Womanhood - Expectations vs. Reality

[Janet_Girl]

Reality:
If you begin transition older (35+) you more than likely will always be seen as trans.
If you transition younger (under 35) you have a real chance of being seen as female, and going stealth.
I am brutally honest about this.  I would not recommend transition for anybody over 35 who wants to be seen as female.

And who is to say that ' I really could care less about your opinion, if I am trans or not".  Just because younger transitioners have an easier time of it, does not mean that we ( older girls ) are not finally happy.

'Judge not, Yet thee be judged',  sound familiar?

If I could have been strong like Northern Jane or Matilda, I too would be one of the girls that made it.  But until you know me or my reasons, Do not judge.

You are lucky, I was not.  Nor were many of us.  Please do not judge me, because I was not the type of person YOU think I should have been.

I am working towards the person I always was, but I did not have the strength to be.

Don't judge that which you do not know.


Janet

[Julie Marie]

Damn!  I wish I knew about the 35 over/under rule.  It could have saved me a lot of time. 

How does that saying go?  Something about not being disappointed if your expectations aren't too high?  Maybe it should be reasonable instead of too high...

I told my therapist I'd never transition because I'd never pass.  What she didn't know was my idea of passing was looking something like a Victoria's Secret model.    I went ahead and transitioned and I pass but I still haven't heard from VS about the photo album I sent them.     

Women come in all shapes and sizes.  There are a few that society idolizes but most are just accepted as women.  If your heart tells you this is what you must do to be at peace with yourself, then do it and don't worry about what the world will think.  Unless you're over 35! 

Julie

[Rebecca Liz]

I was 38 when I started transitioning. I worried that I wouldn't pass, but have zero issues now - naked or clothed. I just met a girl whose older sister transitioned when she was 20. Totally passed then, but now, in her 50s, apparently doesn't come close.

As much as age plays a huge part of your chances at looking pretty, it doesn't necessarily play as large a role in whether or not you pass. I managed to luck out in both aspects, despite my years...

[Rebecca Liz]

Kate, I think you're a bit closer (and yes, Becca, be true to yourself)... but as for "Before 35 you will see yourself as female"... well, again, I think that's too broad a generalization. I see myself as nothing but a female, despite the age I transitioned at. And I'm actually considering modeling....

[NikkiJ]

I just noticed this thread, and scanned over the responses. I didn't care for the generalization about age, and am a bit surprised at that, but then again, only other Ts have ever been the ones to say/do anything hurtful to me.

Only. Ever.

I got burned a few years back, and tell my straight friends (which is pretty much almost all my friends) that this is a catty, competitive scene. I wish I could say it's one grand sisterhood, but it's not.

OK, my circumstances....55, pre-op, on HRT for 4 and a half years. Transitioned now for two and a half years.

1. Calmer, less aggressive, less anxiety interacting with people.
        Oh, for sure, I was terribly awkward as a male, and I think people picked up on that. I'm so much more confident now, and like people much more than I used to, which was pretty much not at all.
2. Women will accept me as one of them - more girl talk, more fluid conversations(because I don't need to be concerned about revealing too much of my feminine personality)
        Some, are like that. This is something that depends on circumstances.
3. People will not be weirded out by my fem mannerisms, speech patterns, or body language
        I haven't had any problems yet.
4. Lesbians will consider me as a suitable partner(at least, alot more than do now!:P)
        I'd like that, but I haven't really tried to pursue a relationship.
5. Emotions will intensify - cry more, happy more, feel more
        A definite 'yes' to that. My range of emotions is so much wider now.
6. Calmer, more patient, and move loving to my daughter - less irritable
        Most of the time.
7. More concerned with my appearance
        This was always a concern with me, so it's not new.
8. Straight men will be more attracted to me, men in general will expect less from me - more impressed when I exceed their expectations
         Don't know, I need to be more social. I get hit on in those stupid online chat rooms. Not looking for a guy, really
9. Feel more vulnerable(physically and emotionally)
         Especially emotionally. I've met at least one "fake friend" in this scene.
10.Love myself
          I love the new me.
11. Look in the mirror and be happy that I have this body and that I'm me
          I'm happier all the time about that.
12. Feel sexier, more attractive
          Yes.
13. More difficult to orgasm, but more intense(waves, tinglies, multiple)
          Yes, it's a totally different, more satisfying feeling, even for this pre-op girl.
14. Become more communal oriented
          Eh.
15. Feel a closer bond to my lovers(women)
           I'll let you know if that ever happens.
16. Expected to wear makeup, jewelry, accessories
           I work with PhD's and attorneys who dress comfortably, there is no pressure on me to meet any dress code, etc. If I come in wearing my heels and a dress, it's to please myself.
17. Expected not to work on my car or house, or eat a big plate of ribs, etc - to be "girly"
          Well, I've changed my eating habits out of necessity, I gain weight where I never did before. However I have been known to be under my car in leggings and a t-shirt on at least one occasion in my old neighborhood where everyone knew my circumstances.
18. Be scroned by men as a "dyke", talked about behind my back by women
          No, don't think so.
19.  Smoother skin, less body hair, less shaving
           Yes, thank goodness.
20.   Closer affiliation with my body, more self-confidence
            Yes, getting better all the time.
21.  More jiggly - more hips, more chest, less tummy/shoulders
             Working on that. I'd like some of the jiggle in one place to be re-deposited in other places : )

