Do I need to go en femme to the first therapy session?

[Janet_Girl]

That avatar is much better, there sister.  Very Professional.

Janet

[Nero]

I don't know. I know if I hadn't been 'en homme' my first session, I wouldn'tve been taken seriously at all. As it was, she found fault with my haircut, saying it wasn't masculine enough and my binding method because it didn't hide my tits enough. And this is a long time and well respected gender therapist.

[tekla]

I might well imagine, and that's all I can do, that at some point the therapist is testing how strong, committed or tough you are to go through with it.

[NicholeW.]

I might well imagine, and that's all I can do, that at some point the therapist is testing how strong, committed or tough you are to go through with it.

Or at any point the gender therapist is expressing her own style-consultant opinion. I can imagine less-than great results of therapy interactions if that's one of the first things the therapist sets out to do and evaluate.

Nichole

[Kate]

I don't know. I know if I hadn't been 'en homme' my first session, I wouldn'tve been taken seriously at all. As it was, she found fault with my haircut, saying it wasn't masculine enough and my binding method because it didn't hide my tits enough. And this is a long time and well respected gender therapist.

Yep.

I was never criticized outright for not showing up "enfemme" (god I hate that word), but there were hints about my "not owning it." And it took 11 months for a (still reluctant and half-hearted) HRT letter, while others who showed up "dressed" got theirs in a month or two.

~Kate~

[NicholeW.]

I don't know. I know if I hadn't been 'en homme' my first session, I wouldn'tve been taken seriously at all. As it was, she found fault with my haircut, saying it wasn't masculine enough and my binding method because it didn't hide my tits enough. And this is a long time and well respected gender therapist.

Yep.

I was never criticized outright for not showing up "enfemme" (god I hate that word), but there were hints about my "not owning it." And it took 11 months for a (still reluctant and half-hearted) HRT letter, while others who showed up "dressed" got theirs in a month or two.

~Kate~

OK, you got the letter after 11 months total. How many sessions? How many sessions were those who got their's in a "month or two" doing?

What was your stance in your sessions, were you forthcoming or "holding" things? There's a lot of evaluation that can go on when you're doing regular sessions with folks that cannot be done when someone's come for four or five visits, gone and hormones and then never discussed anything of any depth with the therapist.

On the other hand was there any real expectation for you to "own it" on your first visit? Or, were you insistent on not dressing at all until you "looked" perfect?

TBH, if I had a client seeing me who "wanted to look perfect" I'd have to evaluate that as a problem area. I mean, who the heck does? Actually, look perfect that is?Just a for instance and it may not have been part of your situation at all.

Nichole

[Kate]

OK, you got the letter after 11 months total. How many sessions? How many sessions were those who got their's in a "month or two" doing?

Oh trust me, I "deserved" that letter long before I got it... such as it was. The bitter irony was by the time I DID get it, I was already self-medicating (DON'T TRY IT YOU COULD DIE!), and the fantastic doc I later found on my own to manage my care didn't even want a letter. Yay.

TBH, if I had a client seeing me who "wanted to look perfect" I'd have to evaluate that as a problem area. I mean, who the heck does? Actually, look perfect that is?

It wasn't that. I've just never been into the whole "enfemme" thing. The clothes I wear are an incidental, practical matter and never made me more "me." My entire compulsion or need is to BE female, not just look or or "present" as one. So hanging female clothes on an obviously male body was pointless for me.

~Kate~

[NicholeW.]

It wasn't that. I've just never been into the whole "enfemme" thing. The clothes I wear are an incidental, practical matter and never made me more "me." My entire compulsion or need is to BE female, not just look or or "present" as one. So hanging female clothes on an obviously male body was pointless for me.

OK, that sounds healthy. Umm, did you put it that way to the therapist? BTW, did you have two different therapists? For some reason I was thinking you'd only the one.

Oh trust me, I "deserved" that letter long before I got it... such as it was.

And that one's a puzzler, hon. You "deserved" it? How's that?

Not trying to be obtuse or anything, I just really don't understand the context of that and it makes no sense to me.

Nichole

[Kate]

BTW, did you have two different therapists? For some reason I was thinking you'd only the one.

I saw a psych for one session, then moved on to a therapist for like two years+, and then had one visit to a (different) psych for the second SRS letter.

Oh trust me, I "deserved" that letter long before I got it... such as it was.

And that one's a puzzler, hon. You "deserved" it? How's that?

I figure if you meet the criteria, you show stability and realistic expectations, you get a letter. IMHO, anyway. But we know how the whole GateKeeper dynamic can corrupt both therapist AND client.

~Kate~

[NicholeW.]

BTW, did you have two different therapists? For some reason I was thinking you'd only the one.

