Bit off more than I can chew?

[Allison S]

Have you ever felt that way with transitioning?

Lately I've been wondering if I traded in one set of problems to whole new ones... looking presentable as a "female" is hard! I used to just throw anything on and walk out and not care. Now from makeup, hair, clothes (too tight/revealing?) ..

Maybe I'm so new to full time that it feels overwhelming right now. I'm only 5 months hrt and my hair is barely past my ears.

I feel like I'm rushing things... yet I can't put on my old men's clothing anymore. I just don't have it in me like I used to.

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[KathyLauren]

I haven't had that feeling, and I think it's because I am married to my own fashion coach.  We go clothes shopping together.  (The price I pay for that support is that she has to have new clothes too.  It's a small price.)  She tells me when a combination isn't going to work.  Our tastes are remarkably similar, so it works well for me.

Is there anyone who can take on the role of presentation mentor for you?  A girlfriend, perhaps, who can help you with colour selection, putting together outfits, hairstyles, etc.?

A lot of this is trial and error.  But having a coach will give you more trial and less error.

[Northern Star Girl]

Have you ever felt that way with transitioning?

Lately I've been wondering if I traded in one set of problems to whole new ones... looking presentable as a "female" is hard! I used to just throw anything on and walk out and not care. Now from makeup, hair, clothes (too tight/revealing?) ..

Maybe I'm so new to full time that it feels overwhelming right now. I'm only 5 months hrt and my hair is barely past my ears.

I feel like I'm rushing things... yet I can't put on my old men's clothing anymore. I just don't have it in me like I used to.

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@ Allison S:  Oh, yes... transitioning can be a difficult thing, mentally and physically.   In another thread last month I mentioned that as a male I could do what you described and get out the door quickly....  splash some water on my face and hair, maybe comb my hair and maybe shave, throw on a pull-over shirt (ironed or not), put on some old blue jeans (dirty or not) and some socks and worn out sneakers.... and I was off.   

During my transition to full time I have had the same learning experience that your described and it was an eye opener. At about 6 months of HRT I was going out as female most the time and usually I passed.  Now, after 3 years of HRT and the fact that I have been full time for 17 months after that 3 years of HRT I have gotten the knack of most of it, and especially since I have my own business where I am dealing with men and women that are dressed in suits, dresses and skirts and are usually in mid to upper management somewhere, it is imperative that I dress and present myself accordingly. 

Getting out of the house now is more time consuming... shower, hair, makeup, clean and maybe polished nails, clean and pressed clothing, usually a dress or dress slacks, a blouse and perhaps a blazer or coat.... and let me not forget about the plethora of shoes that are needed to go with different outfits.   
Men can get by with a pair of sneakers, and a pair of dressy brown shoes and a pair of black dressy shoes.

Frankly, I am having the time of my life and I am really enjoying being full time and having a great selection of clothing, underwear, cosmetics, hair styles, etc. 

The very wide and encompassing selection of women's clothing boggles the male mind.... colors, variations of styles, layered tops, big variety of jeans and pants, etc, etc.   Go to any department store and the women's section takes up more than half the store and the men's section is a few racks and shelves.

The only suggestion that I might offer is to enjoy your transition...  it will be quite a ride but worth it in the end.  Perhaps after more HRT you just might be really enjoying your switch to all things female.

As KathyLauren suggested in her reply you might find a girl friend or another female that could be your coach and help you in the female aspect of things. 
Once I started to be on my way to being a female I had several female friends that were so helpful and also helpful in spending my money of things that I needed.... it is dangerous to go shopping with them.  LOL

Best Wishes,
Aspiringperson

[Allison S]

Thank you for your responses ladies.

I'm doing my nails now so I can have them ready when I go out in a few hours.

It takes a while for them to dry and then I have to go back and fix each nail. I should've gone to the nail salon!

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[Northern Star Girl]

Thank you for your responses ladies.

I'm doing my nails now so I can have them ready when I go out in a few hours.

