Susan's Place Transgender Resources

That is the question.

But in all seriousness - the whole genital loathing thing - I ain't got it. Never had it.
Only thing about my body I ever loathed was having tits (and awesome ones at that) and menses. Instead of despising my (meow) and innards, I've always been fascinated by them in a detached way. I love the way my body functions and what it does for me.
Just never gave a rat's behind that I was granted female genitals instead of male ones. Except for what it meant. I do hate what my genitals say to society.

So, this is a discussion about birth genitals and what they mean or meant to you.
Like em or loathe em - do share.

despised mine.  glad they are goooone....

Don't mind my genitals in the least :)

I dislike my internal reproductive tract however, and the process it goes through.  And I don't enjoy my breasts at all either.

They exist. I don't really pay attention.

QuoteOnly thing about my body I ever loathed was having tits.

Same. Get rid. Get rid! GET RID!

No.
I don't.

Hate is a very strong word.

I don't prefer this state.
But I don't hate myself either.


Sara

Sort of like/dislike.

Benifits: less awkward when using the facilities (i.e, bushes) in the wilderness. Functional for ... uh, recreation.  :icon_redface:

Drawbacks: just plain awkward and in the way. I guess a bit like breasts for ftm's. Awkward to conceal. Really painful if they get in the way of a stray soccer ball or the like.  :o Times like that, the scale definitely tips toward hate.

There's nothing I want more in my life than for them to go away.  I HATE HATE them.

Okay, first off, *that thing* was never "mine".  *it* was attached to me, but *it* was never a part of me.  I tried to take care of *it* on three separate occasions but I wasn't able to.  The pain was too intense, and the sight of blood made me give up.  I HATED, HATED, HATED, HATED, HATED, HATED HATED, HATED, HATED, HATED, *that thing* with all my might.  I hope that Dr. Meltzer fed some male rabid pitbulls with *that thing*.


tink :icon_chick:

I could give or take them.  What I do dislike for some reason is the hair...especially in the last few years.

I can't necessarily say I hate them.  The main reason is that I look at them now as donor material.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi

I don't like it, I wish I didn't have it, I hate using it, but I don't think I hate it.  What bothers me more than it's presence on my body is that people can see that it's there.  I hate what having it stands for more than physically having it, I guess.  I don't know, it really just shouldn't be here at all, but it is so I do my best to deal with it.

Final Answer: TO NOT HATE

Why?
There are goods and bads and screw the binary, thats why. Anyway...
Me and my genitalia have a kind of symbiotic business relationship. I beat the crap out of it, and it gives me dopamine. I don't really love it. I see this as a chore like eating or sleeping.

I don't hate it, its just not my scene really. The only thing I've hated is not identifying with my body and feeling disconnected from it. I've usually hated my testicles more actually cause they're the root of hair, and things which disgust me about my body.

I've never had a moment with a knife in my hand, but I've apathetically turned the bathwater up pretty high rather than fear anything bad sterilizing me like most males.

*sigh

For the sake of my role in the world I wish I could use it or loose it at will. The only thing I've hated is not identifying with my body and feeling disconnected from it.

I've always felt that something was missing, and that my *meow* never really worked for me, but I don't hate it. I try to work with what I have.

However, I don't think I could live with it indefinitely as is. I kinda need a minor(major) addition down there.

I absolutely, without a doubt in my mind, HATE :icon_evil: them. If I weren't so sure I'd bleed to death they would've been cut off a LONG time ago. I cannot stand them nor do I except them and the sooner thier gone the sooner I'm rid of a plague that has haunted me since the say I was born.

This may sound harsh to some of you, but, I have a deep hatred for what is between my legs and the pain and dispaire that it has caused me.

Anyway for the most part yes, YES, I do HATE them and wish thier timely dimise.

Don't hate.  How could I?  If I didn't have "it," I wouldn't have the donor material to soon have the vagina I want.  I don't like the social symbolism ascribed to the penis, but to hate a body part?  I don't know, it just seems weird, like saying one hates one's left eye or one's ring finger.  Reminds me of people who must have their healthy leg amputated for mental reasons.  Now, of course, there ARE plenty of transpeople who hate their genitals, and that's okay, I just can't say as I understand it.

Lia

I'm grateful for the wonderful times my gonads have given me.

I'll be just as grateful for the times I'll enjoy when they're gone.

Right now, I'm just appreciating them staying there, being good tissue to convert into the more appropriate orifice I'm looking for.

So no, I've never hated my genitals.  They've gotten annoying at times.  I'd feel much better w/out them, but I can't say I haven't gotten anything out of them though.

Quote from: Annwyn on February 27, 2008, 10:41:23 PM
I'm grateful for the wonderful times my gonads have given me.

I'll be just as grateful for the times I'll enjoy when they're gone.

Right now, I'm just appreciating them staying there, being good tissue to convert into the more appropriate orifice I'm looking for.

