Hello,
It has been awhile since I have posted on Susan's and since then I have changed my name from Molly to Maya. Over the last year my life has gone through a lot of changes.
A short story: Last September I went to a transgender store for the first time and I was scared to death. I walked pass the store several times but couldn't get the courage to go in so I finally had lunch next door to just see who went in and out of the store and to muster the inner strength to actually go in.
When I finally walked in the store I was met by the owner who sized me up and assumed I didn't belong based on how I looked and gently asked if I realized who the stores customers were. I said yes in a rather meek voice, being self-conscious and unsure of myself. She then said welcome and asked my femme name. I hadn't thought about a name and just blurted out Molly without thinking. I still don't know where that came from. So I became Molly but it never felt right.
Since that day I have come out to my wife, been in therapy for about eight months, have begun facial laser treatments, and periodically going to support group meetings. This is a long route to say that I have finally been thinking about who I am and who I see myself becoming. Increasingly when I look in the mirror I don't see a Molly, so the quest to find a name that feels right and one I can live with as I continue my transition. After much soul seaching and playing with names in my mind I have decided I am Maya. It feels right and I am comfortable with it.
Thank you for being here and for giving me a place where there are kindred spirits. I have been busy at work and spending time maintaining my relationship with my wife, so I have not have a lot of time to post or visit Susan's. But I think of all of you often and make a quick pass of recent post when I can. I am always here in spirit.
Maya
