When did you stop worrying about passing?

[Keira]

Every time I see this question I think of the 60's film, Doctor Strangelove, How I stopped worrying and learned to love the bomb.

Maybe we just need to get the ruskies to invade us and we won't have to worry about passing anymore.

Maybe creating a device that makes nobody passable as anything but humans of indeterminate gender, and blow it up.

[Martine]

I think the question might have been aimed at older transitioners who may be far less convincing.......I'm not really surprised by Isabelle and Kat's comments, given your ages and appearance....

Actually the hardest age to transition is during mid-life in my opinion. Those of us who transitioned young are more passable...usually...depending upon a lot of different factors still. Those who transition in their late 50 and 60 actually have it easier then someone in their 30's and 40's....but that has just been my observations...

Peace and love,
Izzy

I think that's true Izzy, on the whole men seem to mature more in their 30's and 40's and it would be harder to eradicate the natural male development that may have occured during or after this period.

[tekla]

THE hardest age to transition is the one you do it at.  Any other thought is to not understand what it is to do it.

[shanetastic]

THE hardest age to transition is the one you do it at.  Any other thought is to not understand what it is to do it.

*phew* finally someone who realizes that transitioning when your still somewhat younger sucks!

It's hard enough with all this pressure of society and people enforcing their views upon you as is!  Us "kids" can't think on our own after all, right? 

[IsabelleStPierre]

Hum...

I might either be the worst person to talk about transitioning or the best person...not sure...guess it really depends on what someone's view point is...

I won't lie and say that transitioning at any age is easy...it's not. There are problems to be faced by everyone one they transition, the main difference between someone who transition at lets say 15 like I did the first time I transitioned...and lets say someone in their early 30's like the second time I did it...there are very different problems for each age group.

As a teen it was just getting anyone to even listen to me...parents don't want to hear that their perfect little boy wants to be a girl...even when they do listen...they just don't get it...been there done that. There are also more social problems when a teen transitions...teens are not exactly the most friendliest of groups when it comes to anything outside of the norm. I endured daily verbal abuse throughout most of high school, I learned to ditch PE...god the thought of having to even go close to the boys locker room and lets not even talk about the required 'shower' after gym class...I did that once...and only once and vowed to never in my life step foot back into that locker room under any circumstances...and I didn't. I failed PE...but I at least got through it alive.

I started hormones at 15 originally and to be honest...passing has never really been a problem for me...but passing is only one part of the equation when it comes to transitioning...and to be brutally honest...passing is the smallest part of transitioning in my opinion. My life throughout high school was as close to hell on earth as you can get...all because my mother wouldn't let me transfer to a new school or legally change my name...both things that would have more then likely made high school a piece of cake compared to what it was...

At 17 I really needed help...not from my mother or sisters either...but rather from a good therapist and a doctor who knew at least something about gender identity problems. But again...because I was just a 'kid', I could not find anyone willing to help me...my parents weren't helping that's for sure...my sisters helped me more than anyone during those years...as one of my sisters still says today...she'd rather have another sister then a dead brother...my parents didn't get it...the kids at school certainly didn't get it and at that time the medical community didn't want to get it where GID in teens was concerned...with no place to turn...no where left to seek help...a mother who seemed to crawl into a bottle at every chance...I personally hit bottom and made my first attempt at suicide...that at least finally got me the therapy I wanted...but it took such drastic measures to even get an adult to listen to me...so while transitioning at a young age has definite advantages when it comes to your looks and appearance...transitioning as a teen (at least back in the 80s) was a living hell...

I won't go into detail of the events that lead me to go into denial at 24...that's a post best left for my blog...

I am now in my early 30's and have just transitioned again for the second time. This transition didn't go exactly as planned...but I'm learning not much in life ever does...Yes...I am older now and don't have to fight to get an adult to listen to me...but I now have tons more emotional bagage to carry forward with me...I have 4 wonderful kids that if I hadn't gone into denial I would have never had the pleasure of having...but at the same time these wonderful kids make transitioning that much more difficult...that and the ex...who did know about my GID before we got married...hell...I had only been off hormones 6 months when we meet...I didn't really look like a male at all...

Transitioning when your older is a lot harder in some ways...you have a career that you've spent years building up, you have a history that regardless of what you do will always be there...you have tons more obligations and responsibilities that all need to be addressed too. You may or may not have kids or a spouse to contend with, and tons of other things...

The act of transitioning is actually perhaps one of the hardest steps you can take, but at the same time it's not as difficult as a lot of people make it out to be...passing can be hard for some, easy for others and next to impossible for others...but in my opinion...too much emphasis is placed on passing...just look at all the genetic females out there and you'll see a wide assortment of woman...it's not too difficult to blend in with the crowd as they say...

Regardless of what age you transition there will always be problems and issues that you will need to deal with...and each age group will have slightly different and yet similar problems that they will face when they transition.

