I am starting here as an introduction. I am 66 years old and a transgender Woman. I finnaly gave myself permission to allow this to become a reality about 2 months ago. 🙃 I don't know exactly how it happened, it was like one day a light went on in my brain. I have always had doubts about my actions for most of my life.I joined the Navy right out of high school. I married 1 year later, high school sweetheart, I thought I was in love, maybe I was, maybe it was that I had to have girlfriend as it was what we were supposed to do. I never really showed true emotions. My upbringing we were taught not to show any emotions. Men don't cry sought of thing. Anyway I spenty 75 percent of my 20 years of marriage at sea on several ships. This didn't do well for the marriage. During this time we grew apart. Often at times I would find myself during the course of our marriage envying my wife. This was weird for me, as I was envious of her clothes and makeup. I would wear her underwear when she was at her parents on weekends. I would at times use her makeup too. I couldn't explain to myself why. I just know I liked this. When she was home at times I would watch her dress and wish it was me. I found this exciting, but also thought this was not normal. This went on for some time. One weekend I got the nerve to buy a matching set of night gowns when she was out of town. I hung them in our closets and when she came home I told her. I said these were both of and asked if we could wear them tonight and just snuggle together. This did not go over to good. I wore mine as she said no worries but she wasn't. But things changed after that. Needless to say a couple years later we were divorced.
Now the stranges thing happened that I never could have imagined. We got divorced and we had 2 children 1 boy 1 girl. My daughter well let's say we don't talk. My son He fell into the same trap I did, He joined the marines. So now I'm single and move on and for the several years I'm drifting through life not knowing but suppressing all my thoughts of dressing and trying to move on. I get into a bisexual relationship with a couple that last a year. Thus brings back those feelings but the couple will not allow cross dressing, so I end the relationship. About 9 months later I meet another girl who does like me who is ok with cross dressing and this last about 1 month. It's just nit right, cross dressing isn't quite what I want. Fast forwar. I get married again for 5 more years to try to put my life back in some kind of order. Againd suppres everything in my head. Not working, divorce again. I know something is not right with me. Something is missing. All my life I have always felt I have had to prove I am a man I have alway been on the outside so to speak. I know that sounds wierd. Well heres the the shocker to me, my son calls me and wants to talk. He stops by, he now has 2 daughters and he is discharged from the marines. He tells me he is a transgender woman.YES, I am not shocked at all. I was stunned that I was not shocked. Was it because I think he knew about me, I don't know. My only reply to him wad ,I support you in everything and decision you do, and that I live you.
This was in 2018. We have not spoken since. This is my regret. Since then I have suppressed so much about myself and something happened this February that awoke in me and I started rwading about gender dysphoria and I started looking back at my life. I started seeing things and realizing why I did some of the things I did. I blame myself for my transgender daughter at times also.
I have no male clothes except 1 set of underwear, 1 shirt, 2 sweat shirts in case of emergency in the near future. I know this long and some of it is probably mundane, but one I got typing I didn't know when to stop.
As I wrote this a few days ago, I was not planning on writing a blog to record this part of my life. But now that I think of it, I think this is a good way to memorize my journey. I have never blogged before so I will see how it goes.
