Susan's Place Transgender Resources

This is gonna be my life story. I'm not a transgender, just a parent of a trangender child (left photo was taken 5 years ago, before the transition, and the right in this summer), and now I'm being persecuted by the country I live in, the court wants to terminate my parental rights. The logical question is what am I and my child doing in such a country? All things was different 2.5 years ago, there were legal ways to change a gender but all was changed after the war. Now I can't to cross the bourder even if my daughter will be look as a boy again until the administrative case against me is not closed and it could end up taking my baby away from me. There's nothing else to do but pray. If something happens to me, I'm gonna leave a "footprint" here at least. I found this forum by accident and I wish to stay here among people who understand me. If I do something wrong in this thread, I will apologize and understand, I'm always resilient in defeat. Believing in the best, preparing for the worst. I'm rejected, hated, lonely and desperate.

@CaringWhisper
CaringWhisper:
I think it is wonderful that you started your own personal Blog Thread.  Just writing details out like you have is not only a good recap for your readers and followers but it also can be good personal therapy for you as well. 

As you might already be aware, I have my personal Blog Thread here on the Forum but I also keep an "old-school" pen & paper journal at home complete with colorful doodling and appropriate snapshot photos.  I have kept a personal journal since I was in Junior High School... we called them "Diaries" back then.
I find that when I have difficult issues that I am working through that writing down my thoughts helps me to ponder and to formulate positive solutions.    When things are going well, I certainly write about those things as well.

As your Blog thread develops more regular readers and followers you can expect joyful and congratulatory responses to your good news and when your news is not-so-good, you will find your readers and followers offering their ears to listen and their shoulders for you to lean on.

On cold and rainy nights when I am staying in, I often find myself in my comfy chair in front of my fireplace thumbing through and reviewing my journals, that is when I can gain insights as to what I need to do to overcome future difficulties and to see how to avoid future problems....  I can spend hours just reminiscing about my past life events.... sometimes with tears in my eyes.

I will be eagerly following your new Blog Thread, and please, if you will, continue to keep it updated as you feel comfortable doing. 
Your new Blog Thread will be in essence your HOME here on the Forum where your readers and followers can find you and leave their comments and thoughts.
Here on the forums you will certainly come across many like-minded members here, some can become very good friends as you share your thoughts with one-another on the various threads around the Forums but also in Personal Message exchanges.

Thank you for starting and posting your new personal Blog thread....
...you will find it quite beneficial to yourself and perhaps it will provide help and encouragement to others that read it.

HUGS and well wishes,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator

Quote from: CaringWhisper on September 18, 2024, 12:00:07 PMI wish to stay here among people who understand me. If I do something wrong in this thread, I will apologize and understand, I'm always resilient in defeat. Believing in the best, preparing for the worst. I'm rejected, hated, lonely and desperate.

There are places in the world where people have a very difficult time just being people. It is sad and hopefully, things will change for the better.

I have no doubts that you are a good mom, recognizing the needs of your child and being there with care and understanding. The proof is in that little girl's smile.

Good luck on your journey. We support you.

Hugs!

Lori Dee

CaringWhisper, here you are welcome, loved, and among friends. Don't worry about doing something 'wrong' here, the moderators and admins are usually quite gentle with their corrections. I think all of us have broken the rules on occasion.

What you and your daughter are going though is heartbreaking. I hope you are able to hold out until a better regime comes into power, or until you can get to a safer place. We are here for you if you ever need to talk.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

I am so sorry that you and your child are having to suffer like that.  I pray that things get better for you both and others in a similar situation.

Thank you for the kind words, it helps me a lot. Today was very cold in the morning. It's time to work, I'm very happy that I love my job and this beauty salon belongs to me by 50 percent. Yes, it may look unassuming because it is essentially a converted apartment on the 1st floor of a residential building but it already become my 2nd home. Because of the difficulty of the language barrier I can call myself as a beauty maker. Since childhood, I have loved the beauty embedded in aesthetics and elegance and can't tolerate any kind of vulgarity.

It must be so challenging to be a parent of a transgender child.  It must be challenging to be a transgender child.

I wish the best for you two. 

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on September 19, 2024, 04:59:09 AMIt must be challenging to be a transgender child.

I'm trying to do everything I can to keep my daughter's mind off the difficulties but I can't to defeat society.
In the summer we grow our hair, wear dresses, and by fall we dress in unisex style because of school - she don't like it and I'm happy with that. But still, I have a strong sense of guilt.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on September 19, 2024, 04:59:09 AMI wish the best for you two. 
Chrissy

Thank you Chrissy, I wish the same to you.

It's very sunny today, we have a term that can be translated literally as a grannys summer - warm days in the fall when old ladies can come out and sit on the benches. Today I decided to draw all colors, all shades that the human eye can see, I'll post the result in the hobby section. In bad news, the court demanded hard copies of all electronic documents, this was done specifically on friday so that I would have less days to collect as all officials are on vacation on the weekend, I'll start that on monday... By the way, does anyone want to video chat with me? Just for fun and to improve my english, looking for random strangers I don't want to.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on September 20, 2024, 02:59:25 AMBy the way, does anyone want to video chat with me? Just for fun and to improve my english,

You could check out our Discord channel. I'm unfamiliar with what Discord has available, but there are always many people there. If voice chat is unavailable, maybe one of our members there has their own way of doing that for video chat. It's worth a try.

Go to our Home page and scroll down to the bottom. You will see a section of who is online and a link to our Discord server. Hope this helps.

Quote from: Lori Dee on September 20, 2024, 08:35:50 AMYou could check out our Discord channel.

I was there, TheOccupant asked me what brought me to this channel and at this moment I realized that I had nothing to say. The Discord channel is a more private community where I'm an outsider because I'm not a transgender.

Urban life makes us think more about nature - nature paintings, films about country life are always popular among the people trapped in megacities. At night, when there's less noise I hear the city whispering to me about nature, talking through the sounds of birds and the rustling of falling leaves in the city alleys. I want to spend all night in a tent again, shivering at every sound of the forest like in a childhood.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on September 26, 2024, 11:29:28 AMI was there, TheOccupant asked me what brought me to this channel and at this moment I realized that I had nothing to say. The Discord channel is a more private community where I'm an outsider because I'm not a transgender.

Urban life makes us think more about nature - nature paintings, films about country life are always popular among the people trapped in megacities. At night, when there's less noise I hear the city whispering to me about nature, talking through the sounds of birds and the rustling of falling leaves in the city alleys. I want to spend all night in a tent again, shivering at every sound of the forest like in a childhood.

You are never an outsider. You are an ally, so you are always welcome. You, like other Significant Others, might be outnumbered, but you are no less welcome.

I am a big fan of Nature myself and spend every opportunity in the forest. Partly because I am gold prospecting or rock-hounding, but mostly because I love it.

I was "in-between" apartments this past summer. I left my old apartment when my lease expired but my new apartment was still under construction. So I went tent camping in the forest for six weeks. It was unbearably hot, so I moved my campsite to higher elevations. It was cooler during the day, but the nights were quite cold. We got hit by a strong hail storm, and although I was camped and parked my Jeep under the trees, two large hail stones ripped holes in my tent.

No regrets, I still loved being out and took many photos of flowers and butterflies and squirrels. I have a photo album at: Homeless (Camping) July 2023 (https://imgur.com/a/homeless-camping-july-2023-jFbIv6c)

My new apartment was finished on August 1 and I was the first tenant to move in on August 14th. I look forward to doing it again, except I prefer having a home to go back to.  ;D

Quote from: Lori Dee on September 26, 2024, 11:53:06 AMYou are never an outsider. You are an ally, so you are always welcome. You, like other Significant Others, might be outnumbered, but you are no less welcome.

I am a big fan of Nature myself and spend every opportunity in the forest. Partly because I am gold prospecting or rock-hounding, but mostly because I love it.

I was "in-between" apartments this past summer. I left my old apartment when my lease expired but my new apartment was still under construction. So I went tent camping in the forest for six weeks. It was unbearably hot, so I moved my campsite to higher elevations. It was cooler during the day, but the nights were quite cold. We got hit by a strong hail storm, and although I was camped and parked my Jeep under the trees, two large hail stones ripped holes in my tent.

No regrets, I still loved being out and took many photos of flowers and butterflies and squirrels. I have a photo album at: Homeless (Camping) July 2023 (https://imgur.com/a/homeless-camping-july-2023-jFbIv6c)

My new apartment was finished on August 1 and I was the first tenant to move in on August 14th. I look forward to doing it again, except I prefer having a home to go back to.  ;D

I have read your site in my very first few days on the site, a mystic from the Black Hills of South Dakota, I respect you for your hard work, I'd love to visit your place, but unfortunately we will never meet in person (in this life at least). The photos are great by the way.

Chocolate shop in my city. It's gonna hurt to eat all of this stuff.

Thank you for sharing. Those are wonderful. I really love the tea set!

Quote from: CaringWhisper on September 26, 2024, 11:29:28 AMI was there, TheOccupant asked me what brought me to this channel and at this moment I realized that I had nothing to say. The Discord channel is a more private community where I'm an outsider because I'm not a transgender.

Urban life makes us think more about nature - nature paintings, films about country life are always popular among the people trapped in megacities. At night, when there's less noise I hear the city whispering to me about nature, talking through the sounds of birds and the rustling of falling leaves in the city alleys. I want to spend all night in a tent again, shivering at every sound of the forest like in a childhood.

I have only been on Discord once. I am transgender but I still felt like an outsider, as I felt that i was just listening in halfway through conversations and didn't really know what was going on. Navigating the site seemed more complicated than on this forum. I think that if I keep at it I could make more sense of Discord and add my pennyworth to the conversation. 

You could certainly make a valuable contribution, being the mother of a transgender child in difficult circumstances. 

I am also a city dweller who misses nature.  I relieve the yearning by having horns and antlers on my walls, which has a spiritual effect on me. 

Quote from: Lori Dee on September 27, 2024, 08:32:50 AMThank you for sharing. Those are wonderful. I really love the tea set!

I plan to buy a chocolate Christmas tree in this year, it's usually show up around december.

Quote from: MaryT on September 27, 2024, 10:02:02 AMI have only been on Discord once. I am transgender but I still felt like an outsider, as I felt that i was just listening in halfway through conversations and didn't really know what was going on. Navigating the site seemed more complicated than on this forum. I think that if I keep at it I could make more sense of Discord and add my pennyworth to the conversation. 

You could certainly make a valuable contribution, being the mother of a transgender child in difficult circumstances. 

I am also a city dweller who misses nature.  I relieve the yearning by having horns and antlers on my walls, which has a spiritual effect on me.

I had good facial in high school, but somehow I wasn't interested in socializing with my classmates. There was always an autumn in my soul, I was not enough of the simple joys around me, I always wanted something more. I feel like I was born this way by nature, the eternal search for something more sets me apart from the rest. My favorite time of year is the fall, my favorite time of day is night. When I was a girl I liked to just walk the streets in the morning and watch people, I used to skip classes very often. I liked to just walk and not think about anything.

What is the harsh truth about me? I'm here because of my selfishness. Everything that's happening to my daughter right now is my fault. I should have planned it out from the beginning and not started the transition before the relocation. I only came to this forum because I was looking for a place where no one would judge me, it's the easiest way, trying to find excuses for my own mistakes. And that's why I felt ashamed, I couldn't answer anything to @TheOccupant and silently walked away. Maybe I had no right to start the transition, and the idea that I have a better sense of my child is false, I felt it because I wanted to feel it, not because it was real. But what's done is done.

I understand your feelings, human nature is always the same only the trappings change. And I also understand the feelings of an outcast because I'm being bullied. Do you know what the very first heartbreak of my life was? There's no such thing as justice in this world because everyone has a different understanding of justice.

I don't want to drive myself into pessimism, I'm slowly climbing out of my decadent thoughts. I don't want to cry, I wanna to enjoy life. Drawing and listening to music helps me get out of a stressful situation. I have a great life, there are people much less lucky than me, I want to help others, I feel a strong sense of empathy for humanity.

Thank you for sharing.
You are among friends here.

HUGS!

@CaringWhisper
You have my full attention... CHOCOLATE !

When you finally obtain your Chocolate Christmas Tree, please be certain
to post a picture...... 

I like the idea of a chocolate Christmas Tree....  when Christmas is over
the best way to dispose of the tree is to eat it!!!  A Christmas gift
to yourself that you can enjoy !!!

Thank you for sharing and posting here on the Forum about your life, your daughter,
and certainly your sharing of your artwork.

HUGS and my best wishes to you.
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator

Quote from: CaringWhisper on September 27, 2024, 12:05:38 PMWhat is the harsh truth about me? I'm here because of my selfishness. Everything that's happening to my daughter right now is my fault. I should have planned it out from the beginning and not started the transition before the relocation. I only came to this forum because I was looking for a place where no one would judge me, it's the easiest way, trying to find excuses for my own mistakes.

You can only do what you think best based on the information you have available at the time. We all get things wrong, but mistakes are useful if you use them to learn.

Think how much the support you are giving is helping your child now, and remember how much of the support you can give is only working because of experience you learned from in the past.

You sound fantastic. The most important help a parent can give is being understanding and helping children understand we must compromise sometimes in order to get what we want. You are doing that so well when so many parents do not do it at all.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on September 27, 2024, 12:05:38 PMWhat is the harsh truth about me? I'm here because of my selfishness. Everything that's happening to my daughter right now is my fault. I should have planned it out from the beginning and not started the transition before the relocation. I only came to this forum because I was looking for a place where no one would judge me, it's the easiest way, trying to find excuses for my own mistakes. And that's why I felt ashamed, I couldn't answer anything to @TheOccupant and silently walked away. Maybe I had no right to start the transition, and the idea that I have a better sense of my child is false, I felt it because I wanted to feel it, not because it was real. But what's done is done.

I understand your feelings, human nature is always the same only the trappings change. And I also understand the feelings of an outcast because I'm being bullied. Do you know what the very first heartbreak of my life was? There's no such thing as justice in this world because everyone has a different understanding of justice.

I don't want to drive myself into pessimism, I'm slowly climbing out of my decadent thoughts. I don't want to cry, I wanna to enjoy life. Drawing and listening to music helps me get out of a stressful situation. I have a great life, there are people much less lucky than me, I want to help others, I feel a strong sense of empathy for humanity.

No, no.. a thousand times no. This isn't about you, Whisper. It isn't. You are here because you care what she is going through. You did not cause this, and it's not on you to atone for this. To feel somehow guilty because you brought this upon your daughter.

That will honestly eat you up inside if you let it, honey. It will consume you if you let it. No, please don't feel this way. It is not the responsibility of the parent if a child is trans. It isn't. You could do no more to prevent this or encourage this than anyone else.

And... I can picture what you're feeling, and how it is tearing you apart because you feel like you should have done more. As a parent.

No. Honey, if I can offer you some advice I wish my parents had gotten... it's.. let your child(ren) come to you. Let them find their feet and if they stumble... be there for them. That's all you can do. Don't ever blame yourself that you did not do enough, okay? You are here. You are understanding what people go through. That's more than most parents these days do.