If you let fear rule your life, you'll never do anything...so take a deep breath...plan as best as you can...and just go for it...eventually everything will work itself out in the long run and the longer you wait to transition...the less time you have to enjoy life in the you you were meant to be....and that would be the true waste of it...in my opinion...

Peace and love,
Isabelle St-Pierre

[tekla]

Is transitioning for the second time like losing your virginity for the third time?  Or perhaps dying for the fifth time. I'm really confused.  I thought there were some things in life you only got to do once, once.

[IsabelleStPierre]

Is transitioning for the second time like losing your virginity for the third time?  Or perhaps dying for the fifth time. I'm really confused.  I thought there were some things in life you only got to do once, once.

No actually you can transition...not have SRS...go into denial and back to living as your former gender...and then do it all over again later...sounds like fun doesn't it...well it's not!

Peace and love,
Isabelle St-Pierre

[Martine]

Is transitioning for the second time like losing your virginity for the third time?  Or perhaps dying for the fifth time. I'm really confused.  I thought there were some things in life you only got to do once, once.

No actually you can transition...not have SRS...go into denial and back to living as your former gender...and then do it all over again later...sounds like fun doesn't it...well it's not!

Peace and love,
Isabelle St-Pierre

It depends on how far you transitioned and even if you didn't have SRS you may have had more noticable surgery like breast augmentation and FFS. That would make it harder for someone to go back and forth and living as a former gender I would have thought

[IsabelleStPierre]

It depends on how far you transitioned and even if you didn't have SRS you may have had more noticable surgery like breast augmentation and FFS. That would make it harder for someone to go back and forth and living as a former gender I would have thought

Very true, which is why I was ma'amed my entire life...but denial can be a strong thing at times...don't think I really fooled anyone except myself to be honest...

Peace and love,
Isabelle St-Pierre

[Shana A]

Is transitioning for the second time like losing your virginity for the third time?  Or perhaps dying for the fifth time. I'm really confused.  I thought there were some things in life you only got to do once, once.

After year long RLT including changing my name legally, I un-transitioned. Realized that I was more in between gender than one or the other. I have recently contemplated transitioning again, I am not happy being perceived as male.

y2g

[IsabelleStPierre]

After year long RLT including changing my name legally, I un-transitioned. Realized that I was more in between gender than one or the other. I have recently contemplated transitioning again, I am not happy being perceived as male.

y2g

For me it wasn't that I realized that I was more between genders or even questioned my gender identity; for me it was the rapes I suffered and ultimately the loss of my sole mate that cause me to back track...there was just too much pain in that existence and I retreated into denial and a wall of isolation.

Peace and love,
Isabelle St-Pierre

[Natasha]

When did you stop worrying about passing?

a long time ago.  i've forgotten when.

[Sarah]

To the OP:

I may be an odd duck,
but I never really worried about passing.

Acceptance always was (and is) more important to me.

[NicholeW.]

Is transitioning for the second time like losing your virginity for the third time?  Or perhaps dying for the fifth time. I'm really confused.  I thought there were some things in life you only got to do once, once.

Just my two cents on this, and as a regular poster, not a mod. Please understand that.

I am sure this was considered 'cute,' but it really is not.

When someone stops doing what they need to fulfill themselves it hurts. It hurts a lot and is not an easy thing to do.

A CD might understand that in terms of 'purging' their wardrobe of female dressing items and not dressing for a very long period of time, at least I would think that might be true if the CD is getting some 'peace' from dressing.

I find the remark pretty tasteless and not at all funny. To me it shows a lack of empathic response in that being witty seems to be more important than being understanding.

Like I said, just my own thoughts.

Nichole

[Hypatia]

I think that's true Izzy, on the whole men seem to mature more in their 30's and 40's and it would be harder to eradicate the natural male development that may have occured during or after this period.

That does tend to be a concern. Consider how humans are all fed programming by their betters. The smart girl will see through the hype and use her knowledge to consciously program her own life the way she needs. It's essential to trans people's self-realization. Basically the same skills that quaint mediæval language called "magick" or "alchemy".

[Shana A]

I un-transitioned.

I'm sorry to hear that y2gender.  It makes me very sad.

Thanks for caring Renate. It was an extremely difficult decision to de-transition, but necessary at the time due to many external circumstances; finances, work situation, etc.

Among the reasons were coming to a deeper understanding of myself, I knew I was clearly not male, so a natural assumption early in transition was that I must be female. I've realized that there are many places in the middle and that's who I am, not that it's an easy realization. I do sometimes think that, given the binary world, I'd rather be perceived as woman than man, even if I'm neither. For now though, I simply do the best I can, honoring who I am as androgyne, even if the rest of the world outside my family and circle of close friends doesn't see it.

Well, this really doesn't have much to do with the topic, so that's enough for now. Maybe I'll create a thread about this sort of thing.

y2g