Subconscious awareness of HRT?

[JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ]

So it's been 2 wks on HRT today, and for the past wk or so I've been getting a LOT of peculiar stares. Everyone, everywhere, is CONSTANTLY looking at me. I'm not presenting yet, still acting male in public, the way I ALWAYS have. I'm homeless, but I change my clothes & shower daily, so I know it's not that... I wonder if I'm subconsciously walking/moving/carrying myself differently, & confusing people; or if they somehow sense, or even SMELL, that something doesn't JIVE with me... Is this something any of you experienced? Or is it just me being self conscious/paranoid? I've never felt like this before, I've always just blended in... Had THAT down to a frickin' science, lemme tell ya!

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[Devlyn]

You know, nothing has changed for these people in the last few weeks. You, however, are going through a chemical reversal of your systems, so to speak. I think it's YOU, sister, not them.    Haven't you been warned that this is a roller coaster ride? 

Hugs, Devlyn

[Deborah]

I noticed the same thing pretty quickly.  It wasn't so much with people I knew but rather strangers.  I'm not sure if it was me being more observant, some chemical thing, or my looking more happy instead of morose.


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[Julia1996]

I noticed the same thing pretty quickly.  It wasn't so much with people I knew but rather strangers.  I'm not sure if it was me being more observant, some chemical thing, or my looking more happy instead of morose.


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It can't be Proven but I think it's some kind of pheromones.  When I first started hrt I totally didn't look or act any different at all. But I noticed girls staring at me longer, like they were trying to figure out what was different. And unfortunately guys seemed to notice me more, but not in a good way. They would give me a kind of confused look for a second and then call me ->-bleeped-<-ot instead of saying it immediately like before.

I really think it's some kind of pheromones or something to do with smell. My body odors, sweat and pee especially have become very noticeable to my dad and brother and my brothers friends. They don't necessarily find them offensive odors but they do notice them. Maybe it's because hrt changes body chemistry and they notice my odors because they are now different from theirs.

[Kendra]

I received quite a few spontaneous comments, and most didn't know I had just started HRT.  I think Julia is right regarding chemical changes and pheromones - and an additional factor is my facial expression changed from the profound effect this had on my perception and senses.  My eyes probably focus on different things than before.  I am noticing many things for the first time, even things that should have been obvious, and I probably can't hide that fact.

[Bari Jo]

I've only been on a few months, but yes, people do notice, especially casual acquaintances.  They don't know it's hrt, just that something is different.  One neighbor especially, and one coworker.  It's a great feeling, imo the double take.  Even if their reaction is negative after as they were in Julia's case, they still noticed, which is affirmation that the hrt is working.  I keep thinking its doing nothing, then I get one of those and I get happy inside.

[JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ]

You know, nothing has changed for these people in the last few weeks. You, however, are going through a chemical reversal of your systems, so to speak. I think it's YOU, sister, not them.    Haven't you been warned that this is a roller coaster ride?  [emoji23]

Hugs, Devlyn

Lol it's definitely me, you're right; I just wasn't sure exactly WHAT about me was causing it... And hoo boy, you ain't kiddin' about it being a rollercoaster ride!!! Been hanging on for dear life, haha!

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[JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ]

I noticed the same thing pretty quickly.  It wasn't so much with people I knew but rather strangers.  I'm not sure if it was me being more observant, some chemical thing, or my looking more happy instead of morose.


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EXACTLY!! The few friends I have that aren't in the know have made comments that I seem happier or younger, so they must sense it too but dismiss it.

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[JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ]

It can't be Proven but I think it's some kind of pheromones.  When I first started hrt I totally didn't look or act any different at all. But I noticed girls staring at me longer, like they were trying to figure out what was different. And unfortunately guys seemed to notice me more, but not in a good way. They would give me a kind of confused look for a second and then call me ->-bleeped-<-ot instead of saying it immediately like before.

I really think it's some kind of pheromones or something to do with smell. My body odors, sweat and pee especially have become very noticeable to my dad and brother and my brothers friends. They don't necessarily find them offensive odors but they do notice them. Maybe it's because hrt changes body chemistry and they notice my odors because they are now different from theirs.

