Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So spill the beans, what are you thinking?

Please post positive comments based on positive thoughts that is what will make us stronger. If we all focus that way, imagine the difference.


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I need more time in the day. Too much that needs doing... not enough to do it.

Move to Alaska during the summer time - don't get dark until 11p and only for a few hours...............................

If I keep depression eating "Comfort food" I'll have to change my name to Piglet Little

Well, I am thinking about how society should not put so much pressure on young adults. People expect you to move out at 18, and finish college at 21 or something with an amazing job that will make you a millionaire. These deadlines and expectations can cause a lot of stress and anxiety on a person you know? Most young adults do not know what they want to become, and the pressure will push them to get into something they have no interest in. Also, there is nothing wrong with living at home while figuring your life out. This should not be a negative at all imo.

I'm thinking that life, finally, is good.  (I'm the happiest I have ever been in my adult life!)

Quote from: Michelle_P on April 11, 2018, 12:24:25 PM
I'm thinking that life, finally, is good.  (I'm the happiest I have ever been in my adult life!)

Sooo happy to hear this, what everyone in life deserves. X

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I'm thinking of a million things.  One thing I'm not thinking about is my gender.  Thank you!

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I am thinking happiness and much relief from stress...
... finally in my small town it is becoming common knowledge that I am a trans-woman... and no one seems to really be concerned about it....  then, the question to myself was, why was I so concerned and stressed about revealing my past?  Of course I do understand that there may be some that may treat me with demeaning comments and scowling looks.... but, now I don't care...  I know now that I have friends and acquaintances here that accept me.
Danielle

Careful what you wish for Allison.. it might just happen..

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It's Wednesday and I'm still trying to recover from my weekend foray   

Quote from: Michelle_P on April 11, 2018, 12:24:25 PM
I'm thinking that life, finally, is good.  (I'm the happiest I have ever been in my adult life!)

I know how you feel!!!  :D

Random stranger just asked if he can pray for me... I politely said "no, thank you" but he was so handsome I kinda wish I accepted his offer lol

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Someone at work rather determinedly grabbed a hammer out from near where I was standing.  I thought it would be nice if my problems could be solved with a hammer.

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If I can avoid the galloping anuses I might be okay

It's a bit weird but I think I've been emulating certain things from women. There's power in feminine energy/posture for sure

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Hmmm...I should probably change my name (irl) but I don't know how to, and hopefully it is not a pain to do. Started thinking about it after I posted a Quiz on here about names. Admittedly, maybe a quiz that requires your first name to be seen was not a good idea, but no one has to take it if they want.

Yes, I show my real name on the quiz I posted, and I must say that it is quite boyish but my mom convinced me for a bit that It could be used for both gender, but I don't think so lol.

My mom and therapist accused me of having symptoms of anorexia, or actually having an eating disorder. I don't think I do though? Not to get into detail, but there is a part of me I don't like, and exercising was not solving the problem, so I decided to eat less instead. The goal is to eat less calories, and the best way to do that is to cut out food. Honestly, I am just afraid of weight gain because that would make things worse.

I ate a piece of pizza tonight, and I feel grossed out and ashamed of the fact though. Usually I will just eat an apple with water if I get hungry, so that I would avoid the situation above. That sounds bad, and I am not trying to starve myself it is just that I don't want to gain weight.

Its not like I don't eat or anything, as I will have toast in the morning, and then a sandwich at night, and if I still get hungry then I will eat an apple or something. Personally, I don't see it as anorexia because its not like I am throwing up my food or anything weird like that.

I don't know. I am just writing down my thoughts or whatever.

Quote from: TicTac on April 19, 2018, 03:58:32 AM
My mom and therapist accused me of having symptoms of anorexia, or actually having an eating disorder. I don't think I do though? Not to get into detail, but there is a part of me I don't like, and exercising was not solving the problem, so I decided to eat less instead. The goal is to eat less calories, and the best way to do that is to cut out food. Honestly, I am just afraid of weight gain because that would make things worse.

I ate a piece of pizza tonight, and I feel grossed out and ashamed of the fact though. Usually I will just eat an apple with water if I get hungry, so that I would avoid the situation above. That sounds bad, and I am not trying to starve myself it is just that I don't want to gain weight.

Its not like I don't eat or anything, as I will have toast in the morning, and then a sandwich at night, and if I still get hungry then I will eat an apple or something. Personally, I don't see it as anorexia because its not like I am throwing up my food or anything weird like that.

I don't know. I am just writing down my thoughts or whatever.

It sounds like you want to eat healthy/nutrient filled foods rather than pizza? That's okay to do. I used to do the same when I was at my lowest weight. Or I would have half a slice of pizza with some salad. But 1 slice isn't awful when it's once in a while. I don't think anyone's gained a lot of weight if any from eating just 1 slice of pizza here and there. But I could be wrong.

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QuoteI ate a piece of pizza tonight, and I feel grossed out and ashamed of the fact though

this line tells me that you have an issue to discuss with your therapist. Eating less for weight and eating healthy is not a problem. Feeling that way for taking a step outside your 'diet' is. A proper diet is a long term scenario, not a single incident and you shouldn't feel bad for doing it.

that's just my lay-person's opinion, take it or leave it.

I do not know what to think, but thank you guys the reply's. According to them i am underweight for my height (5'7) but from what I have read the BMI system is BS, so judging me on a bogus system is ridicules. They just do not see what I see I guess. Whatever. 

Quote from: TicTac on April 19, 2018, 03:58:32 AM
I ate a piece of pizza tonight, and I feel grossed out and ashamed of the fact though.

That is an indication that you might have anorexia. You need to eat to survive and a varied diet (yes including treats) is important to be healthy. When you limit your intake or food selection because your uncomfortable with a food, that's the indication of a problem. In addition, if your in the healthy weight range, you may be losing to much weight. Anorexia just means you over control your eating. Bulimia is when you vomit or purge to control your weight. Be very careful about this because we had a neighbor who died as the result of an eating condition.

Quote from: Dena on April 19, 2018, 05:33:08 PM
That is an indication that you might have anorexia. You need to eat to survive and a varied diet (yes including treats) is important to be healthy. When you limit your intake or food selection because your uncomfortable with a food, that's the indication of a problem. In addition, if your in the healthy weight range, you may be losing to much weight. Anorexia just means you over control your eating. Bulimia is when you vomit or purge to control your weight. Be very careful about this because we had a neighbor who died as the result of an eating condition.

I am sorry about your neighbor. That is really sad.

Yeah, my mom had a lengthy discussion with me about it, and apparently I do have an eating disorder. My lack of strength, constant headaches, although not sure if that is related, and dizziness are things that I am experiencing but I did not link it to ed because...I don't know. I can't even lift a 1 gallon of water without my arm shaking from the difficulty of lifting it. I thought it was an hrt thing, but I guess not?

I am trying to eat more at this point, but it is difficult and I don't feel great about it but I am trying. My mom made whole grain spaghetti, and I had some of it like I promised, and admittedly it feels nice not having the constant hunger pain but I feel guilty about eating it.

I will never go back to eating/drinking chocolate though, as that would definitively cause unwanted weight that I would rather not have. Besides, chocolate/candy is not great to have anyways.

keep working at it. The guilt you'll have to break, the guilt is a lie. a proper diet will keep you at a healthy weight. Your strength will come back and your headaches should cease. Both are malnutrition symptoms. Listen to your mom, it sounds like she has a good handle on it.

Quote from: Faith on April 20, 2018, 07:31:49 AM
keep working at it. The guilt you'll have to break, the guilt is a lie. a proper diet will keep you at a healthy weight. Your strength will come back and your headaches should cease. Both are malnutrition symptoms. Listen to your mom, it sounds like she has a good handle on it.

I can't believe I allowed myself to get to this point though. Another family member (cousin) has issues with anorexia so it is just weird I guess. Yeah, I am definitely trying to get better. My mom has done so much for me, and I repay her by stressing her out some more.  I feel pretty crappy honestly.

