Positive Mindset... put away negativity

[SadieBlake]

Analytically, the risk averse utility function

Or for dog lovers RAUF!

;-)

[Northern Star Girl]

Analytically, the risk averse utility function

Or for dog lovers RAUF!

;-)

@SadieBlake    
"RAUF"   Very good indeed.....  excellent analogy!
Thanks for reading and thank you for your reply post.
Danielle

[Jayne01]

Well, as it turns out, I have an opportunity to use my financial business knowledge that I share with my clients ...to now help a good friend with her personal life issues.
Risk versus reward is a concept that can be applied in both scenarios.   
I have been counseling a very good personal friend regarding her personal life and her relationships with others.

The key concept is  "Risk is the price you pay for Opportunity."   
Without risk or a leap of faith there is no reward.

The quote can not and does not reveal anything about the outcome of the risk that we take.   It is important to realize that the outcome is usually binary... one way or the other.  There is obviously and absolutely no guarantee of a positive outcome.

Thinking that all FEAR is an obstacle that needs to be overcome is quite misguided.  Fear has a purpose of helping to influence us from doing something stupid, dangerous, and harmful.  It is the catalyst that tells us to carefully evaluate and minimize risk. Fear is actually our friend as long as we don't allow it to completely dictate our lives... if it does it then becomes our jail keeper.

The conclusion is if we never take any chances, then probably the choices we are making could be worth hardly anything. Nothing that is valuable in life and no opportunity or reward comes easily without some degree of risk.
However, we certainly have to decide what risks we are or are not willing to take.
We can ask others for advice, we can seek and gather information, but for certain the final decision is ours alone.

The overwhelming TRUTH here is:
If you play, you may win or lose, but if you don't play, you can never win.

Thanks for following and reading.
Danielle

Hi Danielle,
Your post is very well written and very timely for my own situation. I just stopped for a quick pit stop on my way to see parents to give them the news that I am trans. I am full of nerves and fear but I am not letting that control me. I need to tell my parents. There is a small risk that they will react badly to the news but it is worth the risk for the chance to have a relationship with them as their daughter. If I don't do this, then nothing will be gained. Time to hit the road again to get this show on the road.

Thank you for sharing your positivity.


Hugs,
Jayne

[Northern Star Girl]

Hi Danielle,
Your post is very well written and very timely for my own situation. I just stopped for a quick pit stop on my way to see parents to give them the news that I am trans. I am full of nerves and fear but I am not letting that control me. I need to tell my parents. There is a small risk that they will react badly to the news but it is worth the risk for the chance to have a relationship with them as their daughter. If I don't do this, then nothing will be gained. Time to hit the road again to get this show on the road.

Thank you for sharing your positivity.


Hugs,
Jayne

@Jayne01
Dear Jayne: 
I am so very happy to hear that you found my posting helpful to you....
... and of course I am very happy to hear of your good report that you posted on your thread about how well everything went for you with your "coming out" announcement to your family.

Your experience with that is a shining example of "Nothing ventured, Nothing gained"

Again, thanks for reading and following this thread and thank you for your reply comment.
Hugs and continued well wishes,
Danielle

[Jayne01]

@Jayne01
Dear Jayne: 
I am so very happy to hear that you found my posting helpful to you....
... and of course I am very happy to hear of your good report that you posted on your thread about how well everything went for you with your "coming out" announcement to your family.

Your experience with that is a shining example of "Nothing ventured, Nothing gained"

Again, thanks for reading and following this thread and thank you for your reply comment.
Hugs and continued well wishes,
Danielle

Thank you Danielle,
Yes, that day was full of all kinds of emotions. The one constant throughout the day was my determination to follow through with my plan to "come out" to my parents. There were several moments where my fear or anxiety almost made me chicken out. I made multiple trips to the bathroom and found myself staring in the mirror giving myself a pep talk. The pep talk was pretty much the underlying message of this entire thread. Thank you for creating this thread.