The harsh truth about you is that you love your family so much that you think nothing you do will ever be enough. And... that's as hard on you as it is on anyone. <3

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on September 27, 2024, 01:47:02 PM@CaringWhisper
You have my full attention... CHOCOLATE !
I like the idea of a chocolate Christmas Tree....  when Christmas is over
the best way to dispose of the tree is to eat it!!!  A Christmas gift
to yourself that you can enjoy !!!
HUGS and my best wishes to you.
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator

Yeah, of course, not life-size, of course. Last year's tree was the size of the mask in the first photo, with nuts representing toys.

I'm looking forward to the first snow, like an old friend.

Special tnaks for TanyaG and Sephirah, I'm a little sick right now, as soon as I feel better I will continue my blog and answer you in more detail.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on September 28, 2024, 10:13:17 PMI'm looking forward to the first snow, like an old friend.

With you 100%, although we rarely get snow in Britain anymore. Where have you been all my life? ;)

I hope you feel better really soon, honey. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on September 28, 2024, 10:35:36 PMWith you 100%, although we rarely get snow in Britain anymore. Where have you been all my life? ;)

I hope you feel better really soon, honey. <3

I'm close to Finland, where there is a lot of snow in the winter. Children jumping from the roofs of garages into deep snowdrifts. My most vivid childhood memory is lying in the snow and looking up at the starry night sky, I still remember it with tears in my eyes, it was so vivid and clear, and the rest of my memory became blurred.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on September 28, 2024, 10:43:16 PMI'm close to Finland, where there is a lot of snow in the winter. Children jumping from the roofs of garages into deep snowdrifts. My most vivid childhood memory is lying in the snow and looking up at the starry night sky, I still remember it with tears in my eyes, it was so vivid and clear, and the rest of my memory became blurred.

Damn, girl, you live in a magical, beautiful part of the world. Probably explains part of why you are the way you are. My favourite band, Nightwish, comes from Finland. That whole part of the world is so creative, full of stories, full of wonder. I think I get you now. You are very special. You and your family. <3 I would kill to live where you do. Not even kidding. Well... maybe lol. 😉

Quote from: Sephirah on September 28, 2024, 10:46:34 PMDamn, girl, you live in a magical, beautiful part of the world. Probably explains part of why you are the way you are. My favourite band, Nightwish, comes from Finland. That whole part of the world is so creative, full of stories, full of wonder. I think I get you now. You are very special. You and your family. <3 I would kill to live where you do. Not even kidding. Well... maybe lol. ;)

My favorite band is Agalloch, Agalloch - Falling Snow is the best song. I've been favoring classical music lately, though. No need to kill, I live near Karelia and it is a tourist place, there are a lot of houses that can be rented, although people come here primarily for fishing, they say there are some special fish, but I have never been interested. I can't watch a living thing being pierced with a hook without my heart aching, to me it's cruel. I've been trying to escape cruelty (male cruelty) all my life and I don't know where to run, cold places make human hearts cold, they need it for survival it scares me. Snow has its own sacrifice.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on September 28, 2024, 10:59:12 PMMy favorite band is Agalloch, Agalloch - Falling Snow is the best song. I've been favoring classical music lately, though. No need to kill, I live near Karelia and it is a tourist place, there are a lot of houses that can be rented, although people come here primarily for fishing, they say there are some special fish, but I have never been interested. I can't watch a living thing being pierced with a hook without my heart aching, to me it's cruel. I've been trying to escape cruelty (male cruelty) all my life and I don't know where to run, cold places make human hearts cold, they need it for survival it scares me. Snow has its own sacrifice.

You are someone very special. Someone gentle and kind. Someone who sees the beauty in all things. As I said in an earlier post, you have a crystalline beauty. Fragile and unique. Cold places also make people see the truth in survival. The truth of how brittle we are compared to the vast majesty of nature. How we do what we can to just live.

Honey... you don't need to run anymore. You just find your own beauty and your own strength and you stand up to it. Escape, sometimes, is realising you have it inside you to be better. To understand but not fall prey to something. Realise that you are worth more and that cruelty is the escape of the weak. You are not weak. I've been reading your posts and, your screen name is very apt. You are strong. Sometimes amid a hurricane of screaming hatred, we just need one caring whisper. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on September 28, 2024, 11:07:33 PMYou are someone very special. Someone gentle and kind. Someone who sees the beauty in all things. As I said in an earlier post, you have a crystalline beauty. Fragile and unique. Cold places also make people see the truth in survival. The truth of how brittle we are compared to the vast majesty of nature. How we do what we can to just live.

Honey... you don't need to run anymore. You just find your own beauty and your own strength and you stand up to it. Escape, sometimes, is realising you have it inside you to be better. To understand but not fall prey to something. Realise that you are worth more and that cruelty is the escape of the weak. You are not weak. I've been reading your posts and, your screen name is very apt. You are strong. Sometimes amid a hurricane of screaming hatred, we just need one caring whisper. <3

You know, I'm often afraid to get to know people better to avoid being disappointed in them. This applies to me as well, don't get any supernatural images of me, you can be disappointed in me too. I'm not perfect, I'm just trying to think through my actions and analyze my inner self, to find a cure for my eternal search for something. At the moment I am fleeing the war, unfortunately for now I can't physically cross the border due to restrictions, but when I can leave it will be with the hope that heaven will triumph over hell. If we talk about pipe dreams, my dream is to defeat death and pain. I don't know about my strength, I feel like a small splinter in the raging northern sea, I always ask myself the question, does anything depend on me?

I'm grateful for your words, they helped me.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on September 28, 2024, 11:21:36 PMYou know, I'm often afraid to get to know people better to avoid being disappointed in them.

I am very much the same. Or... disappointed in myself because people have an image of me that I can't live up to.

QuoteThis applies to me as well, don't get any supernatural images of me, you can be disappointed in me too. I'm not perfect, I'm just trying to think through my actions and analyze my inner self, to find a cure for my eternal search for something.

I only go on what you say here, sweetie. And no, I am not disappointed in you, and I don't think your daughter is, either. I think you are someone very brave to come here and try to understand what trans folks go through, when you aren't trans yourself. That is a big, huge, massive step. We don't get many cis people trying to understand because... to be frank, most folks think they know it all and it doesn't occur to them how anyone could be not like that. Most folks think they know it all and don't dare question. The fact that you're here at all is testament to who you are.

QuoteAt the moment I am fleeing the war, unfortunately for now I can't physically cross the border due to restrictions, but when I can leave it will be with the hope that heaven will triumph over hell. If we talk about pipe dreams, my dream is to defeat death and pain. I don't know about my strength, I feel like a small splinter in the raging northern sea, I always ask myself the question, does anything depend on me?

I'm grateful for your words, they helped me.

Yes people depend on you, honey. From everything you've said here, from how you are, I think the power of kindness, love, and good is already showing the way. For your child. You are the parent a lot of us wish we could have had in our lives and you should be so, so proud of that. You don't have to defeat pain, you just have to understand it... where it comes from... and offer guidance and understanding to someone who is coping with it. And, you do that. So... yes, you are important, you are making a difference, and I kind of wish I'd had you as a mum because you get it. You are extremely nurturing. That is something to be so, so proud of. I am proud of you and I thank you for being here, to try to get this whole trans thing. When so many people don't want to.

Thank you for being you. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on September 28, 2024, 11:32:22 PMI am very much the same. Or... disappointed in myself because people have an image of me that I can't live up to.

I only go on what you say here, sweetie. And no, I am not disappointed in you, and I don't think your daughter is, either. I think you are someone very brave to come here and try to understand what trans folks go through, when you aren't trans yourself. That is a big, huge, massive step. We don't get many cis people trying to understand because... to be frank, most folks think they know it all and it doesn't occur to them how anyone could be not like that. Most folks think they know it all and don't dare question. The fact that you're here at all is testament to who you are.

Yes people depend on you, honey. From everything you've said here, from how you are, I think the power of kindness, love, and good is already showing the way. For your child. You are the parent a lot of us wish we could have had in our lives and you should be so, so proud of that. You don't have to defeat pain, you just have to understand it... where it comes from... and offer guidance and understanding to someone who is coping with it. And, you do that. So... yes, you are important, you are making a difference, and I kind of wish I'd had you as a mum because you get it. You are extremely nurturing. That is something to be so, so proud of. I am proud of you and I thank you for being here, to try to get this whole trans thing. When so many people don't want to.

Thank you for being you. <3

You're embarrassing me. I don't usually like compliments, compliments from men are always as primitive as if they were cheap stuff off a conveyor belt. But on this forum it's different, it's all really from feelings. It's early morning for me and late night for you. It's time for me to care my face and all skin, then cook. Thank you for your words, it's a nice surprise that I'm getting so much attention.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on September 28, 2024, 11:43:14 PMI don't usually like compliments, compliments from men are always as primitive as if they were cheap stuff off a conveyor belt. But on this forum it's different, it's all really from feelings.

Maybe because we aren't men. And we aren't interested in complimenting other women for some ulterior motive. 😉 We are here to support. I mean some of the guys might be like that, lol. But that's kind of the point, and you're getting why this forum is different. Why trans folks are who they are. :)

What on earth are you cooking this early in the morning? If your answer isn't something to do with bacon... we may have to have words ;D

Quote from: Sephirah on September 28, 2024, 11:54:04 PMMaybe because we aren't men. And we aren't interested in complimenting other women for some ulterior motive. 😉 We are here to support. I mean some of the guys might be like that, lol. But that's kind of the point, and you're getting why this forum is different. Why trans folks are who they are. :)

What on earth are you cooking this early in the morning? If your answer isn't something to do with bacon... we may have to have words ;D

Of course, that's exactly what I meant my sweet Lady.

I use yogurt,  banana , honey and vanilla sugar for a dink. As a salad I use a carrot-apple salad with rolled oats and prunes. It takes me a while to write down the method of making it, my english skills are not good for it.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on September 29, 2024, 12:14:10 AMOf course, that's exactly what I meant my sweet Lady.

I use yogurt,  banana , honey and vanilla sugar for a dink. As a salad I use a carrot-apple salad with rolled oats and prunes. It takes me a while to write down the method of making it, my english skills are not good for it.

That sounds very... healthy. ;D

Also, your English skills are quite awesome. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on September 29, 2024, 12:16:07 AMThat sounds very... healthy. ;D

Also, your English skills are quite awesome. <3

Apple - 150 g, Carrot - 100 g, Prunes - 10 pieces (60 g), Flaked oats - 2 little spoons, Milk - 2 little spoons, Honey - 1 little spoon, Vegetable oil - very little. Place the oats in a skillet and stirring constantly, fry for about 3-4 minutes. Transfer the toasted rolled oats to a bowl. Set aside about 1/2 of the flakes to serve, and pour the rest over the milk and set aside for a while. Peel the carrots and grate them on a korean carrot grater. Cut the prunes into small pieces. In a deep bowl, combine the shredded carrots, apple and prunes. Drain the rest of the milk from the oats and send them to a bowl. Add honey and vegetable oil. I like this.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on September 29, 2024, 12:26:58 AMApple - 150 g, Carrot - 100 g, Prunes - 10 pieces (60 g), Flaked oats - 2 little spoons, Milk - 2 little spoons, Honey - 1 little spoon, Vegetable oil - very little. Place the oats in a skillet and stirring constantly, fry for about 3-4 minutes. Transfer the toasted rolled oats to a bowl. Set aside about 1/2 of the flakes to serve, and pour the rest over the milk and set aside for a while. Peel the carrots and grate them on a korean carrot grater. Cut the prunes into small pieces. In a deep bowl, combine the shredded carrots, apple and prunes. Drain the rest of the milk from the oats and send them to a bowl. Add honey and vegetable oil. I like this.

You could market that. It sounds like something people would eat for a boost of energy, without all that fake sugary nonsense. <3 Home cooking is best cooking.

CaringWhisper, I just saw where you live, so if you like I can tell you the story one of my relatives told me when I was in a bad place. It was about a walk she did which began 250 miles south of you. It ended in Berlin, many months later, in August 1945. After hearing it, I have thought differently about what troubles mean for the rest of my life.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on September 27, 2024, 12:05:38 PM...
What is the harsh truth about me? I'm here because of my selfishness. Everything that's happening to my daughter right now is my fault. I should have planned it out from the beginning and not started the transition before the relocation.
...

I don't see anything going wrong because of what you think is selfishness.  You are in a family situation that most parents don't have experience of dealing with, as well as living in a place where the authorities are less sympathetic to your situation than in some other countries. You sometimes cannot be sure what is the right thing to do in these circumstances, so you should not blame yourself if they don't turn out as you hoped.  You can only learn from experiences that most people do not have to go through.

Hello my dear friends. This thread was created as a cry for help, a beacon not to be lost unseen. You helped me a lot, I don't need any more pity for me, not need to to focus on my materinity, I plan to focus on  LGBTQIA+ community, on forum and on yours problems my friends, because I love and respect you. I don't want to be the eternal crybaby who only comes to be pitied, someone's no better off than I am. As for me and my daughter, even under the most unfavorable circumstances, we will still meet when she is an adult. You have helped me and I want to help you and the forum as much as I can.

Quote from: MaryT on September 29, 2024, 07:04:04 AMI don't see anything going wrong because of what you think is selfishness.

It's all in the mix. I've made a mistake and I came to the forum not because I'm feeling myself as a part of LGBTQIA+ community, but because I want to cry to people who won't judge me. I realize now that your society is better than any society I've ever been in, I love you friends and want not only to receive, but to give in return.

Quote from: TanyaG on September 29, 2024, 03:53:42 AMCaringWhisper, I just saw where you live, so if you like I can tell you the story one of my relatives told me when I was in a bad place. It was about a walk she did which began 250 miles south of you. It ended in Berlin, many months later, in August 1945. After hearing it, I have thought differently about what troubles mean for the rest of my life.

I have a rough idea what kind of story you want to tell. Please tell it. I realize there are always worse places to be than where we are right now.

Quote from: Sephirah on September 29, 2024, 12:29:00 AMYou could market that. It sounds like something people would eat for a boost of energy, without all that fake sugary nonsense. <3 Home cooking is best cooking.

I've always had trouble with marketing, no entrepreneurial spirit. I'm more about dreams and stars. You're right, my beautiful lady, home cooked food is the best. You are what you eat. Cooking is freedom of body and spirit, because the spirit is stronger in a healthy body.

It's very cold this morning, I'm freezing. My mood in a blue photo filter, I'm feeling a slight cold. The central heating has not been given yet, the first days of frost without heating are the most difficult.

I've chosen 2 songs for today:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c19eyB1jRNw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvGX7_w12Ss

Some news:
Google restricts creation of new accounts in Russia, news agencies report By Reuters
Sept 26 (Reuters) - Alphabet's (GOOGL.O), opens new tab Google has restricted the creation of new accounts for Russian users, state news agencies cited Russia's digital ministry as saying on Thursday.
"The ministry confirms that Google has restricted the creation of new accounts," Interfax quoted the digital ministry as saying. "Telecom operators have also recorded a significant reduction in the number of SMS messages sent by the company to Russian users."

It was quite expected, I was expecting it earlier. Google is leaving Russia. I'll adapt, it's no big deal. But everything has its advantages. If Google cannot sell my information to advertisers, it is not interested in me.

Love you ladies, your two freezing souls, far away.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on September 30, 2024, 12:20:08 AMI have a rough idea what kind of story you want to tell. Please tell it. I realize there are always worse places to be than where we are right now.

