I am so angry at the mental health system

[spacial]

Relax pet.

They're running scared but want to walk away with their dignity intact.

Getting your own lawyer probably shook them a wee bit.

[miniangel]

make sure you let the court know how lax the social workers were and how everyone says you're a good parent.

are there any birth follow ups clinics etc that you and the baby can go to so that you have some evidence that the baby is thriving and you are happy? 

anything like this carries weight in court.

That's very good advice. Murphy's Law states that if and when the social worker turns up at long last, it will be the morning you haven't slept all night, the dirty nappies haven't been ditched, Arisa is tired and screamy, the dishes are still not washed, etc. etc. In other words, a very common day in the life of any young parent. So the more evidence you can gather from reliable, independent sources, the better chance you have of countering any "negativity" they may throw at you. Infant welfare sisters ( or your local equivalent) are no fools - they know when a baby is healthy, happy, thriving and loved, even when the parent is looking like something the cat dragged in, due to chronic fatigue, hormonal havoc, and all the other delights of parenthood. And the slacker they are in bringing this case to its proper conclusion, the better it is for you, despite the anxiety you must be feeling. Every day is an opportunity to build on that bond and show you have the right stuff.

And I agree with what Spacial said above - you are showing in all the right ways that you will not be pushed around and, frankly, I think they'll be glad to draw a line under your "case".

Enjoy Arisa, despite all these distractions - those tiny babies grow at an extraordinary rate.

[Jeatyn]

I also have my midwife/health visitor, lawyer, and childrens guardian (Arisa's representative in court) popping over to see me and they are all writing reports. I tried to go to some sure start classes like baby massage and stuff like that but they don't like to take you on until the baby is at least 6 weeks old so I have to wait.

The social worker finally came round yesterday, she didn't seem to know what to say. The place was imaculate, Arisa was mid feed and all happy, my cats behaved beautifully for once

I've also decided to breast feed her, she likes it, and it massively helps my case. Clearly I'm not freaking out about my female-ness if I'm willing to breastfeed, so I knocked that right out of the case.

She seems to finally be realising she has no grounds for this ridiculousness. Before Arisa was born she made it quite clear they intended to be up in my grill for a LONG time....yesterday there was talk of getting the surveillance reduced, and being removed completely after a few weeks if all goes well. Fingers crossed.

[SnailPace]

Oh my god! That is such good news!

And really, breastfeeding is not so bad.  I only get annoyed a bit now because my son is older than one and he still won't stop!  It's the only thing keeping me from T.

I've got my fingers majorly crossed for you!

[Jeatyn]

I prefer breastfeeding to bottle feeding because its a hands free operation  just prop her on a pillow in my lap and shes sorted, so i can type or eat or be on the phone. any opportunity to multi-task has to be exploited 

[Janet_Girl]

Breast feeding also can help parent and child to bond even more.  I am so glad that they might be backing off.  They have no business being in your business.

Glad to hear that our niece is fat, sassy and happy.

Huggles to both of you.

[Sarah B]

Hi Jeatyn

Its, so good to hear that everything is going great.  Thank you for keeping us up to date.

Love and hugs
Sarah B

[Al James]

Fingers crossed - tho it makes it difficult to type- that things are finally looking up. I really really hope that this is the end of their stupidness and you finally get given the chance to just be yourself with your beautiful daughter

[lilacwoman]

point out to social worker idiot that neither Elton John or his partner can breastfeed and would be seen as seriously sick if either of them tried it.
No better not, that logic would be seen as homophobic and therefore your parenting ability suspect.

[spacial]

I prefer breastfeeding to bottle feeding because its a hands free operation  just prop her on a pillow in my lap and shes sorted, so i can type or eat or be on the phone. any opportunity to multi-task has to be exploited 

I want to say, this is such an intelegent decision on your part, for so many reasons.

First and foremost, and I'm pretty sure your primary, is it's best for the baby. I don't want to, nor would I, make any suggestion to someone who chose otherwise. But as an intelgent guy, I'm sure you know what a wonderful and absolutely perfect decision this is.

While others are secondary, a long way down, they are never-the-less, equally important.

I really hope you can start to put the nastyness behind you.

If it's any consolation, social work departments habitually, have case reviews. When they review your case, lessons will be learnt. That I do know. The next person in your situation should have fewer problems as a result.

Take care. And if you don't mind, but only when you're ready, huggs to your baby.

[miniangel]

It's all great news, but don't let your guard down until you're sure you've seen the back of this woman officially. Reports are good - make sure your visitors document everything, just in case. I'm so pleased you've decided to breastfeed. It's a smack in the eye for the social worker, it's best for Arisa, and you can do it at night without getting out of bed (or even waking up properly  ).

[Jeatyn]

It's all great news, but don't let your guard down until you're sure you've seen the back of this woman officially. Reports are good - make sure your visitors document everything, just in case. I'm so pleased you've decided to breastfeed. It's a smack in the eye for the social worker, it's best for Arisa, and you can do it at night without getting out of bed (or even waking up properly  ).

unfortunately my agreement states im never allowed to be alone with her she's in a moses basket in the living room with my sister for sleepy times while I'm in my room

[CaitJ]

and would be seen as seriously sick if either of them tried it.

Why?

[Lee]

It's so nice to finally hear some good news about this.  It's easy for them to speculate about what kind of a parent someone will be, but now that she's with you, there's proof that they're just full of it.  I can't wait to hear that they've stopped this stupidity completely.

[Nemo]

That's great to hear, and props to you for breastfeeding her. With any luck that daft agreement will be lifted soon enough and you can finally live a relatively normal life with your daughter

[Chastance]

Why?

Pre-conceived and deeply held gender boundaries. Nothing wrong with or stopping cis/trans men breastfeeding, it just unsettles the 'but..but teh womens do that baby stuff' majority mindset.

[cynthialee]

google... men breastfeeding
you might be surprised

[CaitJ]

Pre-conceived and deeply held gender boundaries. Nothing wrong with or stopping cis/trans men breastfeeding, it just unsettles the 'but..but teh womens do that baby stuff' majority mindset.

I find pedophilia and rape 'seriously sick', but men breastfeeding? Odd maybe, but not 'seriously sick'.

[Chastance]

I find pedophilia and rape 'seriously sick', but men breastfeeding? Odd maybe, but not 'seriously sick'.

Then you're a step in the right direction. Breastfeeding is hard, let the men pick up the slack (just shave the hairy chest first).

[Jeatyn]

Just got out of court again

The social are not backing down at all, even though Arisa is 3 weeks old and I've been nothing but perfect they still aren't satisfied.

They wanted the 24/7 surveillance to carry on for a further 6 weeks, we basically told them to do one, so they are issuing care proceedings again. We contested, obviously....and we're back in court on Monday.

Hilariously enough, they are going to pay for me to go to charring cross to see James Barrett for a full assessment. Over two years I've tried to get this, and now they hope it might work in their favour (if he reckons I'm nuts, which he won't) they are all for handing over a couple of grand to get me in ASAP and even pay for my travel expenses.

For now, the 24 hour surveillance carries on and we have to see what happens in court.

Sick of this man, they just delay everything constantly, what do they want from me exactly? Apart from my baby -_-