Quote from: peky on October 03, 2012, 09:55:54 PM
in your dreams!

Even at my advance age I am more beautiful, and attract  a lot of attention from the male folks, than 80% of the so called cis-females I encounter on my daily live.

Speak for yourself dahrling

In case you aren't that perceptive this question was not oriented at people who pass effortlessly pre-HRT... Besides that's a question, you don't answer such a question by"In yo dreamz lulz".

I asked this question because I was one of those who passed pre-HRT and I don't think I would've had the strength to transition had I known that I wouldn't blend seamlessly. The emotional turmoil of gender incongruency to me seems more manageable than a life of struggle and constant vulnerability but that's highly subjective. Part of this may be because even after a year of being full time, I still deal with my own internalized transphobia. I admire these trans women who can go out there knowing full well that they aren't passable but I'd still be uneasy around them nonetheless.

and yes there is much more to passability than genetics.

I'm with Seyranna. It's a totally legitimate question she's asking. I asked myself that very same thing every day (still do occasionally) before I transitioned.

Quote from: Seyranna on October 03, 2012, 10:48:04 PM
In case you aren't that perceptive this question was not oriented at people who pass effortlessly pre-HRT... Besides that's a question, you don't answer such a question by"In yo dreamz lulz".

I asked this question because I was one of those who passed pre-HRT and I don't think I would've had the strength to transition had I known that I wouldn't blend seamlessly. The emotional turmoil of gender incongruency to me seems more manageable than a life of struggle and constant vulnerability but that's highly subjective. Part of this may be because even after a year of being full time, I still deal with my own internalized transphobia. I admire these trans women who can go out there knowing full well that they aren't passable but I'd still be uneasy around them nonetheless.

and yes there is much more to passability than genetics.

I think it is just different perspectives. Being trans means different things to different people. Idgi personally but people are gonna do what they feel like doing I guess. But then sometimes I read about people who had a perfectly successful, well-integrated male life that they kind of suddenly threw away only to be constantly miserable and on the verge of suicide and I just wonder why. 

I thought I should come back on & apologise to Seyranna & Isabelle for my replies yesterday, i'd had a terrible day & I was lashing out at the wrong people, sorry

Quote from: pretty on October 04, 2012, 03:31:22 AM
... sometimes I read about people who had a perfectly successful, well-integrated male life that they kind of suddenly threw away only to be constantly miserable and on the verge of suicide and I just wonder why. 

Honestly I think transition is NOT for everybody who decides to do it. Kinda like somebody with no feet wanting shoes. You aren't designed to have it. This doesn't go to those who don't pass, but to those who are happy before they transition, only to be miserable and bitter after they do it. It's just a poor decision and they should go back to doing whatever makes them happy.

But let me get this straight: nothing I said means happiness = easier life. It was easier to not worry about if people are going to figure out and discriminate against me when I get a house, job, car etc... but I'm much more happier now regardless of how many obstacles come in front of me. But I am one of those that people are more comfortable being around (in general) after I transitioned than before....

well the question I guess is more for someone like me I guess - I am stuck in boy mode cause of my job, parents, country and because my laser appointment got postponed... but all that's a different story.

the answer is quite simple what would you say to someone who has a kid who is sick and needs medical help or to someone who doesn't have legs but wants to walk - yes its easier if they give up on their kid and easier for someone to keep using a wheelchair - but that doesn't mean that we are going to be happy. It means giving up a kid you love or all your dreams of being able to walk again.

most people who are around soldiers or people who have become disabled because of an accident  sense a feeling of loss of who they really are and that loss more simple than just a lost limb or loss of an ability like sight, sound, walking, etc. But aside from that most have a sense of fear and hope for their future that things could not get more worse.

Each one of us feels a burning desire to be ourselves and each one decides to react to it differently. After 25 years of trying to avoid it - out of which 1 and half I spent with a wonderfull partner - but that didn't last because I needed to be myself and even small parts of my true self started to leak into our relationship and that freaked her out at the time more than anything else despite me trying to explain who I was to her since the start it was her realization of who I really was that changed things in our relationship. During these 25 years I have tried /been forced to try alot of things to convince myself of who am not.

Prior to that I had spent about 6 maybe 7 months on HRT.

Ok so am rambling... long story short I know I will NEVER forgive myself if I don't try now - No matter how much I try to avoid it - I only make things more difficult for myself by postponing the inevitable.

The only way I can pull something like this off is if I time it perfectly - i.e. laser and HRT have to work together and my plan and ability to leave my country have to come together to work at the same time  and I must not loose my job till then or find  a better paying job. There must not be any period of not passing and if I don't pass its immediately back to boy mode that's why at least for the next year (or 3 years) I would have to pray that everything works out.

The only way this could have been worse for me is that if I was stuck in a country that penalizes us for being trans with the death penalty.