Like you, I had my shoulders hunched about what I expected to be a tale of hardship intended to make me feel my troubles were less than they were. But I listened because I always do. She skipped through most of her experience in a few sentences - a group of her female relatives (all the men were dead) walked to Berlin to try and escape their lives and her mother and two other close relatives died too along the way. When she made it through the lines she had become separated from the rest and she was assaulted by a soldier from her own side.

Which was where she began the story she wanted to tell me. It was that another soldier shot the one who was attacking her, took her to a refugee camp and left her there. A year later, she married that man and lived with him until she died many decades later in England. She told me, 'My mother said, I am doing this for you, never forget that'. My aunt never did forget that sacrifice because it allowed her to be who she wanted to be. The way she put it was that her mother gave her who she was, fertilising the ground beneath her feet so she could grow.

There were and are some strong women in my family and you sound like you would fit with them.

Quote from: TanyaG on September 30, 2024, 02:40:31 AMLike you, I had my shoulders hunched about what I expected to be a tale of hardship intended to make me feel my troubles were less than they were. But I listened because I always do. She skipped through most of her experience in a few sentences - a group of her female relatives (all the men were dead) walked to Berlin to try and escape their lives and her mother and two other close relatives died too along the way. When she made it through the lines she had become separated from the rest and she was assaulted by a soldier from her own side.

Which was where she began the story she wanted to tell me. It was that another soldier shot the one who was attacking her, took her to a refugee camp and left her there. A year later, she married that man and lived with him until she died many decades later in England. She told me, 'My mother said, I am doing this for you, never forget that'. My aunt never did forget that sacrifice because it allowed her to be who she wanted to be. The way she put it was that her mother gave her who she was, fertilising the ground beneath her feet so she could grow.

There were and are some strong women in my family and you sound like you would fit with them.

I understand you, the word "sacrifice" is familiar to my ear. For example, a diary of Tanya Savicheva, 11-year-old schoolgirl who died at the age of 14. Junky kid's handwriting, blue pencil, 42 lines. In blockaded Leningrad, cases of cannibalism were quite common, statistically, most of them were women. That's how they tried to feed their starving children. Tanya's mom fed her little sister with the flesh of her dead baby brother so that at least someone could survive. It is no longer just a metaphor, the direct meaning of sacrifice of the flesh for the sake of loved ones. In some moments, a woman becomes a biorobot, her maternal instinct pushing her to make any sacrifice to save her children.

The thing that makes me feel your daughter will do well is the determination of your fight to help her be who she wants to be and that you are prepared for it not to be an easy one. She will learn that strength and it will help to carry her through the rest of her life.

Quote from: TanyaG on September 30, 2024, 04:25:03 AMThe thing that makes me feel your daughter will do well is the determination of your fight to help her be who she wants to be and that you are prepared for it not to be an easy one. She will learn that strength and it will help to carry her through the rest of her life.

Thank you for believing in me, but I wouldn't repeat the word "strength" too often. By repeating emotional words you burn out early, and at the right moment you may not have the energy to do the important thing. I don't know if I'll be able to self-sacrifice, or if I'll fall to my knees and cry silently in helplessness. No one knows, heroism comes out unexpectedly when people find a force which was unknown to them before.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on September 30, 2024, 04:52:12 AMThank you for believing in me, but I wouldn't repeat the word "strength" too often. By repeating emotional words you burn out early, and at the right moment you may not have the energy to do the important thing. I don't know if I'll be able to self-sacrifice, or if I'll fall to my knees and cry silently in helplessness. No one knows, heroism comes out unexpectedly when people find a force which was unknown to them before.

To be fair, honey, you've already done this. I won't say any more than that.

Strength isn't one giant act of Herculean magnitude. It's a constant defiance against a world you want to avoid.

I know you find it hard to take praise or compliments from people. Because what you've told me privately, I might be the same. You're wrong that no one knows, sweetie. Your life feels two halves of a normal life. What you've told me... I won't use your name unless you say it's okay... Whisper... you are a far stronger person than most other people. I know some things tear you up inside. But you're still here. You're still you. You still want the best. That is rare. Giving up is easy. Not giving up is hard. So much harder.

A mother's love is the most powerful force in the universe. 🙂

PS... Give Kat a giant, massive, squeezy hug from me okay? And tell her she's awesome. More than you probably already do. 🙂 If she gets weird, just say she is loved. 😛

October. Leaves rustling at my feet.
The light of the lamps in a cozy little coffee shop:
- What can I get you?
- Apple pie
Evening rain and the quiet blues of autumn.

The work week has come to an end. I left my daughter at home and just walk alone in the night park. I have a strange feeling, I'm losing touch with reality in a good way, I'm more immersed in the world of dreams. I keep thinking about the white rabbit in my favorite candy store. I feel like I'm being watched on the other side of the rabbit hole. I dreamt of a moth yesterday and tonight I found it above my window. For the ancient greeks, the moth was a symbol of the soul and resurrection. Sometimes I write poems, I will try to translate my poem, but after translation the rhyme will be lost:

Look, miracles are people with an open and kind hearts,
Not tricks and glitter and bright lights,
And if there's no escaping the meanness in life,
Let there be some sincerity and justice.

They come to us when we believe in nothing at all,
When we're one step away from falling into a terrible abyss,
They're the ones who light up the grayness,
They're the ones who keep the brightest dreams from fading away forever.

Quote from: Sephirah on October 03, 2024, 06:45:24 PMI know you find it hard to take praise or compliments from people. Because what you've told me privately, I might be the same. You're wrong that no one knows, sweetie. Your life feels two halves of a normal life. What you've told me... I won't use your name unless you say it's okay... Whisper... you are a far stronger person than most other people. I know some things tear you up inside. But you're still here. You're still you. You still want the best. That is rare. Giving up is easy. Not giving up is hard. So much harder.

A mother's love is the most powerful force in the universe. :)

I may be coping with the daily challenges, but the toughest challenges waiting me in the future. The site helps me to face it, I feel that I am not alone. It's best not to use my real name.
Unfortunately, friends around will never meet me in person, will never touch my hand. My real name is too common, too ordinary, and to remain in their memories, the way I will just be the Whisper. Love always wins, any love, no matter what form it takes, but among all this love, the strongest is maternal.

Quote from: Sephirah on October 04, 2024, 01:10:05 AMPS... Give Kat a giant, massive, squeezy hug from me okay? And tell her she's awesome. More than you probably already do. 🙂 If she gets weird, just say she is loved. :P

I've already done it, she's asleep at the moment.

For today's song of the day, I've chosen:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJ2by_pNVhw

Quote from: CaringWhisper on October 04, 2024, 02:43:56 PMLook, miracles are people with an open and kind heart,
Not tricks and glitter and bright lights,
And if there's no escaping the meanness in life,
Let there be some sincerity and justice in life.

They come to us when we believe in nothing at all,
When we're one step away from falling into a terrible abyss,
They're the ones who light up the grayness,
They're the ones who keep the brightest dreams from fading away forever.

This is beautiful. Doesn't matter if it doesn't rhyme. Most of the best poems don't. They just come from the heart. <3'

There's nothing ordinary about you, honey. And sometimes, that one whisper among the screaming of the world is the one you need to listen to the most. 🙂

Quote from: Sephirah on October 04, 2024, 04:11:10 PMAnd sometimes, that one whisper among the screaming of the world is the one you need to listen to the most. :)

- You must evacuate the school immediately.
- Are you serious?
- If I wasn't serious, would I be saying that?
- Like what?
- Like this, in a loud whisper for dramatic effect.
(c) Eric Cartman from South Park cartoon ) I don't know why, but it reminded me of a scene I watched a long time ago )

The whisper of a loved one just takes us to heaven. And besides the whisper, the sound of breathing, and the beating of the heart. Wish you hear these sounds all the time my friend.

It was a strong wind with rain. I went for a walk alone, to an old soviet park. Not a single person around, in such moments you feel your soul, your inner self. Fear is completely gone. I fed a pigeon on the way. After the storm, I saw more of life than before it. No storm can defeat the triumph of life.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on October 07, 2024, 04:06:20 PMI went for a walk alone, to an old soviet park. Not a single person around, in such moments you feel your soul, your inner self. Fear is completely gone.

This truly hits home for me. Last night I was reading an extract from a book written by a fellow mystic:

A study conducted by researchers at MIT in Cambridge, Massachusetts, has shown that young people are not able to remain silent for more than a few seconds, returning as soon as possible to the use of a smartphone, tablet, or computer. This study, published in 2017 in the science magazine Le Scienze (Italian edition of Scientific American), has shown that while in the past people who were by themselves tended to start thinking about their lives, various projects they were undertaking, their life situations or visualizing the future, today their attention is immediately drawn to communicating with others on Facebook, WhatsApp, and so on.

People are gradually losing the ability to be solitary and this is not good for many reasons. While the usefulness of the communication facilitated by this technology is undeniable, it is also true that such use of technology is slowly eroding our ability to live an inner life: it speeds up time, is too
distracting, and reduces our ability to listen. ... But we also know how hard it is for many people to stay away from their phones and how this symbiosis with technology tends to reduce our capacity to listen to ourselves.

You said in just a few words, what took two paragraphs to explain.  🙂

Thank you for sharing, and I love your photos!

Quote from: Lori Dee on October 07, 2024, 04:38:00 PMA study conducted by researchers at MIT in Cambridge, Massachusetts

I've always wondered how such research is done. You are sitting on a bench with a smartphone, and a representative of a research institute is hiding in the bushes nearby, writing in his notebook. Just imagine this picture. *smiling*

Yes, I understand that there is a select group of people who study their own behavior, but if you know, realize a experiment, the accuracy of the results is lost. It's hard to really dive into yourself when you know you're part of a scientific research.

Quote from: Lori Dee on October 07, 2024, 04:38:00 PMThank you for sharing, and I love your photos!

I'm glad my work is useful to someone. Have a good day, my friend.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on October 07, 2024, 05:00:17 PMI've always wondered how such research is done. You are sitting on a bench with a smartphone, and a representative of a research institute is hiding in the bushes nearby, writing in his notebook. Just imagine this picture. *smiling*

This made me laugh.  :icon_suspicious:

I've had a lot going on lately at work, and with my dad, and life in general, but I wanted to stop by and see how you were doing. Thanks for sharing a part your life with us.

Love always -- Jess

Quote from: CaringWhisper on October 07, 2024, 04:06:20 PMIt was a strong wind with rain. I went for a walk alone, to an old soviet park. Not a single person around, in such moments you feel your soul, your inner self. Fear is completely gone. I fed a pigeon on the way. After the storm, I saw more of life than before it. No storm can defeat the triumph of life.

Where was this, Whisper? That first picture? Roughly I mean. It looks like Pripyat. Which... I'll be honest, I wish I could visit one time in my life. It has a hauntingly beautiful desolation about it. Which I am kind of a sucker for. I think your part of the world and parts of America are the same. In places so vast... you can literally leave whole towns to wither and die and no one would even know.

Such haunting solitude... I find extremely attractive. We don't have that in the UK. Everyone is like sardines in a can. Somewhere is vacant for more than 5 minutes, it gets jumped on. Our whole country is like Central Park in New York, lol. It's only green because it's been decided no one is allowed to build shopping malls on it, lol. Not for lack of trying.

Quote from: Sephirah on October 12, 2024, 03:30:31 PMWhere was this, Whisper? That first picture? Roughly I mean. It looks like Pripyat. Which... I'll be honest, I wish I could visit one time in my life. It has a hauntingly beautiful desolation about it. Which I am kind of a sucker for. I think your part of the world and parts of America are the same. In places so vast... you can literally leave whole towns to wither and die and no one would even know.

Such haunting solitude... I find extremely attractive. We don't have that in the UK. Everyone is like sardines in a can. Somewhere is vacant for more than 5 minutes, it gets jumped on. Our whole country is like Central Park in New York, lol. It's only green because it's been decided no one is allowed to build shopping malls on it, lol. Not for lack of trying.

Maybe such places are like people and human souls, just as faded places in different countries have similar energy, and people recognize each other without ever meeting being not just far away, but in different worlds, different cultures.

I wish you was here my friend.

If anyone wants to know where I'm surviving: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Segezha

The human soul is a burning light, don't let your soul to fade. As the flame of a candle drives out darkness, so your light enters into other souls and drives away spiritual darkness and ignorance. The candle flame is a reminder of how the light of truth transforms a person's life and leads him/her to a spiritual freedom.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on October 13, 2024, 08:53:36 AMThe human soul is a burning light, don't let your soul to fade. As the flame of a candle drives out darkness, so your light enters into other souls and drives away spiritual darkness and ignorance. The candle flame is a reminder of how the light of truth transforms a person's life and leads him/her to a spiritual freedom.

I love this.

I would also add:

If you use a candle to light another candle, you gain twice the light and warmth. But nothing is lost from the first candle. We lose nothing of ourselves when we help others illuminate their path.

Quote from: Lori Dee on October 13, 2024, 08:59:29 AMI love this.

I would also add:

If you use a candle to light another candle, you gain twice the light and warmth. But nothing is lost from the first candle. We lose nothing of ourselves when we help others illuminate their path.

Exactly, that's why we are always looking for a second candle, warmer is always better, but the main thing is a sense of proportion, the main thing is that the candles do not ignite into a destructive fire. Lack of proportion is the main disaster of my people, lack of proportion in everything - in love, kindness, hatred, desire for change when in the bloody revolutions destroyed everything under the root. Lucifer was once an angel, but his soul ignited too brightly into the flames of hell. Don't make the same mistakes we did. I don't know why I am writing this, just because I don't hold myself back here. I love you all my friends.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on October 13, 2024, 09:09:21 AMExactly, that's why we are always looking for a second candle, warmer is always better, but the main thing is a sense of proportion, the main thing is that the candles do not ignite into a destructive fire. Lack of proportion is the main disaster of my people, lack of proportion in everything - in love, kindness, hatred, desire for change when in the bloody revolutions destroyed everything under the root. Lucifer was once an angel, but his soul ignited too brightly into the flames of hell. Don't make the same mistakes we did. I don't know why I am writing this, just because I don't hold myself back here. I love you all my friends.

Well said. I love it.

Time for some strange backwards cyrillic letters. Top line: "у ребенка больше данных за наличие диагноза: Дегенеративное заболевание нервной системы (G31.8 )" Which translates as: "the child is more likely to be diagnosed with a degenerative disease of the nervous system (G31. 8 )"

All I can do is delay the trial, because of her disease, I don't stand a chance otherway. I'm just living for today, with no hope for the future by buying some time. It's all grim.

All I had to do initially was hide my daughter. And I was proud to show her off to the world. I don't know what was going through my head. If we hid, no one would have reported us, and everything would have been fine. I was punished for my pride.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on October 14, 2024, 09:20:46 AMTime for some strange backwards cyrillic letters. Top line: "у ребенка больше данных за наличие диагноза: Дегенеративное заболевание нервной системы (G31.8 )" Which translates as: "the child is more likely to be diagnosed with a degenerative disease of the nervous system (G31. 8 )"

All I can do is delay the trial, because of her disease, I don't stand a chance otherway. I'm just living for today, with no hope for the future by buying some time. It's all grim.

All I had to do initially was hide my daughter. And I was proud to show her off to the world. I don't know what was going through my head. If we hid, no one would have reported us, and everything would have been fine. I was punished for my pride.

