Quote from: Chrissty on January 25, 2010, 05:12:23 AM
I totally agree....
I agree with this too...
..... but I am also saying that the male body experience we are "used to", tends to focus on "one" thing, and the lead up to "one" event; wheras the female experience is a lot more about the whole body, and repeated waves of sensation.
If you can get over "it's" existence (which I did with the fundamental realisation that the sensations are mostly the same just re-arranged) then you can move on to explore the wider aspects of female sensuality and orgasm before GCS.
Kara..... I suppose I find myself in this situation as I'm not able to start HRT at this time, and maybe for similar reasons you had become an expert on herbals when I first joined Susan's. When our path is blocked, we instinctively look for alternative routes to continue to make progress to the destination our heart desires... In this case, I was more than a little surprised to discover what is possible with the limitations of a pysically male body....
Chrissty
I can get close to female orgasms (Whatever they are now ._.
... But these days its only if I really need it, cause I've been weaker lately and the inability for me to climb over that steep mountain of subconscious badness associated with the THING... That I have.
Its like the more my mind progresses the bigger the gap there is. Its like it one day finally snapped. I mean what I do on my own sucks... Its only good at climax. The road to that is grueling and horrible. But I'm pretty sure I wont have a problem with sensation if SRS goes ok... The pathways are certainly there. Thats why I hate it. Cause my mind feels a totally different sensation and reality than what is happening physically... And it takes an extremely huge amount of concentration and faith to believe it, or to not be consciously depressed that you can't move forward on what you feel cause the physical is off.
If I'm with someone else though... Its impossible. A couple of times were ok, but then I just felt humiliated and exposed directly afterwards. Now it is literally impossible for me to get through anything in person with someone else. The wrongness is 5 times stronger. The other person was treating me perfectly too.
As for herbals... I was heavily using them at first... Just to find myself out. Back then I thought I had the desire "to be" a girl, or at least physically female. It kind of helped my feelings for a while, but herbals are only really ok if you're not on HRT yet... And HRT is better. Now I'm on that. Actually I still self medicate something in the mix... Microgest progesterone. I asked my psychiatrist and my endo, "How would you like it if I confiscated a chemical in your body or your ovaries? Maybe your serotonin... And hid it... And then made you jump through flaming hoops to get it. You'd be pissed wouldn't you?" Dunno whether or not to cycle it yet. Aw well... But I was doing herbals for that reason, yes. Cause my mom is stupid. I think that its only started to be really mentally digested more recently. Because now the my brain is more itself, the contrast is obvious to stupid me.
Its not like I am anorgasmic or anything... Its just much harder now to lie to myself about whats there, or overcome the subconscious wave of catatonic horror that is freaking impossible to deal with. I dunno when I can get sliced up for 20 grand... Cause I'm rather poor and so is my family... And there's no way in hell my grandfather would support this... But I cant wait for the painkiller high, and feeling less defective, and looking forward to a small possibility of a real relationship...
That person had the site to raise funds to reverse their transition... Wish I could do something like that in reverse only I'd feel like I was using people, lol. I. Hate. Money. Period...