I think you're right, it must be pheromones (or something related to the change in my body chemistry), & it confuses them. I notice men often have a furrowed brow while staring, and when I see them I can't help but imagine a perplexed caveman, grunting "Me smell boobs, me see no boobs... Urgh?!" Haha. Women def stare just as often; they instinctively look me up & down (you know the look, we ALL do it to one another, lol) before dismissing me. That was actually what made me start to notice, as I NEVER get looks from other women (the only time I ever did was when I was married...  women are somehow able to sense that, too).

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[IzzyC]

This happened to me too.

Women treat me different, and especially men.

I don't mind it because I like dudes, but after about 3 weeks to a month there was a very discernible difference in how people reacted to me. People smile at me more, and guys say hello and ask me how I am and stuff.

Idk if its because I look happier now like someone mentioned above, or some other reason; but it did very much so happen.

[JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ]

This happened to me too.

Women treat me different, and especially men.

I don't mind it because I like dudes, but after about 3 weeks to a month there was a very discernible difference in how people reacted to me. People smile at me more, and guys say hello and ask me how I am and stuff.

Idk if its because I look happier now like someone mentioned above, or some other reason; but it did very much so happen.

That's cool it turned positive! Were you living/presenting as female at all during that time? I'm not yet, so the reactions I get from guys aren't reeeally the kind I'd like... and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want some form of POSITIVE attention once I finally start presenting, but at the moment it just feels awkward...

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[Tessa James]

I like your smile Jessi.  We do start to smell different and for me that was one thing i noticed the second week on HRT.  No more male BO, wahoo!  Perhaps like you, my real epiphany was self acceptance and that smile and euphoria lasted about 8 months and started well before HRT. I lived so long in denial that it was only after giving up the "man act" that i realized how much effort had been going into it.

Yes, with a smile like that folks are going to notice; like wow Hon you're happy!

[Drexy/Drex]

Yes it's definitely  real... I'm sure it's pheromones  ....they have such a powerful  subconcious effect
I live and work with my coworkers /mates 2 weeks at time and have noticed better communication
and some.females are more. Intrested  in me then before.... all in all its quite interesting  what with the double takes and females with their intuition  tuneing in

[JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ]

I like your smile Jessi.  We do start to smell different and for me that was one thing i noticed the second week on HRT.  No more male BO, wahoo!  Perhaps like you, my real epiphany was self acceptance and that smile and euphoria lasted about 8 months and started well before HRT. I lived so long in denial that it was only after giving up the "man act" that i realized how much effort had been going into it.

Yes, with a smile like that folks are going to notice; like wow Hon you're happy!

Aww, thank you!! I took that pic the day I started HRT, & I've never been that happy or smiled that much in my entire life! Now, when I look in the mirror, and I smile, [emoji4] I can actually see the girl inside starting to come out, and it just makes me smile that much more!! [emoji16]

And today, I'm all smiles again, cuz... I just bought my first lady's deodorant! [emoji1] I figured since I'm starting to SMELL like a woman, I should start smelling like a CLEAN woman! And I smell LOVELY, if I do say so myself, haha! Ahhh... It's the little things.

I'm with you, the several months leading up to starting HRT (except for one little hiccup from my past that consumed the month of August, but that's another matter...) I was def happier that I'd accepted who I was.

You're so right about the "man act." My BFF told me when I came out to him "Yeah, I can see that. You were always trying to be overly macho." And here I thought I was fitting in! I'm still trying to keep up the charade for now, til I'm ready to start presenting, & it really is exhausting... I have to focus on it constantly, otherwise I find myself walking, talking, & moving in a feminine manner... I'm sure that adds to people's confusion, lol!

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[Julia1996]

Aww, thank you!! I took that pic the day I started HRT, & I've never been that happy or smiled that much in my entire life! Now, when I look in the mirror, and I smile, [emoji4] I can actually see the girl inside starting to come out, and it just makes me smile that much more!! [emoji16]

And today, I'm all smiles again, cuz... I just bought my first lady's deodorant! [emoji1] I figured since I'm starting to SMELL like a woman, I should start smelling like a CLEAN woman! And I smell LOVELY, if I do say so myself, haha! Ahhh... It's the little things.

I'm with you, the several months leading up to starting HRT (except for one little hiccup from my past that consumed the month of August, but that's another matter...) I was def happier that I'd accepted who I was.

