Telling a guy your trans =x

[Angela]

Thank you Izumi.I have to admit that in the past,I would probably say cya as well.Its still amazes me how very little is left of my past personality, how about you ?Do you still enjoy any hobbies you had as a man? For me, its the same taste in movies and music.But thats pretty much it.

[Matt Chase]

Maybe we sometimes just don't notice this hidden world because we are often a bit too direct with our feelings and emotions while women are much more subtle.

i've always noticed women being more openly emotional, although i have also noticed what you are saying about them being fake with other people, that bothers me...

but i was just saying that women seem take the "side" of another woman more readily than that of a man. 

[Octavianus]

Izumi, that is pretty sad.I asked  my boyfriend Mike, if he didnt know me from before, and came out again transgender, would he still love me? He said he wasnt sure.I dont know if I should see that as positive or negative ?

Dear Angela, don't be angry with your boyfriend for telling you this. Like Izumi wrote he is honest about this and that is a good thing. It is a subject that bothers me also.
I wondered if I would still fall in love with my girlfriend if I knew of her past from the first day we met. It is a question I cannot answer with a simple yes or no. This is because there is always the risk that I would not see the actual personality through the indoctrinated stereotype. In the end I think there is a large chance that I am level headed enough to look past this.
The way I read it I think you should regard it as very positive because he basically says you that your personality is more important to him than your body or past.

i have also noticed what you are saying about them being fake with other people, that bothers me...

Did I write that? I am sorry if I appear that way, I never meant to generalize. But I think it is true that some women rather tell a comforting lie than the harsh thruthut. This also apply to men so it is kind of a non-issue.

yeah its much better to hang out with people that dont look you in the face when they talk to you, and fantasize about all the different ways they would like to do you...

You can't lump us all together, Izumi. Not all guys fantasize of different ways of doing girls but I do admit that the majority of us seem to do so. I clearly remember living (on a work related base) with a girl who just couldn't stop staring at the point where my legs join my body when I stood before her in my pajama's. "So that is how women must feel" I thought by myself.

[Izumi]

Thank you Izumi.I have to admit that in the past,I would probably say cya as well.Its still amazes me how very little is left of my past personality, how about you ?Do you still enjoy any hobbies you had as a man? For me, its the same taste in movies and music.But thats pretty much it.

Heh, i mellowed out a bit, but i still do activities considered... manly.  Like playing airsoft.  My interests in video games, comics, and all that nerdy stuff stuck around, but i also mix it with new activities that are more active like surfing, running, working out.  If you were to meet me and never knew me you would think me pretty regular person, but i am pretty geeky at times, but only around geeky friends, they bring it out of me.  The only difference is all the things that made me a chick repellent as a guy, is now a guy SUPER MAGNET.   Since i do guy stuff people ask me out at the events from time to time and just about everyone wants to be my friend.  I am not the only woman mind you at the events but i seem to attract certain types... eh.  I am happy with my guy, no need for a replacement. 

The only real thing is that i stopped playing mmos, i think it was because i always played female characters so i could live like one at least virtually but now that i can IRL, its just boring ^_^.

[Izumi]

You can't lump us all together, Izumi. Not all guys fantasize of different ways of doing girls but I do admit that the majority of us seem to do so. I clearly remember living (on a work related base) with a girl who just couldn't stop staring at the point where my legs join my body when I stood before her in my pajama's. "So that is how women must feel" I thought by myself.

Not every guy ^_^ i am talking statistically, you know the bell curve.  You will always have people on the sides that dont, but a lot of guys do think that way.  I think to the point where really a woman cant have "Friends" that are men.  I known a lot of guys that stick around girls for the chance that she will leave whos shes with to be with them.   The only friends I have who are guys are the ones that knew me pre-transition, married, getting married, already have a girlfriend, or gay.   I have found any other guy wanting a relationship with me as a "Friend" inevitably asks me out at one point or another.  I choose not to have guy friends past these types because i know i wouldnt my fiance to have single available female friends that he goes to see (while i am not there) so i follow the same example for myself.  He knows i will never cheat on him because i dont put myself in a position where that would be possible. 