There are a large number of symptoms as you can see from this web site (https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/by-eating-disorder/anorexia). Very little was publicly known about it until Karen Carpenter (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karen_Carpenter) died from it. Your therapist can help you with the feelings and your doctor can determine what is the proper weight range for you to maintain. Weight charts are a good starting point however a healthy weight for some may exceed the maximum weight for that height. If it's difficult to control these feelings, there is a medication that works well in treatment. That indicates anorexia is at least in part caused by a physical condition

Quote from: Dena on April 20, 2018, 04:55:31 PM
There are a large number of symptoms as you can see from this web site (https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/by-eating-disorder/anorexia). Very little was publicly known about it until Karen Carpenter (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karen_Carpenter) died from it. Your therapist can help you with the feelings and your doctor can determine what is the proper weight range for you to maintain. Weight charts are a good starting point however a healthy weight for some may exceed the maximum weight for that height. If it's difficult to control these feelings, there is a medication that works well in treatment. That indicates anorexia is at least in part caused by a physical condition

Huh, I had no idea there was medication for this. Thank you for all the information. I really appreciate it.

I have a date tomorrow and I'm super nervous, but also super excited to eat Thai food. And also because she's really nice and cute.
But still. Thai food.

It is so crazy that people my age are married, own their own home, and so on. It makes me feel sooo inferior to people around my age (early 20s) which is probably why I avoid them in real life like the plague. I would rather not be judged by them because I already feel pretty bad about it myself. This is one reason why I have difficulty making friends, because our lives are just so different. I think I would be better off befriending an 18/19 year old. I myself do not see myself as an adult, so maybe that is the issue. Did I mention that I still don't know how to drive? Sigh, my social anxiety has really held me back.

I wish I can go back to to being 15 because that is the age I feel like I should be at right now. I REALLY hate being in my 20s because I am not ready for adulthood. By the end of December I will be turning 24 which is just stressing me out because I need more time, and I just don't have enough of it.

Kind of losing my mind here. With in 10 days I had. The first girl I ever kissed and had a crush on tell me she still has feelings for me. Than I had an ex girl friend tell me she would like to try to have a relationship with me. I had an ex coworker tell me that she always thought I was hot and has feelings for me. As well a my work partner that I have had a long secrete relationship with would still like to be with me.... GRRRRRR I am losing my mind I never ever had self confidence I don't know what to do I am happy that they are all excepting of me I really don't think I am good enough for any of them. I love with all my heart the one I had a secrete relationship with but I don't see it working out. I  have know desires to be with any of the rest I have been more physically attracted to males. I so hate my past it is unbelievable. I just want a new start 

Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on April 21, 2018, 08:13:41 PM
Kind of losing my mind here. With in 10 days I had. The first girl I ever kissed and had a crush on tell me she still has feelings for me. Than I had an ex girl friend tell me she would like to try to have a relationship with me. I had an ex coworker tell me that she always thought I was hot and has feelings for me. As well a my work partner that I have had a long secrete relationship with would still like to be with me.... GRRRRRR I am losing my mind I never ever had self confidence I don't know what to do I am happy that they are all excepting of me I really don't think I am good enough for any of them. I love with all my heart the one I had a secrete relationship with but I don't see it working out. I  have know desires to be with any of the rest I have been more physically attracted to males. I so hate my past it is unbelievable. I just want a new start

I think that's understandable, to "want a new start". That's completely how I feel, even with my job and living situation... I think with past romantic partners it's the wise thing to do. And especially because it sounds like you're swaying towards dating males. I think admitting that is a big step. I mean admitting anything to ourselves is. I don't think dating men is better or worse than women but you know best what it is you want. Also, maybe you just gotta meet the right person

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Quote from: TicTac on April 21, 2018, 05:09:59 PM
By the end of December I will be turning 24

When's your birthday? I'll be 24 on December 8th.


Also, I totally get where you're coming from. I'm lucky to live with my best friend/girlfriend and have a fairly decent-paying job, but it kills me that I was never able to finish college. I have friends getting married, getting pregnant, getting jobs at huge, important companies, and all that stuff. But here I am, doing manual labor five days a week, supposed to have graduated last year, and just generally feeling lost.

The universe is a hologram
Im not really here.  Neither are you.

Quote from: 4A-GZE on April 22, 2018, 09:39:04 AM
When's your birthday? I'll be 24 on December 8th.


Also, I totally get where you're coming from. I'm lucky to live with my best friend/girlfriend and have a fairly decent-paying job, but it kills me that I was never able to finish college. I have friends getting married, getting pregnant, getting jobs at huge, important companies, and all that stuff. But here I am, doing manual labor five days a week, supposed to have graduated last year, and just generally feeling lost.

I am turning 24 on December 18.... :(

Yeah, feeling lost sucks big time ugh. It is not to late to get back into College, but sometimes people are just not meant for it. Have you thought about becoming an entrepreneur? You could also try getting into Real Estate investing. Like, you could become a Real Estate Agent and then eventually start investing in rental properties or something. There is also dropshipping, which is what I am getting into. There are options out there! Don't give up!

I suffer from social anxiety so my only option for now is making money online, which is why I gravitated towards Ecommerce. I am in college but it is online and I am taking marketing, but it is a bit boring. This dropshipping thing might not work out, so it is stressing me out. All I can do at this point is to not give up, which is hard because my depression really gets to me sometimes.

I hate plumbing.  More so  at 5:30 AM

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So I was just told that I'm not performing well enough at work. This is the first job I've had that I actually enjoy and I'm terrified of losing it, but i don't know what i could possibly do differently. The only area where i struggle is remembering to log when i start each job, and I've always struggled with memory issues. So... I think I'm screwed.

Quote from: 4A-GZE on April 23, 2018, 07:46:30 AM
So I was just told that I'm not performing well enough at work. This is the first job I've had that I actually enjoy and I'm terrified of losing it, but i don't know what i could possibly do differently. The only area where i struggle is remembering to log when i start each job, and I've always struggled with memory issues. So... I think I'm screwed.

I can see how that would be distressing. While I do not know what it means to log, I can maybe offer a solution although you probably already thought of it.

So this is just an idea, but have you thought of creating a reminder on your smartphone that can somehow alert you when it is time to do the log thing? Of course, this is assuming you have a smartphone. Maybe you can bring this up to a friendly coworker and see if they can help you remember to log? I hope you are not embarrassed of your memory issues! No one is perfect after all.

I hope things go well for you  :)

Quote from: 4A-GZE on April 23, 2018, 07:46:30 AM
So I was just told that I'm not performing well enough at work. This is the first job I've had that I actually enjoy and I'm terrified of losing it, but i don't know what i could possibly do differently. The only area where i struggle is remembering to log when i start each job, and I've always struggled with memory issues. So... I think I'm screwed.

I am not sure what your job is but possibly placing a few signs that say "Have you logged this job?" around your work station might help. I also have issues remember some things at time so I am a note person. If it's important, I write a note and place it were I will run into it during my normal activities. One of my favorite place is to leave notes by my driving glasses. As I need to have them to drive, I will see my reminder when I leave for work or get ready to go home.

I am thinking about changing my avatar to a real picture of myself, as it must be odd for others to be talking to a stuffed undead bunny lol. Parting ways with him will be sad though  :( I don't know if I can do it!

Quote from: TicTac on April 25, 2018, 12:55:43 AM
I am thinking about changing my avatar to a real picture of myself, as it must be odd for others to be talking to a stuffed undead bunny lol. Parting ways with him will be sad though  :( I don't know if I can do it!

I have an older image of me so at least people have some idea of what this blabber mouth looks like. We don't require the avatar be of you as not everybody is comfortable posting their image. Some people are stealth and others aren't ready to come out. Post you image only if your comfortable with the idea.

