New Surgeon Sucks!- Do I have Options?

[jessilynn]

I wont say who I am covered under with Medi-Cal... But uhhhhh I wanna know what I should do in this situation.

So My ORIGINAL surgeon moved away to be with a family member who is in VERY bad health. All of their patients slated for SRS have been pawned off to other surgeons. I met with my new one, and they want to COMPLETELY change the way my surgery will be done. They want to do a 4 step approach?
Where  it will happen in this order

1. Removal of the testicals
    Recover from that
2. Creation of the Vagina
    Recover from that
3. Labiaplasty (creation of a labia)
    Recovery from that
4. Clitoroplasty (creation of the clitoris)

Like aren't they suppose to do the whole damn thing?!

I asked that to this new surgeon, she responded "Yeah but I think this will be better for you with less stress on the body."

I responded "I am really worried about the Labiaplasty and Clitoroplasty being last, for one the clitoris is like one of the major parts of a vagina that causes sexual pleasure, and I DO hope to have pleasureable sex in the future. Will I have any sort of sexual sensation?"

She responds with a "Not very likely, You are not getting this for any sort of fetish or because you just... are a crossdresser are you?"

I responded with a  HELL NO!
But I think I may have screwed up my surgery all together, because she began to write things down there.
And said "We will be in touch regarding your surgery. And I will speak with you further on my dedcisions of what to do."

Does that mean that she does not want to perform anything?

I mean YEAH! You know I am a human being... I am engaged, almost married, I believe it or not... actually like to be intimate with my partner, and it feels because I want physical intimacy with my partner, that this surgeon MAY BE APPREHENSIVE to perform my surgery. Worst part yet? I have a HMO, NOT a PPO 

[rmaddy]

I wont say who I am covered under with Medi-Cal... But uhhhhh I wanna know what I should do in this situation.

So My ORIGINAL surgeon moved away to be with a family member who is in VERY bad health. All of their patients slated for SRS have been pawned off to other surgeons. I met with my new one, and they want to COMPLETELY change the way my surgery will be done. They want to do a 4 step approach?
Where  it will happen in this order

1. Removal of the testicals
    Recover from that
2. Creation of the Vagina
    Recover from that
3. Labiaplasty (creation of a labia)
    Recovery from that
4. Clitoroplasty (creation of the clitoris)

Like aren't they suppose to do the whole damn thing?!

I asked that to this new surgeon, she responded "Yeah but I think this will be better for you with less stress on the body."

I responded "I am really worried about the Labiaplasty and Clitoroplasty being last, for one the clitoris is like one of the major parts of a vagina that causes sexual pleasure, and I DO hope to have pleasureable sex in the future. Will I have any sort of sexual sensation?"

She responds with a "Not very likely, You are not getting this for any sort of fetish or because you just... are a crossdresser are you?"

I responded with a  HELL NO!
But I think I may have screwed up my surgery all together, because she began to write things down there.
And said "We will be in touch regarding your surgery. And I will speak with you further on my dedcisions of what to do."

Does that mean that she does not want to perform anything?

I mean YEAH! You know I am a human being... I am engaged, almost married, I believe it or not... actually like to be intimate with my partner, and it feels because I want physical intimacy with my partner, that this surgeon MAY BE APPREHENSIVE to perform my surgery. Worst part yet? I have a HMO, NOT a PPO 

That question was beyond impertinent.  You're in California.  A call to your Board of Medical Practice might be in order.

[Laurie]

I think I would find a way to make a complaint and seek another surgeon letting your insurance know this doctor id Unacceptable. You can say no just as easy as the doctor can.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[jessilynn]

I'm simply worried that this REALLY MESSED UP my surgery, like being an HMO and EVERYTHING is connected.
My fiance is smart, she has a PPO so one doctor pisses her off, she can drop that like a hot pound cake, and see another with no information from the previous doctor.

And my surgery has been pushed as it is because electrolysis... I can't wait until I am 35 for surgery, even my girl knows that. She knows I wont "last" that long in the body that I am stuck with

[Paige]

Did you ask her how many surgeries she's done?  Sounds like she doesn't have a clue.  I've never heard of a modern GCS surgeon who wasn't concerned with sensation, and the fetish comment was over the top.   You need to find a way to run away from this surgeon as fast as possible.

Good luck,
Paige

[Devlyn]

I wont say who I am covered under with Medi-Cal... But uhhhhh I wanna know what I should do in this situation.

So My ORIGINAL surgeon moved away to be with a family member who is in VERY bad health. All of their patients slated for SRS have been pawned off to other surgeons. I met with my new one, and they want to COMPLETELY change the way my surgery will be done. They want to do a 4 step approach?
Where  it will happen in this order

1. Removal of the testicals
    Recover from that
2. Creation of the Vagina
    Recover from that
3. Labiaplasty (creation of a labia)
    Recovery from that
4. Clitoroplasty (creation of the clitoris)

Like aren't they suppose to do the whole damn thing?!