Hiding anything or anyone never works, Whisper. Not least because knowing Katya as I do now, she is not the kind of gal who wants to be hidden. <3

And yeah... Cyrillic is like to westerners like Kanji is. If you get it you get it, if you don't, you don't. Thankfully Skynet lets you do a fairly decent job of translating these days.

Where you are, it always remind me of the opening line of the miniseries "Chernobyl" One of my favourite shows ever, I might add. But the line is from the guy who basically stopped the world dying in a nuclear holocaust. Valeri Lagasov. The first line in the show is "What is the cost of lies?"

And that's really the thing. You can lie about something to the point that you refuse to believe the truth. Not because you don't know it to be the truth, but because you WANT something to be a lie. That's why the USSR took so long during that whole Chernobyl thing to admit anything had even happened. They were like a goth 14 year old when their dad caught them on their phone at 4 o clock in the morning.

Sending a rose to a beautiful soul...

Love always -- Jess

(https://i.imgur.com/eXd3AMv.jpg)

You know how I feel about you and Kat, honey. Sending all my love. Don't forget what we talked about. <3 You can scold me on my Russian, lol.

<3

Quote from: Sephirah on October 19, 2024, 08:38:15 PMYou know how I feel about you and Kat, honey. Sending all my love. Don't forget what we talked about. <3 You can scold me on my Russian, lol.
<3

I pray that the surgery was successful. You're a person of great resilience. I realize you won't read this in time, you can't read the forum often due to sore eyes, I'm worried for you. Your eyes will be healthy.

Quote from: Sephirah on October 19, 2024, 07:28:49 PMHiding anything or anyone never works, Whisper. Not least because knowing Katya as I do now, she is not the kind of gal who wants to be hidden. <3

Where you are, it always remind me of the opening line of the miniseries "Chernobyl" One of my favourite shows ever, I might add. But the line is from the guy who basically stopped the world dying in a nuclear holocaust. Valeri Lagasov. The first line in the show is "What is the cost of lies?"

And that's really the thing. You can lie about something to the point that you refuse to believe the truth. Not because you don't know it to be the truth, but because you WANT something to be a lie. That's why the USSR took so long during that whole Chernobyl thing to admit anything had even happened. They were like a goth 14 year old when their dad caught them on their phone at 4 o clock in the morning.

There's also a comparison between Ned Stark and Jaime Lannister. Ned was a man of honor, but because of that honor he hurt his wife, he made her think he cheated on her. Jaime broke his oath as a knight, became a despised oathbreaker, but that's how he did the Justice, saving the people of the capital when 200 people just stood by and watched as the Mad King wanted to burn thousands of innocents. Sometimes goodness isn't white and fluffy with wings.

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on October 19, 2024, 08:19:22 PMSending a rose to a beautiful soul...

The photo is so clear and realistic that I instinctively lean over to the monitor to smell that rose. It helps a lot psychologically.

We are alive. Nothing helps to get rid of panic like a simple walk in the fresh air.

Imagine that you no longer need to choose a fate, everything is already written for you in a document starting from your birth. Would you be happy? Have you ever thought that the theory of determinism might be true? A chain of multiple events starting with the big bang led you to where you are now. You wouldn't buy ice cream on the street if it wasn't hot outside and if you didn't like sweets. Events can happen in the only possible scenario. We need to understand how personal responsibility, free will and determinism can exist together at the same time. David Hume argued that one doesn't interfere with the other, he said that freedom doesn't give us a choice, for example, my daughter can pick any toy out of a thousand, and she will choose her favorite toy based on her tastes, there can be no other options. And if I pick out a toy for her by myself and she gets cranky, taking another toy to spite me, it's predetermined by her rebellious nature, to contradict everything. We have no choice, but we have a freedom. Socrates' worldview was consonant with Christianity long before the birth of Jesus, Socrates believed that earthly life and the body is a source of suffering, and the immortal soul, the main source of human power awaits another better world, a man was born a Christian without even realizing it. Sartre said the human was condemned to freedom because sometimes it feels like a curse instead of a gift. At first glance, the choice is wonderful but finding yourself, making a choice after years of searching is a heavy burden and there's a risk of never finding yourself at all. Neo, in the original trilogy, was cruelly mistaken, the whole world was the Matrix, and he was destined to save humanity only in one possible way. And now we come smoothly to the topic of transgender people. All transgender people have only one possible path too. Someone wastes precious time suppressing her/his true essence, thinking that she/he has a choice, two or more paths, the prison of freedom, it can be ending by suicide, I'm horrified by the death statistics. I am now convinced that gender can be determined earlier, based on medical and psychological predispositions, I've had experience. They'll all come to it anyway or later, so better sooner than later. That is why I am here, you may consider it a manifesto, I believe that in all countries there should be a clear state system for determining the gender of the person based on the conclusions of certified prisologists, doctors in harmony with the decision of the person herself/himself, which will always be just a formality. It will save many lives and let people not dream but live in harmony with themselves.

Some are celebrating Halloween, and I'm counting the hours until the Winter comes. It's like waiting for an old friend, you shower, do your makeup, get a good hairstyle, paint your nails and wait. Maybe it's strange. As a kid, I loved to sit on the roofs of high-rise buildings. It helped me to forget, not to think about people, they were just spots somewhere far away. Now, it's like I sit on the roof all the time, in terms of getting away from people, because I feel danger from them.

The uniqueness of the individual and the immortality of the soul.
Why are animals not unique? Our pets are unique, but they got that uniqueness from us. All animals are embodiments of a common natural soul, yes, an animal has a soul that reveals itself, expresses itself, we see that the animal has self-awareness, but how is all this different from a human being? Unlike an animal human being realizes his or her potential, unrealized possibilities, this very fact indicates that the root of the human self is much deeper. The animal doesn't worry about self-actualization, an animal doesn't have to worry about growing in spirit, it lives what it is, it is what it is. Human being, on the other hand, realize that he/she are so much more than than he/she is right now, a human being has abilities, potential, possibilities, so a human makes plans and sets goals. An animal is not self-determined, it just grows within certain limits set by nature. The self-determination of the individual takes place in the spiritual realm; it involves knowledge of the good, what is good and what is bad. An animal itself cannot do good or bad, only if a person does not teach the animal that for example taking food without permission or tearing stuff is bad, then the animal can feel guilt but an animal can't set boundaries for itself. In humans, this boundaries are set by God, society does not set these boundaries, but only comprehends them, sometimes in a false way, and there's so much suffering because of it. The metaphor of personality as a rider on the horse: the rider is the mind and the horse is the animated body, the ability of the rider to control the horse as an assumption that the rider is independent from the body and mental state, the human being unlike animals is capable of self-restraint and thoughtful suicide, the suicide decision come from an unchanging, immortal part of the personality to the changeable part. The horse can die, but the rider can't, only an immortal "myself" has the courage to say "I'm going to die".

Write me down somewhere
As a mark on the glass
Make me a note
Of your long day
I'll be a message on the table
And maybe it says goodbye
Write me down in your notebook
It's not difficult for me
To be a record on a white sheet

We are happy together, I don't know to whom I am addressing, maybe to the void, but nevertheless, don't hurt us, don't separate us, all we want is to live and enjoy life. Don't hurt us...

Quote from: CaringWhisper on October 29, 2024, 11:54:25 PMSome are celebrating Halloween, and I'm counting the hours until the Winter comes. It's like waiting for an old friend, you shower, do your makeup, get a good hairstyle, paint your nails and wait. Maybe it's strange. As a kid, I loved to sit on the roofs of high-rise buildings. It helped me to forget, not to think about people, they were just spots somewhere far away. Now, it's like I sit on the roof all the time, in terms of getting away from people, because I feel danger from them.

You and me both. The cold and dark are like old friends. I hate the sun because it hates me lol. The beauty of a silent vista on a moonlight night, is breathtaking. It's not strange, Whisper. Knowing what I know about you and your little girl. The things you've been through. The dark... makes you feel out of time. Makes the world feel at a standstill. Like you're the only person alive, embracing the silver light of the moon. It's enchanting. 🙂

I hope that things work out well for you and your child.  God bless you both.

Hi Caring Whisper

I hope that things work out well for you and your child also.  You are in very good hands when you are talking to Sephirah.

I love reading you posts

Take care and wish all your dreams come true.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
@CaringWhisper
@Sephirah

Hey, everybody. I'm continuing to write after a long hiatus. It is partly due to fatigue and compromised health, partly due to fear of Trump's new laws, because the site is US, now I realize that my fear were wrong.

So much has happened in this time and I am so mentally exhausted that I don't know where to start. Our situation...is very difficult and troubling.

But now I want to reminisce about the beautiful past. It's February 3 2003, me, a young emo goth, going to a rave party. T.A.T.u. just released an album called "Not Gonna Get Us". The band consists of two girls who are both positioning themselves as open lesbians. There's a song on their album called "A gay boy". Are you interested of the public's reaction? General popularity, adoration. No sanctions, no condemnation, no hatred. We have the meme give me back my noughties where my emo subculture and Blazer drinks are. Things were different in those days, in those days I had hope for the future, now everything has turned to dust, I have lost my home and my future is wandering the world which has started to change for the worse.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOhH8cp93lE

Welcome back, Whisper.

We have been wondering how you have been. Times are difficult for many of us.

Do you have resources available that can help you stay safe? There are international organizations that might be able to help. Befrienders.org is one. https://befrienders.org/

They may not be local to you, but perhaps they can refer you to someone more accessible.

*gives you a big hug*

I remember t.A.T.u, they were big in the UK. For this song. It was huge here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mGBaXPlri8

Everything goes in cycles, Whisper. It won't be like this forever. Only until people get tired of being stepped on.

I am sorry that things have not gone well and that you are without a home.  I know that you are doing everything you can to keep your child safe and healthy.  Please do everything you can to keep yourself safe and healthy too, so that you can have a happy home together when the storms have passed.  God bless you both.

Quote from: MaryT on February 01, 2025, 04:49:35 PMI am sorry that things have not gone well and that you are without a home.  I know that you are doing everything you can to keep your child safe and healthy.  Please do everything you can to keep yourself safe and healthy too, so that you can have a happy home together when the storms have passed.  God bless you both.

Thanks, Mary.

You said exactly what I was thinking.

There have been severe temperature spikes lately, from minus 36 Celsius at night to zero. Spring has already arrived in the southern regions, while we are promised a couple more cold days.

My old childhood toy and an old printed poetry book, two of my most treasured relics from the past.

Quote from: Lori Dee on February 01, 2025, 09:26:07 AMWelcome back, Whisper.

We have been wondering how you have been. Times are difficult for many of us.

Do you have resources available that can help you stay safe? There are international organizations that might be able to help. Befrienders.org is one. https://befrienders.org/

They may not be local to you, but perhaps they can refer you to someone more accessible.

Thank you, Lori. But it doesn't help me. I've already consulted a lawyer. The only thing I need is a knowledge of the language, in all EU countries I need a good, if not perfect, knowledge of the local language to find a job and make a decent living. There are more specialized sites for learning a language.

Quote from: MaryT on February 01, 2025, 04:49:35 PMI am sorry that things have not gone well and that you are without a home.  I know that you are doing everything you can to keep your child safe and healthy.  Please do everything you can to keep yourself safe and healthy too, so that you can have a happy home together when the storms have passed.  God bless you both.

I've lost my home since the war started. Even then it was clear that there was no future here. We couldn't get out yet, you know it's almost useless to go against the state, it's a soulless machine that will digest a person like a chip in a millstone. Keeping mentally healthy helps me a lot with contemplating nature and drawing. Beautiful things heal the soul. So, dear ladies, we're fight.

That is a very cute and friendly looking cat.

Quote from: MaryT on February 02, 2025, 01:06:44 PMThat is a very cute and friendly looking cat.

Watching overly emotional people we think it will never affect us, but suddenly in certain moments of solitude our feelings behave like an infallible teenager, and some stuff from the past can be a start. Hugs to everyone who knows this feeling.

Marcel Proust was a wild misanthrope. He avoided all communication with people, left the house only at night, in his room where he created no one ever entered during his life. When he was gone, a stack of schoolbooks was found in his room, Marcel Proust died on his desk after putting the last dot in his multi-volume novel "In Search of Lost Time". Did Marcel Proust experience loneliness in his solitude? He was communicating with humanity, with potential readers. It is a pity that his contemporaries did not fully understand the meaning of his novel, while we understand it better and better. Robinson Crusoe was not alone on a deserted island, and he also communicated, because he worked with cultural objects, he recreated culture in his small world and thanks to this he survived. It is not necessary to have a flesh and blood person around to communicate. Having realized and felt this, I now understand the meaning of "remember, I am always with you" better....

Quote from: CaringWhisper on February 05, 2025, 06:21:24 AMHaving realized and felt this, I now understand the meaning of "remember, I am always with you" better....

I am always with you. <3 You and Kitty Kat both.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on February 05, 2025, 06:21:24 AMWatching overly emotional people we think it will never affect us, but suddenly in certain moments of solitude our feelings behave like an infallible teenager, and some stuff from the past can be a start.

When my repressed emotions arise in solitude, I take the time to sit with them, process, and try to understand their roots. This approach helps with the discomfort for me.

If you don't mind me asking, how do you cope?

Quote from: CaringWhisper on February 05, 2025, 06:21:24 AMHugs to everyone who knows this feeling.

Thank You! 🫂❣️

Quote from: CaringWhisper on February 05, 2025, 06:21:24 AMMarcel Proust was a wild misanthrope. He avoided all communication with people, left the house only at night, in his room where he created no one ever entered during his life. When he was gone, a stack of schoolbooks was found in his room, Marcel Proust died on his desk after putting the last dot in his multi-volume novel "In Search of Lost Time". Did Marcel Proust experience loneliness in his solitude? He was communicating with humanity, with potential readers. It is a pity that his contemporaries did not fully understand the meaning of his novel, while we understand it better and better.

I haven't heard of this writer before, but it sounds like a good read. I'll look into it, thanks for sharing!

Quote from: CaringWhisper on February 05, 2025, 06:21:24 AMRobinson Crusoe was not alone on a deserted island, and he also communicated, because he worked with cultural objects, he recreated culture in his small world and thanks to this he survived.

This reminds me of Wilson, the volleyball from Cast Away. He becomes Tom Hanks' sole companion during his isolation on the deserted island. It's interesting how Wilson represents not only his sanity but also his growing need for connection and communication.

I also have my own objects and plants that I talk to in solitude. 😊

Quote from: CaringWhisper on February 05, 2025, 06:21:24 AMIt is not necessary to have a flesh and blood person around to communicate. Having realized and felt this, I now understand the meaning of "remember, I am always with you" better....

Hah... this phrase 'remember, I am always with you' holds deep spiritual and religious significance across various traditions. I personally find comfort in the Christian framework and concepts, especially when connecting with my imaginary friends.

What are your spiritual practices, if you don't mind sharing?



~ Lilis

  @CaringWhisper
It is your very special day on Thursday, February 6th...
  Wishing you a very, very
                  H A P P Y  B I R T H D A Y

                              :icon_birthday:  :icon_birthday:  :icon_birthday:  :icon_birthday:

I hope and trust that you will have a pleasant day on your birthday.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
                   
                    (https://i.imgur.com/wXEhDUcl.jpg)

Happy Birthday, Whisper!

