You're an FTM and You're GAY?

[Tejas]

Not really. When you are with a guy as a woman, unless the guy is broadminded, you are still going to play as a woman. With a female body. So really, it is not a difficult matter at all. Considering if you don't feel comfortable in your birth body then the feeling is only going to be amplified during intimate situations. At least it is for me.

Women amplified my discomfort way more than men did. LOL. It's hard to explain because on one hand, yes, I hate this body, but on the other, I kind of understand how it's suppose to work. Thankfully, past partners have been broadminded, I guess.

[Arch]

Weird seeing some of my odd musings from a few years back.

Even when I was a child, I wanted to relate to males AS a male. All of the fantasies I had were of this type. When I began to have sexual feelings, I fantasized that I was a boy having sex with men. My gayness explains why I was never fully comfortable with "straight" sex. Some occasions were much better than others, but I later realized that it was only because I was repressing my true feelings. It got harder and harder for me to do that as time went by.

Ever since I found out that there WAS such a thing as a gay community, I've known that those gay men were my people. Now I spend most of my social time in the gay community, and I know that it's where I belong.

[Zerro]

I like men and women equally, I guess. But relationships aren't important to me. I'm not transitioning just so I can please a potential partner. I'm doing this for my own well being. I'm a man, my occasional interest in the same gender doesn't make me any less of one.

It's not "easier" to be a straight woman. I've been forced into that role and it ended in multiple suicide attempts and a couple hospitalizations. I'm not supposed to have the sexual organs I do right now, that's why I'm transitioning. You know, to correct that mistake? There's no way in hell that I would pretend to be a woman just so I could be with a man. No partner is worth that, to me personally.

[Phoeniks]

I'm quite gay on my own scale. I know I'm attracted to males and masculine and butchy people in general.

I just always get disgusted when someone treats me as a female. Being treated as a female feels like a violation. I've always tried to avoid heteronormative partners. I'm just not hetero, I never was, no matter how submissive I can act and how much I can enjoy that role, also. Likewise, no matter how dominating I can be, I'd just never be a female in that role, either. Not that I haven't tried to be a female

Nothing in me or my tastes makes me a female, it doesn't work like that. No matter how much easier things would be in theory, I would always feel disgust about my body and alienate myself from it, and feel like I was not whole, not real, not me, never as good or complete as my (male/androgyne) partner or friend or whomever. It's easy to know that since I still cope with those feelings every day.

So yeah, there's a world of difference.

[FTMDiaries]

Even when I was a child, I wanted to relate to males AS a male. All of the fantasies I had were of this type. When I began to have sexual feelings, I fantasized that I was a boy having sex with men. My gayness explains why I was never fully comfortable with "straight" sex. Some occasions were much better than others, but I later realized that it was only because I was repressing my true feelings. It got harder and harder for me to do that as time went by.

^ This.

The last time my hubby & I had guy-on-girl sex, I cried my eyes out. I just couldn't stand taking the female role any more. I've always fantasised that I'm taking the guy's role; it's the only way I could get through it & get to where I needed to be.

I'm also uncomfortable with the stereotype that 'most FtMs are attracted to women'. It gives the impression that we're just a bunch of hyper-butch lesbians who transition because it'd be 'easier' to be straight. We don't all like girls, and as others have said we don't all think it'd be easier to be straight (if it was, I wouldn't be transitioning!). In fact, some of us have good reasons to dislike girls - such as being forced to live as one for so long.

(Wow, this thread's come up from the depths, hasn't it?)

[Simon]

I'm also uncomfortable with the stereotype that 'most FtMs are attracted to women'. It gives the impression that we're just a bunch of hyper-butch lesbians who transition because it'd be 'easier' to be straight.

You know as much crap as I'm sure gay transguys get, I, as a straight transman have had that poo flung at me before. I for one never identified as a lesbian. Never was into the gay bar scene, pride parades, or waved a rainbow flag (and that is saying something since I lived in the Northern Jersey/NYC area for years). I've been to the gay bar where I live now twice in the past decade. Both times I was hit on by men as my gf was hit on by women (my gf looks like a butch lesbian but nope...besides me she was only with cis males).

Point is there are always going to be misconceptions about us. Funny thing is it's usually our own who question us. Question our transition. Question who we love, Question how well we pass. Pfffft, I say. Pfffft. 

