Baby Steps Nothin'!

[BunnyBee]

Tonight I finally got a hold of the Psychologist I've been playing phone tag with forever and I just set up my very first appointment with a bonified gender counselor ...for tomorrow.  Woot!!

I don't feel nearly as terrified about it as I expected.  I think I am just READY by now.  Get me the eff out of this wretched social role already !!

I just don't know how patient I can be with this process now.  All the way back to preteen years when my dad tried to send me off to a shrink to "fix me ," I knew if I ever saw a counselor about this issue, there would be no turning back.  I have labored over taking this step for so many countless hours and watched so many years pass me by I just can't take the idea of goofing around hopping through silly hoops now that I've figured out what I need to do.  OMG, just give me my pills right now!

..Please?

...pretty please??

/twirlhair 

[paulault55]

Congrats Jen on taking the first steps, i know how you feel about give me the pills now, but you will find that if they follow the Standards of Care (SOC),most do, that before they will give you a letter to start hrt you will probably see them for at least 3 months, i know this sounds like a long time but for me it is flying by.

Paula.

[BunnyBee]

Ya, kind of annoying, though I do understand why the standards are in place.  Well, moreso for the RLT than the hormones.  If you take hormones long enough for them to have a permanent effect then just by virtue of their gradual nature you didn't get there by some rash decision.  Really, what is three months going to do for me?  It not like I'm not sure about it or anything.

I am not a patient person, but I'll just take a deep breath and learn to deal I suppose.   

[NicholeW.]

Careful on your thoughts about "gradual nature." Depending on prolly genetics and pre-disposition "gradual" could be six months or even less, even if you're over forty. Just depends on the person.

As for hoops, well the doctors are gonna want them given the nature of malpractice and the bad publicity that occasionally strikes when there are "regretters." But 3 months isn't all that long, especially when you look back and see how long it's been you've waited already.

I do understand your feelings pretty well though. They were my own. Once I committed to therapy I was already there, Jen. It is hard to wait when that's the case. But, if you're already used to waiting I believe that sometimes that makes it easier for the transitioner.

But the changes if they come quick could take you by surprise. About three or so months into mine I was at a organization-wide meeting and they were apparently all wondering who the new woman was. It was kinda weird to get that from people I had seen every six months or so for a number of years.

It may not happen for you that way, it doesn't for everyone, but you might make a note in your long-term schedule and your time-line as you've envisioned it just in case.

Nichole

[vanna]

Transition will teach you a heck of alot about patience hunny, glad to hear somethings moving forward for you

[BunnyBee]

Careful on your thoughts about "gradual nature." Depending on prolly genetics and pre-disposition "gradual" could be six months or even less, even if you're over forty.

What I meant was you don't take a pill and wake up the next morning going, "OMG, what was I thinking, and what am I going to do with these DD's?" =P

Anyway, the session went pretty well.  Next time I'm going to bring an outline or something to keep myself on task.  I have pretty severe ADD and she is the let-you-talk-and-nod type which resulted in me unloading 75 different subjects all out of order, and I'm not sure if I finished one single train of thought.  I am sure I gave her a headache.

I did bring up the hormones thing.  You can't blame me for trying can ya ?  I think she needs to feel more comfortable about where I'm coming from than an hour will allow before they can be a consideration.  I'm alright with it and I totally understand.  I dunno about the 3 months thing, though.  It's my own darned body and I am well aware of what they will do to it and what the risks are.  I'm def gonna need to learn patience.  ...grumble.

[Jessie_Heart]

Careful on your thoughts about "gradual nature." Depending on prolly genetics and pre-disposition "gradual" could be six months or even less, even if you're over forty.

What I meant was you don't take a pill and wake up the next morning going, "OMG, what was I thinking, and what am I going to do with these DD's?" =P

Anyway, the session went pretty well.  Next time I'm going to bring an outline or something to keep myself on task.  I have pretty severe ADD and she is the let-you-talk-and-nod type which resulted in me unloading 75 different subjects all out of order, and I'm not sure if I finished one single train of thought.  I am sure I gave her a headache.

I did bring up the hormones thing.  You can't blame me for trying can ya ?  I think she needs to feel more comfortable about where I'm coming from than an hour will allow before they can be a consideration.  I'm alright with it and I totally understand.  I dunno about the 3 months thing, though.  It's my own darned body and I am well aware of what they will do to it and what the risks are.  I'm def gonna need to learn patience.  ...grumble.

don't worry you are not alone in needing to learn patience I need to too but learning patience just takes way too long!!!

[Cindy]

Remember as a child waiting for Christmas day?
It's the same: " only one more sleep" every day.

But it's happening

LoL
Cindy James

[katherine]

Hi Jen, I don't know how I missed this post.  Congratulations on the sessions!  It's great to finally get started.  I guess the patience thingy might need a little work, huh?  I hope you enjoy the sessions.  When I was in therapy I really looked forward to the next session, I had such a wonderful therapist.  Please let us know how it goes for you!

[BunnyBee]

Awe thank you .  I will def keep you all posted  .  I like her and from what I was able to sense from our first meeting, I really do feel she will look out for my best interests.  I see her again in a couple days and hopefully I'll make some progress in getting her on the same page as me .

..Patience schmatience, words I live by.

[sneakersjay]

Congrats!

