Is this "life" even worth it?

[spacial]

Hi Britney.

Like others, really sorry to hear of you situation.

You know what? When I was in a similar position I figured that if they weren't going to support me, I'd just have to continue with out them.

If I could get anything from them, then I'd take it. But I knew I wasn't going to get emotional support, even friendship, so I didn't bother looking for it.

Take what you can from them, while it's still there.

Frankly, what they want is to micromanage your life. They don't have any right to do that.

We need to show them honour, for our own sake. But anything else, they have already thrown away.

If the situation breaks down, then you can think about getting out of there. But in the short term, take what you can.

[TheOtherSide]

I've been on testosterone for 9 nine months and I live with a mother who doesn't support me. She (like your dad) supports me with everything else but not this. I go through phases of feeling like all of these things don't matter because I want to be loved for who I am more than given things and then I go through phases of thinking, "I'll take all that she can give because she can't give me love." Ultimately, you have to realize that transition is what makes you want to live so no matter what your parents say, you are going to be you. It's not easy living with someone who doesn't support me but it IS possible. My mom has changed for the better since the beginning of my transition but she still calls me by my birth name and uses female pronouns. Transitioning can be the loneliest thing, sometimes, but I think that's what makes a lot of trans people strong.  Keep transitioning fro yourself no matter who does or does not support you.

[Britney♥Bieber]

Some very wonderful comments have been made here, and I would like to add by saying,

Yes, life is so very worth it!! And you being around is really making the whole world a better place, even if others are causing you to feel self doubt and have started the wheels to turning to make you feel that you don't count for anything.

You have so much to give to this world and don't even realize it. Give yourself a break, your only human and your not alone either, you have many sisters here in your corner. Ok, lets see, lets start by making a list of all the things that make you that special girl that you really are.

your very beautiful, really pretty.
your young, you have your whole life ahead of you.
your very tender hearted and sincere about what you feel and care of others feelings too.
your very smart, and you already know what you want from life and have goals, many people don't even know what they really want until its to late.
all things point to, that your a classy lady.

Start making plans now for what you want to do and where you want to be 5, 10 and 20 years from now, write it all down and make your plans, look at them everyday, short and long term plans. Educate yourself so you can make a good income, because let me tell you girl , living well is the best revenge and a good education will give you the tools you need to survive and make your plans come to be. 

Involve yourself in charity's and become a volunteer, you will be amazed how rewarding it is to be able to help others.

Remember that you are just a valuable as anyone, and that this situation with your parents is only temporary. Respect them and be kind to them, tell them how much you love them too, help them when they need it, but also remind them that you where born this way, there are many like you, and since you respect them, could they give your feelings the same respect, is that to much to ask.

I hope this helps, cheer up, your really awesome !!

Suzy

Thanks so much Suzy! I'm almost in tears, in a good way. This really meant a lot to me. And I found a program for vet assistant that takes like a month. I'm gonna talk to my dad about that because it IS like 2000 dollars but hey I could pay it back soon haha.

It's a hard decision to make to actually transition and it's equally hard for your parents. Even the most liberal and open-minded parents feel something when their little girl or little boy they raised tells them that they're the wrong sex. Parents can think it's maybe something they did or didn't do .... or worse - they could be the types that think being transsexual goes against their religion or any number of things. A parent could have long held prejudices against these types of things that even a love for their own flesh and blood can't overcome sometimes - sometimes they can with time. Some parents have spent decades dealing with their offspring one way and overnight are expected to just accept and be okay and use the proper pronouns, etc.

I'm certainly not "sticking up" for the behavior of a parent because I do believe in unconditional love when it comes to your own kids but it doesn't work that way unfortunately for everyone. The important point I want to make is it's no fault of yours. If you are doing what you feel is correct and comfortable for your own self, you are better off than doing nothing and wanting to die.

And yes, female hormones can make you totally "emo"! So that's another factor that's not really your fault. All you can do is stay on the path that feels right and use your support network here or if you have close friends that are supporting you. Cling to the things that make you feel better in general and about yourself. You are really beautiful on the outside and I'm sure you are in the inside as well. Just hang in there

Thanks!! I agree but it just makes is really hard when they don't support me and don't even want to talk to me. It makes me feel like crap, but they've always been this way. Unless they had something to tell us, usually clean up etc, they never spend much time talking.