Quote from: Dena on April 25, 2018, 01:10:47 AM
I have an older image of me so at least people have some idea of what this blabber mouth looks like. We don't require the avatar be of you as not everybody is comfortable posting their image. Some people are stealth and others aren't ready to come out. Post you image only if your comfortable with the idea.

My first ever post on Susan's was a picture of myself, so I do not mind it. However, it would probably be a pain to get a picture of myself in an avatar size. Besides, it would have to be a good one and i'm picky lol. I don't know.

Also, you are not a blabber mouth  :( I am not sure what that means actually lol.

Quote from: Dena on April 24, 2018, 09:59:03 PM
I am not sure what your job is but possibly placing a few signs that say "Have you logged this job?" around your work station might help. I also have issues remember some things at time so I am a note person. If it's important, I write a note and place it were I will run into it during my normal activities. One of my favorite place is to leave notes by my driving glasses. As I need to have them to drive, I will see my reminder when I leave for work or get ready to go home.

That's a pretty good idea! I'll have to do something like that.

My mom asking me "where do you intend on taking this?" talking about changes to my appearance with hrt and growing my hair out...

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Quote from: Allison S on April 25, 2018, 12:00:55 PM
My mom asking me "where do you intend on taking this?" talking about changes to my appearance with hrt and growing my hair out...

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Well, @Allison S .... You didn't say how you answered your Mom and what she said after that, I hope that it went well.  It is very obvious from your pictures that your initial pre-HRT transitioning is moving quickly toward "female"..

Hmm, that is the turning point for all of us that made the decision to transition and then coming out to parents, family and close friends. 
For some, it seems to turn out OK and parents, family and friends accept and still communicate, and for others, such as myself and some others, all of those mentioned disowned me and I have not had any kind of significant conversation with them for over 4 years.

I am wishing you well with how all of this potentially delicate matter turns out for you and your Mom and others that are close to you.
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on April 25, 2018, 12:19:27 PM
Well, @Allison S .... You didn't say how you answered your Mom and what she said after that, I hope that it went well.  It is very obvious from your pictures that your initial pre-HRT transitioning is moving quickly toward "female"..

Hmm, that is the turning point for all of us that made the decision to transition and then coming out to parents, family and close friends. 
For some, it seems to turn out OK and parents, family and friends accept and still communicate, and for others, such as myself and some others, all of those mentioned disowned me and I have not had any kind of significant conversation with them for over 4 years.

I am wishing you well with how all of this potentially delicate matter turns out for you and your Mom and others that are close to you.
Hugs,
Danielle

Well it was a bit of a longer conversation that I just wanted to end. She said she wishes the issues in my head would work themselves out. Not sure how it got to that point, I think I had mentioned we don't know what the future will bring. She then said "we don't know what the next hour will bring" and what I typed up about my head needing to get better.

Then she asked bluntly "where are you going with this" and I just said "I don't know". I mean I don't know what hrt will bring that's a fact... She even mentioned details like my legs being smooth and soft. She asked if I got laser on them and I told her no (not yet at least). She kept insisting and I said "why do you fix your hair and do your eyebrows?". I know, what a cop out of a way to respond... But I really don't want to go into it and have any chance of her having a breakdown. She already suspects and it's not like hrt is changing me overnight at this point...

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Quote from: Allison S on April 25, 2018, 12:48:25 PM
Well it was a bit of a longer conversation that I just wanted to end. She said she wishes the issues in my head would work themselves out. Not sure how it got to that point, I think I had mentioned we don't know what the future will bring. She then said "we don't know what the next hour will bring" and what I typed up about my head needing to get better.

Then she asked bluntly "where are you going with this" and I just said "I don't know". I mean I don't know what hrt will bring that's a fact... She even mentioned details like my legs being smooth and soft. She asked if I got laser on them and I told her no (not yet at least). She kept insisting and I said "why do you fix your hair and do your eyebrows?". I know, what a cop out of a way to respond... But I really don't want to go into it and have any chance of her having a breakdown. She already suspects and it's not like hrt is changing me overnight at this point...

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Sounds like she is pretty sure she knows where you are going with all this and is trying to get you to say it.  She is way too aware of the small details to not know.

Quote from: Allison S on April 25, 2018, 12:48:25 PM
Well it was a bit of a longer conversation that I just wanted to end. She said she wishes the issues in my head would work themselves out. Not sure how it got to that point, I think I had mentioned we don't know what the future will bring. She then said "we don't know what the next hour will bring" and what I typed up about my head needing to get better.

Then she asked bluntly "where are you going with this" and I just said "I don't know". I mean I don't know what hrt will bring that's a fact... She even mentioned details like my legs being smooth and soft. She asked if I got laser on them and I told her no (not yet at least). She kept insisting and I said "why do you fix your hair and do your eyebrows?". I know, what a cop out of a way to respond... But I really don't want to go into it and have any chance of her having a breakdown. She already suspects and it's not like hrt is changing me overnight at this point...

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Your mom probably has a bit of an idea but based on how she is actually talking to you about it and questioning it, she sounds like she might become supportive, even though she may not be at the moment.

I really hope things work out and keep us posted.

I'm just wondering why I have such trouble meeting new people. I really only have two friends right now, and I think that one of them might not like me anymore. The other is always busy. I use some dating sites just to meet new people, but I haven't had much luck. (Although, that IS how I met both of the aforementioned friends, so I guess that's something.)
I dunno. I've just been feeling down lately.

Quote from: amberwaves on April 25, 2018, 04:11:44 PM
Sounds like she is pretty sure she knows where you are going with all this and is trying to get you to say it.  She is way too aware of the small details to not know.

Quote from: justarandomname2 on April 25, 2018, 04:43:54 PM
Your mom probably has a bit of an idea but based on how she is actually talking to you about it and questioning it, she sounds like she might become supportive, even though she may not be at the moment.

I really hope things work out and keep us posted.

Yea you're both right because the other day she said I'm a boy and nothing about me is a girl...not my face, body or height.

Well my sister today commented about my lower body being bigger than my upper body and she keeps pointing out that my cheeks are more prominent, face is rounder. I was just laughing because they're good things..

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Quote from: Allison S on April 25, 2018, 07:09:34 PM
Yea you're both right because the other day she said I'm a boy and nothing about me is a girl...not my face, body or height.

Sounds like someone is in denial

I had a very strange experience at my speech therapy appointment. Honestly, I am a bit freaked out about it and google is not helping me find answers.

So, everything was going really well at the appointment, as apparently I was blowing through all the material they had planned to teach me, however during the entire session I felt very, very weird. This may sound bizarre, but I felt like at any moment I could lose my consciousness I guess? Like, I felt like I was going to black out or something, but I can't really explain the feeling.

This is were it gets a bit odd. They told me I needed to use my hands more when I speak, and before I even did anything they started to praise me telling me that I did a good job moving my hands....what the heck? I felt so confused and freaked out. I have no, and I mean NO memory of moving my hands...at all. It was like time was missing and for a few minutes I was not there. Honestly, I do not know how else to explain it. I did not know what to do so I kinda just played along and pretended to know what they were talking about.

I keep thinking about it, and the only thing I can think of is that I was just tired maybe, but I did not feel tired at all so...I don't know. This has never happened to me before in my life. Maybe it has something to do with stress? I was not expecting someone else to be there at the appointment, which triggered my anxiety and made me feel nervous. I don't know but I wish I did.

Quote from: TicTac on April 26, 2018, 01:32:01 PM
I had a very strange experience at my speech therapy appointment. Honestly, I am a bit freaked out about it and google is not helping me find answers.

So, everything was going really well at the appointment, as apparently I was blowing through all the material they had planned to teach me, however during the entire session I felt very, very weird. This may sound bizarre, but I felt like at any moment I could lose my consciousness I guess? Like, I felt like I was going to black out or something, but I can't really explain the feeling.

