I am starting here as an introduction. I am 66 years old and a transgender Woman.  I finnaly gave myself permission to allow this to become a reality about 2 months ago. 🙃 I don't know exactly how it happened, it was like one day a light went on in my brain. I have always had doubts about my actions for most of my life.I joined the Navy right out of high school. I married 1 year later, high school sweetheart,  I thought I was in love, maybe I was, maybe it was that I had to have girlfriend as it was what we were supposed to do. I never really showed true emotions. My upbringing we were taught not to show any emotions. Men don't cry sought of thing. Anyway I spenty 75 percent of my 20 years of marriage at sea on several ships. This didn't do well for the marriage.  During this time we grew apart.  Often at times I would find myself during the course of our marriage envying my wife. This was weird for me, as I was envious of her clothes and makeup. I would wear her underwear when she was at her parents on weekends.  I would at times use her makeup too. I couldn't explain to myself why. I just know I liked this. When she was home at times I would watch her dress and wish it was me. I found this exciting, but also thought this was not normal. This went on for some time.  One weekend I got the nerve to buy a matching set of night gowns when she was out of town. I hung them in our closets and when she came home I told her. I said these were both of and asked if we could wear them tonight and just snuggle together. This did not go over to good. I wore mine as she said no worries but she wasn't.  But things changed after that. Needless to say a couple years later we were divorced.
Now the stranges thing happened that I never could have imagined. We got divorced  and we had 2 children 1 boy 1 girl. My daughter well let's say we don't talk. My son He fell into the same trap I did, He joined the marines. So now I'm single and move on and for the several years I'm drifting through life not knowing but suppressing all my thoughts of dressing and trying to move on. I get into a bisexual relationship with a couple that last a year. Thus brings back those feelings but the couple will not allow cross dressing, so I end the relationship.  About 9 months later I meet another girl who does like me who is ok with cross dressing and this last about 1 month. It's just nit right, cross dressing isn't quite what I want. Fast forwar. I get married again for 5 more years to try to put my life back in some kind of order. Againd suppres everything in my head. Not working, divorce again. I know something is not right with me. Something is missing.  All my life I have always felt I have had to prove I am a man I have alway been on the outside so to speak. I know that sounds wierd. Well heres the the shocker to me, my son calls me and wants to talk. He stops by, he now has 2 daughters and he is discharged from the marines. He tells me he is a transgender woman.YES, I am not shocked at all. I was stunned that I was not shocked. Was it because I think he knew about me, I don't  know. My only reply to him wad ,I support you in everything and decision you do, and that I live you.
This was in 2018. We have not spoken since. This is my regret. Since then I have suppressed so much about myself and something happened this February that awoke in me and I started rwading about gender dysphoria and I started looking back at my life. I started seeing things and realizing why I did some of the things I did. I blame myself for my transgender daughter at times also.
I have no male clothes except 1 set of underwear, 1 shirt, 2 sweat shirts in case of emergency in the near future. I know this long and some of it is probably mundane, but one I got typing I didn't know when to stop.
As I wrote this a few days ago, I was not planning on writing a blog to record this part of my life. But now that I think of it, I think this is a good way to memorize my journey.  I have never blogged before so I will see how it goes.

After 6 weeks of being on HRT I am feeling really good about myself. I always wonder if these patches were working or am I just going nowhere fast. Well these past days I have noticed noticeable pain, not severe but noticeable in my nipples. Now I know that the HRT is working. I thought maybe the low dosage was too low and doubted its ability to do anything.  I know my well being has improved but I can contribute that to the fact that I am acknowledging who I really am and am taking action on this. But to see and feel physical actions really affirms that I'm on my way to who I am. And this is where I belong. I've come so far, and many years. I know I have many more miles to go in my journy, but this is my first sign that I can say I "press onward, theres no time to look back. I am so happy to feel this pain.

Now to keep with the weight loss plan. I started on 10 February 2025 at 198 and today 14 April 2025 I am at 177.7. I have set a goal of 152. I am not sure how this works with HRT. But Im sure I will find out. 😊

Quote from: Annaliese on April 14, 2025, 12:20:55 PMI am so happy to feel this pain.

