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Would you tell your chilren if you were TG?

Started by Wendy, May 28, 2008, 12:12:42 AM

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Would you tell your children if you were TG?

I have children -Yes
I have children - Maybe
I have children - No
I don't have children but if I did - Yes
I don't have children but if I did - Maybe
I don't have children but if I did - No

Wendy

Hi All,

Sunday August 10th I told my daughter I was TG. 

Why now?  My daughter is back at college on Friday August 15 and she is over 500 miles away.  She is also my oldest child and should be told first.

I would change my option on the poll to "Tell my children" but somehow the option is no longer available.

My wife is now in total support of me telling my children.  The dialogue with my oldest daughter went as follows:

First I went to my daughter's bedroom and she was e-mailing her friends via her laptop.  I told her I love her and I was sorry to have been a disappointment to her.  She said I was not a disappointment.  (My family will lie to me to spare my feelings.)  I then asked her if she knew what it meant to be transgendered.  She said yes.  I told her transgendered people do vary in their ability to cover their feelings and many can hide them from even their family.

My daughter asked me how I felt about being TG.  I told her I was very troubled and many times I wanted to be able to express myself to everyone.  She said she was sorry that this troubled me and if it made me happy I should express myself to the world.  (I am not sure she understood what I was implying but she was very supportive.) 

I then asked her if she knew I was TG.  She replied that when mom gave me the book, "My Husband Betty" (Helen Boyd) at Christmas she had an idea.  She also said she heard me talking to mom many times on the subject this summer.

Yes children seem to know more than parents think they know!  My son is the next oldest and I expect I will be a total disappointment to him when I share my feelings.  My son has asked my wife many times, "Why is dad not like the other dads?" 

W
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Janet_Girl

I have told my adult daughter and I am sure she has told her brothers.  At least they are all close.  She still e-mails me but only for the chain letter type.  She hasn't ever asked and hinted at wanting to know more.  And my sons have never even said anything.  Thus it goes.  My exes probable all know by now.  But again nothing to tell me so.

My only family now is here at Susan's, now.

Love,
Mistress Janet
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Buffy

I told my two sons 8 years ago.

I havent seen them or spoken to them since.

I sure miss them.

Buffy : :'(
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Wendy

Quote from: Janet Lynn on August 11, 2008, 11:01:43 AM
I have told my adult daughter and I am sure she has told her brothers.  At least they are all close.  She still e-mails me but only for the chain letter type.  She hasn't ever asked and hinted at wanting to know more.  And my sons have never even said anything. 

Janet I am sorry to read your adult daughter has no questions.  My wife asked my daughter if she had any questions regarding her discussion with her dad.  My daughter said, as told to me by my wife, "I don't want to talk about it!"

Quote from: Buffy on August 11, 2008, 12:15:25 PM
I told my two sons 8 years ago.
I havent seen them or spoken to them since.
I sure miss them.
Buffy I am sorry to read that note.

..............................................................

Today Monday August 11th I interviewed as a "male" for a teaching position.  Prior to going on the interview I had made a pre-birthday dinner for my oldest daughter that will be going back to college.

When I arrived home the girls had eaten and took a walk.

My son and I ate together and I asked him if he would like to take a walk with me.  He said, "Fine".
My discussion with him was quite different than with my daughter.  First I told him I loved him to which he had no reply.  Then I told him I was sorry I was not like other dads and he said, "O.K."

Then I asked him if was familiar with TG people.  He said, "Probably".

I asked if he had a discussion with his older sister regarding me and he said, "No."

Then I talked about TG people and told him I am probably a TG person.

I asked him if he understood and again he said, "Probably."

I asked him if he knew.  He said, "Now that you told me I know."

I told him sometimes I need to do things that appear odd to other people.  He told me, "Do what you have to."

I told him I loved him and thanks for the walk.  He had no reply.

.....................

Last week my wife told me that a trans high school girl was murdered in California.  My wife said if you do more than you are currently doing then you can leave because you might bring harm to this family.

