i don't "deserve" to live as female?

[xxUltraModLadyxx]

pretty much everyone in my family accepts me for who i am except for this one cousin i have who hates me for no reason. she's much older than me. she's 25, i'm 18. i don't see her a whole lot, only when there's something she chooses to show up at. the other day she was giving me a hard time for nothing saying "so what's with this? you think you're a woman now? i know you're retarded, but you're not cute. you don't deserve to live as a female." i don't even talk to her or do anything wrong to her, but she has issues with me. she said that to me when no one else is around, because she's such a jealous coward. who "deserves" to live as female? i just walked away and said nothing, because it wasn't even worth saying anything to her or letting her get to me, but i was insulted. my mom's just told me she's no better than me, but i don't think she should be invited to these things if she's gonna be such a ***wipe.

[Nicky]

That is not a nice thing to have to deal with.

What she is saying is actually all about her, and not about you.

You could try the path of empathy "why do you feel this way? what is it to you? do you know why I am doing this? how do you know? In what what ways have I hurt you? Do you feel threatened by me?"  Perhaps there is a reason for her dislike - like she needs support and attention and she sees you as getting it all, or she is filled with transphobia, or she has certain queer feelings herself and the rejection of you is really a rejection of what she feels inside. Could be a whole lot of reasons. Either way it is not about you at all. It is not easy taking this approach, and takes some courage. I think you did good honey by walking away. Sometimes that is all you can do.

Hugs!
Nicole

[Amazon D]

That is not a nice thing to have to deal with.

What she is saying is actually all about her, and not about you.

You could try the path of empathy "why do you feel this way? what is it to you? do you know why I am doing this? how do you know? In what what ways have I hurt you? Do you feel threatened by me?"  Perhaps there is a reason for her dislike - like she needs support and attention and she sees you as getting it all, or she is filled with transphobia, or she has certain queer feelings herself and the rejection of you is really a rejection of what she feels inside. Could be a whole lot of reasons. Either way it is not about you at all. It is not easy taking this approach, and takes some courage. I think you did good honey by walking away. Sometimes that is all you can do.

Hugs!
Nicole

Ditto many people say things to others which is really meant for themselves.

[spacial]

you don't deserve to live as a female." i don't even talk to her or do anything wrong to her, but she has issues with me. she said that to me when no one else is around, because she's such a jealous coward. who "deserves" to live as female?

She's bullying you.

Don't be a victim.

[Ruby]

Your cousin is exhibiting what is known as gender entitlement. Julia Serano talks about it a bit in her book, Whipping Girl. She brings up feminist theorist Germaine Greer as a classic example. This kind of behavior makes me furious.

It is almost as though these women think they can OWN the gender; like it is something they have exclusive rights on. When I ponder why someone would get themselves into this sort of thinking, it occurs to me that this sort of mindset may come from a place of unconscious and great resentment. Perhaps these hateful women are so embittered by having to be women that they think no one else can possibly understand what it is like to have to be one. They elevate the idea of being a woman to something exclusive and something to be protected as a form of overcompensating for the internal hate they feel.

I don't know if that makes you feel any better. I'm glad you walked away. There is little you can do with someone so hateful. Maybe with time she'll come around? I feel appreciation for your mom. And when YOU organize a family function, then you can choose not to invite her. In the meantime, the family needs to try to love her too.

Keep your chin up. Your being is helping change the world.
Cheers.
Ruby