Hi Everyone I guess this post is one way of getting back into writing Sarah B's story. Once I start writing my fingers fly across the keyboard, speaking my mind. The following quote from one of Natalie's post, got me started and when I finished, I considered it was too long to put it in Natilie's Illiad. I did not want to overtake her blog so to speak. I will post a few lines in her blog. With a reference to this post for those who wish to read it in full. So without further ado:
Natalie said:
Quote from: NatalieRene on December 14, 2024, 09:54:30 PMI don't remember the exact date but towards the end of my 1 year of full time I had to get a second therapist in addition to my primary therapist. I got a reference from my therapist. I had to do this because to get SRS the surgeon required required from two therapists recommending the procedure. I also went up to Philadelphia to get my consultation with Dr. Sharman Leis. It was over $20,000. I remember wondering how the heck I would ever manage to save up that much money after checking and finding out my insurance covered none of the expense.
When it came time for my first visit to a psychiatrist, I dressed casually in a skirt, blouse, light makeup and my hair in a plait. I chose this look because it allowed me to present as female without issue and to convey to the psychiatrist that I was completely serious about my intentions. For my second visit, I wore a semi formal suit (power dressing), reflecting the way I typically dressed for work at the time.
After that, I don't specifically remember what I wore, but I went in as myself, regardless of the outfit. Even then, I would have gone through with surgery immediately if I could have, though I knew it was still far off.
My experience wasn't too different from yours. I had been seeing my first psychiatrist for at least a year when the subject of seeing a second psychiatrist came up. I believe I was the one who raised the topic, knowing that two letters of recommendation were required for surgery. My primary psychiatrist referred me to a second psychiatrist and after just three visits, I received my first surgery letter in May 1990.
This was about 16 months into my journey. Around the same time and unbeknownst to me, my endocrinologist also wrote a surgery letter, which became my second. After meeting with the second psychiatrist, I asked my first psychiatrist if he could write my surgery letter. I was worried he might refuse and I was ready to seek out another psychiatrist if necessary.
Thankfully, I didn't have to go down that road. He agreed to write to my surgeon, confirming I was a suitable candidate for SRS. Looking back, this moment reveals how determined I was to have the surgery. I would have found another option if he had said no.
Once I had the two required letters, I asked if I could have surgery immediately. My psychiatrist said no, as I was only 16 months into living full time and the surgery required a minimum of two years. Surgery ended up being nine months away. Knowing I had the letters and a date had been set for my surgery the waiting was bearable and I knew the time would fly by.
Although I rarely thought about surgery in a detailed way, I knew I wanted it badly and just wanted to move forward with my life. At the time, I didn't fully understand the depth of my determination. Interestingly, it must be said that through out the two years and before I changed my life around. I was not dysphoric, either in body or mind.
As the surgery date approached, I encountered one last hurdle: money. I called my psychiatrist in tears, explaining that the funds hadn't come through. I was borrowing $5,000 against a property I owned and had another $5,000 saved. Surgery costing $10,000. Looking back, I realize how desperate I was to have the surgery. At that moment, I didn't know what else to do.
Fortunately, luck was with me and the loan from the bank came through. Of all the things that I had done up and till this stage I had no problems. The last hurdle paying for the operation nearly got me unstuck, because I had not planned this part very well.
In the end, the hurdles I faced, whether emotional, logistical or financial, only strengthened my resolve. The journey to surgery was not just about the letters, consultations or saving the money. It was about living my life as a female that I always longed for and ultimately knowing that I had always been. Every step, from changing my clothes to navigating the medical and obtaining my documents, reinforced that this path was mine to walk.
Take care everyone and I hope all your dreams come true.
Best Wishes AlwaysSarah BGlobal Moderator@NatalieRene
