Hmm... you seem to be off to a good start. The funny thing is, it brings to mind a short story I just wrote for my creative writing class. Should I share that here? Would that be appropriate? Dunno! Most likely, it'd just be too long to post.
Once I get myself sorted out here, and know if I can post a 4,000 word short story, maybe I will, or I could let people PM me to request a copy.
But for now, I think I would like to see more of this story. It's hard to guess what is going on or where it's going, but it definitely caught my interest! I hope you keep at it! It's nice to find other aspiring writers here!
And before I go, a question: I've often heard the saying, write what you know, but I've wondered, do you think mainstream audiences would respond well to books featuring a transgendered main character? I have asked friends and acquaintances, and most say it depends on how the gender struggle fits into the story. I find that a decent answer, but the reason I ask is because I sort of can't help but write from my own experiences... they find their own way into my writing!