YIKES - Overnight field trip with my kid!???

[Marcieelizabeth]

IHi ladies, I am close to being fully me, Marcie, but not there yet. 

I have a conundrum, a problem, a question!!!!

I am signed up to be a chaperone on a field trip overnight with my daughters music class in HS,  I am not out to most of the world so how to figure out who, Male or FEMALE I will be bunking with, and whether I AM A FEMALE OR MALE CHAPERONE? IS AN ISSUE!

To complicate it further many of my daughters friends know about me being trans because she has told them! 

This one has got me...I will speak to the teacher and confide in her and try to maybe bunk with my daughter...she may not approve of that though because she will want to be with her friends.   And my daughter has now said, though she has transgender friends and is herself pan-sexual by admission, that she fears me being bullied or she being bullied because I am trans.

Her latest statement was - Cant you just be Dad for this trip!?  Problem is timing, it is about two months until the trip and I am in the midst of coming out!


Thanks for your thoughts, support, and comments in advance!

Love and Hugs, Marcie

[Donica]

Hi Marcie! This is a tough one. When I did these over night field trips with my kids, I was trans bud not yet out. So for me, it was, I won't say easy, but necessary for my children's well-being to present as male (Dad). They have always known their father was trans and have since left the nest, allowing me to go full time.

This was my solution and not necessarily yours. But as you say you are in the process of coming out, you are not yet full time? If it is impossible to hide things? I would suggest talking with your daughter's teacher. Otherwise it may be in your best interest to present as Dad, as painful as it is. Another thing you may want to consider if you present as female, how will your daughter refer to you in public?

I'm sure children will want to be with their friends. My kids did. We just hung-out with the rest of the parents/chaperones and kept an eye on things. Those were fun days and wonderful memories.

Hope this helps. This is certainly a difficult topic. One that I had to face myself.

[StacyRenee]

I would base it on whether you're living full time as female. If you're just coming out, nothing says that you have to present feminine all the time.

I came out to my family and friends before coming out at work. That was the last place I came out. I didn't go full time for another month. And even after going full time I still used the men's locker room and restrooms for another 3+ months. I did so to avoid making my female coworkers uncomfortable.

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[Iztaccihuatl]

I came out to my family and friends before coming out at work. That was the last place I came out. I didn't go full time for another month. And even after going full time I still used the men's locker room and restrooms for another 3+ months. I did so to avoid making my female coworkers uncomfortable.

I have a question here: So you were presenting as female but you were using men's restrooms and locker rooms. Didn't that make the male coworkers uncomfortable? To me it feels more natural that a person presenting as female (although maybe not fully passing) uses the ladies' room rather than going to the men's room. I mean, envisioning myself in the men's room fixing up my lipstick in front of the vanity mirror would probably make all folks in there pretty uncomfortable...