Lainey:
The thing about being transsexual and transitioning is that it is not only a transition for you, but everyone around you as well. But while you have had your entire life to come to terms with this, to others, especially those closest to you, they may feel blindsided and betrayed. After all, you may have not discussed this with your spouse before you married her. You may not have even accepted yourself as a trans person at that time and were in deep denial. So others may feel that you were lying to them and in fact you were lying to yourself as well.
Goddess/God/Supreme Being/That Which Passeth All Understanding knows you no matter what clothes you wear, what color of your skin, what body your soul enveloped in. Few can carry the blessing that we have and we are stronger for it. You have taken a courageous step in coming out to help educate others. This is so very helpful, and thank you for that.
So many of us feel isolated, that we are alone, that we are somehow unique and perverted. The more that others see that this is simply a trick of fate, a birth defect and nothing more, the more it will be accepted as such.
I'm sorry that your spouse has these feelings, but this transition takes time to accept. If she is reading these words, please know that I hope that she can come to understanding that this is not done for a lark, or any sort of titillation or gratification.
It is not a choice. Really, who would CHOOSE to be rejected, abandoned, abused physically and emotionally by our closest loved ones? Who would CHOOSE to be beaten, tortured or murdered? This is not something that can be cured by drugs or scripture. This is not something that gets better. It can be suppressed, sometimes for decades, but it will return. It will get worse. And it will kill. The clinical deep depression that surrounds GID is a spiral down that has no exit. Most of us actively contemplate suicide on a regular basis. Many of us attempt it. Some of us succeed. We don't really know how many because so few statistics are compiled regarding GID and suicide.
I know too, that most spouses and family can have a very difficult time accepting GID. For the most part, most trans people are so good at hiding that most family member have no idea that they have this blessing-inside-a-curse. And most, if not all, feel betrayed. It is an unfortunate statistic that many partnerships dissolve because of this. If the relationship can survive, then it should truly be treasured. If you and your spouse can work through this, there can be compromise on both sides. But while you can compromise on timeframes, you cannot compromise on goals. It will take work and counselling on both your parts. If you are in therapy, perhaps you can have your spouse go as well for some family counselling as well.
Lainey, this process becomes public sooner or later. Being Democrat, Republican, Christian, or Jewish, have something in common in that it doesn't show unless you decide tell someone. Being trans shows. It becomes apparent, it becomes manifest as we proceed. And that is when we become most vulnerable. I hope that you can have strength during this time.
-Sandy