Hugs,
Jayne

[Katie Jade]

Dear Jayne
I do hope your meeting with your parents was good, or at least a good 'ice-breaker'.
I am in a similar position and all I can say is that from what I have seen and heard, almost all parents will always love their child no matter what they do. A small percentage of children, do unforgivable things but being trans isn't one of those categories.
I sincerely wish you all the best and recognition from your parents and family.
Keep on with the journey, this bit feels like uphill, but you will get to times that are on level ground or even feel like going downhill as well. Keep your faith and be yourself.
Bless


Love n Hugz
Katie.

[Jayne01]

Dear Jayne
I do hope your meeting with your parents was good, or at least a good 'ice-breaker'.
I am in a similar position and all I can say is that from what I have seen and heard, almost all parents will always love their child no matter what they do. A small percentage of children, do unforgivable things but being trans isn't one of those categories.
I sincerely wish you all the best and recognition from your parents and family.
Keep on with the journey, this bit feels like uphill, but you will get to times that are on level ground or even feel like going downhill as well. Keep your faith and be yourself.
Bless


Love n Hugz
Katie.

Hi Katie,

Yes, it went exceptionally well with my parents. Sorry, that wasn't made clear in my post on this thread. I wrote about it on my own personal thread. I could not have hoped for a better outcome with all of my family (sister, brother and his wife, and parents).

"Life is Better as Me, by Jayne"
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,230367.msg2151008.html#msg2151008

I hope it also went well for you with your parents. I just found your thread, I will read it and catch up on your story a little later today.

Thank you for your kind wishes.
Hugs,
Jayne

[pamelatransuk]

@pamelatransuk
Dear Pamela:  Thank you so very much for your kind words and thank you for reading and following my thread. 
I want you to feel very free to post any of your thoughts relevant to this thread's intent and purpose. 

It can be a comment, a favorite quotation, brief or rambling, etc.... although it would be nice but it doesn't have to be a poem, nor does it have to be a perfectly crafted writing... but rather whatever you post if it is from your heart and/or your experience that is what counts. Thank you again for your presence here, looking forward to you frequent visits.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Dear Danielle and others

The subject I wish to share from my perspective which must apply to so many of us in the early months of acceptance and then starting transition is "Embarrassment Removal". This is different and not so frightening as telling someone really close as that is win or lose situation but there is still embarrassment in other situations:

First, I sought therapy when I could take the GD no longer and was really nervous and embarrassed the first time in therapy but knew I just had to do it and as the first conversation progressed, I felt more at ease and able to open up more.

I had to explain but not to the same detail with my private and NHS doctors (the latter whom I have known for 16 years) my trans feelings; embarrassing but I still had to do it.

I decided to pick up at pharmacist my prescription instead of delivery by post and I was concerned by lack of privacy in the shop or even a comment from an assistant there. By the due time I had completely removed my embarrassment. I was right to assume something would be said to me but by the time it happened I was relaxed. The manageress simply asked to see me in a private office and clarified (as she is entitled to) that the medication was for me and its purpose. I confirmed I knew and I explained its necessity for me briefly.

Positive Mindset, I believe.

Hugs to all

Pamela

[davina61]

Now I just say it, no probs in my small local Boots (its tiny) used to me now. The only thing that makes me embarrassed is my fat gut showing when dressed up. Just have to run on my "past life mental picture" so if I look like a bloke in a frock I don't feel like it.

[Danielle Kristina]

Thank you Danielle for this thread!  I can't speak for everyone, but I know I could use a thread like this.  I need more positivity in my life.

[Northern Star Girl]

Thank you Danielle for this thread!  I can't speak for everyone, but I know I could use a thread like this.  I need more positivity in my life.

@Danielle Kristina ...  thank you for your comment...
Please visit here often and also feel free to post your thoughts as you feel comfortable doing.
Hugs and well wishes.
Danielle

[Jayne01]

I don't have any quotes to add along with this post other than to repeat Danielle's favourite Winston Churchill quote:

A pessimist finds difficulty in every opportunity,
An optimist finds opportunity in every difficulty.