So no, I've never hated my genitals.  They've gotten annoying at times.  I'd feel much better w/out them, but I can't say I haven't gotten anything out of them though.

There are some experiences one would never get without teh gonads...

Quote from: redfish on February 27, 2008, 11:19:02 PM
studies have actually shown that you can achieve orgasm from any part of your body



(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.hardwarelogic.com%2Farticles%2Fblogs%2FWebsite_Reviews_and_You%2FMoreYouKnow.jpg&hash=b0452bcc7c7b8621890633ed802d91e90945e21d)

I want to be part of those studies...

Sooo badly.

:-)

Wait... thread hijack much?

Where's all the people talkin 'bout how much their genitals make them feel suicidal?

It depends how i feel each day, lol.  Somedays i hate mine - the sight or thought of them fills me with disgust, they are just a useless, horrible wrongness (if thats a word), and i'd give anything to get rid of them.

Yet somedays, they don't bother me.  i never like them, but i feel ambivalent to them.  They still feel wrong, but they don't feel part of me somehow.  they're just there, just a mild curiousity.

they're always a constant nuisance though, i'm always terrified that they might be visible, and always checking.

I am in the strongly dislike to dislike range, depending on my mood and the emotional rollercoaster I am on.   Hate is too strong a word and I rarely use it.
I do not like others looking at my crotch, that probably annoys me the most!!

Quote from: Osiris on February 27, 2008, 10:12:01 PM
I don't hate it. I try to work with what I have.

However, I don't think I could live with it indefinitely as is. I kinda need a minor(major) addition down there.

Major is better :laugh:  yep I gotta agree w/osiris.  same here :) :) :)

Hate is much too strong a word. Yes, they feel wrong and are annoying, and I've wished to get rid of them since before they started growing up. On the other hand, they also allow me to have a straight relationship with the person I love, even if I have to go through all kinds of mental hoops to get things work as advertised.

If I was able to magically change just one aspect of my physical body, I don't think my genitals would be it. They'd be pretty high on the list, though.

  Nfr

When I pre-transition "it" didn't bother me much, my dysphoria was more social than physical.  But once I went full-time the attention shifted to "it".  But it was never hate, just a "That doesn't belong there!".  I focused on the fact that it was necessary donor material and it's days we numbered. >:D Now it's getting harder and harder to believe it was ever there as it's replacement feels so natural.  ;D

Hate is perhaps too strong a word (but only just) ... My feelings have kinda changed over time as well. In the deep, dark days of denial, I ignored it like a stop-sign, and if I did have to have dealings with it - well, there just weren't very many such occasions.

As I grew more aware of myself again, I discovered that I really didn't like the thing much - and settled on regarding it a very bad design - proof positive that God must have been drunk or still testing designs when he made Adam, realised her mistake afterwards and made Eve instead.

That feeling has grown gradually stronger though, until now I simply loathe the thing and want it gone.

I've never liked them....if I have a bath I put in plenty of bubbles so I can't see them.

Hate isn't a strong word for me to use about myself. I think though I hate more that I didn't act on the feelings I had when the time was prime to make a change. Now that I've grown to full adult materials I'd have to work that much more to change to what I'd like, even though the image of what I'd want for myself is far beyond reasonable for what technology can offer today.

But the subject at hand, I do loath the thing I was born into. I can't even make believe that I'm human sometimes because of the way I feel on a day to day basis, the way "it" makes me feel on a day to day basis. The way society expects me to be because I have "it" and not the other. But my hate isn't just subject to one item on my list. But "it" does take the brunt of my aggression.

I do though hate that this thing seems to have it's own schedule for getting up and stretching it's leg. Nothing worse then having to schedule my day around something that in all due respect I should have control over.

Quote from: Seshatneferw on February 28, 2008, 05:50:21 AM
On the other hand, they also allow me to have a straight relationship with the person I love, even if I have to go through all kinds of mental hoops to get things work as advertised.

Could not agree more, but if i had the chance to not be in a relationship at all, I would take the chance (depending on the circumstances).

I don't hate them, but would prefer having a different set  ;) I live with the ones I have though.... As others have mentioned, I also dislike the societal assumptions that are attached.

Z

Quote from: Natasha on February 28, 2008, 06:22:18 PM
::) ::) i'll be damned.  god forbid i say the H word. ::)  but wait, i don't believe in god and as far as i know, this is an individual poll so i can say whatever i want about my body parts, yes?

Sure can. I say the H word about my tits. probably a very similar feeling to yours about your genitals.

Quote from: Natasha on February 28, 2008, 06:22:18 PM
::) ::) i'll be damned.  god forbid i say the H word. ::)  but wait, i don't believe in god and as far as i know, this is an individual poll so i can say whatever i want about my body parts, yes?

Yes, you can say anything  ;)

Z

they're alright, but they get in the way sometimes

Quote from: Nero on February 28, 2008, 06:30:48 PM
Sure can. I say the H word about my tits. probably a very similar feeling to yours about your genitals.

