Corrupt-A-Wish

[Dante]

Granted. But instead of having the ability to hold them in, you have the ability to suck them back in once you fart, like Peter in Family Guy. 

I wish I could see Seattle.

[some ftm guy]

granted! you now see Seattle all the time double-visioned next to everything else you see all day or night.

i wish i had a car

[xAndrewx]

Granted you have a car that does not work and just sits outside collecting rust

I wish I had the money to see my doctor

[E]

Granted you have a car that does not work and just sits outside collecting rust

I wish I had the money to see my doctor

Granted, but you still don't get to talk to him.

I wish my sleep schedule would adhere to society's.

[some ftm guy]

granted but now society is 3rd shift and only functions at night and you still aren't awake at the right time period.

i wish i knew how me and this woman I'm dating will turn out, whether she'll some day want a relationship with me or with someone else or will just never get over her issue.

[justmeinoz]

Granted. You now know that you will marry, and then her 47 member extended family will move in with you.

I wish I had another slice of Chocolate Bavarian.

[LordKAT]

Granted, another slice,...and another...and another ....until end of time. You will be wider than the globe and eating another...


I wish for more time with my kids and grand kids.

[A]

Granted. You are all kidnapped and imprisoned together in a small basement for years.

I wish my otitis would go away faster.

[LordKAT]

granted : Total ear removal is covered by insurance even, unfortunately it means you are deaf too.

i wish for a small planet sized basement, ( see former wish)

[Cruelladeville]

Granted: But to get you there NASA have placed you into deep stasis..... and its 25,500 light years away.... what a way to dream though?

i wish for all the peoples of the world to live in harmony and adore fluffy kittens.....eerrgh, bitch-slap to head.... no I don't....

I wish all those on Susan's a very merriment coming Xmas/winter holiday period.... yep that's defo better

[Lee]

We all have the best end-of-the-year ever, but next year....is fantastic too.  (I just don't have the heard to ruin it. )

I wish I will never have another period.

[A]

Granted. You are struck by lightning when you go out and your uterus is destroyed. Unfortunately, so are your kidneys and liver, so you will never leave a hospital room, either.

I wish my co-tenant didn't tell me "I don't give a damn" when I tell her I disagree her taking speed in our apartment.

[Dante]

Granted, she now gives a damn, but you're the one taking speed.

I wish it was winter break already! I can't take this anymore! 

[Glenn]

Granted, but it's snowing in florida and people are ice skating on the beach.

I wish I could reverse time and start young again.

[justmeinoz]

Granted.  You won't make the same mistakes you made last time, you will make different ones.

I wish my ride-on lawnmower wasn't broken.

[A]

Granted. Your garage door is broken, instead, so you still cannot mow your lawn.

I wish a check I do not remember making did not put my bank account in the minus this weekend.

[some ftm guy]

granted, you now have millions and endless amounts of people are asking you for money round the clock

i wish i had called and started drivers training and called and got an appointment with a gender therapist days no weeks ago. no years ago would have been better.

[A]

Granted. You have called years ago to start training to become a gender therapist and had some pretty deep discussions with a driving instructor. Wait, what ? That's what happens when you do things too fast !

I wish they made an hypocaloric thing that tastes good, fills well and that I am not allergic to.

[glendagladwitch]

Granted.  You are now a rabbit.  Lettuce tastes delicious!

I wish to wake up tomorrow and, when I step on the scale, realize that I have precisely achieved my weight loss goal.

[A]

Granted. You have lost an arm to a maniac overnight. Your weight is perfect, now, though.

I wish people realized my avatar is a drawing made with lipstick, not blood, in the caption thread.