I asked that to this new surgeon, she responded "Yeah but I think this will be better for you with less stress on the body."

I responded "I am really worried about the Labiaplasty and Clitoroplasty being last, for one the clitoris is like one of the major parts of a vagina that causes sexual pleasure, and I DO hope to have pleasureable sex in the future. Will I have any sort of sexual sensation?"

She responds with a "Not very likely, You are not getting this for any sort of fetish or because you just... are a crossdresser are you?"

I responded with a  HELL NO!
But I think I may have screwed up my surgery all together, because she began to write things down there.
And said "We will be in touch regarding your surgery. And I will speak with you further on my dedcisions of what to do."

Does that mean that she does not want to perform anything?

I mean YEAH! You know I am a human being... I am engaged, almost married, I believe it or not... actually like to be intimate with my partner, and it feels because I want physical intimacy with my partner, that this surgeon MAY BE APPREHENSIVE to perform my surgery. Worst part yet? I have a HMO, NOT a PPO 

Big hug! I  feel your pain, they identified me as a transsexual. I tried not to fly off the handle, though, because that won't help. The labels aren't the important thing, what matters is that they are  trying to get ALL gender variant people their surgeries.

Be calm when you deal with them, and good luck.

Hugs, Devlyn

[echo7]

Two stage surgeries are pretty common, as are single stage.  But I've never heard of a 4-stage surgery.

How feasible would it be to wait until you're married, get on your partner's health insurance plan, and then seek surgery through their insurance provider?  Maybe you can just elope now, get on your partner's plan in two months when health insurance plans typically begin enrollment, and get your surgery done early next year.

[itsApril]

How feasible would it be to wait until you're married, get on your partner's health insurance plan, and then seek surgery through their insurance provider?  Maybe you can just elope now, get on your partner's plan in two months when health insurance plans typically begin enrollment, and get your surgery done early next year.

Good thinking, echo7!  If fiancee's insurance is an employer-based plan, it may not be necessary to wait for "open enrollment" season.  In most plans, you can enroll right away (or sometimes on the first of the following month) if the insured (the fiancee) has a "qualifying life event."  Almost all insurance plans identify getting married as a qualifying life event.

Of course, you and your fiancee have other things that would affect your marriage plans.  But think about this!

[Charlie Nicki]

A 4 stage surgery sounds insane...It's like she's playing "complete the puzzle" with your body. Make a complaint and demand to be transferred to another one.

[RobynD]

Her question was horrible. I agree report her. I've never heard of four stage. i wonder if it is because she needs to get up to speed first. Regardless, that does not sound right.

Also - don't they need to do the clitoris at the same time as the vagina? The nerve bundles from the head of the penis is what gives you the functioning clitoris right?

[jessilynn]

Going with my fiances plan is NOT doable, as she wants to get married AFTER surgery as two CIS gendered women, rather than one half way. And to have her insurance, we have to be married.

This insurance company gives NO care as to what YOU want, nor do they listen in my opinion. I'm having nothing but trouble with them. And I am afraid of switching right now, because I AM so far into it all. I have the request in for a new surgeon, but that is also pushing our wedding back about a year and a half.
HER surgery is set for 2018 in July, mine WAS for November or December 2018. We were suppose to be married in July of 2019 then, after healing. Now we are discussing a 2019-2020 wedding

I have a bit more information and the surgeries will be spaced apart by months, taking a total of 16-20 months depending on how well I heal... which is NOT very quickly.

[jessilynn]

Her question was horrible. I agree report her. I've never heard of four stage. i wonder if it is because she needs to get up to speed first. Regardless, that does not sound right.

Also - don't they need to do the clitoris at the same time as the vagina? The nerve bundles from the head of the penis is what gives you the functioning clitoris right?

That's what got this lady questioning me. That's why she asked if it was a fetish, or if it was a "crossdresser fantasy" She now has it marked in my file I am a crossdresser/ transvestite. I found that out a little less than an hour ago.
AND I find that I might not be able to get it for that reason. I am NOT a transvestite, nor do I want to BE one. (no offense to the individual who is one here. that's just NOT me) I have severe dysphoria with my body, I've told her that... I just want to be like any normal human and be able to experience sex. Apparently she just wants it to "look correct" not giving two donuts about functionality. But that makes me a fetishist. :,(



yeah I got fetishes, but my gender aint one of them.

[jessilynn]

Also just got a call... litterally just now stating that my surgery is "ON HOLD until further notice" while they "investigate psychological history and past psychotherapy evaluations"

Looks like these people wont give me my surgery ladies

[Janes Groove]

You're 100% correct. That really sucks. Bad.