It takes a while for them to dry and then I have to go back and fix each nail. I should've gone to the nail salon!

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@ Allison S:   For sure, you can not rush letting your nails dry before doing much otherwise disaster is imminent as all of us have certainly experienced.  Sometimes if I am in a hurry I can speed things up a little bit by using a hair dryer at low heat.

I remember the first time I went to a nail salon before I was full-time... I was terrified but the people there were very nice, did a good job, and took my money anyway!!!

The beautiful thing about this site is that we are here for each other in our difficult times.  It is wonderful that you feel trusting enough to share your inner thoughts.  We all need each other's support and see if what others suggest might apply to us.
Aspiringperson

[Grace Eden]

Allison:

I've been lurking and learning from the women here for some time and your post here has finally prompted me to get off my butt and engage in the community.

I just want to say that I completely relate to what you are expressing.  I don't want to hijack your post to talk about myself, but I will say that two months in, it often feels like more than I can handle and it's getting harder.  So you are not alone in feeling this way. 

I look forward to engaging with you and everyone else here, those who have figured it out, those who are in the process of doing so, and those who still aren't sure what they really want.  Hang in there, please keep engaging, and hopefully those of us who need help the most can find some of it here in each other's willingness to share.

Thank you, Allison, for giving me the courage to finally take this step.

--Grace

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Grace!

Welcome to Susan's.  Thanks for jumping in.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
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[Allison S]

Allison:

I've been lurking and learning from the women here for some time and your post here has finally prompted me to get off my butt and engage in the community.

I just want to say that I completely relate to what you are expressing.  I don't want to hijack your post to talk about myself, but I will say that two months in, it often feels like more than I can handle and it's getting harder.  So you are not alone in feeling this way. 

I look forward to engaging with you and everyone else here, those who have figured it out, those who are in the process of doing so, and those who still aren't sure what they really want.  Hang in there, please keep engaging, and hopefully those of us who need help the most can find some of it here in each other's willingness to share.

Thank you, Allison, for giving me the courage to finally take this step.

--Grace

I'm so happy you joined us and welcome!! It's really a challenge to figure out everything and walk out as a "woman" should. My thoughts go towards the direction of "I'm not a woman I'm just pretending"/fake it till you make it if you will.

I didn't go to where I planned today. I just couldn't get my nail polish on right at all. Tomorrow I have my 6th laser hair removal session so I will be going to that. I'm also thinking a trip to the nail salon is in due order...

What's holding you back Grace? Or anyone? We need to lean on each other because this can be a very lonely journey for some.. I know it is for me if I wasn't on here, in therapy, and most recently just starting support groups.

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[Daisy Jane]

Thank you for your responses ladies.

I'm doing my nails now so I can have them ready when I go out in a few hours.

It takes a while for them to dry and then I have to go back and fix each nail. I should've gone to the nail salon!

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I think it's worth it to do it myself. I say spend the extra money to get decent polish like OPI Infinite Shine series. You'll still be saving a ton over getting a professional manicure. Mine never come out perfect, but I still receive compliments.

[Kylo]

You don't have to worry excessively about appearance as a woman in general. Unless passing is more dependent on being meticulous with certain things, or something like that. There's no rule that says as a woman you have to spend two hours looking good just to go out to the store.

If you want to look very good though, no way around it eating up your time.

[Julia1996]

I wear makeup every day regardless. What I find helpful is to make a routine for doing basic makeup every morning after you've had coffee and are awake enough. I wear make up daily but for every day I don't do the extensive shading and contouring and I do my eyemake simpler than I would for going out. Once you start doing it daily the time it takes drops a lot. It only takes me about 15 minutes to apply my every day make up. If you find it a bit of a drudge play some music while you apply your makeup. When you put on make up every morning then you're set for the day and look good for whatever comes up. If you're going to be going out that night then just do your going out makeup that night. You would want to wash your face and put fresh make up on anyway if you're going to be going out that night.