You're so right about the "man act." My BFF told me when I came out to him "Yeah, I can see that. You were always trying to be overly macho." And here I thought I was fitting in! I'm still trying to keep up the charade for now, til I'm ready to start presenting, & it really is exhausting... I have to focus on it constantly, otherwise I find myself walking, talking, & moving in a feminine manner... I'm sure that adds to people's confusion, lol!

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I think when a lot of transwomen try to act macho they come off as over the top and just ridiculous. I never bothered trying to act like a guy. But once I did wonder why it was so easy for guys to be masculine and I decided to try it just to see if I could do it. So I pretty much tried to imitate the way my brother acted and talked. It lasted maybe 15 minutes. My brother started laughing at me and told me he didn't know what I was doing but that I needed to stop because I looked and sounded like a total fool. So it was a fail. Lol.  Another thing is that when someone , Trans or otherwise acts overly masculine it actually creates suspicion. One of my brothers friends is overly masculine and always has to outman  the rest of the group and always has to be the tough guy. My brother and I both have wondered what he's trying to cover up acting that way. He's a ->-bleeped-<- but if he ends up transitioning I'll still help him.

[JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ]

I think when a lot of transwomen try to act macho they come off as over the top and just ridiculous. I never bothered trying to act like a guy. But once I did wonder why it was so easy for guys to be masculine and I decided to try it just to see if I could do it. So I pretty much tried to imitate the way my brother acted and talked. It lasted maybe 15 minutes. My brother started laughing at me and told me he didn't know what I was doing but that I needed to stop because I looked and sounded like a total fool. So it was a fail. Lol.  Another thing is that when someone , Trans or otherwise acts overly masculine it actually creates suspicion. One of my brothers friends is overly masculine and always has to outman  the rest of the group and always has to be the tough guy. My brother and I both have wondered what he's trying to cover up acting that way. He's a ->-bleeped-<- but if he ends up transitioning I'll still help him.

Lol, you're funny! I'm imagining you as you look in your profile pic trying to act all manly, & it's rather humorous! So since you've never had to act masculine, does that mean you grew up as a girl? If so, that's wonderful! It makes me so happy that young trans people are finally able to get the help they need to become who they're supposed to be, rather than growing up in misery like myself & countless others. YAY PROGRESS!!
Hopefully, if your brother's friend is in fact trans, he figures it out before he gets much older... I mean, it's obviously never too late, but its def easier when you're younger, & not just cuz of the physical changes. Once you build your life it's really hard to pull a 180 & transition... Thats what held me back from ever seriously considering it, but I lost everything from drug addiction, so it's kinda like I'm starting a new life!
& It's def not easy, trying to be something you're not. Dunno if u saw this in 1 of my earlier posts, but when I was 4 or 5 I told my mom I wished I was a girl, & she told me too bad, that I was a boy, & to start acting like it. So act I did, for the next 30 yrs... In public anyway. It wasn't easy, as I didn't have a decent father figure to emulate (my stepdad was an ass), but I tried... & ur right, ppl saw right thru it, especially kids... School was NOT enjoyable, to say the least... I eventually started emulating the guys I worked w/ when I started landscaping in highschool, & ur right again, I took it WAY over the top... Thought the manlier I acted, the more believable it'd be... I'm certain that everyone probably saw right through my "disguise," & I kinda knew it... I think the person I was really trying to convince was myself.

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[Julia1996]

Lol, you're funny! I'm imagining you as you look in your profile pic trying to act all manly, & it's rather humorous! So since you've never had to act masculine, does that mean you grew up as a girl? If so, that's wonderful! It makes me so happy that young trans people are finally able to get the help they need to become who they're supposed to be, rather than growing up in misery like myself & countless others. YAY PROGRESS!!
Hopefully, if your brother's friend is in fact trans, he figures it out before he gets much older... I mean, it's obviously never too late, but its def easier when you're younger, & not just cuz of the physical changes. Once you build your life it's really hard to pull a 180 & transition... Thats what held me back from ever seriously considering it, but I lost everything from drug addiction, so it's kinda like I'm starting a new life!
& It's def not easy, trying to be something you're not. Dunno if u saw this in 1 of my earlier posts, but when I was 4 or 5 I told my mom I wished I was a girl, & she told me too bad, that I was a boy, & to start acting like it. So act I did, for the next 30 yrs... In public anyway. It wasn't easy, as I didn't have a decent father figure to emulate (my stepdad was an ass), but I tried... & ur right, ppl saw right thru it, especially kids... School was NOT enjoyable, to say the least... I eventually started emulating the guys I worked w/ when I started landscaping in highschool, & ur right again, I took it WAY over the top... Thought the manlier I acted, the more believable it'd be... I'm certain that everyone probably saw right through my "disguise," & I kinda knew it... I think the person I was really trying to convince was myself.

