Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Synopsis

Obviously, I'm going to blog what basically encapsulates what Sarah has done during her life time, from when she was a young girl to the present day woman.  It is just an overall view of what happened, my thoughts, what I did, what I achieved before, what I achieved after I changed my life around and dreams and plans for the future.  It will convey a sense of who I am,

I will still be very private in nature when I'm writing about myself.  You ask what about the part about being quiet and shy.  Unfortunately, I have grown up and matured and someone said, when I asked about those two traits said, "you are not", I guess I have mellowed in my old age and being quiet and shy no longer serves me, like when I was younger.

So with out further ado, I present my stories.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B

Childhood Memories

I have lived my life as me.  From the beginning as a child that remembers even at kindergarten or even preschool.  I can remember vividly standing in a room with other children and presumably some teachers or carers.  I was looking at a pile of clothes on the floor in the middle of the room.  I don't know, if my memories can recall my age at the time.  I don't think so, however, going back that far and trying to think how old I was at the time would give an indication of when all this started.  Likely around the ages of 4 to 6 years old.

Anyway, I was looking at this pile of clothes and wondering if there are any girl clothes that I could pull from the pile and wear.  The question in regards to this was why would I think this?  This would not be answered by me personally until around the beginning of the year 2010, 52 years later, yikes talk about being kept in the dark!  Or more likely so naive, it's not funny, actually thinking about it is funny and clarification on this and hesitation on my part in regards to this particular situation, forms part of who I am to this day and one further point is that I did not search for any of the why questions and no it did not bother me as to why I did not care.

Hesitation abounded me or filled me from head to toe.  What if someone could see me if I did?  Eventually, I stepped forward to towards that pile of clothes and I rummaged through that enticing pile of clothes, anticipating on finding an article of clothing I would have liked, but to no avail.  As an aside, I wonder what I would have done if I found something nice?  I guess I will never know the answer to that question and I will always cherish this wonderful moment in my life.

Further incidences or activities come to mind, these were brief moments in time and not much detail can be attributed to them.

While on recess, or playtime, games that were played by the girls were general jacks or hop scotch, don't ask me why I did not play with the boys.  I just basically watched the girls play, maybe I just like the games they were playing, however there is that nagging feeling that I should not play those games given that I was not a girl.  So funny that!  I did not realise that I was a girl, but hay, it is what it is.

Watching a music competition on ITV, called Opportunity Knocks, were a contestant named Mary Hopkins of "those were the days" fame won the competition and during the series I was rooting for her all the time.    When the current episode had finished, I went outside to play with a girl who came once a week to visit her relative who lived across the yard.  I always looked forward to this time each week.  Even at a school athletics carnival, I was rooting for girl to throw the ball further than the boys did, who by the way was named Sarah!

Again the proverbial question as to why, these particular activities, this could be put down to normal growing up and nothing stands out amongst these particular incidences, I guess I was just being me,  I was taking ques from somewhere, except for the following two.  Wanting to wear girls school uniform and trying to wear items of my mums clothing resulting in utter failure, I wonder why ha!

There were virtually no children that were female in my immediate family and hence no interaction was possible and one can only surmise what would have happened.  These thoughts and activities I kept to myself.  In a sense given the circumstances that existed at the time and the general feeling towards people like me.  I knew nothing about the community per se.  Why did I have this innate ability to keep these things hidden from everybody around me?  I know I was not versed in what was going on in the world.  This trait that was within me has served me so well, even to this day. 

Just one other thing before I leave my child hood memories behind.  I was getting older and our last move in England resulted in me being able to have my own room.  I believe I got the room because, my mum said to me, I was the eldest and that I did not like my brothers touching and breaking my toys or maybe a girls room for little old me?  I can speculate can I not?

Ok one more final thing, I liked teddy bears and I had several of them.  I can relate to this because I do not like barbie dolls, not now and more than likely not then.  In addition, as far as I know I did not play with truck, cars and male action figures, that my brothers played with.  I just played with my teddy bears and meccano sets.  I was content as a 10 year old female in disguise.

Unfortunately parents being parents, well in my case decided to move to Australia and yes I'm one of those 10 pound pommy kids and nothing was to be seen or heard of Sarah, until I was 17 years old.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B

I have feminine design touches in rooms.  It is nice to express my female self in ways besides personal appearance.

I heard there are some nice beaches in Australia although there are many sharks.
Some beaches I hear are bikini tops optional.

I also heard that kangaroos can be dangerous for people.

I have never been to Australia.

Chrissy

Hi Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 31, 2024, 07:28:01 AMI have feminine design touches in rooms.  It is nice to express my female self in ways besides personal appearance.

I heard there are some nice beaches in Australia although there are many sharks.
Some beaches I hear are bikini tops optional.

I also heard that kangaroos can be dangerous for people.

I have never been to Australia.

Chrissy

The bedroom is basically neutral and the way that I normally express my femininity is clothes, lingerie for special occasions, makeup for when I go to work and special occasions, jewelery is the same and the pièce de résistance my long hair.

All you have to do to find beaches, use google "best and famous beaches".  The one they talk about the most is "Sydney's Bondi Beach".

We have a good collection of nasties, including spiders (funnel web), snakes (western brown), jelly fish (chronis flexis) and sharks (great white).  There is a lot more of them, I just listed the worse.  The most weird one is the platypus, but you would be extremely lucky to come across one.  Oops, one more, the stone fish (deadly spines) cannot swim really.

We have all these nasty creatures including the kangaroo which can kick your guts out if you get into a boxing match with them.  Having them we are able to keep the Americans out.

If you come to Australia.  I will be happy to show you around.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B
PS Just joking about keeping the Americans out ::)

My friend Debs son lives in Oz, he is a stuntman that has done many big movies and worked with Jackie Chan and was the leader of the bad guys in the buggy chase in the last Mad Max movie. She goes to visit when she has the funds and stays for 2months and said she would move there if she could. East coast area where she has made lots of friends. To many nasties and to hot for me !!!

This is a blog, so I guess I have to blog stuff or musings on what is going on with my life. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

So here goes, as some of you may know my mum passed away 18 months ago and her doctor, Dr Terrance of ten plus years, became my doctor.  Since I was mum's carer I went with her to see Dr Terrance, in other words.  I was only there for support.

So my mum's doctor became mine for about 18 months.  He was one of the very few people that I ever told about my medical condition and I felt comfortable in telling him.  However, he decided to retire.  So I asked him, for a doctor at the practice who would be a good one and I went with this doctor, Dr Adam.

When I told my doctor, Dr Terrance about me I told him not to make any notes about my condition so my new doctor, Dr Adam does not know about my condition.  As you can guess I'm in two minds whether to tell my new doctor, Dr Adam.

So I thought maybe I look for a specialist doctor, who has experience in transsexuals (there I said the word, gees I should get over this stupid position of not saying that word).

I found a doctor (damn, I have to find out the name of the doctor, oh well another phone call) who I'm going to see soon.  When I phoned the medical practice up and asked to see this doctor.  I was asked certain questions like what is your birth name? Well it's Sarah, what do you want to be called?, well Sarah.  What pronouns do want to be used? She/Her.  I did not realize at the time that I was outing my self to the receptionist.  It's given that I'm a 'transgender' regardless of whether I pass or not, when I walk into the clinic.  I guess I have to be honest this is a specialist clinic, for LGBTQIA.

Damn this is not what I want and yet, I want to have medical tests or examinations that can be done to check that I'm all right, without my condition being recorded.  I know I have to get over my paranoia.  Yet the innate sense of me being private in this area is so strong, that at the moment it's making me think I will not go to the appointment.

Well, I will put your mind at rest, I will be going and if it turns out all right I will continue to make appointments at this clinic.  If not then, I will not go back and basically my privacy will be secure regardless.  As they say, 'nothing gained, nothing lost',

Small steps, big steps, painful steps, maybe you thought Sarah has it easy in what she does.  Anyway I will let you know what happens, when the time comes.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B

I'm really enjoying reading your blog Sarah, so many parallel experiences!

Oh how I know how you feel about outing yourself prematurely to members in the medical community.  I think we have spent so much time hiding that the muscle memory to control the narrative prevents us from feeling at ease even in medical situations where confidentiality laws are in place to protect us. 

But, I do the same!  I recently asked my trans doctor to refer me to pain management and I asked that they send the referral using my birth name so I could out own self at the time of my choosing. But they mistakenly sent the referral in the name of Brooke, transgender woman.  Good times. 


I hope you are having a great weekend,

Brooke

   

Hi Brooke

Quote from: Brooke Renee on February 03, 2024, 09:05:03 AMI'm really enjoying reading your blog Sarah, so many parallel experiences!

Thank you Brooke for taking the time to read and comment on what I have written it's not much so far, but it is a start.

Quote from: Brooke Renee on February 03, 2024, 09:05:03 AMOh how I know how you feel about outing yourself prematurely to members in the medical community.  I think we have spent so much time hiding that the muscle memory to control the narrative prevents us from feeling at ease even in medical situations where confidentiality laws are in place to protect us.

We have confidentiality laws and all that here in Australia.  I'm not worried about that aspect of it.  If there is a breach, there is nothing that one can really do about it.  Just to note. My previous name is not out there, so I'm safe in that area.

Two things I said to my last doctor Dr Terrance. Please do not write down information regarding my condition on computer and don't upload that information into 'My Health' record (a system that tracks all your health issues), that's not a problem for me as I asked the system to delete my record.  You can do this in Australia.

A little bit more information.  I need a doctor that specializes, obviously in my 'medical condition'.  It's bad enough, that I keep my mouth shut about my past to medical personal as it is.  Take for example the following medical procedures that I have had done recently, a colonoscopy procedure and cortisone injection and I never told the medical profession about my past. Period.  They did the procedures and everything is OK.

I have my phone on silent (number is not revealed) and I ask to see a particular specialist not available until late April (who sounds very good).  A new one is available sooner, that's OK (with experience) and the questions that were being asked, were not to my liking at all.

As I have mentioned, I don't know what the receptionist would know or think, when I rock up to the counter and say Sarah B is here to see Dr So an So!  I don't know what to expect.  I'm so paranoid about revealing myself, it is so ingrained in my physic.

Quote from: Brooke Renee on February 03, 2024, 09:05:03 AMBut, I do the same!  I recently asked my trans doctor to refer me to pain management and I asked that they send the referral using my birth name so I could out own self at the time of my choosing. But they mistakenly sent the referral in the name of Brooke, transgender woman.  Good times.

In my case, this will not happen as I have already mentioned all my documents were changed over 35 odd years ago into my current legal name (one of the first things I did and I have had no repercussions from this) and any records linking my past name have been destroyed. (except for two, tax and immigration).  Unless the test required is specific for a genetic male, for example prostate test.  In which case I will discuss ways to get the results needed with out revealing myself via the tests.

I'm still in two minds whether to go ahead with the appointment, damn!!!

Quote from: Brooke Renee on February 03, 2024, 09:05:03 AMI hope you are having a great weekend,

Brooke

Other than trying to find a new 'doctor', Yes, I'm having a great weekend, I'm moving lock stock and barrel to my property out in the country for some peace and quiet, away from the rat race.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B

Awakening

Then all of sudden between the ages of 10 and 17, nothing, no thoughts crossed my mind, in regards to wanting or wishing I was a girl.  What happened to Sarah?  The main events that occurred during this time was my family moved to Australia, which I consider to be one of the best things they ever did and my father died of myocardial infraction, in Dec 1972, however he was a sick man, he already had suffered two cerebral haemorrhage's, which basically meant he had very high blood pressure which resulted in him taking 13 tablets a day, I assume to control the high blood pressure. However I digress.

Somewhere between 1973 and 1974, a couple of times I was standing in a circle with my friends and one of them who was going to find out all about me in the future.  In fact she was the one I was looking at when the thought crossed my mind that I would like to wear the school dress that she was wearing.

I remember specifically that the dress code for females was a short dress and the colours where the pastel colours lilac, yellow and blue.  I remember looking at my friend and I wished I could wear the lilac coloured dress.  The longing knows no bounds and thinking about it, comes with a heavy heart and sigh.  This is the second time in my life I wanted to wear a dress.

Other than occasionally wearing some female clothing between 1975 and 1976, there was nothing that stood out for me.  I was in boarding school and going home for the holidays, there was not much opportunity to be myself.

During the years from 1977 and 1986, several thoughts, feelings and activities on being a female come to mind during these years.  In the following paragraphs, I describe what was happening to me and they are mentioned in no particular order, suffice to say they happened.  As mentioned these thoughts kept on growing and I guess in a sense they helped me develop as a young lady.

I had just finished high school at boarding school and I was wondering what I was going to do for the rest of my life, because one basically got a trade in those days.  I eventually got a certificate in Civil Engineering.  This course took 4 years part time and completed it in 1980.  This certificate was going to form the basis of my success in living my life as a female.

However, at least a couple of times during those years I was laying on my bed and I was thinking about my issues and what I wanted down stairs and that was, I wanted my private parts gone or to put it in a different way.  I wanted to know what it felt like not having those private parts between my legs.

I believe at the time I put my private parts between my legs (tucked away), then I felt and saw what should have been down there, and to me at the time my thoughts were this, "this is what I want, this is what it should be", or something similar.  Then after a while I got up and continued with whatever I was going to do next.

One time a couple of bags of make up came into our house, not sure on the exact details but, I was able to put together a couple of bags of makeup for myself which came in handy for later on.

So how did I create my basic wardrobe? I looked at various women magazines and looking at the clothes I saw and liked, I occasionally brought some of these items.  This was how I got my personal wardrobe together, in conjunction of going to shops and buying some personal items.  I did buy some personal items from some shops, but it was too nerve racking to do regularly.

I was working part time cleaning while studying for my certificate and I worked full time as a government employee for 10 years.  I paid for my clothes with a personal check, I had a personal mail box, so parcels could be sent to it and no one would be wiser.  I never stole any clothes, because I did not want anybody to know what I was doing.

Where did I store my clothes?  I stored my clothes in a specially made gun box to store my guns.  I kept my guns under my bed, which were not in the gun box.  This was so funny on what I did to hide myself, even then, during these years I did not want to come out.

When I was able to, I got fully dressed and spent some quality time, being myself, one important thing crossed my mind at those times and that was, it felt right, no guilt whatsoever on what I was doing crossed my mind.

However it was not long enough for me and I had to change back.  I never considered that I was a cross dresser to me, that label did not suit me and with thoughts like "I like what I saw" and wearing female clothing was natural and more comfortable than wearing men's clothing. 

Being able to do this and enjoy those moments were few and far between.  To me dressing up as a female was never sexual thing or fetish and definitely it was never for sexual pleasure or gratification.

Funny story,  I had some clothes stored on the top shelf of a cupboard and it was unlocked.  Someone maybe my brothers or cousin happened to have a look inside and maybe noticed what was there, so that individual went out and told the others.  Realising what was going on I took the clothes out put them in the gun box and locked the cupboard.

After I had locked the cupboard my brothers and cousin were trying to get into the cupboard, I was laying on my bed watching them which was so funny, I knew that one of them saw something and then told the others.  Eventually I opened the cupboard door and hey nothing to see here, move along.  What I had done was the old switcheroo trick.

Silly me or maybe subconsciously I wanted to out myself, because one time I put a nightie out on the end of the bed.  I suppose I just wanted to live my life as a female.  However, my inner sense of security took over and I put it away.

This is the best way that I can convey, what was going through my mind at the time, yes it was getting stronger and stronger,  I suppose one could say, at the time I had gender dysphoria, but in the late 1980's this description was not around.  I was for all intent and purposes my mind was stable.

Why was I not affected so much about these thoughts as other girls have suffered intensely from this, or for want of a better description 'medical condition', I really don't know and I need to find out why, probably I might visit a therapist in the future and truly unravel myself, that would certainly be interesting.

And at some stage during this period I was learning to do macho things, I did this to deflect away the attention of what I was.  Other things that I did was I had a moustache (so frigging unbelievable) and maybe scuba diving, flying gliders, shooting and parachuting.  Not extreme macho stuff, but just enough.

I read in a playboy or penthouse magazine an article that was several pages long and at the started of the article there was an outline of a man and several images later all outlines the man changed into a female.  Revelation finally, so if one can find this particular article then one will know when I found out at the time that I was transsexual.  Normally I would not use this term, however for the sake of clarity I will use the word sparingly.

Fleeting moments in time that made me very happy and contented.  The only other time this feeling was exceeded was just after my operation and I woke up for the second time. 

Things started to change dramatically during the years 1986 and 1987, not that I can remember any think specific, but two major turning points, or events occurred.  I went on holidays in 1986 near Christmas time and I was traveling to Brisbane and I pulled into a place called Mataranka Springs a lovely place.  I took care of my facial hair and somehow I got properly dressed, cannot remember if I applied makeup or not, it does not matter, finally Sarah B was free for the first time.

Breathing the fresh air for the first time in her life, she got into her car relaxed and drove off listening to John Denver, Olivia Newton John and Flashdance,  I traveled across and down the east coast of Australia and I took my bloody time.  Well actually it only lasted a couple of days.  Satisfaction guaranteed?  Absolutely, I was in my element.

Sarah B was free the second time and was more prepared to say the least.  I went on holidays again in 1987 near Christmas time,  basically the repeat of last years excursion.  However, with a difference, I spent nights in the local YMCA hotels, went to movies, dinners and tourist attractions.  I cannot remember how I presented myself, this time around, I was having the time of my life.  I could not get enough of this life.  So with a heavy heart and a sigh, Sarah B returned to her family and friends.

During 1988, everything in a sense got turned upside down, Sarah B wanted to be free again, the enjoyment she had from those two holidays was beyond anything she had ever encountered in her entire life up to this point in time.  My uncle who said, "I should go and live my life as a female" and eventually my epiphany occurring certainly steered my thoughts in the right direction on what I should do with my future.  So finally I decided to take long service leave from the government,   I planned to maximize the time I could live as Sarah B and that amount of time available to me was about a year.

So early in February 1989, I got into my car, dressed casually, little makeup on and my hair in a braid, had my ears pierced for the first time.  I left my family and friends behind.  I did not look back in the rear view mirror so to speak.  Sarah B did not know at that time, that she was never ever coming back.  Sarah B was finally free forever and fully Awake.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B

Hi Everyone

Upon reflection on what I just posted in Awakening, one could say it took me approximately 9 years from 1980, where the majority of my thoughts, feelings and activities occurred (or 30 years from birth!) to get to the point of leaving family and friends to go and live as female.  In other words my awakening, is no different than others, who took their time in achieving their own goals.

My time from arriving in Sydney and getting my surgery is completely different from my awakening and in the next installment, I will tell you about those two years.

Have a nice day and I will see you soon.

Best wishes and Hugs
Sarah B

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah:
Upon your return to the Susan's Place Forum soon after the New Year's site crash
I was so glad to see that you had started your  Sarah B's Story Blog thread.
Your "chapters" are wonderful for me to read: Synopsis,  Childhood Memories, 
and your latest chapter,  Awakening... 
...and I am most certainly eagerly awaiting your next chapter and installment..

Your transition journey as you have journaled here on your Blog thread has been
a sequence of your personal life events that has produced who you are today...
...and as your journey continues I am eagerly following your postings here on
your Blog thread and also your future postings and the sharing of you comments,
thoughts and kind encouragement to others that you always spread around the
various threads and topics on the Forum.

Please continue to keep me and the rest of your avid followers updated as you
feel comfortable sharing.

HUGS, and my best wishes for your success and happiness.
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator

Quote from: Sarah B on February 03, 2024, 06:20:00 PMHi Everyone

Upon reflection on what I just posted in Awakening, one could say it took me approximately 9 years from 1980, where the majority of my thoughts, feelings and activities occurred (or 30 years from birth!) to get to the point of leaving family and friends to go and live as female.  In other words my awakening, is no different than others, who took their time in achieving their own goals.

My time from arriving in Sydney and getting my surgery is completely different from my awakening and in the next installment, I will tell you about those two years.

Have a nice day and I will see you soon.

Best wishes and Hugs
Sarah B

Hi everyone

It's Saturday morning, clouds are in the sky with no sun shinning through the clouds and some rain to boot and I have finally got some free time where I can bring you uptodate on what's been happening in my life down under. I can tell you it's plain boring as hell.  So I will let you be the judge of that.

I have been pretty much off-line the past week or so as I have been extremely busy and I have not been able to scratch my proverbial backside.  I decided recently that it was time to move on from where I lived.  The reasons being, where I lived there are too many memories of me and my mum,  who I took care off.  In addition the area where I lived has become too much of a rat race and it's been too long in one place.

So I decided to move lock, stock and barrel to a place in the country where the pace of life is much quieter, just like what Danielle did when she went Alasken style, no I'm not copying you Danielle! Why?  I'm off grid so to speak.  Downsizing in a sense.

At the moment I have no internet connection and it's the next thing on my list of things to do after I set up my computer system, two computers,two screens, networked, file server, printers, scanners microphone and other bits and pieces.  However I have to find the boxes that contain the parts needed to rebuild my computer system. 

One step forward, two steps back as they say.  So you may ask how I'm able to write this post?  Very laboriously.  I'm using my cell phone (Samsung, Android, s22) and with my nails done recently makes it harder to type.  If I was using my computer  I would have done this post in no time at all, (touch typist) including the last post I did.  So I'm typing this post with a pen stylus, one letter at a time.  I know very painful indeed.

I mentioned in an earlier post that I wanted to see a medical specialist that has experience with 'transsexuals'.  I new there was one, but not available until April and in a sense I was seeking a specialist who specialises in my medical condition and in doing so, inadvertently asked for one who specialises in this area.  Thus I came out in a sense. Yes, I know I handled this conversation very badly.

Anyway I was offered another Dr with similar experience. I made the appointment and procrastinated about whether to attend the appointment or not over my stuff up in making this appointment. Long story short I attended this appointment and decided on the basis of the visit whether to attend future ones.

So you ask, how did it go?  Well to say the visit was an absolute success is an understatement of epic proportions.

I was called into Dr Alice's office and off the bat I told her I was a 'transsexual' and at the same time I showed her my post operative surgery letter.  She was stunned to say the least.  I will come back to this point in a little while.

Over the next 20 minutes I told her various stories about Sarah's past, I did tell her that my life was very private and my 'medical condion' was not to be recorded and she agreed with me on this issue and would work around what tests needed to be done without revealing my condition.

During those stories including, my epiphany, there were comments coming from her that included, oh my gosh, oh my God, unbelievable and along with her comments her facial expressions convayed her sincerity in what I was saying.  I told her I passed immediately and I showed  her pictures of me in my early years.  She asked me about my partners, one of seven years and one of two years and my sexuality, which I replied 95% hetro and 5% lesbian you never know, she laughed.  I told her I never suffered from gender dysphoria and I still wondered why.  She said I was just one, where that was possible.  I gave one thought on that and said maybe it was my high IQ.  She agreed that was a possibility.

Interspersed with my basic history, my basic health concerns were raised including my weeing has changed,  I needed closure on what my sex chromosomes were, she was concerned about the results when I was given them, I said that was not going to worry me at all.  Blood tests were ordered for my hormone levels.

Finally I asked if she knew a gynaecologist, so that I could be examined to see if everything was OK downstairs. Nobody since surgery has anyone looked, even me, my vagina was functional and female vaginas are different from women to women and that was all I needed to know.  I was not obsessed with how it looked.

She replied instantly there was a gynaecologist who specialises in this area and would make an exception to see me earlier, that is I would jump the queue. Bingo, I hit the jackpot and Dr Alice said she would write a referral so that I could see her and would let me check it in order to keep my privacy.

Time was up for my consultation and one last question that I rarely cannot ask and that was, "what did you see when you first saw me".  She answered,  "why does this female want to see me in regards to my services?".

Needless to say I will be back, I was very comfortable with talking to her and she was certainly intrigued and pleased that I passed on my knowledge and stories for her future reference.

Anyway I have to go as I have many chores to do and nobody else is going to do them for me.

Best wishes and hugs
Sarah B

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah:
 
Thank you for taking your time to post your wonderful update on your Blog thread...
... all entered one letter at a time on your cell phone....  your patience in typing your update is much appreciated.... and it is well done!

Your recent experiences with your Dr. Alice were certainly affirming and quite amazing.
It was good to read that you were able to get a fairly quick referral to a gynaecologist who specialises in transsexual women.

Hopefully after you move to the quiet and slower paced country you will you still be able to make appointments with Dr Alice.  My favorite doctor that I always see is about a 7 hour drive to the big city of Anchorage.  All there is in my small town is an urgent care clinic... and my Dentist  (and my tooth-fairy Dental Hygienist) <3

I hope that you can get your internet and your computers all in working order soon.
Am I to understand that you moved already or is that going to happen in the near future?

I am so glad to read your latest update.... thank you for sharing from your heart.

Many HUGS and my best wishes to you.... please keep your updates coming!
Danielle  [Northern Star Girl}

Hi Danielle

Thank you for your reply.  I'm  still stunned at the consultation.  I asked Dr Jane if the other specialist in this area who also works at this particular practice, Dr Amanda, would she like to see me and she said, she would most certainly would like to see me.  I think I intrigued Dr Alice by the number of years, post op that I was.

In regards, to me hen pecking the keys on my cell, sometimes words are predicted an all I have to do is tap the word.  I have spent nearly the whole day in writing the two most recent posts.  So yes, I have a lot of patience. Dr Alice said to me, on my way out of the office, funny enough that I must have a lot of patience,  i replied I'm also a procrastinater. We laughed.

Yes I will continue to make foreseeable appointments with her,  I cannot express enough words, my gratitude to that first appointment with her.  I'm willing to travel 250km each way to see her again, to me that's dedication in the making.  I have a follow up appointment two weeks from Thursday gone. That will be 22/02/2024. Can't wait for it.

I have completed my move with the help of my brother and we spent some quality time, talking about life and family issues, as mentioned before, family totally accepts me unconditionally, he is the brother who teases me mercifully and still does to this day, when he has the chance.  He took care of my youngest brother's death recently, he has my total respect for that.  I was teaching at the time and I was not able to do anything in helping him.

We will go to extraordinary lengths to achieve what we want, you seven hours, me three hours.  That's only just one way!

I did mention to Dr Alice  that I was lot more emotional, but that was not the word, I wanted to use or looking for, the actual word was "weepy", the question is why? I have always been very strong in spirit and thats not to say that I have not cried before.

Maybe it's the death of my mum who said before she died, "you do not know how much  I love you", or my youngest brother where we talked every other night on the phone about this that and the other, before he died and my favourite uncle where we talked about and built computers together, he just died recently.

Maybe it's the hormones, or old age reminiscing or listening to certain songs.  Yes, I spent a little tear in writing the last couple of paragraphs.  Yes I'm all right and I'm happy, so please do not worry about me on this score.

One of the things I love the most in my life is reading and at the moment reading the chronicles of Danielle is a pleasure and yes I have questions that I will ask you, but I will save them for later.

I'm  working on rebuilding my computer system at the moment.   It will get finished, the sooner the better.  Then I will be able to put together the next installment of Sarah's story called, "Race to SRS",yeah I'm going with that title, it's locked in.

Anyway, got to go and finish  building my computer system, or else it will never get done anytime soon.

Lots of love and hugs always
Sarah B
PS I hope the following works
@Northern Star Girl

Hi everyone

It's Sunday evening, not much has happened today.  Sorting through boxes, rearranging boxes and finally finding the computer cables to set up my computer system.

Setting up the computers will be done on Monday. I promise I will as this hen pecking with the pen stylus is killing me.  I wrote one post and a stuff up occurred and I had to recreate the post again from scratch, bugger.

Other chores included laundry and reading to my niece's two daughters finding the local waste facility so I can dump rubbish in the future and little food shopping as I need milk for my coffees.  That is I must have my cappuccino.

I have been out of the water for over a week and I of course suffer like a fish out of water.  So to tomorrow morning I will be hitting the water for a few laps.  Then home to fix the computers.

Tuesday morning I will be heading to a town called Kingaroy and have a look at their 50m swimming pool and of course test the water and to see if it is up to my standards.  I might join their swimming club in the not too distant future.  I have to see how the land lies first.

Then maybe I can put together Sarah's next story, called "Race to SRS" or "Race to Sarah's SRS".  I think the shorter title is winning hands down.

Anyway it's 23:00 and I need some shut eye.  Take care everyone and I will catch up with you real soon.

Best wishes for everyone.
Sarah B

Quote from: Sarah B on February 10, 2024, 03:30:25 AMI think I intrigued Dr Alice by the number of years, post op that I was.

I found that many endocrinologists(and MDs in general) have no clue about about dealing with long term post-ops.


I live and work in the suburbs.

Way back when I first started HRT my first endo was over an hour's drive away in a different metro area, as that is the endo my therapist recommended... She was rather conservative in her treatment so when after I was post-op I was still not getting much results I felt I had to make a change.. So I found another endo  through the 'community"  in another state (over 2 hour drive) that was willing to be more aggressive.

But over the next 10ish years nothing changed ... and I went off HRT for several years.

Both of those endos had a lot of experience with TSes as they were from days before there were Endocrine Society Standards of care for  T*s and few handled them.

About 5-6 years ago I decided to restart HRT. But in my 60's I was not up do driving over 2 hours each way for a half hour appointment...  I had the choice to go to a clinic in the city which was the regional center where  the vast majority of T* in the area are referred to these days...

But even though it was only about 10 miles away, going into and out of the city the traffic is horrendous, parking hard to come by and expensive... Overall it would mean taking a least half a day of from work for an appointment... and I really did not want to go to a place where all going in would be assumed to be T* (even though, or maybe because, after all these years I'm still readable)...

So I decided to go to a very well respected suburban medical center instead, that was MUCH quicker to get to and would have no parking hassles.

I'n finally getting to the point of all this now after giving my background info! )

The endo's I saw/see there (even one who is close to my age) obviously had no experience with long term post-ops by the questions asked and test ordered.. I am pretty sure they were just following the endocrinology society guidelines... And those are geared towards those just transitioning.

In general the approach of endo's from the "old days" was much more individually tailored and based on experience than what I am finding now, and few have experience with long term post-ops ... I think many, from at least my era or before, have tended to find other ways than go to T* centers after awhile to get medical support (My GP would not do it)

- Karen

Hi Everyone

I'm back as of 10:00 Eastern Standard Time, Australian time.  I have set up my basic computer system and running the internet through my Galaxy S22 WiFi Hotspot.

Need to get a more permanent connection either through TPG my ISP or satellite with Elon Musk's system (this looks more promising).

The more removed you are from civilization the less internet options you have.

Anyway, I have a lot more chores to do.  Take care and have a nice day.

Best wishes everyone.
Sarah B

Glad you are getting everything set up again. Using a cell phone to compose long posts is a nightmare! Hope you enjoy your new location.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Hi Jessica

Thank you for the reply, just testing my connections and I need to get a couple of posts for the next installment of 'Sarah's Story'

Yes, I'm enjoying the peace and quiet that the country side provides. Have a nice day or evening?:)

@Northern Star Girl I see you!

Best wishes and hugs
Sarah B

Hi Danielle

Do you know what the color red is?

My blushing face :icon_redface:

Thank you for your likes and thank you, It's really appreciated.  I really do not deserve them (ok some I do) and now you have done it again, I blushing again :icon_redface:

Have a wonderful evening and please look after yourself, why? Because you are one in a million!

Love and hugs always
Sarah B
@Northern Star Girl

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah:
I very much enjoy reading your 2 Blog threads.... "Sarah B's Story"  and your "My Epiphany" Blog.

I am so very glad that you finally can have Internet and now you can use your computer
instead of your phone for posting on the Forum. 

Oh, tell me more about your new home out in the country far away from the big city rat-race.
As you are aware, I live out in the middle of nowhere, far from the big cities... on long
cloudless nights here in the winter, it offers a spectacular and very bright view of the stars
and the universe ... with NO light pollution that big cities have.
we often have the Aurora Borealis (Northern Lights) that light up the night with beautiful
displays of dancing colors.

Where your live can you see the Southern Lights (Aurora Australis) on a frequent basis? 
I am sure that would depend a lot on your location's Southern Latitude. 

My town's Latitude is at 64 degrees North not to far from the Arctic Circle which
is 66 degrees North Latitude.... so the Aurora is sometimes almost directly overhead
and is visible often.

As always, I eagerly look for your postings all around the Forum.

HUGS, and more HUGS
Danielle

My back yard view of the night sky Aurora Borealis display a few nights ago!!!

    (https://i.imgur.com/4H08vbWm.jpg)

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on February 11, 2024, 09:52:48 PMMy back yard view of the night sky Aurora Borealis display a few nights ago!!!

    (https://i.imgur.com/4H08vbWm.jpg)

If I didn't freeze at temperatures below 64F (18C), I would love to be your neighbor. I think in Alaska that means I would live anywhere from 5 - 10 miles away from you. I have always wanted to see the 'Norther Lights', and maybe one day I'll get up there.

Love always -- Jess

Hi Danielle and Everyone

Thank you for taking the time out especially on a Sunday night, where you could be doing the things you like to do.  Instead you chose to read my posts particularly, Childhood Memories, Awakening and My Epiphany and the chance to read the fourth instalment, that is coming soon.  I wish with all my heart they, will help you and others in your journeys.

There is another story called Sarah's Therapy Journey (https://www.susans.org/index.php?msg=2260732), but I will be including it in "Sarah's Race to SRS, along with My Epiphany.  So at this present stage there will be three stories, with other posts embedded that encapsulates my journey, from the time I arrived in Sydney, "Feb 1989 to the time I finally had surgery in Feb 1991.  Just an after thought, the story I'm putting together seems to be very long in my mind, so I might put it into two parts.  I will see how it goes and decide from there.