Tits.  Lol.

I'm gonna buy a shirt in a year or two that says, "stop staring at my pectoralis major.  I know it's bigger than yours."

Definitely HATE... If I didn't need *it* in order to have a vagina, I would have cut *it* off already.  Early on in transition I didn't hate, but I do now, and it is getting worse by the day.  Two weeks ago while in Ann Taylor Loft's dressing room I tried to rip *it* off through my jeans.  Of course it didn't work, but it felt good.  That wasn't a concious decision.  It was definitely an irrational decision.  It was when I was at one of my most despressed/angry at the world/resentful towards all women with God-given vaginas moments.

This topic brings something else up... you admit suicidal or similar thoughts like mutilation of genitals and your therapist is required to report it (at least where I live).  This is so backwards to a TS, because we just want the correct genitals, and money will get them, and institutionilizing us makes us lose money, and possibly our job, and a therapist really can't actually FIX the problem, unless of course they are really good with a scalpel.  BTW, no I haven't been institutionilized.  It has just always been one of those catch-22's that bugged me.

Amy

Quote from: Natasha on February 28, 2008, 06:22:18 PM
::) ::) i'll be damned.  god forbid i say the H word. ::)  but wait, i don't believe in god and as far as i know, this is an individual poll so i can say whatever i want about my body parts, yes?

you sure can, just like the rest of us :)

I loathe them.  If there was a stronger word than loathe, I'd use it.  Only six months, three weeks, one day until their demise.

Its actually kind of funny in a twisted sort of way to look in the mirror.  Almost like WHAT THE F$#@ IS THAT.  Most days I just kind of don't think about it too much and get on with my day.  It will probably be a year or two until I can get rid of it, but oh well not much I can do about it at the moment.

Audrey

Haha.

W/ the way my nipples have been hurting so much lately and getting in the way, I'm about ready to say I hate my tiny little boobs!

But that'd defeat the purpose of all this :D

Quote from: Zythyra on February 28, 2008, 08:31:36 AM
I don't hate them, but would prefer having a different set  ;) I live with the ones I have though.... As others have mentioned, I also dislike the societal assumptions that are attached.

Z

I do hate the assumptions, yes.

And Outlaw Star ftw Annwyn.

Quote from: deviousxen on February 29, 2008, 08:31:53 AM
And Outlaw Star ftw Annwyn.

Meh. Give me Cowboy Bebop any day ...  :P

You kidding me? Outlaw had one of the best characters and lines in it ever. I do love Cowboy mind you... But,

"NOTHING GOOD CAN EVER COME FROM STAYING WITH NORMAL PEOPLE!"

Ah... I miss him.

Quote from: deviousxen on February 29, 2008, 08:48:53 AM
"NOTHING GOOD CAN EVER COME FROM STAYING WITH NORMAL PEOPLE!"

I tend to watch fansubs, so somewhere along the line either I had a bad sub, or that didn't translate so well, or, ... but...

THAT'S MY NEW MOTTO!

I have always tried to compress and get rid of my boobs. I don't know why I didn't realize I was trans earlier. I would say a strongly dislike them. Since I got my first binder I have felt much better. I decided to bind and present this past weekend and absolutely loved it. I felt way more comfortable with myself. Ever since then I just haven't been able to go back to not binding, it feels so wrong.

Quote from: Stephen on February 29, 2008, 11:37:54 AM
I have always tried to compress and get rid of my boobs. I don't know why I didn't realize I was trans earlier. I would say a strongly dislike them. Since I got my first binder I have felt much better. I decided to bind and present this past weekend and absolutely loved it. I felt way more comfortable with myself. Ever since then I just haven't been able to go back to not binding, it feels so wrong.

The flip side to us M to F's...

Quote from: Nero on February 28, 2008, 06:30:48 PM

Quote from: Natasha on February 28, 2008, 06:22:18 PM
::) ::) i'll be damned.  god forbid i say the H word. ::)  but wait, i don't believe in god and as far as i know, this is an individual poll so i can say whatever i want about my body parts, yes?

Sure can. I say the H word about my tits. probably a very similar feeling to yours about your genitals.

i thought so.  thank you nero :)

Quote from: deviousxen on February 29, 2008, 08:31:53 AM

And Outlaw Star ftw Annwyn.

Idk if any of you have noticed, but I'm EXACTLY like Aisha!

In fact, ima chainging my last name to Klanklan.

Posted on: February 29, 2008, 06:06:48 PM

---

Quote from: deviousxen on February 29, 2008, 08:48:53 AM
You kidding me? Outlaw had one of the best characters and lines in it ever. I do love Cowboy mind you... But,

"NOTHING GOOD CAN EVER COME FROM STAYING WITH NORMAL PEOPLE!"

Ah... I miss him.

Idk.

My Hime has an even better line.

"Get off of her.  Those are MY melons!"