Happy birthday Caring Whisper!

Chrissy

Happy birthday, no cake emoji so I send you a virtual HUG XX 

I may be a little late, but Happy Birthday!

:icon_birthday:

Love always -- Jessica Rose

I hope that the promise of a happy future gives you happiness today.

I have a high fever, it is with great difficulty that I am writing this post. Today is my birthday, and as a cruel mockery of fate, my daughter was beaten up by local children. I will definitely respond better (I saw your post Lilis), when I have the strength. For now, just thank you for the congratulations. The nervous breakdown.

I am so sorry that you and your daughter are having to endure such things.  Please God bless you both.

You are Aquarius. That is actually very telling. Happy birthday, Whisper. I think I understand you a little bit better now.

(all those people who don't believe in astrology can vomit in their mouths at this point :P)

https://www.horoscope.com/zodiac-signs/aquarius

Check your messages.

Hi Caring Whisper

Happy Birthday to you from me, with hugz and I wish you and Kat, all the best for the future.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@CaringWhisper 

Quote from: CaringWhisper on February 06, 2025, 12:38:53 PMI will definitely respond better (I saw your post Lilis), when I have the strength.

Oh my God, there's so much happening all at once.

No pressure, take your time and just try to get some rest. If you can, see a doctor, a fever is often a sign of an underlying health issue.

I'm so sorry about what happened to your daughter. Unfortunately, some children are taught from an early age that violence is a solution. I hope she's doing okay.

And lastly, Happy Birthday, CaringWhisper! 👸🏻🎂💞

Thank you, for caring. Doing what Susan's does best. She's going through a lot. They both are. Things that... we can't even really imagine. Let alone know how to deal with.

Hi Caring Whisper

I'm sorry to hear that Katya was bullied at school.  For Katya's sake, she needs to learn self-defense.  One of my nephews was in a similar predicament and all of my brothers children in that family learnt self-defense.  Suffice to say it it helped him in several fights.

I hope you get better soon

Take care and I hope things turn out well for you and Katya

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@CaringWhisper 

Quote from: Sarah B on February 06, 2025, 11:18:23 PMHi Caring Whisper

I'm sorry to hear that Katya was bullied at school.  For Katya's sake, she needs to learn self-defense.  One of my nephews was in a similar predicament and all of my brothers children in that family learnt self-defense.  Suffice to say it it helped him in several fights.

I hope you get better soon

Take care and I hope things turn out well for you and Katya

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@CaringWhisper 

I think that any self-defence skills can be useful as long as the pupil is taught when to use them, which is a nebulous subject.  An encounter in which a bully originally intended only to humiliate his or her victim could lead to the victim being injured if the bully is resisted by force.  Even world champion fighters sometimes lose.  For all but really expert martial artists, I think that it is a good idea to presume that one's potential opponent or opponents have the advantage, so the victim shouldn't use his or her skills unless injury would otherwise be highly likely.

The situation here is more and more grim with every month. Water's my element. It's very difficult for us psychologically, and strength comes in waves, like the ebb and flow of the tides. When the tide goes out, the strength leaves and exposes the bare sand of despair. And back in the cycle. This may be late, but thank you for the congratulations, my friends.

Quote from: Lilis on February 05, 2025, 06:26:51 PMWhat are your spiritual practices, if you don't mind sharing?

I tried many spiritual practices, but I couldn't stray far from the religious culture I was born into. When I try something different, I feel self-deceived. I pray, and try to feel love for God by identifying him as the Absolute. Absolute love, absolute trust, absolute peace of mind. A calmness in the face of an absolute abyss, where my mind is unable to realize the distance to the walls or the ground of this abyss. I feel the spirit of this great power on the outskirts of the city, in empty dilapidated houses, in an abandoned park with crumbling sculptures, in the barking of dangerous stray dogs somewhere in the background of the alleys, in the morning fog. I'd be more afraid of being trapped in a small space where every corner is known to me. The abyss is unexplored and that is why it gives me hope.

Quote from: Sarah B on February 06, 2025, 11:18:23 PMFor Katya's sake, she needs to learn self-defense.

We can only defend ourselves when we have the chance. Hyenas don't attack alone, and if they are alone, they don't attack. When the immature minds clumps together in packs, there is little humanity left there. Even pepper spray won't stop the whole pack if the victim is alone.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on February 21, 2025, 02:55:40 PMThe situation here is more and more grim with every month. Water's my element. It's very difficult for us psychologically, and strength comes in waves, like the ebb and flow of the tides. When the tide goes out, the strength leaves and exposes the bare sand of despair. And back in the cycle.

Hope lies in the knowledge that the ebb and flow are like the swing of the pendulum. No matter how far away it goes, it will return. It cannot have one without the other. The trial is enduring the extremes.

Water seeks its own level.

I hope things come back your way very soon. Rest when you can and build your strength for the next wave. Either to fight it or ride it.

Quote from: Lori Dee on February 21, 2025, 05:41:30 PMHope lies in the knowledge

Nothing and no one can help me anymore. Blind hope can be more destructive than despair, it kills the last of my strength, dries me dry. I've realized now that sudden changes, ups and downs, are bad for me. I will stay in a stable, dark state, trying to find balance in falling into the abyss. I don't need spring, I'm not ready for it yet. I am too strong to change the harsh blizzards of winter for the warm days of spring.

Not for me comes spring,
Not for me a river will spill.
There is a darling's heart clogged
With delightful feelings - not for me.
 
Not for me flowering gardens,
In the valley blooming grove,
There nightingale meets spring,
He will sing not for me.
 
Not for me comes Easter,
At the table all relatives will gather,
"Christ is risen" shall pour from the lips
Easter day is not for me.
 
Not for me the flowers bloom,
The fragrant rose will fade
Pick a flower and it will whither
Such a life is not for me.
(с) Molchanov

When I was much younger, I met a wise Japanese man. He always seemed so cheerful and full of hope. I was going through a rough point in my life and we talked about it.

He told me to think about all of the obstacles I have ever faced in my life. Think about the hard times, and we all have many. Think about how many and yet not one of them ever beat you. They did not win! And the proof of that is that you are here right now, ready to take on the next fight. They did not beat you, and they never will. You will find a way through. Someone will help you find a way through. Or maybe the problems resolve themselves.

The point is that the problems you faced all those years ago are gone now. Yes, now you have new things to work through. That is life. It tests us. It teaches us... if we learn from what we experienced in the past.

I am a million miles away from you so there is no way that I can know all of the details of what you go through each day. I can imagine, but only imagine. And my heart reaches out to you hoping to lift your spirits just enough for you to find that spark that I know you still have. And hopefully with it, a determination and resolve that "this too shall pass".

Hang in there, sister. We all care and wish you all the best.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on February 21, 2025, 02:55:40 PMI tried many spiritual practices, but I couldn't stray far from the religious culture I was born into. When I try something different, I feel self-deceived. I pray, and try to feel love for God by identifying him as the Absolute. Absolute love, absolute trust, absolute peace of mind. A calmness in the face of an absolute abyss, where my mind is unable to realize the distance to the walls or the ground of this abyss. I feel the spirit of this great power on the outskirts of the city, in empty dilapidated houses, in an abandoned park with crumbling sculptures, in the barking of dangerous stray dogs somewhere in the background of the alleys, in the morning fog. I'd be more afraid of being trapped in a small space where every corner is known to me. The abyss is unexplored and that is why it gives me hope.

Your description is so vivid and thought provoking. It sounds like you find meaning even in the mystery and vastness of the unknown, such a unique way to experience spirituality. I hope that, even in the abyss, you find moments of peace and connection. If you ever feel weighed down by it, do you express those feelings through your artwork?

With warmth,

"Everything Is Possible!" 🫂💗


~ Lilis

Quote from: CaringWhisper on February 22, 2025, 01:18:32 AMNothing and no one can help me anymore. Blind hope can be more destructive than despair, it kills the last of my strength, dries me dry.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on February 22, 2025, 01:18:32 AMI don't need spring, I'm not ready for it yet. I am too strong to change the harsh blizzards of winter for the warm days of spring.

I hear you, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I won't offer empty hope, but I will remind you that even in the darkest winters, there is still warmth to be found even if just in the quiet presence of someone who cares.

Seasons do change, whether we feel ready for them or not. And even if spring doesn't feel like it's for you right now, that doesn't mean it won't ever be.

With warmth,

"Everything Is Possible!" 🫂💗


~ Lilis

Quote from: Lilis on February 22, 2025, 02:50:45 AMYour description is so vivid and thought provoking. It sounds like you find meaning even in the mystery and vastness of the unknown, such a unique way to experience spirituality. I hope that, even in the abyss, you find moments of peace and connection. If you ever feel weighed down by it, do you express those feelings through your artwork?

The city noise and pace drowns out my inner self, I think every person knows that feeling. In abandoned places I feel myself again, if I purpose to experience this emptiness sensually, it turns out to be not so lifeless. I never draw the abyss, do not spill out my feelings, otherwise the abyss will look back at me, it's best to keep Pandora's Box closed.  If I draw, it is either simple clear images or repetition of nature, the experience of creating the beautiful is healing.

Quote from: Lori Dee on February 22, 2025, 01:31:16 AMHang in there, sister. We all care and wish you all the best.

Quote from: Lilis on February 22, 2025, 02:59:57 AMI won't offer empty hope, but I will remind you that even in the darkest winters, there is still warmth to be found even if just in the quiet presence of someone who cares.

Thank you friends. I take public transportation. There are times in the winter when I have to wait for a shuttle bus at an open cold stop. I am forced to dress nicely, there is no way to wear a warm ski suit and an ushanka hat. And I realized that the more intensely I move, the more my clothes gapes away from my body, letting the cold in under my coat, and further under my skirt. It's much more comfortable to stay calm, conserve heat, and keep the gaps between my clothes and my body closed. There is no better warmth than your own. Hope is a strong emotion that requires a lot of emotional effort and that's why it's hard to draw strength from it. In my experience I realize that in difficult situations it is better to save my emotions, I am all in myself, in my own hands.

Everything is possible, if you're sure of your abilities. I re-forged myself emotionally. Thank you for letting me express myself, I sincerely wish the best for all of you my friends, and support you in your difficult times.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on February 22, 2025, 09:56:38 AMEverything is possible, if you're sure of your abilities. I re-forged myself emotionally. Thank you for letting me express myself, I sincerely wish the best for all of you my friends, and support you in your difficult times.

Yes, 🫂💓

Whisper, you are one of the strongest people I know. As is your little girl.

Sending you a massive squeezy hug. <3

I tried to convey my state of mind today with one photo. Spring has sprung and the snow has melted, but the trees are not yet covered with leaves. They stand gloomy, stretching their gaunt arms to the sky, as if suffering the agony of a soul in hell. Greetings from hell to all of you. No, I haven't given up, I'm not broken, I feel a firmness of nature and self-confidence. I'm just being honest with myself and expressing my inner self as it is, not trying to sugarcoat anything or smooth the edges. This kind of self-expression soothes my soul.

Retrowave is playing inside me today, that's the mood I'm in.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PItbnWkIEg

In good news, we may be leaving this place soon.

Hi, Whisper!

I realize it is rough there. I am hoping that you have found a place that is safer and less stressful.

I love your avatar picture. Very beautiful.

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 15, 2025, 04:36:01 PMHi, Whisper!

I realize it is rough there. I am hoping that you have found a place that is safer and less stressful.

Hi, Lori. I hope so too, my friend.

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 15, 2025, 04:36:01 PMI love your avatar picture. Very beautiful.

Look closer and you can see the asymmetry of my eyes in the photo, it makes me look ugly. I just noticed it now.  Body beauty is a fuzzy concept, but true, genuine beauty is the beauty of your dreams.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on March 15, 2025, 05:32:06 PMLook closer and you can see the asymmetry of my eyes in the photo, it makes me look ugly. I just noticed it now.  Body beauty is a fuzzy concept, but true, genuine beauty is the beauty of your dreams.

What I see is your beautiful spirit.  🙂

It has been a while but you and your child are in our hearts and minds.  Stay strong and healthy for both yourselves.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on March 15, 2025, 02:45:27 PMI tried to convey my state of mind today with one photo. Spring has sprung and the snow has melted, but the trees are not yet covered with leaves. They stand gloomy, stretching their gaunt arms to the sky, as if suffering the agony of a soul in hell. Greetings from hell to all of you. No, I haven't given up, I'm not broken, I feel a firmness of nature and self-confidence.

Whoa! Your're back! I missed this and was missing your posts, so lots of hugs.

Quote from: TanyaG on April 04, 2025, 08:05:34 AMWhoa! Your're back! I missed this and was missing your posts, so lots of hugs.

Thank you, TanyaG. I'm glad you remember me. I didn't back because I didn't leave. I read the forum and when I get the energy I posted on my blog. I just feel really bad, both mentally and physically. I'm here.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on April 04, 2025, 01:53:08 PMI read the forum and when I get the energy I posted on my blog. I just feel really bad, both mentally and physically.

I often think of you and your daughter, CaringWhisper. Few have the determination needed to do the right thing, even when doing it will cost them and you've done that. The world can be such a bad place, but that's only because there aren't more people like you.

Yeah, Whisper is kind of amazing. And her little girl is special. She has a strength most of us can only envy. Both of them, really. 🙂

My friends. A terrible thing has happened. The Russian state agency in control of censorship has announced that from the 12th of this month it will start spying on all routers in my country. As of 2019, the "TCPA" (threat management tools) has been established here, a system for filtering and blocking traffic. ISPs are now required to identify all users with mac address binding of routers, and save all the information about the sites I visit. The provider cannot see the traffic going through the VPN, but he can see the fact of traffic encryption. Therefore, encryption of traffic is a marker, which is used to send data to special services, and they already do a full check of the person. All traffic from mobile devices is tied to the IMEI. They have the technical ability to block traffic, based on the mac address of the router, or IMEI of the mobile device. It's entirely possible that I'll just lose the opportunity for communication.

If my posts are read by intelligence agencies, I could face jail time. I could be charged with two counts: 1. Discrediting the country in public space 2. Propaganda of LGBT agenda, for which there is a punishment as well. In practice, there is already 1 criminal case "for the use of VPN". The most absurd thing is that a person was criminally prosecuted for using the messenger ViPole. This site is also "extremist" because it promotes values forbidden in my country.

I want to leave the country, but they won't let me out. I am legally well versed, I still have the tools left over from Yeltsin's time for self-defense, and I am able to defend myself in court. But the state still won't let me go. I have not yet been sent to a Siberian women's settlement colony, but I am being harassed and the noose around my neck is very slowly tightening.

I don't want to leave the forum, but if an emergency situation arises, I will have to delete my thread. What they have done is trample on the constitution written in 1991.

I'm asking for help! If anyone is technically savvy, or have friends in IT, please help me find a way to hide the very fact that traffic is encrypted! At the worst, tell me analogs of Facebook, where I can at least state my thoughts, as Facebook blocks me, both vpn, and my real ip address, considering it suspicious.

I remember how my father, now gone, talking about 1991: I remember the exciting days of August '91. Millions of people in the streets! Expectation of something new and bright. Soon we'll live! Basic hopes, except for full counters - never again will the KGB spy on citizens! Freedom!
-FREEEEEDOOOOOOM!........................

