Short VersionI'm Annie, I'm a MTF TG and I'm new here. Hi <3
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Long VersionI've seen this site a few times, but for some reason never looked into it more. Then, one of my tg friends (we're both mtf) linked me to
this thread about the good things about being tg, and it felt good to read. I've thought many of these things but never quite put them out in words like that. I understand myself pretty well, but I know there's a lot more to learn. I'm still young, I'm only 22, and I feel so happy that I have friends that I could talk to about being tg. I wanted to call it a condition, or a problem, but that brings a negative connotation which I feel is inappropriate, and I'm sure you all agree. However, it's not without it's share of problems... and it's taken me a while to understand a few things about myself.
I've been like this as long as I can remember, since I was 12, it was a very traumatic point in my life for several reasons which I can go into more detail if you're all interested, but I've always felt like I was outside of society, looking in. I was never really a part of it, though sometimes I can play the role well, I never felt right. The thread I linked to earlier covers it pretty well, and I've always felt like that. "Why do guys do that? Why can't they understand how girls think?" "Why do girls act like that? Don't they know how the guys will react?" Being a foreigner to society and both genders gave me a very distinct view of things. It let me help people in ways I don't think many people can. I can help guys pick gifts for girls, and girls gifts for guys, when relationships are in a rough patch I can think of lots of possibilities and argue any situation for or against each person involved.
However, all these benefits were not without it's detriments. It was difficult, emotionally as a child, and all these things happened all at once and I didn't understand emotions and it scared me. They were painful and I didn't understand how people got into horrible situations over them (bad relationships which may end in divorce, lust, greed, all overpowering common sense). So eventually, I just shut them off. This has given me even deeper insight in how people work, and how emotions work (on a logical level), but it's made me numb. It's kind of a trade off, and I wish I didn't have to be like this but it's how I am now, and I've been trying to fix it.
I need to be able to forgive myself for being human, and that emotions are ok. I'm very loving, forgiving, and trusting of others, but when it comes to myself, I'm a harsh critic. Usually, this only happens with things that matter to me like having things set to my high standards (but if other people don't meet it, I don't mind). Anyways, I'm ranting, I also want to learn a lot about myself, and tg. I know a little, but there's a lot more I want to learn. I want to be able to trust myself and love myself.
Relationships have always been interesting. With people I find I've taken a liking to, or even potentially, I make sure to tell them about being tg, and about my life, how I got from where I was to where I am. Mostly it's because part of me is reaching out for acceptance, and also that I want to know from the start, that they understand and accept me for all these things. Having said that, I don't share EVERYTHING, but definitely a lot. I posted a lot, wow. I hope to make this a forum that I will constantly visit because it's a very important thing to me, and I'm sure it is to you all too. I want this place to be a natural place to visit, and I want to feel comfortable here. <3
Also, I usually use a lot of emotes and symbols, faces and such, and that's after I get comfortable enough with people and the place to do those things. If that kind of thing is ok, let me know :3