Worth what?

There's not much of anything worth much in this world.  Relatively, life comes off as something fairly decent.  I guess the answer to the question depends on what measure you are using.

Last night when I posted this I was questioning my transition, because I feel I will be able to make my parents happy if I transition. Do I stay a miserable boy if they're happy or a miserable girl with no parents? But I think whenever I can move out I will be a lot happier.

Hey Britney....

Yer not alone as such in the ethereal sense.... as many of us (here) have been in the exact same spot you be.... or think yourself to be right now.

(And we all have black moments in the darkside still, no matter how outwardly successful we might seem)

And when yer a youngster and reliant on family for shelter/survival.... then it's an uber-bummer if they be the type of parents that simply can't deal with your dysphoria..... again this is a very common deal.

My relationship with my Ma (still living) is appalling as she's an avid religious nut.... and has always blamed my now long dead Pa for my condition...

Fortunately I've never, ever had to rely on her for anything emotional, financial or otherwise.... and she's not the kind of person you'd want turning up at your hospital bedside bible clutching either.....lol

Saying prayers for someone (nice idea) but for me hands on practical help wins hands-down every time.... which is why my surgery buddy will be with me in two weeks time.

So do get out more physically Britney, and build a real-life not (online) buddy network....

You have many things going for you (yer good-looking lol) and being on HRT now is more likely to see you getting emotional for sure... but try to keep focused on what is working for you rather than what is not.

And stick with improving things in little ways for yourself that you do have full-control over, and slowly you will get to where you need to be.

Its taken me twenty years to reach a time/place where I can concentrate on some second stage makeovers.... and tis been a v.hard slog to get here....

But one thing about many TG folk I've come to realise is our unswerving spirit to make it through against all the odds....and to overcome the many difficulties.

(Sisters do keep doing it for themselves for sure)

So hold that thought, grit yer teeth girlie..... and make sure you get a good nights sleep as oft you can.... and look to tomorrow to be a brighter better day....

Take care....

I'm trying to make friends in real life, something I've wanted since before transition. I've never had many just a few close ones. But Idk how to meet any, trans or cis. I did meet some trans ppl who are great in this support group...but they were all 30+.

Brit

Look you have it tough now, there is no doubting that! I really feel for you, but when you are in a dark tunnle the only thing to do is walk towards the light! (and hope that it isn't an oncoming train )

The tunnel might be a long one. It may take you some time to reach the end, but one day you will look back, the transition will be done, the HRT will be done, the SRS will be done and hopefully you won't be living with mum and dad.

Then things will be better. In the meantime as others have said what you need to know is that you are not alone, because there are thousands of others who have walked the same road. All of them do eventually make it out, as long as they don't give up, and so will you!

Thanks a lot Jenny. That did make me giggle I know I will get there one day. Last night was just omg...I had no one to talk to and had to get it out. =/

Britney, I know it is tough right now, but at least both your parents are still supportive of you. They may not support your transitioning, but give it time. It could change in a few years. I dont think you should dwell on this, this should be a fun time in your life. Just concentrate on your transition for now, and things will work themselves out. Love you Brit !!

I'm trying! I'm done caring about my parents and what they think though. If they won't even TRY to talk to me, or even listen when I tried to tell them how much pain I felt being a boy. They won't even try, so as soon as I move out I'm gone. I think i'll be a lot happier. Thanks sis Love you too

Hi Britney.

Like others, really sorry to hear of you situation.

You know what? When I was in a similar position I figured that if they weren't going to support me, I'd just have to continue with out them.

If I could get anything from them, then I'd take it. But I knew I wasn't going to get emotional support, even friendship, so I didn't bother looking for it.

Take what you can from them, while it's still there.

Frankly, what they want is to micromanage your life. They don't have any right to do that.

We need to show them honour, for our own sake. But anything else, they have already thrown away.

If the situation breaks down, then you can think about getting out of there. But in the short term, take what you can.

Yeah. And I was even trying to slow down, because my dad didn't want me rushing. But I'm not going to respect them anymore, not in the sense where they have input. So I'm saving up to change my name starting today.

