Ok, let me point out a few more things here. Should all women or men act the same? Nope. Should all TSs transition the same way? Nope. There are always bell curves that most people fall under and it doesn't mean that one must fall within a certain range. There is often more than one path to reach a goal as well. The point I'm making is that there are a lot of mis-aligned labels out there and an awful lot of bad advice coming from the transgendered community itself. For a young TS or someone in the middle of trying to figure themselves out this can be dangerous. Why else then would there be a standards of care that includes seeing a string of varied professionals? Please note that I am speaking from my own experiences which will not be the same as everyone else's.
So let's roll the clock back a little bit. It was only recently (as in 2008) that I started to learn and come to grips with my gender identity issues although now looking back to childhood I can see the endless strings of warning signs that I had previously ignored. So back in 2007 I went to a certain gay bar. At that time this is what I learned about TG people. There were the drag queens which were basically guys who dressed up as girls and who often performed on stage. The TSs were the ones with boobs. That's right and that is still how poorly defined it is in that same (and countless other places) bar today. If you've taken hormones and have had a boob job, you are a TS. If not, you are a DQ. Nonsense. When I first started presenting female which was mainly experimentation at the time, I was referred to as "being in drag" by others. Nonsense as well. By that time I had started to read and learn more and I certainly didn't feel like I wanted to call it "drag." So I called myself a CD (crossdresser). I considered myself to have two personalities or lifestyles--that of a male persona which I would present to the world during the non-interesting times in life (work, errands, family) and a female persona I would present in the fun times (the social scenes).
Well by early 2009 I realized that this wasn't quite right either. After all, it never really felt like it was about the clothes anyway and a much more serious internal struggle was going on. Again, I haven't transitioned yet but then you could say I have to a degree at least in terms of my appearance compared to what it was in 2007. Anyway let's get to the point:
There is nothing wrong with DQs, CDs, pre-op, post-op, and non-op TSs, and those questioning. What is wrong is when a significant portion of what people present and advise is incorrect. I've learned there are three realities in this world: the way things seem to be, the way things should be, and the way things really are. I know T-girls who are buying hormones off the street and from Mexico (lots of them). I know T-girls who have had direct silicon injections to form boobs and I know one who does this illegal operation all over the country (imagine if the FBI got wind of it), I know plenty of T-girls who believe pre-op and post-op refers to getting a BA, plenty of T-girls that have spent 10+ years involved in "she-male" porn and prostitution where their penis is the last thing they want to lose, I know T-girls who dance up and down on their Myspace pages saying "I'm a TS!!!!" as if this is a status symbol, and these girls that have spent 10+ years hooking and hanging in the same gay bars have no real intention of actually transition and seem to plan on porn and hooking until they are age 80 (get real). The concept of SRS is rarely discussed and few of these girls have even heard of the standards of care or understand the proper way to transition nor do they care.
I am constantly being told I need more makeup, more jewelry, sexier clothes. I need hormones, a BA, and to get a sugar daddy. Again, not a word about SRS and not a word about anything logical or sensible. There is a reason for this. Go back to the three realities. TG people are coming out now like the gays did years ago. There was a time when a black person was seen as a big lipped person who spoke ebonics and ate fried chicken. Then a time when gays were ridiculously effeminite men who danced around with flowers in a pride parade. When people start coming out they get exposure in the media. This is good and bad. Good in that they are starting to get attention, bad in that they are getting the wrong attention. A black person is someone who gets up and goes to work in the morning, a gay person is someone who gets up and goes to work int he morning, a transsexual is someone who gets up and goes to work in the morning. Get my point? These stereotypes are not only coming from the media but from loud mouths within the group themselves that are trying to live up to the "reality TV" image which is not reality.
Yes gay bars are good training grounds but when you look at the horrible misconceptions that are promoted there by people claiming to be TS themselves but who are literally interested in nothing more than a life of prostitution, porn, and finding sugar daddies with no sensible transition goals in mind, it sets an extremely dangerous environment for an actual TS who is trying to understand herself. While I do shy away normally from accusing someone of being something they are not, it is relevant to point out that there are a lot of fake people out there. They may be intentionally fake or they simply don't understand themselves.
I'm still learning myself. This is what I have learned in my journey of self discovery: Say I'm sitting in a gay bar wearing jeans and a top and a small bit of makeup and only barely passing enjoying a drink with friends and minding my own business. When someone I don't know walks up to me and says "I'm a TS, I can help you" and then starts giving me unsolicited advice on fixing my hair, needing more makeup, and asked "when I'm getting a BA or hormones" is to take their advice and flush it down the toilet. Not everyone is the same nor should they be including TSs. That is why when someone gives you advice where you never asked for it or if the advice puts you out of your comfort zone you should severely scrutinize such advice and consider dismissing it altogether. Professionals are not exempt from this either. There are a ton of therapists and psychiatrists who give TSs horrible advice. This is why I'm ranting. There are too many people out there "meaning" to do well for us, claiming to be survivors and livable examples, when a lot of it is utter nonsense and lies. Thanks for listening.
