Socail Anxiety and Trans

[brookes1992]

Hey
I was recently diagnoised with social anxiety disorder. As you might think it makes things alot harder, im trying to combat SAD aswell as try and work out who i am and i was just wondering if any one is a similar position.. Does anyone have any advice about social anxiety, im currently seeing a counsellor and i seem to be getting abit better at social situations but i need all the help i can get.

Also, im kind of at the stage where i really think i am FTM but am still not 100% sure, any one got any advice on things i could do,try etc, to maybe make things clearer.

Advice much appreciated.

[Robert Scott]

I know social anxiety has been discussed several times on this board.  It seems transgender & social anxiety have a connection.  I would be intereseted in studies about it personally.

However, I think if you think about it -- you have the wrong gender brain for the body you have ... which makes it hard to relate to the gender folks precieve you as ... which then means you feel uncomfortable or can't relate/understand a lot of stuff .. thus creating anxiety.  After many years of this anxiety it blooms into social anxiety b/c its socially that your gender identity becomes an issue.  I mean books have been created on how the male brain and the female brain operate differently.

[Mrs Erocse]

As Rob said that social anxiety seems to often come hand in hand with being transgender. Roxy my spouse is transgender. Until finally starting HRT and living in the gender role that she's most comfortable with, she had allot of social anxiety. We did not often go out or socialize. I spoke on her behalf most all of the time. To my surprise that has all changed now. It seems she is cured and much happier.

Hope that helps.
Wishing you the best.
Hugs.
Patty & Roxy.

[Jessica B]

      Rob,

      I'm not a provider by any reach but my comment would be that having social anxiety would be some what normal with anyone who is working though Gender Identity Disorder (GID) or as I have affectionately come to term it "family".  I'm still living in the Army!  In an all male barracks!  currently with little privacy save a room, communal showers ect, in a leadership role!!!  Some times it is very overwhelming and while I can't pretend to understand your exact set of conditions I can tell you that I manage it by knowing my kids (Soldiers) need me.  I protect and guide them and ensure their lives are as easy and safe as possible.  From your post I doubt your working to live and have society view you in the social and physical role you know you are ment to at this time which is just awkward (for anyone with our issues).  From the above I can tell you I know it is awkward!  Not to mention feeling alone, having very few people in this world understand just who you are or what you are feeling can leave an individual feeling extremely isolated (which is one of the reason public forums like this one are such wondrous resources for family ^_~)  Having anxiety I would submit and my doctor and therapist seem to agree is normal and expected in our situations, understanding that and then understanding that we must learn how to cope in a healthy manner means you can make a plan to handle the anxiety.  Once you have a plan you have a guide rail something you can hold onto, methods to hold onto and trust in...which for me at least makes me feel far more secure (maybe it is just an Army thing, but I'd give it a shot) and as I always tell my kids "hope is not a method". 

     Forgive me if this post is slightly broken I did not have time to proof it!

      If you would like some suggestions for coping methods, feel free to message me, I'm not a doctor but I would be delighted to help you if I am able to do so.

     Respectfully as always,
     -Violet

[Shang]

I've been diagnosed with SAD and I'm going to therapy to help overcome it, because my SAD stems from a traumatic event two weeks before I turned four.  I'm also on Prozac because it helps keep me calm enough to implement and use the strategies that my psychologist gives me to use so I can overcome the SAD (and the depression that stems from that also).

I would recommend talking to your therapist/psychologist/whatever to see what they can do to help you overcome the SAD, and to see if they can recommend anyone for GID.

[ClaireA]

I've been diagnosed with SAD and I'm going to therapy to help overcome it, because my SAD stems from a traumatic event two weeks before I turned four.  I'm also on Prozac because it helps keep me calm enough to implement and use the strategies that my psychologist gives me to use so I can overcome the SAD (and the depression that stems from that also).

This is actually a common thing among TG people from what I know. Many (certainly not all) people identifying as TG had a tramatic experience in early childhood - it was even something that my therapist asked about.

[Shang]

This is actually a common thing among TG people from what I know. Many (certainly not all) people identifying as TG had a tramatic experience in early childhood - it was even something that my therapist asked about.

Yeah, I gathered that from what I've read.   But this experience and my SAD have nothing to do with identifying as TG. 

[Alex201]

Yes...I have a slight case of social anxiety. I get nervous around people and I hate going out.

[Miniar]

I was diagnosed with social anxiety not long ago.
Therapist used the term "understandibly" in regards to it, have had one of those lives that are a "long story"..

I got an appointment tomorrow for participating in a social anxiety group therapy...

That's right... a Social Anxiety... Group!

I'm being twitchy already!

[spacial]

I don't mix either. But I see it as a consequence of our situation.

But I hope you will PM violet_camo #3. Sounds like some good quality help is on offer there.

[Lacey Lynne]

Yes...I have a slight case of social anxiety. I get nervous around people and I hate going out.

I can appreciate how you feel.  My case is a bit different than yours.  Rather than social anxiety, I have Asperger syndrome.  Believe me, it is MUCH worse than GID, and I've got both so I know what I'm talking about.  Aperger syndrome is a form of autism.  Aspies (people with Asperger syndrome) alienate people, and people in general greatly annoy aspies.  Aspies often end up divorced and friendless.  My story exactly.  Big, big bummer.  GID is a picnic by comparison.  Asperger syndrome is a hell you have to experience to believe. 

Imagine feeling totally and utterly alone in a crowd ... any crowd ... anywhere anytime ... every time.  Everybody else has friends.  Most of them have lovers.  As an aspie, you have neither and virtually no prospect of ever having friends or lovers.  Now, you're getting a glimpse of what it's like.   Google Asperger syndrome if you're interested.  Think you could handle it?  Think again.  It's a curse of profound proportions.  I'd give ANYTHING to NOT be an aspie. 