I've been on testosterone for 9 nine months and I live with a mother who doesn't support me. She (like your dad) supports me with everything else but not this. I go through phases of feeling like all of these things don't matter because I want to be loved for who I am more than given things and then I go through phases of thinking, "I'll take all that she can give because she can't give me love." Ultimately, you have to realize that transition is what makes you want to live so no matter what your parents say, you are going to be you. It's not easy living with someone who doesn't support me but it IS possible. My mom has changed for the better since the beginning of my transition but she still calls me by my birth name and uses female pronouns. Transitioning can be the loneliest thing, sometimes, but I think that's what makes a lot of trans people strong.  Keep transitioning fro yourself no matter who does or does not support you.

You're right. I'm sorry she calls you the wrong name too. I finally got the guts to ask my sisters last night to start calling me Britney and they're going to try. I wasn't asking them, to make my parents more comfortable but screw it. Its what I'm comfortable with and with the opposite, I'm more than uncomfortable.

[JohnR]

Stick around, I like your face 

[Britney♥Bieber]

Stick around, I like your face 

Aww thanks bb.

[Squirrel698]

You are a sweet, generous, caring and beautiful woman that is currently stuck in a toxic environment which is draining you.  I hate to see that happen because you have so much to offer both this site and the world itself.  Amazing things are going to happen for you, you just need to get over this hump and then you'll have a clear path out in front of you.

I really hope you find a way to break free of those who do not support you.  Despite what they may say it seems to me they are only supportive of their idea of you.  You don't need their approval to be happy.  There are plenty of people who would be thrilled to have someone like you in their lives.  Those who love you for who you really are is a better family than your biological one could ever be.

Best of luck and please stick around.  Seeing your smiling face in your avatar makes me happy inside.

[Britney♥Bieber]

You are a sweet, generous, caring and beautiful woman that is currently stuck in a toxic environment which is draining you.  I hate to see that happen because you have so much to offer both this site and the world itself.  Amazing things are going to happen for you, you just need to get over this hump and then you'll have a clear path out in front of you.

I really hope you find a way to break free of those who do not support you.  Despite what they may say it seems to me they are only supportive of their idea of you.  You don't need their approval to be happy.  There are plenty of people who would be thrilled to have someone like you in their lives.  Those who love you for who you really are is a better family than your biological one could ever be.

Best of luck and please stick around.  Seeing your smiling face in your avatar makes me happy inside.

Thank you so much! You guys here mean the world to me and I could never bring myself to leave, even if in some alternate universe I didn't transition lol. One day in the somewhat distant future I'll post "HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE, I'M MOVING OUT" lol.

[azSam]

Sorry I didn't get in on this sooner.

Everyone has said some great things so I'll keep it simple.

*HUGS*, We all love you, Britney!

[Mrs Erocse]

Britney you are such a lovely girl and bring smiles and good cheer to so many here on Susan's. We are sorry you are having to struggle and are feeling down right now. Sometimes I cannot figure out how family can cut us up to ribbons with thier lack of compassion and support. But they do.  I find solace when I read all of the kind support here on Susan's. Yet still the negativity will buzz around in my head anyways. I wish I knew of a cure. We do think very highly of you and wish you wonderful times.

Physically you are very pretty. I do not see any masculine traits about you at all.

Roxy and I are thinking about you and sending you our very best wishes for more positive times.

Many, many many big Hugs.
Patty

[Britney♥Bieber]

Sorry I didn't get in on this sooner.

Everyone has said some great things so I'll keep it simple.

*HUGS*, We all love you, Britney!

Thanks Sam <3

Britney you are such a lovely girl and bring smiles and good cheer to so many here on Susan's. We are sorry you are having to struggle and are feeling down right now. Sometimes I cannot figure out how family can cut us up to ribbons with thier lack of compassion and support. But they do.  I find solace when I read all of the kind support here on Susan's. Yet still the negativity will buzz around in my head anyways. I wish I knew of a cure. We do think very highly of you and wish you wonderful times.

Physically you are very pretty. I do not see any masculine traits about you at all.

Roxy and I are thinking about you and sending you our very best wishes for more positive times.

Many, many many big Hugs.
Patty

Thanks Patty. When I saw you're name on this thread, I knew I was in for a smile!