And yes am not following the standard procedure for treatment of GID/transitioning - but that's because the standard procedure could cost my job without which I can't pay for therapy, HRT, Laser and could even force me into begging, prostitution and becoming homeless, or worse. There are some places where a standard set of procedures just don't apply and is simply not possible.

and yes it could be easier if I didn't try, but I don't care what anyone thinks - I like what HRT and laser is doing to my mind and body and am doing it anyway.

Aye - I gave up "passing" when I stopped trying to be a man. Now I'm me, and any problems with that aren't my problems.

If there's something I learned these past few months: it's that if things were meant to happen - the opportunity will present itself and it will happen with more ease than you expected. You don't need to live life by a script, life will pan out how it's suppose to and if you don't go down that path, life will give you so much crap until you just give in one way or the other....

My therapist made me write out a script when I started therapy... where I planned to be in 5 years. I threw it in a folder and haven't looked at it in a long time.. long before I even started hormones. I found it the other day while I was packing, and read it. I was amazed at how much stuff on there happened without me even trying to make it happen. I planned to move something like 3 years after starting hormones... I planned to do it after going full time. Didn't happen that way, because I'm moving tomorrow. EVERYTHING on that script happened out of place, happened faster, and happened way easier than I ever could've dreamed. Many things happened after a tragic point (IE losing my job led to me going full time - being evicted led me to sell my property and move to the city I have loved my whole life).

If it's your fate to transition, you will know it and life will work out for you when you do... considering life is ready for you to do it at the moment you do it! Everything will fall into place. Try to fight it, and it'll be like standing in front of a steamroller. I think people should just throw away their scripts and live life Let it take you down the path of least resistance. Your heart will tell you where to go.

When I first went out, I had to watch my back because I would get insults like that. Now if I bother to wear makeup and dress a bit alluringly, I catch men watching me.

Quote from: Jayne on October 04, 2012, 07:52:01 AM
I thought I should come back on & apologise to Seyranna & Isabelle for my replies yesterday, i'd had a terrible day & I was lashing out at the wrong people, sorry

Yes, we should watch what we say here. This is, after all, a support forum.

Jayne, all is well, no harm done sorry if I wound you up

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on October 04, 2012, 09:37:17 AM
If there's something I learned these past few months: it's that if things were meant to happen - the opportunity will present itself and it will happen with more ease than you expected. You don't need to live life by a script, life will pan out how it's suppose to and if you don't go down that path, life will give you so much crap until you just give in one way or the other....

My therapist made me write out a script when I started therapy... where I planned to be in 5 years. I threw it in a folder and haven't looked at it in a long time.. long before I even started hormones. I found it the other day while I was packing, and read it. I was amazed at how much stuff on there happened without me even trying to make it happen. I planned to move something like 3 years after starting hormones... I planned to do it after going full time. Didn't happen that way, because I'm moving tomorrow. EVERYTHING on that script happened out of place, happened faster, and happened way easier than I ever could've dreamed. Many things happened after a tragic point (IE losing my job led to me going full time - being evicted led me to sell my property and move to the city I have loved my whole life).

If it's your fate to transition, you will know it and life will work out for you when you do... considering life is ready for you to do it at the moment you do it! Everything will fall into place. Try to fight it, and it'll be like standing in front of a steamroller. I think people should just throw away their scripts and live life Let it take you down the path of least resistance. Your heart will tell you where to go.

I soo totally agree. For so much of my life I had no support. I thought I could never transition without supporting family & friends. I thought I was gonna die without ever living my life, or if anything I would get all old before I even started trying but then life happened and only a couple years after that I hopped on a plane and moved across the country and went FT. And now everyone that knows has been wonderful to me and nobody else has to know.  My life is far from perfect but it really is true that when you feel so deep in a hole there is probably a way out much closer than you think.

I was with my therapist today and was asked: Do you think how you're dressed reflect who you are? I had to stop and think, and I was thinking...well, what is a woman supposed to wear and what is the expectation of the women's look in this instance?

I had to stop and pause for a few moments before answering, and said "No, it doesn't".

I was wearing female jeans today, though I don't think she noticed. As we went on, I really felt tension and fear about going beyond the feeling of being who I am and carrying through with it and being scared about how people will react in public. I'm not sure if this hurt my credibility with her, or what.   

I hope not either, the question can go either way depending on your personality.  I would say no, the clothing does not but what I feel does.

What does that mean? Well quite simply you don't put face value on someone based on what they wear.  Of course if someone is dressed like a man, and looks like a man than you are going to make the assumption.... and vice versa.  Female jeans are feminine 

"You are not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your f---ing khakis" Tyler Durden, Fight Club

Quote from: Brooke777 on October 03, 2012, 11:12:37 AM
For me, I would much rather live as a masculine looking woman, then a woman in a man's body. I would rather suffer through insults than suffer with being trapped. Just my opinion.

I would do the opposite 

Barbie~~