I have one more child to tell.  I think my youngest daughter will be the most understanding since she is the most sensitive of my children.

W
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Chaunte

I told my kids at the end of June and posted their reaction in my blog.

Bottom line is that I believe that they are slowly getting their arms around this.  My son (age 12) is starting to ask questions.  When he set up his Wii so we both could play, I let him generate the figure for me.  To the very first question, gender, he said, "Since you are going to be female, we should use that one."  It went on to hair style & color, both of which he tried to match mine.  It was a little different seeing a female figure answering to the title of "Dad," but that's where we ended up.

I haven't seen or talked with my daughter much (18).  Part of this is work.  The only day off she has is Thursday and my budget does not allow for much travel - even the 50 mile drive to see the house.  Part of this, I believe, is anger and difficulty in understanding.  While kids are a crapshoot, what I have read suggests that it is better telling them when they are younger. 

I'll be able to post more later this week after I have a birthday lunch with her.  It will be interesting to see how she responds to my newly pierced ears.

Chaunte
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Janet_Girl

Wendy,
It sound to me like ether: A. Your son has been told and is still trying to come to grips with the news.  or B. He is being a typical boy. Not really wanting to talk about something difficult for him.

I am not really surprised by my daughter's nonresponse.  I think that my ex told her a long time ago.  But come September 4th, they all have a shock coming.  That will be the day I am truly Janet, legally changing my name.  ;D

Mistress Janet
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Wendy

Quote from: Chaunte on August 11, 2008, 08:58:36 PM
...what I have read suggests that it is better telling them when they are younger. 
I'll be able to post more later this week after I have a birthday lunch with her.  It will be interesting to see how she responds to my newly pierced ears.

Chaunte thanks for sharing.  I think younger children are more open to differences.  I have not had one comment or question from my older children regarding what I shared.  I have made many miscalculations the past few months in what I think I can do.  I wore a corset under two shirts to dinner one night.  I had been trying to reduce the size of my ribs but the next day my wife said the children were asking how big are dad's boobs.  My wife asked me not to wear a corset to dinner again.

Two weeks ago I decided to ask my wife and younger daughter if I can get pierced ears.  I figured they would say O.K.  My youngest daughter said, "Dad do not get your ears pierced.  My friends will regard you as Super Gay.  Wear clip-ons in the house if you want earrings."  I actually wanted a double piercing with a sapphire stud and a little platinum ring underneath on each ear.   The sapphire would match my eye color.  Of course I did not get the piercings and I am not partial to clip-ons.

Last week my wife needed her toenails painted so that I asked my daughter for some polish.  She told me she had none.  My wife asked my daughter and my daughter gave my wife some polish and told her mom thought dad was going to use it.  I did my wife's toenails including the clear coat.  My wife was very pleased and she told some of her girl friends her husband did her nails.

I've cut-off my ponytail because of all the family criticism.  I guess I look better without it because I have a significant recede but I felt bad.

My days tend to go this way.   

Quote from: Janet Lynn on August 12, 2008, 12:47:53 AM
It sound to me like ether: A. Your son has been told and is still trying to come to grips with the news.  or B. He is being a typical boy. Not really wanting to talk about something difficult for him.

I am not really surprised by my daughter's nonresponse.  I think that my ex told her a long time ago.  But come September 4th, they all have a shock coming.  That will be the day I am truly Janet, legally changing my name. 

Janet I am sure you will be happy to have legally changed your name.

My son is a typical boy and does not want to talk about this stuff.  I find it difficult to believe he did not have an inkling.

I guess the rule is daddy should stay in the closet or bedroom in this case. 

Hey I did buy a whole bunch of perfumes.  I told my wife she is welcome to use them.  Every night I test a new perfume before I go to bed.  I told my wife it is aromatherapy.   She tells me to use less than half a bottle because she is unable to breathe when I come to bed.

My nights tend to go this way.