[Izumi]

Transition is no joke, if you care about anything externally , your friends, your career, your family, heck even your life, and put it at a greater importance then transitioning, you shouldnt transition.   Because people can and have lost all those things in this process and if your not willing to make those sacrifices (some may happen some may not) then you need more therapy to make sure this is what you want.

For me the decision was simple.. if i die i lose all those things anyway, so i will transition and hope i keep some, at least i will fix myself in the process so that i can enjoy life.

In my case it was worth the gamble.  I turned my whole life around into something enjoyable, and am even engaged to a guy that didnt know I was TS. 

This is a tough road, its hard, its depressing, its painful, and the results are not guaranteed.  However, typically you get out what you put in.  Parental support is great and all but sometimes you have to grow up and do things on your own, at least when its all over, you will be stronger person, and i mean super strong, the world seems a little easier after you go through the struggles of changing you sex.

I hope that you dont take your life, because truly the grass greener on this side.

[Rock_chick]

Hey Brit

Of course it's worth it, lack of acceptance from family hurts, but never ever think you should apologise for being you. You're you and that is flipping awesome, if your parental units can't see that then that's their issue not yours. I really feel for you with being stuck at home...you have to face them every day, but you know what, be yourself, don't feel guilty and show them every day that this is who you are because you do not need to apologise for that.

Now I want you to smile that winning smile of yours, look at yourself in the mirror, see you and not that construct that went by the name of  Michael and tell yourself that it is worth it and it will get better. If you don't then Auntie Helena will have no choice but to rob a post office, get on a plane to the other side of a pond and give you a hug...hopefully before the fuzz arrive and throw me in a cell somewhere 

[Britney♥Bieber]

Transition is no joke, if you care about anything externally , your friends, your career, your family, heck even your life, and put it at a greater importance then transitioning, you shouldnt transition.   Because people can and have lost all those things in this process and if your not willing to make those sacrifices (some may happen some may not) then you need more therapy to make sure this is what you want.

For me the decision was simple.. if i die i lose all those things anyway, so i will transition and hope i keep some, at least i will fix myself in the process so that i can enjoy life.

In my case it was worth the gamble.  I turned my whole life around into something enjoyable, and am even engaged to a guy that didnt know I was TS. 

This is a tough road, its hard, its depressing, its painful, and the results are not guaranteed.  However, typically you get out what you put in.  Parental support is great and all but sometimes you have to grow up and do things on your own, at least when its all over, you will be stronger person, and i mean super strong, the world seems a little easier after you go through the struggles of changing you sex.

I hope that you dont take your life, because truly the grass greener on this side.

I would never take my life. And I too will risk everything for transition because I would rather be a woman with nothing than a man with everything. I was never happy with myself as a boy, and even though I'm not physically a girl by much standars, I already feel a lot happier and less depressed. Last night really threw me for a tough loop.

Hey Brit

Of course it's worth it, lack of acceptance from family hurts, but never ever think you should apologise for being you. You're you and that is flipping awesome, if your parental units can't see that then that's their issue not yours. I really feel for you with being stuck at home...you have to face them every day, but you know what, be yourself, don't feel guilty and show them every day that this is who you are because you do not need to apologise for that.

Now I want you to smile that winning smile of yours, look at yourself in the mirror, see you and not that construct that went by the name of  Michael and tell yourself that it is worth it and it will get better. If you don't then Auntie Helena will have no choice but to rob a post office, get on a plane to the other side of a pond and give you a hug...hopefully before the fuzz arrive and throw me in a cell somewhere 

Aww thanks Helena, I could definitely use that hug. That's one thing Susan's can't provide me with is real hugs. Which I rarely get but often need. You're right though, I can't let them make me feel bad for who I am. I'll try not too.

[Morgan]

I would like to echo everything everyone has said here so far <3 We love you Britbrit, you're amazing and gorgeous and sweet! You're an inspiration, you truly are. Things will work out eventually, but until then, keep strong, and keep smiling because you have a beautiful smile! I wish I could say more but you get the gist of it from what everyone has said. Yes life is worth it, because life is what you make it!

Here. Have surprised kitty. Girls love kittens, right?  Cheer up

[Suzy Johnson]

Thank you so much! You guys here mean the world to me and I could never bring myself to leave, even if in some alternate universe I didn't transition lol. One day in the somewhat distant future I'll post "HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE, I'M MOVING OUT" lol.

