Online personas? How can you tell if an online friend is for real?

[Nero]

I keep hearing not to trust anyone online, how can I call these people my friends if we've never actually met. How do you know they are who they say they are, etc. And I agree with that for the most part.

But maybe it's just me and I'm naive but I don't get how or why someone could create a whole separate persona online. I mean how would they keep up the act?
Sure, I guess in a way I do this when peeps online only know me as and assume me to be a 'normal' guy.
But I'm still not getting how someone could be one person online and another off of it. I mean, I'm just as much an ass online as in real life.

Thoughts?

[Sephirah]

I mean how would they keep up the act?

In my experience, they don't. Not all the time, anyway. Even someone who's pretendng to be someone else... it's pretty easy to see through that, to see the real person behind it.

Or maybe that's just me. I tend to go on the feeling I get from a person, from watching the way they say things rather than just what they actually say... watching to see if they say one thing one time, but seem to have a personality change and say a different thing in the same situation at a different time. I go by intuition and 'gut instinct', too, and I don't know how or why this seems to work for me, but I do know that I'm rarely wrong. And all the friends I've made online have been good friends, people I trust, and people who, as yet, haven't betrayed that trust.

Trust has to be earned, it's not something to be given away. It's your choice, and people can portray just as much of an 'image' offline as online. But essentially people are people, with the same traits, no matter the medium used to express them.

[annajasmine]

I mean, I'm just as much an ass online as in real life.

I'm basically the same person as I am online. Except in person I'm much more shy and not as confident. One of my cousin I use to watch him chat online he was total different person. I asked him why and he said nobody would talk to him otherwise. I think maybe it insecurities that make people have a different persona online.


Anna

 

[Annwyn]

I love you Nero:D

But, I believe there are certain emotions that should be withheld from internet relationships.

Even so, there are ways of alleviating certain aspects.  While one can still hide a personality, webcams can confirm appearance.  When one can hide other relationships, how open they are can reveal the gravity of what they might be hiding.  Just like in real life, it's all about how much a person is willing to give to EARN trust.

I loved how off of Fight Club, the main character could live a dozen lives all at once.  I mean, one day he had breast cancer, then genital cancer, then terminal cancer, then MS, then this, then that, and all he had to do was show up to a support group for people to believe him.  Because they needed him as much as they perceived he needed them, there wasn't any question.
It's the same thing with online friends.  You wouldn't have them if you didn't need them.  All they have to do is show up.

If you need a friend, you need a friend.  Be careful just how quickly you slap, "friend" onto people you meet online though.  I won't call anyone a friend until I can speak with them over the phone at least once a week and know exactly what they look like, as well as all the other traits that make up a good friendship.

[almost,angie]

 I`m not as shy online as I am at a gathering of people. I think online friends are fine though. But, I hold them as more a good aquantance till later. The sad thing is anyone who Ive talk to online (till now) has drifted away. I write but get no response back. I think it is too easy to just drift away online to give anyone that kind of trust you would give a friend.  Angie,

[Jay]

Im pretty much the same person just a little less cocky, and more blunt. But I do tell everyone I am a normal guy, unless I am really intrested in the person. (Relationship wise that is)

I have met people offline in real life and I would say just take them as you take everyone else. With a pinch of salt.

[lady amarant]

I agree with Leiandra about not being able to keep up the act. The people I consider online friends I've known a long time, speak to often, (I have two friends I chat to literally on a daily basis) and know. And yeah, you do get a feel for people after a while. So yeah, I'm cautious and slow about moving people from "buddies" to "friends", but feeling is generally what I go by too.

~Simone.

[Shana A]

I go with my intuition. I can usually tell if people are for real. And I'm always the same person, here on the net, and in my daily life.

Z

[lisagurl]

Just as people play a role before they transitioned and as they do in second life and other on line worlds most people are actors and can sustain the roles. I do not trust most things on line as there is not enough focus and long time continuous observation to see the slip ups.

There are some people that spend more time on line socializing than they do in real life because they can not handle the continuous observation of real life as they fear who they really are.

[Sarah Louise]

Time and consistency are the best ways to judge the honesty of an online friend.  Unfortunately there are those out there who want to "pretend" and lead others on.  I hate that.