I'm doing this story for several reasons and they are as follows:

• To provide knowledge for others that visit Susan's Place, to enable them to complete their own journey in their own way.  Why?  Because when my journey began, there was virtually no information to help me.
• To write a novel, novelette or a book on my personal journey and maybe publish it.
• To present these stories in book form to a psychologist that specializes in transsexuals and provide them with information and knowledge about me and to find answers as to why I never suffered and other questions that I have not figured out yet.  Anyway that's for the future on what I might do.  Not that I really need to see a psychologist.
• Personal satisfaction.

Brisbane is a recognizable place that others will know about, which is the city of Queensland and its latitude is 27.470125S.  I'm located north of Brisbane so in effect, its a shame I cannot see the Southern Aurora Borealis, however to compensate I have high quality images of the Aurora's as background images on my computers.

The distance from Brisbane to my new place is 200km or about 2 hours drive.  The property is off grid for everything except power.  The property is 16ha, it has a shed, a demountable,  outside toilet and shower.  Did I tell you I'm living it rough?

One of my brothers lives a further 100km away and he has two shipping containers and has converted them to into living quarters and created a space between them as well, everything there is off grid completely.

I have a similar property next to his and I will be downsizing and living off grid there in the next couple of years.  So talk about getting away from the rat race, at the moment the property is a weekend getaway. 

However, I will in the future consider putting solar panels on the roof, where I'm at the moment, but that is a future project.   The sky for the last week has been cloudy and briefly last night after visiting the dunny, I looked up found the two pointer stars and the southern cross, drew me some lines in the sky and found where south was located.  Such joy one can have from simple pleasures.

The clarity of the stars was beyond measure compared to the rat race, NO light pollution of course.  I'm glad I made the move peace, calmness and serenity, no noise from cars or people yelling and of course real pitch black nights.

Long time ago when we used to camp under the stars.  Lying in the causeway (a very low road with water running over the top) we looked up at the stars and saw thousands of them, a memory etched in my mind forever and of course the occasional shooting star.

What more could you want?  Well the only things I must have is milk, swimming pool, internet, a book to read (I'm reading the "Crest of the Peacock" and your Chronicles) and of course something to crochet, I won't mention the other thing I need!

Well I think I have said enough for the time being and it's nearly time for bed I have to get up early tomorrow morning for my trip to another town with a big swimming pool.

Take care and wishing everybody a nice morning, afternoon or evening whatever time of the day it is for you.  Apologies to the "Truman Show".

Love and Hugs to Everyone
Sarah B

Hi Danielle

You remind me of of very beautiful lady called Danielle De Barbarac, who I loved very much.  Now the question you should ask yourself is why would Sarah, make such an association?  When I was looking after my mum, I was working as a swimming instructor as well as a lifeguard.

I would talk to the children and at the same time I would play a game with them, find out what their names were at the beginning of the swimming term.  So one child would say "my name is Lucy" and I would reply "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds" a famous Beetle song, another child would say "my name is Robert" and I would reply "are you Robert de Niro?", a famous actor and so on and so on.

Well what are you waiting for?

Always with love and hugs
Sarah B

Hi Karen

When I read your post, I said to myself I must reply to you.  However, with moving and making other posts I forgot about you.  So please accept my sincere apologies for neglecting you.

Quote from: Karen_A on February 11, 2024, 10:17:37 AMI found that many endocrinologists(and MDs in general) have no clue about about dealing with long term post-ops.

My mum's doctor, who I told him about my medical condition and my current doctor who practices at the same medical centre who does not know about me.  Do not know, as you say about the long term treatment of us.  I know, I asked the Dr who knew about about me and he said, no I don't, except for basic blood and other similar tests.

I have only ever had two endocrinologists and both had experience in our medical condition.  Finding a current endocrinologist, will depend on the new GP that I have seen and of course has already written a referral for me to see a gynecologist, so two referrals to see an endocrinologist and a psychiatrist (if I need one for the future) who deals with our medical condition is a good start in my opinion to further a relationship between patient and doctor.

This is why I sought a specialist General Practitioner (GP)in this area, one that has experience, because I do not think my current Dr has that knowledge and at the moment I do not feel comfortable in telling him.  I know I have a real issue in telling anyone about me. I guess its one of the fundamental flaws of my character and I guess I love that flaw.

Quote from: Karen_A on February 11, 2024, 10:17:37 AMI live and work in the suburbs.

I have always worked in the 'suburbs' and that is never going to change, by doing so I never have any problems per se.

Quote from: Karen_A on February 11, 2024, 10:17:37 AMWay back when I first started HRT my first endo was over an hour's drive away in a different metro area, as that is the endo my therapist recommended... She was rather conservative in her treatment so when after I was post-op I was still not getting much results I felt I had to make a change.. So I found another endo  through the 'community"  in another state (over 2 hour drive) that was willing to be more aggressive.

As mentioned above I only have ever had two endocrinologists, both who knew about our medical conditions, it did not matter where they were located, I would have made the effort to see them regardless.

I never worried about my breast size, or about them, except when they first started to grow I noticed them now and again, until I forgot my inserts one day.  I virtually had no breasts maybe 18A and after that I never worried about my breasts and after 35 years my breast size is now 18C or maybe 20C.

My initial drug regime was depo provera and premarin and maybe because of the initial hormones and time I have ended up with my breasts being the size that they are now.

I was never given any hormone prescription by my first endocrinologist, he just monitored my levels and gave me a surgery letter to boot.  The second endocrinologist, I saw after my surgery and I was not taking my hormone tables regularly and I thought going down the pellet implant was the way to go.  However I only had two implants and in the end I reverted back to taking progynova tablets.

Quote from: Karen_A on February 11, 2024, 10:17:37 AMBut over the next 10ish years nothing changed ... and I went off HRT for several years.

For several years even I was not taking hormones.  However, the body needs hormones, it does not matter which type it just needs them for a healthy body, bone density being one in the case for us females.  So I will take my hormones regularly and they are the only tablets I will take.  I do not take tablets unless, they are absolutely necessary.

Quote from: Karen_A on February 11, 2024, 10:17:37 AMBoth of those endos had a lot of experience with TSes as they were from days before there were Endocrine Society Standards of care for  T*s and few handled them.

Never heard of the Endocrine Society Standards (ESS) and to me they sound like gate keepers to me.  I will admit I'm naive about hormones. 

There are only two things that concern me and they are, one my estrogen levels, which I want them to be around the average cycle level of other females second I want to make sure that my testosterone level is below the level of what other female levels are, any higher and I will go berserk, they did enough damage to me for the first 30 years of my life and they will not do any more damage to me if I can help it.

Quote from: Karen_A on February 11, 2024, 10:17:37 AMAbout 5-6 years ago I decided to restart HRT. But in my 60's I was not up do driving over 2 hours each way for a half hour appointment...  I had the choice to go to a clinic in the city which was the regional center where  the vast majority of T* in the area are referred to these days...

I like driving and I have been doing it most of my life sporadically.  That is I travel long distances around Australia.

I will avoid any 'communities' like the plague, even then that is putting it mildly, I value my privacy and once bitten twice shy, was enough for me.  Susan's is the only 'community', where I feel safe and secure.

Quote from: Karen_A on February 11, 2024, 10:17:37 AMBut even though it was only about 10 miles away, going into and out of the city the traffic is horrendous, parking hard to come by and expensive... Overall it would mean taking a least half a day of from work for an appointment... and I really did not want to go to a place where all going in would be assumed to be T* (even though, or maybe because, after all these years I'm still readable)...

Again, I like driving and I will avoid any and all 'communities'.  One would be readable, the minute you walk through the door regardless of how well you pass.  One person in their would say, who is that person, oh they must be one of those.

Quote from: Karen_A on February 11, 2024, 10:17:37 AMSo I decided to go to a very well respected suburban medical center instead, that was MUCH quicker to get to and would have no parking hassles.

I'n finally getting to the point of all this now after giving my background info! )

The endo's I saw/see there (even one who is close to my age) obviously had no experience with long term post-ops by the questions asked and test ordered.. I am pretty sure they were just following the endocrinology society guidelines... And those are geared towards those just transitioning.

In general the approach of endo's from the "old days" was much more individually tailored and based on experience than what I am finding now, and few have experience with long term post-ops ... I think many, from at least my era or before, have tended to find other ways than go to T* centers after awhile to get medical support (My GP would not do it)

- Karen

Do I really need an endocrinologist in my life now? more than likely not.  however if the need arises then I will take the time and effort to see one.

Hopefully this new Dr who specializes in our 'medical condition' will become my long term Dr and the information on the ESS that you mentioned I will certainly keep it in mind and ask my new Dr about this society.

She is most certainly intrigued by my history and I know this from a referral letter she wrote to a gynecologist I will be seeing in the near future, who will, I believe will examine me downstairs and other than my boyfriends no one, even me has seen my vagina since my surgery.

Other than a privacy issue in regards to this letter, which I will discuss with the new Dr.  The referral letter for the gynecologist  was handled by the medical receptionist, In other words I may have been outed indirectly and I'm not happy about it one bit.

Take care and look after yourself

Love and Hugs always
Sarah B

Sarah,

I hope all your computer gear and Internet access is working at the best of its capabilities.

I was reading about the differences of wallabys and kangaroos.  I think I want to be a safe distance from them, perhaps just in a zoo or preserve! 

Chrissy

Hi Chrissy

Thank you for posting your concerns, it really is nice to read what you and others have to say.

Computer system is working quite well after knocking one computer off the table and damaging the drive bay, hard disks are OK, which is more important.  Will have to order new drive bay.  Still need to add my file server, which holds backups and more files.  At least I have a functioning system up and running.

Better internet connection, means faster speeds and unlimited data downloads. Is in the pipeline for sure.

Tourists like to feed the wallabies at zoos and the wild life reserves.  Look up a famous Australian called Steve Irwin.  He was one of our most enduring iconic people who cared for our wild life.

Australia is not a bad place to be, honestly it's a great country to live in and it is very safe.  Not like America, which has bears, rattle snakes, wolves, alligators and of course those deadly tornadoes.

Take care and be happy you did not spend your money on clothes like I did.

Best wishes always
Sarah B

Hi everyone

How do I begin this post?, that is the question, well lets start from the beginning shall we?  "It's just another day"[1] for Sarah B.

• Went to another town which was 30km away for a 3km swim, while listening to music  all the time.
• Went to the nearest pathology lab in that town where the vampires took some blood from me for my new specialist Dr.
• Went to the local shopping center and brought four new tops, one long white dress and one colored skirt.
• Had lunch at the the local shopping center.
• Went home another 30km trip and listened to music
• Took some rubbish to the local rubbish tip
• Worked on the next installment of Sarah's Story
• Had an afternoon sleep
• Worked on several posts for members of Susan's Place

The above activities made me happy for the whole day today, or better still being alive for the whole day made me extremely happy.

Take care and I hope all of you had a nice day like me.

Best wishes for everyone.
Sarah B

[1] by Paul McCartney, used in the film 50 First Dates.

Hi everyone

I hope this quick post finds you in good spirits and you are also well.  I'm currently in a motel by a river. I will be seeing my doctor about my blood works and the bad sciatica pain on my right side.  At the moment it's restricting my ability to work properly.

I have been working on the next installment of Sarah's  story, so please be patient, even I want to see how it turns out. What with moving, travelling long distances and unpacking, even I have become very tired lately, as they say, "there is no rest for the wicked"

Anyway I have to go as I have already fell asleep writing this post once before and I don't want to do it again.

Forgot to mention have spent sometime with my brother and his wife, they are also travelling with me, one night it was Indian and another night it was Chinese, I wonder what we are going to have next for dinner, I wonder, decisions, decisions, decisions.

Take care and I hope all of you had a nice day like me.

Best wishes for everyone.
Sarah B

Just got over the sciatica I had from last Nov, pain in my left hip and a numb leg that refused to work correctly for ages so feel for you dear. Keep taking the tablets!!
 Must be Thai tonight then------

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah:
Thank you for sharing your update with me and the rest of your
avid followers and readers.

I hope, trust and pray that your blood test results turn out OK
and your doctor can successfully treat your bad sciatica pain. 
Pain is no fun especially when attempting to concentrate on work tasks.

I was happy to see that you are working on the next installment
of Sarah's story,
and yes, I will try hard to patient.  :o 
  
I know that you have a lot going on in your
life with your relocation, new home, doctor visits, traveling
long distances, etc.....  all of which I have done in my
transition and relocation journey.  You will find more happiness
and success as you finally work through all the issues that
you are dealing with. 

I was glad to read that you had a nice visit with your bother and
his wife....  and have fun making those difficult decisions regarding
what you are going to have next for dinner !!!! ;D

I trust that your day is a good one, be safe during your travels...
... and I will be eagerly looking for your next update.

Many HUGS,
Danielle

Quote from: Sarah B on February 15, 2024, 08:12:09 AMHi everyone

I hope this quick post finds you in good spirits and you are also well.  I'm currently in a motel by a river. I will be seeing my doctor about my blood works and the bad sciatica pain on my right side.  At the moment it's restricting my ability to work properly.

I have been working on the next installment of Sarah's  story, so please be patient, even I want to see how it turns out. What with moving, travelling long distances and unpacking, even I have become very tired lately, as they say, "there is no rest for the wicked"

Anyway I have to go as I have already fell asleep writing this post once before and I don't want to do it again.

Forgot to mention have spent sometime with my brother and his wife, they are also travelling with me, one night it was Indian and another night it was Chinese, I wonder what we are going to have next for dinner, I wonder, decisions, decisions, decisions.

Take care and I hope all of you had a nice day like me.

Best wishes for everyone.
Sarah B

Hi Davina

Thank you for your reply and your concerns.

Quote from: davina61 on February 15, 2024, 08:22:23 AMJust got over the sciatica I had from last Nov, pain in my left hip and a numb leg that refused to work correctly for ages so feel for you dear. Keep taking the tablets!!
 Must be Thai tonight then------

My question is what type of tablet?  I  usually don't take tablets unless I really have to.  At the moment I take paracetamol 500mg.  In addition I have had a cortisone injection recently and it has not done anything to relieve the pain. Cost me A$240 dollars but I got back about A$90 more pain!

That is the reason for my doctors visit today.  The pain is not like it was at first.  Which was excruciating and the trouble to visit the ladies at home brought even me, tough Sarah to tears with every planned step.

I'm working on the problem.
 Stay around more news to follow.  Oh Thai sounds nice.

Best Wishes and Hugs for you.
Sarah B

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah...   
WOW, you are up from bed so very early on your Friday morning.

So, tell me, what are your plans for dinner tonight?   ::)  :laugh:

HUGS, Danielle

Just paracetamol and ibuprofen, doc gave me some tablets to take with them to stop upsetting my tummy just in case. Touch wood it was fine today but my back is still playing me up, has for 20+ years. Thats what you get from working on cars for 50 odd years.

Hi everyone again

Two posts within a day?  Unheard of I say.  Well you could say this is the third,  I was typing out a reply before this one, but gremlins of the internet got to it and vanished in a puff of logic.  To make it even more horrendous I was using my pen stylus to type it in, like I'm doing now, oh the pain the pain.

I should have known about saving things often, anyway I digress,  I was awake at 04:00 hours and had a nice sleep from my last post.  I was creating a new one and fairly into it when my phone said 5%.  OK switch it off.

My clothes for the day were ready and I did my hair.  It was still early and I was starting to nod of to sleep so I laid my head down on the pillow, when I heard a knock on the door with my brother saying what time was my doctors appointment I said 07:50, he said it was 07:10.

I flew out of the bed, well actually I got of the bed as I slept on top of it, got dressed, collected a few bits and pieces. I was offered a cup of tea, but I said no thanks, as I did not have time to drink it.  Had a couple of swiggs of milk, it was not full cream milk, ugh, out the door all in a total of 5 minutes.

Thirty minute drive to see one of my doctors, this was along a major highway and to top it off it was raining cats and dogs.  I arrived safely and on time, so funny, standard questions were asked when you arrive and next minute relating this story to him and then he told a similar story.  I'm getting to like him.

Tests were good sugar was a little high but ok hormone levels were OK, I did say my previous doctor was a little concerned about the high level, I told him I was going to see a female specialist doctor in regards to my hormone levels, caught up with two friend and had my nails done.

I'm on my way home and I have stopped to take break and have something to eat and drink.

I will have another post done after I get home.  The past two days have been hectic and I have not finished telling everything that happened.  Yeah I know I'm leaving you all in suspense.

Take care and I will talk to you soon.

Lots of love and Hugs
Sarah B
PS Will fix bugs later. Done

Dearest Danielle
@Northern Star Girl

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on February 15, 2024, 01:14:11 PM@Sarah B
Dear Sarah... 
WOW, you are up from bed so very early on your Friday morning.

So, tell me, what are your plans for dinner tonight?  ::)  :laugh:

HUGS, Danielle

You know the early bird has more fun?  This is what happened Thursday and Friday very Briefly, more details before and after this post.

Thursday arrive at motel visited long time friend of my brothers, did laundry had Chinese for tea bed around 20:00 hours half message done fell asleep woke up around 00:00 hours finished the message went back to sleep.  Woke up at 04:00 hours as fresh as a daisy, started a new message in response to Davina and you. Phone decides to die.

Did my hair, in the dark started to fall asleep, put my head on the pillow and went to sleep.  Brother annoys me at 07:10 and I rush to get to the doctors by 07:50 made it in time.  Result basically good.  More physiotherapy need for the sciatica.  Went and saw two friends, then had my nails done.

Began journey home stopped half way had a drink and toasted ham  sandwich and a custard tart and started a new post and posted it, then I continued my journey home arrived safely, fed and cleaned the cats litter tray.  I'm now doing this post first and I will finish the other post after I have completed this one.

No dinner, as my lunch as mentioned, is my dinner, oh I'm back on the bandwagon (coffee cappuccino) and I'm going to have an afternoon nap, see you soon.

Hugs and Love
Sarah B
PS Did you work out who Danielle De Barbarac is?

Hello Davina

Thank you for your reply it was appreciated, I also took ibufrofen, however I believe my blood pressure went up so I stopped taking it.  I will try it again and monitor my BP and see what happens.

Quote from: davina61 on February 15, 2024, 03:25:08 PMJust paracetamol and ibuprofen, doc gave me some tablets to take with them to stop upsetting my tummy just in case. Touch wood it was fine today but my back is still playing me up, has for 20+ years. Thats what you get from working on cars for 50 odd years.

I never considered fixing cars I like clean hands and I saw what it did to my uncles hands.  Yes that uncle that knew about me.  I did a technical trade to start with, drafting, plans for road and bridges.

I'm tired so I going to have an nano sleep, before I come back to this computer screen.

Hugs and Love
Sarah B

Hi Everyone

This is the missing post that I said I was going to post, but I was going to keep you in suspense, I got to have some fun right? Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Well here it is, after arriving at the motel and talking about what we were going to do, it was decided that we would go and visit my brothers long time friend Malcolm and his wife Vanessa.  I have also known them for awhile, but I do not know how long.

It was only a short drive and we all hugged each other when we met, it had been awhile since I had last seen them.  I had never been to their property but it was beautiful.  My brother, Steven and Malcolm were standing and talking cars probably as they usually do and us girls sat down and we had a cup of tea and a biscuit, I'm English by birth so I can drink tea it's so refreshing, even brewed tea, but I digress as usual.

Steven and Malcolm wondered off probably to go to Malcolm's big shed with goodness knows what inside and us ladies were just talking in general.  One conversation I thought revolved around maths, however I missed heard, what they said was MAFS (married at first sight), yeah I know, unbelievable on what two of the girls were watching. but I cannot complain, I have been watching Korean and Chinese romantic dramas. In my spare time.  Just a little history before I get to the juicy bit.

I used to read a lot of hard core science fiction and when I ran out of something to read I would read my mum's Mills and Boons books, yes I know cheap and nasty romance novels, but I'm a sucker for romance stories.

While we were talking I received a phone call from my aunt about how I was going and my health, so I told her.  I was careful in what I was saying as I did not know if Vanessa knew about me, long story short she did.

I do not know how she knew, but I guess either a family member told her or she knew our family history because of the long time friendship between my brother and Malcolm.  I was comfortable that she knew.  Next time I see her I will ask her as I did not get a chance to do so.

So I discussed what I was planning to do with the specialist GP which was my general health and the up and coming visit to the gynecologist to check downstairs and I said I had not seen it personally since I had my surgery.

I was not fussed about what it looked liked, it had, 3 main items inner and outer labia and of course a clitoris, women's vaginas are different from one to the other and this is why I never bothered about what it looked like, anyway when I told them I had not seen it in a long time, sure enough the amazed looks on their faces was funny, but when I said only my boyfriends have seen it more than I had, they laughed there heads off.

Then out of the blue, you could not plan a situation like this, my brother and Malcolm turned up and sat down with us girls.  Malcolm was sitting next to me and in our conversation I asked him what did you two get up to and he said with a smile on his face (I'm sure he did), "secret men's business", I kid you not, the irony, I just laughed and thought to myself, we were just discussing "secret women's business".

So all in all the last couple of days have been wonderful and hectic.  One other thing before I go, I got a phone call while driving to our motel and it was the pathology lab ringing saying they put my blood in the wrong colored test tube so on Saturday I will have to drive another 60km round trip, to get more blood sucked out of me.

Wishing you all a nice weekend.

Love and Hugs to Everyone
Sarah B

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah:
Thank you for your way-too-kind words ...

... but Sarah ... please tell me:  "why would Sarah, make such an association?"

    https://ever-after-cinderella.fandom.com/wiki/Danielle_de_Barbarac

HUGS, Danielle

Quote from: Sarah B on February 12, 2024, 05:26:51 AMHi Danielle

You remind me of of very beautiful lady called Danielle De Barbarac, who I loved very much.  Now the question you should ask yourself is why would Sarah, make such an association? When I was looking after my mum, I was working as a swimming instructor as well as a lifeguard.

I would talk to the children and at the same time I would play a game with them, find out what their names were at the beginning of the swimming term.  So one child would say "my name is Lucy" and I would reply "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds" a famous Beetle song, another child would say "my name is Robert" and I would reply "are you Robert de Niro?", a famous actor and so on and so on.

Well what are you waiting for?

Always with love and hugs
Sarah B

Hi Danielle

Danielle De Barbarac (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ever_After).

Your link is about the same character.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
@Northern Star Girl

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah:
I thought that might have been the case...
....so thank you very much for the compliment... 
        I am now blushing !!!  :icon_redface:  :icon_flower:
HUGS, Danielle

Quote from: Sarah B on February 16, 2024, 09:05:19 PMHi Danielle

Danielle De Barbarac (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ever_After).

Your link is about the same character.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
@Northern Star Girl

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on February 16, 2024, 04:39:33 PM@Sarah B
Dear Sarah:
Thank you for your way-too-kind words ...

... but Sarah ... please tell me:  "why would Sarah, make such an association?"

    https://ever-after-cinderella.fandom.com/wiki/Danielle_de_Barbarac

HUGS, Danielle

Hi Danielle

I'm going to have to watch the movie Ever After again.  Even the movie Fifty First Dates.

You are welcome

Hugs and Hugs
Sarah B

Hi Danielle

I'm going to watch 'Ever After' and I will think of you, I have a copy :D

Love and Hugs
Sarah B

Hi Everyone

What a night I had, well even leading up to it was a struggle.  I was trying to find a post so that I could continue with "Sarah's Story" I have an outline in mind, but I need a couple of posts to connect two parts of the story. I know I can rewrite them but I'm lazy.  So sue me!

After getting blood sucked out of me earlier and the travelling distance there and back, I was over tired.  So I went and laid down for some sleep, woke up but was still not feeling good.  Cat was feed and I went back and laid down again and just went to sleep.

Finally I woke up and feeling a lot better, I then started to sort more of my stuff out and while I was doing that and posting on Susan's as well, I mentioned in 'Sara's Wild Ride (Part II)' thread about her upcoming surgery and I said, "Just this evening I was thinking of my surgery and I was sad and happy at the same time, that I had my surgery".  So after all these years, the satisfaction and happiness of what I had done still remains very strong within me.

While I was sorting and tidying up and I thought where is my handbag, I looked for it and could not find it and I lost it, I just cried (I told you, I have been a little weepy lately) maybe because of all the stuff that has been going on around me.  Well I did find it, it was hiding behind one of my laundry baskets next to my computer system.  Yeah I know, under my nose.

I made progress and I was sorting through the boxes and I was looking out for the movie 'Ever After', I had a copy of it on a disk that I had burned from the internet or I had copy of brought DVD.  Bingo I had a brought copy with other movies as well.

Place was tidy, needed some headphones, I found some after awhile and I sat down and posted a message to Danielle saying that I was going to watch the movie.  I so thoroughly enjoyed watching it again and one I will watch again and finally I was at peace with myself.

After watching the movie and making some posts on Susan's I looked at the clock and it was 04:00 hours in the morning, bedtime girl.

Wishing you all a nice weekend with some hugs
Sarah B

Hi Everyone

I'm going to have to say I'm sorry for not having the next installment of Sarah B's Story ready as I mentioned earlier.  I'm trying to locate a couple of passages that need to be inserted into the story itself, I do have a structured outline of what I'm going to say.

Real life is getting in the way at the moment and it needs to be taken care of.

All is not lost, I have something that I can post and I'm going to rely on the collective wisdom of Susan's to hopefully  or maybe provide answers to understand myself.

Without further ado here is my problem:

Why Me?

I have mentioned in other posts, that I suffered no gender dysphoria other than the eternal longing (thank you Courtney) or wanting to be a girl.  I never attended therapy sessions except of course for the two psychiatrists that I needed to get my surgery letters.  I have never seen any therapist since my surgery.

When I started to change my life around.  I never attended self help groups of like peers or support groups,  I just don't know what I would have done if that had been required of me, from my psychiatrists, similar to them telling me to come out to others.

It was something I was fighting, or vehemently opposed to doing and that was not to come out to anyone and to be perfectly honest I would never attend these meetings. even to this day.

So why me? Am I the only one that never needed help?  Why did I escape unscathed?  What's so different about me compared to others where I sought the final solution to my condition?  I never thought twice about what I wanted and did.  It does not bother me so, but I'm curious as to if there is an answer or not, but it would be nice to have an inkling on what makes me tick or it's just a case of who I am.  Please don't get me wrong, I'm extremely happy with who I am and I would never change that in a million years.

The wisdom of Susan's community far surpasses what I know and I would be grateful to insights into Why Me?

Look after yourselves and I will catch you soon.

Wishing you all a nice weekend, whats left of it, with some hugs
Sarah B

Same for me dear but then my head is screwed on! Being dyslexic and a Aries makes me stubborn as well.
Yes no GD just that wanting to be female from a very early age, thing is back when I was young (50s/ 60s) there was nothing said or information. Living the dream now? no just living as it should be for a retired old dear.

Hi Davina

Well I'm not stark raving mad, just as my new specialist doctor said, basically the same thing.  I'm just one that never suffered.

In addition, unless the sciatica nerve in my left hip does not go away then I will be retiring.  I do not want to retire as I just love teaching.

That's what my psychologists would have thought. I have my head screwed on and all they saw was me, a female.

So, I have definitely not gone around the bend!  I'm not dyslexic and I'm an Aquarian, that is the reason why I love the water so much.

Definitely that wanting and longing growing stronger and stronger each year.  Then when the penny dropped or I just wanted to be a female or just live as a female, I was then on automatic drive, did not think, did not question, did not know, did not worry, did not care, just a bullet train to the surgery table.

There was virtually no information, only the information I gave in my story, 'My Epiphany'.  Oh I'm living the life, there was no dream for me.

Just last night I was thinking about what I had done and then all of a sudden I was sad and happy at the same time, about the surgery I had all those years ago. I'm so thankful for that day.

So if there are two of us then there must be more!  We are not alone in this world!

Quote from: davina61 on February 18, 2024, 03:56:22 AMSame for me dear but then my head is screwed on! Being dyslexic and a Aries makes me stubborn as well.
Yes no GD just that wanting to be female from a very early age, thing is back when I was young (50s/ 60s) there was nothing said or information. Living the dream now? no just living as it should be for a retired old dear.

Big hugs from me
Sarah B

Quote from: Sarah B on February 18, 2024, 01:38:47 AMSo why me? Am I the only one that never needed help?  Why did I escape unscathed?  What's so different about me compared to others where I sought the final solution to my condition?  I never thought twice about what I wanted and did.  It does not bother me so, but I'm curious as to if there is an answer or not, but it would be nice to have an inkling on what makes me tick or it's just a case of who I am.  Please don't get me wrong, I'm extremely happy with who I am and I would never change that in a million years.

I can only speak for myself, Sarah, so take this as the "sample of one" that it is.

I struggled mightily with denial up until the day that I didn't.  I didn't want to be transgender.  I didn't think I was.  I just had these "tendencies" that weren't socially acceptable.  That's "normal", right?  Who is "normal", anyway?  That went on for a very long time.

The funny thing, though, is that on the day I came to the realization of what I truly was, the path was very clear.  I never really questioned or had much gender dysphoria.  It was like, "Yep, that's what I am, and that means I need to start doing all of these things in order to resolve the problem."  I don't think I ever had time for dysphoria because I was so busy planning and executing my life plan.

Of course, I went to therapy and talked everything out.  The truth is, though, that I already knew the day I walked into Renee's office the first time.  It was nice having confirmation and a "big sister" to ask questions (she is transgender herself), but I never really needed support for dealing with questioning my path.  Where I DID need support is in dealing with the negative effect of my transition on others.  This was particularly acute with my wife and mother.  My wife didn't sign up for this, and my mom was happy with her son.  It was hard on them, and that caused me a lot of grief.

Even today as I am going back to therapy regularly, the therapy is more about dealing with the impact that my transition has had on my self-esteem.  It really isn't about questions I have with my gender identity.

Hope it helps,

~Sara

Hi Sara

Thank you for your reply your story and your insight.

Quote from: TXSara on February 18, 2024, 08:46:17 AMI can only speak for myself, Sarah, so take this as the "sample of one" that it is.

Your sample of 'one', is just one of many data points and when many data points are collected, we have a data set, or sample of the population.  Which one can then analyse.  So your 'sample' is extremely important.

Quote from: TXSara on February 18, 2024, 08:46:17 AMI struggled mightily with denial up until the day that I didn't.  I didn't want to be transgender.  I didn't think I was.  I just had these "tendencies" that weren't socially acceptable.  That's "normal", right?  Who is "normal", anyway?  That went on for a very long time.

I was never in denial about what I wanted, never, so I never had that conflict within myself.  As I wrote in 'My Epiphany' I had 5 conundrums running through my mind at any given time. 

Along with a more detailed last two years of my life in Awareness', which forms part of 'Sarah's Race for SRS'.

Contributes to the totality of my thinking at the time and that was, "the penny dropped or I just wanted to be a female or I just wanted to live as a female".

There never was 'trans' this or 'cis' that, running through my mind at the time, because those terms and others were not around and if they were, they were not around where I lived at the time.  Hence there was no conflict in my mind about whether I was 'trans' whatever or not.

Which leads to me dressing up, crossdressing was seen or I was aware of, not one should do at the time.  However I  never considered that dressing as a female was cross dressing, because every time I did, I felt comfortable or this felt right.  So cross-dressing was unacceptable, but dressing as a female was the right thing to do.

Me 'normal'? never, no I'm not, why? I never follow the crowd or herd. So what I was doing was certainly out there with the fairies.!!

Quote from: TXSara on February 18, 2024, 08:46:17 AMThe funny thing, though, is that on the day I came to the realization of what I truly was, the path was very clear.  I never really questioned or had much gender dysphoria.  It was like, "Yep, that's what I am, and that means I need to start doing all of these things in order to resolve the problem."  I don't think I ever had time for dysphoria because I was so busy planning and executing my life plan.

I never realized until 20 years after surgery that I was a female.  I learnt that from Susan's.  Talk about being slow or naive. Obviously it never worried me that I did not know and it does not worry me now that I did not know, if that makes sense.  I just lived my life as a female.  Knowing I was a female and always had been was the pièce de résistance.

So I  really wanted to live or be a female and that was why I left my family and friends.  I was then on automatic drive, did not think, did not look back, did not question, did not know, did not worry, did not care, I was just a bullet train to the surgery table.

Quote from: TXSara on February 18, 2024, 08:46:17 AMOf course, I went to therapy and talked everything out.  The truth is, though, that I already knew the day I walked into Renee's office the first time.  It was nice having confirmation and a "big sister" to ask questions (she is transgender herself), but I never really needed support for dealing with questioning my path.

I too had to go and see psychologists, it was mandatory per the requirements of the SOC.  If I had my way I would not have bothered, maybe that is why I was so reticent in saying anything to them. Yes, I was very wary and you could say there was a wall between us.  All they saw was a level headed female, surgery was the given outcome.

Quote from: TXSara on February 18, 2024, 08:46:17 AMWhere I DID need support is in dealing with the negative effect of my transition on others.  This was particularly acute6⁶ with my wife and mother.  My wife didn't sign up for this, and my mom was happy with her son.  It was hard on them, and that caused me a lot of grief.

I left my family and friends because I did not want the ramifications of what I was going to do to affect them.  Did this hurt them I do not know and I have never asked them this question.  The only person where my actions hurt them was my mum.  I believe she went to see a therapist on the grapevine.  When she caught up with me after my surgery she said,"I missed you so much", why?

She loved me unconditionally, because I was her child, her only daughter and as mentioned before, she said,  "you do not know how much I love you", before she died so was I affected by what I had done to my mum, yes I devoloped a stronger bond with her.