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No, unfortunately I didn't grow up as a girl. I was an androgynous, extremely feminine boy. Thankfully my dad never pushed masculine behavior on me. He had tried doing that when I was very young but I was very resistant to it and he gave up. He wouldn't let me wear actual female clothes but he let me wear gender neutral clothes in any color I wanted. Even pink, which I wore often.lol. I had had such extreme fits when he tried to take me to get haircuts that he just gave up when I was about nine. I refused to go to a hair salon or barber shop so he would cut a couple of inches off it himself once in a while to keep it from growing to my butt. Lol. When I was 14 I started using make up. The first time my dad saw me with make up he all he did was ask me if I knew it made me look like a girl and was I sure I wanted to go out like that. Then he told my brother to keep an eye on me and make sure the other kids didn't mess with me. I think that's why my brother tends to be over protective at times even now.

I'm extremely lucky that my father was so accepting. It's kind of surprising considering his background. (Marine corps and now a cop) My mom wasn't very accepting but all she really did was just bitch about it. She did once tell my dad that he had made this mess (she was talking about me) and don't come crying to her when I grew up to be a drag queen. Lol. So it was no surprise to my dad or brother that I'm trans.

[IzzyC]

I'm extremely lucky that my father was so accepting. It's kind of surprising considering his background. (Marine corps and now a cop) My mom wasn't very accepting but all she really did was just bitch about it.

It's really funny, the overwhelming majority of other people I know do not have your experience and thus mine as well. Most have father's who were extremely against it, if not near violently angry, and if either parent was accepting (if at all) it was the mother.

My dad was also Navy UDT/SEAL and super country. While he's said he doesn't understand it, he's not antagonistic or angry. He's generally cool with it and is more worried about my future than what I am.

My mother, like yours, is super against it. She had, and still has this sort of narcissistic idealized perception and image about what I am and was going to be. My dad would pose the question when I was younger that I might be gay because I didn't like sports and male stuff, and like how I threw a fit when I was 8 because I wanted to go to gymnastics camp with my sister instead of basketball camp, hatred of cutting hair, and being emo.

She would angrily reject any insinuation that I was gay and constantly told both me and my sister about how gays are immoral/illogical, and she wouldn't be supportive of us if we were. She was weirdly obsessed over weird little things like, being there when I bought shoes even until the age of 20, insisting that I needed to buy 1.5-2 sizes too big because my feet would "grow" into them (at 20).

I just recently went to get new shoes alone, and came back home with size 8 instead of 10.5 and she freaked out and started saying that my feet shrank when they never grew; manifesting anger at the prospect that any of my physical or emotional features were effeminate instead of what she wanted them to be.

[Drexy/Drex]

Well I can attest again to the pheromone effect... sitting  at the wet mess tonight with my work mates.... I. noticed
one of the younger  guys look at me then look down away with a look of annoyance, or frustration  as if he was wrestling  with some idea..... he is of  the guys who admired  me as  the macho he man I used to be  one of his friends  has done the same thing.   It's like was said in the previous  post.. . Apeman syndrome
as im  cooped up with a 95% male. work force  it's a bit disconcerting   I feel like I am under scrutiny  but at the same the scrutineers  are having their own dramas  trying to process the input because theirs nothing  girly looking about me  and my manner while not macho is masculine 
on the positive  people are much more willing to communicate
and Yeah.the males are. much more chatth.....

[Allison S]

I'm not even 2 weeks yet on hormones and I kinda noticed this too. I mean it's more of when I look back at people and notice they're still looking then after I'm thinking "do they know?" lol