Now thats the spirit, thats what I'm talking about!

[ToriJo]

I'm sorry you are going through hell right now.  Like others have said, you *will* move out.  It *will* be a wonderful time in your life!  (It was the best day in my life, other than my wedding - I suspect your life will be similar)  You already are beautiful - but I know the depression makes it hard to believe.  But you are!  I'm sorry your parents don't yet recognize how beautiful their daughter is.  I hope they come around soon, as they are missing out.

I'm glad I didn't listen to the depression when I was younger.  It told me that I would *always* be lonely, isolated, excluded, etc.  That wasn't true.  That was the lie of depression.  Depression doesn't want you to see a better tomorrow - it wants you to think that today is permanent.  It's not.

The only advice I can give is to keep any hope alive that you can.  Find reasons to keep going, not just long-term (like "I'll move out" and "It's going to be a beautiful wedding!"), but also short term.  The short term ones don't have to be "big" or things that others will think are important.  For me, it was things like wanting to watch the next Star Trek episode that night or eating a good meal.  These things might sound stupid, but having *anything* to look forward to, even a little bit - just something that I wanted to do before I died - kept me alive.  Hope is the enemy of depression.  Even when that hope is watching a corny TV show, it's worth more than anything.

I'm glad I made it through it.  It was the most courageous thing I've ever had to do - it's courageous because you can't see what will happen, but you go forward anyhow.  You're obviously very courageous.  Not only because you've made it thus far, but also because you've come here and shared your heart.  Sharing takes a lot of courage.

I'll also say that you will have empathy, compassion, and respect for people - because you've personally seen how easy it is for people to harm someone else.  Having personally come out the other side of depression, and seen what life can be, I know I wouldn't want to trade my wounded heart for one of stone.  We have a very important message for the world, and we're very much needed in the world.

[Kaelleria]

It takes time... You have come to this decision over the course of many years. Your parents  just found out. Every one of there hopes and dreams for you is being threatened, at least in their mind.  They just want whats best for you and want you to be happy... Transition is a very rocky road that not everyone makes it through. They're just afraid for you and are in denial. It took my parents about 4 years to get out of this stage, but it can happen.

One thing that might help is to make yourself successful in other aspects of life (school, socially, physically). Things were a lot easier to stomach when it seems like you're going some where in life.

[Britney♥Bieber]

Now thats the spirit, thats what I'm talking about!

I'm sorry you are going through hell right now.  Like others have said, you *will* move out.  It *will* be a wonderful time in your life!  (It was the best day in my life, other than my wedding - I suspect your life will be similar)  You already are beautiful - but I know the depression makes it hard to believe.  But you are!  I'm sorry your parents don't yet recognize how beautiful their daughter is.  I hope they come around soon, as they are missing out.

I'm glad I didn't listen to the depression when I was younger.  It told me that I would *always* be lonely, isolated, excluded, etc.  That wasn't true.  That was the lie of depression.  Depression doesn't want you to see a better tomorrow - it wants you to think that today is permanent.  It's not.

The only advice I can give is to keep any hope alive that you can.  Find reasons to keep going, not just long-term (like "I'll move out" and "It's going to be a beautiful wedding!"), but also short term.  The short term ones don't have to be "big" or things that others will think are important.  For me, it was things like wanting to watch the next Star Trek episode that night or eating a good meal.  These things might sound stupid, but having *anything* to look forward to, even a little bit - just something that I wanted to do before I died - kept me alive.  Hope is the enemy of depression.  Even when that hope is watching a corny TV show, it's worth more than anything.

I'm glad I made it through it.  It was the most courageous thing I've ever had to do - it's courageous because you can't see what will happen, but you go forward anyhow.  You're obviously very courageous.  Not only because you've made it thus far, but also because you've come here and shared your heart.  Sharing takes a lot of courage.

I'll also say that you will have empathy, compassion, and respect for people - because you've personally seen how easy it is for people to harm someone else.  Having personally come out the other side of depression, and seen what life can be, I know I wouldn't want to trade my wounded heart for one of stone.  We have a very important message for the world, and we're very much needed in the world.