Also i know women look at men the same way sometimes.  Some women even one up men, they dont even look at the guy, they look at his wallet..... that in a way is a lot more superficial.

[Debra]

Had 2 guys today chat it up with me and everything's great but then when they found out, they didn't want anything to do with me anymore.

One just wanted to be friends. (he was ready to ask me on a date before)

The other said he wanted kids someday.....

bleh. I hate dating sometimes. =(

[Angela]

Into videogames Izumi eh? I didnt mention it , because I mostly play them in the winter.

[Octavianus]

I think to the point where really a woman cant have "Friends" that are men. 

Funny that you say this because it is also what I hear form friends both male and female.
I can't speak for everyone but as a toddler I met a girl who I spend my entire youth with untill college. We did everything together, playing at each other house when it rained, playing outside on good days. Going to the beach together, making trips and we even had a lot of sleepovers. Later on we studied together. Nothing romantically ever happened between us, we just enjoyed each other's company as a friend. We split when I had to move to another country for my education. When I returned I discovered that her parents divorced and she moved with her mother. Till this day I haven't been able to trace her whereabouts. I would love to get back in touch with her to see how she is doing. 

Believe me, it is possible for a man and woman to be just good friends.

[Angela]

Jerica, keep your head up.You will find someone special as you.

[Octavianus]

Hi Jerica, I am sorry to hear about your bad dating experiences of today.
As unreasonable as they may be, every man is entiteled to his own opinion. Also on this subject. It does hurt, but I hope you can find comfort in the thought that these men were probably not right for you and don't deserve you.

[Chris968]

From a guy's input... I also find it harder and more intimidating to tell other guys I'm trans.  When I moved to a new city I had already been on hormones for a while so everyone I met from there on only knew me as a man.  I don't know if it's just the guys that I know, but I feel intimidated telling them from a trans standpoint.  Maybe it's because I fear they won't see me as "one of the guys" anymore.

On the other hand, the women I have told since I moved were all very accepting and just see me as a normal gay guy.  Then again I think it can vary from person to person as to how they will react, but overall I definitely hesitate before coming out to cis-males.

[Alexmakenoise]

As a pre-transition ftm, I find it easier to tell guys.  In fact, the only woman I've told was my mother.  But this is because about 90% of my friends are guys, and I'm more comfortable around guys, in general.

In fact, I'm kind of intimidated by the idea of telling a girl.  I know I could if I had to, and it probably wouldn't be a big deal with the few girls I'm friends with.  But I'd be nervous about how they'd initially react.  I don't understand girls very well (as the first page of this thread reminded me); I'm not very good at predicting how they'll react to things.  With guys, coming out is less nerve-wracking because I usually have an idea of how they'll react before I say anything, and I'm better at phrasing it so they'll understand.  I'm just not as good at communicating with girls.

[V M]

The most difficult (and scary) I can think of is telling a guy who is interested in me and doesn't know I'm trans... Sometimes the reaction can be rather scary (angry) but more often they're face kinda drops and they just say "oh..." and then you never hear from them again 

The guys who are just friends are a little taken aback sometimes but more often suspected already

Maybe someday I'll be able to tell a happily ever after story

[Debra]

Thanks Octavianus and Angela.

I have come across guys that saw me as a woman and were understanding and all that so I know there is hope.

Sure everyone is entitled to their own preferences but when it comes to liking everything about me except something that was not my fault (and is in the past, esp after surgery) , I just can't understand.

[seanstartrunning]

Being FtM, I find it rather difficult to tell guys that I'm trans. Most of the time, I'm read as a guy, but when I'm not, and the wrong pronouns come out, I either ignore it, or simply correct them by saying, "He..." If it gets out of hand, and I just can't take it anymore, I tell them in the simplest way possible. They've all seemed okay with it, and have been accepting.