Believe me, I'd trade being an aspie in for social anxiety in a heartbeat.

   Lacey

[kyril]

I was diagnosed with social anxiety not long ago.
Therapist used the term "understandibly" in regards to it, have had one of those lives that are a "long story"..

I got an appointment tomorrow for participating in a social anxiety group therapy...

That's right... a Social Anxiety... Group!

I'm being twitchy already!

That has to be...interesting...

[LordKAT]

I can appreciate how you feel.  My case is a bit different than yours.  Rather than social anxiety, I have Asperger syndrome.  Believe me, it is MUCH worse than GID, and I've got both so I know what I'm talking about.  Aperger syndrome is a form of autism.  Aspies (people with Asperger syndrome) alienate people, and people in general greatly annoy aspies.  Aspies often end up divorced and friendless.  My story exactly.  Big, big bummer.  GID is a picnic by comparison.  Asperger syndrome is a hell you have to experience to believe. 

Imagine feeling totally and utterly alone in a crowd ... any crowd ... anywhere anytime ... every time.  Everybody else has friends.  Most of them have lovers.  As an aspie, you have neither and virtually no prospect of ever having friends or lovers.  Now, you're getting a glimpse of what it's like.   Google Asperger syndrome if you're interested.  Think you could handle it?  Think again.  It's a curse of profound proportions.  I'd give ANYTHING to NOT be an aspie. 

Believe me, I'd trade being an aspie in for social anxiety in a heartbeat.

   Lacey

You just described me to a T without the actual official label.

[Lacey Lynne]

You just described me to a T without the actual official label.

Bro, if this really DOES describe you to a T, then we are BOTH a couple of hurtin' puppies.  You KNOW what I'm talking about, don't you?  Ain't it The Bummer of All Bummers?  When you try to describe it to anybody, nobody believes you.  We're in a quandry, man.  If you figure out anything to make it better, PLEASE tell me.  Thanks.

   Lacey

[Kendall]

I have a different experience, but I think your post, Brooke, puts a new spin on it.

I have always been fine getting up in front of crowds and talking, meeting new people and so on. What I am not so good at is being intimate. I think for me it is that I have learned the "public male" role well. I am scared of showing the "real me" to anyone especially myself. So I have a fear of intimate relationships. And I am afraid of going public outside of the "male" role that protected me in the past. hmm. (Sometimes it is embarrassing to be a therapist and know how confused I am).

For Lacey and LordKat, my heart goes out to you. My 18 year-old son has Aspergers, so I have some experience with it. And I am trying to support him in finding answers to the questions you pose. Of course, my being trans also gives him more to deal with. Not his biggest concern.

Kendall

(a 61-year old child)

[Miniar]

That has to be...interesting...

That's one way to put it.

[death_chick]

Aspies (people with Asperger syndrome) alienate people, and people in general greatly annoy aspies.  Aspies often end up divorced and friendless.  My story exactly.  Big, big bummer.  GID is a picnic by comparison.  Asperger syndrome is a hell you have to experience to believe. 

Imagine feeling totally and utterly alone in a crowd ... any crowd ... anywhere anytime ... every time.  Everybody else has friends.  Most of them have lovers.  As an aspie, you have neither and virtually no prospect of ever having friends or lovers.  Now, you're getting a glimpse of what it's like.

I used to think everyone felt that way. I know you're speaking from experience, but I just can't imagine anything worse than being gender dysphoric. Well, anything mental or emotional.
But if that's really the case. Ouch. :/

[Ryno]

I've recently started on an antidepressant/anxiolytic for depression and anxiety. So since starting that in september and especially since coming out as trans I've noticed a massive change in my personality. I still get anxious now and then but it doesn't hold me back the way it did before.

I remember talking to a trans friend of mine in the summer about me coming out as trans myself, and he told me he thought it would really help me become more confident with myself. And so far, it has. Especially when I pass in public. I can be myself, be the guy I always tried to hide, and not fear people looking at me like I'm a freak.

I'm really not surprised to learn SAD and GID often come as a package deal. When you're used to shoving a part of yourself down inside you and you get used to people reacting to you in a way that never quite feels right, you probably tend to recoil a bit from society. And especially as you first start coming out as trans and first try passing, you'll notice a difference in the way people receive you, it's different than you're used to, and it's a little scary at first. You worry about screwing up and making them think you're a fraud. But then you start to get used to it. It becomes normal and your true self starts to come out, for the first time.

[jmaxley]

I have social anxiety too.  It can get pretty bad sometimes.  I used to be a nervous wreck if I had to use a telephone; that, thankfully, has gotten better.

Imagine feeling totally and utterly alone in a crowd ... any crowd ... anywhere anytime ... every time.  Everybody else has friends.  Most of them have lovers.  As an aspie, you have neither and virtually no prospect of ever having friends or lovers.

You've just described my whole entire life.

[PixieBoy]

I've got AS as well. It's not a picnic, but it's better than GID in my opinion. I like it when I'm able to hyperfocus on stuff, I like the joy I feel when thinking about and doing stuff that I'm obsessed with. I dislike the way I'm socially awkward and how small things can create anxiety. I haven't got social anxiety disorder (I think?), but still, I kind of like my AS, in a way. It's a part of me. Sure, it's impractical and annoying, but I really do love that rush I get when I start thinking about my favourite things, when I tune out the outside world for books, that feeling of calmness. I'm too crap at social interaction to really notice how bad I am at it, I suppose.