Hi Alice You said:
Quote from: herminonie on May 24, 2025, 08:08:01 AMHearing that you started living like your true self in 1989 is so inspirational, I can't even imagine what that was like for you. So much has changed since then! I'm so happy you're here now. When you said that you haven't told anyone about you, did you mean that you live "stealth" now? That no one knows you're trans?
I don't now how to convey what really happened, but the reasons for changing my life around (I must emphasis that I did not transition) can be found in
my epiphany. Imagine? Or even what it was like then? It was just a simple case of the next day, I was living and working as female after travelling across country. It was that simple no drama.
To this day, yes I'm stealth to answer your question (I don't use this term to describe me ever, I just live my life as me, as a female). I never even told my family or friends at the time when I left, however my family eventually found out and they accept me unconditionally. I never tell anyone about my past and even then I will think twice before telling any doctor.
These days there is a lot of information available, but virtually none when I changed my life around. It must be said, "I'm not trans" never have been and never will be. I just live in the binary world and that word did not exist at the time.
Quote from: herminonie on May 24, 2025, 08:08:01 AMI've been a bit confused about my own journey and realization. I've always known that something was different or "wrong" with me. I've known that for as long as I can remember. No matter the context or who I was with I always felt like something wasn't quite right. For the longest time I just thought that I was "broken", and I'm still working a lot with getting over those thoughts.
As I mentioned, there was always something that seemed missing, something in the back of my mind or something one could not put ones finger on it. It's very hard to describe it actually. It was there, not all the time but it was there. I was never worried or concerned about it. There is nothing wrong with you and you are not broke. Eventually that something went away when I had surgery. When I woke up from the surgery the second time and look down and saw a bundle of bandages and thinking has it gone! Then a peace and contentment came over me like a fog had been lifted from my mind and I went back to sleep.
Quote from: herminonie on May 24, 2025, 08:08:01 AMI "borrowed" my mothers clothes when I lived at home in my teens and I was home alone, and I fantasized about being a woman from an early age. But I never actually made the connection that my "symptoms" were actually gender dysphoria or that I was trans. I wasn't even aware of gender dysphoria as a concept. I think that maybe I thought I wasn't trans "enough" since I didn't tell my parents that I was actually a girl as a child and I didn't express anything like that as a child growing up as far as I know. No one told me that if you feel like a woman, you are one. If you feel like you should've been born in a different body, you're trans.
Thinking about living as a female does not by itself mean gender dysphoria. Clinically defined gender dysphoria appears only when all three of the following line up:
- A persistent sense that your present body or legal gender role feels wrong or incomplete.
- Significant distress or impairment tied to that feeling. Distress may surface as anxiety, depression and social withdrawal or as a constant preoccupation that disrupts everyday life.
- Duration of at least six months in adults, as set out in the DSM-5 notes.
Many people, including men who feel entirely comfortable as male, sometimes picture life in a different gender. Some do it for curiosity, artistic role-play, erotic fantasy or simple empathy. If those thoughts bring no lasting distress, cause no functional impairment and do not dominate your sense of self, the diagnostic threshold for gender dysphoria is not reached.
If you are unsure keep three quick questions in mind:
- Do these thoughts dominate my day or are they only occasional?
- Do they leave me upset, anxious or depressed afterwards?
- Do they interfere with work, relationships or sleep?
You would need to answer "yes" to all three before it becomes wise to speak with a therapist who understands gender health. Otherwise such thoughts are part of normal human imagination.
That matches my own experience. I borrowed my mother's clothes in my teens and imagined life as a woman, yet I never told my parents I wanted to be a girl and I kept every thought private. I felt no ongoing distress about my body or identity and have never shown the clinical signs of Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity Disorder or Body Dysphoria.
When I tried on my mother's clothes the result was a complete failure because the sizes and proportions were wrong, so nothing fit the way I pictured and I stopped. I also had no sisters or female cousins close in size so I could not borrow or try on other girl clothes.
Looking back I see I was curious rather than dysphoric. The curiosity passed without emotional turmoil and my sense of self has always stayed steady.
I have to disagree with the idea that "If you feel you should have been born in a different body you are trans." Feeling a mismatch does not automatically assign any label.
I was born with the body I have yet my sense of self has always been female. If genetic change were possible I would choose it without hesitation, but it is not, so I accept my body unconditionally. The word "transgender" feels like name calling to me. I keep my history private and the people who meet me simply see me as a woman, nothing less, nothing more. Labels add no insight to my life or my identity.
