Outed by Paypal . . .

[Robin C.]

So I recently order my Paypal Debit Card in the mail. I do freelancing on the internet for a "living" but I'm still a student in high school so I still live in my mom's house. My mom knows about my dysphoria but I told her I felt uncomfortable discussing my name [I intended to change my first and last name - but I did not want to tell her that until I felt ready] - I'm MTF.

Now the debit card has my real [Or I consider my real] first and last name - or as of right now, my "secret" name right on the card. My mom picked it up and was calling paypal to determine who this "Robin" is. I had to explain to her who she was. I was so nervous I could have died. She took it well and I just needed to vent out my nervousness so I came here to talk a bit about it. Have any of you guys been outed in any weird unexpected little ways? Thought I might share.

[tekla]

Other than running into people while out in full drag, no.  However, its interesting to wonder why they were at that place to begin with.

[Sandy]

Robin:

As I was transitioning I knew I would be outed in some way.  Here is a link to the time I had to out myself and while I wasn't prepared for it, I did live through the experience and became a stronger woman because of it.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,10757.0.html

-Sandy

[Moira Midnigh]

I've tried that...similar, anyway...not a real outing.

I found out my phone had Bluetooth!

And it told me to pick a name, so I thought I'd name it Moira. After Moi.

So we're sitting at a table, and people are exchanging stuff, and they ask, hey M, don't you want this too, it's nice, and I go all, yeah, sure!

So I fire up the BT, and...uhm...one of the guys say "Moira...isn't that a girl's name?"

Onoes, think fast, I go!

"Uhm, yeah...it is...but it's...like, the name of my phone...'cause it's red...and it should have a girl's name..." (very vaguely)

And they just nod, and I go blushing and then we carry on.

And I've had it on several times, and people have gone "Who's Moira?" and I just make myself invisible... ^.^

But that's the closest I've come.


~Moi

[tekla]

Given the current state of the world, its technology, and the sheer mass of information that is out there for people who know how to sort through information and find what they need --- someone, somewhere, could find out.

'Could' of course is a loaded word.  They have to have the means, ability, talent and willingness to find out.  But, that does not exclude a lot of people, for a lot of reasons. 

I know a girl who when she gets close to a nice boy, runs a credit/background check on him.  Cold Blooded?   Realistic?  Common Sense?  Take your pick.  Parts of all that, and more, is my guess.  And she is not alone, I know other girls who do this too.  If they don't, I know still others, who's sisters (blood or life) did it for them.  Girlfriend?  Who's your boyfriend?

So, the risk is always there.

On the other hand, you can only have it held against you if its a secret.

Ah, that's the rub.

[bethzerosix]

i was outed at work by my ipod. a friend of mine brought his lap top to work and asked if i wanted to load up my ipod (which i use ALL day at work) with some of his music. i was really excited to get some cool new music. so after i plug it into his computer..... up pops into itunes...beths ipod! we were both kinda looking at it and so he asks, "beths ipod huh?"... i was trying so hard to make up some excuse in my head and finally i said, "dont worry about that." in my best gangster voice. he said, "ok" and back we went to filling up my ipod.    he never brought it up again and we have talked often at work, so... 

[Hazumu]

Other than running into people while out in full drag...

You were in boy-mode?

=K

[Audrey]

Beth don't worry about the ipod outing.  Worry that he probably thinks u stole it from someone named beth.  > 

Audrey

[louise000]

Robin happens to be more popular as a boy's name in Great Britain, although sometimes girls are given that name. E.g. Robin Hood !!
It is definitely more popular for girls in North America and Australasia.

[NicholeW.]

Beth don't worry about the ipod outing.  Worry that he probably thinks u stole it from someone named beth.  > 

I agree, Beth. That would be the likliest explanation. Especially with "finally i said, "dont worry about that." in my best gangster voice. he said, "ok" and back we went to filling up my ipod." 

He'll always make sure to keep an eye on you now!!  >

Nichole

[Robin C.]

Another interesting thing happened a couple days ago. I went out to the grocery store in full male clothing to buy some toothpaste and some eyeliner. The store was walking distance from my house so O figure picking up two items was worth the short excersize. I wasn't thinking about the fact that I was a boy buying eyeliner at the transaction register. I figured I could get away with it since any logical person would think it common sense that I obviously wasn't buying it for myself - it's eyeliner.

I've bought weird things for other people before without any attention drawn to me - But when the guy checked my receipt before handing it to me [he didn't recognize the eyeliner when he rung it up], he gave it a weird look that made me uncomfortable. A look that kind of made me feel a bit exposed.

Kassandra: I enjoyed your story

[Ms Jessica]

I got outed at a store.  I was buying a cast iron pan that I had planned on putting on the debit card.  Enter the pin, no worry about ID or anything else.  I was in boy mode anyway, so it really didn't matter.  And my debit card gets declined.  The checks I had deposited hadn't cleared yet.  So I pull out the credit card with Jessica on it.  I didn't even remember that's what I had in my wallet.  I didn't even realize that I had given the sales girl a card with Jessica on it until she asked me about it.  I think I went from normal to ashen-white to beet-red in about half a second.  I just thought I was going to die right there.  So, I told the truth-- "I go by that name sometimes."  She asked if I had anything else with Jessica on it.  I said no, that other forms of ID were a bit harder to come by.   I mean, for a credit card you just have to request a second card.  You need letters and doctor's notes and all sorts of stuff for your divers license.  So anyway, the last names matched, but she says she has to check with her manager before she can run the card.  She asked the manager, the manager sort of brushed it off in a no-big-deal kind of way and that was that.  It really wasn't a big deal but I was just mortified.  Since then I've realized that I tend to over-inflate problems like that when the sales girl probably didn't care all that much anyway. 

