Bad Jokes

[Beth Andrea]

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

^^This.^^

[LordKAT]

I'd post a pic of myself but,.....



I don't want anyone to die laughing.

[Beth Andrea]

I'd post a pic of myself but,.....



I don't want anyone to die laughing.

No one will die, nor will they laugh.

*hugs*

[MadeleineG]

I'd post a pic of myself but,.....

I don't want anyone to die laughing.

No self-dep! *hug* I'd love to see your face

[LordKAT]

I'm technologically unsavy and yes you would die laughing. If you know where to look, there is somewhere on the internet, one image of the real me.

[dalebert]

"I wished for an orange for a head."

You reminded me of this joke.

[JillSter]

You reminded me of this joke.

LOL!

I went to the zoo. They had only one animal. A dog. It was a shih tzu.

[LordKAT]

I went to a zoo. Cool birds it said, all of which my dad had on the farm. What a waste.

[JillSter]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog named Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone." ♫ ♫

[dalebert]

I went to the zoo. They had only one animal. A dog. It was a shih tzu.

That one took me 37 seconds.

[Danielle Emmalee]

[Devlyn]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog named Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone." ♫ ♫

Sigh, those who do not know their history are doomed to repeat it.

A frog named Kermit Jagger goes to a bank to get a loan. He talks to a teller named Patty Mack. Patty asks the frog what he has for collateral. The frog pulls out a small figurine, but Patty says, "I'm sorry, that's just a cheap knick knack." The bank manager had been walking by at the time and overheard the conversation. Looking over, he said, "This figurine is three hundred years old -- it's priceless. That's no knick knack, Patty Mack, give that frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."



An orchestra is playing Beethoven's 9th Symphony. There is a passage in the middle when, for about 20 minutes, the bass violinists have nothing to do. So they decide to slip out to a bar and drink a few beers. After a while one says, "Hey, we better get going."

But another says, "No, wait. I tied several pages of the conductor's sheet music together, so we'll have a couple of extra minutes while he sorts it out."

So they stay for another round. Finally when they go staggering back to their places. It was the bottom of the ninth, the score was tied, and the bassists were loaded.



In a particular small country, there was a king. He was much beloved of the people, and so they built for him a castle. But they were poor people and could only afford to build it out of grass. So they worked for weeks, and finally completed a lovely woven grass castle for him. And the king was pleased.

Another country, significantly richer than the first, presented a peace offering of an ornate throne. The king accepted this gift graciously and was most pleased. The only trouble was, the throne was very uncomfortable. So the king got himself a more comfortable chair and kept the massive throne in the attic. Naturally, it fell through the floor and killed him.

The moral of this story: People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

[LordKAT]

Couples who go camping together may in fact have intense intents in tents.

[MadeleineG]

In all seriousness, my eight-year-old was thinking aloud about the gender implications of chess promotion just yesterday.

[MadeleineG]

Couples who go camping together may in fact have intense intents in tents.

My son used to routinely ask me to tell him stories from "hiking mythology"

[Amelia Pond]

Couples who go camping together may in fact have intense intents in tents.

Depending on gender, they'll be pitching tents within those tents with intense intents.

At least temporarily. 

[Devlyn]

Couples who go camping together may in fact have intense intents in tents.

A. That's great!

B. It reminded me of Ted Nugent - Intensities in 10 cities

[dalebert]

Is there a statute of limitations on repeated bad jokes?

I wouldn't think so. If it's old, doesn't that make it extra bad?

[dalebert]

B. It reminded me of Ted Nugent - Intensities in 10 cities

Or if you were in L.A. during hard times, it could be intensities in 10 tent cities. <.<  >.>  <.<   

[dalebert]

I was fairly drunk last night for the show and I made some very, very bad jokes as well as just some generally messed up stuph. I expect to pay the price for it in hate emails. I'm just going to start typing up the apology responses in advance. It's one thing to be drunk and say things you'll regret later. It's another to have them recorded forever on the Intertubes.