You do need to devote a while to drying your nails. I use a nail dryer for that. Its an appliance that uses either warm air or a heating element to dry your nails. I always do my nails while I watch TV. That way you don't get bored and fidgety while they are drying. Make sure you go to the bathroom before you polish your nails. That's something that really messes up wet nails. If you have any one in your house that might find it fun to mess with you or tickle you while your nails are wet, like an older brother or boyfriend take appropriate precautions before polishing your nails. I find the threat of putting estrogen in their muscle protein powder very effective. I use a clear top coat over my polish because it helps prevent chipping and helps your polish last a little longer. Chipped nail polish looks totally tacky and smeary or clumpy polish looks even worse  so you want to devote the necessary time for drying your nails.

[JoanneB]

For sure, if I go full time, my morning "Getting ready for work" ritual would require a good 1 hour initially to eventually 30 more minutes. Today, getting dressed for work takes all of 2 minutes and I have no idea what a mirror is.

[The Flying Lemur]

Hi Allison, my sister uses gel nail polish and this special UV box to dry it.  It takes like 30 seconds to dry each coat.  I was thinking that the supplies were really expensive, but I just looked them up and they're not.  The nail polish looks about the same price as normal nail polish, and the dryers start at like $15.  Somebody else might have more info on whether the more inexpensive stuff is good quality or not.     

[Julia1996]

Hi Allison, my sister uses gel nail polish and this special UV box to dry it.  It takes like 30 seconds to dry each coat.  I was thinking that the supplies were really expensive, but I just looked them up and they're not.  The nail polish looks about the same price as normal nail polish, and the dryers start at like $15.  Somebody else might have more info on whether the more inexpensive stuff is good quality or not.     

I have one of those and gel polish is totally cool but it's a pain to remove so I usually just use conventional nail polish because I like to change colors often.

[Allison S]

Thanks for the info I did get gel done before at a nail salon and I loved it. Even though it was just clear. I think I'll do that again and it lasts at least a week if not 2.

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[Donna]

My wife has taken on a bit of a role guiding my purchases  and dressing as I don't seem to have a lot of fashion sense yet. It make it simpler and she is guiding me with make up. I have to do it myself with her guidance so I learn.
As for male cloths, I absolutely cannot wear them anymore. I tried and it was so uncomfortable I took them off even faster than normal. It really is a strange feeling to sense the difference in materials.
Nails I have been doing for years and they are done all the time. We have a gel nail lamp already, I just need to get some new nail polish I tend to get them perfect and ten mess them up right away at work.

[Daisy Jane]

Have you ever felt that way with transitioning?

Lately I've been wondering if I traded in one set of problems to whole new ones... looking presentable as a "female" is hard! I used to just throw anything on and walk out and not care. Now from makeup, hair, clothes (too tight/revealing?) ..

Maybe I'm so new to full time that it feels overwhelming right now. I'm only 5 months hrt and my hair is barely past my ears.

I feel like I'm rushing things... yet I can't put on my old men's clothing anymore. I just don't have it in me like I used to.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Heh! totally forgot to reply to your OP.

I've definitely felt that way at times, but something always comes up that makes me think it's worth it. Maybe it's easier for me because I'm a little tomboyish. I think it's worth having simple clothing that you can throw on. If it's over 74 degrees I'm pretty much always in a tank and short shorts. If I don't wanna get done up (which is most days) I tie my hair back, put on some mascara and some Burt's Bees Tinted Lip Balm for a simple look.

[Allison S]

My wife has taken on a bit of a role guiding my purchases  and dressing as I don't seem to have a lot of fashion sense yet. It make it simpler and she is guiding me with make up. I have to do it myself with her guidance so I learn.
As for male cloths, I absolutely cannot wear them anymore. I tried and it was so uncomfortable I took them off even faster than normal. It really is a strange feeling to sense the difference in materials.
Nails I have been doing for years and they are done all the time. We have a gel nail lamp already, I just need to get some new nail polish I tend to get them perfect and ten mess them up right away at work.