I will say that the most hurtful thing ever said to me was by a gay cis male friend. I was living with him at the time and he would get intoxicated then the emotions would come out. He had propositioned me to the point where I thought it was funny...you know, "yeah yeah buddy...you're drunk go sleep it off" sorta thing. Then one day he gets irate about it and says "Why did you move in with me if you're nothing but an effing dyke". I moved out a week later.

So yes, we both get crap thrown at us. The gay transguys get told "you should have just stayed female".

The straight transmen get told "you just don't want to be seen as a lesbian" or "after your surgeries I guess you can legally get married then...not like when you were a lesbian".

Things like this make me hate people. 

[FTMDiaries]

Point is there are always going to be misconceptions about us. Funny thing is it's usually our own who question us. Question our transition. Question who we love, Question how well we pass. Pfffft, I say. Pfffft. 

I see your Pffffts, and I raise you an additional Pfffft. Pfffft to the lot of 'em!

So yes, we both get crap thrown at us. The gay transguys get told "you should have just stayed female".

The straight transmen get told "you just don't want to be seen as a lesbian" or "after your surgeries I guess you can legally get married then...not like when you were a lesbian".

Things like this make me hate people. 

Let's face it: life isn't easy for any of us, regardless of our lifestyle. Haters gonna hate. 

I tried to 'just stay female' for years & years... until I realised it was tearing me apart. A lot of (cis)people might not realise this but transitioning is the easier option, at least for me. The other option doesn't bear thinking about.

[FullThrottleMalehem]

It would be easier to just stay female, if that's how I felt on the inside. Unfortunately I have never liked female pronouns, and always wanted to hang with the guys and be accepted as one of them.

I identify as pansexual, but I find I am most attracted to men cis or trans, and queer identified folks such as gender queer and androgyne, and I've been that way since I went through puberty. I'm pre hormones due to cost and other issues, so this may change when/if I'm ever able to get on T.

[cynthialee]

I know gay FTM and MTF. There is no limit to the diversity of the human sexual experiance.

I am MTF and mainly into females. My spouse is FTA and mainly into guys. Lucky for us we are both pansexual.

[Rita]

Being comfortable with yourself opens you up to all sexual possibilities.

In the end it might be experimentation, or might be something real.  I hit that phase as well~ and I think many people do whether they admit it or not. 

[Arch]

Being comfortable with yourself opens you up to all sexual possibilities.

I wouldn't say that. With me, it was the exact opposite. After I fully admitted that I was a man, I was finally able to admit that I wasn't bisexual, not a bit. I've never been attracted to women, but I tried really hard...and now I don't have to.

[sneakersjay]

I understand not being comfortable in your skin and needing to be the other gender... but wouldn't it be easier to just be female and not be gay?

Have always loved men.  But the funny thing is, before I realized I was trans, I actually said the last part of the quoted sentence.  Why would a man become a woman to be with a woman?  Why would a woman become a man to be with a man?

Then, DUH, I figured out that I was trans (knew since age 4 but didn't know what I felt meant I was trans).  and then, I still loved men.  Double duh, I'm gay.

Being with a man as a man is a totally different thing than a straight relationship.  1000x better.  Funny, but I see more posts here by straight guys than gay guys.

[soulofthegypsy]

I was (still am) married to FTM guy...since I know him he was always only interested in woman. When we got married 3 years ago he started his transition ( but only naturally)...that didn't got him where he wanted to be. Six month ago he started testosterone. 3 months in, I discovered that he is watching a load of gay porn....when I ask him about it, he said that he just wants to learn how the penis operates...last week I discovered that he has and add on Craigslist soliciting man for sex.....so I do have some suspicion that testosterone played big role in this change.

[GentlemanRDP]

Well, I can't speak for all of the FtMs in the world, but to me, it seems like being FtM and being gay is actually pretty common. This is a bit of my experience; when I was younger, and didn't even know what FtM was, I had been raised (As most little 'girls,') to expect that I was going to grow up and marry and man and have kids. So...I dated guys. I thought I liked guys at that point, but I think that I just assumed I did, I wasn't really interested in them – but I come from a family of mostly women (I have two male cousins, a few uncles, and my dad...and that's it) So I got very jumpy around guys in general, I think because I wasn't used to interacting with them – I think that I mistook this for attraction in my younger years. But the older that I got, I began to resent my female body, and thus became very jealous of men – they had what I wanted, and that pissed me off. I went through an awkward lesbian phase, but I never felt attracted to the girls I was with – I didn't get those warm fuzzy feelings that you get when you're attracted to someone. After realizing that I was an FtM, I continued to date girls for a bit...but it didn't feel right, and I came out as being gay. So no, I wasn't always attracted to men.