I envy your pain, Annaliese! Please keep sharing it with me. As an older, mostly woman (my he/her pronouns are for a reason) I've often wondered how I would respond to HRT and am seriously considering finding out for certain sometime this summer. You will know I decided to follow in your path the moment my pronouns change. I didn't realize I was mostly female until a few years ago. And, since that realization, every year that passes makes me feel more like a woman. I asked Ashley how I would feel if I started on HRT. She replied, at least for her, it was the difference between watching your life on a black and white TV and living it inside all the colors of the rainbow (I've paraphrased a bit, but not much). I'm looking forward to sharing your journey.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 14, 2025, 12:53:46 PMI envy your pain, Annaliese! Please keep sharing it. I'm looking forward to sharing your journey.

Thank you, It is a long awaited one, as you are aware.  Yours is also a journey that is one I have been following.  Each of us are unique in our paths but similar in our lives in some way or another. Each day brings a new dawn. I aim to always move onward.  I at this moment in my personal life am on my own. My family or friends do not know and this is my preference.  I am making my preparations to relocate later this year to Colorado.  I do have a lot of feelings of uncertainty and fear in my future, but I find alot of confort in this place and the people here. I embrace who I am and am going to press onward and look forward to whom I am  as for me there is no time to look back.

Yesterday was a great day for me as I was able to finally start one of the things I have been wanting to do for so many years. I never liked this body hair I was given. I have over the years grown used to it as I had no choice in the matter. I can on on few occasions in the past recall shaving my chest and legs as I would dress up and wear some women's clothes on those times when I had the opportunity.  It always felt so good. But then to only have to make some wild excuse to my wife when she returned home why my chest and lower legs hairs were gone. Holy smokes. I only did legs 1 or 2 times. How many times could I use the excuse of spilling acetone while painting. I don't think she believed me but hey who cared.
Anyway so yesterday I finally had Motus AY laser laser hair removal on my arms, face, neck, chest, and under arms. I am scheduled for my full legs on 2 May. It was such a wonderful time. It was definitely like a spa day. I can say that It was something that I thought would be embarrassing. ButI was very comfortable and relaxed. The technician was very nice. She made me feel at ease and very comfortable. It was worth the almost 2 hour ride. I will say I am excited and feeling very optimistic. These sessions come with 6 follow sessions. A long haul of SPA time.  😉

Until my next post 🤗

Just poking my nose into your blog to give you a giant hug, honey. You seem like my kind of gal going by your posts around the rest of the forums.

*giant hugs*

Quote from: Sephirah on April 17, 2025, 06:36:53 PMJust poking my nose into your blog to give you a giant hug, honey. You seem like my kind of gal going by your posts around the rest of the forums.

*giant hugs*

thanks. I am just starting my journey. I am so glad to have found Susan's Place.  I feel like I have found a space where I can finally feel free to be myself and express myself as I move through this trying and unknown time. I am excited and anxious as this unknown future in front of me makes itself known to me as each day passes. Not sure of which way it will turn.But I am determined to press forward. I so much appreciate all the support here and recognize that this is a long road to travel and cannot be done alone.

Quote from: Annaliese on April 17, 2025, 06:53:07 PMthanks. I am just starting my journey. I am so glad to have found Susan's Place.  I feel like I have found a space where I can finally feel free to be myself and express myself as I move through this trying and unknown time. I am excited and anxious as this unknown future in front of me makes itself known to me as each day passes. Not sure of which way it will turn.But I am determined to press forward. I so much appreciate all the support here and recognize that this is a long road to travel and cannot be done alone.

As far as any of us here are concerned, honey, you're Annaliese. The girl who likes steak and kidney pies Who you are... you get to decide.

Whatever the future holds, you don't have to go through it alone, okay?

Every step you take is one step closer.

I've kind of felt like that for close on two decades. The people here... y'all are something special. You accept without judgement. You embrace without question. You support without malice.

We all need that these days.

Quote from: Annaliese on April 14, 2025, 12:20:55 PMI Now to keep with the weight loss plan. I started on 10 February 2025 at 198 and today 14 April 2025 I am at 177.7. I have set a goal of 152. I am not sure how this works with HRT. But Im sure I will find out. 😊

It's  been a week since I added to my blog. Not much happened. Just enjoying my daily life. Keeping to my routine of trying to become the new me. I do look forward to Monday mornings  though. I get to step on the scale. I get to see the results of a week of eating less and good diet, and the daily exercise. Its a little reward but one that I work hard for. So today I weighed in at an even 175 pounds. Yabba dabba doo. I was happy. Getting there. Saturday I added bicycle riding back to my daily routine. I only 2 miles a day right now. But in time I will try to add more.