So I never ever suffered in anyway whatsoever.

Quote from: TXSara on February 18, 2024, 08:46:17 AMEven today as I am going back to therapy regularly, the therapy is more about dealing with the impact that my transition has had on my self-esteem.  It really isn't about questions I have with my gender identity.

Hope it helps,

~Sara

What you have written in response to my post has clarified or consolidated things for me in my mind and I'm  grateful for that.  One day I might see a 'therapist' to part my knowledge to them.  I never  have any questions about my gender.  I know I'm a female.

Big hugs from me
Sarah B
@TXSara
   

Hi Sara

One more final thought on your post.

Quote from: TXSara on February 18, 2024, 08:46:17 AMEven today as I am going back to therapy regularly, the therapy is more about dealing with the impact that my transition has had on my self-esteem.  It really isn't about questions I have with my gender identity.

Hope it helps,

~Sara

Your post has told me more about you and your journey and I really appreciate that.  The similarities are there.

You never suffered once you knew about yourself and you went ahead just like me, like a bat out of hell!

I hope you the find peace and what you did to become who you are today, a strong woman that will thrive in the years to come.

Hugs and more Hugs
Sarah B
@TXSara

Hi Everyone

In the next post you will be finally be able to read 'Sarah's Race to SRS Part I'  For those who don't know SRS is know as Sex Reassignment Surgery.

I have a rough outline for Part II and of course I will be working on it steadily.  I still have things to sort out in my life and in about another week those problems should be resolved.

Anyway get yourself a beverage and a snack and enjoy the read.

Best wishes and hugs
Sarah B
PS I will do very minor edits if needed

Sarah's Race to SRS Part I

I know that everyone who has been interested in the story of Sarah so far and how she accomplished, managed and survived during the period beginning of 1973 to the end of 1988.  Which I covered in my story 'Awakening'.  In Sarah's race to SRS I will cover the period of late 1986 to the end of 1991. Although I have already covered the years basically from late 1986 to late 1988 in 'Awakening', I will include them with slight changes to clarify what happened and in more depth.  So without further ado I will continue my personal journey with you.

Things started to change dramatically during the years 1986 and 1988, not that I can remember any think specific, but two major turning points, or events occurred.   The first was, I went on holidays at the end of 1986 near Christmas time, the reason being I could maximize the time I was away from work.  So I traveled across and down the east coast of Australia to a city called Brisbane where my uncle and his wife lived nearby, who both knew that I liked to dress as a female.

It must be emphasized that I never considered that I was cross dressing and to this day, some 36 years later, my memories, of that time I did not think I was a cross dresser or that it crossed my mind at the time.  Anyway along the way I pulled into a lovely place called Mataranka Hot Springs, this was a rest stop and I guess without thinking, Sarah was going to emerge and to start living the life that was denied her since her birth.

I sat in one of the thermal pools and one of the things that was problematic, I believe I still had a moustache at the time and to be able to pass it had to go.  I took my time and eventually it was time to move on.  I do not know as my memories of this time cannot recollect what happened next, but it was given that Sarah finally presented herself for the first time in public.  Yeah I know, unbelievable. 

I do not know if she wore any makeup or not, she got dressed properly and I believe it was a blouse and skirt at the time, it does not matter, finally Sarah was free for the first time in her life.  There was no celebration or jumping for joy, she calmly got into her car and drove off listening to John Denver, Olivia Newton John and Flashdance and I took my bloody time.  Well actually it only lasted a couple of days.  Satisfaction guaranteed?  Absolutely, I was in my element, although a bit nervous, but who wouldn't?

At the time Sarah had no concept of passing, however along the trip petrol (gas) stations were approximately 300km apart from each other, eventually one needed to get petrol and Sarah kept putting the inevitable task of getting fuel so she could continue her journey.  What kept her from getting the fuel she need for a 4 wheel drive (Toyota Hilux 2 door)?

She thought as all of us do at some stage when presenting oneself that one will not pass, she was so nervous and scared of what would happen.  Finally she pulled in to a gas station and filled the petrol tank and obviously paid for the fuel and carried on with her journey.  Hello, nothing happened Sarah!

There is one story, I do not know if it occurred on this trip or the next one that happened the following year, it does not matter it occurred and it reflects on ones ability to pass.   I pulled into a petrol station and I got out of the car and a gentleman approached me and asked if he could fill my petrol tank, this was not an attendant of the petrol station, but another fellow traveler, I was taken aback when I was asked this.  I cannot remember what happened next and as far as I know I never gave this incident another thought!

The following year, I went on holidays again at the end of 1987 near Christmas time.  I had plenty of time up my sleeve and again I traveled across Australia to my uncle and aunt who lived near Brisbane.   Sarah was free for the second time in her life and this time around she was more than prepared to say the least, before I was always in a rush to get from one place to another, this time around I took my time.

This holiday was a repeat of last years holiday.  However, with a big difference,  I spent several nights in the local YWCA hotel in a city called Townsville, during the day I went sight seeing and one of these was the beach promenade called The Strand, another was a day trip out to a place called Magnetic Island and the final thing I did was to go to a wildlife sanctuary called the Billabong Sanctuary, where I finally saw Australian wildlife that I had never seen before in the 20 years that I had been in Australia.

In the evenings I ate at the local restaurant except for the last night which I had a simple snack because I was going to watch a movie, because across from where I was staying and looking out the window there was a twin cinema complex and it was showing two movies one was called 'Alvin Purple' and the other was called 'Victor Victoria'.

I did not know which one to watch, the deciding factor after some thought relied on the stars of a particular movie and those stars were Julie Andrews and James Garner and any movie with those stars in it was sure to be a winner.

Well if any of you have seen Victor Victoria you know it was hilarious and with Julie Andrews pretending to be a man, well what more can I say.  I certainly picked the best movie that night.  To this day I have never seen Alvin Purple.  It did not occur to me the significance of what I watched and how it related to me.   It was so ironic that I look back on that moment in time and understood the similarities.

I cannot remember what I wore, suffice to say it was summer clothes, because Townsville is very humid during that time of the year.  In addition I cannot remember if I wore any makeup or not, I do know that my hair was usually in a plait, mainly to keep cool and I could put it into a bun if needed be.  Doing a french braid is a nice hair style and I like it very much, but it takes time to do.  Sarah was having the time of her life.  I could not get enough of this life.  So with a heavy heart and a sigh, Sarah continued on to Brisbane.

Of course there is a funny story while I was in Townsville and I remember it so vividly as if it was yesterday.  I was getting dressed in the morning, I had my bra on with the sponge inserts and I had a pair of pants on and in addition to those pair of pants I had put on a girdle which was a size 10.

Yes you guessed it, this was to hide what was down below, I had no skirt or jeans on at the moment let alone a blouse.  When all of a sudden a house maid walked into my room, I was startled a little, but the apologies coming from the maid, saying I'm so sorry sweet heart and I of course I'm lost for words and maybe I said its all right or something similar.  I never thought twice about the situation that had just occurred, I was semi naked and I thought what can she see?  This has been one of the most funny and very fond memories that I have and of course it brings a smile to my face every time I think of it.

One thing that stands out like a sore thumb, when it came time to return where I lived after visiting my aunt and uncle in Brisbane,  Sarah was nowhere to be seen,  I'm flummoxed by this oddity and I have no idea to this present day in time.  It does not matter anymore as Sarah was going to surface in a way that still stuns even me to this day.

Something that was not apparent to me in my two holidays that occurred in 1986 and 1987 and I have only realized it, while writing this story, I was certainly nervous when interacting with others on my first holiday more so, however on my second holiday, I cannot for the life of me recall being nervous at all and of course at the time I was passing without realizing it.  The question remains as to  why?  The only possible reasons are I was dressed appropriately a little makeup, hair in a plait and being confident in just being me.  Even I'm still amazed at what I did at the time.

I know I was sensitive to a certain degree, thinking can anybody read me, there was only one such instance that I can recall where I saw another young lady was looking at me.  I had just been to the toilet and was washing my hands, when I noticed this young lady was looking at me and I thought, is she aware of what I was?  It did not matter, I finished what I was doing and left.

During 1988, everything in a sense got turned upside down, the only major incident that occurred during that year that was note worthy was that I won an Australian gold medal in water life saving and a bronze medal for overall championship, yes a wonderful time in my life, but my antics caused me to be known more wildly around town, by being mentioned in the local news paper.  If that wasn't bad enough I had my mum also being mentioned in the paper as well, long story short, in 1985 she raised money A$18,500 for a disability group, the competition was the Mrs Australia contest, and coming 4th overall.  Yeah, too well known we were.

However Sarah wanted to be free again, the enjoyment she had from those two holidays was beyond anything she had ever encountered in her entire life.  The persistent thoughts of wanting and longing to be a female were not going away.  I knew I had long service coming up because I had worked for the government for more than 10 years and that gave me extra holiday time and of course I could use that to my advantage.

I loved my life, I was happy, content and spent time with family and friends.  Sometime during 1988, several thoughts crossed my mind and they solidified into the turning point of my life and those thoughts are listed below

• However, as you know, my well kept secret was growing stronger and stronger in my mind, that I wanted or longed to be a female and in addition, I was doing more female things.  So, this was my Conundrum #1.
• One of my closest friends from swimming who I spent a lot of time with, in swimming training, shooting, watched a couple of movies together, camping before a swimming meet and we spent time in each other's house.  He eventually, got a girlfriend, a fellow swimmer who also spent time with us.  Deep inside of me I was not happy and I wondered why?  Well, eventually the proverbial penny dropped.  I realized that I loved a man (no I was not gay) and I could not do anything about, it tore my heart to pieces. So, this was my Conundrum #2.
• I was speaking with my uncle and as far as I can remember it revolved around me wanting to be female (long story short) and he said to me, "you need to go and live as a female" or "you should try and live as a female". So, this was my Conundrum #3.
• I was pretty well known in the wider community because of swimming and every so often I was in the newspaper and to top it off my mum was also known in the wider community and newspaper articles were written about her too.  So, this was my Conundrum #4.
• Given that I'm very private, quiet and shy person, I most certainly did not want anybody to know about my most personal, private and thoughts about my condition.  So, this was my Conundrum #5.
• I read in a playboy or penthouse magazine an article that was several pages long and at the start of the article there was an outline of a man and several images later 'all outlines' the man changed into a female.  This was a major source of my knowledge in regards to my issue.  So this was my Information #1.

With those five conundrums and one piece of information and when they are all put together, the moment of revelation, the penny dropped or as I want to say now, My Epiphany and what was that?  I wanted to live the rest of my life as a female and that meant going away, so that I could achieve, which I knew in my heart would give me the peace of mind that I needed and wanted.

My uncle who said, "I should go and live my life as a female" and eventually my 'epiphany' occurring certainly steered my thoughts in the right direction on what I should do with my future.  So finally I decided to take a long extended service leave from the government,  I planned to maximize the time I could live as Sarah and that amount of time available to me was approximately one year.

All my friends and family, only knew that I was going to university, although that did not happen at the time, but going to university did come later.  I did not want my friends, my family and the wider community to know what I was going to do.  Why?  For several reasons, one I did not want them to know about my personal problem because I was a private, shy and quiet person, the second reason, I was very well known where I came from and the third reason and final nail in the coffin, I had feelings for a particular boy, that cut me deeply to core of my being and I could not do anything about it given the circumstances about me, if that makes sense.

I left because I did not want to hurt the people around me, I did not want them to know what I was doing, I did not want them to suffer any ramifications of what I going to do and most importantly and selfishly I left because, I was prepared to sacrifice all ties from friends and family at the cost of not ever seeing them ever again, so that I could live my life as a female even though it could hurt them no end, not knowing that I had gone from their lives.

So early in February 1989, in Brisbane near where my aunt and uncle lived, I was in a motel and during the day I had my ears pierced for the first time and both at the same time.  In the evening my aunt came to see me off. 

After she left, I cried my heart out, because I was leaving my family and friends, I cried because what I was going to do resonated so deeply within me, not that I knew what was going to happen and I cried I suppose because I was a female!   Sarah did not even know at that time, that she was never ever going to come back to where she lived ever and nobody else knew including my uncle and aunt.  I was never ever going to go back to my old way of life.

In the morning I dressed casually, little makeup on and my hair in a braid, I got into my car and I left my family and friends behind.  I did not look back in the rear view mirror so to speak.  Sarah was finally free forever and fully awake.  She had no plans whatsoever, this from someone who thought that once they had a permanent job they were set up for life, talk about throwing caution to the wind and to an uncertain future, even to this day, I still do not know how I was able to go down this path.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B

Hi Everyone

I was thinking about about Sarah's lack of presence on her return trips home to where she lived.  The relevant passage from Sarah's Race to SRS Part I is here:

Quote from: Sarah B on February 19, 2024, 05:20:18 AMOne thing that stands out like a sore thumb, when it came time to return where I lived after visiting my aunt and uncle in Brisbane,  Sarah was nowhere to be seen,  I'm flummoxed by this oddity and I have no idea to this present day in time.  It does not matter anymore as Sarah was going to surface in a way that still stuns even me to this day.

The reason being, she had to change and found it difficult to do so while at my uncle and aunt's place and when she arrived home, of course she had to disappear, but where could she.  You are right, I could have changed in the car.  I was just too nervous or scared too change.  I was just a plain old chicken.  I'm not perfect you know.

These are the memories that Sarah holds very close to her and they will be forever cherished in her heart and mind.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B

I think I might be too fat to change clothes in a car.  How big is your car?  And, where do you change so that no one will you?

Hi REM.1126

Nice to see you comment and thank you for reading my story.  You are more than welcome to join this corner of Susan's.  Now introductions are over, you cracked me up (made me laugh out aloud), lucky I did not have a mouthful of coffee or else I would have to clean my screens again. I like having clean screens.

The memories I have of changing in 1986 and 1987, none!  Except the Mataranka Springs and the 'maid' episode.

I currently have a 'ford territory suv black' so if you type those words in quotes into a search engine, you will see the type of car I now drive and I'm sure you would be able to change quite comfortably in it! ;D  :D

I'm of course writing the next episode of Sarah's story. So can you please let everyone you know around Susan's, know what I'm upto.

Hope to see you again soon.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B

Hi Everyone

I share with you a type of haiku. By me.





Best Wishes and Hugs to everyone
Sarah B

Hi Everyone

I have been meaning to say something that I have learned from a well known identity on Susan's.  You do not have to discuss the current post or you can come here to discuss amongst yourselves, whatever topic you would like to discuss.

So please, I would like you to follow just two rules:

• Please make yourselves at home here.
• Read rule number one.

So please get yourself a beverage and a biscuit from Danielle's pantry, I'm sure she will not mind and pull up a chair and have at it.  I'll be around, I need to finish another story.

Best Wishes and Hugs to everyone
Sarah B

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah:
I really like your posting with your invitation to your readers and followers
to "feel at home" on your Sarah B's Story Blog thread.

        I will bring the snacks that we can all enjoy...
        ....and be certain to have your coffee pot going.
         (https://i.imgur.com/gyEuTjam.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/AIl5qGem.jpg)

HUGS, and more HUGS,
Danielle
               

Quote from: Sarah B on February 20, 2024, 02:08:02 AMHi Everyone

I have been meaning to say something that I have learned from a well known identity on Susan's.  You do not have to discuss the current post or you can come here to discuss amongst yourselves, whatever topic you would like to discuss.

So please, I would like you to follow just two rules:

• Please make yourselves at home here.
• Read rule number one.

So please get yourself a beverage and a biscuit from Danielle's pantry, I'm sure she will not mind and pull up a chair and have at it.  I'll be around, I need to finish another story.

Best Wishes and Hugs to everyone
Sarah B

Hi Everyone

Good Morning every one I hope everyone is awake and getting ready to go to work or you are having sometime for yourself.

Outside the Kookaburra's are laughing their heads off and the Currawong are singing along as well.  Peace and quite of the country side Not!  Just kidding, better than car noises.

Danielle has come to the rescue and provided a plethora of cakes and biscuits for our morning tea break.  I sure we will all partake in testing the goodies and of course thank her from the bottom of our hearts.

On a serious note, well not that serious, I have an appointment with Dr Alice my new doctor.  I will be going over the referral letter that she drafted for me to see the gynecologist and I will have to emphasize that there are certain terms I would not like to be in it.

The letter was sent to me for checking and it was posted to me by the medical receptionist, not happy Jan to say the least.  I do not want to loose Dr Alice, my inner sense tells me, she is one to trust, but I need to emphasize, my privacy is paramount in regards to my 'medical condition'.

The other issues that will be discussed are my sex chromosomes and female hormone levels, she did  ask me about the results of the chromosomes and asked would I be all right when I find out. I replied I would be all right, there is nothing that I can do about it, so I will have to take it on the chin.  Either way it will bring closure on that part of my life, not that it made any difference in the way I have lived my life.

When I drive home I know I will shed a tear regardless of the result, if it's different than the expected result, I will still shed a tear, but with joy in my heart.  This is what happens when you have a logical mind like Dr Spock.

The hormone levels can be adjusted so I do not see any problem in this area as long as it's in the average range of normal female hormone cycle.

I did see my other doctor Dr Adam, I got some prescriptions that I needed progynova and panadol osteo slow release printed out.  I explained to him that the cortisone injection did not work and he said there was a tear in the muscle that needed healing so more therapy on the area is needed to help me function properly in my day to day living.

Well, I have had my fill of morning tea and I need to do my laundry and I want to go and have a swim, so I can contemplate about, 'life, the universe and everything'[1]

Best Wishes and Hugs to everyone
Sarah B
@Northern Star Girl
[1] Douglas Adams, The hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy

QuoteHi Everyone
Outside the Kookaburra's are laughing their heads off and the Currawong are singing along as well.  Peace and quite of the country side Not!  Just kidding, better than car noises.

Best Wishes and Hugs to everyone
Sarah B
@Northern Star Girl

Kookaburra and Currawong? You made those names up. Seriously, how did they come up with those names? I bet they just pulled a handful of Scrabble tiles out of a bag and tried to make something pronounceable.

I hope you have a fabulous day, Sarah.

Love always -- Jess

Hi Jessica

You said:

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on February 20, 2024, 06:41:06 PMKookaburra and Currawong? You made those names up. Seriously, how did they come up with those names? I bet they just pulled a handful of Scrabble tiles out of a bag and tried to make something pronounceable.

I hope you have a fabulous day, Sarah.

Love always -- Jess

Unfortunately Google cannot translate the Australian language into American English properly, so blame Google not me or us Aussie's.  It's hard enough for me to speak American properly, when I post, posts.

They came up with Kookaburra (Kingfisher) and Currawong (3 types) long before I came to Australia and I never made those names up.

The Kookaburra name comes from the Wiradjuri people of NSW.
The Currawong is most likely antecedent, is the word garrawaŋ from the local Jagera language of the Illawarra Region, NSW.

I always have a lovely day and I hope to have one today as well, you too as well.

Best wishes,love and hugs
Sarah B
@Jessica_Rose

We sang about the  Kookaburra as children. Here are the lyrics as I remember them:

Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree.
Merry, merry king of the bush is he.
Laugh, Kookaburra.
Laugh, Kookaburra.
How gay your life must be!

Quote from: Sarah B on February 20, 2024, 07:38:37 PMHi Jessica

Unfortunately Google cannot translate the Australian language into American English properly, so blame Google not me or us Aussie's.  It's hard enough for me to speak American properly, when I post, posts.

They came up with Kookaburra (Kingfisher) and Currawong (3 types) long before I came to Australia and I never made those names up.

The Kookaburra name comes from the Wiradjuri people of NSW.
The Currawong is most likely antecedent, is the word garrawaŋ from the local Jagera language of the Illawarra Region, NSW.

I always have a lovely day and I hope to have one today as well, you too as well.

Best wishes,love and hugs
Sarah B

My apologies, sometimes my attempts at humor miss their mark. It is interesting how similar languages often evolve quite differently based on the influence of local indigenous languages. I had heard of Kookaburras, but I had to look up Currawong. Australia is an amazing land, one of the few places I'm interested in visiting one day.

Love always -- Jess

Hi Jessica

Jessica I was joking with you as well. I knew you was joking.  I did not know where the bird names came from so I looked them up and learned something new.

Have a nice day, I'm going too.

Best wishes, love and hugs
Sarah B
@Jessica_Rose

Hi O&C

You mentioned this in your post therefore you must be an aussie?

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 21, 2024, 02:08:32 PMWe sang about the  Kookaburra as children. Here are the lyrics as I remember them:

Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree.
Merry, merry king of the bush is he.
Laugh, Kookaburra.
Laugh, Kookaburra.
How gay your life must be!

Where else would one learn this song from a teacher who had nothing else to teach their pupils?

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B

Not an Aussie. We also sang, "Marching to Pretoria," which came from the Boer War.

Hi Q&C

You said:

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 23, 2024, 11:14:42 AMNot an Aussie. We also sang, "Marching to Pretoria," which came from the Boer War.

Well I will make you an honorary one then.  So there.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B

Hi Everybody

It's been a bit quite around here and as I mentioned I had stuff that needed sorting out in the land down under.  It's 02:00 hours, close enough Australian time.  Why is she posting at such an an unruly hour?  No, she is not crazy, just stark raving mad, ok I'm just kidding.  So that you know I have always had my head screwed on right.  In all seriousness, I have often found it more relaxing, cool as in temperature wise and I seem to be more alert (clear) in my thinking.

Another reason being, I basically always got up so early in the morning around 04:00 hours to go and lifeguard at the local pool where I swam and taught swimming for around 12 years and looking after my mum.  So another 2 hours earlier is no biggy and of course when I was teaching.  The best time to get some serious work done

Lets begin by trying to have a shower, not once, not twice, but three bloody times.  You must remember I'm off grid and down sizing on my brothers property.  The dunny (Aussie slang for crap house) and shower are separate from the main shed.  There is a sink outside only 5 metres away from the shower.  I just woken up from having two sleeps, it had been a long day since I had already got up around 04:00 and I was just about to have a shower,

When I forgot my toothpaste and toothbrush which was on the sink, so number one attempt to have a shower failed, with towel around me I got the toothbursh and back to the shower, you must also know it's night time and you have to use a torch.  Damn, I forgot the toothpaste so number two attempt to have a shower failed and back to the shower.  Yes I know I could have brushed my teeth at the sink.

I start my shower and damn it's cold water, I could have had a a cold shower, it's not that cold and it's summer down here.  I wanted to have a hot one, because of the long day, so the switch to turn on the hot water is on the outside (gas heater) so attempt number three to have a shower failed.  Eventually I had a really long hot shower,  well if I run out of water, I will call in a water truck, but it has been raining the last couple of days so really not needed.

So the last two days in the end turned out wonderful.  What is that you say, where is the beginning?  Well lets go back 48 hours and you guessed it up around 04:00 hours getting ready to travel around 2:30 hours of driving to my previous place.  So morning chores and tidying up done.  Just basic clothes, no makeup, and hair in a bun, get into the car and head off.  This part never really changes.  I just like repeating it.

I arrive and its put some old furniture on the nature strip and sure enough vultures from out of nowhere descend and the items have disappeared from right under your nose.  Now this is recycling at it's best.  I took a couple of car loads of rubbish to the local waste recycling facility and this is one of the reasons why I have left the rat race behind. 

When you arrive at the facility you have to stop at a red light and when it goes green you drive up to the kiosk and they look at your driving license, record the details ask what are you dumping. 

Another reason is the amount of fixed speed cameras, average speed zones and random speed cameras, just recently they set up a monstrosity of a random camera system, which not only checks your speed but checks to see if you are wearing a seat belt and to see if you are using a cell (you see I can speak American).

Apparently the Queensland government has increased the usage of cameras and hence collect fines. All in the name of safety.  As I said I'm out of here.  Anyway I digress as usual.

Now I have to kill a few hours, until I see my new specialist doctor Dr Alice.  I arrived at the medical centre and I had to wait a little while and then I went into the consultation room.  Long story short, well no, there's no short cut to telling what happened.  If you have not already got a cuppa and a biscuit or cake from Daniels pantry, go and get one and I will continue in a minute or two.

As I was saying I went into the consultation room, we said a few words to each other and then I said hi how are you, she replied like wise and we laughed, talk about two peas in a pod.  I did raise my concern about how the referral letter for the gynecologist (Dr Amy) was handled and reiterated my need for extreme privacy, she again noted my concerns, she allayed my fears.  I checked my secure email account and she had sent me an Email after our first meeting, explaining the words she used.  Still not really happy but to get in early instead of 6 months. 

I have the referral letter and I will give the letter to Dr Amy personally.  I will make an appointment on Monday.  Dr Alice also said, she will ring, Dr Amy on Thursday night and ask her to give me a priority appointment hopefully with out explaining my circumstances.  I will take along my surgery letter and present it to Dr Amy at the initial consultation.  Talk about shocking people.

Moving right along. Hormone levels were good and she was quite happy with them, just above the average female level, so I'm pleased with that, testosterone virtually zero, my vitamin D level was borderline.  So I will greet the sun some more, which I have not been doing the last couple of months and I will get a supplement.

I explained my problem with the sciatica nerve, for the want of a better description, of the pain on the left hip.  More physiotherapy is need and my routine is up in arms at the moment.  The lab works have not come back on the chromosome tests and I know either way, I will have a little cry, when I'm alone.  How's that for predicting the future.  I may have mentioned this before, but I did say to her that she can ask me any question in regards my medical condition and I was comfortable with her, in other words she will be my main doctor.

So after the consultation I drove home another 3 hours, with a stop in between ready to do it all again on Friday  So on Friday it was back to where I used to live with mum.  Cleaned the place up and then drove all the way back, to my new home.  All this in 48 hours, sounds like a good title for a TV show what do you think?

It's 02:15 Sunday morning and I have to get this finished, I have been working on Sarah's Race to SRS and I have created, why I don't know why a Too Long, Didn't TL:DR version.  I don't know if I will post that version at the moment.  I need to polish it.  Too many things to do and not enough time for little old me, oh my god I'm old. No!

I'm going to bed as soon as I wrap this post up.  So I hope you have a wonderful weekend,  I need to get back into my normal routine and then I will be able to see the forest for the trees and what lies ahead for me. 

Don't forget to wash the dishes on your way out, please.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B

We sang the kookaburra song in Alabama as well.  I don't remember marching to Pretoria, but maybe.  We sang Ol' Polina, Oh Shenandoah(still love that song), Over the Sea to Skye (still like it a lot), and Don Gato.

Hi Everybody

In Sarah's Race to SRS Part II preamble which is to follow in the next post. What with moving, doctors appointments, travelling and helping out at Susan's.  I have neglected or been unable to work on Sarah's Race to SRS Part II.

I had pretty much written a short version, of the story.  I do not know why and since so much work had already been done I thought why waste it.  I suppose it's a way of wetting your appetite for more or leaving you in suspense for the real gossip.

I hope you enjoy.  Please if you want to ask me a personal question I shall try to within reason or endeavour to answer it the best way I can.

Sit back, relax and enjoy.

Best Wishes, Love and Hugs for Everyone
Sarah B

Sarah's Race to SRS Part II preamble

This is the shortest version that I can do for you.  After two years :eusa_dance:  :icon_dance:

---

This is the real short version, for those who's attention span is lacking.  The following is a brief summary of what I did in two years to get my surgery:

•   Arrived in Sydney Feb 1989.
•   Immediately I changed my name legally In Feb 1989
•   I then changed my names on my legal documents as soon as possible.
•   In Mar 1989 I was on hormones.
•   In Mar 1989 I saw my first psychiatrist .
•   Before end of April 1989 I was working full time.
•   In May 1990 I saw my second psychiatrist and my first surgery letter.
•   In May 1990 my second surgery letter came from my endocrinologist.
•   After May 1990 my third surgery letter came from my first psychiatrist.
•   Finally, in Feb 1991 I had my surgery, so that I could function as a female.

The whole journey really, only took me two years. 

---

This is a longer version of my race to get Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS).  However, if you want to read the epic version, then you will need to read Sarah's Race to SRS part II.

If you have been reading Sarah's story you know that I was definitely passing in 1988, even I did not know this at the time and that was with no hormones.  So I arrived in Sydney in Feb 1989 as Sarah.   So almost immediately, Sarah started to live her life the way she wanted and she was able to do this, because she passed.  If I was not able to pass when I arrived in Sydney you could at least say goodbye to Sarah as you know her today.

So almost immediately I changed my legal name at the time to my new legal name,  I did not plan  this step in anyway whatsoever.  Seriously and honestly I did not plan this and to put it into context, nothing I ever did to achieve SRS was deliberately planned ahead of time.  Sarah did not know that when she arrived in Sydney, that within two years she would have her SRS.  I'm sitting here writing this and I'm perplexed as much as you are on what Sarah did.  The absolute minimalist of outlines of what had to be done was mentioned and that was it.

So after changing my legal name, I set about changing all my legal documents to my new legal name, such as medicare card, drivers license and most important high school and civil engineering certificate transcripts.  This has to be stated categorically that by doing this, at the time, I have avoided any consequences that would have eventuated, by not doing so.  In other words, changing your legal name and documents straight away, you avoid any problems in the future.

In early March 1989, I saw a General Practitioner (GP) who was to be my doctor for the next 17 years and  I was given my hormones which consisted of Depo Provera an intramuscular injection given every two weeks and Premarin 2x2mg twice a day.  I started to see my first psychiatrist (or therapist) during March 1989.  The second time I saw him about a fortnight after the first visit I was working full time as a female, after that I only had to see him every month, which suited me fine. 

I mention it here and also in the long version of Sarah's Race to SRS, II, I was very wary of psychiatrists, from what I heard, or read more likely, that they were not friendly toward you and I was extremely cautious of what I said and in a sense there was a wall between us, in addition I was a naive young lady.  It must be said, I picked him because others mentioned in conversation that he was hard, but not according to a social worker who was to become a long time friend said, "he was fair". 

So typical me choose the difficult path to ensure, I got what I wanted, the determination or the fast paced actions, of what I was doing within the first couple of months, even astounds me to this day.  There was no dithering, back and forth shall I, or shall I not do something, hence no dysphoria per se.

In the end it did not matter because, I was working full time as a female within 3 months of arriving in Sydney and this is what set me up to succeed.  I had my head screwed on properly and I believe that is what my first psychiatrist saw in me, just another female living her day to day life.  If I ever regret anything in regards to what I have done and that was not seeing him later on after having my surgery and the success I achieved.  He wrote my third and final surgery letter after May 1990.

I did see an endocrinologist in the beginning, I do not have a specific time when I first saw him.  All he did was just monitor my hormone levels and in the future he wrote my second surgery letter, this particular letter was written in May 1990.

My second psychiatrist I saw maybe early in April 1990, because he wrote my first surgery letter in May 1990.  The only thing that stands out in these sessions was, I said maybe two poignant statements.  One was that I would always be a genetic male and two that the I knew that surgery was irreversible.

I saw my surgeon a couple of times and a couple of things, stand out, one you had to have blood tests and the main worry about them was you had to be HIV negative, if you were, then at the time it was considered a death sentence and two you did not have to have electrolysis in the genital area.  Yes no electrolysis in that area.  Awhile ago there was a discussion on this particular issue in a thread on Susan's and I wrote extensively about this subject.  Long story short you do not need electrolysis down there, as several surgeons at the time said you do not really need it.

So in summary, its been 33 years since surgery and 35 years since, I changed my life around.  I was never indecisive, meaning I never even thought about what I was going to do, in regards to what I wanted.  I never ever thought about wanting or longing to be a female ever again, I wonder why?  That's right I was living as a female.  It was like I needed HRT and to change my name legally,  I did those two things within 1 month of arriving, I was working within 3 months.  I needed two psychiatrists letters done in 15 months and I needed surgery arranged, so an appointment was made for it to be done.

So I had my surgery within two years.  I did not know at the time what the final outcome of my surgery was going to be.  I have mentioned this elsewhere, that when I woke up from my surgery the second time.  I felt the fog had finally lifted from my mind and a calmness, serenity and clarity decended over me like I had never known before and shall never experience again, before dropping back of to sleep.

After surgery and within two weeks I was back at work. Yes two weeks, I was walking around very gingerly.  I did not know until I came across Susan's Place 20 years after being in the woodwork.  I found out that by having surgery, I was able to function as any other female in society and to top it of, I was always a female.  Well I did not know that at the time because within one year after surgery I was functioning as female anyway.  I had waited 35 years for that one moment in time, talk about abstinence.  All right if you want me to spell it out I was a virgin.  This is something that most females in their younger years had dealt with.  Talk about being patient and I will never ever forget that moment.

Stay tuned for the full version of Sarah's Race to SRS Part II.  Which will come soon after a brief intermission.

Best Wishes, Love and Hugs to Everyone
Sarah B
PS  Minor edits have been made for clarity only and do not affect the story in anyway

Hi Everyone

It's good to see you all again, I know its been awhile since I have written about whats happenings in my life.  In actual fact I can not remember what has really happened in the last 10 days or so.  I sit at my computer and I'm listing to Sarah Mclachlan, the weather has been storms and heavy downpours for the past couple of days and of course a couple of power cuts.

I did mention that I left the rat race behind only to see it follow me with those speed camera systems being deployed between two country towns one bigger than the other with a lot more stores than the smaller town.

Hang on, I will put the jug on and I will get some biscuits out of the pantry.  Sorry to interrupt your conversations, but I'm sorry, its been awhile and the biscuits have gone stale.  So sorry, I can only offer you tea or coffee, this time around, I hope you can forgive my bad hospitality.

I don't worry about such systems as I use a mobile app called "Waze",  I do not normally use apps on my mobile phone unless they are absolutely necessary and open source.  "F-Droid" supplies a good amount of open sources apps.