And it's still possible to follow the standards of care and jump right into transition...I'm proof of that.  So enjoy the process, but there is no harm in speeding through limbo land.


Jay

[BunnyBee]

Don't get me wrong, I am actually in favor of most aspects of the SoC.  I just don't really agree with the mandatory 3 month hormone purgatory thing.

3 months from now, I'll be wondering what I thought was such a big deal.  Right now, all I can think about is how these hormones I want OUT of my system are disfiguring me everyday they remain in place.

Yes, I'm a huge drama queen.

[lizbeth]

congrats on a big step, Jen!

I didn't have to wait 3 months either, I had referrals and letters promised after my first session. now I just need a GP to prescribe, lol.

What I meant was you don't take a pill and wake up the next morning going, "OMG, what was I thinking, and what am I going to do with these DD's?" =P

I know this might violate susan's TOS, but where can I get this pill and what's the dosage for DDs?

[Cindy]

Doubled

[sylvie]

Hi Jen,

First off congratualtions.

If it helps any, I have been seeing my therapist for over six months now.  Two weeks ago she agreed (and prodded) me to take the next step.  Tomorrow I am going to meet with her and receive my referral letter.  YAY!!  On top of that, I met with a TG agency this past Monday that manages a HRT clinic.  My first physical is next friday with hormones (hopefully) shortly thereafter. 

I understand how you feel with the patience factor.  I'm 37 and only just starting my journey now.  However, give it time and everything will fall into place for you.  Your therapist just needs to make sure that you are ready even though you're sure that you are.

Someone had posted a while back about enjoying the whole experience, and not just the end goal.  Sometimes it is the baby steps that will be the most memorable.

I hope you have a wonderful trip with your self discovery.  Good luck.     

[Lacey Lynne]

Jen!

I love your determination.  Understand your impatience.  I'm 53 and only just now taking Step 1 ... and I've been TG since childhood. Talk about waiting!

Anyway, congrats on your progress.  Kindly let this old-timer give you this one word of advice:   "Enjoy the ride, Hun!  You'll only do it once!  Why not love it?"

Hugs!

[BunnyBee]

Jen!

I love your determination.  Understand your impatience.  I'm 53 and only just now taking Step 1 ... and I've been TG since childhood. Talk about waiting!

Anyway, congrats on your progress.  Kindly let this old-timer give you this one word of advice:   "Enjoy the ride, Hun!  You'll only do it once!  Why not love it?"

Hugs!

I appreciate the sentiment of what many of you all are saying, and I'm really grateful for your help.  I have to say it's hard for me to imagine there being much fun in crossing the awkward traverse laid in front of me, so I kind of dread "the ride" and I can't wait for it to be over. 

It would be nice if I could take some tranquilizers or something and just wake up when it's finished, but this is as much a mental journey as it is a physical one, so ya just can't sleepwalk through it .  And yeah, while my mind is inherently quite female in nature (and I do have a fair bit to work with there) there is still a lot to learn and overcome.

I know my biggest hurdle is going to be finding the strength to deal with the people who, when confronted with somebody having the audacity to deviate from the social norm, feel compelled -for whatever sick reason- to quash their spirit.  I have always been so easily crushed emotionally, and I'm really afraid of facing this.  Somehow though, I will have to find within myself the tenacity to push through it, I really just don't have a choice.  This part of it will definitely be very difficult for me, but I actually feel confident I will prevail.  After it's over I think I will be rather proud of myself .

Anyway, I am excited for you, Lacey, and I'm sure you will be fabulously successful in dealing with what's coming for you.  It's really awesome you can have the attitude of just trying to enjoy the ride.  I really need to try to gain your perspective, it will help lots .

[BunnyBee]

It sounds as though I may be getting my letter for hormones next time I see my therapist.  I really can't figure out what I may have said or done to change her mind, since I haven't even broached the subject since my first session.

At the end of our last visit she started talking about writing a letter for me so I could get started on them and even recommended a Dr. in the area for me to see.  Obviously I'm a happy camper.  I am on a once per two weeks schedule now, so in a couple weeks I'll find out for sure.

Also, I set up my first electrolysis appt. for next week.  Very nervous about that one...

Still working on getting my head around trying to just enjoy the journey.  Something tells me there is something to that idea.

[Northern Jane]

And it's still possible to follow the standards of care and jump right into transition...I'm proof of that.

Yes, and some just did everything in the wrong order, skipped steps, and still came out on top!

Just follow the yellow brick road Hon

[Soapyshoe]

I hated the standards of care when I first learned about them.  Why wait 3 months for hormones?   Why not 2?  Why not 4?  Without some of research to back it up, I cannot support that literal number.

However, I've come to accept the realities of transition over the past 2 months.  And I've learned just how...emotionally messed up I am.  I couldn't even see it before spending some time in therapy and talking to people on these boards.

I actually used the phrase "baby steps" with my therapist last week.  We both agree that transitioning is a MAJOR life decision that takes time to work through.

There's NEVER a rush, once you've begun to admit there's a problem.  Rushing through things can lead to depression.  Whenever your expectations are unrealistic and they aren't fulfilled, your emotions can really mess you up, because they'll be telling you, "You're not femenizing enough, you're not good enough to pass, nobody will accept you, etc."

I wouldn't advocate going too slow either.

Make realistic goals, keep to them, profit.