I hate my genitals (for a few more months or so).  I have however refrained from damaging them~  I'll need them for surgery.  If they weren't necessary for surgery, I would have already chopped them clean off and thoroughly bashed them with a large hammer! But let's not get ahead of ourselves~  They will be taught their listen soon enough o..o

I guess I hate them to. But last year was the last time I have done anything to them. At that moment realize after passing out from the pain and waking up in more pain that it might be better just to take a trip to Philadelphia to see a doctor when I get my money saved. The pain does not go away after your genitals goes numb it goes in to your abdomen also. About 3 weeks ago I found myself looking at Burdizzos wondering how bad it could be. I would really hate to go hospital in ambulance and go through all that pain. Just to wake up in a hospital bed and having a doctor say "we manage to save your testicles here is a $4000 bill".

Anna

Yeah, I've thought about trying to cut my testicles out, but then I know that they'd "save" them and I'd be back where I started, or something equally bad in luck.

Quote from: Vivian on March 01, 2008, 10:29:25 AM
Yeah, I've thought about trying to cut my testicles out, but then I know that they'd "save" them and I'd be back where I started, or something equally bad in luck.

I'm sorry, but the desire and motivation to cut off one's own genitals goes beyond transsexualism.  That's just straight up self mutilation and should be dealt with as such.

Why is it self mutilation?  Because it's damaging your body intently and with malice.

You would do well to push thoughts like that well out of your mind and focus on parts you DO like about yourself, or really, just to get over it. And wait for surgery.

Yeah, hate is a good word for what I feel towards those parts.  The development of the chest frightened me and I do remember thinking when I was 9-ish that "it's gonna cost me some serious money to fix that someday" (I knew about breast reduction, but not male chest reconstruction, which is even more ideal).  I denied that I even had the internals and remained convinced that I would develop 'normally' (aka, like a teenage boy) until proof of said organ's existence happened.  From there on out (age 11 and up), I became more detached from 'my' body and began seriously thinking about removing a few parts myself.  I began experimenting with cauterization and stitching to take care of the bleeding from the incisions, but never managed to find a good way to deal with the inevitable infection. 

I still do feel like 'taking care of it myself' even now (it's one of the biggest things that frustrates me: I can fix most things of mine that break--electronics, minor carpentry, etc--but I can't fix myself), but I've seen the photos of what a professional can do.  Logic wins out on this one, 'cuz I'd rather not have a bunch of scar tissue for the surgeon to have to deal with.

*Shrug* as for the external bits of my lower body... it creeps me out to no end that there is literally a hole connecting the external to the insides of this body.  I think it's more a paranoia of what could happen, though--aka, the scene from "Boys Don't Cry" when those guys found out about Brandon.  I'll be glad when that's sealed off forever.

Quote from: Annwyn on March 01, 2008, 11:50:16 AMI'm sorry, but the desire and motivation to cut off one's own genitals goes beyond transsexualism.  That's just straight up self mutilation and should be dealt with as such.

Why is it self mutilation?  Because it's damaging your body intently and with malice.

You would do well to push thoughts like that well out of your mind and focus on parts you DO like about yourself, or really, just to get over it. And wait for surgery.

I'm sorry, but I mean absolutely no offense by this and I hope you don't take it that way, but your statement was obviously spoken by someone who is still early in their transition.  I don't think you know what's it's like to live as a woman for several years with a penis attached to your body, desparately searching for a way to attain SRS, all the while listening to people around you, supposed friends, talk about "those queers who dress as women" because they are clueless about your gender situation.  The list of things that make me hate my current genitals is very, very long.

On the flip side, I love my body!  In fact, that is probably why I have considered hurting my genitals, because I don't consider *it* to be part of my body.  And according to your definition, that fact should deem it not self-mutilation.  After SRS I can go on with my life.  Until then, I'm not really living.

I remember when I use to tell people I didn't hate my genitals.  It was several years ago when I was in the first year or two of my transition.  Actually, I remember that time very clearly.  It seems that a lot of time has passed since then.

Again Annwyn, I mean no offense.

Amy :icon_chick:

I would never have the courage to go through with it.  But believe me, as someone with a history of self-mutilation, there is a difference between self-mutilation as a psychiatric condition and wanting to remove your privates.  The motivations and reasoning behind the two are different entirely.  One has to do with an illness and hatred of self, the other has to do with a loathing of a part of your body that doesn't belong.  I can't say I love my body, being overweight as I am, but I try my best (I happen to think I have a gorgeous face).  However, I cannot find anything to love about my genitals. 

Granted, to actually go through and try to remove my testicles would probably be a sign that I'm not doing so well in the head, but I can't say that I don't wish they'd go away every morning.  But, you know, one day, there will be the surgery.

Quote from: Annwyn on March 01, 2008, 11:50:16 AM

Quote from: Vivian on March 01, 2008, 10:29:25 AM
Yeah, I've thought about trying to cut my testicles out, but then I know that they'd "save" them and I'd be back where I started, or something equally bad in luck.