This is were it gets a bit odd. They told me I needed to use my hands more when I speak, and before I even did anything they started to praise me telling me that I did a good job moving my hands....what the heck? I felt so confused and freaked out. I have no, and I mean NO memory of moving my hands...at all. It was like time was missing and for a few minutes I was not there. Honestly, I do not know how else to explain it. I did not know what to do so I kinda just played along and pretended to know what they were talking about.

I keep thinking about it, and the only thing I can think of is that I was just tired maybe, but I did not feel tired at all so...I don't know. This has never happened to me before in my life. Maybe it has something to do with stress? I was not expecting someone else to be there at the appointment, which triggered my anxiety and made me feel nervous. I don't know but I wish I did.

Oh wow that must've been scary to have someone else there that you weren't expecting. It definitely sounds like it was stressful for you. I tend to speak up and so I'm curious if you happened to mention that? Just simply "I wasn't expecting there to be someone else here". Sometimes it's hard to at first but I gaurantee being upfront is something anyone can gradually work on. This is your session, time, and money! But congrats on making it through!

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Quote from: TicTac on April 26, 2018, 01:32:01 PM
I had a very strange experience at my speech therapy appointment. Honestly, I am a bit freaked out about it and google is not helping me find answers.

This is something you should discuss with your therapist. I can think of several things it might be from simply stress to some pretty far out things I am not going to mention at this time. It really should be addressed as at the moment you don't know the extent of it and it could become a problem latter on.

Quote from: Allison S on April 26, 2018, 02:15:40 PM
Oh wow that must've been scary to have someone else there that you weren't expecting. It definitely sounds like it was stressful for you. I tend to speak up and so I'm curious if you happened to mention that? Just simply "I wasn't expecting there to be someone else here". Sometimes it's hard to at first but I gaurantee being upfront is something anyone can gradually work on. This is your session, time, and money! But congrats on making it through!

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I never speak up because I do not want to come off as mean or something. Also, she was really nice and I did not want to hurt her feelings. I have attempted to be upfront before and I literally cannot do it lol. Ugh I am such a weakling  :(

Thanks! I was super nervous though and all I wanted was to disappear...and that almost happened lol. 

Quote from: Dena on April 26, 2018, 06:14:37 PM
This is something you should discuss with your therapist. I can think of several things it might be from simply stress to some pretty far out things I am not going to mention at this time. It really should be addressed as at the moment you don't know the extent of it and it could become a problem latter on.

Yeah, my therapist hosts a transgender group thing that I just started going to (was a nervous mess there too lol) and I thought about bringing it up to her after its over. I also forgot to mention that I had a strange headache but it did not hurt rather it felt more like pressure and the feeling of a lightheadedness. Very odd.

This strange pressure feeling appeared a week ago when I fell into a deep depression that I am still trying to get out of. I don't know, I guess I just feel really stressed out and filled with a ton of anxiety. I am such a complete mess at the moment.  I hope there is not something wrong with my brain or anything  :( Heck, even now my head feels super odd and it only happens when I get depressed/stressed out.

Anyways, thank you for the reply!

I just can't understand how my mom has let herself go. It saddens me she says she doesn't drink water and then there's other things I won't mention. I'm not saying this because she's my mom but she's a beautiful woman... and it's not like she doesn't have the time and resources. I stayed with her a few days and I helped her a bit which she was receptive of. I just don't understand her dependency tendencies. It's really not cute!!

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No matter where you go in life there will always be a dumb cow in the road

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180501/67b24abb91902f880c7e564473cda066.jpg)
Meeting some friends tonight and this will be how it goes. It's pretty much like this now only just me in my head.


Claire-

I was at dinner with friends last night. There was a couple, man and woman, sitting next to us. I noticed he kept staring at me the entire time.. I felt awful for his wife sitting right there with him... I can't believe someone would do that [emoji26]
My friend said he didn't look over at the guy but could feel the staring. Ugh idk what to think anymore

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Quote from: Allison S on May 01, 2018, 10:51:11 AM
I was at dinner with friends last night. There was a couple, man and woman, sitting next to us. I noticed he kept staring at me the entire time.. I felt awful for his wife sitting right there with him... I can't believe someone would do that [emoji26]
My friend said he didn't look over at the guy but could feel the staring. Ugh idk what to think anymore

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If someone was sitting near me and obviously staring at me.  I would look him straight in the eye and say, " whatcha lookin' at Willis?"  It's very rude!  If it continued, I would speak to the manager.

Quote from: Jessica on May 01, 2018, 10:56:15 AM
If someone was sitting near me and obviously staring at me.  I would look him straight in the eye and say, " whatcha lookin' at Willis?"  It's very rude!  If it continued, I would speak to the manager.

That's the thing, he kept looking away as soon as I would look over.. the thing is one of my friends was sitting on my right closer to the couples table.. well they didn't stay very long

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Quote from: Allison S on May 01, 2018, 11:02:24 AM
That's the thing, he kept looking away as soon as I would look over.. the thing is one of my friends was sitting on my right closer to the couples table.. well they didn't stay very long

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This is staring, but at a lesser degree than what I was thinking.  I'd chalk it up to curiosity.  Often it's without malice, just new.  Rude all the same though.

Quote from: Jessica on May 01, 2018, 11:05:17 AM
This is staring, but at a lesser degree than what I was thinking.  I'd chalk it up to curiosity.  Often it's without malice, just new.  Rude all the same though.

I just felt bad for his wife/gf.. It is rude

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Quote from: Allison S on May 01, 2018, 10:51:11 AM
I was at dinner with friends last night. There was a couple, man and woman, sitting next to us. I noticed he kept staring at me the entire time.. I felt awful for his wife sitting right there with him... I can't believe someone would do that [emoji26]
My friend said he didn't look over at the guy but could feel the staring. Ugh idk what to think anymore

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@Allison S   .... This is so sad for sure.  Unfortunately for just about all of us that have transitioned or are transitioning ... this is not new news.   I hope that the wife gave him the riot act for his bad behavior.

I liked the reply post from @Jessica ... "Whatcha lookin' at.........." 
I have done that too, acknowledge and call the perpetrator out verbally so that everyone can hear.   My usually comment is... "Take a picture, it will last longer."

Please promise me that you will never let that sort of rude behavior detract you from concentrating on your transition journey and goals.  Keep going out there and presenting yourself... that is one of the best ways that you can continually progress.

Sorry you had to go through that.... thanks for your posting.
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on May 01, 2018, 02:49:32 PM
@Allison S   .... This is so sad for sure.  Unfortunately for just about all of us that have transitioned or are transitioning ... this is not new news.   I hope that the wife gave him the riot act for his bad behavior.

I liked the reply post from @Jessica ... "Whatcha lookin' at.........." 
I have done that too, acknowledge and call the perpetrator out verbally so that everyone can hear.   My usually comment is... "Take a picture, it will last longer."

Please promise me that you will never let that sort of rude behavior detract you from concentrating on your transition journey and goals.  Keep going out there and presenting yourself... that is one of the best ways that you can continually progress.

Sorry you had to go through that.... thanks for your posting.
Hugs,
Danielle

Well I was uncomfortable because his wife was sitting right across from him. Otherwise I wouldn't care, not the first or last guy to check me out. Usually they're not as bold about it..

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I wonder if there has been a "What are you thinking" thread that has went past 2,000 posts accidentally before being locked.

I've been thinking about retirement.

Next month I'll be 59. I can retire in three years, wait another eight or wait eleven. For those others to be worth while I'd need to keep the same income or better for all that time which will be hard. If I retire at 62 I'll be able to retire with about the same income I have now but probably untaxed.

Unfortunately, that isn't quite a living wage here, my marriage is winding up, and the only thing keeping me here is Randi, anyway. So, I'm looking at affordablebpossibilities. The top of my list right now is Cozumel, Mexico. Lots of research yet to do. Lots of tasks, too. In Central America,and the affordable places here I need to be stealth. I also have to get a lot better with Spanish.