W
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tekla

A lady (or gentleman for that matter) should arrive with their perfume (or aftershave) not after it.
FIGHT APATHY!, or don't...
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Wendy

Quote from: tekla on August 12, 2008, 03:17:14 PM
A lady (or gentleman for that matter) should arrive with their perfume (or aftershave) not after it.
But the perfume wears off by morning and it is just right for the day!

.....................
Tuesday evening August 12th was a rare rainy night in Atlanta.  I kept trying to find a way to get a little private time with my daughter but it did not happen.

At 9 PM my youngest daughter said, "Dad do you want to take a walk with our umbrellas?"  I of course said sure.

On the walk I told my youngest daughter (16) that I had chatted with her siblings.  I asked her if they shared anything and she said no.

I used the same formula.  I told her I loved her and asked if she knew about transgendered people and she said yes.

I told her I was TG and asked her if she knew.  She then said dad you have been acting strange for about two years.  I then told her that her brother acted as if it were news.  She said we all kind of knew.

She asked if I always wanted to be a girl and I told her yes but it got worse by the time I was a teenager.  She then asked me if I ever tried on my sister's clothes.  I said yes but I got too tall early and would not fit in them.  (I don't think I ever talked about that to anyone.)

She then asked why I was so muscular if I was a girl.  I told her when I entered college I had a number of gay friends and I thought I must be a male.  My gay friends liked to show me how to build muscle and I started lifting weights with them.

She then said you seem to like girls.  I told her gender is independent of sexual preference.  In fact I learned on the internet that some MTF do like girls which surprised me too. 

I then told her that I really only like to talk to girls but her mom was different.  I thought she was very beautiful.  She then asked if I would have wanted a body like her mom's.  I said yes.

She then said, "You don't want all those operations do you?"  The cat had my tongue and I said nothing.  (If I could keep my family, be gainfully employed, and be accepted by society then yes would be my answer.)

She then said, "God gave you an understanding wife and children that love you because you had an internal struggle.  You are healthy and have had a good life.  Are you glad you have your family?"  I told her very much so and I am very lucky.

She then said, "You should not be ashamed and you can not help yourself.  This is how you feel and since no one can see it then people will not understand it."

I said your mom says I have to leave if I wear a dress outside of this house.  (The dress is a figurative term.) My daughter said you will bring danger to this household if you wear a dress outside.  Many people are mean and would hurt you and your family.

She then said I do not think you would be happy as a girl.  You will not have your wife or children, we will rarely see you, you will lose your long time friends, you will not find jobs that will support you and you will be very lonely."

We walked around and around the block with our umbrellas in the rain.  My daughter seemed to control the conversation.  She was not shy with her questions or with her thoughts.

She then started asking me questions about the TG person I joined a couple weeks ago for lunch.  (I had told my daughter I had lunch with a friend that I met on the internet.  She correctly concluded this was a TG'ed person.)

We even talked about her TG'ed girlfriend and my daughter told me I should give her friend some hormones.  I told my daughter that I can not do that because my daughter's friend would tell all her friends that I am TG.

I do not think my daughter knows I take hormones.  She knows I take some things.

She then said, "Dad you are a nice looking guy but you just look very male.  You chose to get married and have children and your life is nice.  We love you and would prefer if you stay with us."

We had an excellent discussion.  My 16 year old daughter has always been my most sensitive child.

........................

I have now told my three children and I think they understand. 


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llhaesa

Quote from: Alex on May 29, 2008, 08:36:51 AM

Sorry I'm not trying to be inflammatory here but that's a little misleading if not entirely incorrect.

Deuteronomy 22:5
"A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this."

Again, sorry!

Since I'm a woman, no worries, eh? ;-) *phew* Dodged one there...

else I'd be damn worried about wayward lightning bolts and sleeping in warm places.

Posted on: August 13, 2008, 05:40:17 PM
Sorry, got distracted by that whole smiting for clothing stuff...

two daughters, came out to them 5 years ago.
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