[MaggieB]

Reality:
If you begin transition older (35+) you more than likely will always be seen as trans.
If you transition younger (under 35) you have a real chance of being seen as female, and going stealth.
I am brutally honest about this.  I would not recommend transition for anybody over 35 who wants to be seen as female.

Oh I don't think so... I'm 58 and passing is not one of my issues. EVER. Cause I always pass.

Maggie

[sarals]

Oh I don't think so... I'm 58 and passing is not one of my issues. EVER. Cause I always pass.

Maggie

YES SHE DOES!!!  I know Maggie, and I can say that with complete certainty!

[Hannah]

But everyone treats me as the woman I am becoming

I'm having a similar experience Kate, but there is no doubt in my mind people are just being polite to me. This whole transition thing is supposed to be temporary, not a long term way of life; and I'm struggling to figure out how to go on if the telltale physical stuff doesn't fade. I can manage a decent voice, and behavior wise I think I could assimilate pretty well...but with male markers burning through it's no good. I guess 8 months is nothing in the long term, but I understand what sweetstars was getting at and it really scares me.

[sarals]

I'm having a similar experience Kate, but there is no doubt in my mind people are just being polite to me. This whole transition thing is supposed to be temporary, not a long term way of life; and I'm struggling to figure out how to go on if the telltale physical stuff doesn't fade. I can manage a decent voice, and behavior wise I think I could assimilate pretty well...but with male markers burning through it's no good. I guess 8 months is nothing in the long term, but I understand what sweetstars was getting at and it really scares me.

Becca, I assume you're talking about HRT?  Here comes the blanket "YMMV", but truly, 8 months is NOT long.  Most say you'll start to see maximum effects at around two years, and things just keep improving from there.  SRS can cause even more physical changes than just the obvious.  Give yourself a chance, keep going.  You look wonderful in your avatar, so I'd say at 8 months you're off to great start!

Hugs!  ~~~~ Sara Lynn

[Naturally Blonde]

Really?  That may be true for some.  I'm 57.  I started HRT 20 months ago.  I do panel speaking with an LGBT speakers group, and I have to convince people that I am trans.  I've had no surgeries, just HRT.  Yes, YMMV of course, but for me, I look like the gender I (should have been born to) am.  I should give my stats to go with my avatar, I guess.  I'm 5'4", 128 pounds.  Size 4.  Some of us "older trans people" DO have a chance of passing.  I'm one of them, and I know there are others.

You say you are a size 4? a size 4 in what? do you mean size 4 feet? In your photograph you look fairly well built.

[sarals]

You say you are a size 4? a size 4 in what? do you mean size 4 feet? In your photograph you look fairly well built.

I'm a size 4 pants, small blouses and tops...my feet are 7.5 womans.  I am NOT fairly well built!  36/27/37, A cup, that's it... 

[Hannah]

You look wonderful in your avatar

Thank you, I had just eaten a mouse and finished a saucer of french vanilla creame. Fantastic diet for good fat redistribution and all 8 boobs are coming along great 

[sarals]

Thank you, I had just eaten a mouse and finished a saucer of french vanilla creame. Fantastic diet for good fat redistribution and all 8 boobs are coming along great 

You pass beautifully!  Are you really a ciskitty trying to pawn yourself off as trans???

[Naturally Blonde]

I'm a size 4 pants, small blouses and tops...my feet are 7.5 womans.  I am NOT fairly well built!  36/27/37, A cup, that's it...

Obviously American sizes differ from those in England, U.K and if you were a size 4 in the U.K you would be seriously underweight and a size 8 would be classed as very small here. The average female size over here would is a 12.

[sarals]

Obviously American sizes differ from those in England, U.K and if you were a size 4 in the U.K you would be seriously underweight and a size 8 would be classed as very small here. The average female size over here would is a 12.

Obviously they differ!  They do in shoe sizes, too.

US sizes vary from maker to maker as well.  Some maker's dresses size 4 fit me perfectly, others I need a size 6.  That's why there are changing rooms in clothing stores.  "Measure twice, cut once".

Over here I am considered petite and small framed, but well proportioned.  I am very similar in size and shape to many ciswomen.  I don't want to hazard a guess as to what the predominant womens clothing size is here, but I feel I fall right into a common size range.