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

That I'm not sure how I'm not in a psych hospital right now and somehow managing things I never thought I could

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Quote from: Allison S on May 15, 2018, 01:33:50 PM
That I'm not sure how I'm not in a psych hospital right now and somehow managing things I never thought I could

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Because being pre-transition puts so much extra stress on us that everything seems easier after we start transitioning?

I know the garbage I'm going through would have killed me pre-transition. (Of course much of it is attributable to my transition.)

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

Quote from: Dee Marshall on May 15, 2018, 02:55:46 PM
Because being pre-transition puts so much extra stress on us that everything seems easier after we start transitioning?

I know the garbage I'm going through would have killed me pre-transition. (Of course much of it is attributable to my transition.)

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

Maybe, I did feel better after letting that out. Then I talked to my mom and said a few more things I've been holding on to, and didn't even think I cared much.

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I don't need you to be my "Voice for The Voiceless!"  Just pass me the damn microphone!

Thinking about my next Therapy session and how scary it is,  the first session i went to was just going through my history and i casually mentioned i have thoughts about my gender, and would like to explore that more in the next session which is next Wednesday super nervous

I am wondering why I keep myself up this late. Also, it seems that I am hungry so there is that. These are some pretty interesting thoughts here  :laugh:

I'm still here.

Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but it is what it is.

Oh, and hospitals suck.

Glad you're still here Seph.

"Oh, and hospitals suck" - True that

Hugs

Hospitals suck? Tell me about it!!!!

So glad you are OK Hon

Quote from: Sephirah on May 26, 2018, 04:01:35 PM
I'm still here.

Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but it is what it is.

Oh, and hospitals suck.

It is a good thing :)

AND YES.  Hospitals do suck

I'm wondering if it's possible to actually die of boredom

You can tell when it's closing time at Pub Pubmed, all the self-edjamucated doctors show up here!  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Pride goeth before a summer.

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

I have been accused of not thinking. But I am returning to the therapist to see if I can work out my phobias. I am a long distance from where I was when I started but there is still more to come. It took so long to get here there is nothing that is going to turn me back.

I really wish I knew why suddenly I'm kryptonite for scruffy old men in gas stations. Why do they insist on trying to chat me up?

I need a t-shirt that says "Dyke" in rainbow colors.



I need that shirt even if they don't hit on me.

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

I'm thinking that I am so blessed and lucky. Thinking about the winding roads in my life, the curve balls, the good memories, friends who have passed, thinking of the nightmares that I still have from the horrors of my past, thinking about what I can do now and what i can do tomorrow to make my future better. I can go on and on, thinking about what i want to focus on during my swim practice tomorrow and what suit to wear, my mind just wanders often making it hard to sleep.

I'm going in for the carrot cake.  ;D

I'm up too early [emoji17]

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Jayroy's post count is higher than mine!  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Watching the film Equilibrium.

When I first watched it about 15 years ago,  I idealised the suppression of emotion and clarity of thought that world offered. At the time, suppression of my own emotional thoughts and feelings allowed me to live (in a fashion) in the closet and to function.

Watching it again now, I see how far I have come in my emotional journey. How much I treasure my emotions,  how they guide my thoughts, and the colour they bring into my soul. [emoji4]

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Part of me wants to go check out the Ftm section, but I don't have the stones to do that right now.  That would only heighten my dysphoria being a non-transitioner.....

I don't know if my current aches and pains are from HRT or something else.

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

If most folks can't get me right in this day and age, why should I care what they think about people from 2,000 years ago?

I spent all morning talking to this girl, and it's been about an hour and a half since she last replied to me now. My anxiety is through the roof. Logically, I know that she's more than likely just busy, but the emotional side of my brain is telling me that I did something wrong and she hates me now and I'll never find any other friends. I take medicine for this crap and it just doesn't go away. I always assume the worst.

I really need to move to Antarctica. I cannot stand this hot weather and sunlight. Uggggggh. I have a love/hate relationship with the sun. I love to hate it. Give me cold and dark any time.

I shouldn't let myself get depressed, but sometimes it happens eh

This can't be my reality

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It's really interesting to me the vibe I get off different people here. Not so much from what they say, but how they say it. I wonder if the internet has a version of body language. Subconscious signals prevalent in people's posts, regardless of the words they use. I don't know. Maybe it's down to simply language choice and attitude, I really don't know. But some people feel so different to what they say, and some people feel like they don't need to say anything at all. Sometimes that feeling is more powerful than the words on the screen.

Maybe I'm just crazy, lol. No.. actually I probably am crazy. But even so. It's interesting. :P I get feelings about people face to face, from the way they are. It's not my place to really say anything about it, it's just interesting the gut feelings i get. I wonder where it comes from.

Spent the last couple of days fuming over my experience with the last doctor I saw about this. I experienced the gatekeeping I heard happened for the first time, along with every excuse under the sun as to why I shouldnt transition, and now see it as it is: the NHS doing it's thing.

But from this, something else has come, that I think is really important, my 'I've had it now' feeling. I feel a few cogs turning in me that haven't moved in a long time. It might have taken this to get me to think 'how dare you say that to me' or 'how dare someone else have the nerve to tell me who I am and how I should feel, what I should do etc.' And then very quickly that's been the whole problem with years of my life. I've LET people, my family, former friends, partners do that to me, and now I don't even care about getting a diagnosis to 'confirm' if I am 'trans enough.' I know I am trans because I do not feel my identity is congruent with my biology and my sex. I do not need another person's approval, especially not someone who isn't experiencing what I am feeling to tell me I'm too young, my hobbies aren't feminine enough and that (in spite of years of testing throughout school that showed otherwise) within 30 minutes they believe I am autistic and thus I am not trans (because that makes any sense right?)

I know me, I know my feelings and thoughts and i will not go quietly. It may be a slow battle but I will come out on top better for this epiphany and I will absolutely be who I am meant to. If that means my transition is hormonal, social, next year or in 30 years, if I do or dont go on hormones in the end, if I grow comfortable enough to live as I am with love and support from myself (first an foremost) and others, or I lead the double life I basically am now, it wont matter.

Now if you all excuse me, Im going to bed ready to slay tomorrow.

I was supposed to graduate last year, but I had to drop out because of my mental health. I keep thinking about it and it makes me so sick. I had so much potential. I HAVE so much potential. But I'll never get to see it realized because I can't do anything on my own.

One time, in school, I made a counselor tear up because he wanted to help me but didn't know how. That sticks with me, too. No one knows what's wrong with me. I don't know where to go from here.

I needs me one of these T-Shirts!!!

(https://i.etsystatic.com/7081404/r/il/3e7c6e/1592634902/il_570xN.1592634902_dx4i.jpg)

I used to be really obsessed with this one "adult" actress in high school, and I just matched with her on OkCupid. This is simultaneously the most awkward and most awesome thing that's happened in a while

Nearly got into an accident yesterday. The car in front of me was distracted and plowed into the one in front of him, and I came within inches of becoming a part of the whole thing. It was nuts. If I was in my old car, I would have absolutely hit him.

The part that I hate most, though, is that my dashcam failed to save the video.

Quote from: 4A-GZE on September 10, 2018, 05:47:34 AM
Nearly got into an accident yesterday. The car in front of me was distracted and plowed into the one in front of him, and I came within inches of becoming a part of the whole thing. It was nuts. If I was in my old car, I would have absolutely hit him.

The part that I hate most, though, is that my dashcam failed to save the video.

Wow well I'm glad you didn't get into a car accident.

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Today is 9/17. My HRT anniversary is 9/7 and this past one was 4 years. Being female is so automatic now that the day passed without note and I actually just realized today that I missed it. I'll pay more attention to the next one 'cause that's when mammograms become recommended. Also, some time this past summer I stopped spending so much time here. I'm not so sure why. It's not as if I'm so darn busy.