Quote from: CaringWhisper on April 05, 2025, 06:40:44 AMMy friends. A terrible thing has happened.

That's incredibly tough, especially because they've got all the angles covered, including VPNs. I think it's realistic to have a plan to delete your blog and comments too, perhaps if no-one has a smart idea how to get around this. It's no comfort, but I think something similar may be coming to some western nations, but if wishes were horses, I'd send the swiftest pair I could imagine to help you out to somewhere you and your daughter can breathe.

I am sorry to hear that, Whisper. But I understand. You must do what is right for you and your daughter. Safety is most important. If you need to delete your account quickly, inform the staff so we can get on it immediately.

Quote from: TanyaG on April 05, 2025, 07:00:19 AMThat's incredibly tough, especially because they've got all the angles covered, including VPNs. I think it's realistic to have a plan to delete your blog and comments too, perhaps if no-one has a smart idea how to get around this. It's no comfort, but I think something similar may be coming to some western nations, but if wishes were horses, I'd send the swiftest pair I could imagine to help you out to somewhere you and your daughter can breathe.

I hope this nightmare ends when the-one-whose-name-must-not-be-mentioned leaves. One thing I fear is that there will be blood again, there will be another revolution. The-one-whose-name-must-not-be-mentioned is doing everything to bring about this revolution, it's a shame he's so shortsighted he doesn't realize it. If it doesn't happen, I'll be glad. Enough violence, I'm tired of it.

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 05, 2025, 10:24:06 AMI am sorry to hear that, Whisper. But I understand. You must do what is right for you and your daughter. Safety is most important. If you need to delete your account quickly, inform the staff so we can get on it immediately.

I'm not gonna do that. I don't want to leave. Maybe I'll find a way to hide my traffic. I know there are ways, but I can't do it myself yet. You look great, by the way, Lori. You are so hot.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on April 05, 2025, 11:57:49 AMYou look great, by the way, Lori. You are so hot.

Thank you! And back at you, Sister!

@CaringWhisper    cc: @Lori Dee  @TanyaG  @ MaryT  @Sephirah  @Lillis  @Sarah B

Dear CaringWhisper:

WhatsApp is very private and secure as you can get... end to end  encryption
Check out each of the following LINKS below.

    https://www.whatsapp.com/stayconnected

        https://www.whatsapp.com/privacy

            https://faq.whatsapp.com/378279804439436/?cms_platform=android&locale=en_US


I really like your new Avatar/Profile photo.... you look lovely !!!! ❤️❤️❤️

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on April 05, 2025, 03:20:45 PM@CaringWhisper    cc: @Lori Dee  @TanyaG  @ MaryT  @Sephirah  @Lillis  @Sarah B

Dear CaringWhisper:

WhatsApp is very private and secure as you can get... end to end  encryption
Check out each of the following LINKS below.

    https://www.whatsapp.com/stayconnected

        https://www.whatsapp.com/privacy

            https://faq.whatsapp.com/378279804439436/?cms_platform=android&locale=en_US


I really like your new Avatar/Profile photo.... you look lovely !!!! ❤️❤️❤️

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Hi Danielle, unfortunately WhatsApp won't help me, it's just a messenger. If I tell you in detail about my situation - Internet access is tied to my router mac-address, if I manually change it, my Internet disappears, because my real data is tied to this value, if I want to change my router mac-address, I need to call a specialist and re-issue documents. Previously, all my data, what sites I go to, were stored only at the ISP, and were given to the FSB, or other departments of violence only on request. Now, according to the new law, this data will be sent automatically, all residents of my country are potential criminals without the right to privacy.
Discrediting the state or politicians, i.e. open criticism, is forbidden and punishable. Propaganda of anything that contradicts the rule "there are only two biological genders" is prohibited too. The administrators of this site would be jailed if you were in Russia. WhatsApp isn't even the browser. I need a way that will hide the very fact of using vpn, to my ISP. Otherwise I will just be disconnected from the Internet, I can't go to such sites openly for my own safety. Alone, without a way to communicate with the world, I will just go insane and die. I need something that masks the encryption of traffic, at the router level. I've got a week left. I'm not an English speaker, and I don't know how to swear, so I'll just say - I'm in the *ss.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on April 06, 2025, 05:56:15 AMAlone, without a way to communicate with the world, I will just go insane and die.

I think Susan's won't be viable for you and will be dangerous in the circumstances, and I agree WhatsApp isn't a solution. I thought about Starlink, but it's expensive and I bet the FSB have that covered too.

So we need a channel of communication that's safe for you and where the rules are we don't discuss anything that could get you into trouble. It will need to be done a different way and the group would need to be small and very disciplined, but we could provide emotional support that way while we wait for a better solution.

It won't be ideal, but we'll all know the bond we share and why we're there.

Quote from: TanyaG on April 06, 2025, 06:56:45 AMI thought about Starlink, but it's expensive and I bet the FSB have that covered too.

Starlink is banned. If it were available to us, all the local ISPs would go bankrupt. Besides, Starlink requires local ground stations, and my country would never give people internet that it couldn't control, plus SpaceX doesn't do any business in my country. I'm in jail. AAAAAAAA

Quote from: TanyaG on April 06, 2025, 06:56:45 AMSo we need a channel of communication that's safe for you and where the rules are we don't discuss anything that could get you into trouble.

That's a good idea. By the way, Discord is also banned in my country, as well as YouTube. If my VPN goes down, I will lose access to everything. I don't even know where to go. Where to listen to music. On the one hand my hysteria may seem silly, but imagine life without new songs from your favorite artists, without your favorite bloggers. In sepulchral silence. Facebook and Instagram are banned, too, by the way. And imagine what it would be like for my daughter? What's she gonna do? At least pray that my VPN survives.

Hello to all, unfortunately I'm writing a post with not so good news. No one is obliged to do this, but please, if I do not write anything after July 31st delete all my posts and my account, it is necessary for my survival. If I don't write anything on my blog after July 31, it means that we couldn't escape, and I have no more opportunity to make any open activity on the Internet. I don't want to leave and delete everything now, maybe it won't be necessary.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on July 21, 2025, 09:13:58 AMHello to all, unfortunately I'm writing a post with not so good news. No one is obliged to do this, but please, if I do not write anything after July 31st delete all my posts and my account, it is necessary for my survival. If I don't write anything on my blog after July 31, it means that we couldn't escape, and I have no more opportunity to make any open activity on the Internet. I don't want to leave and delete everything now, maybe it won't be necessary.

Hello, Whisper.

Welcome back.

Our thoughts and prayers are with both of you. Hopefully, things will work out soon. We understand your safety concerns and will take care of this end if it needs to happen.

Take care.

Hugs!

Quote from: CaringWhisper on July 21, 2025, 09:13:58 AMHello to all, unfortunately I'm writing a post with not so good news. No one is obliged to do this, but please, if I do not write anything after July 31st delete all my posts and my account, it is necessary for my survival. If I don't write anything on my blog after July 31, it means that we couldn't escape, and I have no more opportunity to make any open activity on the Internet. I don't want to leave and delete everything now, maybe it won't be necessary.

I have tried to send you email, but some of my notes have been blocked. We will take care of you as best we can. We know you are in a difficult situation, and we hope you are able to survive the approaching storm. Good luck, my friend.

Love always -- Jess

Thank you all. Don't delete my account and posts, thank God we are safe. A lot has happened during this time, we were literally walking on a knife edge. The human body is fragile, I noticed how I aged over the past year, perhaps due to stress, perhaps for natural reasons.

I watch the world crumble on the periphery. People who chose the path of hatred naively thought that non-binary personalities who go beyond the usual patriarchal family values are harmful to the state. Let's ban them all, and the state will grow stronger, becoming as unbreakable as a rock. Only two genders, we don't need these perverts. But now it is white hetero male who is destroying peace, democracy, and prosperity. What irony.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on July 29, 2025, 09:06:41 PMThank you all. Don't delete my account and posts, thank God we are safe.

Thanks for the update. We are so happy that you are safe and able to rejoin us!
Great pic!

I'm so glad to hear that you are safe. Thank you for letting us know.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on July 29, 2025, 09:06:41 PMThank you all. Don't delete my account and posts, thank God we are safe.

You're very welcome, CaringWhisper, and I'm so glad you and your daughter are safe.

You look wonderful! 🌹

I love your hair, and your cat is adorable. It's good to see you again, feels like it's been a while. 🫂

Quote from: CaringWhisper on July 29, 2025, 09:06:41 PMA lot has happened during this time, we were literally walking on a knife edge.

I know what you mean, reminds me of the forum's slogan "balanced on the sharp edge of a knife."

So fitting right now.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on July 29, 2025, 09:06:41 PMPeople who chose the path of hatred naively thought that non-binary personalities who go beyond the usual patriarchal family values are harmful to the state. Let's ban them all, and the state will grow stronger, becoming as unbreakable as a rock. Only two genders, we don't need these perverts.

Haha, funny enough, I just learned a new phrase in a another thread here today (Thanks to Tills and Devlyn) "anti-trans trans." Watch out for those too, lol.

Just trying to keep things a little light in the middle of all this, but seriously, thank you for your voice and for seeing us.

From one non-binary soul, I appreciate you. 💗


~ Lilis 🌹

Quote from: Lilis on July 30, 2025, 11:10:30 PMJust trying to keep things a little light in the middle of all this, but seriously, thank you for your voice and for seeing us.
From one non-binary soul, I appreciate you. 💗
~ Lilis 🌹

I'm always happy to see you, Lori, Pema. Anti-trans trans sounds funny. In my country, they are launching a national messenger app that will replace your passport, wallet, and transfer all the information on your phone to the authorities. To encourage people to use it, they are attempting to block competitors. I recently heard this joke:
I answer the phone: "Hello, FSB (FBI analog)."
-"How did you know I'm from the FSB? This is my first time calling you.
-"You called me on my turned-off phone."

I was recently outraged by Trump's comment on the Epstein case. He said that after Epstein kidnapped girls from Trump's spa, Trump severed his friendship with Epstein. In other words, Trump confirmed that there were intimidated girls in his spa salon who could simply be taken away like objects. Is this really Western civilization? It feels like two Eastern despots couldn't divide up their property, the good sultan Trump and the bad Epstein. Will the MAGA movement just swallow this? Are they really such lost people?

Epstein: *abuses underage girls*
Trump: we're good friends.
Epstein: *kidnaps girls from Trump*
Trump: If you don't stop, I'll stop being friends with you.
Epstein: *abuses underage girls*
Trump: I am no longer friends with you.

That made me feel sick. Bring me a paper bag.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on July 31, 2025, 02:09:11 AMI'm always happy to see you, Lori, Pema. Anti-trans trans sounds funny.

Same. 🫂💕

Quote from: CaringWhisper on July 31, 2025, 02:09:11 AMThat made me feel sick. Bring me a paper bag

Agree, and it's disturbing, and I appreciate you naming it with that perfect blend of outrage and defiance.

Now before this becomes Too. Many. Politics. and needs moving to that board...

that's all I'll say about that!  ;D

It's nice seeing you back.


Much love,

~ Lilis 🌹

Quote from: Lilis on July 31, 2025, 11:13:13 PMNow before this becomes Too. Many. Politics. and needs moving to that board...

I don't like politics, I just got angry. I imagined revenge, how all the people I hated were lying dying and twisting in terrible agony, bleeding to death. And suddenly I didn't want revenge, I wanted to preserve my humanity. Even a lousy sheep has a tuft of wool, as we say, even terrible people like Trump can be useful, they help us find common ground with our shadow. In each of us there is a dark basement where our doppelganger, who has been exiled, lives. We don't let anyone into this basement and we don't go down there ourselves. This basement is also home to scary monsters, such as suppressed aggression, animal impulses, unresolved conflicts, destructive thoughts, everything we condemn, and everything we don't want to be, but what we really are. This basement is a very resourceful part of ourselves. In addition to monsters, there are very valuable resources there that we once had to suppress in order to stay in touch with other people. Suppressing ourselves is very mentally exhausting, so when we look into this basement, the tension subsides. A mother who suppresses herself too much will hurt her daughter. For a woman to love her daughter, she must love herself. When she has too much shame, she will suppress her daughter, the ideal continuation of herself, the ideal container of this dark basement. This basement with shadows is especially evident in women or transgender people, because historically and socially, most prohibitions have been imposed on women. In women, this basement with shadows is very, very large, simply enormous. The more righteous a person is in front of you, the more ideal they are, the more terrifying and evil the shadow living in their basement is. And if you don't bring this shadow out of your basement, you will not live your own life. Look at Trump as if he were a mirror; he is a monster sitting somewhere deep inside us. Let that orange face with its ridiculous hairstyle remind us of our darkness; every person has this darkness inside, it is natural. I love my daughter, I went down this path because I stopped suppressing myself.

CaringWhisper, that is one hell of a post.

I always appreciate your poetic, artistic, and therapeutic way of expressing things.

I do love a bit of Shadow Work myself, but I'll need to sit with this one for a couple of days, and read it more than twice before I can offer a proper reply.

There's a lot going on in my own basement, and I haven't dared peek down there in a while.

I think they're doing construction without permits.

Thanks for this clarification.


~ Lilis 🌷

My mum says the devil looks after their own but he takes his payment. Kick back will happen one day.

Quote from: Lilis on August 02, 2025, 12:05:30 AMI think they're doing construction without permits.

Just remind them that without you, they will die, and that it is in their own best interests to protect you and warn you about the construction.

Quote from: davina61 on August 02, 2025, 02:48:07 AMMy mum says the devil looks after their own but he takes his payment. Kick back will happen one day.

He cannot protect because he owns nothing. He was created by his master, he is not equal to his master, and his existence has only one purpose - to be an executioner. What many people mistake for care is just a delay in execution. They say it's better to have a terrible end than endless terror, waiting can be the worst kind of torture, if you subconsciously realize what kind of sentence you will receive in the end, and you cannot ignore this realization.

You know I love you and Kitty Kat both.

Giving you massive hugs.

Thoughts out loud again. Why am I here? How does everyone understand the definition of "woman"? It doesn't matter how women want to be seen by men, more important is what they are really like beneath the social masks, ideals, and roles imposed on them. Relationships between men and women cannot be based on equality or love in the ideal sense, but on instincts of power and survival. Men do not actually love women, they love the image of women, a projection, a carefully crafted illusion that makes them feel safe, inspires them, or even elevates them. This romantic idealization is a dangerous lie that suggests that women are by nature pure, innocent, delicate, and highly virtuous. This is not admiration, it is self-deception. For them, the ideal woman is not a reflection of reality but a fantasy created by men who cannot accept the true complex nature of the female spirit. Instead of accepting this complexity, men have turned women into ideals of virtue, beauty, and emotional salvation, thereby depriving women of their freedom of action and turning them into characters in their own emotional dramas. This is not only unfair, it is cowardly. I know men too well, having observed them from the outside, and I can say that most of them are weak in spirit. When men dress their fears in the clothes of adoration, it is called romance.When their image cracks, they often feel cheated. Women understand from the outset that people fall in love not with reality, but with how they want to see it. In shaping their perception, women do not simply react to the world, they change it. Over centuries of discrimination, women have turned this into a skill that few recognize. Love is always a battlefield where two opposing instincts clash, hidden behind the illusion of romance. Men and women were never made for each other; they had different goals. Men love idealistically, women love instinctively. It is an eternal war where two forces use each other, shape each other, and try to control each other under the guise of unity. Morality is an invention of women for the sake of survival. In a world where brute force decides everything, women had to invent morality as a protective mechanism, emphasizing values such as humility, patience, and self-sacrifice. Women created a system that Western society still lives by today. Morality is strategically effective in gaining soft, invisible power and influence. The Western world as we know it exists thanks to women. In my understanding, transgender people are those who do not want to accept the rules of war.

