New Corrupt-A-Wish

[Unconditional Acceptance]

Granted, a gallon of fresh propane falls from the sky, soaking your steak. Yum!

I wish the world was a better place. 

[Constance]

I wish the world was a better place. 

Granted, but you get deported to Mars.

I wish I had better hair.

[Mr. Fox]

Granted, but it's on your legs.

I wish that binder websites weren't blocked on our computer so I could friggin' order one (argh!)

[fae_reborn]

Granted, they're not blocked but you still can't find a decent one that you like.

I wish that I could afford a new pickup (I have been without a car for a year  )

[Unconditional Acceptance]

Granted; it's three inches long and says Hotwheel on the bottom. 

I wish discrimination was nonexistent.

[FairyGirl]

Granted. You suddenly find yourself on the moon, where everything but dirt, a few rocks, and a couple old used spaceships are non-existent.

I wish this would get easier. 

[Unconditional Acceptance]

Granted: it gets so easy a caveman could do it, and does, before you get the chance.

I wish I was better at bowling.

[Michelle.]

Granted, you get so good at bowling that it becomes boring to you.

I wish I had thought ahead in re: to tonights dinner plans.

[fae_reborn]

Granted; it's three inches long and says Hotwheel on the bottom. 

I can't get to work on that! 

[kisschittybangbang]

Granted, but the reply doesn't get there on time.

I wish that I had a third option that didn't hurt anyone.

[FairyGirl]

Granted- there are no more holidays. Ever. Now everyone has to work every single day of the year.

Geez I wish we still had holidays. 

[Unconditional Acceptance]

Granted but they offend the "Goddess Virginia" so much that terrible events occur to us all on said holidays. Use your imagination. 

I wish my knee would heal faster. 

[Constance]

I wish my knee would heal faster. 

Granted, but your nose is now bigger than mine. ("You know of what I speak" ... "sweet child of mine.")

I wish I would remember to do the things I forget.

[Unconditional Acceptance]

Granted, but you end up doing them wrong. 

I wish I had a job.

[kisschittybangbang]

granted but its over 50 hours a week and your pay is $0.10/hour

I wish that things worked out like I wanted them to

[Unconditional Acceptance]

Granted. They instead launch attacks on everyone else and ostentatiously lavish praise on you, causing intense feelings of fright.

I wish I had more time for...stuff. 

[kisschittybangbang]

Granted but the stuff just isn't there to be done.

I wish that the person I want was closer to me than they are

[Walter]

Granted but they won't stop visiting you and they get annoying

I wish I had nice abs (lmao)

[Unconditional Acceptance]

Granted: You're so shocked from the sudden, unexpected appearance of fab abs that you suddenly start hyperventilating and pass out.

I wish I didn't have to worry about finances for college.

[FairyGirl]

Granted. All the colleges go completely bankrupt and close their doors for good.

I wish all my wishes didn't turn out so corrupted.