[Nigella]

Reality:
If you begin transition older (35+) you more than likely will always be seen as trans.
If you transition younger (under 35) you have a real chance of being seen as female, and going stealth.
I am brutally honest about this.  I would not recommend transition for anybody over 35 who wants to be seen as female.

I am a bit slow to this thread, but really under 35 what a load of rubbish. Anyway we transition for ourselves not becasue we make cat walk models, its gender dysphoria for goodness sake not a model competion. Anyway that said, I am 51 and started transition 2 years ago and have been on HRT for 18 months. My fat distribution is good, breast growth is 36b and my shoe size is now 7 was 8 and dress size 12. I wear a bikini to the beach and I work full time and I am stealth. At least I was until this post, lol. Some may disagree but I have been convinced that some gg has been transsexual but on talking to them and getting to know them they turned out to be gg's.

Just as men come in all shapes and sizes so do women. Truth be told if I was asked if I would have FFS I think I would as there are a few things I'd like to tidy up, but as far as the body no.
I have said it time and time again on Susan's that it is all down to genetic make up and how many estrogen recptors you have even as male. Obviously this is the same in females, that's why there is so much variation, big and small. I kind of sucks that here on Susans it seems that it becomes a kind of competion of who looks or passes better than others. Yeah it matters to me if I pass but I didn't start transition thinking I will pass so I will become a woman, I started because I looked over the dark abyss of death and the only way to overcome my dysphoria was to transition rahter than take my life.

Forgot to add that I jog every day (or at least every day except when I'm working a long day and then I just fall a sleep when I get home, lol).

Sorry for rambling, so come on girls and guys hope, love and charity.

Stardust

[wabbit2]

Reality:
If you begin transition older (35+) you more than likely will always be seen as trans.
If you transition younger (under 35) you have a real chance of being seen as female, and going stealth.
I am brutally honest about this.  I would not recommend transition for anybody over 35 who wants to be seen as female.

Interesting quote.  What is the parameters for starting transistion you think?

I started hormones 6 months prior to my 35th birthday so guess ifs thats the standard i'm fine......

[Naturally Blonde]

Reality:
If you begin transition older (35+) you more than likely will always be seen as trans.
If you transition younger (under 35) you have a real chance of being seen as female, and going stealth.
I am brutally honest about this.  I would not recommend transition for anybody over 35 who wants to be seen as female.

I noticed the person who posted this hasn't had the balls to come back into the forum and answer all the angry messages in reply to the over 35 tansitioners tag. But I do think they also have a point and I've seen many in the Transsexuals in the supermarket and  about town and you know straight away they are trans. But I don't think it's an age thing, it would be more to with their physical build, heavy make up and bad choice of clothing but they could be any age. Some over 35's look stunning and some younger transitioners look unconvincing and vice versa and the opposite could be said. But Sweetstars doesn't seem to understand or take on board the struggles and heartache people go through to try and achieve their goal and many are unable to reach that point of complete passability in all situations, I would say I don't and it is very distressing for everyone in the same position.

I think the best time to transition is pre-puberty but most of us never had that opportunity even though we felt we needed to transition much earlier, for what ever reason it wasn't possible. I grew up in the 1970's and wish I grew up in the 2000's which would have been more beneficial as attitudes have improved. I started taking the pill at 24 and I was 38 when I started HRT full time but I didn't get the right fat distribution or breast growth I wanted and I do find it upsetting. I'm still looking for ways of funding a solution to effect these changes but even without the right fat distribution I don't get perceived as trans. So whatever I'm doing right I'm grateful for that.

[MaggieB]

Older transitioners don't have to deal with mating urges as the young do.  We aren't constantly being sized up as hot young chicks by a hormonally driven sexually active male.  No, instead, older transitioners are viewed as grandma types and dismissed without too much scrutiny.  So I maintain that it is easier to pass later.  I don't know about others here but I don't go around wondering what is under the clothes of grandma or a middle aged woman.  Never did. 

I agree that there are younger transitioners can't pass and these gals have it much harder.  They get sized up constantly by peers and are compared to the sexual stereotypes that our insane society puts out there as a standard of beauty.  Not only that they are in a social group driven by sexual interactions.  That is a lot of attention with some very harsh potential consequences for failing to pass.  While I dearly wish that I could have transitioned decades before I did, I'm not sure how well I would handle life as a transsexual in the mating game.

Maggie

[Julie Marie]

Older transitioners don't have to deal with mating urges as the young do.  We aren't constantly being sized up as hot young chicks by a hormonally driven sexually active male.  No, instead, older transitioners are viewed as grandma types and dismissed without too much scrutiny.

I don't know Maggie.  I stuck my finger in the estrogen bottle and...




Julie