I've tried to keep that in mind when I go out of the house now.  Stay cool.  When it comes to shopping, most people won't or don't care if the eyeliner is for you or whatever, or if you have a woman's credit card and your ID is off.  Most sales clerks don't seem to care much what's going on.  I doubt they get paid enough to.  At the most, it's not much more than a blip in an otherwise mundane shift.  They might remember for a day or two, but within a week, they'll have completely forgotten about you. 
I know there are exceptions, but you can't let the occasional rudeness determine the course of your life. 

[Robin C.]

Robin happens to be more popular as a boy's name in Great Britain, although sometimes girls are given that name. E.g. Robin Hood !!
It is definitely more popular for girls in North America and Australasia.

I better make sure I pass really well next time I'm in Europe - especially when people ask me my name ^^

[SarahFaceDoom]

I've never really been outted, but I've had situations like that before.  I just roll my eyes and let people do whatever is easiest for me to get through my day.  Like i was trying to cancel my cable, and the account was in my old name, while the billing was in my new name, even though I had told them to change the account name multiple times, anyways, they make you cancel over the phone, and my phone voice is just meh, and I try to explain the name thing and the guy didn't understand, and he kept calling me mister, so I was like, whatever.

Today at the Pharmacy I had the male pharmacist calling me "he" and the female pharmacist calling me "she".  I was like, I have a girl's name, I obviously look like a girl--obviously because the drugs I was getting, I was trans, like the guy had never seen a trans person before...and I'm sure the confusion was probably because my original prescription was in the old name, but either way, he was the one who looked silly, not me, so I was just like laughing at him and his discomfort and confusion.

People are so goofy sometimes about something that really isn't that big of a deal.

Coming out has been great, because the fear of getting outed is no gone.  No more paranoia and shame.  I'm just like so blase about it, that I don't think people could make a big deal out of it even if they wanted to really badly.

[Ms Jessica]

I'm with Sarah on this.  I should mention that in my story above, I wasn't exactly in strict boy-mode.  I was looking pretty androgynous at least, so no one really made much of a fuss.  I was primarily scared because it was the first time I ever had an issue over which name I was using.   
As Sarah has noted, people get goofy over things that aren't that big a deal.  I definitely think that applies to myself, not just to the people I deal with.  I was soooo scared when I first realized what I had done with my credit card.  But it wasn't a big deal.  They swiped the card, I signed Jessica instead of my boy name, and that was that.  No big deal. 
I'm sort of in the process of coming out, and it really does make things easier.  There's no fear about people finding something out because you're not hiding it anymore.  It's the first few steps that are the hardest.  Once you get the ball rolling it's a million times easier and you'll think "Why didn't I do this sooner?"

[Sarah]

i was outed at work by my ipod. a friend of mine brought his lap top to work and asked if i wanted to load up my ipod (which i use ALL day at work) with some of his music. i was really excited to get some cool new music. so after i plug it into his computer..... up pops into itunes...beths ipod! we were both kinda looking at it and so he asks, "beths ipod huh?"... i was trying so hard to make up some excuse in my head and finally i said, "dont worry about that." in my best gangster voice. he said, "ok" and back we went to filling up my ipod.    he never brought it up again and we have talked often at work, so... 

LMAO
That's pretty funny Beth...
*smiles, giggles*
How ya doin?
Call me, we should get together soon..
-Sara

[Rachel]

I have not been outed due to the fact that I haven't one out dressed yet, nothing to catch me really yet.  I'm kinda scared, I know no one will care, especially now that I am no longer living in the buckle of the bible belt, but still.  Despite my facade of confidence I have my insecurities that I can rarely get over.......-pout-

[Sly]

I have been outed three times by my mom at home, at age 6, 14, and 18, and I really got into trouble all three times.  Once with a friend we were chased two blocks on the way to the Rocky Horror Picture show one night.  The theater was only a few blocks from his house, so we decided to walk.  Another time, I was at a stop sign one night a few blocks from my house, when I began to pull away and a cop jumped out from behind a big temporary dumpster and said to pull over.  Another cop appeared and he told him to "take care of her".  He came over to my car and asked for my license and registration.  I said "sure".  When  I handed them to him, he looked, then bent down and looked in the window at me.  He did this three times.  Finally he said "is this you".   I said "yes".  He said "ok" and gave me a ticket for not making a left hand turn because he said that the street was closed due to a crime in progress.  I was petrified when I got pulled over, and my heart was simply pounding in my chest.  When I got home and calmed down, I realized that it was not so bad.  The only real fear after that was my parents finding out because they were well connected in town.  Thank goodness that particular cop did not know anyone, although a few friends from school were cops.  I would have just freaked out if one of them found out because then everyone I ever knew would find out.  At the time I was 29 years old.

[Mnemosyne]

I had an insane ex that tried outing me to everyone. I think I would have preferred the card situation.

[Dizzy]

I've tried that...similar, anyway...not a real outing.

I found out my phone had Bluetooth!

And it told me to pick a name, so I thought I'd name it Moira. After Moi.

lol! I was reading this thread thinking... no.. This hasn't happened yet so I should be careful. Then I remembered that in one of my business classes our group was creating a presentation on google docs which is basically a powerpoint presentation everyone can log into and edit at the same time. Anyway! My name on my gmail account is Mia Kodeberi and I had it hidden for outgoing mail but apparently google docs was showing it. One of my classmates was like "Ooh, anklebreaker84... wedge...wait. Who else is in here?? Mia?"

I as like OSHI! And they were like "are you in here? "I was like.... yeah... and then they were like well if he's A and he's B and i'm C.... are you Mia? Haha! What the hell.. stupid google. I was like.. yeah..weird.. and just shrugged it off. I do that too often I think when people notice something strange about me. Makes me mysterious :3