I'm sorry, but the desire and motivation to cut off one's own genitals goes beyond transsexualism.  That's just straight up self mutilation and should be dealt with as such.

Why is it self mutilation?  Because it's damaging your body intently and with malice.

You would do well to push thoughts like that well out of your mind and focus on parts you DO like about yourself, or really, just to get over it. And wait for surgery.

Quote from: amy2003 on March 01, 2008, 12:19:02 PM

I'm sorry, but I mean absolutely no offense by this and I hope you don't take it that way, but your statement was obviously spoken by someone who is still early in their transition.  I don't think you know what's it's like to live as a woman for several years with a penis attached to your body, desparately searching for a way to attain SRS, all the while listening to people around you, supposed friends, talk about "those queers who dress as women" because they are clueless about your gender situation.  The list of things that make me hate my current genitals is very, very long.

On the flip side, I love my body!  In fact, that is probably why I have considered hurting my genitals, because I don't consider *it* to be part of my body.  And according to your definition, that fact should deem it not self-mutilation.  After SRS I can go on with my life.  Until then, I'm not really living.

I remember when I use to tell people I didn't hate my genitals.  It was several years ago when I was in the first year or two of my transition.  Actually, I remember that time very clearly.  It seems that a lot of time has passed since then.


Amy :icon_chick:

Quote from: Vivian on March 01, 2008, 12:30:18 PM
I would never have the courage to go through with it.  But believe me, as someone with a history of self-mutilation, there is a difference between self-mutilation as a psychiatric condition and wanting to remove your privates.  The motivations and reasoning behind the two are different entirely.  One has to do with an illness and hatred of self, the other has to do with a loathing of a part of your body that doesn't belong.  I can't say I love my body, being overweight as I am, but I try my best (I happen to think I have a gorgeous face).  However, I cannot find anything to love about my genitals. 

Granted, to actually go through and try to remove my testicles would probably be a sign that I'm not doing so well in the head, but I can't say that I don't wish they'd go away every morning.  But, you know, one day, there will be the surgery.

I vehemently concur with these two posts.  Thank you, girls, for your insight on this subject.  I couldn't have worded my feelings in a better manner. :)

tink :icon_chick:

Quote from: Vivian on March 01, 2008, 12:30:18 PM
But believe me, as someone with a history of self-mutilation, there is a difference between self-mutilation as a psychiatric condition and wanting to remove your privates.  The motivations and reasoning behind the two are different entirely.

You think you're the only one on here who's had stitches in her wrists?  LOL.  Funny.

QuoteOne has to do with an illness and hatred of self, the other has to do with a loathing of a part of your body that doesn't belong.

A fancy play with words that could easily be restated as, "I hate myself cuz I have a dick, but if I savagely lopped it off I'd feel a lot better, just like I used to when I cut myself."

QuoteI can't say I love my body, being overweight as I am, but I try my best (I happen to think I have a gorgeous face).  However, I cannot find anything to love about my genitals. 

Not a pun against you dear, but I find it interesting that those people who find negativity with their genitals or gender and are so quick to blame their unhappiness on those few factors are also the ones that don't really do anything to brighten their life.  It would seem as if almost evecry transsexual I've met with this mentality of, "my life sucks cuz I'm not a pretty girl" are also the ones that are overweight, slothful, don't have many friends and don't really find motivation to do anything in their life to make themselves happy.  They point their fingers at their gender issues and psyche themselves up over it so much that they attribute a two year, character building journey to changing genders when for the most part it's just growing up.  People say that the more GID you are, the more you hate your life and your genitals.  No, that's just depression and lack of coping skills.  GID is simply wanting to be the opposite gender.  Don't lump me in with all these depressed emo kids killing themselves left and right, hating their bodies and their genitals and this that or the other, because I've been there and done that and I've gotten passed it and it had nothing to do with gender change, it had to do with me forcing my actions away from drugs and cutting and then forcing my thoughts to more positive parts of life instead of whiny emo crap all the time.

I apologise for the rant.  This attitude just bothers me, quite a bit.

I'm transsexual, and I'm NOT depressed and suicidal, I don't have a desire to self mutilate my genitals even if I do dislike them at the moment WITH A PASSION. and I'm not using GID as a scapegoat for all my other issues and I never have and I never will.

Quote from: Eryk on March 01, 2008, 12:01:37 PM
*Shrug* as for the external bits of my lower body... it creeps me out to no end that there is literally a hole connecting the external to the insides of this body. 

Creepy yet fascinating. Will never forget the time my gyno put her hand up there and touched my uterus. I was in awe that she could actually reach my insides. And somehow through her hand, I could feel my own uterus. It felt like a jellyfish (or rather what I imagine a jellyfish to feel like). It was wild and awesome and it took my breath away.

QuoteI think it's more a paranoia of what could happen, though--aka, the scene from "Boys Don't Cry" when those guys found out about Brandon.  I'll be glad when that's sealed off forever.