You probably just need to find your taste in clothes. I really didn't want to buy women's sweaters, cardigans and hoodies for this winter so I didn't. I prefer less clothing so I bought dresses, skirts and crop tops.

I did buy some slacks/pants for work, but I need more and I also need some nice blouses/cardigans.

I need more leggings and shoes. I just need everything really I should've asked my sister if she has clothes she doesn't want since she's moving. They'd be tight on me but I like that lol

It's crazy to think how much my wardrobe is changing. I donated all my button up shirts and so much more. I think soon I'll have more women's clothing than men's. It's just I need to figure out if leggings are my go to daily casual wear. When it gets warmer I feel a bit shy to wear skirts... Maybe I'll switch to shorts then. Who knows I may just wear legginfs all the time. I just know I need more.

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[Northern Star Girl]

You probably just need to find your taste in clothes. I really didn't want to buy women's sweaters, cardigans and hoodies for this winter so I didn't. I prefer less clothing so I bought dresses, skirts and crop tops.

I did buy some slacks/pants for work, but I need more and I also need some nice blouses/cardigans.

I need more leggings and shoes. I just need everything really I should've asked my sister if she has clothes she doesn't want since she's moving. They'd be tight on me but I like that lol

It's crazy to think how much my wardrobe is changing. I donated all my button up shirts and so much more. I think soon I'll have more women's clothing than men's. It's just I need to figure out if leggings are my go to daily casual wear. When it gets warmer I feel a bit shy to wear skirts... Maybe I'll switch to shorts then. Who knows I may just wear legginfs all the time. I just know I need more.

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@ Allison S:  You are not alone in your clothing dilemma. As I switched over to full time 16 months ago and started my own business up here in the North (think "cold")  I had already given away just about all of my old male clothes except for a couple pairs of jeans and a few t-shirts that were small enough to fit me... the rest is GONE! 
    This reminds me of an old adage and a historic truth...  "When Cortez landed in the New World he set fire to and burnt all of his ships,that was a signal to his men that there was no going back"
    Because I am in a business where I am dealing with the financial affairs of clients I dress appropriately in dresses, blouses, skirts, heels, and even a blazer or dress jacket.  Because it is also so very cold up here in the winter I have had to use a good amount of my clothing budget to bundle up with warm winter jackets and coats, gloves, hats, boots, etc.... along with sweaters, slacks, long sleeve tops and other warm clothing.  Now that I have a good supply of warm clothes now I can spend more money on tops, underwear and bras, shoes and sandals, leggins, skinny jeans, shorts, tank tops, more summer clothes, cosmetics, salon visits, etc, etc.
    This "new" problem of clothing is actually lots of fun.... there are so many more choices of colors, designs, types of clothing and shoes, etc, etc.... than there were of men's clothing choices.... also I will spend more money on clothes now as a woman.   ....
    Ahhh, the price of beauty.

**So, Allison S, please keep posting your updates about your trials, tribulations, and successes.  I enjoy reading about them... and am always happy to offer my 2 cents worth... also more pictures would be nice as you feel more comfortable about posting them.
    Best Wishes,
    Aspiringperson

[Allison S]

I'm still too dysphoric about my face and body to post pictures. Actually leaving my house to go anywhere is too hard [emoji17]

I'm noticing weird things with one of my roommates. He saw me in a skirt, heels, little makeup and my feminine sunglasses last night. Then he emails me, after getting my email from the other roommate asking me if I'm home because he forgot his credit card.. um what?! When I got home it looks like the other roommate is here. So I'm confused. I'm sort of disappointed that the roommate I like who initially had my email never emailed me and now this other roommate did.

I know it's the hormones making me extra sensitive but I just wanna cry for some reason. It's really stupid.. maybe I should him that I like him. I don't know. I just don't want it to be uncomfortable living here. Not yet at least... even though it's not that big of a deal this really stinks. I don't even know why I like my other roommate we barely even talk [emoji17]

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