Other than that I have been just enjoying everyone here at Susan's Place  and ploddibg along. I hope everyone has a great day. 🤗 👐 Until next. Annaliese.

@Annaliese
Dear Annaliese:
I am so glad to see that last week you had started your very own Blog Thread
here on the Forum.

This will be your Journal where you can share your thoughts and comments regarding
your life journey with other like-minded members. 

In addition to my own Forum Blog Thread I keep a more private "old school" pen and paper
journal/diary at my home that includes snap shots, hand drawn doodling, and notes and
cards from my dear friends.

On cold, snowy nights, of which there are many here in Alaska where I live, I can be
found in my favorite chair in front of my fireplace reading over past entries, sometimes
with tears in my eyes, and sometimes with laughter.

When you share good news and successes your followers and readers (me included) will rejoice
with you... and when you report "not-so-good" news we will give your our ears to listen and
our shoulders for you to lean on.

Your BLOG Thread here becomes your HOME here on the FORUM where members here can easily find you
and exchange comments and thoughts with you.

I will continue to follow your updates, postings and reply comments not only here on your
Blog Thread but also all around the various Topics and Threads available on the Forum.

My best wishes to you for your success and happiness as you continue on in your journey.

Warmly,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator      Direct Email address:  alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on April 21, 2025, 02:22:15 PM@Annaliese
Dear Annaliese:
I am so glad to see that last week you had started your very own Blog Thread
here on the Forum.

This will be your Journal where you can share your thoughts and comments regarding
your life journey with other like-minded members. 

Thank you Danielle 😊.  I have never blogged before, but I am finding that I want to document my journey  here. I know I do not have an exciting life as many do. I live a pretty boring life here in my home in Virginia.  But I am learning how to blog as I listen to the many members here at Susan's Place.  As I go through the many changes in my new life, I feel it is indeed important to document the positive and the negative experiences that are to come. I truly appreciate all the support here. Hugs. Annaliese.

Quote from: Annaliese on April 22, 2025, 08:56:15 AMI have never blogged before, but I am finding that I want to document my journey  here.

Writing, especially about feelings, can be very helpful, especially for those of us who aren't used to expressing (or even identifying) our feelings in the first place. It's really common for anyone brought up to be masculine to have a kind of mental gate that comes down and stops us acknowledging our feelings and the power of writing is it can teach us it's safe to get past the gate.

The best thing about blogs is that others can encourage us by legitimising what we feel and encourage us to accept our emotional landscape is okay. Get that done and it's a short step to doing the same with our gender identity. Go for it girl.

Enjoy your journey!


Chrissy

You are bravely going where you've not been before!  I'm certainly enjoying the stories and life experiences around me though.

I feel too self conscious to do a personal daily blog.  So, living vicariously and poking in occasionally is my limit. I'm a poor typist anyhow:)

Another week on on my jorney, 
I am now out 3 months since I began this journey. I have to say so far it has been a very enlightening time.  This past week I spent alot of time in thought of how my future is going to look like. I can't seem to see through the mist still. I keep seeing myself stuck in some kind of roadblock. I know where I want to be but each time I see a path forward, I find myself not ready. Too many things to do. I want to be free of this place and start anew someplace else. My timeline is too far out. 😔

Well I have a busy week coming up. I have a support group meeting finnaly this Thursday. I think this will be good  for me. Also on Thursday I get my Labwork done to check estrogen and testerone levels. Hopefully the levels are good compared to what I started out. And Friday my Hair removal appointment for my legs. This is going to keep me busy this week. 

On my weight side was not too good, only down 1/2 pound. Not sure why. I have been doing the same diet and excercises.

 Oh well. I hope everyone is having a good week.  That's all for my blog for this week  🤗 Annaliese.

Quote from: Annaliese on April 28, 2025, 03:39:41 PMOn my weight side was not too good, only down 1/2 pound. Not sure why. I have been doing the same diet and excercises.

Don't panic. 1/2 pound is the equivalent of two hamburger patties, or a 1/2 pint of water.

You didn't gain anything, so all is good. At about six months on HRT, the fat re-distribution starts to show. Not in weight gain or loss, but in smoothing of the skin, less muscle definition, and softening of the facial features. Buckle up and enjoy the ride!

