Name's Jessica( can't change the bloody name)
What do you do with your life when you feel like this nightmare which happens to be my silly existence will never end? I'm a ridiculous woman...otherwise a normal girl except a penis grew on me. A penis. Because of it, I killed 14 years of my life and now continuing with it is becoming harder and harder simply because I can't stand being incongruent. Every single guy I meet finds me attractive, beautiful, bla bla bla...but when he finds out about my curse, my handicap, he instantly feels disgusted by me. And then, every day it's like getting shot just knowing that in instead of a pussy, there's an ugly, miserable, stupid and useless piece of meat there that serves no purpose whatsoever but to turn my life into a living hell. Then, this brings the question: why was I even born? Why is a woman born in a body equipped with an organ that causes so much pain and suffering? What's the point?
Honestly, after the glorious day of my surgery, which sadly still got its ways to come because I'm currently unemployed, just not having it down there will transform my life. Let's forget about aesthetics, functionality...whatever you know. Just waking up in the morning and not having that demon attached to my body staring up at me making me think I'm sleeping having the worse nightmare you can think of. Going out without ever having to worry about the bloody thing being visible. No discomfort, be it psychological or physical. In fact, absolutely nothing, it'll just be another part of my body which then will be congruent. Fluent.
Sometimes I wonder just what force keeps me going through these dark times, you know. I wanna try to find hope that someday I'll remember these days much in the way I remember a nightmare, just an ugly, forgotten memory. I hope someday is coming along sooner rather than later because it's becoming a challenge to be handicapped like this.
May this curse end.