My day started off kind of crappy. I posted about it in my own thread "Life is Better as Me, by Jayne". Briefly, my electrolysis appointment was cancelled today because my electrologist is feeling unwell. I was left with a 4 day beard growth with nothing to gain out of it. The cancelled appointment also meant I miss out on a day out in public as Jayne (I'm not full time yet), which is the part that disappointed me the most. That all bummed me out, but Shucky Darn (that was for you Danielle! 😁), I wasn't going to let myself get into a depressed mood. I used the opportunity of having extra free time from my cancelled appointment to do some much needed work around the house. I also got to spend some time texting with my best friend and to catch up on the forum. Overall, an opportunity was created out of what would have otherwise been a crappy day. I feel great now. And on the up side, there will be plenty of hair growth available for my electrologist to work with to fill a 4 hour session next time. Lately, she would run out of areas to work on before the 4hours are up. So more zap for my buck and I will be caught up and back on track in no time. Time for me to go shave away that pesky facial hair.

Wishing everyone a great day.

Hugs,
Jayne

[Katie Jade]

I prefer  to find an Opportunity in every Opportunity,

Sod the negatives, give them minimal time as its time/life wasted

Keep going

Luv N Hugz

Katie

[Northern Star Girl]

I prefer  to find an Opportunity in every Opportunity,

Sod the negatives, give them minimal time as its time/life wasted

Keep going

Luv N Hugz

Katie

@Katie Again
Dear Katie:   
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. 

I certainly agree and applaud your attitude about Opportunities and our life's Negatives.....   
...all of us will, at times, encounter and experience negative things happening in our lives.... but as you implied in your posting above, it is how we handle the issues emotionally and devising positive actions to resolve the issues.

Yes... Keep going!!!

Again, thank your for your comments and for following and reading this thread.
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle

[Danielle Kristina]

Dear Danielle and others

The subject I wish to share from my perspective which must apply to so many of us in the early months of acceptance and then starting transition is "Embarrassment Removal". This is different and not so frightening as telling someone really close as that is win or lose situation but there is still embarrassment in other situations:

First, I sought therapy when I could take the GD no longer and was really nervous and embarrassed the first time in therapy but knew I just had to do it and as the first conversation progressed, I felt more at ease and able to open up more.

I had to explain but not to the same detail with my private and NHS doctors (the latter whom I have known for 16 years) my trans feelings; embarrassing but I still had to do it.

I decided to pick up at pharmacist my prescription instead of delivery by post and I was concerned by lack of privacy in the shop or even a comment from an assistant there. By the due time I had completely removed my embarrassment. I was right to assume something would be said to me but by the time it happened I was relaxed. The manageress simply asked to see me in a private office and clarified (as she is entitled to) that the medication was for me and its purpose. I confirmed I knew and I explained its necessity for me briefly.

Positive Mindset, I believe.

Hugs to all

Pamela

Hi Pamela,

I remember how scared I was walking into my first gender therapy session.  I too was embarrassed to admit to things I struggled to admit to myself.  Like you, I knew it had to be done and I did it.  I got in therapy to address my transgender feelings since I can't deal with this alone, and I can't get the help I need if I'm not honest in my sessions.  I remember when my therapist asked if I wore boxers or panties, I couldn't even face her when I admitted that I wear panties.  She asked if I wore them part time or full time and again, without looking at her, I said full time.  But she never judged me and in fact she encourages me to be honest with myself about who I am.  Multiple times during these sessions I referred to my gender identity as my "dirty little secret."  However, she always reminded me that I had nothing to be ashamed of, that my feminine feelings are just a part of who I am.  While I don't share my gender identity with everyone, particularly since I haven't come out to anyone other than myself yet, I don't feel the shame I once did.

Hugs!!!!

Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

Dear Danielle and others

The subject I wish to share from my perspective which must apply to so many of us in the early months of acceptance and then starting transition is "Embarrassment Removal". This is different and not so frightening as telling someone really close as that is win or lose situation but there is still embarrassment in other situations:

First, I sought therapy when I could take the GD no longer and was really nervous and embarrassed the first time in therapy but knew I just had to do it and as the first conversation progressed, I felt more at ease and able to open up more.

I had to explain but not to the same detail with my private and NHS doctors (the latter whom I have known for 16 years) my trans feelings; embarrassing but I still had to do it.

I decided to pick up at pharmacist my prescription instead of delivery by post and I was concerned by lack of privacy in the shop or even a comment from an assistant there. By the due time I had completely removed my embarrassment. I was right to assume something would be said to me but by the time it happened I was relaxed. The manageress simply asked to see me in a private office and clarified (as she is entitled to) that the medication was for me and its purpose. I confirmed I knew and I explained its necessity for me briefly.

Positive Mindset, I believe.

Hugs to all

Pamela

@pamelatransuk
Dear Pamela:
Thank you for sharing your story and your thoughts about "Embarrassment Removal"
Everything you stated I can agree with.... 

....very nicely written and will certainly encourage others here in similar situations...

Thank you for reading, following and sharing you comments here.
Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

Hi Pamela,

I remember how scared I was walking into my first gender therapy session.  I too was embarrassed to admit to things I struggled to admit to myself.  Like you, I knew it had to be done and I did it.  I got in therapy to address my transgender feelings since I can't deal with this alone, and I can't get the help I need if I'm not honest in my sessions.  I remember when my therapist asked if I wore boxers or panties, I couldn't even face her when I admitted that I wear panties.  She asked if I wore them part time or full time and again, without looking at her, I said full time.  But she never judged me and in fact she encourages me to be honest with myself about who I am.  Multiple times during these sessions I referred to my gender identity as my "dirty little secret."  However, she always reminded me that I had nothing to be ashamed of, that my feminine feelings are just a part of who I am.  While I don't share my gender identity with everyone, particularly since I haven't come out to anyone other than myself yet, I don't feel the shame I once did.

Hugs!!!!

Danielle

@Danielle Kristina
Dear Danielle K:   
Thank you so very much for your followup posting to the comments by @pamelatransuk
These are issues that just about every transitioner goes through.   It is important that the newbies and even some of the longer term transitioners read this....  encouragement is found in your words.

Again, thank you for posting your comments... and for reading and following this thread.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle  (the Alaskan one)

[Sno]

Hmm.

Personally, a 'positive' only mindset strikes me as equally unbalanced as a 'negative only' mindset, known as clinical depression... except for one we are medicated and have other therapies available to us, and the other we are informed is 'how we should be'.

My feeling is that we seek contentment - celebration and joy for the positive; and understanding and resolution of the negative, including self forgiveness.

But then, who knows (says the person currently in therapy for a host of other issues)...


Rowan

[Jayne01]

Hmm.

Personally, a 'positive' only mindset strikes me as equally unbalanced as a 'negative only' mindset, known as clinical depression... except for one we are medicated and have other therapies available to us, and the other we are informed is 'how we should be'.

My feeling is that we seek contentment - celebration and joy for the positive; and understanding and resolution of the negative, including self forgiveness.

But then, who knows (says the person currently in therapy for a host of other issues)...


Rowan

Hi Rowan,

Your statement above, which I have highlighted is my understanding of what this thread is all about. We all experience negatives in our lives. There is no such thing as a "perfect" utopian world. I would actually find such a world a little creepy and uncomfortable. It is the way we deal with the negatives that makes all the difference in our mental well being. You said it perfectly.... "understanding and resolution of the negative, including self forgiveness." To me, that is the definition of having a positive mindset.

Hugs,
Jayne

[Northern Star Girl]

I just got this in an email from a very good friend of mine... 
....she seems to know me very well!!!   
I guess that I might have annoyed her occasionally with my optimistic and positive attitude about things.
Danielle