Quote from: Annaliese on April 28, 2025, 03:39:41 PMAnother week on on my jorney, 
I am now out 3 months since I began this journey. I have to say so far it has been a very enlightening time.  This past week I spent alot of time in thought of how my future is going to look like. I can't seem to see through the mist still. I keep seeing myself stuck in some kind of roadblock. I know where I want to be but each time I see a path forward, I find myself not ready. Too many things to do. I want to be free of this place and start anew someplace else. My timeline is too far out. 😔

Well I have a busy week coming up. I have a support group meeting finnaly this Thursday. I think this will be good  for me. Also on Thursday I get my Labwork done to check estrogen and testerone levels. Hopefully the levels are good compared to what I started out. And Friday my Hair removal appointment for my legs. This is going to keep me busy this week. 

On my weight side was not too good, only down 1/2 pound. Not sure why. I have been doing the same diet and excercises.

 Oh well. I hope everyone is having a good week.  That's all for my blog for this week  🤗 Annaliese.

Anna, if there's one thing I've learned in all this... don't look at the mountain. Look at your feet. And take it one step at a time. We can never see the horizon because it changes day-to-day based on how we feel.

To quote Lao Tzu: "The Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Wise dudes. Keep taking those single steps and they will add up. Every time you're thinking you take a step backwards, you aren't. Because we are always learning. So we just take a step forwards in a different direction.

You've got this, Anna. I believe in you. <3

@Annaliese   cc: @Sephirah

Dear Annaliese:

As our dear member Sephirah so aptly and correctly stated:
      "...take it one step at a time."

Transitioning is a process, a work in progress as we continue to gain our
own self-confidence and also continue to gain the acceptance of others.

Never give up... keep going with one step at a time. 
The good news is:  It will become easier as you continue to make progress.

Your readers and followers including myself, will be eagerly looking forward
to your updates and postings here on your Blog Thread and on the various
Topics and Threads on the Forum.

I am wishing you happiness and success as you continue in your journey.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Here we are the the 5th of May Cinco De Mayo. For me this is a celebration of mini wins for the past week. I started the week very anxious and in a funk. I was constantly looking too deep into my thoughts. I know I wanted to handle this journey by myself. I really thought I could handle it. The more I kept thinking how I would get through this the more lost I became. I would research, read, listen, and overthink. This was giving me migraines. I realized I could not do this alone.

On Monday,  I started a search for therapist in my area that I could reach out to. I had to ensure that I could find one that my insurance would cover. I was surprised that I was striking out everywhere I was looking
This was really bothering me as this area is not a small are. It is a major city in most aspects. I found several that would provide online therapy  and were lbgqt friendly but no in-person. Or the few I found only took out of service insurance. I was striking out.

Finally on Thursday I finally found a place, I was relieved. I was set up with an appointment with a male therapist.  I honestly did not feel comfortable with this and requested a female therapist.  I don't know why but I can't discuss these feelings with another man. I have my first appointment on Wednesday 7 May. I can't wait to be honest.

So I am so relieved that I can now finally talk to someone about this with. That is huge for me. Maybe I will sleep better now.

I also attended my first support group last Wednesday. It was an online zoom group. I really enjoyed it. I felt so at ease and comfortable.  I thought I would feel out of place, but I didn't.  I look forward to next months meeting.  Perhaps after a few zoom meetings I will attend the in-person meetings.

On Wednesday I also had my blood work done for my hrt levels. This part was also a bit good. My levels did progress some in a positive way.
My testerone went from 470 to 290.
My Estradiol went from 27 to 63.1
I meet with my provider on 23 to discuss results. I can't wait.

Had my first Motaf AY laser removal on Friday for my legs. Now all my body hair has finally completed step 1of laser hair removal 😊 go back in 6 and 8 week intervals to maintain and finish.

I also lost 4.1 pounds since my last blog. But I am afraid it was muscle weight.  I need to work on that. I am now down to 171.5
And today I got the courage to post my picture on my profile here, thanks to the beautiful Lilis. She was my main reason I posted it. I drew from her strength.

Well like I said I had a very busy week, both emotionally and physically.

Well that is all for my weekly blog.

Congratulations, Annaliese. It's always wonderful to have a stretch of funk give way to good results and reasons to be positive. May they continue for you.