There has only ever been a few apps that I have ever considered paying for and Waze is one of them, besides navigation and locating some businesses one of the most important feature it has is giving location of red light cameras and when random police speed cameras have been set up on the side of the road.

I was going to see Dr Alice (specialist) this Thursday 07/03/24, however I have a breast screen in a town called Toowoomba and that will be 2 hour trip one way.  She specifically urged me to get one so I'm going too, as it has been several years since I had my last one and of course they still had my information in their system.

However, the results would not be available for Dr Alice to use.  So I have cancelled that appointment, the next would be in a fortnights time, so plenty of time for the results to be sent to Dr Alice.  I do not think that there will be anything wrong giving my unique medical condition as it is rare to get breast cancer and my mum did not have breast cancer during her life.

In one weeks time I see Dr Amy the gynaecologist, I have prepared a list of things to bring up in regards to my 'medical condition'.  I do not think that there will be anything wrong in terms of functionality.  This appointment will one week before I see Dr Alice and the results of whatever the examination entails will be sent to her.  I will of course give a brief report on the examination.

So Dr Alice will have a reasonable summary of my medical history.  I tried to get my original medical history from my first doctor Dr Peter, I did ask them to keep that information.  However the current receptionist said they do not keep records beyond 7 years.  "Not Happy Jan".[1]

This means I was not happy and I said, to the receptionist that, "I explicitly wanted the records about me to be kept".  In our conversation I learned Dr Peter has retired.  I'm fracking getting old and I don't like it.  See how easy it is to get side tracked?

I have not had any physiotherapy for nearly two weeks and I have not been swimming as much as I would have liked.  So I'm Not Happy Jan.  However, the last two days I have been baby sitting my grand nieces.  One more reason as to why I moved closer to my immediate family.  It was so easy to look after them, it just came so naturally to me.

I guess teaching children swimming and maths certainly helped me.  This is one aspect of my life that is still missing and it hurts so much.  I was in the process of going down the road to foster children.  However fate intervenes again and I ended up looking after mum instead.  I will leave it there as it hurts too much thinking about it.

My brother and a sort of adopted niece called me while the kids where at school and we ended up going into the next town to get some grocery shopping, big mistake on my part, as you may know my brother has been teasing me all my life, cracking jokes, however the two of them were sitting in the front of the car and they continued to turn the volume of the music that was playing up and they looked at each other and laughed while I tried to talk.  I do not only have to contend with one but I have to now contend with two teasing me.  I suppose I should move on again.  No I was just joking about moving on again, it's so good to be around family.

There is one sour note in all of this.  I was speaking about me with my niece, whose children I was baby sitting and I asked if her partner new about me and she said, yes and he is all right with it.  This is the second time in recent weeks that members associated with the family know about me.  This indicates that members are revealing personal information about me, that should not be mentioned.

So you do not have control over what others say about you.  I'm not impressed about what has happened in regards to this revelation and I do not know what I should do about this.  I'm fracking pissed off about it and if it continues I might leave again permanently.

To which I think this basically brings you update with whats going on with my life.   Whoa there you thought that was all did you?  Well I have a free day all to myself on Thursday, no sleep in for this girl.  Obviously I will be organizing my humble abode a bit more and even I will set up my barbeque, that I brought over 6 moths ago.

I will set it up outside in my new patio, come garage port along with the portable gas cooking stove, that I brought while in the nearby town. Yes, I will go swimming that day and I will also go tomorrow morning and do some catch up laps.

Then on Friday I will be going walkabout, which means going bush in the Australian vernacular, to my property with my brother and his wife, which is about 150km away and I will be doing a 'Forest Gump' mowing the property, which will have long grass, which has grown with all the rain that we have been having recently.

Staying the night in a shipping container which has basic amenities shower, toilet and sink and bed.  Cooking is done outside on a barbeque set up that uses wood for fuel.  May be sleep there Saturday and come home earlier on Sunday morning, ready for next weeks adventure.

I hope to see you all again soon.  I will get in contact with the biscuit supplier and get fresh biscuits and cakes for next time.

Love and Hugs to one and all
Sarah B
[1] Not Happy Jan (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2N4EFwXQaM)

QuoteThis indicates that members are revealing personal information about me, that should not be mentioned.

I have been outed so many times that I've devoted considerable time to considering the dynamics of gossip. I have concluded that gossip is forever appealing because you can have a Tete a Tete, an intimate moment, with someone at zero risk. However, it's faux intimacy. True intimacy happens when you assume the risk and open yourself to others. When a family member opens you to others, you're assuming all the risk with zero consent.

I have always wanted to ask one of the many gossips in my family to let me be semi-present the next time they gossip.

"I'll be behind a curtain while you tell my story," I'd love to say. "I'll be back there judging the two of you while the two of you judge me."

They'd be aghast for a gossip wants to tell your story unencumbered, free of responsibility.
 

Hi O&C

Thank you for the post on this issue.

Yet I only have meet this person once or twice before asking my niece.  Her reply, when I asked who told him, she replied I don't know.  Which makes me think she lied.

However, I do not know if that is the case.  The only way is to ask the individual who told him about me, even then I do not know if that person is lying.

Her partner is not someone who I would ever ask or discuss my situation with.

I'm still f... fuming.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on March 05, 2024, 09:23:42 AMI have been outed so many times that I've devoted considerable time to considering the dynamics of gossip. I have concluded that gossip is forever appealing because you can have a Tete a Tete, an intimate moment, with someone at zero risk. However, it's faux intimacy. True intimacy happens when you assume the risk and open yourself to others. When a family member opens you to others, you're assuming all the risk with zero consent.

I have always wanted to ask one of the many gossips in my family to let me be semi-present the next time they gossip.

"I'll be behind a curtain while you tell my story," I'd love to say. "I'll be back there judging the two of you while the two of you judge me."

They'd be aghast for a gossip wants to tell your story unencumbered, free of responsibility.
 

One of my sisters (the youngest of the three — all older than me), has always struggled going to lunch with her sisters. She loves them, she just doesn't like when it's just the three of them.
I told her that it's because she feels judged. And rather than lie and that she isn't being judged, I told her that of course she's being judged... everyone judges everyone else all the time.
But the key is that you have to get to the point where you don't let other people's judgements bother you.
Their ACTIONS, yes, but not just their passive judgements.

So when people share your story without your consent, I guess I see that as an action... and something worthy of being upset about it. But the judgment is none of my business. Easier said than done, sure. But that's the goal.

Hi Allie, Danielle and O&C

Thank you for replying to my post on this issue.

Therein lies the issue of what to do.  I cannot control what they say or what they think of me.  In fact to put it bluntly it was my uncle that originally outed me to the family.  So 'Not Happy Jan' on that issue.

I have always have been thick skinned and I tend to be quite and reserved.  Yes, I know this hurts me and being outed several times within the last month since I have got closer to my family.  Then I'm thinking what are they thinking about me.  This is not a situation that I'm used to.

Which is self defeating and this is why I keep saying being outed is like having your forehead branded with 'trans' whatever.

I was away from my family for over 25 years and I never ever had this problem.  Albeit I was amongst friends and not family who never knew, since I never told them and if they suspected then I was never asked if I was.

I'm going to have to think about what I'm going to do in the future in regards to this issue.  If I find out if anyone is outing me I will adjust my behaviour towards that individual concerned.

It's late here in Aussie land, 02:11 hours.  I should go and get some sleep and sleep on it!

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
@Oldandcreaky
@imallie
@Northern Star Girl

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah:
I have really been enjoying reading your "Story"  regarding your life "adventures" and what you are sharing
regarding the issues of what you are describing about yourself.  For sure it is an somewhat common issue that
is familiar to O&C, ImAllie, and me included ...and other members that have dealt with coming-out issues
especially as it  relates to family members and close friends.

As most of us experienced or are experiencing, we don't always receive overwhelming support and
affirming words from some. 
The best thing we can do is to live our life and "demonstrate" that we can be successful in our life choices. 
Especially with family members it is important to not hold grudges or to not draw away from
those relationships...
...friends can come and go, but family is "family" forever.

Thank you for sharing from your heart as you continue to live your life and telling your "Sarah B's Story".

Many HUGS,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Hi Danielle

Thank you for your reply it is really appreciated.  Yes, no grudges.  I'm now experiencing some outing issues and it's not pleasant to say the least.

I have not heard anything bad in regards to me.  Yes, I have been successful since I changed my life around maybe more so than before.  Yes, I'm telling my story and that was what I was doing just before, I reentered Susan's.

I still don't know what the future holds for me only time will tell.

My bed is calling, me so, I will greet it with open arms.

Hugs and more Hugs
Sarah B
@Northern Star Girl
PS I'm ok.

For myself, I reached a point where I was confident that I had discovered my true self. I can't say I stopped caring what others think, it still stings a bit. I just explain to them that I am the same person I have always been. The only difference is that now they know some intimate details about me that I never shared with them before. I also add that I did not get here on some weird impulse. I didn't wake up one morning thinking I'd like to have boobs. It doesn't work like that. Years of therapy helped me understand, and if they are willing to listen, I will help them understand. But I am not going to change just because they are uncomfortable with it. How they feel about it is their burden to deal with. Some won't take it well. Some will be supportive. Some may even come around later after they have had a chance to see for themselves that you are still you.

There is nothing wrong with going slow and doing things when YOU are ready. I feel your pain and hopefully, soon it will all be a part of the past. You will have moved on and be living your best life ever. I'm rooting for ya!

Hugs!
Lori

Hi One and All

Just to let everyone know I'm ok.  Why would I not be?  I have a breast screening today at 12:00 hours Aussie Eastern Standard Time.  I'm sure you really liked me to tell you that.

I will definitely know the results in a week at least unless Breast Screen sends me a copy of the results.

Ok I will boast a little because I was thinking of it.  Breasts being screened an affirmation of being female.  There I said it.

Have a nice day everyone and I will endevour to keep this log a little bit more uptodate. Yes I will have a bit more time to work on Sarah's Race...  Especially tomorrow.

Anyway I have to get ready to go, that means.  Put on some appropriate clothes, long skirt and blouse with no sleeve, some lipstick and mascara and of course my hair in plait.  No braid today my finger nails are long and it's harder to do.  No full makeup because the weather can get very hot and I perspire easily (bugger that).  Then I will get in my car and travel to my destination, it will take under 2 hours, but I have planned for extra time.  Does that sound familiar?  If you don't then you have not been paying attention or you have not read my story.

I will wrap this post up and I will have to wait another 2 hours to go before I go.  I will lurk unless I make another impromptu post.

Love, Hugs and Hugs to all
Sarah B

@Oldandcreaky
@imallie
@Northern Star Girl
@LoriDee

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah: 
I am glad that you reported that you are OK.
Regarding your breast screening.... yes, I am glad that you shared
that bit of information.
I will be looking for your update regarding the results, but only if
you wish to share.

HUGS and as always, my very best wishes to you.
Danielle

Hi Danielle

Thank you for your concern, I'm really ok and I'm just frigging mad that family members are telling their partners 'about me'.

I have to go and have a sleep I was up until about 3 I think and I have only had two hours sleep and then I have had 5 hours of driving for about 10 minutes of squeezing my proverbials
.
Hugs and Hugs
Sarah B
@Northern Star Girl

Glad you are OK.
Are you still on Walkabout, or back now?
Any exciting stories to tell? Don't keep us in suspense.  ;D

Hugs!
Lori

Hi Lori

Thank you for your reply and concern.

I'm frothing at the mouth because members of my family are telling new members of the family 'about me'.  As mentioned. I will take care of it.

Walkabout trip starts on Friday and may go until Sunday.  Will be going to my bush property to mow the lawn like Forest Gump.

I'm doing this lying down after a much needed sleep.

Hugs
Sarah B

My mum keeps dropping me in it like shes proud and has to boast! Give up with the he will you.

Hi Everyone

A little tidbit about me.  How did I learn to take off my bra, while I still had a blouse, jumper, or a t-shirt on?

Flashdance of course!  Unbelievable, when I first saw that scene where Alex and Nick were facing each other and Alex proceeded to take of her black bra, while still wearing her sweater, I thought that was so cool.

Today that is one of the methods that I use to take of my bra.  One other tidbit, Flashdance was the only movie that I ever took my mum to see and she certainly enjoyed it.  Watching a chic flick with mum, a priceless memory.

I have mentioned in other posts that I also listened to the Flashdance sound track while travelling across Australia.

The memories and Flashdance are in bedded in my psyche forever.

Hugs for all
Sarah B

Hi Divina

Good to see you here:

Quote from: davina61 on March 06, 2024, 03:53:27 AMMy mum keeps dropping me in it like shes proud and has to boast! Give up with the he will you.

I honestly do not know how to solve that problem, maybe tell her off, would probably not work.  Age I suppose plays a part in this or not?

The only family member who I would tolerate calling me by my previous name was my grandmother, but I think she had dementia so I did not care if she called me properly or not.  I loved her too much.

I hope you can find a solution to this pronoun issue.

Love and Hugs always
Sarah B

I grew up in a household where I was the entertainment and my mom would phone all her friends and family to tell them about any embarrassing thing I did growing up. Within minutes the whole family and town, knew what I had done. I couldn't stand her knowing I was trans so unfortunately, I waited till she passed to start my journey. Not a good decision on my part but its done. Some people just have such small lives they live off others and gossip. I doubt you will ever change her if she is anything like my mom was. Perhaps acceptance is the best one can hope for and reveal only what you want everyone else to know.
Hugs Gina

She is 88 next week! I do tell her but it refuses to sink in, I did have a couple of "goes" at her over the holiday as she doesn't listen when being told things. Think they call it selective hearing.

I understand not liking them outting you.  That's easy to understand.  I think anyone would feel that way. 

As you may remember, I am not out to many people.  I haven't transitioned at all.  So, there isn't any reason to out myself unless I want to confide in someone. 

One of my holdups on transitioning is that I would be out to the whole world.  And, in part, I am sure that I feel that way because I am sure I'd never pass.  I wouldn't have to tell anyone I was trans, they'd just know. 

They might be polite.  They might be rude.  But, they'd know.  And, I don't have the self confidence and self love to be able to handle that well. 

I guess what I am saying is, if you are worried about family outting you, that is a strong sign that you believe you pass well.  I admit that I am jealous. 

Hi Gina

The last couple of posts have not been pleasant and I do not like dwelling on what has been mentioned it wastes so much energy.  I will sort the problem out and move on.  You wrote the following post and I did write a reply.

However I did not do the reply offline and some silly mistake on my part, I lost what I had done and of course I had nearly finished it.  I was fuming to say the least.  Anyway I have just got back from activities and interruptions and finally have a chance to reply to what you said in your post:

Quote from: Gina P on March 06, 2024, 05:46:36 AMI grew up in a household where I was the entertainment and my mom would phone all her friends and family to tell them about any embarrassing thing I did growing up. Within minutes the whole family and town, knew what I had done.

There can be several reasons as to why your mum would tell friends and family.  One they want to feel superior and they are insecure because of you.  So they put you down to achieve that and they do that by belittling you.

Two, they are afraid of you and hence try to put some distance between the both of you and they do that by belittling you.  There probably is a reason for that and that is they don't want to discuss your issue with them.

We can talk about this a lot more, however others need a way to avoid situations like this and move on with their lives sooner.

Quote from: Gina P on March 06, 2024, 05:46:36 AMI couldn't stand her knowing I was trans so unfortunately, I waited till she passed to start my journey. Not a good decision on my part but its done. Some people just have such small lives they live off others and gossip. I doubt you will ever change her if she is anything like my mom was. Perhaps acceptance is the best one can hope for and reveal only what you want everyone else to know.

Hugs Gina

It saddens me that you had to delay your journey until after your mum's passing. I know you made a wrong choice, but I hope you are a lot happier now than you was before.

Acceptance is one thing, changing them is another or revenge, but that never works in the long run.  If these solutions don't work then there comes a time in certain cases, where one has to leave the family to protect oneself.

In my case I'm more than likely to let sleeping dogs lie.  Please look after yourself as I will do and become more successful in what you do.

This I'm sure will make you the better person than you are and of course others.

Best Wishes, Love and Hugs
Sarah B
@Gina P

Hi Everyone

It's me again and after a hectic week of baby sitting, visiting a breast clinic and going walkabout.  I know you all read about my exploits in baby sitting so I will not repeat them here, well there was not that much to tell anyway. It was just another day.

The main points for this post is a report on what happens when my doctor, Dr Alice asks me to have a breast screen done.  I have not had a breast screen done since 2016.

BreastScreen is an Australian states and Territory governments initiative and aims to reduce illness and death from breast cancer by detecting the disease early.  Women between 40 and 75 can have a free mammogram every 2 years.

So I made an appointment and they still had my details, updated a few minor details.  My appointment came around and that was on Wednesday, March 6th.  Obviously I have already mentioned this I think and I prepared myself for the trip.  Which goes like this, clothes on, makeup done, hair in a plait.

Travelling in the cities is usually cars, trains or buses.  However when you are inland or the country one travels by car and very long distances.  So I get in my car and I travel 150km (93mi) to a big town called Toowoomba where the BreastScreen clinic is located.

Yes I did try to find out if they had clinics nearby but no.  Only mobile units and the dates were not practical ones, one was in January and the other was in September for this year, so no go.

I arrived pretty much on time 11:50 and navigation was pretty good, using an app called Waze.  Damn good if you ask me.  Anyway I go upstairs and check in with the receptionist and I have to fill in some details on a form, well in this case it was a tablet.

There are about 10 questions, none of them were obnoxious, well one or two, like 'do you identify as an aboriginal',  I usually answer 'do not wish to answer the question.  How about a question like, are you an Australian Citizen? or are you Human?  Alright I will get of my hobby horse.

The most important question of course is, "are you pregnant", sadly I have to answer no, to this question.  So all in all this took about 5 minutes.  Then I was called in, the technician introduced herself and guess what her name was?  Her name was Sarah, unbelievable.  She then asked me to confirm who I was and my date of birth.  Then you take of you blouse and bra.

I was prepared for this, you do not put on a full length dress for this examination!  Walk over to the machine and she asked me to put my right breast down first, some fiddling ensued to get it just right, the machine then squeezes the breast, then keep still, x-ray taken.  This happened for the left breast as well.

These shots were taken, with the machine looking straight down on my breasts.  Another two shots were taken of my breasts with the machine angled at 45 degrees differently for each breast.  So a total of 4 shots were taken and then it was get dressed.

She then explained, after I asked her when the results would be ready and she said 3 weeks and 3 doctors will examine the x ray's of my breast.  After thanking her and saying good bye.  I went to the receptionist and checked to see where my result would be sent.  One to me I believe and one to my current doctor, but not Dr Alice.  She was not on the system.

On the way out there were some pink lollipops on a small table, I looked at them and said to myself "why not", and I said out loud, "I might as well take one", so I took one and a couple of ladies that were waiting for their screening, laughed, I then said "I was a good little girl, so I can have one",  more laughter ensued.

I was out of the building and I noticed the time and it was around 12:10.  So the whole procedure only took about 10 minutes to put my breast on the class plate and out the door, the efficiency of the visit was unbelievable, 10 minutes to have my breasts checked and 4 hours travelling time, which was annoying at it's best.  Well that is what happens when you become a country bumpkin.

So having your breasts examined for cancer is no big deal and when I receive the results I will let you know.  It's a good experience.  It was a wonderful day.

I will not include my adventures in going walkabouts, but will do so in the next post by me.  Take care and I will see you soon.  I placed an order for cakes and biscuits and they will arrive in due course.

Hugs and more Hugs
Sarah B
PS Was I embarrassed? Not even in the slightest.

I have mammograms done every year because I am turning 67 this year. I am fortunate that they can do them here at a local radiology clinic. The images get checked by a radiologist, and then pics and reports go to my doctor. If I make a special request, they will send me copies as well. But I can download them through the VA patient portal after my doctor has reviewed them and the reports and everything gets entered into my records. A four-hour drive for a ten-minute procedure sounds mind-numbing. I'm proud of you for doing it. It is never a bad thing to protect your health.
Save the ta-tas!   ;D

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah:
I love reading about your exploits, you describe them all with such interesting detail.

I hope, pray, and trust that the results come out negative...  Thank you for keeping me and the rest of your followers updated.

I chuckled regarding your country bumpkin comment and driving many hours to go to another town to the clinic.
My situations is similar, I had to drive 7 hours (~370 miles) [~595 Km] to the big city of Anchorage to get my mammogram.

A couple years ago in one of my mammograms they wanted to do a followup "needle biopsy" when they saw what they assumed was a benign cyst....  the needle biopsy was not fun as the doctor wiggled it around about an inch or two into my breast to get the biopsy sample that he was going after.
    ..... pain and discomfort.... but the results were negative, so that was comforting.

Again... I am wishing a good report for you.
HUGS, Danielle

Hi Everyone

Short post.  I'm going for a swim at the local pool which opens at 10:00 on a Saturday.  It's a weird hour, but it's open which is all I care about as I have not had a swim this week.

This is one program that deals with medley training.  The other strokes will be done next training session.  The butterfly will be done as follows (one arm down, the other arm back, one full lap both arms).

500m warm up
500m Freestyle kick
500m Swim Freestyle pull (3, 5, 7 breathe)
500m Swim backstroke
500m Backstroke kick
500m Swim backstroke pull

So not a bad session, at all.  This is just a moderate session in terms of distance but reasonably easy.

Now you can have nightmares about swimming training.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
PS Did I tell you, that I love swimming?

Quote from: Sarah B on March 08, 2024, 05:36:42 PMHi Everyone

Short post.  I'm going for a swim at the local pool which opens at 10:00 on a Saturday.  It's a weird hour, but it's open which is all I care about as I have not had a swim this week.

This is one program that deals with medley training.  The other strokes will be done next training session.  The butterfly will be done as follows (one arm down, the other arm back, one full lap both arms).

500m warm up
500m Freestyle kick
500m Swim Freestyle pull (3, 5, 7 breathe)
500m Swim backstroke
500m Backstroke kick
500m Swim backstroke pull

So not a bad session, at all.  This is just a moderate session in terms of distance but reasonably easy.

Now you can have nightmares about swimming training.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
PS Did I tell you, that I love swimming?

I am curious, is swimming training like marathon training? A lot 'low and slow' with a little bit of intense/interval training mixed in?

Quote from: Sarah B on March 08, 2024, 04:48:34 PMSo having your breasts examined for cancer is no big deal

It's a bigger deal when you have have implants... They do each breast twice... Once with the implant between the plates and one without the implants in the field .. so besides the squishing, your breasts also get pulled and stretched for the latter!

- karen

Hi Everyone

@Jenn104

You said

Quote from: Jenn104 on March 08, 2024, 06:47:32 PMI am curious, is swimming training like marathon training? A lot 'low and slow' with a little bit of intense/interval training mixed in?

I really don't know, however I just do distance work and over a period of time, decrease the time to do the distance.  Which means more laps one can do.  When it comes to race times I just work through and if its a big meet then tapering happens and more intense and interval training occurs.

@Karen_A

Quote from: Karen_A on March 08, 2024, 09:40:11 PMIt's a bigger deal when you have have implants... They do each breast twice... Once with the implant between the plates and one without the implants in the field .. so besides the squishing, your breasts also get pulled and stretched for the latter!

- karen

My breasts were x-rayed twice, one at 90 degrees and the other at 45 degrees so a total of 4 x-rays.  I do not follow the comment "one without the implants in the field".  Could you explain this a bit more I'm clueless.

As for the pulling, stretching and pushing of my breasts, I thought it was a bit funny as the technician was doing such a fantastic job.  The look of "I seen one breast, I have seen them all" expression on her face was comical, it was blank, she just did her job.  As I said in and out no fuss.

@Sarah B

Yes I know, talking to myself is the first sign of madness.

I changed my program while swimming this morning

1000m warm up (not 500m)
500m  Freestyle kick
1000m Swim Freestyle pull (3, 5, 7 breathe) (not 500m)
500m  Swim backstroke
500m  Backstroke kick
500m  Swim backstroke pull[/quote]

Still not a bad session, at all 4000m or 4km. Roughly 80 laps of a 50 yard pool.  But paying the price I'm exhausted and tired.  One more thing 3, 5 and 7 means, 3 strokes breathe to the side, then 5 strokes breathe to the other side and finally you guessed it, 7 strokes breathe to side you started on.

You then start the pattern again.  it sounds easy, but you have to concentrate on controlling your breathing, but it's not.  One mistake and you have to start all over again and getting back into the rhythm is the hard part.

Now you can have more nightmares about swimming training.

Hugs and more Hugs
Sarah B

My 3 kids swim like fish but I could never get my head above water, added to that my vertigo from not being supported and I gave up.

Hi Everyone

One day to go to see my first gynaecologist on Wednesday 13th at 16:00 hours, "I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it".[1]  Other than my surgeon, who checked me after my surgery and my boyfriends, nobody has seen downstairs.  I have a couple of times, I believe just after surgery and that was it.  I was not obsessed with what it looked like as appearances differ from one female to another.  I will give you a run down on a sanitized version of the visit, I promise you.

Anyway, I went bush for a couple of days to my property with my brother, who I will call Michael from now on and his wife, who I will call Amanda from now on.  Mainly to have a rest if you call mowing the property to make sure there is a fire break, a break or a kit kat break.  A nice chocolate bar, ok enough with the lame jokes.

I did try to take a picture of the highway to indicate the long stretches that occur, but they were not that focused, so I will not bother uploading them.  When I go up next time, which will be the Easter holidays, I will be in my car and I will stop and take a couple of shots, these highways are not the longest that one can come across in Australia.

We arrived and the first thing of the bat was switch on water pumps and electric circuits for the portable fridge, freezer esky.  Then it was a nice cup of hot tea.

Michael then got the two ride on mowers ready for us girls.  I had never in my life ridden a ride on mower and I was given a quick lesson on how to drive one.  Which was fairly easy to do, while I was cutting the grass my brother kept giving me pointers.  I cut the bottom section of the property, Amanda did the top halve.  Halfway through cutting. We stopped for a rest and you guessed it another cup of tea.  It was then back to the grind of finishing the mowing.

Since I was doing the steeper slope.  The area beyond the fire pit.  I thought I was going to be thrown off the mower, but that did not happened as they say you learn on the job.  I ended up with abrasions on the left leg from some handle and I got a bruise from a stone that flew out from the blades and hit my right leg, this was when I was sort of tipping over and my right leg was raised up.  It's healing.  Along with being battered and bruised. I was wearing white long trouser pants.  Big mistake, the dust being kicked up from the mower, settled on them.

When I went to wash them later.  I forgot to put the washing powder in, so I had to do the washing all over again.

With the job finished, it was another cup of tea, then a shower to get rid of the dirt and grime.  Which was followed by an afternoon nap.  Amanda layed down and read or watch her ipad.  Michael pottered around the property collecting firewood for cooking the tea (dinner) in the fire pit that night.

After waking up it was time for preparing the meal a basic stew with sausages, pork, potatoes and swede and some spices, and stock.  While me and Amanda prepared for the evening meal, this was done on the park bench.  I told her my history on what I had I done.  It's usually the girls that are more interested in what I did than the men, maybe it's because it's women's business.  I don't know, what do you think?  Dinner cooked, we ate it and was a really nice dinner, after a hard days work.  Dishes were washed and then we spent time on our own, before going to bed to sleep.

In the following photo you will see in foreground the fire pit which was used to cook our tea is on the left.  The grass closest to the pit and park bench, which is on the right underneath the overhead cover, which is were we ate our tea and the grass that was mowed.
The next photo is a building with an outside toilet on the left and sleeping quarters, to the right, the one with the brown water tanks.  You can see that the grass has been cut.  To the right you can see the ride on mowers there are two of them,  this also a barbeque area for cooking breakfast , lunch and tea.  We did cook breakfast on this barbeque, in the morning which consisted of toast and bacon.
The final photo shows another sleeping quarters in the background, the barbeque are on the left and the fire pit in foreground.  One last thing the property size is 16ha (40 acres).
I should have planned taking better photos to show what was going on, next time I will do a better job.  So after breakfast we packed up and returned home for a pretty easy weekend of doing nothing for a change.

I'm going to do some house chores for the rest of the day and get ready for my trip tomorrow which will take up to 3 hours.  Things one must do, oh well that's life.

Love and Hugs for Everyone Sarah B
[1] Pointer Sisters (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yz6hTuK9yBo)

I know what the roads are like from watching things like Outback Gold Miners and the Opal Hunters shows as well as the Road Trains. Vast is the word! Looks like a nice camp spot, recon wild fires are the biggest worry.

Great pics, Sarah. Thanks for sharing.
If I had a property like that, I would live there full-time.  ;D

Sarah - that VIEW in the first picture!!!! That's incredible. I can only imagine how hard it is to leave every time you get settled in there for a few days.

Love,
Allie

Hi Everyone

Someday, one day
Time's not so far away
We can share the dreams we've had
Oh, someday, ooh-ooh-ooh!

Hey, there, look in the mirror
Tell me, what do you see before you?
I see someone to be proud of
I see someone that I love

..... [1]

I was going to start this update to my blog with, "one day someday" and an instant flash of memory reminded me of one of my all time favourite songs, you guessed it, "Someday, one day",  then I could not help myself and started to write down the first couple of versus of the song.

The Seekers have always been a favourite of mine since I was a little girl.  Why?  Reason being, I have always liked guitar and folk music, today I still do and I like acoustic cover versions of various songs as well.

As you can see the words have a deep and meaningful relationship for us, well in fact for everyone

As I have mentioned previously, I said I was going to update you on my first visit to a gynaecologist in my life.  So the question remains, why would I seek a gynaecologist at this stage in my life after an absence of 33 years?

Well curiosity got the better of me.  In terms of how it looked, I have not seen it in 33 years, that's right I have not seen it since surgery.  It goes along with what I know, all vaginas are different from one women to the next.  So knowing that, I have never obsessed about what it looks like.  Anyway I'm getting ahead of myself.

Since the trip was over 250km (151mi) and the appointment was for 16:00 hours so 3 hours allowed for travelling that distance at a speed of 100km/h (60mph).  Knowing that I was hitting the big smoke, Brisbane, lets add another 1 hour of congestion.   So 4 hours allowed for travelling, starting at 12:00 hours.  I was being a little pedantic about these calculations, why, because I did not want to miss my appointment with the gynaecologist.

So on the day Wednesday 13th I took my time getting ready and low and behold I was way ahead of schedule, in other words I was waiting around.  So I spent sometime on Susan's.  In the end, I said bugger it lets go a little earlier and I can travel a little less than 100km/h.  It's just as well I went earlier.

I had not gone more than 40km out of town on the major highway, when I had to stop because a lot of cars where queued up in front of me.  Thinking it was a road work construction and hoping we would soon be able to move on.  However, that was not the case, so 40 minutes later we were allowed to move on.

I guessed it was an accident (saw an ambulance go by), which had occurred ahead and when I drove pass, a car was seen, that had flipped on to it's roof.  No injured person was seen.  So what happened I will not know unless they mention it in the news.

Just as well I left earlier than planned.  Since I was able to arrive just before the scheduled time, fill in the obligatory form and signed my life away.  I was able to freshen up before the appointment.  When I sat down, I was called in by Dr Amy (the gynaecologist).  We introduce ourselves of course as one does when meeting new people for the first time.

I asked if my current doctor Dr Alice had rung and she said yes and she was a bit cryptic in what she said to me.  It's even fuzzy to me, what went on with that conversation, but never mind, it does not matter.  So for the second time in a couple of months.  I gave her my surgery letter, in which case she started to read it.  She immediately commented on the surgeon, Dr Peter Haertsch, so she knew of his reputation and then I handed her my referral letter.

I suppose I gave her my surgery letter as a sign of respect, I knew before hand that she was interested in my 'medial condition' and I wanted to be up front with her on my condition, so there were no barriers between us.  I also mentioned, that I was extremely private in regards to my 'medical condition', so that any solution to my health, my privacy would be kept in mind.   I also casually mentioned that no one has seen down below their except for boyfriends in 33 years, she laughed at that.

Which made me fill at ease even further.  I told her I knew that I had an outer labia and a clitoris, I also told her, I think that I had a minor labia and was told at the time when I asked about it, but I was not sure, I also mentioned a couple of other things, that were not important like scaring.  Dr Amy, told me, so basically, she said, "you want a health check on your vagina", I replied yes.

In addition I told her I was having weeing problems, which was mentioned on the referral letter that I handed to her.  All of this was interspaced with stories and what I had done.

Examination time!  I of course had to undress that meant taking of my trousers mid length or Culottes or Chinos and my underwear and then climb on to the exam table.  Dr Amy examined me and told me the following.  I have a healthy vagina, also I have a major and minor labia oh and a clitoris. Well I know that I have one of those!

Was I ecstatic, oh yes, I was over the moon, because she confirmed that I had a minor labia and my surgeon had done a brilliant job 33 years ago (I kept my joy to myself),  I did say in regards to the minor labia, that's good to hear.  However, the good news was tempered with some bad news and that I had at least BPH.  Examination was done within may 5 to 10 minutes.

One thing that was funny, Dr Alice said she was going to go and get a magnifying glass and when she came back in this instrument was nearly as big as herself.  I don't know what the instrument was called but it was funny and said, that's a magnifying glass?  She said, "yes".

She said to me that she was going to contact a urologist and bottom surgery specialist and would ring me in regards to that conversation and what is going to happen in the future.  As I was travelling home, I considered the ramifications of my problem and my immediate answer was, with no dithering in my thought processes, that I would have the offending organ removed.

Missing a turn on my way back home in the outback was fun as instant update on my satellite navigation systems took me around the back roads of the bush.  I arrived safely home as you can see as I'm typing this on my computer.  It was a wonderful day.