I tend to be somewhat sceptical of new people I chat with, it takes time for me to learn to trust them.  I wish it wasn't that way.

Sarah L.

[myles]

I am actually a bit more reserved online, but this is the only place I am really online. It may be because of the nature of the site. I do tend to get more personal thru PM. I agree there is no way I could be a whole different person online than I am in person, that would take far too much energy  "keeping up the act", and I would probably get confused, and I just don't have it these days.
Myles

[lady amarant]

Tasha ... Nutcase. 

~Simone.

[Janet_Girl]

Nero,
The thing is you don't know.  You have to take then on face value, till they prove otherwise.  Some peeps love to be some else on line.

I am the same in lfe as in a chat room.  I am shy and kinda stand offish.  I guess that is from years of hiding the real me.  And I am trying to come out of my shell.

Brad Paisley has a song about being some else on line.

[sd]

Time and consistency are the best ways to judge the honesty of an online friend.

Nero,
The thing is you don't know.  You have to take then on face value, till they prove otherwise.  Some peeps love to be some else on line.

Exactly, just like a life in real life, if you talk enough, eventually people will expose themselves little by little. In the need though, if you never plan to meet or anything, what does it matter?  Lie or not, they would still serve the same function.

[androgynetg]

I keep hearing not to trust anyone online, how can I call these people my friends if we've never actually met. How do you know they are who they say they are, etc. And I agree with that for the most part.

I have opened up to a few people online, to my regret later on. I am the same me as in 'real' life, except I tend to hide the real me from other people, it saves on rejection. I have found the online thingy has allowed me to explore parts of myself that I wouldn't otherwise have done, at least without some very expensive therapy ..

But maybe it's just me and I'm naive but I don't get how or why someone could create a whole separate persona online. I mean how would they keep up the act?

That's just it, it is an act and after a while the real persona shows through. There are people who can carry off the act in real life but they tend to be a little psychopathic or like Peter Sellers, who once said:

"There is no me. I do not exist. There used to be a me, but I had it surgically removed"

[Janet_Girl]

Nero honey,

May be this will explain it better.



Love,
Janet

[Fox]

For the most part im the same online as IRL just a little less shy online. So far the people I have met online and gotten to know IRL have become good friends and I tend to just trust my intuition. Ill admit I am rather quick to throw caution to the wind sometimes when it comes to meeting people, but in regards to the internet I view it like I would terrism. I refuse to be afraid, I refuse to be paranoid it's not who I am and just dosen't feel right. Yes this philosphy has gotten me proverbably stabbed in the back on a few different occasions but then that was people I knew IRL for a rather long period of time unfortuantly im not always the best judge of character. I did meet a great friend on here Sarah and after we chatted for a lengthy period of time every day for a week and then we met in person and she was exactly like she was online and a wonderful person.

[Lisbeth]

I mean how would they keep up the act?

We all keep up an act, online or in real life. In fact I don't exist at all. Just ask ell. Oh, wait! She doesn't exist either.

[je]

In fact I don't exist at all.

Me neither.

I mean, I'm just as much an ass online as in real life.

To be honest, you don't really come off as an ass to me.

[Annwyn]

the internet itself is actually a hoax perpetrated by one student at the university of north dakota's college of sheep-shearing and barbering.

and actually, nero, everyone you meet online is all the same person.

who is getting tired of staying up all night posting.  i banned myself the other day, and had a heck of a time figuring out who i was.

I thought I was you for 3 days one time.  I couldn't trust myself after I chatted with myself online and had one hell of an identity crisis.  Then I spent the next 2 days trying adamantly to find the Tasha inside of me.  On the third day my mind broke down, apparently it's hard being Tasha. I got an oil change and a jump start and here I am today!

O_O

I should tell you about the day when I had VNS, Vindictive Nero Syndrome.

Posted on: November 19, 2008, 04:44:48 pm

I mean, I'm just as much an ass online as in real life.

To be honest, you don't really come off as an ass to me.

Um.  Nero is quite the ass darling, he really is.  I think I've known Nero for what, 3-4 years now?  He breaks my heart every single day.