Eryk

I'm just paranoid at the thought of pushing a kid out my ass against my will. I'm bi, so yeah...

Nero.  You just ruined the topic, LOL.

Quote from: Annwyn on March 01, 2008, 12:58:10 PM
Nero.  You just ruined the topic, LOL.

Personally, I thought it was a lovely sentiment!  ... I want a uterus...

Quote
Not a pun against you dear, but I find it interesting that those people who find negativity with their genitals or gender and are so quick to blame their unhappiness on those few factors are also the ones that don't really do anything to brighten their life.  It would seem as if almost evecry transsexual I've met with this mentality of, "my life sucks cuz I'm not a pretty girl" are also the ones that are overweight, slothful, don't have many friends and don't really find motivation to do anything in their life to make themselves happy.  They point their fingers at their gender issues and psyche themselves up over it so much that they attribute a two year, character building journey to changing genders when for the most part it's just growing up.  People say that the more GID you are, the more you hate your life and your genitals.  No, that's just depression and lack of coping skills.  GID is simply wanting to be the opposite gender.  Don't lump me in with all these depressed emo kids killing themselves left and right, hating their bodies and their genitals and this that or the other, because I've been there and done that and I've gotten passed it and it had nothing to do with gender change, it had to do with me forcing my actions away from drugs and cutting and then forcing my thoughts to more positive parts of life instead of whiny emo crap all the time.

Actually, I freaking love my life, thank you.  Every day I live is incredible, and I'm thankful for the friends- my family- that I have built.  Don't make assumptions about me because I want to remove my genitals.  I never made ANY judgments of you or tried to lump you in any categories, so you have absolutely no right to do that to me.  I don't hate my body, I just don't like being overweight, and it's something that I actively work on.  I've lost 70 pounds in a year, thank you. 

And as for cutting, I don't care about emo subcultures.  There's a huge difference between feeling sorry for yourself and being clinically psychotic in a mental institution.  So don't even think you know why someone might hurt themselves unless you've actually talked to them.  I am the LAST person to whine about my life because I have too many great things going on in it.  But some of us have issues we're working through for our trans journey, and this is the place we come to work on them.

GID isn't a scapegoat for my previous self-harming actions.  GID, in a way, is the best thing that could have happened to me.  It gave me the gateway to begin finding who I actually am.

Quote from: Annwyn on March 01, 2008, 12:39:34 PM

QuoteI can't say I love my body, being overweight as I am, but I try my best (I happen to think I have a gorgeous face).  However, I cannot find anything to love about my genitals. 

Not a pun against you dear, but I find it interesting that those people who find negativity with their genitals or gender and are so quick to blame their unhappiness on those few factors are also the ones that don't really do anything to brighten their life.  It would seem as if almost evecry transsexual I've met with this mentality of, "my life sucks cuz I'm not a pretty girl" are also the ones that are overweight, slothful, don't have many friends and don't really find motivation to do anything in their life to make themselves happy.  They point their fingers at their gender issues and psyche themselves up over it so much that they attribute a two year, character building journey to changing genders when for the most part it's just growing up.  People say that the more GID you are, the more you hate your life and your genitals.  No, that's just depression and lack of coping skills.  GID is simply wanting to be the opposite gender.  Don't lump me in with all these depressed emo kids killing themselves left and right, hating their bodies and their genitals and this that or the other, because I've been there and done that and I've gotten passed it and it had nothing to do with gender change, it had to do with me forcing my actions away from drugs and cutting and then forcing my thoughts to more positive parts of life instead of whiny emo crap all the time.

I apologise for the rant.  This attitude just bothers me, quite a bit.

I'm transsexual, and I'm NOT depressed and suicidal, I don't have a desire to self mutilate my genitals even if I do dislike them at the moment WITH A PASSION. and I'm not using GID as a scapegoat for all my other issues and I never have and I never will.

I find your point of view very egocentric. Everybody has a different strengths and weakness. I just wonder were your lack of understanding comes from. I never said and did not read it in any other post that this makes someone more GIDs it seems like you got this idea from somewhere. There are issues that can stem from GID especially self esteem. I spent years ignoring GID I knew it was an issue and it slowly broke me down bit by bit. Now I'm trying collect the pieces. There is someone telling I lack coping skills or didn't handle things right or lack character. Well that is water underneath the bridge and I don't need to hear I did that so much better than you. I glad you never had any of these issues but some of us do. I been through different things and have a different make-up so I handle things differently. I'm going do what need to survive even though misguided at times.


Later,
Anna

Annwyn,

If I read your posts correctly, you are three months into HRT and not really living as a woman yet?  I never want to take anything away from somebody transitioning, because I have to give someone credit for just doing it, but can you honestly say that you know the mindset & rationale of a TS several years into HRT and fully socially integrated as a woman, but still living with a penis?