Dr Amy rang me on Friday and basically said further tests will be needed in regards to my problem with weeing.  I mentioned surgery and she said medicine would be the most likely outcome.  I did do a little bit more research on it and I'm still inclined to go the surgery result.  Having a reminder, that organ is still present in my body is enough to make me feel nauseous.  Even though removing the organ is not easy to do.  I will see what happens and keep you informed as it's important for other members to know what happens in my case.

Well it has been a long day and it's pass midnight here in Australia and it's Saturday, other than my brother helping move some boxes on Friday nothing exciting happened.

Take care and have a nice day and weekend, see you all again soon.

Hugs
Sarah B
[1]  Someday, One Day (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VfJ-ul4TfBc)
Offical Greeter

Hi Allie

Thank you for your kind reply:

Quote from: imallie on March 13, 2024, 11:47:22 AMSarah - that VIEW in the first picture!!!! That's incredible. I can only imagine how hard it is to leave every time you get settled in there for a few days.

Love,
Allie

Yes, a wonderful view and when a porch is applied to the buiding in the middle of the last picture and that big tree to the left is removed it will be a picturesque view.

Yes, it would be nice to stay there all the time and more work needs to be done to make it practicable to live there full time.  It will come eventually.

See you around and I hope you have a nice weekend and I have provided you with a little light reading above.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
@imallie

I had my GP look as I had an infection after having treatment by my surgeon on a patch, I asked her how it looked and she said she would not had know it was not natural. Prostrate is a risk we all have if that is what you mean?   

Quote from: Sarah B on March 15, 2024, 10:54:36 AMHi Allie

Thank you for your kind reply:

Yes, a wonderful view and when a porch is applied to the buiding in the middle of the last picture and that big tree to the left is removed it will be a picturesque view.

Yes, it would be nice to stay there all the time and more work needs to be done to make it practicable to live there full time.  It will come eventually.

See you around and I hope you have a nice weekend and I have provided you with a little light reading above.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
@imallie

Oh that sounds lovely! So how often are you there during the year? From your description I infer that it's a bit of a journey, so I'm guessing you go less frequently but for longer stretches?

Hi Allie

I hope you enjoyed my posts!

Quote from: imallie on March 15, 2024, 11:58:27 AMOh that sounds lovely! So how often are you there during the year? From your description I infer that it's a bit of a journey, so I'm guessing you go less frequently but for longer stretches?

I will know in about a year, but I have been up there several times this year as I have just recently acquired it.  The distance is only about 160km (100mi), actually a bit less, but close enough.  The next time I go up there, several members of my family will also be there (clan gathering) and it will be for the Easter Break and that will be nearly for a whole week, it will be like a camping holiday with some work to do around the property.

Stay tuned for more adventures of Sarah off Grid!

Love and Hugs
Sarah B

Sarah, The camp looks beautiful. I can't imagine how hard it must be to leave there. Don't be so quick to have the prostate removed. My neighbor did that and now must wear a diaper all the time as well as other issues.
  Funny when talking with men they talk about thier accomplishments, what they have bought and done, what thier sports team is doing. Most women talk, more about family and what's going on in thier lives on a more personal level. Ill take the women talk anyday. 
Hugs Gina

Quote from: Sarah B on January 31, 2024, 06:16:43 AMI have lived my life as me.  From the beginning as a child that remembers even at kindergarten or even preschool.  I can remember vividly standing in a room with other children and presumably some teachers or carers.  I was looking at a pile of clothes on the floor in the middle of the room.  I don't know, if my memories can recall my age at the time.  I don't think so, however, going back that far and trying to think how old I was at the time would give an indication of when all this started.  Likely around the ages of 4 to 6 years old.

Just saw this...

I some ways my experiences as a child were similar and in some ways very different from yours.

About that same age I did crossdress...

My mother who was a WWII DP (displaced person i.e., refuge - BTW after the war my mother told me she had the choice of emigrating to either the US or Australia - and chose the US) .. Anyway my mother bought used cloths and would snd the back to the old country to relatives).. and among them were little girl clothes... which I would wear when I thought no one was around... I just barely remembered it

But many years later as an adult I found out my mother knew about it...


I did Xdress on and off later on until about the 7th or 8th grade in secret and wanted to be a girl.

But with all of that, I did not have (and still don't have) overly feminine behavioral traits , and while I am not and never been macho, I do have what many would consider to be masculine behavioral traits.

- Karen

Hi Everyone

I'm sitting at my computer, looking at the screen, killing time as this morning around 09:30 I will travelling to the next town to have an ultra sound on my bladder, which will provide information to my new GP and Dr Amy my gynaecologist in regards to my problem with going to wee.  I will come back to this trip in a later post.

A fair amount of time has passed since I last posted, well that's wrong its was only 5 days ago, but it still seems such along time when I made a reply to Allie, yet I have a number of replies to be made to others and that needs to be done.

Nothing much has happened in the last 5 days, everything is still up in the air, in what I have been doing, its been strange because the last couple of days have been quite well it seems that way and that is strange.  However, when I sit back and start thinking  bout what happened in the last couple of days it all comes back like a flood.  So how do I tell you what happened?  One starts at the beginning of the last post or near enough of course.

Saint Patricks day has come and gone, I was vaguely aware of it and of course today is the 20th of March, which is the March equinox, for those who are interested in astronomy.  I of course have always been interested, read love, in astronomy and as a matter of interest a good portion of my background wallpapers are of the Messier catalogue and other pictures.

Especially the image taken by the Hubble Space Telescope of the M16, Eagle Nebula and the 3 pillars of creation.  Which appeared on the Times magazine cover in the 1990's.  Later on when I get further along in 'Sarah's Story', I will come back to this topic.

I received two medical forms for tests that needed to be carried out in regards to my weeing problem.  When I spoke to Dr Amy my gynaecologist and I made her aware of my privacy and she said I will give you the paper work for the PSA test and you decide if you want to take the test and if I do decide then I can take it to one of the pathology labs, we have 3 different companies that we can choose from.

She said if they question it, I was to tell them, the doctor ordered it.  In addition to the PSA test, there was an ultra sound scan for my bladder and kidneys, which I learnt today.  I also had an excuse if any discussion came up in regards to the test being performed.

In regards to the PSA which happened on Monday.  I must emphasise that I thought about what I was going to do for at least a week so that I could minimise the consequences of myself from being outed.  So I choose one of the companies that was in another town.  This allowed me to avoid this particular company location in the future.

I took it in and the technician looked at it for the first time, the technician read the paper work she seemed very puzzled.  Possible (more than likely) why was a PSA test written down for a female!!! She seemed puzzled and took a step backwards and then came forwards again.

I said is there anything wrong, she did not reply and then she turned around and more than likely went to consult a colleague.  She returned and we then proceeded to a cubicle where the blood sample was going to be taken from.  I always enjoy watching the procedure, yes I know I'm sick in the head.

It was a very pleasant time.  There was no questions about the PSA test (withdrawal of blood), with me, general chit chat. Confirmation of name and date of birth.  Then it was out the door.  So after 35 years I may have been sprung maybe.  I took steps to keep my privacy as private as much as possible.  I will tell people, if and only if it's absolutely necessary, just like my current doctors Dr Amy and Dr Alice.  In other words I know when to reveal my 'medical condition' to others when I feel comfortable in doing so.

The ultra scan of my bladder and kidneys, which took place Wednesday went something like this  Fasting for 12 hours before the test.  Empty the bladder about 2 hours before and drink 2 litres of water.  So there were no problems in doing the preparation for the scan.  Although the technician asked me to spell my first name and last name which is very unusual, the whole procedure went very well.  Will know the result hopefully in 7 days in time and both doctors will have the information from both tests hopefully.

I know you want to know what's happening with my story about Sarah's Race to SRS.  I'm hopeful to work on it this afternoon.  So please don't worry about it.  I do have thoughts on what to do after that part of the story is finished, meaning plenty to come.  So you know as much as I do at this present day and age and I will let you go on your merry way

Take care and have a nice day and weekend, that is sure to come, see you all again soon.

Hugs and more Hugs
Sarah B

Hi Karen

Thank you for your comment, its good to hear other stories that are similar to ourselves.

Quote from: Karen_A on March 16, 2024, 09:19:08 AMJust saw this...

I some ways my experiences as a child were similar and in some ways very different from yours.

Yes, as everyone has said at some time, our paths are different and that is, mainly the opportunities that exist at the time.

Quote from: Karen_A on March 16, 2024, 09:19:08 AMAbout that same age I did crossdress...

I was able to put some of  my mums clothes on. But that was an unmitigated disaster.  They were too big!  There was no other chances for me, because I knew that if there were any girl clothes around, that I could have worn, I believe, I would have done so without hesitation.

Quote from: Karen_A on March 16, 2024, 09:19:08 AMMy mother who was a WWII DP (displaced person i.e., refuge - BTW after the war my mother told me she had the choice of emigrating to either the US or Australia - and chose the US) .. Anyway my mother bought used cloths and would snd the back to the old country to relatives).. and among them were little girl clothes... which I would wear when I thought no one was around... I just barely remembered it

But many years later as an adult I found out my mother knew about it...

When we sit back and remember these past memories, other memories tend to pop up.  This is exactly what is occurring when I write my story.  So you were sprung badly and at least you were not stopped from doing something that comes naturally and says something about your mum.

Quote from: Karen_A on March 16, 2024, 09:19:08 AMI did Xdress on and off later on until about the 7th or 8th grade in secret and wanted to be a girl.

You were lucky in that sense as, all I could do was, think about; "I wanted to wear girls uniform", while I was still in primary and high school.  Limiting in a sense, I know.  The funny thing is, I never questioned why I wanted to wear the dresses in those instances.

Quote from: Karen_A on March 16, 2024, 09:19:08 AMBut with all of that, I did not have (and still don't have) overly feminine behavioral traits , and while I am not and never been macho, I do have what many would consider to be masculine behavioral traits.

- Karen

I'm also of a similar disposition, that is I'm not a girly girl.  I always liked nice female clothes, not tutu's, nor overtly frilly ones either or sequin clothes ones.  I'm more modest, or tend to be a little prude and that is the way I go.

When I changed my life around at the start.  I already had in my mind how I was going to dress, smart dress for going to functions or barbeques and power dress suits when I worked and nice evening wear not too revealing when I went out to formal functions.  Like the black dress that Kate Winslet wears, when she attends a function in the movie 'Holiday'.  I had a dress just like that and it was one of my favourites.

I did read about being 'macho' to cover one's femininity and I certainly did some of those activities to cover that side of my personality, but the activities were not overtly macho.  These activities I'm sure were around for females when I did them, for example I was evolved in scuba diving and there were young females and older women who participated in that particular activity.

I don't have any male or macho traits, except I'm on the stem side of activities and these days it is no big deal.  In the past it was an area where women would tend not to be seen in.

I consider one of the most important traits, when I changed my life around was; "just be yourself" and that was how I presented myself to others around me, very early on.

All the best.

Hugs
Sarah B

Hi Gina

Thank you for your comment and you are right, it is camp, like when we were kids we went away and spent a couple of days camping.  Whereas this camp you do not have to pay for anything except rates.  Councils still want their penny's worth.

Quote from: Gina P on March 16, 2024, 08:09:44 AMSarah, The camp looks beautiful. I can't imagine how hard it must be to leave there. Don't be so quick to have the prostate removed. My neighbor did that and now must wear a diaper all the time as well as other issues.

Yes it is nice and hopefully working on the property will improve it immensely.  Trust me it's easy to leave the land, you just get in your car and drive away.  No, seriously it would be nice to stay, but at the moment, it has just the basics.  I still would like a few more creature comforts, but that will take time as I once mentioned in one of my posts, small, small steps and eventually you will be able to live there for good.  My other brother lives on the adjacent block and has taken several years to get to the stage of being self sufficient, that means animals as well, I don't know if I will go down that path.

I know there are complications with any surgery, the only serious complication is as you say is incontinence.  The other two complications were taken care of years ago  ;D.  Tests are underway and what ever the results are, I will still more than likely want that part removed from my body.  I will take my time in deciding on what way I will go.

Quote from: Gina P on March 16, 2024, 08:09:44 AMFunny when talking with men they talk about thier accomplishments, what they have bought and done, what thier sports team is doing. Most women talk, more about family and what's going on in thier lives on a more personal level. Ill take the women talk anyday.
Hugs Gina

I'm proud of all my accomplishments that I have achieved in my life.  The point that needs to be made in this regard is, I never brag about what I have done or achieved in my life.  I not into sports, that is 'football' basketball or even cricket.  There is only one sport that I will go out of my way to make time and that is swimming competitions that are presented on television.

Talking, me?  Funny thing is my brother apparently was speaking before I did.  We are one year apart in age.  Well these days I certainly made up for it.  Which, in a sense makes sense, because I will sit back and listen to what is going on and say very little, listen to the gossip, but do not pass it on.  This ties in with my nature and that is, I was a very quite and reserved person before and after I changed my life around.

However, as time passed after surgery I changed and now I'm more talkative and I enjoy those intimate conversations with other women, which I was unable to do in the past.  So yes, I will take women talk any day of the year and what I have achieved in my life, will speak for itself.

Hugs
Sarah B

@Sarah B 
Dear Sarah: 
I enjoyed reading your update here on your Blog thread.

Continue to enjoy working on your property....
      .......and continue looking after your health.

Hugs, Danielle

Hi Everyone

I share with you a haiku. By me.




Love and Hugs
Sarah B

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah:
Beautifully written.... I got misty eyed reading it.
HUGS, Danielle

Quote from: Sarah B on March 22, 2024, 03:21:09 PMHi Everyone

I share with you a haiku. By me.

You stand before me longing.
Love behind your misty eyes, shines brightly.
You stole my heart forever.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B

Wow!  I think that may be the first haiku I have read that seems both poetic and unforced.  Nice!

Hi Everybody

This interlude, is a preamble to Sarah's Passion, which resulted from a reply instigated by O&C in Allie's blog.  When I started to answer as usual, I start to create a wall of text in relation to the post that was posted.  So I decided such a wall of text in regards to Sarah's Passion deserved a post of it's own and in the next post following this post, I will go into more detail about that passion.

I will do very minor edits to ensure clarity only and does not affect the story of Sarah's Passion as I reread it.

So sit back, relax and enjoy.

Best Wishes, Love and Hugs for Everyone
Sarah B

Sarah's Passion

For as long as I can remember, I have loved the water.  The earliest memory took place a long time ago, when I was a young girl.  I remember the occasion very vividly as if it was yesterday.  I was with mum of course and two of my aunts.  I was around the age of 8, the reason being, we were moving to our first home, instead of living with my grandmother, who had a house in
Surbiton, Surrey England.

The year was around 1967, so long ago.  In our travels from Surbtion to Hordle in Hampshire we stopped at a swimming place in Lymington.  I don't know what my mum and her 2 sisters were doing there.  I was left by myself, near the pool.  I was standing in one corner of the pool and I was looking at the other end of the pool's diagonal corner.  In that moment of time I thought; "I wanted to be in the water".

I could not swim at this stage.  Don't ask me where I got that notion from, I will never know.  There is no indication in my family that was involved in 'swimming' in anyway whatsoever.  It was to be at least another two years before I got any chance, to learn how to swim.

During the two years before our family went to Australia, our family with my aunts and their children would walk along a road that led to a beach called 'Hordle Beach'.  So I was not bereft of seeing any water at all and certainly not like that first time seeing water, the beach was composed of pebbles and when the tide went out there was some sand.

Moving to Australia in June 1969, was the best thing that my parents ever did and I have never had the inkling of going back to England.  I will go for holiday to see family members and that would basically be it.  We ended up in a city called Melbourne and eventually we did go to a swimming pool.

I wandered off looking around and of course I saw a big pool probably a 50 yard one.  Silly me, thinking I could jump in near the edge and steps, where one could get out.  Well I did jump in, I struggled and I was so close to the edge.

There were two young guys who were laughing and talking about my struggle.  I eventually grab the side and I got out.  Lucky me.  I have never told anyone of my little escapade, about that incident.  I could have drowned and I would not have been here to this day.  So the importance of learning how to swim cannot be emphasised enough, especially in a place like Australia wear the majority of people live near the sea.

The next encounters with water were as students we were taken to the 'local pool',  and what we did I have no idea.  Maybe a lesson of some sort, the only thing that I can recall is that the water was cold.  When we went back for another swimming lesson with the school, all I can remember that the water was going to be cold and I did not care, I just wanted to get in and swim.

We moved to a town were some relatives were living, where the weather was always hot regardless of the season, we returned to Melbourne and then back to that town.  I need to keep the name of this town private as I made myself widely know because of my exploits in swimming. 

This town is were I would often spend days playing and swimming all day at the local pool with my brothers, not the youngest, it only cost 20 cents to get in and we would find and retrieve money from the drains with a stick and pull out money which we would spend on a pie or sausage roll.  I guess I could sort of 'swim' at this stage.

One of the first lessons I ever had was how to breathe to the side by one of the pool operators, she was the mother of my future coach who taught me for over 10 years.  Yeah go figure, the coincident of that happening.

I was at this particular swimming pool, which by the was on a cliff top over looking the picturesque sea and it was a swimming carnival, I was entered into a few races and I was approached by someone I can't remember who, and they asked would I swim a lap of butterfly.

So that maybe I would gain some extra points and win the carnival, me butterfly, never swam butterfly at that point in my life.  So what do I do?  Yep, you guessed it, I swam a lap of butterfly and low and behold I made it.  Long story short on this, it became one of my favourite strokes.

Forward a couple of years, I was in boarding school for two years and I did do some training and I did enter a couple of events.  I just wanted to swim.  What stands out at this particular moment in time.  I was watching a race and noticed what the swimmers did when they reached the end of the swimming pool.

You either bang your head on the wall or you do a somersault.  That's nifty, so when I was racing.  I decided to do the same, well you should have seen me, I was disoriented, water going up my noses, gasping for breath and trying to go on my merry way, a complete stuff up,  yet so funny.  I remember that tumble turn so vividly to this day.  I did finish the race.  This period of swimming lasted between 1975 and 1976

Approximately around 1979 to the end of 1988.  I started the serious part of my swimming training under my coach who was an accredited level 3 swimming coach and over the next 10 years, our swimming team would travel all around competing in at least 8 different locations.  My big mouth got me into this crazy part of my life.  It all started in the office, where I worked and the guys in the office were talking about going to the pool and doing a few laps.

Trying to big note myself I said the same thing.  So to be honest with myself, I started doing just that.  I started out just doing 10 laps of the pool.  I was living by myself at that time and the pool I was going to spend the next 10 years of my life was basically, roll out of bed, into the car and travel 200m about (200yrd).  Then into the pool for a couple of laps.  The pool was literally next door to where I lived at the time.

After awhile I noticed the squad that was training and learnt the lingo and started copying what they did and eventually I then joined in the lanes they were swimming in.

Eventually I moved back home after mum came back from Canberra with my youngest brother, after a short partnership with a man that did not work out.  Its funny, I never worried about my mum finding a partner and accepted with out any conditions being placed on her.

She had a life to live as well, so how did I learn the value of acceptance.  There was my father and grandfather, who accepted me after I was born and later on, when my mum accepted me unconditionally with all her heart and love.  I suppose our acceptance of others was learned from others or around us or we born with it, meaning it was innate inside us.

My heart will go on, forever with love for them.  Sorry, I digress, I will have to stop doing it, why tears are streaming down my face and I'm listening to?  Yes you guessed it, My heart will go on.[1]  No I did not plan it, I was listening to a collection of cello music from celllist Stjepan Hauser from 2cellos fame when the Celine Dion music came on during the last three paragraphs.  So I played it three times, yeah I know, I'm crazy anyway back to Sarah's Passion.

I was then travelling over 10km to a swimming pool, then approximately 20km to work, so a total of 60km a day 300km a week so roughly 15,000km a year, 150,000km in 10 years approximately now I would say that's dedication, what do you say?  Yeah you really wanted to know that.

During that time I meet many famous swimmers of the time, Lisa Curry Kenny, Michelle Ford, Michael Klim, Tracey Wickham and the most famous of all Olympic Swimmers Dawn Fraser and I swam with her in a race (different age groups).  I remember watching her coming in to finish her race and I still remember seeing her swimming style or stroke and it was still beautiful.

Lets wrap this up shall we?  I actually question the actual year when the Royal Life Saving Society (RLSS) held a National Championships, where I earned the gold and bronze medals that I mentioned in the other thread.  I dragged out my collection of medals and when I located the gold and bronze medal from the RLSS National Championships.  I noticed that I had another bronze medal,  Whoa was Sarah a good life saving swimmer or what?

The two years in question are 1987 and 1988, yes those two years where Sarah ventured out in the world for the first couple of times and of course I was competing at the RLSS National Championship, two years in the row.  It must have been 1987 that I won the gold and bronze and not 1988, So I believe and I won the other bronze medal in 1988 probably the same event that I won the gold in the previous year.

The event that I won the gold medal and the bronze medal the following year is an event where a scenario is set up were there are victims in various stages of distress in the water and you have to save them in a given amount time.  The gold medal event that I won, went like this:

In my scenario there were 3 victims. Time starts. Coming out of a sequestered area. Told bystander to go and get help.  One victim was half a pool width away, threw a kick board and it curved in the air like a boomerang and hit the victim on the chin, I said out loud grab the "kick board and kick to the side", I believe this is what got me the gold medal.

Grabbed a bucket jumped in and gave another victim the bucket and told them to swim to the side of the pool, they said, their baby was missing.  I jumped into the pool because there was an upturned canoe and I saw a 'baby doll', representing a drowning baby on the bottom of the pool.  I also kept an eye on the swimmer who was kicking there way with the kickboard and encouraging them to continue on.

Dived down retrieved the 'baby doll' came up to the surface and started resuscitation while swimming to the edge of the pool, put the doll on the edge and continued with resuscitation.  Time up.  The allocated amount of time was about 1min and 45 seconds.

So recap one gold medal in the life saving event in 1987 and the bronze medal for overall championship in the same year.  The other bronze for the same life saving event in 1988.

My swimming career petered out after 1990, every so often I would get in the pool and churn up the laps and I'm remiss for not carrying on with one of my passions in my life.  Surgery, going to universities to earn my degrees living with my boyfriend, teaching in the country side, finally returning home to Brisbane, got in the way.  I did not think about swimming as much, life just got in the way.

Then looking after mum and even though I was a lifeguard and swimming teacher.  I never got back into swimming per se.  Now that I have the time, I'm getting back into it, very similar to another famous swimmer called Shane Gould, after she became famous, she disappeared to live her life as a married mother and wife and then eventually found her way back into swimming.

So go after your dream, don't give it up. Just like me, I'm still trying to find out where that black line goes.

Best Wishes, Love and Hugs to Everyone
Sarah B
[1]  My Heart Will Go On (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p79GmLNLMrY) by Celine Dion
Offical Greeter

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah:
I am thrilled that you are planning to be including more "chapters" of your Sarah's Passion here
on  your present Blog thread.

There is no doubt that I will be eagerly looking for and reading your continuing story.

Thank you for sharing some more of your life endeavors with me and the rest of you avid
followers here on the Forum.

HUGS, Danielle

Hi  Davina

I hope this short message finds you well.  A couple of times I have said to myself I need to reply to a message that you posted on my blog, you asked me a question and I did not follow up on it and for that I' very sorry for not doing so, the post that you asked a question is;

Quote from: davina61 on March 15, 2024, 11:42:44 AMI had my GP look as I had an infection after having treatment by my surgeon on a patch, I asked her how it looked and she said she would not had know it was not natural.

I'm afraid that I did not actually or specifically ask the question; "does it look natural" from her perspective.  Given that it was anatomically correct and inside was healthy, I guess it would have looked natural and it would not have cervix, which would indicate that one had a hysterectomy.

Since it was over 33 years ago that it was examined by my surgeon.  I know that the operation has exceeded my wildest expectations had I known all the intimates details of the operation at the time.  I never new anything about the operation.  It was a case of please give me the operation and hey presto the operation was carried out.  I will be forever internally grateful to my surgeon for giving me the peace and contentment that I have had for over half of my life.

Quote from: davina61 on March 15, 2024, 11:42:44 AMProstrate is a risk we all have if that is what you mean?

Yes, that is exactly correct and will remain a risk for all of us, either from cancer, the reason for the PSA test.  My levels were virtually zero.  So no indication of cancer for me.  The other reason it is a risk is BPH, which I have and it constricts the urethra tube hence the flow is restricted.  The two solutions are medicine or surgery.

Which I have indicated I want that vestige of that organ removed, but I will tread cautiously in this area.  In other words I will wait and see what my options are.

Once again I'm sorry I did not get back  to you sooner. 

Anybody who does read my blog I will endeavour to answer any and all of your questions.  Passing on my knowledge is what I like doing.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@davina61
PS  Sorry Gina I used the wrong name in my posting.

Thats okay dear, best wishes for any outcome XXX

Hi  Everyone

This is a very short post, so.  I have just remembered a particular memory.  When I was very young around 8 to 10 years old.  We had moved to a place called Hordle in England, which was near the sea.

However this move made us far removed from our relatives.  One time it was decided to go and visit some of our relatives, so we went by car.

During the trip I was sitting in the back seat of the car and I was thinking about the chances of meeting or associating with other girls and hopefully wear their clothes.  However, I then realized that among our relatives, they had no children that were girls.

I felt resigned to not being able to play with other girls.  The pain resonates to this day.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

I have no sisters, so I feel you on this.

Hi Everyone

Another short post.  This is another memory which I have just recalled and reflected upon which when we think about "issues", long and hard  that are presented here at Susan's or elsewhere.  We can remember things from our past.

I just mentioned to anonymous24 in the introductions forum that when you think long and hard you remember things that seem of no consequence at the time, but do so in the present. 

So let me share this memory with you.

There was another guy that I spent a good portion of my time with.  In this case, we would go camping over night sometimes and in the morning we would practice shooting at targets hanging on fishing lines and after awhile when we got tired of doing this one us would start shooting for the fishing line.  Hilarity ensued of course, trying to out do each other and then we would go off hunting feral animals.

Another time we go to the swamps or tidal areas where there was lots of mud, crocodiles and wild pigs which was classified as feral, hence allowed to be shot, not the crocodiles as they were protected after being slaughtered for many years.

We also spent a lot of time talking, eating dinner together, watching the news and the Muppets, that kept us in stitches.

One morning we spent the time outside in a garden, while it was pouring buckets.  So we started splashing each other and then it progress to cups of water, then buckets of water being scooped up and chucked at each other and finally the water fight end up in the street and then we were using trash cans to collect the water that was rushing down the kerbsides.

So why am I telling you the background on what we did together?  I always felt comfortable in his presence and I liked him, hindsight is 20/20.  I see that now, this indicated that I liked men without knowing about it at the time.

Which brings me to this point about my personnel life.  I like to get to know the men I date before, I get into a full time relationship with them.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

Hi Lori

Thank you for your reply, you mentioned

Quote from: LoriDee on April 06, 2024, 02:41:57 PMI have no sisters, so I feel you on this.

I appreciate the thought.  I did have 3 brothers but the youngest died recently, I was close, but not that close to them growing up, I wonder why?  We were happy playing together and we looked out for each other, well I did as I was the oldest.

The closest I was with any of them was the youngest.

I love them dearly and I know they love me in their own way.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@LoriDee

I'm sorry for your loss.
My youngest brother died when I was about 13. It was 30 days before his 8th birthday.
I was the oldest too, so was closer to my next oldest brother. The two youngest ones were closest, maybe because they were closer in age?

Maybe you were closer to the youngest because of some maternal instinct you weren't yet aware of. It is still hard losing a sibling.

Hi Everyone

Talking about libido, it has been mentioned in various posts and sometimes I felt I needed to mention it.  However I never noticed that side of things while I was taking my hormones and I did not have much time on my hands as I was always so busy at work, cooking, going out, beauty treatments, doctors appointments, meeting friends for dinner, weekend trips away with friends and of course shopping.

I know that the level of testosterone has an affect on ones libido.  In my case and even still to this day my levels of testosterone are virtually zero and this is the way I like it.

So I never noticed what was going on with my body at the time and as you know from my previous stories, you know I was never active until one year after my surgery.

So, that first one was memorable, as I have mentioned I think at least once before, if not then you are going to be lucky.  I needed no libido.  At that time I did not know what my body was doing and to top it off.  I knew what I wanted, I was a virgin at the time!

Did I need libido No.

I just did what came natural to me, I was starved.
;D  :embarrassed:  :icon_redface:  :icon_redface:

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
PS  I apologize for being a little bit risqué

Quote from: Sarah B on April 06, 2024, 07:30:22 PMHi Lori

Thank you for your reply, you mentioned

I appreciate the thought.  I did have 3 brothers but the youngest died recently, I was close, but not that close to them growing up, I wonder why?  We were happy playing together and we looked out for each other, well I did as I was the oldest.

The closest I was with any of them was the youngest.

I love them dearly and I know they love me in their own way.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@LoriDee

Oh my gosh, so sorry for your loss Sarah. Hope you're hanging in there.

Love,
Allie

Hi Allie and Everyone Else

Thank you for your kind words, Allie.  Something I did not realize, its been almost a year since he passed away.

I'm hanging in really.  The one that gets me the most is my mum's passing, which come this June will be two years.

I looked after her for about 11 years, not so much at first, but the last couple more so, her mind was good, but not her body.  She was 83 years old, so a good innings.

One of the reasons for me moving was, where we lived, it was on a peninsula surrounded by the sea. So certain spots while driving around the peninsula, like the fish and chip shops, MacDonald's coffee, the local hospital and the spot where we would park and watch the sea, drinking the coffee.  I would be reminded of mum in the car with me.

So actually, writing this gives me an idea to write a post about her later in one of my blogs.

I have been up since 03:00 hours and it's almost 20:00 hours and I need to have some sleep. So I will paraphrase from the Truman Show, "good morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night".

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@imallie

Hi Everyone

Just a short note, its only contain a summary results of medical tests that I have had over the last couple of months.

I have had several ultra scans on my kidneys during the last year and the results have come back indicating they are in good health.  Results from breast scan I had finally made their way to me eventually and I have been told they are healthy, the results got way laid, from the different postal addresses, but I finally got them.  When I had scans done on my kidneys I also had a scan on my bladder and there is nothing wrong with it either.

I still have a problem with weeing.  When I last visited my current GP this particular issue was not discussed, because if I remember Dr Alice was waiting on results from scans on my kidneys and bladder.  I have made a future appointment, which will be a Telehealth Phone call in a couple of weeks, yes that's right, times are changing.  I prefer face to face, but distance and time precludes from having the face to face talk.

The last time I saw her, I did not get to cover all the current issues with my health, that I was having checked out.  One of the issues was having a very painful 'right hip', for the want of a better description. Which precludes me from standing still for any length of time.  Hospital doctors and previous doctors could not explain exactly what was going on there, even though I have had several xrays and scans in that area and I have had chiropractic and physiotherapy treatment to no avail

I believe at the moment it is a tear and Dr Alice ordered a couple more tests, xray and ultra sound, the technician that did the ultra sound did extensive scanning of the bones, and very little time was spent on the area where it is painful.  Go figure.

So, other than a low borderline value for vitamin D, I'm in good health.  Life goes on regardless, what one does.  Take care and I will see you all soon.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah:
Aside from a couple of remaining issues that you mentioned, the testing
reveled that you are in good health otherwise.

Continue following up with your doctor and if things get worse, even in
the slightest, get in to see your doctor again. 

Please keep me and the rest of you avid followers updated as you feel
comfortable sharing.

Many HUGS, Danielle
                              (https://i.imgur.com/edS1Dkpt.png)

Quote from: Sarah B on April 15, 2024, 09:35:11 PMI still have a problem with weeing.  When I last visited my current GP this particular issue was not discussed, because if I remember Dr Alice was waiting on results from scans on my kidneys and bladder.  I have made a future appointment, which will be a Telehealth Phone call in a couple of weeks, yes that's right, times are changing.  I prefer face to face, but distance and time precludes from having the face to face talk.

I'm not a fan of changing times and I much prefer face to face too.  I hope you don't have much to talk about with your telehealth call.  We're looking to hear more good news.

Quote from: Sarah B on April 15, 2024, 09:35:11 PMI believe at the moment it is a tear and Dr Alice ordered a couple more tests, xray and ultra sound, the technician that did the ultra sound did extensive scanning of the bones, and very little time was spent on the area where it is painful.  Go figure.

Seems odd, one does hope they know what they're doing.


Glad  you're in overall good health.

Warm Regrds,
Paulie.

Hi Paulie

Welcome to my Story!  You mentioned in your post

Quote from: Paulie on April 16, 2024, 01:18:24 AMI'm not a fan of changing times and I much prefer face to face too.  I hope you don't have much to talk about with your telehealth call.  We're looking to hear more good news.

Seems odd, one does hope they know what they're doing.

No, there will not be much too talk about as there will be only two issues, the 'hip' problem and of course the weeing problem.  The first will take time to heal and the second problem there are only three options, do nothing for the time being, take tablets to relieve the symptoms and the final option is surgery.

I do not like taking tablets unless its absolutely necessary and these tablets would 'out' me as they are only for males and I do not want that, so I will put up with weeing problem.  Which leaves surgery and this is what I want without hesitation.  I had already decided this outcome after finding out that I had BPH.  However this surgery is not lightly entered as the main concern is incontinence.  The other two concerns were taken care of long time ago, when I had surgery!  So I will wait and see which way the wind blows.

So long story short I will know a little bit more about what I'm going to do in the future.  Old age is creeping up and its only recently that I have been more cognizant of that fact and I don't like it one bit.  "Such is life".