I hear what you are saying, and I think there are places in the world where those dynamics appear to dominate. But I don't think there's anything innate or inevitable about it. I think these are conditioned patterns adopted by people who are sleepwalking. If people awaken and choose to live consciously, they will follow a different path. Doing so requires individuals to decide that they no longer want to live their lives they way they were taught they had to. Not everyone recognizes they have that option; many who see it are too afraid to take the first step.

But it is happening.

In school, we were discussing the book "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." The discussion boiled down to "men give love to get sex and women give sex to get love." We learned that this implied a biological connection, which is inaccurate. It is more about personality types that are not tied to biology or gender.

For lack of better terminology, we labeled these as "physical" and "emotional" personalities. These were just labels and not to be taken literally. As we delved deeper into our training, we found that the personality type has a strong correlation with the relationships we had with our parents (or other adult relatives) when we were children. Psychology suggests that the Physical types use their body to protect their emotions, while the Emotional types use their emotions to protect their body.

At the extreme ends of the spectrum, we can imagine the stereotypical alpha male macho man vs the woman who cries to get her way. But there are physical type females and emotional type males, as we all know.

In hypnosis, each type responds to suggestions in different ways. Physical types can be given a direct suggestion ("You will quit smoking today"), while the emotional types respond to indirect suggestions ("You may want to quit smoking very soon").

There are a number of tests that we use to indicate which personality type a person is. Some are rather complex, but the easiest indicator is how you sit when relaxed with your feet up.  Toes straight up or close together = emotional type. Feet in a V-shape = physical.

The point is that human behavior is less about biology (sex, hormones, genetics, etc.) and more about personality and emotional reactions.

I like that perspective. Thank you, Lori.

Quote from: Lori Dee on August 03, 2025, 10:27:33 AMThe point is that human behavior is less about biology (sex, hormones, genetics, etc.) and more about personality and emotional reactions.

I agree with you, a person's future is not predetermined by genes and biology. We are all creators of our own destiny. But how often do people go against the crowd?

I look out the window and can practically see the difference between two worlds. The modern Western (modern, postmodern societys) world and its values are feminine, while Islamic civilization, Arab-Muslim culture - masculine. One world was built by women, the other by men. I don't think it's necessary to explain the difference, the last civilization was built regardless of the fact that biology does not influence personality. What is patriarchy? It can be described in a few words: "every creature in pairs." In the wild, it is normal for some males never to get a female, they are either expelled from the pack or lose mating duels to other males. In addition to the personality types and behaviors you described, there are also needs. What male would refuse to satisfy his basic needs? And it doesn't matter what kind of personality he has, he just wants to survive, the survival instinct is stronger. Different personalities can be poisoned by the same lie. If they have the opportunity to go against the laws of nature for the sake of survival, they will create any illusion.

P.S. I don't use scientific works, I just think logically, based on my life experience and the world around me. I may be wrong about something.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot. Listening to politicians, I remember that intellectuals differ from pseudo-intellectuals in that they can explain complex things in simple terms, rather than talking nonsense. I also dislike the trends among psychologists about forgiveness, and if you can't, then you haven't reached my level yet, you are inferior.

Imagine a scene where a child is playing in a sandbox, another child approaches him and breaks his favorite toy. The mothers immediately rush over and start to reconcile the two, forcing the second child to apologize and the first to accept the loss of her favorite toy. When psychologists force us to forgive, they reconcile the first child within us, and we go through stages of grief, forcing ourselves to accept injustice. In my opinion, this is not right.

Mental balance is achieved through justice. If you hate someone, just tell yourself that life will punish them for his actions, that justice will come sooner or later, and that if you are honest with yourself, you will find yourself in a more advantageous position than your offender, but to do this, you need to sincerely become better than him. With this confidence, you will no longer be tormented by mental anguish.

It's cliche, but as it turns out, loving yourself is harder than it seems. You can try to be the best version of yourself, but you're only human, and humans are imperfect. You can try to find love for yourself in the outside world, try to find someone who will love you more than you love yourself. Maybe you'll try to earn someone else's love to feel needed, but that's a dead end. You'll endlessly demand love, resources, and proof of love from other people, you'll just exhaust yourself and others. I've been through this.

You will find yourself broken, and you will blame yourself for all of it. Without loving and pitying yourself, you will begin to treat everyone else the same way, because you simply won't have the resources. Or you will be overcome by apathy, you will withdraw into yourself, and you will simply live out your life without feelings.

If you are reading this, a casual visitor, and you have also had thoughts about self-love, just know that you are not alone. I have come to the conclusion that it is easier not to love yourself in the full sense of the word, but simply to notice the positive qualities, little things, and skills in yourself, because the truth is that each of us can do something well.

Self-love is not a goal, it is a process. You cannot get yourself into good physical shape once and forget about it, you have to train every day, your whole life. And now the main thing is not to focus on the results, but to appreciate the effort. Remember how many tears were shed, how much effort was made, you will feel a sense of inner respect for yourself, even if it is not perfect love.

Thank you for these profound reflections, CaringWhisper. Your thoughts on forced forgiveness particularly resonate—the sandbox analogy captures how we're pressured to "reconcile" with injustice rather than seek genuine resolution. When forgiveness is treated as the only path forward, it can become a demand that the harmed child accept the broken toy and move on. Your insight that "mental balance is achieved through justice" matters, especially in what you're facing.

Your journey toward self-compassion amid persecution takes extraordinary courage. When the state questions your worth as a parent for loving and supporting your daughter—when basic family bonds become political battlegrounds—maintaining self-respect becomes an act of resistance. And you're right: self-love isn't a destination, it's a daily practice of noticing small positives and honoring effort over perfection. That isn't just personal growth; it's survival wisdom.

I also want to acknowledge the broader reality you're navigating. Sadly, the institutions responsible for transgender care in your country have been hijacked by religious fundamentalists pushing a culture that tries to deny the existence of transgender people—much like we're fighting in parts of the United States. That politicization of medicine inflicts real harm on families seeking evidence-based care and basic dignity.

I'm really glad you're here sharing your expereinces with the other parents who are reading what you write, and I've added you to the "Significant Other" member group so other parents and allies can readily find your posts and connect with your perspective. Your philosophical insights carry extra weight because they're forged in real struggle. The combination you describe—seeking justice while practicing imperfect self-care—isn't just good advice; it's how people like you stay whole while fighting for their families.

Keep trusting that process. Your daughter is lucky to have someone who knows that love sometimes means refusing to forgive the unforgivable—and that real healing requires both boundaries and the quiet, daily work of self-respect.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on August 17, 2025, 07:08:14 AMLately, I've been thinking a lot. Listening to politicians, I remember that intellectuals differ from pseudo-intellectuals in that they can explain complex things in simple terms, rather than talking nonsense. I also dislike the trends among psychologists about forgiveness, and if you can't, then you haven't reached my level yet, you are inferior.

Imagine a scene where a child is playing in a sandbox, another child approaches him and breaks his favorite toy. The mothers immediately rush over and start to reconcile the two, forcing the second child to apologize and the first to accept the loss of her favorite toy. When psychologists force us to forgive, they reconcile the first child within us, and we go through stages of grief, forcing ourselves to accept injustice. In my opinion, this is not right.

Mental balance is achieved through justice. If you hate someone, just tell yourself that life will punish them for his actions, that justice will come sooner or later, and that if you are honest with yourself, you will find yourself in a more advantageous position than your offender, but to do this, you need to sincerely become better than him. With this confidence, you will no longer be tormented by mental anguish.

It's cliche, but as it turns out, loving yourself is harder than it seems. You can try to be the best version of yourself, but you're only human, and humans are imperfect. You can try to find love for yourself in the outside world, try to find someone who will love you more than you love yourself. Maybe you'll try to earn someone else's love to feel needed, but that's a dead end. You'll endlessly demand love, resources, and proof of love from other people, you'll just exhaust yourself and others. I've been through this.

You will find yourself broken, and you will blame yourself for all of it. Without loving and pitying yourself, you will begin to treat everyone else the same way, because you simply won't have the resources. Or you will be overcome by apathy, you will withdraw into yourself, and you will simply live out your life without feelings.

If you are reading this, a casual visitor, and you have also had thoughts about self-love, just know that you are not alone. I have come to the conclusion that it is easier not to love yourself in the full sense of the word, but simply to notice the positive qualities, little things, and skills in yourself, because the truth is that each of us can do something well.

Self-love is not a goal, it is a process. You cannot get yourself into good physical shape once and forget about it, you have to train every day, your whole life. And now the main thing is not to focus on the results, but to appreciate the effort. Remember how many tears were shed, how much effort was made, you will feel a sense of inner respect for yourself, even if it is not perfect love.

CaringWhisper, this really reads like insight forged in fire.

I've always leaned on forgiveness for myself, but I can see how your vision of justice creates a different kind of peace, one rooted in integrity.

I also like what you said about self-love being more about noticing the small positives than trying to achieve some grand, final 'arrival.'

That makes it feel real, human, and possible.


~ Lilis 🌷

Quote from: Susan on August 17, 2025, 08:24:05 AMI'm really glad you're here sharing your expereinces with the other parents who are reading what you write, and I've added you to the "Significant Other" member group so other parents and allies can readily find your posts and connect with your perspective. Your philosophical insights carry extra weight because they're forged in real struggle. The combination you describe—seeking justice while practicing imperfect self-care—isn't just good advice; it's how people like you stay whole while fighting for their families.

Thank you, Susan, I'm flattered, but perhaps you're overestimating me. I don't want to take responsibility for the advice that pops into my head. First and foremost, I write my blog to help myself, to express and pour out what's hidden in my head. In any case, thank you.

Quote from: Lilis on August 17, 2025, 10:00:37 AMCaringWhisper, this really reads like insight forged in fire.

I've always leaned on forgiveness for myself, but I can see how your vision of justice creates a different kind of peace, one rooted in integrity.

I also like what you said about self-love being more about noticing the small positives than trying to achieve some grand, final 'arrival.'

That makes it feel real, human, and possible.

~ Lilis 🌷

Hey, Lilis. By the way, remember when we talked about the shadow side of personality that every person has? Have you ever wondered why people want to appear so perfect? It's a utopia. People don't believe in perfection because even without knowing anything about psychology, they intuitively understand that it's a lie, that it's not a real personality. Everyone tries to deceive their friends, everyone knows that they know about deception, but they still put on the masks of perfect and proper puritans. I don't understand people like that.

I don't want to be "strong," I don't want to be called a "strong woman." Strength can only be understood in comparison to weakness. A strong person either physically or morally defeats another weak person, or is capable of an act that many are not capable of. Thus, by trying to become strong, we prove something to someone else, which means we live not for ourselves but for others. If we lived our whole lives alone, without knowing any stories about other people, we would know nothing about strength. I forget about the word strength, I don't think about it, I just listen to myself. I like the word peace. The most peaceful state I can describe is from a scene in the original Matrix trilogy, the last film, where the ship emerges from the dark world and Trinity sees a beautiful picture of the sun above the clouds. This is the best state you can feel amid pain and difficulties, it heals, and I don't think there is anything greater. And when you feel this, you feel more alive than ever, more alive than modern images of happiness and success. In this modern race for goals and happiness, you don't live, you just exist. One goal follows another, and in this crazy race, time flies by too quickly. You stop and don't notice how 10 years have passed unnoticed.

I studied stoicism, and here is my critique of stoicism: stoicism is positioned by modern trends as a universal psychological remedy, as a paradigm of thinking capable of nurturing a productive, disciplined personality. And yes, the aesthetic aspect of stoicism is really not bad. It's a beautiful picture. But the devil is in the details: pain is inevitable in this life, as is the presence of evil in the world. Stoicism is silent about the nature of pain and the nature of evil. Stoicism is silent about who or what determines a person's duty. The ancient Greek stoics would say that duty is determined by the gods, while modern stoics would say that duty is based on justice and responsibility, reason and morality, civil norms of society. However, everyone's sense of justice and morality is different, and civic norms are determined by "lions", and to become a "lion", one must abandon morality and a sense of justice. Every person on their path encounters pain that must be overcome, but not every pain must be endured, and certainly not manifestations of evil. Not every pain is necessary, and stoicism does not teach how to deal with it. Stoicism is another big lie. Stoicism acknowledges the existence of God, but God is far from playing the leading role, and since stoic philosophy recognizes the existence of a higher power, something more dangerous fills the vacant place - financial capital, the sterile ideology of success, the cult of dictators, and other such anti-humanistic guidelines. I came across an article in Forbes praising the stoics. The distortion and reversal of higher meanings has become the basis of the main idea of the mainstream media. In general, Stoicism does not suit me, I will go look for something else.

I am trying "beauty meditation," I just listen to the silence in a cozy corner among the flowers. I want to spend my old age in a little house somewhere far from the city, in a small private garden. The constant work of caring for plants will keep me from withering away, and their beauty will help me forget my fears.

Another beautiful picture, Whisper. Thank you for sharing your beauty and thoughts!

Quote from: CaringWhisper on August 25, 2025, 11:13:47 PMHey, Lilis. By the way, remember when we talked about the shadow side of personality that every person has?

Hii CaringWhisper,

Yes, and I haven't forgotten. Recently, life has been a little busy, getting my Son ready to go back to school, some birthdays celebrations a funeral and so on.....

But even though I haven't had the chance to sit down and respond. I will jump on it when opportunity arises.

QuoteHave you ever wondered why people want to appear so perfect? It's a utopia. People don't believe in perfection because even without knowing anything about psychology, they intuitively understand that it's a lie, that it's not a real personality. Everyone tries to deceive their friends, everyone knows that they know about deception, but they still put on the masks of perfect and proper puritans. I don't understand people like that.

Yeah, I get what you mean, it really can feel fake when people act like they're spotless saints.

I'll admit, I've been guilty of that at certain points in my life. It wasn't so much that I believed my own mask, but more that I was afraid of being seen as messy or flawed.

Vulnerability is hard, and pretending to be "perfect" felt safer, even though deep down I knew the mask I was wearing wasn't real.

Because of that lived experience, I can understand why some people still pretend there's nothing wrong in their lives.

These days, especially as I've been learning and practicing authenticity through my transition, I'd much rather sit with someone's real shadows than their polished mask of purity.

So, I agree with your points at least then, we truly know who we're with.

Oh, I agree with Lori, you are shining in the pictures you've shared, and I love your makeup![/quote]



~ Lilis 🌷🦇

Quote from: Lori Dee on August 26, 2025, 09:27:23 AMAnother beautiful picture, Whisper. Thank you for sharing your beauty and thoughts!

Quote from: Lilis on August 26, 2025, 04:09:08 PMOh, I agree with Lori, you are shining in the pictures you've shared, and I love your makeup!
~ Lilis 🌷🦇

It's funny, some people think my makeup is peasant.