I shouldn't speak for everyone else here, but I think it would suffice if you simply didn't criticize people for their thoughts and possible actions in a situation you have never been in.  I think Susan's has always been a place you can speak your mind, but also a place where everyone respects everyone else's thoughts, feelings, and opinions.

Again, my apologies if I have read things incorrectly.  I don't mean to offend you.

Amy :icon_chick:

I was full time stealth from 13-16, on HRT till my rents retracted their consent to the therapy.  I've lived about two years of my life in various mental hospitals, had stitches all up in my wrists and still don't have full feeling in my lift wrist from cutting myself so deeply.  Honestly, I've had a completely different perspective than most of the people on here, from transitioning at such a young age, being outed in a highly social setting by an entire school district and still have my name discussed in the hallways even so far as 150 miles away here in Beaufort, when I went to school in Columbia, I mean middle/highschool.
I have a unique experience of being forced off therapy and making something of my life without relying on gender crap, forcing myself to think, "well, even if this is the way things are I'll make the best of it all."

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi12.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fa227%2Fpixieluvsall%2FIMG_0157a.jpg&hash=ca70cb5c491186e07b703b971bf2cc7584eecaaa)

So when I express a rough opinion, it's not to bring someone down.  It's simply that there are a lot of people that look for excuses to not deal with their issues head on and I will not give them that excuse.  I am not trying to bring people down.  In fact, I am extending the invitation to contact me over any form of communication of your liking if you want an honest, caring, but no bull>-bleeped-< person to talk to, just PM me.  I am extending that invitation and I am letting it stand as well, I'm here for you guys and girls to serve with the best of my ability.

I'm also a transsexual supremist.  That means that I view any transsexual in high regards simply because that individual has the highest capability known to human kind, and that is to dream and dream WELL.  It is in my personal belief that imagination is the measuring tape to the depth of the soul and the potential of one's fate.  This place is so full of potential.  Everyone on here that can work against society, their own bodies and minds, and their families, and everything else to reach their dreams have my deepest respect and deserve anything I can do to help.  I also don't tolerate pollution in this society, and therefore owe it to everyone to be as honest as I can on these forums.  Considering so many great people on here already have most things covered, the things that aren't addressed on here are the whiny little, 'poor poor me cuz I'm TS' attitudes that well, I can't stand, so I take a stand against it vehemently.

Open your eyes to a greater life folks, it's a beautiful world, no matter where you're looking at it from.

Quote from: amy2003 on March 01, 2008, 11:24:26 PM
Annwyn,

I shouldn't speak for everyone else here, but I think it would suffice if you simply didn't criticize people for their thoughts and possible actions in a situation you have never been in.  I think Susan's has always been a place you can speak your mind, but also a place where everyone respects everyone else's thoughts, feelings, and opinions.

Again, my apologies if I have read things incorrectly.  I don't mean to offend you.

Amy :icon_chick:

Completely agree with you.

Annwyn, everybody has been through different experiences, everybody copes differently.  Making assumptions about people, and putting them in categories, when you don't know everything about them is insane.
Some of us struggle, and may not cope as wonderfully as you have.  but that's no reason to judge, and speak so harshly.  A little sympathy and consideration wouldn't go amiss.

i have anxiety disorder which is a lot down to GID, and used to self-harm.  and yeah, i have tough days and whine. but i am happy with who i am (minus a few body parts that'll be gone someday), and am quite aware how beautiful the world is.

jenny
x x

Annwyn -

I'm not really sure what you're getting at. It seems a bit selfcontradictory to me:

Quote from: Annwyn on March 01, 2008, 12:39:34 PMThey point their fingers at their gender issues and psyche themselves up over it so much that they attribute a two year, character building journey to changing genders when for the most part it's just growing up.  People say that the more GID you are, the more you hate your life and your genitals.  No, that's just depression and lack of coping skills.  GID is simply wanting to be the opposite gender.
...
I'm transsexual, and I'm NOT depressed and suicidal, I don't have a desire to self mutilate my genitals even if I do dislike them at the moment WITH A PASSION. and I'm not using GID as a scapegoat for all my other issues and I never have and I never will.

Quote from: Annwyn on March 02, 2008, 12:00:47 AM
I was full time stealth from 13-16, on HRT till my rents retracted their consent to the therapy.  I've lived about two years of my life in various mental hospitals, had stitches all up in my wrists and still don't have full feeling in my lift wrist from cutting myself so deeply.
...
I have a unique experience of being forced off therapy and making something of my life without relying on gender crap, forcing myself to think, "well, even if this is the way things are I'll make the best of it all."

Was there some reason other that being TS that you were depressed? It seems to me GID causes depression, so it's not exactly scapegoating, just facing the facts.

I've suffered from depression that started between maybe age 5 and 10 ramping slowly up, and persisted through maybe 23 or 24 before I started making progress against it, and still isn't exactly gone. There are a few causes other than GID -- minorly disfunctional family and bad reactions to the darkness of winter to be specific -- but most of it has to do with gender. So yes, I'm going to point my finger.