Quote from: Paulie on April 16, 2024, 01:18:24 AMGlad  you're in overall good health.

Warm Regrds,
Paulie.

Thank you for your kind words and I hope you are well also and things are going well with you.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Paulie

Glad to hear you are healthy. I'm sorry there are other issues, but as you said getting old sucks. I know what you mean about "being more cognizant" of the fact. I turn 67 this year. If the Presidential election doesn't go our way, I will be over 70 before any surgeries become available to me... surgeries that I asked for three years ago. In the Army, we had a phrase: Embrace the suck. Keep moving forward.

The cure for low vitamin D is to get back out to the bush and soak up some sun!  ;D

I actually prefer video conferencing with my medical professionals when what we will discuss is entirely routine.  I see my endo twice a year.  I am cool with one of those being online (as it was in Covid) to discuss the fact that:

"The numbers look great.  Keep doing what you are doing." 

If the numbers ever don't look great, I'd rather come in.  And, I'd like a face to face once a year regardless.

Part of that is due to the fact that if I go in to the office for a visit, I always sit around for an hour before I see the doctor.  With tele-health, I can sit at my own desk and be productive until the doctor is ready, plus I don't lose the commute time, or burn those extra fossil ounces of fuels coming and going.

Hi Lori

I hope this reply finds you in good health, like me! So yes, I am in good health, all things considered.  You mention in you post;

Quote from: LoriDee on April 16, 2024, 10:13:46 AMGlad to hear you are healthy. I'm sorry there are other issues, but as you said getting old sucks. I know what you mean about "being more cognizant" of the fact. I turn 67 this year. . . . .

I said in my post there were only two issues in regards to my health, the 'hip' problem, which stops me from being more active, except swimming of course and the other was my weeing problem, there were no other issues in regards to my current health.  In the future other tests will be carried out on me like rats in the lab and will see if there are any other problems.  I don't think so, I hope.

Quote from: LoriDee on April 16, 2024, 10:13:46 AM. . . . . If the Presidential election doesn't go our way, I will be over 70 before any surgeries become available to me... surgeries that I asked for three years ago. In the Army, we had a phrase: Embrace the suck. Keep moving forward.

I have to provide a disclaimer here.  I have been following American politics for the last 20 odd years and I tend to be conservative in my views both here in Australia as well in America.  I don't know why I got interested in American politics.  I think I do, but that is for another time and place.

So, to put it bluntly, I'm a Trump follower.  Yes, I know the policy of 'republicans' in regards to 'transgender' issues are wrong. 

On the other hand the Democrats, want to take your guns away which I totally disagree with and keep 'transgendered' rights which I agree with.

In my opinion and my opinion only, Trump should be the next president of the United States of America.  I will now say for the time being and place, repeating what 'Forest Gump' said; "that's all I have got to say about that"

I know it sucks that the cost of surgery is prohibitive and I can feel the pain and anguish, that you and others that contemplate in having surgery, suffer from, when you cannot get that surgery.  So as you so eloquently say "Embrace the suck. Keep moving forward.".

So come up with alternative plans that no matter what, one plan will succeed at least in getting what your heart desires.

Quote from: LoriDee on April 16, 2024, 10:13:46 AMThe cure for low vitamin D is to get back out to the bush and soak up some sun!  ;D

Yeah, I'm in the bush so to speak and I have been getting a lot more sun these days.  I have to be careful as I'm a 'Redhead' and I have freckles all over my body.  If I go out in the sun for more than half an hour I will get sunburnt.  I'm also taking a multi vitamin tablet which should also take care of that vitamin D level.

Take care, look after yourself and I wish all your dreams come true.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@LoriDee

Hi Rachel

It's nice to see you again,

Quote from: REM.1126 on April 16, 2024, 11:41:43 AMI actually prefer video conferencing with my medical professionals when what we will discuss is entirely routine.  I see my endo twice a year.  I am cool with one of those being online (as it was in Covid) to discuss the fact that:

"The numbers look great.  Keep doing what you are doing." 

I have no problem using the telephone and video for conference calls.  I was a teacher in the rural area of NSW, where the student numbers where very small and one particular maths class, year 11 and 12, I took.  This is what we used.

Quote from: REM.1126 on April 16, 2024, 11:41:43 AMIf the numbers ever don't look great, I'd rather come in.  And, I'd like a face to face once a year regardless.

I'm with you on this, sometimes you need the face to face.

Quote from: REM.1126 on April 16, 2024, 11:41:43 AMPart of that is due to the fact that if I go in to the office for a visit, I always sit around for an hour before I see the doctor.  With tele-health, I can sit at my own desk and be productive until the doctor is ready, plus I don't lose the commute time, or burn those extra fossil ounces of fuels coming and going.

Here in the outback travelling 400km (250mi) for 15 minutes standard appointment, this usually takes up about 6 hours and another day is wasted, when you could be doing something more constructive.  When I do, do these trips I catch up with friends and various activities as well. so as not to waste the day.

I hope things are going well and have a nice day.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

Trump supporter? Ewww. Just kidding. I was too during his previous run.

I tend to side with whoever is going to help me in whatever I am trying to do. I have always been a Constitutional Conservative. I support the Constitution as it was written and the Supreme Court's interpretation of what the Founding Fathers intended when they wrote it. No one can take my guns, and I have openly challenged anyone to try. I have about a dozen Supreme Court rulings to support my position. No one has taken me up on my challenge in over 30 years.

In the military, I was a Republican because they are typically pro-military. When we experienced funding cuts (limiting my pay raises), it was always a Democrat in office. After leaving the service I worked as an Electronics Technician and was a member of the IBEW (Electricians Union). I switched to Democrat because they support things that our union supports: better pay, working conditions, etc.
Then the Illinois Governor screwed over our Union President. You might remember Rod Blagojevich. He, like many before him, was corrupt to the core and went to prison for it. I switched back to Republican, which kind of explains why I am now in South Dakota.

I supported Trump because he is a great businessman and I felt that he is what we needed to straighten out our problems in the economy. He is a great negotiator. If you haven't read his book, "The Art of the Deal" check it out. He is very good at negotiating, which we witnessed in his foreign policies. I became fed up with the Republicans, not because of him, but due to the antics of local and state politicians. More corruption.

But right now, in my life, the most important thing for me is my transition. Trump has openly stated that he will put a stop to transitioning at any age. It would be illegal for him to try. But I cannot support an elected official who refuses to represent ALL of the people. Since my priority is on my ability to transition and not become a political target, I must throw my support in the other direction.

I totally understand your position. In many ways, I agree with you. You are still my sister and I still love you. We can agree to disagree.

I thought Forrest Gump said something about chocolates.  ;D 

Hi Lori

Thank you for your enlightening reply, however in response EEWWW Demoncrap!  Just kidding, not.  You have no argument with me on your rights to bear arms, sister!

I know that both parties, if there are two parties (read uniparty) are as bad as one and another.  In regards to Rod Blagojevich, I'm afraid I have not heard of him.  I tend to keep abreast of the corruption that is in American politics or as you may of heard or come across "the Deep State" and few well known politicians.

Trump, yes is a great businessman and you are right he is the one that sorted out the economy when he was president and I was going to say in my previous post he is not perfect.  However, under Biden (read puppet and he has dementia, even blind Freddy can see that), they are deliberately ruining the country and the powers be (read elite) do not want Trump back in power.

I have not read his book, "The Art of the Deal", in a sense I should do so.  You are correct there is deep seated corruption on both sides.  As I have said the politics in regards to 'transgendered' issues is totally wrong, no matter who's side you are on.

The article that Jessica Rose posted in regards to  Trans military group sues Veterans Affairs to pay for gender-affirming surgeries (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247874.0.html) is the way to go, you basically sue the government department (which is hard) and the individual (more often than not they are not medical doctors) for causing you 'harm'. 

This is what is needed in the case of the CASS report by Dr Hilary.  It's a 'review' not based on any solid scientific method, so people should sue the individuals responsible for causing any harm to those individuals involved.

I will never ever support anybody that interferes with human beings in achieving what they want in life, unless it interferes with my 'pursuit of happiness'.  I will also do what I can to stop those persons, no matter where they come from.

Your "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness" in your constitution should apply to everyone, everywhere.

Yes Forrest Gump also said; "My mama always said, 'Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get'".  (my emphasis).

I agree with you on, "we can agree to disagree", not there is anything much to disagree with in these couple of posts.

Take care of yourself and 'You go girl', my 'Tag Team' Sister!

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@LoriDee

Hi Everyone

Those of you who have been following my postings and Sarah's Story, you will have come across the following or something similar "I'm extremely private person, quite and shy," and I will go out of my way if I can to keep my privacy in regards to my 'medical condition", private.

This is just one way on how I deal with my privacy, the following message is the result of a link sent to me via my phone (cell).  The web page message below is, virtually verbatim;

QuoteHi Sarah, our hospital has you listed for a procedure as requested by your GP in the near future. An essential part of preparing you involves completing this short health questionnaire. We need this to progress your booking, also it may help avoid a lengthy appointment at the hospital.

To get started, ensure you are somewhere you can take the 5 minutes to completes the questionnaire.  Completing the questionnaire may prevent us needing to call you and conduct a more lengthy assessment over the phone.  Please call us should you have any questions, otherwise we look forward to receiving your assessment.

So I click on the link,  I have modified the following statement to remove identifying information and I get the following;

QuotePrivacy statement regarding your personal information.

Personal information provided by you is protected in accordance with the "Information Privacy Acts" in the State of Queensland, (where I live).  Your personal information will be used by authorised officers of the department of health in providing appropriate care to you.  Information you provide to access the Office 365 service, including your personal information, will be transferred to cloud based servers in the USA and tools within the Microsoft Office before being printed and placed in your health record.

Please select one of the following to agree to the privacy statement:

• Yes
• No

I wonder what I choose?  That's right after 35 years, my privacy is still paramount so I selected NO.  Why? Stored in cloud base servers, stored in the USA and stored using a Microsoft product.  No way am I going to have personal information stored in the computer system, when it will end up in my personal file anyway.  I sceptical of computer system security, because recent events in Australia like the Medicare,  Optus breaches and where I used to work was hacked.

I received a phone call and provided answers to the questions they asked and I reiterated the information provided, is not to be stored in the computer system.

I keep my privacy private, in other words I do not tell any government department about my 'medical condition' and that includes 'doctors' or any organization as well, except for the few doctors that I have revealed my condition to recently, I emphasize that it is not to be recorded in their computer systems as far as possible.  This ensures I have no hassles whatsoever.

Lets take a step back in time, to when, I changed my life around and the story goes like this, which if you have been following Sarah's Story or posts you would have read about the following;

I legally changed my name over 35 years ago and all forms ever since then.  I have always used my legal name and I have never put down my previous name if it was asked on those forms.  Regardless of any consequences or not.  To give you an indication of what I will do and how strongly I feel in protecting myself, here is a little story.

Approximately three months after changing my name and other certain documents.  I attended my first visit to my psychiatrist and my health care card still had my previous name on it (it took some time for new cards to be issued).  I handed it over and my name was recorded on a patient card and I asked that it not be done.  The receptionist replied it was only temporary until I got my new health care card.  I did not contest it and I understood the reason for it being put down, yes my appointment was in my legal name.

Anyway the receptionist went away and my patient card was still on the desk, I was still thinking how can I get rid of my previous name on it.  I picked the card up and noticed my name was written in pencil, I saw a rubber on the desk and proceeded to erase my previous name very thoroughly.  I then replaced the card back on the desk.  A little while later I went into my consultation and as they say the rest is history.

and another

How did I get around my previous job without any references?  My first job, I was hired as a contractor and I informed the personal consultant about myself and my references. I did not reveal my previous name.  This all occurred on a landline phone and I have realised that is one of the few times in my personal history that I have outed myself.

He found work for me, never saw me and did not know my previous name, and he said not to worry about those references.  After that first job I had my new references and other previous references. I just listed 'available on request'.  Anyway that was a life time ago and I'm now in a completely different profession.

The reason why I have never had any problems per se was because I changed my name and documents as quickly as I could. I did not really have a paper trail prior to changing my name legally, so this helped me immensely.

So when the proverbial question; "previous name?" or "have you been known by a previous name?" arises, I will leave the space empty, tick no, or I do not fill in that question.  This is what I will do.  I consider that if I can get away with it after weighing up the various issues and ramifications involved that I had a previous name,  I will do so.  In fact I have never filled or answered that particular question.  The only two exceptions are obtaining my British passport and my Australian Citizenship Certificate.

These days, its a non issue because the sands of time have forever buried or destroyed, virtually all of the paperwork that ever existed and my previous persona does not exist anymore and this includes the internet as well.

Take care and have a wonderful weekend that is coming your way

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

I am like you in that I disapprove of anything being stored "in the Cloud" or any Microsoft documents. The same goes for Google Docs. Although my presence on the internet (my profile here, social media, and even my personal website) clearly states that I am transgender, I do not allow Google or other search engines permission to index those profiles.

Less than a year after my legal name change, I applied for this apartment. They do background checks (outstanding warrants, sex offender registry, and credit reports). Since my name change was fairly "new" in these systems, I also presented a certified copy of the name change order to clarify any discrepancies in case some system had my old name tied to my social security number.

Now it has been almost two years since the name change, I do not allow any references to the old name and just state "That is not me".  I am still fighting with the VA to remove any references to my dead name in my records, but that battle is ongoing. I suspect that the reason someone else's data is showing in my records is due to them coincidently sharing that name. For some unknown reason, they are unwilling or unable to just go in and delete the old references. But once that happens, like you, it will be a clean slate going forward.

What goes on in our private lives is no one's business, especially the government.

LoriDee,

One wonders what name is stored in the military records center in Saint Louis for transgender military personnel.  Probably simply depends on what names were used when orders, medals, discharge, etc. were issued.

As I understand it, if a change has been requested the records would be amended. The VA is working with the Personnel Records Center to digitize all of the records. Once they become electronic, the records will be easy to change.

Hi Everyone

Today is the 25 of April (25/04/2024) and here in Australia, is a national public holiday, where everything is basically shut down, except the few places, usually gas stations that are open.  Is ANZAC (Australian and New Zealand Army Corps) day).

Anzac Day is a national day of remembrance in Australia and New Zealand that broadly commemorates all Australians and New Zealanders "who served and died in all wars, conflicts, and peacekeeping operations" and "the contribution and suffering of all those who have served" [1]

I have watched many ANZAC parades that take place along George Street, when I lived in Sydney.  Over the years the parade has got bigger and more elaborate.

There are three things, that make the ANZAC notable are:

One the commemoration ceremonies that take place around the country, even the smallest town does not let this day go by.

Two the famous ANZAC biscuit:

QuoteThe Anzac biscuit is a sweet biscuit, popular in Australia and New Zealand, made using rolled oats, flour, sugar, butter (or margarine), golden syrup, baking soda, boiling water, and (optionally) desiccated coconut.  Anzac biscuits have long been associated with the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps (ANZAC) established in World War I.

It is thought that these biscuits were sent by wives and women's groups to soldiers abroad because the ingredients do not spoil easily and the biscuits kept well during naval transportation.[2]

Finally the third is a game called Two Up:

QuoteTwo-up is a traditional Australian gambling game, involving a designated "spinner" throwing two coins, usually Australian pennies, into the air. Players bet on whether the coins will both fall with heads (obverse) up, both with tails (reverse) up, or with a head and one a tail (known as "Ewan"). The game is traditionally played in pubs and clubs throughout Australia on Anzac Day, in part to mark a shared experience with diggers (soldiers).[3]

So ANZAC is the one day where all Australians, stop and reflect, pay their respects to the men, women that have died and served in the armed forces.

I thank them from the bottom of my heart for their service.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
[1] Wikipedia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anzac_Day)
[2] ANZAC biscuit (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anzac_biscuit)
[3] Two Up (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two-up)

Sounds like a really special day, Sarah.

I read about it a bit.  The Ode of Remembrance is quite lovely:

"They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old: Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. We will remember them."

Hi Allie

Yes, you are right its a special day, although that was not always the case.  The Vietnam veterans were reviled, when they came back and that was the case for a long time.

When the service is commemorated around the country the basic itinerary will contain the following at least.

• Ode of Remembrance
• The Last Post
• Silence 1 minute

Two other things that I did not mention when talking about ANZAC, was that the game Twp Up is the only game that can be played around the country without a gambling license and only on ANZAC day.

The other thing is, this is what an ANZAC biscuit looks like:

(https://i.imgur.com/i93B6uN.jpeg)

One final comment on ANZAC day.  I was designated driver, for some family members and I was at a local pub (a place I rarely go to, I don't drink) and I watched the ANZAC ceremony on TV.  When the last Post was playing, everyone in the pub went deadly silent. That surprised even me.

Take care and I will catch you very soon.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah B:
Reminding you that you have not updated your Blog thread for
just short of 2 WEEKS !!!!

Along with the rest of your readers and avid followers, I am
starving for an update posting from you on your thread....

I trust that all is OK in your "world" 
Many HUGS,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Hi Everyone

Somebody without mentioning any names has reminded me that I have been very remiss in not posting about what is happening in my life.  Given me a prod, a kick up the backside or some other similar euphemism.  So to speak.

It's very easy to let things slide and even forget to say hello to others in their blogs.  Life just goes on and that has not changed one iota in my life.  I have mentioned in my posts and blogs some of my thoughts, feelings and certain day to day activities surrounding my life.

Where does this all lead to at this moment in time?  No where, somewhere, I don't know.  There are some posts I could post and others I don't, in other words it's best to let sleeping dogs lie, because in the long run it will not make any difference if you do or you don't.

In a couple of my posts I have mentioned the unconditional love my mum had for me, in fact it was just not me, but also included my three brothers as well.  I also mentioned in those posts how my mum first caught up with me after I changed my life around, she was not the first, in fact, it was one of her sisters or my aunt as far as I can remember it was not awkward at all, it was just another, lets get together for a coffee.

I wrote the following in another post and I will include it here, as one of my personal stories that I will share with you.  The original thread and post was called:

How supportive were your parents when you transitioned? (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,246909.msg2259836.html#msg2259836)

Quote from: Sarah B on January 06, 2024, 04:42:39 AM. . . . .
Since I was far removed from my family 4,000km away, it was not until a couple of years after I had surgery, that I caught up with my mum and family, my father died when I was 15 years old.  So there was no support there.  I had a very supportive mum, and my mum would write to me and the card, birthday card, Christmas card or letter would often start of with "My dearest daughter" or "My darling daughter", why? My mum loved her children and a long time ago she said to me, if I had a daughter I would name her Sarah.  No, my real name is not Sarah, although I seriously did consider taking it as my first name and yes I do like the name Sarah very much.

If my memory serves me well, I first caught up with my mum in 1993, which was two years after I had my surgery or nearly five years since I last saw her.  I was doing contract work for a government department in Bundaberg, drawing bridges and designing roads.  I was staying at a local hotel and my mum was on her way to see her sister in Brisbane.

After meeting her at the bus terminal (coach), she put her arms around me and said, "I missed you so much", later in the same hotel room my mum said, "I thought you was going to look like a drag queen, but obviously not".  I cannot remember the exact words in regard to this.  That was so funny to hear that.  However, I believe, I put my mums perception of what her one and only daughter looked like to rest and in doing so made her proud of me.

One of the reasons why I left Susan's was, I returned to help my mum, who had several medical problems, long story short it was decided that I would be with her and she would not die alone.  One of the few things she said before she passed away and I can vividly see and hear her as she walked away from the dining table was, "you do not know, how much I love you", it was a nice thing to say at the time.  My mum passed away nearly a year and half ago two years ago, but writing down what she said to me brings uncontrollable tears to me, every time I read this passage. . . . .

So why am I sharing this?  Well I found one of those cards, there are others but not as poignant, that she sent me and I have been thinking about whether I would post what was written in that card.

The following is the front of the card that she sent me and what she refers to when she wrote on the inside of the card.
.
.
The follow are the words she wrote to me on the inside of that card.

QuoteMy Dearest Daughter Sarah

I saw this card and straight away thought of you.  I miss you so much and I always look forward to seeing you.  I do hope you get a chance to move closer and somehow, I can come and visit and that is not so isolated.

All I ever wanted for my children to be happy, healthy and to always know where they are.  So take care my daughter Sarah of yourself.

Love you heaps
Mum & Tia

Tia was my mum's cat and which I now care for.  So yeah, my life was blessed, in more ways than I can ever count.  I miss you my Dearest Mum.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
PS  I promise you I will work on "Sarah's Race to SRS Part II" over the next couple of days.

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah B:
I so very much enjoyed reading about your sweet and caring thoughts
that you expressed for your mum.

Many members here that are transitioning or have transitioned do not have,
or may have never had that kind of unconditional support from a parent
and other close family members.

Count yourself very fortunate.

Thank you for sharing and for posting your update on your blog thread.
Many HUGS,
Danielle

Sarah,

I think the card and its expressed thoughts are very nice.

Chrissy

Sarah,

Cute cat also!

Chrissy

Hello Chrissy

You said:

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 17, 2024, 12:23:16 PMI think the card and its expressed thoughts are very nice.

and

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 17, 2024, 12:23:50 PMCute cat also!

Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts.  It is appreciated very much.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@ChrissyRyan

Hello Danielle

Thank you so much for your kind words and your wisdom, you say to yourself, "but I'm not wise", unfortunately whether you think of those words or not, you are and it simply shows in your writings to the members of Susan's:

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on May 17, 2024, 11:43:57 AM@Sarah B
Dear Sarah B:
I so very much enjoyed reading about your sweet and caring thoughts
that you expressed for your mum.

As I have already said, "your kind words," do not go unnoticed by me and most of all by others here on Susan's. I'm happy that you enjoyed the post that I wrote.

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on May 17, 2024, 11:43:57 AM
Many members here that are transitioning or have transitioned do not have,
or may have never had that kind of unconditional support from a parent
and other close family members.

This is what troubled me the most on whether, I posted on the relationship between my mother and her children, especially in regards to me.  It hurts me so deeply that others do not or have some support, bond or connection with their family.

Do I post or do I not post?, it did not matter in the end as I alluded to what I wrote in my above post.  So I posted, knowing it may hurt some and letting others know that family members will love them for who they are.  As time moves forwarded and hopefully acceptance will be come the norm of accepting people who are different from themselves.

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on May 17, 2024, 11:43:57 AM
Count yourself very fortunate.

Thank you for sharing and for posting your update on your blog thread.
Many HUGS,
Danielle

I know I'm very fortunate, but even it hurts me to some extent knowing that, while others are not so fortunate.

You are most welcome, it was my pleasure in doing so.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
PS Fixed some formatting issues
@Northern Star Girl

Hi Sarah,

I enjoyed re-reading your post from the 6th of January again, in your re-post of it last week. 

Quote from: Sarah B on May 17, 2024, 08:19:38 PMDo I post or do I not post? it did not matter in the end as I alluded to what I wrote in my above post.  So I posted, knowing it may hurt some and letting others know that family members will love them for who they are.  As time moves forwarded and hopefully acceptance will be come the norm of accepting people who are different from themselves

I know I'm very fortunate, but even it hurts me to some extent knowing that, while others are not so fortunate.

I don't think anyone should hastate to post their good fortune or success storie.  Susan's is here as a support group.  Part of that support is having a place to share our success stories as well as our hardships.  I know I'll never pass, but I really love reading a post where someone had a positive experience in that regard.  It always makes me feel good.

Please do not hesitate to post a joyful experience.

Warm Regards,

Paulie. 

Hi Everyone

In the various threads the ubiquitous word of 'transition' rears it's head time and time again. If I post in those thread I usually say no I did not 'transition.' so why do I insist that is the case?  The following is basically a run down on why.

The assumption in this case is; 'transitions' and its current associated meaning, the word was not around when I changed my life around in Feb 1989, or I did not know about it.  I had always wanted or longed to be a female and that's all I did from Feb 1989 onwards and that was, I have lived my life as a female ever since.

I simply accomplished that by changing my clothes, put a little makeup on and did my hair up and went back to work in a new city.  Two years later I had surgery.  Two points of interest, I changed my clothes and I had surgery both, instantaneous so to speak anything else was just me ensuring I looked pretty.

There was no transition per se, I understand the word.  The two main definitions are;

Transition; (noun)

•   A change from one form or type to another, or the process by which this happens.
•   Changes which may be social, legal or medical, that lead to someone living their life as a person of a different gender to the one they were said to have at birth.

What I did not know at the time I was always female.  Therefore I never transitioned according to the two definitions given above.  If one considers the length of transition; 30 years to change around, 10 years where my longing or wanting became stronger and stronger, just before I was 30, or was it 2 years from the age of 30 to my surgery date Feb 1991.  Hence the transitioning period is not definitive and once I knew I was always a female, I never transitioned.

During those two years, I began to slowly realise that I was headed to surgery, although that thought was there when I arrived in Sydney, the question was why?  I know my epiphany was the initial trigger to allow me to live my life as a female.  Once I was living my life as a female I never had those thoughts again.  In my case I was free to pursue men more openly as well.

Still I was not going to get involved intimately as I did not want any ramifications to happen to me.  To what extent my hormones were contributing to my thinking, I don't know and at the time I never considered the effects they may have had in regards to my thinking.  I do know that I wanted to be with a man in every sense of the meaning.  It was not until one year later after I had my surgery, I laid that ghost to rest and of course I continued living my life as a female.

Which bring me to the word 'authenticity', my whole life has been real, so it has always been authentic.  I have always done what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it.  I may not have realised that I was a female prior to me changing my life around and doing those things were just part of me. Regardless of what others saw and why did I not express my femininity?

I guess I had an innate sense of personal security or safety and if I did the repercussions could have been devastating to me.  Also I did not have to express my femininity as I was a female and it was given that what I did was feminine.  The final icing on the cake in regards to my authenticity, I eventually found out years later that the only reason I had surgery, was so that I could function as a female, that was denied from me for so long.

So I have always lived my life as a female and that my life has always been authentic.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

Thank you for sharing this with us Sarah, and lovely chatting with you.
-LurkinLiz

Hi Liz

Thank you for coming in and saying hello.  I have just got back from swimming and having dinner with my brother and his family.  It was a nice surprise to see that you made a comment and it is really appreciated.  I also enjoyed our conversation on Discord.

I did get to read your introduction in the Introduction Forum very briefly and as I mentioned in our discussion on Discord, that what you have to say is valuable and you certainly lived up to it.

I will leave it there and I will go and formally welcome you to Susan's.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

Quote from: Sarah B on February 03, 2024, 06:20:00 PMHi Everyone

Upon reflection on what I just posted in Awakening, one could say it took me approximately 9 years from 1980, where the majority of my thoughts, feelings and activities occurred (or 30 years from birth!) to get to the point of leaving family and friends to go and live as female.  In other words my awakening, is no different than others, who took their time in achieving their own goals.

Hi Sara, I am so enjoying reading Sarah B's Story.  You mentioned your uncle said you should go and live your life as a girl.  I assume he was supportive?  Was the rest of your family suppprtive or is that why you left? Pardon me if you explain in the later blogs 😊.  I'm terrified of the thought of friends and family finding out about the true me, especially at this late stage in my life.  I know I'm not alone in this.

Quote from: TracieCarolinaGirl on October 01, 2024, 10:46:00 AMI'm terrified of the thought of friends and family finding out about the true me, especially at this late stage in my life.  I know I'm not alone in this.

I've found it helpful to explore how others might think of me, even if it is only in my own mind. That's made me realise that if it has taken me years of difficulty becoming comfortable with the idea that I am trans - and that's with me living with the idea full time - how long is it going to take anyone else?

No less time, I think.

So I have sympathy for family and friends who find themselves struggling with feelings of love and friendship on one side and this almost impossible to understand thing on the other side. For some people - and it is unfair, I know - there is stigma attached to being a friend or a relative of someone who is trans. For that reason alone, some will back away if they find out.

One way around the fear of finding out and the possibility, or likelihood of losing friends and family members is to never to come out, but that too has its disadvantages. Ultimately, there will be no easy way through this maze until such time as social attitudes change.

Another way around these fears for all of us is to imagine coming out as trans as being like moving to another country, making new friends and beginning over again. Lots of non trans people emigrate to find work or whatever, survive an equal dose of change to coming out of trans and thrive on it. They move away from their old family and friends, stay in touch with some, lose touch with others, but a new life beckons and since it is the one they want, they live it to the full.

People who emigrate make a sharp change - they don't stay half in one country and half in another. For some trans people it is possible to do the halfway thing, but many who have successful solutions have reached their goal by walking away from the past, including people they have loved.

So the question for all of us is, how much do we value in the 'old country' where we were in the closet and how much do we want from the 'new' where we are out? I feel being comfortable with that equation lies at the heart of a working solution for every one of us?

Quote from: TanyaG on October 01, 2024, 12:26:43 PMOne way around the fear of finding out and the possibility, or likelihood of losing friends and family members is to never to come out, but that too has its disadvantages. Ultimately, there will be no easy way through this maze until such time as social attitudes change.

Can people successfully live a secret female life with new friend group from the trans community, while keeping their old relationships in tact and in the dark to their true nature?  Or does this at some point become untenable?

Quote from: TracieCarolinaGirl on October 01, 2024, 12:41:25 PMCan people successfully live a secret female life with new friend group from the trans community, while keeping their old relationships in tact and in the dark to their true nature?  Or does this at some point become untenable?

To some extent yes, but it depends on your circumstances, and there is always going to be the question of keeping the two worlds apart. However, as a way of buying time to work out what you want from life, living in two worlds has some advantages.

Susan's offers such a virtual world, but since anyone can read the threads here, even non-members, so it has its limitations. However, since most of us have to go through a stage of identifying our hopes and fears and coming up with a life plan, Susan's has many strengths because there are so many others with similar experiences around to bounce ideas off as we are developing our plan, best done along with counselling and psychotherapy.

I've tackled how I lived in a parallel secret female world like you describe in the first couple of posts in my blog - to an extent I'm still living it, because there are family and friends who don't know I'm trans because they don't need to. While that solution works for me right now, it would change if I had gender affirming medical care (GAMC) but because of my particular circumstance, that isn't on the table.

Which is a way of saying that for anyone who goes through GAMC, at some point the two worlds will have to collide. The best option is to have all the talking done before that happens, and one thing a secret world can provide is a safety valve to stop you going crazy before you decide to let the collision happen and to help you allow it to occur in a controlled fashion.

If that makes sense.

For instance, it sounds like one of your biggest fears is family and friends finding out. That's entirely reasonable and all of us experience that fear at one time or another. Thinking through 'how will family and friends take this?' is a difficult but healthy process.

Quote from: TanyaG on October 01, 2024, 01:44:39 PMIf that makes sense.

It makes perfect sense to me.  What I'd give to have a cuppa with you and talk all things girly.  Thanks again Tonya.  Finding Susan's Place has been a real gift.

I've just brought forward a third post in my blog which may help you at this stage. It is about what is called 'scripting'. Mine led me a merry dance for I forget how long. Whatever, this is the lovely Sarah's blog and I don't want to hog it because its for her and she has my respect.

Hi Tracie

Nice of you to come here, you have put a smile on my face and thank you for taking the time to read my story.  You said:

Quote from: TracieCarolinaGirl on October 01, 2024, 10:46:00 AMHi Sara, I am so enjoying reading Sarah B's Story.  You mentioned your uncle said you should go and live your life as a girl.  I assume he was supportive?  Was the rest of your family suppprtive or is that why you left? Pardon me if you explain in the later blogs 😊.  I'm terrified of the thought of friends and family finding out about the true me, especially at this late stage in my life.  I know I'm not alone in this.

Yes, he was supportive and he found out on the grapevine in the family, about my brothers and cousins thinking that they found something, girl clothes in particular, but did not.  I will let you find that particular story amongst the other stories, it was funny to say the least.

The reason why he was supportive he also liked to wear some female clothing from time to time.  I think if I remember correctly, he said this after the first or second Christmas 87 and 88 where I was spending my holidays travelling as Sarah to see him and his wife, she knew and supported me as well.

I never told my family, about me and when they did find out, I was accepted unconditionally and you will have to read the rest to get the nitty gritty details.  You do not to have to apologise for asking and I'm more than willing to answer questions in regards to how I changed my life around.

In regards to telling your family and friends and being scared in regards to your issues is a natural response.  If you do decide to tell them, then that is up to you whether you do or don't.  I was never scared and one reason being I did not want them to know about me and that is why I left everyone behind.  One of the best stories of coming out to friends and family is, 'imallie's' story.

It is never too late to speak about who you truly are and you are never alone.  In my time there was no help to speak of and in this day and age you have all the help at your finger tips.

Once again thank you for reading part of my story!  I hope you enjoy the rest of it.  I still have more to write and I know there are others around here who would like to find out more.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@TracieCarolinaGirl

Hi Tracie

You said:

Quote from: TracieCarolinaGirl on October 01, 2024, 12:41:25 PMCan people successfully live a secret female life with new friend group from the trans community, while keeping their old relationships in tact and in the dark to their true nature?  Or does this at some point become untenable?

Yes and as you may have gathered I'm one and I have read of others, where one leaves their family and friends behind, whether they know or don't know.

As I have said I originally left my family and friends behind and I did not tell them what I was going to do and I moved across the country to do so.  My family eventually found out and they accepted me.  I never told any of my old friends and they still do not know till this day.  I have just lived my life as me ever since, not telling anyone about my past.

I was never involved the 'trans community' when I changed my life around and Susan's is the only place where I'm involved.  Living my life as me is not untenable, because I have always been private, quite and shy and the less people know about that aspect of my life the better.

