Bad Jokes

[dalebert]

[Padma]

Not really. We're not that big on fish here. Maybe because so many Americans are deeply inland.

That's weird, considering how all you yanks go fishing with your dads all the time in books and the movies .

[Padma]

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Two men were walking through the desert. They were nearly out of water when they saw three tents in the distance. The hurried over to see if they could get some water. In the first tent they were told, "I'm sorry we only have trifle." In the second tent, again, "I'm sorry we only have trifle." They went into the third tent and again asked for water only to be told, "I'm sorry we only sell trifle." As they walked on, one turned to the other and said, "That was a trifle bazaar."


What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick.

[Josie M]

[Townsfolk]  Sheriff, ya got to help me!  Black Bart's on the loose!

[Sheriff]  What's he look like?

[Townsfolk]   Well, he's got a paper hat, paper boots, paper chaps, and a paper vest....

[Sheriff]   What's he wanted for?

[Townsfolk]  Rustlin'

[Beth Andrea]

Not really. We're not that big on fish here. Maybe because so many Americans are deeply inland.

LA and New York aren't that far inland. Neither are San Fran, Seattle, Portland, San Diego, Wa DC, all of Florida...I'd wager a bucket of M & M's that much--maybe half--of the population is within 100 miles of the oceans or Great Lakes.

I'd bet the popularity of fish is tied to its expense compared to other kinds of meat. And the difficulty in properly cooking it (not over- or under-done) for the average cook.

Kippers come in little cans, right? Open it, eat it raw. I knew a guy in the AF who would do that, and oysters too...Ritz cracker, Cheez-Whiz, and a little sardine (sometimes topped with a black olive)...and a shot of rum to wash it down. Great party guy.

Damn, I wish I had a bad joke to tell to get this thread back in line.

Oh, here's one...There once was a man from Nantuck... Oh nevermind, you've all heard it before.  earworm earworm earworm

[dalebert]

I'm guessing Ms. OBrien will like this one.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Hummmmm    Sodium Chloride over Sodium Hydroxide.  HUH?!?! 

Oh! wait a minute.   


What kind of coat does a vampire wear in the rain?
A wet one.

Daniel and Ginny are walking down the street one evening. As they pass one house, they hear loud shouting and crashes inside. Peter and Elizabeth Jones live there and are having a fierce argument. At the height of the quarrel, Peter picks up a table lamp, rips it out of the wall, and hurls it at Elizabeth. Elizabeth ducks, and the lamp flies past her through the window. It sails over Daniel and Ginny's heads. Daniel looks up and exclaims, "Soft! What light through yonder window breaks!"

[Kevin Peña]

Why was 6 afraid of 7? It wasn't. Numbers aren't sentient and are thus incapable of feeling fear.

[dalebert]

This one has wirty dord or two so I'm just going to link it with fair warning.

http://imgur.com/j2NRn

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

A blonde walks in the ice cream parlor and orders a chocolate ice cream cone.

The clerk tells her that he has no chocolate ice cream, only vanilla and strawberry.

The blonde then orders a pint of chocolate ice cream.

The clerk once again tells her he has no chocolate ice cream, just vanilla and strawberry.

The blonde then orders a quart of chocolate ice cream.

The clerk once again tells her he has no chocolate ice cream, only vanilla and strawberry.

The blonde then orders a half gallon of chocolate ice cream.

The clerk then asks her how she spells van as in vanilla.

She says, V-A-N.

He then asks her how she spells straw as in strawberry.

She says, S-T-R-A-W

He then asks her how she spells frack as in chocolate.

After a while she says there is no frack in chocolate.

THATS WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU

[Rowan Rue]

Ok, I made this up years ago.  We were making jokes politically correct.

Q: How many persons of an unspecified ethnic minority group does it take to manipulate a common electrical fixture?

A: Some.

^.^

[Natkat]

a man goes to a cirkus asking for a job:
"okay, so what can you do?"
-"I can imitate birds" the man say.
"but we already know so many who do that already."
"- well guess I must keep on seaching then" he said and flew out of the window.
-----
a mouse and a elephan is lovers, as they walk they see some of the mouse friends comming by, wellknowned that the mouse and the elephants relationship arn't looking good at the elephant say. "hurry hide in my a*s!"
they mouse do so untill the elephans friend pass by and crawl out again.
out of sudden the mouse starts crying.
"whats wrong?" the elephant ask
"now, your friend is comming"
-------

[Alexis]

@Twyla - I like that one

This one's slightly incorrect (sorry if this is offensive, it's in good fun)

What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of being a human being

[Jamie D]

I can't take it anymore!

I think I am going to lock this thread, for the sake of all humanity.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

And I shall unlock it. 


A small grocery store had just installed some new juice machines, and everybody who worked there was excited about who would be chosen to run them. One employee in particular, a grocery bagger, was determined to get the job. He went to the manager and made his case, telling his boss how excited he was about the new juicers, and how badly he wanted to be the one chosen to run them. His boss turned him down.

"But why?" protested the hapless young man.

"Son," replied his boss, "Everybody knows that baggers can't be juicers."

[Cindy]

Do you reckon we should should have a collection to buy JamieD her own padded cell?

We can secretly install a bad joke screen before we lock the door.

[justmeinoz]

Nah, Pillory in the town square so we can throw current puns at her!.

[Constance]

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And it doesn't.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Forecast for the weekend(not MY weekend) : mostly drunk, with a chance of hangover.

Two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says "Do you know how to drive this?"


**********  Warning ***********
Q. Why did they monkey fall out of the tree?
A. He was dead.
Q. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree?
A. He was tied to the monkey.