well the question I guess is more for someone like me I guess - I am stuck in boy mode cause of my job, parents, country and because my laser appointment got postponed... but all that's a different story.
the answer is quite simple what would you say to someone who has a kid who is sick and needs medical help or to someone who doesn't have legs but wants to walk - yes its easier if they give up on their kid and easier for someone to keep using a wheelchair - but that doesn't mean that we are going to be happy. It means giving up a kid you love or all your dreams of being able to walk again.
most people who are around soldiers or people who have become disabled because of an accident sense a feeling of loss of who they really are and that loss more simple than just a lost limb or loss of an ability like sight, sound, walking, etc. But aside from that most have a sense of fear and hope for their future that things could not get more worse.
Each one of us feels a burning desire to be ourselves and each one decides to react to it differently. After 25 years of trying to avoid it - out of which 1 and half I spent with a wonderfull partner - but that didn't last because I needed to be myself and even small parts of my true self started to leak into our relationship and that freaked her out at the time more than anything else despite me trying to explain who I was to her since the start it was her realization of who I really was that changed things in our relationship. During these 25 years I have tried /been forced to try alot of things to convince myself of who am not.
Prior to that I had spent about 6 maybe 7 months on HRT.
Ok so am rambling... long story short I know I will NEVER forgive myself if I don't try now - No matter how much I try to avoid it - I only make things more difficult for myself by postponing the inevitable.
The only way I can pull something like this off is if I time it perfectly - i.e. laser and HRT have to work together and my plan and ability to leave my country have to come together to work at the same time and I must not loose my job till then or find a better paying job. There must not be any period of not passing and if I don't pass its immediately back to boy mode that's why at least for the next year (or 3 years) I would have to pray that everything works out.
The only way this could have been worse for me is that if I was stuck in a country that penalizes us for being trans with the death penalty.
And yes am not following the standard procedure for treatment of GID/transitioning - but that's because the standard procedure could cost my job without which I can't pay for therapy, HRT, Laser and could even force me into begging, prostitution and becoming homeless, or worse. There are some places where a standard set of procedures just don't apply and is simply not possible.