Take care.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@ TracieCarolinaGirl

Hi Tanya

You mentioned the following:

Quote from: TanyaG on October 01, 2024, 02:17:13 PMI've just brought forward a third post in my blog which may help you at this stage. It is about what is called 'scripting'. Mine led me a merry dance for I forget how long. Whatever, this is the lovely Sarah's blog and I don't want to hog it because its for her and she has my respect.

It's certainly nice to see you here and yes it is where I blog about myself, not that I have done much in the last two months.  However, you are more than welcome to talk amongst yourselves about anything, even though I'm just standing in the corner listening in.

So you are not hogging this space and thank you for your kind words.

I'm going to go and make myself a cup of coffee and if I'm lucky I will find a biscuit or two.  Do you want one?

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@ TanyaG

Quote from: TracieCarolinaGirl on October 01, 2024, 12:41:25 PMCan people successfully live a secret female life with new friend group from the trans community, while keeping their old relationships in tact and in the dark to their true nature?  Or does this at some point become untenable?

Tracie,


Seems like leading a double life in a way.  I suppose this may be possible with great care.
I am not passing judgment with those comments.

Sooner or later a person attempting this may be exposed.  Some explanation will then be in order. 

Many a cross dresser or a Transgender person transitioning have kept their selves hidden for a period of time successfully, as many do not come out for a quite a while because of societal norms not favoring their desired self or presentation.

However it sounds as if you are asking if this can be hidden forever.  Maybe!  I do not know.  I doubt it.

See what others say. 

Quote from: Sarah B on October 01, 2024, 06:07:07 PMI'm going to go and make myself a cup of coffee and if I'm lucky I will find a biscuit or two.  Do you want one?

Yummy, ta!

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on October 01, 2024, 07:05:48 PMHowever it sounds as if you are asking if this can be hidden forever.  Maybe!  I do not know.  I doubt it.

That's the issue. Sooner or later, the two worlds - the hidden one and the open one - will collide and its better if that collision is under some kind of control. But from what I know, most people who are trans go through a period of keeping the two worlds apart while they sort out the one they are 'in'.

Quote from: Sarah B on October 01, 2024, 05:51:43 PMI was never involved the 'trans community' when I changed my life around and Susan's is the only place where I'm involved.  Living my life as me is not untenable, because I have always been private, quite and shy and the less people know about that aspect of my life the better.

This is a really important thing for many of us, I think. Coming out within a community in which you are known involves living through dozens of people with whom we have history doing 'resets' about us, which will be at least as messy as the resets we have done with ourselves. Moving and starting afresh simplifies that, and the emotional cost of doing so can be a lot less than the cost of staying around in the 'old' world.

It sounds like it worked well for you?

Hi Tanya

You mention the following:

Quote from: TanyaG on October 02, 2024, 02:34:23 AMThat's the issue. Sooner or later, the two worlds - the hidden one and the open one - will collide and its better if that collision is under some kind of control. But from what I know, most people who are trans go through a period of keeping the two worlds apart while they sort out the one they are 'in'.

You see there never was two worlds for me and even to this day, I don't live in two worlds.  I never debated with myself growing up why I wanted or longed to be female, I never questioned anything I did in regards to changing my life around and I never questioned my gender, never expressed it either, well never out loud as a matter of fact.

Which is funny, it was not until I came across Susan's place, which was the end result of me seeing a documentary on 'Jazz Jennings' that I finally realised that I was a female, This was nearly 20 odd years after living my life as me, talk about being naive.  Yes and only rarely will I express myself as female and only around here in posts or conversations.  The point being I do not have to express that part about me as people just see me as a female and yes I tick the appropriate box, what sex or gender are you.

Even to this day I do not have to express my gender or sex.  For instance recently I had a cold and coughing caused my 'ribs' (or something, they don't know precisely what), to crack on the left which caused excruciating pain and I ended up in hospital.  One of the questions they asked me while I was in triage was; "have you had any major surgery and I said no".

You should have seen my nieces eyes pop right out of her head (she knows everything). or in other words I did not tell them about my past.  Week or so after being discharged, I received my discharge papers and on those papers my sex is listed as female, I did not tell them that, in other words all they saw was a female.

I'm not 'trans' (I don't like those words and I don't use them if I can help it) and never have been.  The words were not around when I changed my life around.  My life was continuous especially in Feb 1989 where I just put on more appropriate clothing for me and continued on with my life.

I left my friends and family as I did not want to hurt them and I did not want any repercussions of what I was going to do to fall upon them.  Yes, I sacrificed everything (hindsight of course) and the life I was living at the time and I have a family that totally accepts me for who I am, unconditionally.

So there never was two worlds for me and I only have ever lived in one world only and that is living my life as me.  Regardless of what people saw before I changed my life around.

You also mention:

Quote from: TanyaG on October 02, 2024, 02:38:06 AMThis is a really important thing for many of us, I think. Coming out within a community in which you are known involves living through dozens of people with whom we have history doing 'resets' about us, which will be at least as messy as the resets we have done with ourselves. Moving and starting afresh simplifies that, and the emotional cost of doing so can be a lot less than the cost of staying around in the 'old' world.

It sounds like it worked well for you?

I will never "come out" to any community, as there is really nothing to reveal.  I don't disclose my situation to doctors unless absolutely necessary and I'm hesitant to do so in the future.  I simply have a medical condition.  During my required therapy sessions, my psychiatrist encouraged me to come out to one of my brothers, who was estranged from the family.  However, I had already mentioned that, I believe my family was aware of my circumstances, thanks to my uncle who knew about me.  So it was pointless in coming out to my brother and I believe my psychiatrist sensed that I wasn't inclined to come out to anyone, as he never pursued that topic again.

Well moving away in hindsight was the best thing that I ever did, not that I knew that was going to be the outcome of what I did.  In a sense there was no questioning from anyone and there where no resets whatsoever.  So you are right I suppose, there is less emotional stress if one moves away, although I never suffered from doing so and as far as I know family and friends did not either, except for "where did she go" and my mum was emotional and had some concerns, when she spoke to me on the phone for the first time after I left.

You have no idea how well it just worked out for me, even I cannot believe how everything worked out for me, lucky? No, extremely lucky yes.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@TanyaG

Why have I only now seen your blog?

Bad Lauren!

*parks up next to the pool*

<3

Are you doing okay now, hon? Hospital visits are never nice.

*hugs*

Hi Sephirah

Quote from: Sephirah on October 04, 2024, 01:28:48 AMWhy have I only now seen your blog?

Bad Lauren!

*parks up next to the pool*

<3

Are you doing okay now, hon? Hospital visits are never nice.

*hugs*

Honestly Sephirah (aka Lauren) I do not know. My signature 'Be who you want to be.' is at the bottom of all my posts and that will never change and the link to 'Sarah's Story' has been there since I came back to Susan's and just recently the most briefest outline of what I did is now underneath 'Sarah's Story' maybe you thought it was the title to the following bio information, now that is funny.  I could not have planned that even if I tried.

I've heard that your eyesight isn't great, and I'm truly sorry that you're facing more challenges on top of what you have already gone through.  However I'm going to be around for awhile and I want you around also so I can give you more of those big bear hugs.

Yes, I'm recovering, but just when I thought I was doing well, fate threw a wrench in the works, like poking a stick in a bicycle wheel. We all know how that turns out!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
PS How did you come across my blog?.  Inquiring minds would like to know
@Sephirah

Last on a long list, hon. (I keep wanting to call people I know their real names, by their real names, and have to stop myself, lol)

It kind of sucks at the moment yeah, but I am more concerned with how you are doing? What is this wrench? I miss you around here, girl. Are you okay? Message me if you want to.

Love you <3

Hi Sephirah

I think you miss understood me, I had a lot of doctors appointments this year, finding a decent one, having tests done all basically good except for the pain in my hip and so I was travelling along as normal.

I then got a cold I was doing ok and then a couple of coughs caused excruciating pain.  It seemed like my 'ribs' cracked but no, which resulted in me being in hospital.  On top of that my 'new' doctor moved on and now I have to look for a new one.  This is what what I was talking about when I refer to 'throwing a wrench in the works'

There is never a dull moment.

Have you read my blog now and what do you mean by "parks up next to the pool"?

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Sephirah

Happy Thanksgiving to you Sarah!  Although you may not celebrate it where you live, have a nice day!

Chrissy

Hi Everyone

I guess this post is one way of getting back into writing Sarah B's story.  Once I start writing my fingers fly across the keyboard, speaking my mind.  The following quote from one of Natalie's post, got me started and when I finished, I considered it was too long to put it in Natilie's Illiad.  I did not want to overtake her blog so to speak.  I will post a few lines in her blog.  With a reference to this post for those who wish to read it in full.  So without further ado:

Natalie said:

Quote from: NatalieRene on December 14, 2024, 09:54:30 PMI don't remember the exact date but towards the end of my 1 year of full time I had to get a second therapist in addition to my primary therapist.  I got a reference from my therapist.  I had to do this because to get SRS the surgeon required required from two therapists recommending the procedure.  I also went up to Philadelphia to get my consultation with Dr.  Sharman Leis.  It was over $20,000.  I remember wondering how the heck I would ever manage to save up that much money after checking and finding out my insurance covered none of the expense.

When it came time for my first visit to a psychiatrist, I dressed casually in a skirt, blouse, light makeup and my hair in a plait.  I chose this look because it allowed me to present as female without issue and to convey to the psychiatrist that I was completely serious about my intentions.  For my second visit, I wore a semi formal suit (power dressing), reflecting the way I typically dressed for work at the time.

After that, I don't specifically remember what I wore, but I went in as myself, regardless of the outfit.  Even then, I would have gone through with surgery immediately if I could have, though I knew it was still far off.

My experience wasn't too different from yours.  I had been seeing my first psychiatrist for at least a year when the subject of seeing a second psychiatrist came up.  I believe I was the one who raised the topic, knowing that two letters of recommendation were required for surgery.  My primary psychiatrist referred me to a second psychiatrist and after just three visits, I received my first surgery letter in May 1990.

This was about 16 months into my journey.  Around the same time and unbeknownst to me, my endocrinologist also wrote a surgery letter, which became my second.   After meeting with the second psychiatrist, I asked my first psychiatrist if he could write my surgery letter.  I was worried he might refuse and I was ready to seek out another psychiatrist if necessary.

Thankfully, I didn't have to go down that road.  He agreed to write to my surgeon, confirming I was a suitable candidate for SRS.  Looking back, this moment reveals how determined I was to have the surgery.  I would have found another option if he had said no.

Once I had the two required letters, I asked if I could have surgery immediately.  My psychiatrist said no, as I was only 16 months into living full time and the surgery required a minimum of two years.  Surgery ended up being nine months away.  Knowing I had the letters and a date had been set for my surgery the waiting was bearable and I knew the time would fly by.

Although I rarely thought about surgery in a detailed way, I knew I wanted it badly and just wanted to move forward with my life.  At the time, I didn't fully understand the depth of my determination.  Interestingly,  it must be said that through out the two years and before I changed my life around. I was not dysphoric, either in body or mind.

As the surgery date approached, I encountered one last hurdle: money.  I called my psychiatrist in tears, explaining that the funds hadn't come through.  I was borrowing $5,000 against a property I owned and had another $5,000 saved.  Surgery costing $10,000.  Looking back, I realize how desperate I was to have the surgery.  At that moment, I didn't know what else to do.

Fortunately, luck was with me and the loan from the bank came through.  Of all the things that I had done up and till this stage I had no problems.  The last hurdle paying for the operation nearly got me unstuck, because I had not planned this part very well.

In the end, the hurdles I faced, whether emotional, logistical or financial, only strengthened my resolve.  The journey to surgery was not just about the letters, consultations or saving the money. It was about living my life as a female that I always longed for and ultimately knowing that I had always been.  Every step, from changing my clothes to navigating the medical and obtaining my documents, reinforced that this path was mine to walk.

Take care everyone and I hope all your dreams come true.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@NatalieRene

Hi Everyone

This post is a response to the thread titled, How long after starting hormones do MTF people usually present female full time? (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,238520.0.html)  In which I provide more detail than the usual, "I changed my life around in Feb 1989 and started HRT in Mar 1989".  So without further delay here is my story surrounding that question.

When considering how long before or after starting hormones MTF (FTM) people usually present as female (male) full time, I reflect on my own experience, which began well before I started HRT.  In Dec 1987 and Dec 1988, I went on holiday for about one week each time, fully presenting as Sarah.  Though these trips were short, they highlight an important point: it was two years before I even started HRT.

During these holidays, I presented as female with no issues or hesitation.  There was no second guessing or analysis.  I simply lived my life as a female, instinctively doing what felt right.  In hindsight, I now realize that subconsciously, I wanted to live as a female.  During that time, I was unknowingly shaping my appearance to align with my identity.  I began visiting a beauty salon, where I regularly had my legs waxed.  When asked why I didn't have hair on my legs, I explained it away by simply saying; "I was a swimmer and less hair meant less drag", which improved my times in the water.

At some point, I also started waxing my face. While I'm not sure exactly when I began, I know it was before Feb 1989. I continued waxing my face after Feb 1989 until I no longer had facial hair. There was a period when I had a moustache, which I removed by December 1987.  I was hiding the truth of who I really was.  While the exact reasons for these actions are now hazy, I believe they were driven by an unconscious desire to be female or when I did think about it, it was a case of I wanted or longed to be a female.  I disliked shaving and of course, women typically don't have facial hair.

I had been growing my hair long since I was 18 and combined with makeup and a change in clothing, I was able to pass easily as female.  These changes, along with the two Christmas holidays, helped solidify my appearance as female.  In Feb 1989, I changed my life around without any trouble or hesitation.  Had I known what was possible from Dec 1987, I might have made this change earlier.  However, I don't think it would have been a good outcome if I did.

However, looking back, I believe Feb 1989 was the right time.  I was able to take long service leave and enjoy a year long break as Sarah, which not only gave me time to embrace this new phase but also provided me with financial security for the year.  When I eventually left my job a year later, I had also claimed 13 weeks of sick leave, securing additional funds and ensuring that I was set up for the future.

So when I arrived in Sydney in February 1989, I was already presenting as female, even before I began HRT. It wasn't until March 1989 that I started hormones.  One more thing before I leave, whether living as a female or taking HRT, I never once again longed or wanted to be a female, why?  I was living my life as a female.

Take care and I hope all your dreams come true.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator

Hi Everyone

Introduction
It has been mentioned in a couple of posts, namely:

Quote from: KathyLauren on December 16, 2024, 06:56:45 PMI think we all, those of us who transition or who consider whether or not to transition, have faced these questions.  I would encourage you not to treat them as rhetorical questions.  Try to actually answer them.  Talk over your answers with your therapists.

Quote from: treeseeds on December 16, 2024, 03:52:57 PMWhat if I'm not transgendered and just have a diagnosis of gender dysphoria?

While some transgender people say they do not experience dysphoria (I'll take their word for it, though I remain skeptical), I have never heard of a diagnosis of gender dysphoria in a person who was not transgender.

and

Quote from: Lori Dee on December 16, 2024, 08:23:51 PMExactly this.
Some transgender people do not have dysphoria, so they may or may not transition.  Dysphoria means this uncomfortable feeling is disrupting your life in some way.  Only transgender people have gender dysphoria, the uncomfortable feeling that their body does not match who they feel they are.

History
I have highlighted the relevant text because I disagree with it.  I have mentioned in several posts on Susan's Place that I never suffered from gender dysphoria.  Even recently, I noted that I never experienced body dysphoria, despite my desire for certain physical changes.  When I expressed this to one of my doctors, she confirmed that I was not alone, noting, "There are others like me."

I never hated my anatomy.  I knew it would be altered surgically in the future, so it never caused me distress.  However, I do recall having thoughts such as "I always wanted" or "I longed to be female." I sometimes joked, "That must be the extent of my dysphoria," even though I never truly felt distressed.

As far as I know, I have never experienced any mental health issues.  During therapy, neither of my psychiatrists questioned my state of mind or inquired why I wanted surgery.  There was nothing particularly noteworthy that came up in those sessions.  In retrospect, I realize I was attending therapy only to meet the mandatory period of living as a female.

To the best of my knowledge, I was never formally diagnosed with gender dysphoria.  Between February 1989 and February 1991, the term "gender dysphoria" was not commonly used [7].

The letters provided to my surgeon referred to me as a "transsexual" or "male to female." These were the terms used by my medical team.  I do not identify as "transgender."  Words with the prefix "trans," including "transgender," were not commonly used where I lived at the time nor were they part of the broader vocabulary [7].

The only term I occasionally use is "transsexual," and I rarely use the term.  I do not accept the various definitions now attributed to 'transgender.' I use "transsexual" for historic accuracy, personal preference and because it resonates with my experience.  It was the term that best described me when I first encountered it [7].  However, I now prefer to describe my situation as a 'medical condition' instead as this feels more accurate to me.

Challenging Traditional Views of Dysphoria
In medical literature there are documented instances of individuals who pursue hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and sexual reassignment surgery (SRS), or gender reassignment surgery (GRS), now commonly called gender affirming surgery (GAS), even without experiencing traditional forms of dysphoria [1][5][6].

These individuals do not necessarily experience gender dysphoria or body dysphoria in the traditional sense.  While gender dysphoria has historically been considered a key component in diagnosing individuals seeking medical care, not everyone who seeks gender affirming care (GAC) fits the classic description [2][5][6].

This directly challenges the notion that if you are "transgender," you must have "gender dysphoria."

People Without Gender Dysphoria
Some individuals identify with a gender different from the one assigned at birth but do not experience significant distress or dysphoria typically associated with that identity [1][5][6].  For these individuals, the desire to pursue GAC may come from a need to align their bodies with their gender identity, rather than from correcting a perceived difference [5].

Their motivations are not rooted in dysphoria.  They may simply seek to express their gender identity more clearly, often through physical modifications such as hormone replacement therapy or surgery [3][5][6].
In my case, I did not experience the typical distress associated with gender dysphoria, which often arises from the disparity between one's gender identity and physical body [2].

However, I still recognized a difference between my identity and my body, but I did not feel psychological discomfort.  Instead, I pursued surgery to align my physical appearance with my female gender identity without experiencing the distress that often characterizes gender dysphoria [5][6].

Gender Euphoria
Some individuals experience what is known as gender euphoria: a feeling of comfort, happiness and a sense of rightness when their body and presentation align with their gender identity.  This positive feeling can motivate them to seek GAC even without experiencing the distress commonly associated with dysphoria [4].

Before my surgery, I would lie on my bed, adjust my position to conceal what was between my legs and say to myself, "This feels right." I felt happy and at ease.  Even after surgery, many years later, that feeling remains.  It still brings me joy and contentment [4].

Personal Identity Without Dysphoria
Some people pursue changes to their appearance, presentation, or legal documents not because of dysphoria but simply because it feels right.  They want their external self to match their gender identity.  For some, this may be driven by a desire for social recognition, alignment with established gender roles, or a longing for socially accepted gender expression, all without experiencing psychological distress [3][5][6].

Others may not feel discomfort with their assigned gender but still sense a difference between their social roles and personal identity.  In such cases, gender affirming changes provide authenticity and personal fulfillment, rather than serving as a remedy for distress.  Their decisions are driven by the desire to express themselves honestly, not by a need to resolve discomfort [3][5].

One might wonder how there can be social or psychological pressures if there is no gender dysphoria.  In my experience, when I changed my life around in February 1989,  Within three months, I changed my clothing, applied some makeup, updated my basic documents and returned to work in a different city.  I told no one about what I had done.  By making these changes, I simply reflected my true self, allowing my personality to shine through without any underlying distress [7].

Conclusion
Historically, gender dysphoria was considered the main reason individuals might pursue hormones or surgery, but today's medical care acknowledges a broader range of motivations.  In my case, I did not experience any distress whatsoever.  Instead, I pursued hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and surgery simply to align my physical characteristics with my gender identity.  It was never about overcoming distress; it was about fulfilling a long-held desire for self-expression and authenticity.

While some people identify as transgender due to psychological conflict or distress, not everyone who seeks gender affirming procedures shares that experience.  Many, like me, may not experience dysphoria at all, yet still feel a strong connection to their gender identity and a desire to express it physically and socially.  This motivation might stem from a personal need for alignment or an aesthetic preference, rather than from discomfort.

Ultimately, gender identity is deeply personal and need not fit into traditional definitions.  Even without dysphoria, individuals can feel connected to their identity and choose to live in a way that reflects who they truly are.  I have chosen the terminology and narrative that best reflect my journey, recognizing that each person's experience is valid.  To me "transgender" is merely a label, akin to name calling and I want no part of it.  It is up to each individual to define themselves and choose the language that most accurately represents their own path.

Bibliography and Comments
[1]  Drescher, J.  (2010).  Clinical issues in gender nonconformity.  Journal of Gay & Lesbian Psychotherapy, 14(3), 201–220.  Discusses the evolving understanding of gender identity, including experiences of those who may not meet the strict criteria for gender dysphoria yet still need to live in alignment with a different gender.

[2]  American Psychiatric Association (2013).  Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: DSM-5.  The DSM-5 acknowledges that not everyone who seeks GAC experiences significant distress.  The criteria for gender dysphoria have shifted, recognizing a broader spectrum of gender identities.

[3]  Budge, S.  L., & Howard, K.  A.  S.  (2011).  The role of gender identity in transgender people's psychological well-being: A review of the literature.  Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity, 1(2), 118–126.  Examines psychological and social factors influencing transgender well-being, including those who seek GAC for identity and self-expression rather than distress.

[4]  Budge, S.  L., Adelson, J.  L., & Howard, K.  A.  S.  (2013).  Anxiety and depression in transgender individuals: The roles of transition status, loss, social support and coping.  Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 81(3), 545–557.  Examines the concept of gender euphoria and its significance as a motivating factor for some individuals seeking GAC, even without traditional dysphoria.

[5]  Tomboy, S.  (2021).  Exploring non-dysphoric motivations in GAC.  Journal of Gender Studies, 30(2), 225–236.  Highlights that many individuals who do not meet the criteria for gender dysphoria still seek HRT and SRS to align their body and identity or fulfill aesthetic preferences, rather than to correct a difference.

[6]  Kuyper, L., & Wijsen, C.  (2014).  International Journal of ->-bleeped-<-, 15(3), 110–119.  Gender dysphoria and non-dysphoric transgender individuals: The shifting landscape of gender identity.  Explores a spectrum of transgender experiences, including those involving non-dysphoric individuals who pursue medical interventions for reasons unrelated to distress.

[7]  Stryker, S.  (2008).  Transgender history.  Seal Press.  Offers an overview of historical and social contexts of transgender identity and care, including diverse experiences among individuals who may not experience traditional gender dysphoria.  Including when the words 'transgender' and 'gender dysphoria' came into usage.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@KathyLauren @Lori Dee

You misunderstood what I said:

Some transgender people do not have dysphoria, so they may or may not transition.  Dysphoria means this uncomfortable feeling is disrupting your life in some way.  Only transgender people have gender dysphoria, the uncomfortable feeling that their body does not match who they feel they are.

Those who are cisgender do not experience gender dysphoria. They may experience body dysmorphia and want to lose weight, get breast implants, or a facelift. But their motivation has nothing to do with aligning with a different gender.

To summarize:

You can be transgender and not have gender dysphoria.
If you have gender dysphoria, then by definition, you are transgender.
In either case, you may or may not transition depending on your own circumstances.

I did not have any dysphoria as such , I just knew I had to be female.

Hi Lori

Thank you for replying to what I wrote and I did consider all the possible scenarios, but I left them out.  I should have included them, anyway I hope the following helps you understand where I'm coming from:

I understand what you wrote in your post, and I see where you are coming from.  It's true that there are several possible scenarios regarding transgender identity and dysphoria:

• Transgender and experiences gender dysphoria
• Transgender and does not experience gender dysphoria
• Not transgender and experiences gender dysphoria
• Not transgender and does not experience gender dysphoria (This is me)

You were describing scenarios that mostly focus on transgender experiences (1 or 2), which I acknowledge.  However, I want to clarify my own situation.  At the time of my surgery, I did not consciously know I was female, yet I still wanted to be female.  It was not until around 2010, when I joined Susan's Place, that I fully realized I had always been female.  Throughout this process, I never experienced any form of gender dysphoria.

When I underwent surgery, the concept of "transgender" was not widely used.   It only started to gain common usage in the late 1980s and early 1990s, and the clinical term "gender dysphoria" did not appear until the DSM-5 (2013).  [1]

My choice to have surgery was not about aligning my gender identity with my body because of distress, but rather about fulfilling a long held desire to live openly as a female.   As Stryker (2008) [1] explains, understandings of gender identity and related terminology have evolved significantly over time, and my experience predates many of these shifts.

While I acknowledge and understand your perspective, it does not fully account for my situation.  I fall into scenario 4.   I am not transgender and did not experience any dysphoria.   Therefore, my experience differs from those typically discussed in relation to transgender individuals or those associated with gender dysphoria. 

Bibliography and Comments
[1]  Stryker, S.   (2008).   Transgender history.   Seal Press.   Offers an overview of historical and social contexts of transgender identity and care, including diverse experiences among individuals who may not experience traditional gender dysphoria.   Including when the words 'transgender' and 'gender dysphoria' came into usage.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lori Dee

Hi Davina

You said:

Quote from: davina61 on December 19, 2024, 09:41:13 AMI did not have any dysphoria as such , I just knew I had to be female.

Not to dissimilar to me, no dysphoria and I wanted to be a female.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@davina61

I understand what you are saying and I acknowledge that many do not experience gender dysphoria.
But #3 above is not possible. You cannot have gender dysphoria and not be transgender.

By definition:

"Gender dysphoria is a condition characterized by a significant and persistent distress or discomfort caused by an incongruence between one's biological sex and their gender identity."

There is no "incongruence" in cisgender people.

"Transgender is an umbrella term that describes people whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth."

So yes, you can be transgender and maybe it does not cause you any distress.

But if it does, it is because of the incongruence between assigned sex and gender identity. And then by definition, transgender.

Hugs!  :-*

Sarah,

A very Merry Christmas to you!

Chrissy

Merry Christmas, Sister Sis!  :-*

Hi Everyone

Starting My Journey

The following recap stems from discussions in two different threads.  The first "At what age did you start your gender transition?" (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,249784.msg2288966.html#msg2288966) can be answered by saying I seriously changed my life around when I was 30.  However it must be noted that I did not 'transition' as the word is understood today. 

The second "Has your transgender desires grown with your age?" (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,3010.msg25133.html#msg25133) is answered simply No.  There were never any desires as I grew older.  It must also be said that I do not consider myself 'transgender' as both of these terms were not in common usage when I changed my life around.


Steps Along the Way

Although 'Starting My Journey' directly addresses those questions the story that follows provides far more than factual answers.  It explores my thoughts, feelings and experiences revealing why I was never troubled by what I was doing and how I approached my life with certainty and clarity.

It was after coming back from boarding school that my thoughts of wanting or longing to become a female really started.  I was able to grow my hair out without having to cut it.  I never questioned why.  I liked having long hair and maybe it was because I was female, though I did not realize that at the time.

I collected female articles over time and naturally I dressed when I could.  Even then I still did not know why and I never questioned what I was doing.  There were never any negative thoughts about those activities.  This was generally what happened between 1977 and 1987.

I do not know exactly when it happened but there was an incident where I was nearly exposed.  My uncle heard about it, approached me and told me to be careful.  This happened before December 1987.  I was going on a holiday at Christmas in December 1987 for about a week to visit my uncle who had moved to Brisbane.  I had not planned the trip but managed to dress as Sarah and drove across the country to see him.  I was scared of being found out.

After a couple of interactions with other people I stopped worrying, although maybe just a little.  I did not know about passing at the time.  I think before I went on holidays my uncle was talking to me and he said; "go and live as a female" or somethings similar.  I know that one of the reasons I changed my life around.  Then again in December 1988, I spent just over a week, just travelling as Sarah, cross country, before seeing my uncle again.  All I thought about during that week was what I could do that day as Sarah.

By February 1989 there was no plan for what Sarah was going to do, such as changing my legal name, starting HRT or getting a job.  Just like the Christmas before Sarah was thinking about what she needed to do that day.

The only important considerations were not about Sarah but about moving four times within six months.  There was the initial week where I stayed when I arrived.  The first apartment only lasted a couple of weeks, maybe only a month.  The next housing lasted at least a couple of months and this is about the time I got a job.

However, the person I was living with was a problem.  This was one of the reasons I did not need help from the community and Sarah was learning to live in the real world.  In other words, I was able to stand on my own two feet finally, so to speak.  Hence the final move to a suburb on the north shore where I just did not associate with the community.

The only other major consideration was that although I had money, I did not see it lasting long.  So I needed to get a job.  I started looking for drafting work, which was my trade at the time.  I spoke to a gentleman, explained that I was changing my life around and told him my referees were in my previous name.  He said not to worry and the next thing I knew I was doing contract work and working as Sarah.  Just writing about it now, I am amazed or stunned about how smoothly my job came about.  There was never any hesitation.  It felt like I was on autopilot and even to this day I wonder how it was possible.


Reflections and Realizations

I have so many questions about why I did not worry or second-guess what I was doing.  There was always something in my thoughts, a whisper or an inkling and I was never bothered by it.  Sometimes those thoughts came to the surface, like wanting to play with the girls or wear the school uniform that they wore.  There were no negative thoughts, no doubts and no fear.  When something needed to be done, I simply did it.  I changed my life in February 1989 without overthinking and once I started living as a female I never felt the need to question it again.

I once heard or read that the aim of changing my life around involved blending in with the rest of society and for some unknown reason this particular piece of information resonated deeply within me.  During this time nothing out of the ordinary occurred.  I was receiving HRT and I had surgery.  I was finally intimate with my first true boyfriend in 1992, which I had been denied all my life up until that point, having not been sexually active before I changed my life around.  I spent the next seven years of my life with him.

In addition to living my life during this period, I was finally able to go to university in 1994, so yeah Sarah was just busy during this period of time and it was not unlike any other female either.  Working, studying, playing, loving and living, what more could I possibly do during those years.  I was happy and content.

It was only years later, after living quietly in the suburbs, that I came across Susan's Place in 2010.  It was then that I finally recognized that I had always been female.  Until that point, I had never thought about it consciously.  Why would I? I was simply living my life as a female without questioning what it meant.  Looking back, I now see that my actions were driven by an unspoken understanding of who I was, even if I did not have the words to explain it at the time.

I never hesitated or worried about what I was doing and looking back I believe it was because I felt deeply aligned with my identity even if I did not consciously realize it at the time.  Everything I did felt natural and necessary, as if it were simply part of who I was.  I acted without doubt or fear, almost as if I had been guided by an internal certainty that I never had to question.

Another reason I never questioned myself could be that I was focused on practical matters, such as where I was going, whether I had enough money and where I was going to live.  I never stopped to analyze my actions because I was too busy taking the steps needed to build my life the way it felt right to me.  I had no negative thoughts or hesitation.  It was as if I had emotional clarity that let me act decisively without overthinking what it all meant at the time.


Looking Back and Moving Forward

My story reflects a life lived with clarity and purpose. From early childhood I had no doubts or hesitations about my identity.  Each step, whether it was growing my hair out, dressing as Sarah, moving, finding work or building a life, was approached with confidence and focus.  Rather than being troubled by emotions or desires, I acted on an inner sense of direction. Changing my life in 1989 was not about following trends or labels but about living naturally as who I always felt I was.

The years that followed brought stability, meaningful relationships and personal growth.  I found happiness and contentment in my work, studies and love life.  It was only in 2010 after coming across Susan's Place that I consciously recognized what had always been true.  Looking back, my actions had always been guided by an unspoken understanding of myself.  My story is one of quiet determination, practical focus and living authentically without overthinking or questioning the path I followed.

Take care and I wish all your dreams come true and have a Happy New Year as well

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
PS  I have made some minor corrections to the story, for clarity and one import fact which got left out accidentally.

Sarah,

Have a nice weekend.

Life is a certainly journey, to use that metaphor.

Chrissy

Hi Chrissy

You said:

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 27, 2024, 06:26:06 PMSarah,

Have a nice weekend.

Life is a certainly journey, to use that metaphor.

Chrissy

It seems with you mentioning it, I looked at my calendar and it said it was Saturday.  I would have missed another day without realizing it.  Thank you for that, because if you had not mentioned it, I may have forgotten about a trip that I have planed for Sunday.  So thank you again for that posting.

Yes, one could say it's a journey, but when I think about what I have done since the beginning.  To me it has just been another day.

You too, have a nice weekend also Chrissy.

Hugs
Sarah B
@ChrissyRyan

Quote from: Sarah B on December 27, 2024, 06:45:14 PMHi Chrissy

You said:

I seems with you mentioning it, I looked at my calendar and it said it was Saturday.  I would have missed another day without realizing it.  Thank you for that, because if you had not mentioned it, I may have forgotten about a trip that I have planed for Sunday.  So thank you again for that posting.

Yes, one could say it's a journey, but when I think about what I have done since the beginning.  To me it has just been another day.

You too, have a nice weekend also Chrissy.

Hugs
Sarah B
@ChrissyRyan

Sarah,

I do hope you enjoy your planned outing on Sunday.

I will be spending time with my sweetie this evening.  We have been discussing an important matter.  I should clarify that by saying that it has not been fully resolved to mutual satisfaction but I think we are going to.  At least, I hope so, soon. 

Chrissy

Hi Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 27, 2024, 07:20:58 PMSarah,

I do hope you enjoy your planned outing on Sunday.

I will be spending time with my sweetie this evening.  We have been discussing an important matter.  I should clarify that by saying that it has not been fully resolved to mutual satisfaction but I think we are going to.  At least, I hope so, soon. 