Thanks Slanan. You're right, I wouldn't trade my wounded heart either.

It takes time... You have come to this decision over the course of many years. Your parents  just found out. Every one of there hopes and dreams for you is being threatened, at least in their mind.  They just want whats best for you and want you to be happy... Transition is a very rocky road that not everyone makes it through. They're just afraid for you and are in denial. It took my parents about 4 years to get out of this stage, but it can happen.

One thing that might help is to make yourself successful in other aspects of life (school, socially, physically). Things were a lot easier to stomach when it seems like you're going some where in life.

Yeah I am looking into school. Just need to talk to my dad about paying for a course. If it's not full lol. =/

[Ruby]

Hi Britney,
I'm new here, but I've been around the TG community here in Seattle for about 2 years and have known about my partner for all of our 21 years together. I'm a mom too. Although I am very supportive of my MTF wife, Chelsea, I was not always so. I remember when she used to talk about her feelings of wanting to be a woman, it would make me feel very uncomfortable. I would always listen politely for just a bit and then change the subject. It was a feeling in me that must have been fear, but it made me feel literally kind of sick. You should realize that your parents probably feel something like that themselves when you talk about your transition. It does NOT mean that they don't love you; it means they don't know how to love you very well right now; they are in shock and paralyzed by their fear.

Have you tried giving them the book True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism for Family, Friends, Coworkers and Helping Professionals? When we came out to our parents, we gave them this book and eventually they actually read it and it helped. Of course, Chelsea's mom read it before her dad, but even her dad read it after a few months. Don't expect them to read it right away, but gently encourage them in order to increase their understanding and lessen their fear.

I understand what you mean when you say it hurts you physically inside and emotionally to hear them use your male name and pronouns. Chelsea experience this as well. I was pretty good about learning to use the correct pronouns, but I was willing and it still took time. She understood, but when I talked about her in the past, I used the male name and pronouns. She explained how much hearing them hurt her, so I even adjusted that. They will be able to make the adjustment eventually. They need to go through a grieving process. Even though they are gaining a daughter, they are losing a son, and they loved that son; some say they just loved the idea of their son, but really it is that and much more. They loved your face, your smell, your voice. All that is changing. Don't be afraid to let them grieve. They might not understand that they are grieving but that is what we experience. It passes. But not without going through the stages of grief including such nasty emotions as denial, anger, and sadness. It seems like they are living in denial right now. Don't get angry at them for their process. That's a lot to ask of yourself. But I know you are a strong and big hearted young woman. I can see it in your eyes. You have courage. You can do this.

I have one more bit of advice, if I may. Your parents are supporting your room and board needs right now, is that true? You don't pay rent or contribute to food? You will find that if you can express your gratitude to them for doing that for you, really and truly, they do not have to and if they did not love you, they wouldn't - then the expression of that gratitude will bring more goodness into your life. The more we focus on the things in our life that we are truly grateful for, the more we attract things into our lives to BE grateful for.

Oh, and work on your legal name change (if you haven't already). If your name is legally Britney, they will take you more seriously. This helped with Chelsea's parents, anyway.

Okay, that's a pretty long post. I hope you don't mind. You have a lot of friends here who love you. I hope you meet some others in the non-virtual world soon. You do truly deserve a wonderful life.
Love,
Ruby

[AmySmiles]

I'm coming into this really late, but I know just how you feel Britney, I really do.  I (thankfully) live apart from my parents, but they're just as unsupportive as yours are.  Based on the reactions I got when I came out to them (when I was going to tell them I was on hormones), I decided to not talk to them about anything transition-related after that first week.  I still visit them, and I would be amazed if they haven't noticed I'm changing, so I guess it's just that giant hot pink elephant in the middle of the room.  But you know what?  You gotta do what you gotta do.  The lack of support gets me really down sometimes, but I'm not living my life for my parents... or anyone else, for that matter.  And you're not either.

It's good that you have support otherwise - if you can keep paying for your transition yourself and they will help with your schooling, you honestly can't get much better than that.  I would certainly appreciate that for what it is and hope they come around eventually.  Hopefully once they see what a happy, beautiful girl you're becoming they will come around.

So, from one who has the same kind of thoughts regularly, *HUG.*  We all need support