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I saw a man sitting in a very weird position on a subway car. His legs were wide open and arms placed on top of them. I noticed he was staring directly at the woman across from him. Never flinching or looking away. She didn't seem to mind at all. They both got off at the same stop, but just stood there and he approached her. I think they exchanged numbers.
It was just really interesting to witness- "mating at it's best". The guy wasn't the most attractive, but not bad looking either. His masculinity seemed so performed, or maybe that's my perception.

I should probably start a topic about how to carry on day to day with a new role as a "woman". I never had anything close to that happen to me personally, but I want to be prepared just in case..

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That saying anything about myself is a ferociously horrible thing to do and it just pushes people away. I need to be who everyone expects me to be. I kinda always knew that but every time I take that step out... I get pushed back in. I dunno. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes if people think I'm less than this superhuman force for good, some angel on everyone's shoulder, they don't want anything more to do with me. And... yeah. It hurts to be human sometimes. :( It hurts to make everyone else smile when you feel like crying.

Sorry, don't mind me. Just one of those days.

Quote from: Sephirah on September 26, 2018, 03:37:16 PM
That saying anything about myself is a ferociously horrible thing to do and it just pushes people away. I need to be who everyone expects me to be. I kinda always knew that but every time I take that step out... I get pushed back in. I dunno. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes if people think I'm less than this superhuman force for good, some angel on everyone's shoulder, they don't want anything more to do with me. And... yeah. It hurts to be human sometimes. :( It hurts to make everyone else smile when you feel like crying.

Sorry, don't mind me. Just one of those days.

My Dear Sephirah,

  You do such a good job supporting others here. Your words of encouragement help all those reading them. I have been helped by you at times when I felt my lowest and thought all hope was gone. Thank you, Hun. Life can be hard for all of us and some it has been particularly cruel too. It is at these times that we need someone to reach out to us and lend a hand to help lift us back up onto or feet and give us hope to carry on. You, my Dear, do this particularly well. Again I thank you for not only the help you have given to me personally, but for everyone on this site that you have helped.
  It appears that this is a time tat you need someone to reach out to you. I am doing that Sephirah. I am available to you if only to listen if that is what you need. I have skype if that meets your need also. Voice, Video, PM, or messenger, I am here for you Hon. Contact me if you feel the need.

  I believe in you Sephirah.

Hugs & love,
  Laurie

@Sephirah

I have this resentment that people act differently with me because I'm trans. I don't know for sure what the underlying issue is, but I just feel on edge and alert all the time. Mostly when I'm in public... I know it has to do with my safety, but even when I'm perfectly safe, I'm fearful I could be hurt. It's mostly in terms of strangers not really seeing me as a woman and then treating me as a second class citizen.

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Debating bringing a copy of my learning disability assessments to my second opinion as a middle finger to the last doctors need to keep pushing me as 'autistic not trans.'

Quote from: jaybutterfly on October 02, 2018, 07:30:49 PM
Debating bringing a copy of my learning disability assessments to my second opinion as a middle finger to the last doctors need to keep pushing me as 'autistic not trans.'

I'm really really sorry you went through that. I can imagine quite well the anxiety and awkwardness that conversation caused. :( And yes, that's a good strategy, though ever so depressing it should even be NECESSARY.
Very glad you're not going back to that gollum with a FOX News issued medical license!

*

I'm thinking, very deeply and meaningfully, Dang...I really love florentine lasagna <3

Why do I bother even getting out of bed anymore?

Yeah, I didn't think so. 8)

I should NOT have eaten that third habanero popper last night  :o

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on October 15, 2018, 06:11:04 AM
I should NOT have eaten that third habanero popper last night  :o

It isn't getting them in that's the big problem!  >:-)

The amount of hopelessness and helplessness I been feeling for over a month now.
I can't get over being turned down the opportunity to work in the pharmacy at my work despite proving, for almost a year now, that I am well capable but all they see is that I learn at a slower pace (due to having a learning disability) and so they rather transfer someone else in than to give an opportunity.  :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

Quote from: EmilyRyan on October 18, 2018, 12:18:14 AM
The amount of hopelessness and helplessness I been feeling for over a month now.
I can't get over being turned down the opportunity to work in the pharmacy at my work despite proving, for almost a year now, that I am well capable but all they see is that I learn at a slower pace (due to having a learning disability) and so they rather transfer someone else in than to give an opportunity.  :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

Hi EmilyRyan, I responded to your thread recently. I'm sorry about being turned for the pharmacy job [emoji20]
I just want to say again that making 1 year at your job is a big deal! I know it's hard to be upbeat about that since you were turned down though.
I wonder, are you transgender or transitioning? Your posts never really mention this, which is totally okay. But I'm just wondering

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Quote from: Allison S on October 18, 2018, 03:36:57 PM

Hi EmilyRyan, I responded to your thread recently. I'm sorry about being turned for the pharmacy job [emoji20]
I just want to say again that making 1 year at your job is a big deal! I know it's hard to be upbeat about that since you were turned down though.
I wonder, are you transgender or transitioning? Your posts never really mention this, which is totally okay. But I'm just wondering

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Yeah I've been too consumed with everything else in my life I sometimes forget I too am Transgender (male to female) and fortunate to be on hormones for 16 months now.

Thinking that was only a matter of time.

Before divisive politics took its toll?

Exactly.

I feel ya. 

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on October 22, 2018, 11:20:52 AM
I feel ya. 

<cue South Park> "I learned something here today"

...but I'll probably forget it tomorrow!  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

I vote libertarian, I'm everone's scapegoat.

The only thing I know about politics is about the same as religion - Never trust any of them

Oh, and I have in my possession the most potent red onion in the world!!!  :D

Quote from: Devlyn on October 22, 2018, 09:41:38 AM
Thinking that was only a matter of time.

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on October 22, 2018, 10:28:26 AM
Before divisive politics took its toll?

@Colleen_definitely   
@Devyn

EXACTLY what I was thinking....

Danielle

... lifted from another thread:

Quote from: Megan. on October 22, 2018, 01:07:40 PM
Any politically partisan posts in any of my threads will result in me deleting the ENTIRE thread, I WILL NOT tolerate biggotry in my own threads the like of which I'm already witnessing on this site elsewhere.

The same policy applies to my threads.

Shake your twisted luffa like a bad dog

Quote from: Devlyn on October 24, 2018, 06:27:40 AM
I'm going to the store. You all have about twenty minutes to flame me.  [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23]

Form an orderly line behind me people... No pushing at the back! [emoji16]

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The inquisition knew fastest way to burn calories  ::) a lot of side effects though :(

Quote from: Alice V on October 24, 2018, 06:34:40 AM
The inquisition knew fastest way to burn calories  ::) a lot of side effects though :(

And they're always showing up unexpectedly.

The booze is talking.  :laugh:

I've just read some text about saccades. Our vision have only 1-2 degree angle where it have HD image. To make fix this, our eyes 3 times per second making fast move and gathering info for wide HD image. When it happens, our brain shutdown our vision entirely to make sure we don't get blurred image and in purpose of hide this moments it edit our memories by inserting there received image making us think that we saw it while was completely blind.

Our mind deceiving us.

There's nothing quite like feeling flash burned and that smell of burnt popcorn from a facial laser treatment to start a Friday afternoon

I love George Carlin's shows.

Well, liking my voice is a struggle. I never had a very deep and masculine voice like my brother. I couldn't even get it there if I tried. And I don't sound like any of my sisters either. Though they do all sound similar. I think my voice has always been in the andro range, and I do have dysphoria around that.
Lately when I record my voice, it sounds a bit husky still, but a bit more on the feminine side.
Guys still ma'am/miss me when they hear my voice, but women.. Not so much. I definitely have gotten a few weird looks from women.

