All these are from my time working in a pharmacy. We had a terrible sense of humor.
Lady says to pharmacist: "Why does my prescription medication have 40 side effects?"
Pharmacist replies: "Because that's all we've documented so far."
A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, "You got any duck food?"
"No," says the pharmacist, "we don't sell duck food." The duck leaves.
The duck comes back the next day and says, "You got any duck food?"
"No," says the pharmacist with a frown, "This is a pharmacy. We don't sell duck food." The duck leaves.
The duck comes back the next day. "You got any duck food?"
"Look," screams the pharmacist. "This a pharmacy! We don't sell duck food! We sell medicine! If you come in here tomorrow and ask for duck food, I'm going to nail your little, yellow webbed feet to the floor!" The duck leaves.
The duck comes back the next day. The pharmacist is bristling. The duck asks timidly, "You got any nails?"
"No," says the pharmacist. "This is a pharmacy! We do not sell nails!"
"Good! You got any duck food?" says the duck.
A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist that she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist says, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I will lose my license, they'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide!"
Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription."
A chemist walks into a drug store and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any
acetylsalicylic acid?"
"You mean aspirin?" asked the pharmacist.
"That's it, I can never remember that word."
A woman walked into a bar and Metformin.
A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: "Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"
The seven-year old girl told her mom, "A boy in my class asked me to play doctor."
"Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?"
"Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company."
What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?
One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.
How many Pharmacists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but he has to do it three times a day for ten days.