It's like the 1950s back when Johns Hopkins would only offer surgery if the patient was pretty and identified as a straight heterosexual woman.  She really needs some sensitivity training and more experience it sounds like to me.  I wouldn't let her touch me.

[Devlyn]

Her question was horrible. I agree report her. I've never heard of four stage. i wonder if it is because she needs to get up to speed first. Regardless, that does not sound right.

Also - don't they need to do the clitoris at the same time as the vagina? The nerve bundles from the head of the penis is what gives you the functioning clitoris right?

That's what got this lady questioning me. That's why she asked if it was a fetish, or if it was a "crossdresser fantasy" She now has it marked in my file I am a crossdresser/ transvestite. I found that out a little less than an hour ago.
AND I find that I might not be able to get it for that reason. I am NOT a transvestite, nor do I want to BE one. (no offense to the individual who is one here. that's just NOT me) I have severe dysphoria with my body, I've told her that... I just want to be like any normal human and be able to experience sex. Apparently she just wants it to "look correct" not giving two f**ks about functionality. But that makes me a fetishist. :,(



yeah I got fetishes, but my gender aint one of them.

Really odd, I was clear that I do NOT identify as a woman and  hoped to retain male function, and I got my surgery.

I want to restate that exhibiting internalized transphobia in the office probably didn't help you. All you can do now is regroup and  try again.  Best wishes.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Jessica Lynne]

I'm not very good at that stuff. I would have told her she's the Surgeon, not the psychologist, isn't she? I have never heard of anything like this. 4 separate instances of General Anesthesia? Really? You only get one opportunity to do this. I would personally run away. Before I left though, I'd ask her, how many Vaginoplasty surgeries have you completed? When was the last one? Which of your patients that have had this procedure might I speak to? I'm going to guess you're going to get some answers you don't want. 
     I know a woman who has recently had surgery at a Hospital on the East Coast that has just recently begun to do SRS Surgeries. Highly regarded Institution. Her surgery has turned into a horrible experience and a disaster. To my way of thinking, you want someone to do this that has done it hundreds if not thousands of times, not read a book and watched a video. I'm no one's guinea pig. I wish you luck and hope you really do your research before you allow this to happen. I know this sounds negative, but it always breaks my heart when I hear horror stories after the fact and they almost always involve surgeons with no experience in this art.

[rmaddy]

I want to restate that exhibiting internalized transphobia in the office probably didn't help you. All you can do now is regroup and  try again.

I don't think she did.  Saying "hell, no" to an inflammatory question about crossdressers isn't anti-crossdresser...it's anti-rudeness.  It certainly sounded like a very awkward moment, and we've all answered questions inelegantly in the heat of the moment.

Jessilynn was the victim here.  I'm not comfortable with laying even an ounce of blame on her.  I'm not usually one for lines in the sand, but this is one I'd draw.

[Alex81]

This is about some of the biggest hogwash I've read in a looooong time... Utterly absurd.

I wouldn't let this "surgeon" touch me with a tongue depressor, remotely, from the north pole, while shes operating it from the space station, orbiting Neptune. If it were me, id definitely find somebody else...

[Devlyn]

I want to restate that exhibiting internalized transphobia in the office probably didn't help you. All you can do now is regroup and  try again.

I don't think she did.  Saying "hell, no" to an inflammatory question about crossdressers isn't anti-crossdresser...it's anti-rudeness.  It certainly sounded like a very awkward moment, and we've all answered questions inelegantly in the heat of the moment.

Jessilynn was the victim here.  I'm not comfortable with laying even an ounce of blame on her.  I'm not usually one for lines in the sand, but this is one I'd draw.

Just no. I draw lines too. There's nothing inflammatory about asking someone in this setting if they're a crossdresser.

I just went through this same  process. Here's the (adult) deal. They asked me if I was African American. I calmly said "No." They asked if I was Latino. I calmly said "No." They asked if I  was a Pacific Islander or Intuit. "No." "No."
Never did I have a visceral reaction to  being asked if I was another kind of person, even though I wasn't that kind of person.

So pretend you're the doctor trying to decide if the transgender person across from you has made a rational, well thought out decision, and  they react negatively to the mention of transgender people who aren't like them. I'd seriously think they hadn't resolved their internal issues if I were in the white coat.

Hugs, Devlyn

[SadieBlake]

Wow, I wouldn't have surgery with that person if they had the best results record in the world and the  4 stage you describe would not be providing you with an innervated clitoris which is completely standard since like 10 years, maybe 15.

As to your diagnosis, that doesn't come from the surgeon, but from your psychiatrist. Now your HMO may have some messed up policies or some messed up people in their system however there is no reason whatsoever a vaginoplasty today should not involved a sensitive clitoris and full sensation within the vaginal canal.

As to your partner's willingness to marry only after your surgery, that kinda sucks. You don't need to have GCS to officially change your gender.

Good luck, I'm sorry you have such limited options.