Name's Jessica( can't change the bloody name)

What do you do with your life when you feel like this nightmare which happens to be my silly existence will never end? I'm a ridiculous woman...otherwise a normal girl except a penis grew on me. A penis. Because of it, I killed 14 years of my life and now continuing with it is becoming harder and harder simply because I can't stand being incongruent. Every single guy I meet finds me attractive, beautiful, bla bla bla...but when he finds out about my curse, my handicap, he instantly feels disgusted by me. And then, every day it's like getting shot just knowing that in instead of a pussy, there's an ugly, miserable, stupid and useless piece of meat there that serves no purpose whatsoever but to turn my life into a living hell. Then, this brings the question: why was I even born? Why is a woman born in a body equipped with an organ that causes so much pain and suffering? What's the point?

Honestly, after the glorious day of my surgery, which sadly still got its ways to come because I'm currently unemployed, just not having it down there will transform my life. Let's forget about aesthetics, functionality...whatever you know. Just waking up in the morning and not having that demon attached to my body staring up at me making me think I'm sleeping having the worse nightmare you can think of. Going out without ever having to worry about the bloody thing being visible. No discomfort, be it psychological or physical. In fact, absolutely nothing, it'll just be another part of my body which then will be congruent. Fluent.

Sometimes I wonder just what force keeps me going through these dark times, you know. I wanna try to find hope that someday I'll remember these days much in the way I remember a nightmare, just an ugly, forgotten memory. I hope someday is coming along sooner rather than later because it's becoming a challenge to be handicapped like this.

May this curse end.

I feel you. I'm on the other end. It is like a curse and I sometimes feel hopeless. I was given a natural cup size G. It is so ironic. I don't want it at all and I got size XXXL. Makes it nearly impossible to bind.

I hate my chest and would without hesitation donate it to someone who has a better need of it.

But I'm thinking of the upcoming meeting with my gender therapist. I'm on my way. That makes me feel better. I have taken steps towards the true me.


Tony

On the site, I can change the name for you. Use the members tab in the upper right hand corner of the screen and find a unique name. PM me with your request and I will change it for you.

I was in your predicament as well. I had the money to complete my transition but I lost my job just before I started RLE. By the time I found another job, I had put a serious dent in my funds but I had started RLE. It took about 2.5 years to build my saving to the point where I could pay for surgery. It might look bad now, but it is possible to reach your goal with a little patients.

Quote from: MeTony on June 17, 2018, 11:06:39 PM
I feel you. I'm on the other end. It is like a curse and I sometimes feel hopeless. I was given a natural cup size G. It is so ironic. I don't want it at all and I got size XXXL. Makes it nearly impossible to bind.

I hate my chest and would without hesitation donate it to someone who has a better need of it.

But I'm thinking of the upcoming meeting with my gender therapist. I'm on my way. That makes me feel better. I have taken steps towards the true me.


Tony

I wish we could trade each other's parts. Imagine how neat that would be.





*No Profanity Please*

I feel your pain. The only way I get SRS is to pay for it myself and the only way that happens is If I save (which with two kids is VERY hard) or sell the house to get the 30k I'd need. No insurance cover in New Zealand for SRS anywhere. So I've arranged orchie - which I can get for free. The waiting is not fun but I know it will end.

It's awful, take pleasure in small things and try and find something beautiful in everything.

Sorry that you feel so bad Jessica. If it's any consolation, you might want to take heart from the growing interest by 'straight' men in Ladyboys. In many cases, the fact that many are pre-op girls with a penis is actually viewed as a bonus by many admirers.

I fully expect to get shot down by some for making that observation, but the truth is the truth, end of. Strictly speaking from a purists point of view, some would say it doesn't matter how much surgery you have, if you haven't got or had - ovaries - you're not a woman. I personally don't agree with that, but it is some people's view.

I'm not here to argue if bottom surgery makes someone more of a woman than another, merely to give you some hope in the meantime, whether you have surgery, or not.

It's a crazy world and we're all in it together. Hope you find some peace ;-)

Hugs,
Jenna xx

Quote from: Dany on June 17, 2018, 10:55:12 PM
Name's Jessica( can't change the bloody name)

What do you do with your life when you feel like this nightmare which happens to be my silly existence will never end? I'm a ridiculous woman...otherwise a normal girl except a penis grew on me. A penis. Because of it, I killed 14 years of my life and now continuing with it is becoming harder and harder simply because I can't stand being incongruent. Every single guy I meet finds me attractive, beautiful, bla bla bla...but when he finds out about my curse, my handicap, he instantly feels disgusted by me. And then, every day it's like getting shot just knowing that in instead of a pussy, there's an ugly, miserable, stupid and useless piece of meat there that serves no purpose whatsoever but to turn my life into a living hell. Then, this brings the question: why was I even born? Why is a woman born in a body equipped with an organ that causes so much pain and suffering? What's the point?

Honestly, after the glorious day of my surgery, which sadly still got its ways to come because I'm currently unemployed, just not having it down there will transform my life. Let's forget about aesthetics, functionality...whatever you know. Just waking up in the morning and not having that demon attached to my body staring up at me making me think I'm sleeping having the worse nightmare you can think of. Going out without ever having to worry about the bloody thing being visible. No discomfort, be it psychological or physical. In fact, absolutely nothing, it'll just be another part of my body which then will be congruent. Fluent.

Sometimes I wonder just what force keeps me going through these dark times, you know. I wanna try to find hope that someday I'll remember these days much in the way I remember a nightmare, just an ugly, forgotten memory. I hope someday is coming along sooner rather than later because it's becoming a challenge to be handicapped like this.

May this curse end.

Sweetie, where there's life there's hope. Where there's life there's the capacity for change. Why were you born? Because you're valuable. Because you have something to offer. This piece of meat doesn't define you. It doesn't make you who you are. The why... that's a matter of debate. Of theories. Maybe one day of definitive proof. Who knows.

But you're more than what's between your legs. You're more than that. It isn't you any more than your thumb is you. Hold on to that, okay? What makes you you comes from inside you. Making the outside match with what you see in your mind's eye might take away a lot of the pain and heartache you feel... but it isn't you, Dany. We are all more than the big sacks of meat we walk around in. That's what keeps you going. I think deep down you know that.

*big hug* Keep going, okay? I believe in you.