'Wouldn't it be easier to be female and not be gay?'

No...because I am not a female. I could ask you, "Wouldn't it be easier for you to be a woman and be a lesbian?" But your answer will probably be, "No," Because it sounds like you're not a woman either. Gender identity and sexuality simply are not the same, one does not affect the other. They are independent of each other.

I've heard of plenty of straight FtMs out there. Believe me, they exist, but I am not one of them.

[Sebby Michelango]

Sexuality and gender identity is two difference thing. They doesn't affect each other. Transgender people can be straight, gay, bi and pan like cisgender. Many gay FTMs find these questions a bit offensive.

If you're a guy "trapped" in a female body, it's not fun at all. Gay FTMs may have gender dysphoria, discomfort etc. with their bodies too. They are supposed to have a male body, but because something happening, they are born with the wrong genitals.

Many FTMs wouldn't stay as female, because they are guys. It wouldn't be easier for them to stay as female and come in a relationship with another guy who loving them being girls. Because it's dysphoria triggering. Many FTMs doesn't feel comfortable about their chest or the downstairs. So many skip the sex-life etc. to they are post-op.

I'm gay and FTM, I would never live as the opposite gender. That isn't possible. :/ And I doesn't want to be treaten as a woman, have a woman body etc. So it's easier said than done. Try ask a gay cisguy why he doesn't want to be a girl in the gay relationship.

[Khatru]

I'm bisexual and I've always been bisexual. Didn't change when I discovered that I was a guy. But, my sexuality is fluid. Sometimes I've been more attracted to men, other times more attracted to women, etc. Oh and I like nonbinary people too.

[Kylo]

I'm bi. I've always been bi. There has been no change.

Although I would say the attraction to men and women and its associated sensations differs slightly in ways it's difficult to describe.

[SeptagonScars]

I'm a gay ftm. I wouldn't say that being gay is not "normal" regardless of if the person is trans or not, however it might be that it's less common. It kinda feels like it does put me in a minority of a minority in a way, but that doesn't really bother me.

I was always attracted to males, even since before I discovered that I'm trans and there's never been any question about that for me. However I have had a little bit of attraction to females in the past as well, but I choose to go by gay cause my interest in females happens very rarely and never lasts long enough for me to even have a chance to act on it, kinda. It could very likely be more of a curiosity than actual attraction though.

As far as I see it when it comes to myself, it's far easier and a much better option for me to live as a gay man than it was to try to live as a straight girl. However I did think of myself as bisexual back then, at least during most of my teens. The reason for this is that no amounts of social acceptance could ever make my body dysphoria into something that I could have lived with. However I consider myself lucky in the aspect that I have always had very supportive friends, family members and partners both when it comes to me being trans and my sexuality. I've never really faced either transphobia or homophobia.

So of course I don't have much at all to complain about when it comes to the aspect of social acceptance, except from a few, rare occasions of not so accepting strangers that I've run into in the past, although nothing terribly bad happened during those encounters. And well, transitioning from female to male has given me confidence, self esteem and a better sense of inner comfort in a lot of aspects, so it's definitely better compared to life before transition, no matter who I was or wasn't attracted to. To me there's nothing wrong with being gay at all, and I'm proud to be gay, so I don't even regard it as a problem.

Also, I am aware of that dating and finding partners as an ftm certainly isn't always easy, and it hasn't been for me either. But well, I'd rather be more alone but more comfortable with myself, than more popular and hating myself. And well I wasn't really that popular before either, but still. I was around.

[MeTony]

I am bisexual FtM. I love the attention I get from women. I am pre T. But I look much like a guy. Just two hours ago I got a huge smile and a "hi" from a woman when we met on the street. But I am also attracted to men. I prefer men that are not too masculine in their appearence. All non-masculine men are not gay though.

I also thought being a woman is much more simple. But this is not me. I hate parts of my body and I don't see myself as the mirror shows. I realized transsexual people existed 10 years ago. Tho only thing I regret is that I did not act on this sooner. I have always been a boy. I just knew it. But did not know how to change my outer to fit my inner.

[WolfNightV4X1]

I was always attracted to males. Still am.

Buuuut...since I've always liked more feminine men, naturally one of those men turned out to be a woman. It changed my way of thinking a bit, in a way I find a lot of comfort in being the male figure in a relationship, and I find myself more attracted to woman as a man than I was as...not a man. I definitely was not a lesbian at all. Transitioning kind of opened up bisexuality to me and made me more attracted to the other sex in the body of my sex