Quote from: herminonie on May 24, 2025, 08:08:01 AMBut last year I met this girl and we started seeing each other and develop feelings for each other. There was something about the dynamics in our relationship, the way she made me feel, that made me feel better about myself than I had ever done with another person before. I remember us talking a lot about sex and love and I told her things I hadn't told anyone before. She expressed to me how she felt that she might be lesbian and hadn't really thought that she'd have feelings for a "man" again (talking about me lol). We laughed a bunch later about me being the last nail in the coffin for her accepting that she's a lesbian.
She also introduced me to the concept of gender euphoria, the way she felt when she did certain things. I think I made a connection to the way I had felt in certain situations before and maybe started realizing that my feelings weren't because of some shameful fetish or anything, but something beautiful instead.
Your story about discovering love with her really speaks to how powerful the right connection can be. I understand what she shared about thinking she was finished with men then finding herself drawn to you. The two of you laughing about being the "last nail" shows how personal chemistry can override tidy categories or labels.
Her explanation of gender euphoria also resonates with me. Hearing how certain actions made her feel perfectly at home in her body helped you see similar moments from your own life as something beautiful rather than shameful. That realisation can be freeing and that feeling still permeates with me still to this day.
For my part I have never experienced gender dysphoria. I was born with the body I have yet my mind has always been female. I dislike the word trans as I have said and the labels that come with it. Still I know the lift that comes when everything lines up for a brief instant and the world feels right. Your new understanding of euphoria is a reminder that such moments are valid. They do not require a diagnosis or a label. They simply confirm who we are.
Hold on to the confidence you felt with her. Let those joyful flashes guide you toward a fuller sense of self. Whether or not anyone adopts a particular term does not change the reality of what you both experienced, genuine affection, honest conversation and a shared sense of being seen.
Quote from: herminonie on May 24, 2025, 08:08:01 AMA couple of days before fully realizing and accepting I was trans I also had a dream. In this dream I caught my reflection in a mirror and was met with the image of a MAN. I saw this older, manly man in the mirror. Someone with male pattern baldness, a lot of beard growth and so on. That image just stuck with me and I felt horrified when I woke up. Was that the path I was on? A couple of days later I was talking to this girl and just ventilating about my life, I told her things I've told countless others about countless times before. The difference this time was that I also told her that I thought that I might have been born in the wrong body. I didn't mean to say this and it definitely wasn't a conscious decision. It just slipped out, like my subconscious decided that enough is enough! As soon as I said those word aloud everything clicked and I knew that I was trans and meant to live as a woman.
I've been sort of questioning my transness a bit lately, because of how quickly everything moved for me once I realized, and the fact that I wasn't aware that I was trans less than a year ago tends to give me some imposter syndrome. Like I'm afraid that this was all just some stupid idea I got in my head because of depression and anxiety or something. But then again I do love my name, my breast development, my new clothes, doing makeup and everything. And I don't think a cis-man would love all those changes so I'm probably trans in the end haha.
I understand the jolt of seeing that older male reflection in your dream and the relief that came when everything finally clicked for you. I lived my life as female for more than twenty years before I ever said to myself that I was a female. Only after arriving at Susan's did I realise I had always been female, so yes, I was very naïve. Your sudden realisation does not make you an impostor, just as I never saw myself as one, which is why I reject words like "stealth" or similar labels.
The doubts you mention, such as wondering if this is all some idea sparked by depression or anxiety, are normal yet your feelings are genuine, not a passing mood. Loving your name, your breast development, new clothes and makeup shows you are embracing your authentic self, something a cis man would not likely do. That is solid evidence, not a whim.
You are fortunate to discover who you are in a time when information is easier to find. I never had the guidance or information available now. In a sense I was lucky not to be overwhelmed by the information or help that is available now. I simply knew I wanted to be female or live my life as a female, so I changed my life around, took hormones, had electrolysis done and finally had surgery. I never analysed why, never questioned my decision and have never regretted a single step.
Enjoy every moment of your gender euphoria that comes from living as the woman you are. Celebrate each choice that affirms you and do the things that make you happy and leave second guessing behind.
I do not consider you "trans" to me you are a female.
Quote from: herminonie on May 24, 2025, 08:08:01 AMGod, this became so long haha.
I measured your post with a ruler then tallied the words and we are officially in novella territory.
Take care and I hope all your dreams come true.
Best Wishes AlwaysSarah BGlobal Moderator@herminonie