Chrissy

Yes, I will!  I hope the 'important matter' is resolved.  But no matter what I will support you 110%

Hugs always
Sarah B
@ChrissyRyan

Not gonna lie, I'm massively in love with your hair. <3

Hi Everyone

Sephirah you said:

Quote from: Sephirah on December 28, 2024, 06:14:38 PMNot gonna lie, I'm massively in love with your hair. <3

Well you can play with my hair, like Plaiting, French Twist, Simple Pony Tail, Classic Bun (my mum liked this), Half up Half Down, French Braid (this one too), Messy Bun or Just let it hang out.

I enjoyed doing my mums hair, when she was not able to do it.  She had much longer hair than I did and in the morning I would comb it, plait it and then put it into a bun if she so wished.  I then said good morning to her, then kissed her on the cheek, when I had finished doing her hair.  I miss her so much, sob.

Chrissy, do I play with my hair or what?  Yes, it's always up or down constantly and pushing loose strands behind my ears.

I love my hair too!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Sephirah @ChrissyRyan

Chrissy, do I play with my hair or what?  Yes, it's always up or down constantly and pushing loose strands behind my ears.


Sounds like this may be fidgeting, simply getting your hair out of the way, or maybe playing.

Personally, I like it sometimes more when someone else plays with my hair or nuzzles it than me playing with it, but I do play with it from time to time.  When I notice that I am doing that more than usual, sometimes I make a mention of that in my "Do you play with your hair" thread.

It is not something I analyze though!

Chrissy

Happy New Year dear, by the time you read this it will be as your in the future!

It is the new year already in some parts of the world, wow.

Happy new year!


Chrissy

Quote from: Sarah B on December 30, 2024, 09:37:32 AMHi Everyone

Sephirah you said:

Well you can play with my hair, like Plaiting, French Twist, Simple Pony Tail, Classic Bun (my mum liked this), Half up Half Down, French Braid (this one too), Messy Bun or Just let it hang out.

I enjoyed doing my mums hair, when she was not able to do it.  She had much longer hair than I did and in the morning I would comb it, plait it and then put it into a bun if she so wished.  I then said good morning to her, then kissed her on the cheek, when I had finished doing her hair.  I miss her so much, sob.

Chrissy, do I play with my hair or what?  Yes, it's always up or down constantly and pushing loose strands behind my ears.

I love my hair too!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Sephirah @ChrissyRyan

Yeah I would totally play with your hair. :P <3 You'd have pigtails before you could say "WTF are you doing, girl!?" Hugely anime pigtails. ;D

Mine is down to my... ahem... posterior? Yeah that's the ladylike word for it. Takes me a good 45 minutes to apply all the "Stuff" to it, and get it just so. But it's like my one crowning achievement, so it's worth it! :P That and pink hair dye, lol.

Hi Sephirah

You said:

Quote from: Sephirah on January 04, 2025, 03:21:19 PMYeah I would totally play with your hair. :P <3 You'd have pigtails before you could say "WTF are you doing, girl!?" Hugely anime pigtails. ;D

Mine is down to my... ahem... posterior? Yeah that's the ladylike word for it. Takes me a good 45 minutes to apply all the "Stuff" to it, and get it just so. But it's like my one crowning achievement, so it's worth it! :P That and pink hair dye, lol.

You are so on girl!  I would so love for you to do; 'Half Up Half Down', 'Fish Braid' or 'French Braid Pigtails' on Me!

(https://i.imgur.com/K2PEemv.jpeg)

(https://i.imgur.com/Qs1TaFx.jpeg)

(https://i.imgur.com/TTQ9Llc.jpeg)

Is this you!?


This is so me!

My hair barely reaches my waist, I did not inherit by mum's long hair genes.  After swimming I rinse my hair out.  Then after I have changed into some day clothes and packed my swimming bag away I apply a little hair conditioner, then comb through and let it hang out to dry, oh wash with shampoo once a week.  So cool.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Sephirah

The third one of those pics. That's totally you, K <3 With your smile... it would be amazing.

That isn't me, no hahahahaha.

My hair is more this colour:


(https://image.shutterstock.com/image-photo/one-pink-liquorice-allsorts-candy-260nw-340349465.jpg)

Hi Sephirah

Yeah, you are right twin French Braid Pigtails.

Pink and Black?  I assume you have streaks of pink throughout your hair. 

I once had 3 colours put through my hair.  Maybe I will do it again soon, too many greys these days.

Hugs
Sarah B
@Sephirah

Quote from: Sarah B on January 05, 2025, 05:37:57 PMHi Sephirah

Yeah, you are right twin French Braid Pigtails.

Pink and Black?  I assume you have streaks of pink throughout your hair. 

I once had 3 colours put through my hair.  Maybe I will do it again soon, too many greys these days.

Hugs
Sarah B
@Sephirah

I do yes. I have pink highlights. My hair is the only thing really I have control over these days so I'm like "Time to pull out all the stops!". I don't care what anyone thinks. I'm way... WAY past caring. It makes me happy. And that's the whole point of life. I can't transition but I will damn well have pink and black hair! lol. :D Surprisingly, it's the thing people compliment me on most haha. ;D

Hi Everyone

In a previous post I mentioned four scenarios (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247190.msg2288440.html#msg2288440) and they were:

• Transgender and experiences gender dysphoria
• Transgender and does not experience gender dysphoria
• Not transgender and experiences gender dysphoria
• Not transgender and does not experience gender dysphoria (This is me)

It was mentioned that:

If you have gender dysphoria, then by definition, you are transgender. (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247190.msg2288420.html#msg2288420)

and

But #3 above is not possible. You cannot have gender dysphoria and not be transgender. (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247190.msg2288448.html#msg2288448)

This led me to outline a paper that disagrees with the two statements made by Lori.  I acknowledge that the term 'transgender' is widely used to describe individuals whose gender identity differs from their sex assigned at birth.  However, Lori, I respectfully disagree with the assertion that Scenario 3, where someone experiences gender dysphoria (GD) but does not identify as transgender, is impossible.

The following is that paper.

---

Introduction

This paper explores the possibility of Scenario 3, where individuals experience gender dysphoria (GD) without identifying as transgender. Through historical examples, medical frameworks, and societal perspectives, it highlights the differences between identity labels and clinical conditions. By examining key concepts and case studies, the discussion aims to foster a deeper understanding of gender diversity while emphasizing personal autonomy and the importance of evolving language in gender discourse.

Transgender as a Label
The term "transgender" is a label used to describe individuals whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth.  It is not a medical condition but rather a self defined term reflecting personal and social understanding of gender identity [1][3].

The term "transgender" emerged in the mid 20th century and gained prominence in the 1990s as a broad, inclusive label for diverse gender experiences.  According to Stryker (2008), it evolved as a political and social term to unify various gender identities under one umbrella [2].  Historical and cultural shifts significantly influenced the term's adoption, broadening its application over time to encompass diverse gender experiences.

However, during the 1970s and 1980s, "transgender" was not in widespread use and notable individuals like Renée Richards and Jan Morris, did not describe their experiences using this label [5][6].  Instead, they framed their actions as personal and medical rather than aligning with emerging identity based terms.

The term 'transgender' has faced criticisms as a universal descriptor due to its limitations. Valentine (2007) argues that the term's broadness and inconsistencies often fail to capture the nuanced experiences of those it seeks to describe. [6]  Similarly, Stryker (2008) emphasizes that 'transgender' has evolved more as a political and social category than a universal or definitive term for all individuals experiencing gender incongruence [2].

This diversity of perspectives underscores that rejecting the label "transgender" does not invalidate someone's experiences of GD or GID.  It highlights the need for autonomy in navigating identity labels and addressing medical or psychological experiences.

Gender Dysphoria as a Medical Condition
Gender Dysphoria is a clinical diagnosis defined by psychological distress resulting from a mismatch between one's gender identity and biological sex.  It is recognized as a medical condition in frameworks such as the DSM-5 and the WPATH Standards of Care [1][3].

Earlier frameworks, such as the DSM-IV, referred to Gender Identity Disorder (GID), emphasizing the clinical aspects of distress without associating it with identity labels.  The DSM-5 later transitioned to GD, aiming to reduce stigma while maintaining medical recognition of distress [3].

The medicalization of GD underscores its distinction from labels like "transgender." GD focuses on the psychological and emotional impacts of gender incongruence, while "transgender" remains a self defined term reflecting personal identity and social understanding [1][4].

Did Renée Richards and Jan Morris experience GD or GID?
Renée Richards and Jan Morris underwent gender affirming surgeries in 1975 and 1972, respectively, during a time when terms like "gender dysphoria" (GD) and "transgender" were not in widespread use. The clinical term Gender Identity Disorder (GID) first appeared in the DSM-III in 1980, later replaced by Gender Dysphoria (GD) in the DSM-5 in 2013 to reduce stigma while maintaining medical recognition.

Both Richards and Morris detailed their experiences in autobiographical books, with Richards publishing Second Serve in 1983 and Morris publishing Conundrum in 1974, providing personal insights into their journeys outside the frameworks commonly used today.  Neither explicitly described their experiences as GD or Gender Identity Disorder (GID), a diagnosis used in earlier frameworks

Instead, both framed their journeys as deeply personal and medical, focusing on alignment rather than distress.  Their narratives predate and exist outside modern frameworks of GD, demonstrating how personal identity and medical action can occur independently of such terminology.

Richards and Morris both emphasized authenticity over labels.  Renée Richards often described her surgery as a necessary medical correction rather than a matter of identity.  Similarly, Jan Morris focused on achieving personal completeness, framing her experience as one of self realization rather than psychological distress.

While Richards and Morris did not explicitly diagnose themselves with GD or GID, terminology that was not in common use during their lifetimes, their narratives provide compelling evidence of distress and symptoms consistent with these conditions as they are understood today.

Proving Scenario 3 is Possible
Scenario 3 proposes that someone can experience GD without identifying as transgender.  This is entirely plausible for several reasons:

• Historical Evidence Supports Distinctions Between Identity and Dysphoria:  Individuals like Richards and Morris pursued medical alignment without aligning with modern transgender identity frameworks.  Their personal narratives demonstrate that medical or psychological experiences are not inherently tied to identity labels [2][5][6].
  
  
• GD and Identity Labels Are Separate:  GD is defined by psychological distress from gender incongruence and is recognized as a medical condition.  Identifying as transgender is a personal and social decision.  The two are not dependent on each other [1][3].
  
  
• Cultural and Generational Influences on Identity Terms:  In earlier decades, many individuals who addressed gender incongruence did not use the term "transgender." Cultural, historical and personal factors significantly influence whether someone embraces such labels [4][5].
  
  
• Privacy and Autonomy Over Labels:  Not everyone experiencing GD wants to associate with identity based terminology.  Some choose medical or personal paths without engaging with broader identity categories associated with transgender individuals. [6]

Counterarguments
It can be argued that Scenario 3, where someone experiences gender dysphoria (GD) but does not identify as transgender, is unlikely or implausible in the current climate. Given the strong cultural and medical association of GD with the transgender identity, modern discourse often frames the two as inseparable. This association has deepened as the term "transgender" has become normalized as an umbrella term, leaving limited space for individuals to describe their gender experiences outside this framework.

Furthermore, social and medical systems have evolved to categorize gender related distress under the transgender label, reinforcing the connection. The advocacy and visibility of transgender communities have also shaped public understanding, often aligning narratives of GD with transgender identities. This leaves little room for individuals to frame their experiences in ways that diverge from these widely accepted norms.

Despite this, the validity of Scenario 3 rests on the autonomy of individual identity and the distinct nature of GD as a clinical condition. It is possible for individuals to experience and address gender incongruence without adopting the label "transgender," emphasizing the importance of respecting diverse perspectives and personal choices.

Conclusion
Scenario 3 highlights the medical and logical plausibility of experiencing gender dysphoria without identifying as transgender.  This distinction allows for greater nuance in understanding gender diversity and supports personal autonomy in navigating gender identity and medical conditions.

The historical context provided by individuals like Renée Richards and Jan Morris demonstrates that addressing gender incongruence does not necessitate adopting modern identity labels.  These examples show how personal and medical decisions can occur independently of broader social categories, affirming that labels are neither a requirement nor universally relevant.

Critics reveal that the term "transgender" is not universally applicable, highlighting the importance of personal autonomy in addressing gender experiences.  Recognizing that Scenario 3 is possible expands our understanding of gender diversity and demonstrates that individuals can address GD without relying on contemporary identity labels.

Bibliography
[1] American Psychiatric Association.  (2013).  Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).  Discusses clinical definitions of GD.
[2] Stryker, S.  (2008).  Transgender History.  Berkeley, CA: Seal Press.  Explores historical perspectives on transgender identity.
[3] World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH).  (2011).  Standards of Care Version 7.  Defines GD and its distinction from identity.
[4] Davy, Z., et al.  (2018).  "The gender dysphoria diagnosis and its implications for transgender health care." International Journal of Transgender....  Highlights flexibility in defining gender identity.
[5] Feinberg, L.  (1996).  Transgender Warriors: Making History from Joan of Arc to Dennis Rodman.  Explores variations in historical gender roles.
[6] Valentine, D.  (2007).  Imagining Transgender: An Ethnography of a Category.  Discusses debates and inconsistencies in defining transgender identity.

---

Take care everyone.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lori Dee

Good research, but I am not talking about "labels" or what people identify as. Everyone decides for themselves what they identify as.

I am talking about the experience of gender dysphoria in an individual. We currently call that experience "being transgender" for lack of a better term. We could easily call ourselves "gender dysphorics" instead of "transgender".

Any suggestions on what else we might call it? How do we refer to someone, or a group of people, who experience gender dysphoria if not using the label "transgender"?

I'm not picking a fight. I love you, Sarah. I'm just clarifying that what I meant was not about how people see themselves or labels that may or may not apply. I agree that the terminology has evolved over time. But for now, the definition of transgender is someone who experiences that incongruence to whatever degree. If you do not experience the incongruence, that is what we call cis-gender which is not transgender. I hope that clarifies what I meant.  :-*

Quote from: Sarah B on January 05, 2025, 06:47:29 AMHi Sephirah

You said:

You are so on girl!  I would so love for you to do; 'Half Up Half Down', 'Fish Braid' or 'French Braid Pigtails' on Me!

(https://i.imgur.com/K2PEemv.jpeg)

(https://i.imgur.com/Qs1TaFx.jpeg)

(https://i.imgur.com/TTQ9Llc.jpeg)

Is this you!?

(https://i.imgur.com/WQLg8Dk.jpeg)

Anime girl with pink pigtails.

This is so me!

My hair barely reaches my waist, I did not inherit by mum's long hair genes.  After swimming I rinse my hair out.  Then after I have changed into some day clothes and packed my swimming bag away I apply a little hair conditioner, then comb through and let it hang out to dry, oh wash with shampoo once a week.  So cool.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Sephirah

I would like to try out all of these hairstyles, except I would skip the total pink color.  As a highlight, yes, but not that exact shade or tint. 

However, these styles would only come about with a wig, unless I grew my hair out for a long while.

Chrissy

I must just say I did not have GD but my body needed to be female.

  I don't think one can transition without having "Gender Dysphoria", otherwise you would just stay the gender you were born with. Gender dysphoria is the distress one feels with their gender or not being comfortable with ones birth gender. That being said, after one expresses their 'true' gender, whether though surgeries or just dressing and acting as their desired gender the dysphoria abates or is reduced and one can be more comfortable in their own skin. Trans has many meanings depending on who you talk to. To me it is the act of change or the process of becoming your true gender. Others believe it means not being cis or born with your current gender. No matter the terminology being happy is paramount.  

Quote from: Gina P on January 15, 2025, 07:18:19 AMI don't think one can transition without having "Gender Dysphoria", otherwise you would just stay the gender you were born with. 

I kind of don't agree with this, honestly. I've seen too many people, not least here, transition and be very happy even though they didn't come from a place of dysphoria. I don't think you necessarily have to know the yin to appreciate the yang, as it were. And sometimes, the lack of dysphoria is a hurdle to people. Because they think it isn't real unless they come from a place of abject misery. It is a roadblock for them because they feel that they have to somehow be miserable in order to change their lives.

Which doesn't necessarily prove to be the case. It's different for everyone. And as you say, being happy where you are is the most important thing, not how you got there.

Quote from: Sephirah on January 17, 2025, 04:53:42 PMBecause they think it isn't real unless they come from aIt is a roadblock for them because they feel that they have to somehow be miserable in order to change their lives.

Which doesn't necessarily prove to be the case. It's different for everyone.

Yeah this, some people transition for gender euphoria instead of gender dysphoria.

Quote from: Lilis on January 17, 2025, 05:18:28 PMYeah this, some people transition for gender euphoria instead of gender dysphoria.

Mhm. What matters is where you're going, not necessarily where you came from. And today's world is much more open to that, thankfully. Choice is a powerful thing.

However, I forgot myself for a second.

How're you doing, Sarah? *big hugs* I'm in your blog, sittin' by your pool, eatin' all your shrimps. ;)

Sarah,


I will read your extra long post soon.  Looks interesting.


Chrissy

With regard to your essay, Sarah... I feel like a lot of the problems surrounding what you talk about.. they stem from the world at large vilifying trans people. I would suggest that there are a lot of people who suffer from Dysphoria but don't identify as trans purely because of the seeming war on "wokeness" the modern world has. So a good many people suffer in silence. People like Donald Trump, Nigel Farage, Vladimir Putin. These populist con men, having no idea of what people are dealing with... they scare people into hiding. Threaten and bluster and live in their own little bubble. You have probably thousands of people who feel trapped, smothered, but can't identify or accept themselves. That's your no #3 scenario.

The world needs to be rid of these people, and this rhetoric, before a lot of people come out of hiding. Where they feel safe.

Hi Everyone

A thread that has just come back to life, What are the physical sensations of not having your "you know what" down there? (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,198316.msg1763802.html#msg1763802)  I considered answering in the thread itself, however once I got started, I realized that it was too long and it was more important to put my feelings and experience here in my blog.  I have left a link in the original thread so that one can come here and read, what I have written.

---

Introduction
I have been living without what I once had down there for 34 years so long that I have forgotten what it felt like to have anything else.  As I look back on the journey I realize that my day to day life did not dramatically change from one moment to the next.  Still, I used to wonder about what it would be like not having what I once had occasionally.  My routine stayed consistent in many ways yet the peace and contentment I felt after my operation was something I will never forget.

Pre-Operation
Before I changed my life around there are a few things that might need mentioning regarding to my life at the time.  I sat on the toilet from the time I was about 18 so that part of my life never changed and before surgery I was always tucking whenever I was awake although I did not bother at night.

My clothing choices were mostly skirts which felt natural and comfortable so there was never much thought about what I wore including stockings and underwear.    At that time though I still wondered how it would feel not having anything there, yet that curiosity never seemed to resurface after I made the change in my life.

Post Operation
Waking up from surgery the second time I felt a rush of peace and contentment wash over me as though a constant fog in my mind had finally lifted as I drifted of back to sleep.  It was an experience I will never have again or forget.  There was a sense that nothing was really different in my daily routine after surgery other than the need to use protection while I healed.

I was back to work within two weeks so I did not dwell on the physical differences.  The only thing that concerned me early on was dilation and I remember feeling embarrassed that I did not fully know my own private parts yet.  A nurse that was assigned to me, if I needed help, along with a dear friend helped me figure it out which was embarrassing, mortifying and a relief.

My wardrobe did not change much.  I continued wearing skirts basically for work and I did not have to always wear two one piece bathing suits when I trained.  I loved that I could wear anything without worrying about what I once had or discomfort.  In the weeks following the operation I occasionally felt intense shooting pains which I later understood were just the nerves firing as they healed.  Sometimes my friends would notice I was in pain and ask why, so I would casually mention I'd had surgery of some sort.

I did wear jeans on rare occasions like when I went to TAFE for a year.  Those were a tight pair of jeans and I realized even then that I did not think about what was down there.  As the years passed I found that I forgot what it was like to have what I once had down there.  Spending time with my boyfriend took care of that.

It is rare for me to dream about it but when I do it is upsetting especially if I imagine the operation was partially done.  Day to day there is not much difference in how I move sit or feel physically though I love that I can become excited without it being visible to anyone else.

Intimate times bring waves of pleasure throughout my body.  My levels of arousal can vary.  I need something inside particularly when I am with a partner and other times I only need gentle contact.  These experiences bring a smile to my face and I feel a sense of contentment knowing that my outside matches who I am.  If I ever do reflect on the past and what I used to have I can feel a wave of nausea yet that thought is very rare.

Conclusion
Now 34 years later it is hard to recall life before my operation.  I have spent more than half my life post operation so it feels natural for me to live this way.  My body and mind have long since settled into this reality to the point that it seems I have always been this way.  I can wear what I choose enjoy intimacy without worry and live with a peaceful sense of self.  After all this time I can honestly say that I do not miss what was once there and I am grateful for the sense of wholeness I have experienced for most of my life.

---

Those are my thoughts and feelings in regards to this issue.  If you have any questions in regards to this then, I will answer them if I can.

Take care and I hope your dreams come true.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah:

Your special day and Birthday is arriving tomorrow on Friday, February 7th
                HOWEVER
because you live in Australia on the West side of the International Date Line
it is already tomorrow, so it is your Birthday right now, Friday afternoon 1:30pm

        Everyone one the Forum are wishing you a very, very
   H A P P Y  B I R T H D A Y
                            :icon_birthday:  :icon_birthday:  :icon_birthday:  :icon_birthday:

I hope that your "special" day plans include Cake, Candles, Ice Cream, and good times with loved ones.

                  On your February 7th birthday, check your profile for a special gift...
                                                                  (https://www.susans.org/Themes/default/images/cake.png)      (https://www.susans.org/Themes/default/images/cake.png)        (https://www.susans.org/Themes/default/images/cake.png)

HUGS and best wishes for a wonderful day.
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
                              (https://i.imgur.com/97U3FVyl.jpg)

Seriously?

That is so wild for a number of reasons.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN THE FUTURE!!, my favourite Aussie Shiela!

Happy Birthday, Sis!

In Australia do they use upside-down cakes for birthdays?  ;D

Big Birthday Hugs!

Quote from: Lori Dee on February 06, 2025, 09:34:16 PMHappy Birthday, Sis!

In Australia do they use upside-down cakes for birthdays?  ;D

Big Birthday Hugs!

They do fairy bread. Which is both disgusting and adorable.

(https://th.bing.com/th/id/OIP.meiTheCcCG8ZvLHs36XLrAHaLH?rs=1&pid=ImgDetMain)

Happy birthday Sarah!

Chrissy

Hi Danielle

Thank you Danielle for your birthday wishes, they have certainly made my day.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Northern Star Girl

Hi Lori

Thank you Lori for your birthday wishes, they have certainly made my day.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lori Dee

Hi Chrissy

Thank you Chrissy for your birthday wishes, they have certainly made my day.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@ChrissyRyan

Hi Sephirah

Thank you Sephirah for your birthday wishes, they have certainly made my day.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Sephirah

Hi Everyone

Yes Seriously

Now you know why February is such a prominent month of the year for me.

Feb 1959 I was born
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones. (so close to February, it could have been February, seriously)
Feb 1991 Surgery.

As for Fairy Bread it's is too crunchy and tasteless to eat, Sephirah.

Everything is upside down from your perspective Lori, so yes the cakes are upside down.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Sephirah @Lori Dee @Northern Star Girl @ChrissyRyan

Missed this so happy belated birthday my dear XX Feb for the start of my trip as well .

Hi Davina

Thank you Davina for your birthday wishes.  You are not late as I have another 4 hours my time before the day ends.  Remember I'm in the future. 

I'm puzzled what do you mean by "XX Feb for the start of my trip as well"?

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@davina61

That was XX. Typo It was Feb when I started my new me.

Happy Birthday, Sarah! 🎂🎈🎉

Hi Lilis

Thank you Lilis for your birthday wishes, they have certainly made me happy.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lilis

Hi Everyone

The following is from a thread called Denial Beard (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,250397.msg2295583.html#msg2295583), where I add more detail about what happened to me in this area.

I was lucky in the sense I really did not have much body hair as a result of puberty.  I have the sense my puberty was delayed in some way.  I know that around 18 or 19 my facial hair started to come through.  I had one or two hairs on my chest, mainly in the breast area, nothing on my back and hairs on my arms and legs, nothing that was excessive.  So from these vague memories, I realized that testosterone did not fully create havoc with my body and I was lucky.

My facial hair was normal, not too thin or thick and I never grew a beard.  There was a period when I had a moustache.  When I did grow one, I do not remember when, maybe around the mid 80's.  It almost certainly was after reading an article on transsexuals and I have a distinct memory of this being a way to disguise my true self, or in my case, myself.

In December 1987, I certainly removed it.  This was the time when Sarah first ventured out into the wide blue yonder.  The reality was that I was hiding the truth of who I really was.  While the exact reasons for these actions are now hazy, I believe they were driven by an unconscious desire to be female and when I did think about it, I realized I longed to be female.

At some point, I started waxing my face.  While I'm not sure exactly when I began, I know it was sometime in 1988 and definitely before February 1989.  I guess it was an outgrowth towards becoming more feminine, not that I realized what I was doing at the time.  I continued waxing my face after February 1989 and I included electrolysis as well, until I no longer had facial hair.  Which occurred about a year and a half later.

I disliked shaving and when I had to shave I seemed to be removed from the process.  Women typically don't have facial hair and I certainly took care of that problem.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator

Hi Everyone

The following is from a thread called Did you ever question WHY you are transgender? (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,250649.msg2298532.html#msg2298532), where I add more detail about what happened to me in this area.

Introduction
I'm not transgender, never have been and never will be.  Why?

I have always been a female.  I found this out when I joined Susan's in 2010 at the age of 51.

For just over 20 years I was living my life without realizing that I was female.  Yes it is ironic, there I was working and living as female and I really did not know that I was female if that makes sense.  Yes when I had to fill in forms during that period I tick the sex or gender box as female and that was the extent of my knowledge of being female.

I grew up never knowing who I truly was.  The only stark thing that really stood out was I wanted to be a female and thoughts that aligned with being female.  I changed my life around in February 1989, because I wanted to live my life as a female and I guess subconsciously I wanted my body to truly reflect who I was without realizing what I was doing.

Nothing I did in regards to this ever caused me distress or any dysphoria of any kind.  In addition I chose privacy over public declaration of who I was and have always remained true to that aspect of my life.

I was on Susan's 15 years ago and I was working on the Wiki and papers or biological discussion were mentioned in how the brain was being affected.  I read that the research often pointed to the way hormones in the womb might condition the brain to develop in a way that does not necessarily match the body.  Whether it is a gene switch or a resistance to testosterone, this confirms that nature is responsible.  I never asked myself 'why' because there is nothing that can be done about it and I like my life unconditionally.

Transgender as a Label
The term "transgender" is a label used to describe individuals whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth.  It is not a medical condition but rather a self defined term reflecting personal and social understanding of gender identity [1][3].

The term "transgender" emerged in the mid 20th century and gained prominence in the 1990s as a broad, inclusive label for diverse gender experiences.  According to Stryker (2008) it evolved as a political and social term to unify various gender identities under one umbrella [2].  Historical and cultural shifts significantly influenced the term's adoption, broadening its application over time to encompass diverse gender experiences.

However, during the 1970s and 1980s "transgender" was not in widespread use and notable individuals like Renée Richards and Jan Morris did not describe their experiences using this label [5][6].  Instead they framed their actions as personal and medical rather than aligning with emerging identity based terms.

The term "transgender" has faced criticisms as a universal descriptor due to its limitations.  Valentine (2007) argues that the term's broadness and inconsistencies often fail to capture the nuanced experiences of those it seeks to describe [6] and similarly Stryker (2008) emphasizes that "transgender" has evolved more as a political and social category than a universal or definitive term for all individuals experiencing gender incongruence [2].

This diversity of perspectives underscores that rejecting the label "transgender" does not invalidate someone's experiences of GD or GID.  It highlights the need for autonomy in navigating identity labels and addressing medical or psychological experiences.

Labels can become tools for belittling individuals by reducing complex identities to a single, superficial trait. Just as derogatory nicknames like; "4 eyes", "carrot top" or "sissy", were once used to demean someone based solely on appearance, the "trans" label or variations can sometimes be deployed in a similar way to simplify and undermine a person's full identity.

Gender Dysphoria as a Medical Condition
Gender Dysphoria is a clinical diagnosis defined by psychological distress resulting from a mismatch between one's gender identity and biological sex.  It is recognized as a medical condition in frameworks such as the DSM-5 and the WPATH Standards of Care [1][3].

Earlier frameworks, such as the DSM-IV, referred to Gender Identity Disorder (GID) emphasizing the clinical aspects of distress without associating it with identity labels.  The DSM-5 later transitioned to GD aiming to reduce stigma while maintaining medical recognition of distress [3].

The medicalization of GD underscores its distinction from labels like "transgender." GD focuses on the psychological and emotional impacts of gender incongruence while "transgender" remains a self defined term reflecting personal identity and social understanding [1][4].

Research by Swaab and colleagues (2002) has shown that the human brain undergoes sexual differentiation in ways that may not always align perfectly with external genitalia [7].  Work by Bao and Swaab (2011) further supports the idea that prenatal hormone exposure plays a pivotal role in this process [8].  Similarly, research by Scott Kerlin, as cited on grad-mentor (website), supports the view that prenatal exposure to synthetic hormones such as DES may significantly influence brain development and contribute to gender incongruence [9].

My Personal Journey
I have never embraced the transgender label because my identity has always been clear.  When I joined Susan's and I realised I have always been female.  The question remained as to why and how this "happened to me".  The how is generally explained along the lines as Lori mentioned.  As to the why aspect, it is just how things eventuate.  In other words nature played its hand, no matter how it occurred.  Kathy also mentions the external influence of DES.

I asked my mum twice about this particular issue, but she said it was not DES, but she said that she took the thalidomide drug.  Which in a sense does not make sense to me unless I research this issue further.  However no matter what caused my condition, I don't care.  As the saying goes "a female brain in male body" comes to mind.

In the 1980s I sometimes longed to be seen as female and read an article in a men's magazine that showed a man transferring over five figures into a female outline.  At the time I did not fully understand the term "transsexual" nor did I experience any dysphoria.  I grew up without the label "transgender" surrounding my life and without the confusion of too many definitions.  I simply wanted to be a woman.

In February 1989 I changed my life around, because I wanted to live my life as a female and I guess subconsciously I wanted my body to truly reflect who I was without realizing what I was doing. 
Nothing I did in regards to this ever caused me distress or any dysphoria.

Two years later I underwent surgery to align my body with what it should be in my mind "a female".  This being the classical definition of being a "Transsexual" I never questioned what I was doing.  My decision was never driven by a need to fulfil a label but rather by the simple desire to live my life as me.

I never really questioned why I was the way I am.  The research simply confirms that nature is responsible and I know there is nothing I can do about it.  Not that I want to change anything about me, I'm happy as I am.  I live my life as me unconditionally with out any labels.  Every part of my journey simply fits together as it was meant to be.

I continue to support community efforts behind the scenes through my involvement with Susan's Place and through teaching.  My personal privacy is paramount in regards to my medical condition and I respect those who choose public visibility.  But for me the label "transgender" remains irrelevant to my life.

Conclusion
The terms and debates surrounding labels do not affect my personal experience and I only use "trans" terms when I'm discussing those issues on Susan's and nowhere else.  I live my life quietly in a binary world as a female.  That has always been the case, will always be and that is all there is to it.

Bibliography
[1] American Psychiatric Association (2013). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5)
[2] Stryker, S. (2008). Transgender History. Berkeley CA: Seal Press
[3] World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) (2011). Standards of Care Version 7
[4] Davy, Z., et al. (2018). "The gender dysphoria diagnosis and its implications for transgender health care." International Journal of Transgender...
[5] Feinberg, L. (1996). Transgender Warriors: Making History from Joan of Arc to Dennis Rodman
[6] Valentine, D. (2007). Imagining Transgender: An Ethnography of a Category
[7] Swaab, D.F., Fliers, E., & Partiman, T.S. (2002). Sexual differentiation of the human brain: Relating structure to function. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 985, 68-84.
[8] Bao, A.-M. & Swaab, D.F. (2011). Sexual differentiation of the human brain: Relation to gender identity and transgender phenomena. Frontiers in Neuroendocrinology, 32(2), 214-226.
[9] Kerlin, S. (n.d.). [DES Research]. Retrieved from https://grad-mentor.com/des-research/

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator

Thanks, Sarah B, for the most informative post. I agree wholeheartedly that gender is 'nature' and not 'nurture,' whether genetic or congenital. In the 1960's, a fellow member of my high school's thespian club gave me a 'gender' test she had found in some magazine or textbook. Of course, she gave me the test 'blindly' (I had no idea what she was up to but we were friends and I trusted her). I was baffled by her giggling after she reviewed the results, but I didn't learn until decades later I had passed the test with flying colors: as a female. To her credit, as far as I know, she never shared the test results with anyone else. Otherwise, my life would have been difficult for a time living in a small town in the 1960's.

Sarah, you are you. You are an Aussie Sheila who enjoys swimming (which I massively envy), and are someone who is almost as big a nerd as I am.

That's all there has to be.

Love you, hon. <3

Sarah is really good at that stuff too. Putting the information together and explaining it so it makes sense. Oh, and swimming too.  ;D

Yeah she is. She is someone I admire because she chooses her words very carefully and deliberately. She is the embodiment of the quote: "A wise person speaks because they have something to say. A fool speaks because they have to say something."

<-- Fool. ;D