I saw a psych for one session, then moved on to a therapist for like two years+, and then had one visit to a (different) psych for the second SRS letter.

Oh trust me, I "deserved" that letter long before I got it... such as it was.

And that one's a puzzler, hon. You "deserved" it? How's that?

I figure if you meet the criteria, you show stability and realistic expectations, you get a letter. IMHO, anyway. But we know how the whole GateKeeper dynamic can corrupt both therapist AND client.

~Kate~

Yep, I suppose it surely can. Although I am not so sure that "we know" that at all. For "we" continue to anricipate that we will just get this after that and "we" don't ask questions and get answers, do "we?"

So did you know your therapist's criteria? Did you ask for that and then if so did she provide it to you after you requested it?

I also know that assumptions I make going in and then an unwillingness to address "exactly what do you want" with a therapist I'm seeing is not a good practice. Knowledgable and pro-active clients make the best therapists even better.

What I often "see" is people not taking responsibility for their own expectations and attitudes and then indicting the provider.

I mean heck, your therapist may only be a money-grubbing quck? I haven't a clue who she was, don't wann know. But, ya know, I'd have asked her early on what her prognosis for having me under the knife was. That way I kinda know where she stands and can make adjustments myself.


Don't any of you get me wrong. I know there are incompetent practitioners in any field, programming and administration to law to medicine to fast food whatever. But I also know that there are incomoetent patients and clients who simply wanna drift into whatever "I think should happen" while remaining passive themselves.

No therapy is good that isn't interactive and mutual. Period.

Nichole
Nichole

[goingdown]

Generally dressing feminine is plus in case the therapist wants only to be sure that you do not possible regret and you are serious in your transition. 

In case he/she is anti-trans dressing can lead to harashment.

(I have experience from both types)

[goingdown]

My first ''gender therapist'' was a conservative young shrink that mocked me and my clothes. (I dressed as female).

Now I put make up, pseudo-jewellery and my current gender therapist sees that I have '' a clear subjective female identification''. 

(I use same kind of clothes usually everywhere. I use pearls (pseudo) nearly always. )

[paulault55]

like others have said no you do not have to go en femme to your first visit, i started dressing a little more at each session though then at at session four i told my therapist i would have come as Paula but i didn't want to give him a heart attack, he just said he might be suprised that's all, so my fifth appointment i went as Paula,  the secretary was a little confused for a moment but recoverd quickly and nobody in the waiting room paid any attention.


Paula.

[lizbeth]

I have to make up my mind by saturday. I was thinking of wearing girl jeans and sandals with a modest andogynous top and really light makeup but now I'm not so sure. I think it might be better if I am not preoccupied by anything and just go completely relaxed and open, meaning sweats and a t-shirt. LOL

[lizbeth]

I was fine all week, but now I am so nervous!!!
12:30 tomorrow. new year, new adventures I guess

I decided not to go dressed... well, I mean I'll be dressed just not femme.

wish me luck!

[Vexing]

I decided not to go dressed... well, I mean I'll be dressed just not femme.

wish me luck!

LULZ!
Good luck 

[Lunae]

In an ideal world where all are good therapists, it would be best to present how you feel at present. If there is not a good experience, or mocking in any sense, run! But I truly do know that all is not as it should be. And sometimes, we have to grease the skids. That is NOT how things ought to be, but we are agents of our own change. Perhaps, the best is start out with how you feel you want to, and alter things going along if needed, though there is danger any road you take.
Your life, your journey, remember. The therapist is your tool to help. If it isn't the right tool, change it.
Namaste, Lunae

[Alyssa M.]

If there is not a good experience, or mocking in any sense, run!

+1

I totally agree -- if you have any options whatsoever in choosing a therapist, don't settle. My therapist is so incredibly encouraging and non-judgmental that it's infuriating at time -- sometimes I just want to wring her neck and make her tell me what I need to do! I'm just not used to people who know me but aren't emotionally invested in my decisions -- that's the great thing about therapy (when it's good.)

Best wishes!

~Alyssa

[Chrissty]

I was fine all week, but now I am so nervous!!!
12:30 tomorrow. new year, new adventures I guess

I decided not to go dressed... well, I mean I'll be dressed just not femme.

wish me luck!

Hi elizabeth, I've just got in from work, so I hope I'm not too late to wish you luck !



Chrissty

[lizbeth]

thanks for the advice/well wishes (again) everyone, I feel pretty good about today now.

Hi elizabeth, I've just got in from work, so I hope I'm not too late to wish you luck !

phew, you were just in time. I waited just for you

like I was saying, I feel much better today, last night I just couldn't sleep and was so preoccupied playing all these scenarios in my head. today I feel more collected with my thoughts and I am really reaady to make the best of this.


~beth