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Hate it when I say something on point and the person deletes the thread.  :laugh:

Stole dozen pens from soon-will-be-former job. Plus few sticker packs. Pity there isn't some VGA/DVI adapters :(

I'm sitting here like an idiot surrounded by literally hundreds of liters of liquid helium and I didn't bring a single red balloon on this Halloween day...

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on October 31, 2018, 01:32:02 PM
I'm sitting here like an idiot surrounded by literally hundreds of liters of liquid helium and I didn't bring a single red balloon on this Halloween day...

Pity :(

I drank coffee and I'm still exhausted

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Quote from: Allison S on November 01, 2018, 09:40:10 PM
I drank coffee and I'm still exhausted

Time to move up to espresso!  ;D

No matter how hard I work I'm never good enough  :'(

Quote from: EmilyRyan on November 02, 2018, 03:13:17 AM
No matter how hard I work I'm never good enough  :'(

I think almost everyone is in this boat. We always have room for improvement.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

Everyone where I work has had at least one promotion even those who been there way less than I have and I continue to be overlooked  :'( :'( :'( :'(

p.s. I know why and it's wrong but sadly legal in my state (and doesn't have anything to do with being trans) 

Quote from: EmilyRyan on November 02, 2018, 03:13:17 AM
No matter how hard I work I'm never good enough  :'(

Quote from: EmilyRyan on November 02, 2018, 03:50:18 AM
Everyone where I work has had at least one promotion even those who been there way less than I have and I continue to be overlooked  :'( :'( :'( :'(

p.s. I know why and it's wrong but sadly legal in my state (and doesn't have anything to do with being trans)

I'm sorry.. If you've saved some money or found a way to get health insurance (maybe medicaid? If you're not making much you might qualify), I would recommend seeing a specialist. You mentioned you're trans and on hrt, so I'm sure you see at least 1 doctor somewhat regularly? Why not ask them? Just tell your doctor you've been struggle and that you think you have a learning disability. Even if they're giving you trans care, they could still help guide you

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Quote from: Devlyn on November 02, 2018, 01:37:43 AM
Time to move up to espresso!  ;D

Mm that does sound good too!

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I'm a little jealous about holidays in other countries. We use every holiday just as reason to get ourself drunk. Or it's just me? Probably, not.

Something might be wrong with me. I'm willingly listening to b>-bleeped-<ipes.

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Thinking about disappearing into the wild

Quote from: V M on November 11, 2018, 10:30:03 AM
Thinking about disappearing into the wild

Your posts are always so sad [emoji20]

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A painless way to cut myself

One boy posted video, where he made statement that school teach us herecy and earth actually flat, and he got his followers, now we here have flatearthlings cult.
He found his inspiration in videos of radical orthodoxal man who call people to take childrens out of schools and kill homosexuals and scientists. And obviously he have his followers.

I will never be disappointed in humanity stupidity.

Boob jobs run a bit over $35,000 per gallon.

Gasoline doesn't seem so awful any more.

I want to try contact juggling. I remember regular juggling wasn't so hard.

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on December 01, 2018, 12:15:02 PM
Boob jobs run a bit over $35,000 per gallon.

Gasoline doesn't seem so awful any more.

Hi Colleen, we are just over $2 a liter here in New Zealand or $8 a gallon US. Haven't worked out our $ per boob yet. [emoji12]


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Wow I'm mentally tired and where's the off button?

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wish my wrist was sorted and the GIC would get a move on

I'm tired of Christmas music.

Lisa

Quote from: Aceofblackdiamonds on December 04, 2018, 03:48:49 PM
I'm tired of Christmas music.

Lisa

I'm beyond tired of Christmas music LOL

Quote from: V M on December 04, 2018, 03:56:43 PM
I'm beyond tired of Christmas music LOL

Oh dear and only another 20 days to go [emoji6][emoji849][emoji2]


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Quote from: Aceofblackdiamonds on December 04, 2018, 03:48:49 PM
I'm tired of Christmas music.

Lisa

I whistle Christmas songs in the middle of summer.  :)

Quote from: Devlyn on December 04, 2018, 04:11:13 PM
I whistle Christmas songs in the middle of summer.  :)

I even find myself whistling the dreidel song!

If ancient aliens are real could they transform my body with their gadgets?

Lisa

Quote from: LizK on December 04, 2018, 04:09:30 PM
Oh dear and only another 20 days to go [emoji6][emoji849][emoji2]


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No worries, there are a few other issues that I'm quite worn with right now

I already miss sleeping on my side

Quote from: Jessica on December 04, 2018, 04:25:37 PM
I even find myself whistling the dreidel song!

My son, Clayton (nicknamed Clay), came home from preschool singing "dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made it out of me!"

At 34 we still tell that story to every girl he brings home.

It's been a few years, I don't.think he's dating anymore! [emoji16]

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I need to get more sleep

OMG my back is itchy!!!


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Not sure what to think about guys in my driving drunk class waiting on me and chatting me up. They're either my age or a bit older and handsome so I'm not complaining [emoji23]

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Thinking stuck in as cant be bothered to go out as its cold and wet so going to cook something !!!

Thinking of sending two letters. One to the gender services in Leeds who helped me get going to where I am now in private therapy, and one to the doctor who was really friggin rude to me (under advice from my GP) to express I disagree with his medical opinion and that while I did not appreciate how he treated me, I am taking it as a communication issue between us both and that I am seeking private therapy now.

Of course I think he's a total tool but it at least closes it for me by saying my peace, you know?

I've been saving money so hard soon i can soon have a baseline deposit for a house. I now just need a full time job to secure a mortgage and I'll be free as a pink pink white and blue bird can be ^_^

I am thinking that the high temps will be in the 40's and it is great for walking places. I walked two miles to the store and back. It felt good. I really like walking.

I am so knackered. One more day of work and I am taking a break for a week no matter what. Screw the schoolwork

Winter, yup winter. I drove home today from being away for a couple of days and it was stiff winter driving conditions with heavy snow happening at around 32f/0c which made for some interesting roads. Got to my driveway, which is the steepest in the neighbourhood and dang, I had to put my chains on to get up it. About 8in/20cm of moist snow, it appears that it will snow all night and may blow us in too. So my thoughts are, Winter, and it is here big time! 
Liina

The constant feeling of never being good enough  :'( :'( :'(

I'm thinking how happy I am to be in this place in life.  Today, for the first time ever, I threw some men's clothes out for a change.  Yey, I love being me (mostly) :)

Hugs to All

I'm so tired. I want to sleep but I can't. And when I can... I just want to sleep forever.

I'm not okay

Dealing with the insurance company is just so aggravating!

No thoughts in over a week?  Really????

Quote from: King Malachite on January 06, 2019, 06:36:58 PM
No thoughts in over a week?  Really????

Too much holidays?

Quote from: SarahM777 on January 06, 2019, 06:50:57 PM
Too much holidays?

Maybe people are still trying to recover from the dinners!

Dear friends! As far as this thread is kinda general, I wanted to find out what antiviruses do you use? I'm torn between avast vs bitdefender but maybe there are more decent options. Cybersecurity is a thing we should worry more about today a lot, after all.





*Members with a post rank of "family" or higher may post links to off site information provided that the information does not otherwise violate the Terms of Service. This is a privilege that will be revoked if abused.*

I'm thinking I'm in a quandary.

I was all prepared to get some boob suckers to try them out for breast enlargement and then I get a clearance email for 3d printing resin at unbelievable prices.

It's either/or for me, and while I really would like larger boobs, I stand a chance of making money with the resin, which in turn could help me get the boob suckers, too.

Gah!

^^ I'm thinking my previous post would have made a lot more sense in the context of another thread here on Susan's Place.  :icon_redface:

What the correct way of /writingtyping "date-able" is.  I hate the hyphen in the middle, if that is the correct way to spell that.