Quote from: Lilis on August 26, 2025, 04:09:08 PMI'll admit, I've been guilty of that at certain points in my life. It wasn't so much that I believed my own mask, but more that I was afraid of being seen as messy or flawed.
~ Lilis 🌷🦇

You answered my question. You was afraid. The desire to look perfect is a defense mechanism, a camouflage from the predatory nature of humans who seek out vulnerabilities, so you feel more at ease. There is no need to apologize or feel guilty, it is normal.

Cowardice, especially extreme cowardice, is a great gift. The more you are afraid, the more phobias you have, the greater your potential. The source of these monsters in your basement is you yourself. And if you can create a monster that paralyzes you with fear, the greater your magnificence. That is why the greatest people in human history are the sickest and most cowardly people in the world, suffering from a multitude of phobias and deviations. Imagine Lovecraft waking up in terror on dark nights in a cold sweat. His phobias are a great gift and a great burden. I don't think anyone will ever be able to eclipse his talent. If I hadn't understood this, I wouldn't have been able to survive and influence people the way I do now. Welcome to the exclusive club if you can feel it too. Always look for ways into burrows, catacombs, and labyrinths where the darkness is soft as a feather bed and the world is invisible. I'll be there too.

I mentioned that I did not want to be strong, and Lori Dee's comment about genetics not influencing human behavior in Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus - I disagreed with that. And now another thought came to my mind - some of us don't feel fear, you can open a video of extreme climbers standing without holding on to the top of the tallest television tower in the US, just watching this video fills me with fear. Nature has made us different. People with a dulled sense of fear are soldiers, like ants. The task of the fearless is to explore new territories. If there were no such people among us, we would never have discovered America, but if there were too many of them, humanity would simply die out. Someone has to be afraid and raise their offspring at home, unwilling to leave their native places. Nostalgia for one's native home is also a defense mechanism created by nature or someone supreme.

Recently, a tragedy unfolded: climber Natalya Nagovitsyna broke her leg and was left on the top of Mount Pobeda. During the rescue attempt by Nagovitsyna, an MI-8 helicopter crashed, all rescuers were heavy injured, climbers Luca and Gunter died, another rescuer Bair Batuiev from Buryatia suffered a spinal injury and is in the hospital. Please don't tell me that if she had succeeded, she wouldn't have taken lots of photos and videos and posted them on Instagram with a pretentious comment containing meaning: -"Look how strong I am, be jealous". She wanted to do it not for herself, but for others, and she dragged those others down with her. Ten hours ago, Natalia died, officially. I feel sorry for people who are devoid of fear, they are necessary and fulfill a certain function, but nevertheless, they are locked within certain boundaries. In this case, genetics influence a person, but in any case, genetics can be overcome, even if it requires enormous mental effort. Don't try to get rid of your fears, embrace these monsters. You need them, and they need you.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on August 27, 2025, 11:53:03 PMIt's funny, some people think my makeup is peasant.

I'm still trying to get the hang of it, so yeah from an untrained eye it looks great.  ;D

QuoteYou answered my question. You was afraid. The desire to look perfect is a defense mechanism, a camouflage from the predatory nature of humans who seek out vulnerabilities, so you feel more at ease. There is no need to apologize or feel guilty, it is normal.

Cowardice, especially extreme cowardice, is a great gift. The more you are afraid, the more phobias you have, the greater your potential. The source of these monsters in your basement is you yourself. And if you can create a monster that paralyzes you with fear, the greater your magnificence. That is why the greatest people in human history are the sickest and most cowardly people in the world, suffering from a multitude of phobias and deviations. Imagine Lovecraft waking up in terror on dark nights in a cold sweat. His phobias are a great gift and a great burden. I don't think anyone will ever be able to eclipse his talent. If I hadn't understood this, I wouldn't have been able to survive and influence people the way I do now. Welcome to the exclusive club if you can feel it too. Always look for ways into burrows, catacombs, and labyrinths where the darkness is soft as a feather bed and the world is invisible. I'll be there too.

CaringWhisper, I hear you, you've given me a perspective that sees fear and phobia as a strange kind of gift, a doorway into creativity, depth, and even influence.

I respect that, and I can see how people like Lovecraft or other deeply sensitive souls channeled their fears into something powerful.

For me, though, I see fear a little differently.

I don't think of cowardice as a gift in itself, but as a signal, something that reveals where I am most vulnerable, and where I also have the most potential for growth.

I don't necessarily want to dwell forever in the 'labyrinth' of fear, even if it has its own richness; instead, I want to move through it, and hopefully transform it into courage, connection, or love.

So while I can meet you in that awareness of how deep fear can shape a person, I hold onto the hope that it isn't only the sickest or most haunted who can create something meaningful.

To me, courage isn't the absence of fear but the act of stepping forward even when fear is present.


~ Lilis 🌷 🦇

Quote from: Lilis on August 28, 2025, 12:07:59 PMI don't think of cowardice as a gift in itself, but as a signal, something that reveals where I am most vulnerable, and where I also have the most potential for growth.

I don't necessarily want to dwell forever in the 'labyrinth' of fear, even if it has its own richness; instead, I want to move through it, and hopefully transform it into courage, connection, or love.

So while I can meet you in that awareness of how deep fear can shape a person, I hold onto the hope that it isn't only the sickest or most haunted who can create something meaningful.

To me, courage isn't the absence of fear but the act of stepping forward even when fear is present.

Fears are a protective reaction of your mind. By trying to overcome your feelings of fear, to suppress them, you are fighting against yourself. If you are familiar with the work of Edgar Albert Guest, in one of his poems he correctly noted that courage is not some fleeting emotion. Under the influence of adrenaline, it is very easy to be brave and shout something grandiose. This is how all wars began. Courage is a constant quality on an everyday level, when you are constantly in the same state all the time. Every time you try to overcome your fear, you suffer, and I don't think you want to suffer every day, every hour, every minute. What I want to say is: don't suffer. My path is to embrace my fears and integrate my shortcomings, deviations, and secret desires into my persona, forming a healthy and complete personality, not a mask which rejects everything for the sake of a beautiful picture of courage. Live in harmony with yourself, find the entrance to your labyrinth of fear, and fall asleep there like a child on mother's chest.

We all love charismatic movie antagonists. Don't tell me you've never loved negative characters who had certain principles and a certain outlook on life, their own, albeit dark, sense of justice. Love for antagonists is love for yourself, monsters in your basement.

You will never defeat the fear of death. You may feel victorious over this fear in moments of bravery, but after a while, it will resurface, you will not be able to maintain victory over it for your entire life. This is an example of how courage in certain cases is just another lie. Just embrace the fear, and suffering will be replaced by pleasant melancholy. The same goes for the fear of old age, when the body crumbles like sand.

Thanks Caringwhisper 💕

For me, light and shadow are both teachers, but I'm drawn to transformation through facing fear, rather than resting in it.

While I respect your embrace of labyrinths and softness in darkness, my own heart leans toward walking through those tunnels until I find an opening where fear is reshaped into freedom.

I think maybe both of our views can coexist, each revealing a different kind of truth. 🙂


~ Lilis 🌷🦇

Quote from: Lilis on August 29, 2025, 06:17:35 AMI think maybe both of our views can coexist, each revealing a different kind of truth. 🙂

Maybe. Never try to placate me, Lilis. No one is obligated to be kind to me or agree with everything I say. My life has made me bitter, and even if I don't mean to be rude to anyone, I do it unconsciously. My position sometimes sounds unpopular, harsh, and abrupt. I sincerely do not wish ill on my allies. You all supported me when I was down, and I am immensely grateful to you. I am simply not interested in talking to people who always agree and nod along. People should always have their own views on things, even if they are on the same side of the fence. I wanted to invite you to play this game. Don't be afraid to disagree with me. My true nature is such that I can stab you in the stomach with a knife while smiling and giving you a bouquet of flowers with my other hand. Everyone survives as best they can. The little girl on the photo will grow up to be a she-wolf, and her enemies will regret crossing her path.

BTW, If you haven't read Abercrombie's First Law trilogy, I recommend it, it's the best dark fantasy I've read.

And yes, thank you so much for visiting my blog.

Quote from: CaringWhisper on August 29, 2025, 08:49:54 AMI am simply not interested in talking to people who always agree and nod along. People should always have their own views on things, even if they are on the same side of the fence. I wanted to invite you to play this game. Don't be afraid to disagree with me.

That is exactly what I have done.

Anyhow, I'll leave it at that, it's okay to agree to disagree.


Good luck in your journey.


~ Lilis 🌷🦇

Quote from: CaringWhisper on August 25, 2025, 11:13:47 PMI don't want to be "strong," I don't want to be called a "strong woman." Strength can only be understood in comparison to weakness. A strong person either physically or morally defeats another weak person, or is capable of an act that many are not capable of. Thus, by trying to become strong, we prove something to someone else, which means we live not for ourselves but for others.

I don't agree with this, Whisper, and I'll try to explain why. You are right in a way that strength and weakness are two sides of the same coin. But it isn't about other people. It isn't about other people at all. It's about yourself. Because we have the capacity to be at both extremes, or somewhere in the middle. Everyone in their lives has times where they feel weak. Where they feel inadequate. Where they feel that they don't deserve something, or can't do something, or even should not be around to be a burden to the world.

This weakness leads to self-hate. Self-loathing. And a cycle that spirals forever downwards. You think you're weak, so you don't try, so you think you're weaker. And you try even less. You look for ways out. Ways to escape. Ways to forget it all for however brief a time... until one day, you just give up. It has nothing to do with other people. Everyone else has their own issues and it's all relative. It only has to do with where you are, where you were, and where you want to be.

I know you, Whisper. And when I call you strong it has nothing to do with anyone else. It has to do with knowing what you've been through, how you feel about a lot of things, and what you've done in your life. When the weakest, easiest answer to everything is to just give up and let it all end. When you blame yourself for a lot of things that aren't your fault. When you see things you could have, or should have done differently and wonder why you even keep going.

I tried to take that easy way out, repeatedly. To just close my eyes and let it all end. But... for whatever reason... I am still here. And since that time, when I was weak... and hated myself, blamed myself, tried to destroy myself... I got stronger. And you did, too. I am stronger now. And I am proud of that. Because I know what I was, and I am not that anymore. You are stronger now, because you are not what you were, either. And you've given that strength to your little girl. Weakness isn't seen in others unless you have something wrong with you that causes you to look for it. Weakness is only seen within yourself. And therein you have two choices. Succumb to it, or change it.

You did the latter. I did the latter. We are both strong. And I will never stop thinking that even if you don't think that about yourself. It doesn't need to be shown off, it doesn't need to be spoke about... sometimes just getting through the day is a sign. But it's a sign nonetheless, and is there for others to see even when we don't.

*hugs*

You will never stop being strong in my eyes, because I know what you've overcome and what demons haunt you, in order to get there. Other people have their own lives. This is about the individual. 🙂 Strength is personal first, interpersonal second, okay? And just knowing that can sometimes make things easier. Strength isn't something people have by just exercising their physical muscles... it's their psychological ones, too. It's the same thing, in a different way. You don't take anything away from anyone, you give things to yourself that you deserve for the effort you put in.

This week has been just awful. It all started when Windows on my computer crashed. I tried to download the official image, but I couldn't. Microsoft prohibits downloading their product from my location, and I don't blame them. It's understandable, it's a commercial product, and if they can't make money in my country because of sanctions, they have the right to prohibit me from downloading it. I couldn't even download it using a VPN, since VPN IP addresses have long been known to the corps. I went to install Linux, and that's when I got a surprise. Cisco blocked libopenh264 for my country. This means that I can't update for the first time, I can't even install a firewalld, it's also means that I can't to install even a program via Flatpak from the store. Linux is no longer free and accessible to everyone.

On top of that, September 1st rolled around, which meant school for my daughter and a heated conversation with her homeroom teacher. Basically, the whole week was spent running around dealing with my daughter's new school, trying to install OS on my computer, and working on a money-making business. I didn't even have time to think and reflect. I'll respond to everyone, but later. I just don't have the energy right now.

I learned something about training cats. When a kitten plays with your hand, you can't pull it away, otherwise the kitten's hunting instinct will be awakened, as your hand behaves like potential prey. The kitten will grow up and pounce on your feet. Therefore, remain calm and do not let predators know that you are prey.

*gives you a big hug*

Hi CaringWhisper

I noticed the problems with you in regards to installing a Linux OS.  I'm a long time user of Fedora and the following thoughts on your issues.

Community Linux downloads are generally possible in Russia with or without a VPN, but success can depend on whether a particular site or mirror is blocked inside Russia and paid enterprise products are restricted due to sanctions and vendor exits.  Use official mirrors or torrents, verify files, and be mindful of Russia's 2025 rules about accessing prohibited content with a VPN.
 
What is actually blocked
Cisco's OpenH264 download host is geo-blocked for some countries including Russia. Fedora's "fedora-cisco-openh264" repo pulls its H.264 binaries from that host, so on Fedora the repo can fail or stall in those regions. discussion.fedoraproject.org+2docs.fedoraproject.org+2
Russia has tightened internet controls which can also affect CDNs that many projects use. That makes some mirrors or app stores flaky inside Russia.

What this means
OpenH264 is only a video codec. It is not required for system updates, Flatpak itself, or firewalld. Repo timeouts from that Cisco source can make updates look broken, but the fix is to disable that one repo then update normally.

Firewalld is a separate Fedora package. packages.fedoraproject.org

Quick fixes on Fedora when Cisco's repo is blocked.
1.  Disable the Cisco OpenH264 repos, clear metadata, then update
sudo dnf config-manager --set-disabled fedora-cisco-openh264 updates-cisco-openh264
sudo dnf clean all
sudo dnf upgrade

For Fedora 41 with dnf5
sudo dnf5 config-manager --set-disabled fedora-cisco-openh264 updates-cisco-openh264
sudo dnf5 clean dbcache
sudo dnf5 upgrade

This stops DNF from hanging on the unreachable host. Fedora's own repos will update fine. Fedora docs explain that the Cisco repo exists only to deliver the codec from Cisco. docs.fedoraproject.org

2.  Install firewalld after updates finish[/b]
sudo dnf install firewalld
sudo systemctl enable --now firewalld
The firewalld package is independent of OpenH264. packages.fedoraproject.org

If you want H.264 later without Cisco's host.  Use RPM Fusion to get codec stacks that do not rely on Cisco's binaries.  Fedora's docs and RPM Fusion's site show how to enable those repos. docs.fedoraproject.org+1

Flatpak notes when in Russia
Flathub has had Russia-specific access issues. You can switch the remote to an alternate front if dl.flathub.org is slow or blocked.
flatpak remote-modify flathub --url=https://front-ams.flathub.org
This workaround comes from Flathub issue threads and can help when the default endpoint is filtered.

Apps that rely on OpenH264 may still try to fetch Cisco's binary at runtime. If that fetch is geo-blocked the app can fail to add H.264.  That is a Cisco host issue, not a Flatpak issue.

Linux itself remains free and accessible.  The roadblock is a single optional codec source plus general Russian network filtering.  Disable the Cisco repo, complete updates, install firewalld, then add codecs from RPM Fusion or use formats that do not need H.264.  This avoids the block and keeps the system fully functional.

I hope this outline helps you to install.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@CaringWhisper