Quote from: King Malachite on April 04, 2019, 07:24:43 AM
What the correct way of /writingtyping "date-able" is.  I hate the hyphen in the middle, if that is the correct way to spell that.

I've seen this word written as "datable" although this site's spell checker finds it in error.

Quote from: CynthiaAnn on April 04, 2019, 09:04:19 AM
I've seen this word written as "datable" although this site's spell checker finds it in error.

I thought that would have been an acceptable way of spelling it, as well, but the spell checker messed with my OCD, lol.

I am thinking today - The things "cis girls" throw away. Our oldest daughter (late 20's) was cleaning out all her cosmetics, lotions, body cremes, perfumes, body sprays, she cleared off this huge space on her dresser that was just full of "girlie goodies". So I stop her before she throws it all out, and go through this bag of stuff, I found several things that were virtually brand new and some of it smelled really good, nothing wrong it, she just did not like the scent ! It's endless....

C -

Check them well Cynthia.  There is a good article in the Real Simple magazine I received today about when to thin out the make up table.  Some items so have dates and others you can tell are not longer viable by the look of them.

J

I'm thinking that I hope I made the right choice and I went with the Bussom Beauty rather than the 3d printing resin.

Quote from: JudiBlueEyes on April 04, 2019, 09:51:56 PM
Check them well Cynthia.  There is a good article in the Real Simple magazine I received today about when to thin out the make up table.  Some items so have dates and others you can tell are not longer viable by the look of them.

J

You are correct Judi, and I would add many of things she did not want were probably gifts. The things I kept were like brand new (just last Xmas).

Have a wonderful day !

C -

I am thinking I am stuck at work today, but it's raining out so I am not missing hiking or biking as much, last weekend was awesome...

I am thinking it's fun to distract myself here on the board in between work tasks...

C -

A lot of people I know are dying or dead lately. I've been contemplating the inevitable but failing to be roused at all to any kind of emotion about it. I suppose I got that all over with a long time ago now.

at my age, I've seen a lot of friends / family fall by the way side, everyday I can walk, see, hear, laugh and love is true gift, I reminded of our mortality often, the latest reminder is a dear friend from HS, suffering a terrible death by brain cancer, this person is just so smart and such a genuine soul, it makes me take pause and be grateful for the minutes I have left. The days I can walk this earth, without that hideous condition reminding me of how it was....

I wonder if my supervisor have it out for me.

Quote from: TicTac on April 11, 2018, 01:30:10 AM
Well, I am thinking about how society should not put so much pressure on young adults. People expect you to move out at 18, and finish college at 21 or something . . .

lol or, according to The Southern Way of doing things, Join The Military? The only reason I had to move out was because of The Evil-One, >:-) step-mother #2 otherwise father wanted me to stay! Am trying to convince my two to move back home "independence" is overrated, think they're finding it's not what it's so cracked up to be!

        I'm thinking I finally lost 10lbs this week yea! Used to think "surgical assistance" was the only real way to transition but after 40 years of being constantly broke due "family" am not so sure, "au natural" is taking it's toll, people are now asking my daughter "is that a man or woman"? (lol thx ya could 'ave left the "wrinkly old" part OUT!)

Am also thinking getting custody of both my kids when son turned 14 was, despite all, GREAT! Had to pause and really think when Judge only asked me one question: "What are their birthdays?" ??? Thanks Dad(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcowetasolar.net%2Fimages%2Fmoresmilies%2Fkiss.gif&hash=eaea8338890b7c295c7473915dc3ca980a82c597)(RIP) for being there for me!

I sometimes wonder if that nail I just picked up out of the road will alter the course of events in the future

C -

It would probably be in my best interests to start looking for a new PC sooner rather than later

My health insurance company is getting after me to complete a cervical exam....

I have so many unresolved childhood traumas....

Springsteen has a new album coming out. I need to get a copy. It's Boss time!

I want to watch "Close Encounters of The Third Kind" But I am too lazy to dig out.

I want to work part time as a bridal consultant. No one in their right mind would hire me to work in such a place. Your not a real girl. Women would feel uncomfortable around me.

Lisa

It's my birthday and I have to fold my clothes 🙇‍♀️

 :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: Jessica  :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday:

Quote from: V M on April 29, 2019, 07:50:03 PM
:icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: Jessica  :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday:

Oh my! Now I'm thinking "That makes me smile"
Thank you Virginia 💕💕💕

Ok so you have to fold laundry, but at least you're not at work!

Have some cake, and happy birthday.

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on April 29, 2019, 08:32:44 PM
Ok so you have to fold laundry, but at least you're not at work!

Have some cake, and happy birthday.

Definitely Colleen!  Thank you very much..... I love cake!

Happy birthday!!!

I'm thinking my Birthday is less than a week away. Yet I can't have spaghetti and meatballs because it's not a Wednesday.  :(  Maybe I will just have a cheeseburger and fries.

Lisa

I'm thinking that I wish my life had a fast forward button. .....  Some things take so long.

Quote from: Bea1968 on April 30, 2019, 03:38:16 PM
I'm thinking that I wish my life had a fast forward button. .....  Some things take so long.

@Bea1968
Dear Bea:
Most transitioners would agree with you,
but as is stated by me and others on the forums regarding HRT
    PATIENCE IS REQUIRED
Usually nothing happens very quickly with HRT, some will see more dramatic changes more quickly and others will see less significant changes more slowly.  It is all up to your unique body and your genetic makeup.

A phrase that is used here on the forums is YMMV,
meaning Your Mileage May Vary. 

There are so many variables in how each body will respond to HRT.   
Remember, puberty in pre-teen girls and pre-teen boys takes many years to come to fruition...  give it time, things will happen... but again,  PATIENCE IS REQUIRED !!!!

Best wishes to you,
Danielle

I'm thinking I had a nice relaxing week with family, and have the laundry going now, sipping coffee...

uff da


C -

Well I am thinking about my upcoming holidays to Europe, a nice break to get away to relax and explore.
4 days away!

Liina

Quote from: Liina on May 12, 2019, 01:25:10 PM
Well I am thinking about my upcoming holidays to Europe, a nice break to get away to relax and explore.
4 days away!

Liina

I'm I jealous? Hecks yeah!!! Have a great time

Hugs

Im in a very mixed state today. I took my mother out for ice cream and to see the sea front near where we lived since the weather was calm and sunny. Ive been discharged from my hospital reviews over my slipped disc which is a plus as the pain is resolved now.

Im in a horrible state of regret and pain over my mother's incoming death, but Im channeling it. Im preparing to DIY my hormones if needs be, and electrolysis is going really well, so thats nice.

Ive been offered a chance to become a personal trainer and earn an actual liveable wage I could use to get a mortage and move out, meaning transition could happen sooner than I thought. I was talking to my electrolysis lady (who is trans) and we were talking about how our times at GIC's were awful experiences. I also decided once I get myself set up, I want to create a programme of fitness and self defense for LGBT people, since apparently there is something of a demand for it, especially among trans people in the UK right now. Hopefully I can do something to empower my local community and improve some people's lives.

Im also going to use this to springboard my own plans to run sport based events to raise money to combat cancer, and do what I can to make sure that by the time Im gone, I will have made a satisfying dent in the scourge that is cancer as payback for what it's done to my mother, and that fewer people go through this.

Tonight I went to the band concert of the high school I grew up in since I'm nearby right now and my dad is the director.

It's been 5 years now since I graduated there. I don't really know how to describe what I'm thinking but it's just been weird to think about how things have changed and that I was sitting in the audience this time instead of being in it playing my Horn. Mostly though I found it so weird to look at the faces and realize this is about the last of the people left that I recognize from when I was in this school now doing THEIR last concert. There will be almost nobody I recognize from my memories after these people leave. It was just such a weird feeling to think about.

Life and auto insurance is much less for females (non smokers) at my age, the underwriters have calculated I have a better chance at living longer.....

risk = $$