On the other hand, I realize that pointing the finger doesn't do any good, and that once your life is as screwed up by depression as mine was -- never mind GID -- that transitioning won't solve your problems. In order to get by from day to day I've had to learn what makes life worth living for me as an individual, not as a woman or a man or in relation to anyone else's expectations. So I guess my experience is similar to yours in that way.

I think it's good advice to recommend working on the non-gender-related problems in your life before or at least while transitioning, and not to assume that somehow transitioning is going to make everything peachy keen. But it's just advice based solely on what's worked for me (sort of, so far) and (maybe) common sense.

(But hey, I get it, it was a rant. It's cool.)

-A.

I think what I said was pretty right wing guys.

I know that there's a bit of truth in what I said.  But I was out of line to push it as far as I did.

So yeah, I was wrong, and I'm just here telling everyone that.

I KNOW that depression can be seperated from GID and then eliminated all together whilst still keeping one's dream.  But, I was ignoring the fact our of spite that the two always seem bundled together, that everyone isn't the same, and that I especially am a one of a kind on these forums.

I hope you'll forgive me.

Quote from: Nero on March 01, 2008, 12:49:06 PM
Creepy yet fascinating. Will never forget the time my gyno put her hand up there and touched my uterus. I was in awe that she could actually reach my insides. And somehow through her hand, I could feel my own uterus. It felt like a jellyfish (or rather what I imagine a jellyfish to feel like). It was wild and awesome and it took my breath away.

Thanks for the very graphically vivid yet strangely compelling description... I too would love to have a uterus. I don't think I'd actually tell people about it though...  :eusa_silenced:

I abhor them.  If I could have GRS today, I would.  Unluckily I've got to wait one more year for the blasted bits to be history. 

annwyn, I just wish you hadn't made so many hasty judgments about me, such as my self-harm history.  I wish it was as simple as depression as a result of being transgendered, but I have a lot of other psychological issues as well.  Chronic bipolar I illness is very serious and isn't just some whiny clique to be relegated to feeling sorry for oneself.  If it was that simple, then my life journey would have been much easier- I could have faced things on my own terms and not on the terms of a mind detached completely from reality.  Instead I've had to have mood stabilizers, anti-psychotic medications, etc.  just to see that the way I have perceived the world in the past has been so irrational and literally crazy that I could not function as other people have.  Just like you, I've been institutionalized several times in my life, but I'd be the last person to say that I have life hard.  So I refuse to judge those who live in a world of self-pity. 

As far as transitioning goes, I know that self-mutilating my own genitals is completely unnecessary and damaging to myself, but it doesn't mean I don't think about it.  I am dealing with my issues of transition as best I can, and for you to put me down for it is just plain mean.  Some of the others here might be more forgiving, but I'm going to remember your words for a long time.  We as sisters (and brothers) need to support each other to the fullest extent regardless of where we are in our transition, and your lack of respect towards me has been both hurtful and completely out of line. 

To be exact, while bipolar and therefore experiencing my share of depression, it was never depression that caused me problems.  Depression is easy to deal with; you get off your butt and go share experience with the world until you forget you're depressed.  Mania is a totally different monster that has nothing to do with GID.  Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned my experience with self-mutilation, but I thought it pertinent to the discussion.  Don't assume I did this out of depression.  Not all of us equate our transgendered experience with depression and a separation from society.  Some of us see ourselves as a gateway for social action. 

You talk about working against society, well, how many groups are you involved in that are actively doing this?  Will you be at the local protest against the HRC dinner in your community?  Will you be there to lobby for a revised version of a new ENDA bill?  If you really want to work against society, it takes more than simply "passing" in the world.  It takes getting out there and fighting for the right to say you're proud of who you are.  It takes getting involved with people who are actively fighting the hatred and oppression we face on a daily basis.  It takes getting past your personal issues and saying to the world "We are here, and we're not going away.  We demand equality". 

Don't you dare EVER use my words to tell anyone on here that I'm here for self pity.  I'm one of the most active members of the protest movement in the Atlanta area, and I'm slowly getting the connections to be involved with the entire Southeast action movement.  I'm not here to whine, I'm here to know myself.  And I'm living a life that is worth a lot more than simply whining about depression over GID on the internet.

Vivian~  Thanks for your contributions to the community.  Taking action in some way: attending events, educating people, being there for people~  Makes all the difference in world.  Improving the quality of life for one person, or for many, helps us put things into the perspective that it isn't just about 'me', but about everyone a whole instead.

Leslie~  I wish you a speedy SRS.

Annwyn~  I understand your position.  It is a very hard position when you have had something taken away from you.  Please stay strong, and let happiness for a better future dictate your life, rather then sadness for the present.

p.s. sorry for being so negative last night everyone and especially Annwyn.  The last thing I want to do hear is stir up drama!  So, I've reached my drama-stirring quota for the year  -_-

Anyways.  Thanks Kirakero for your words (also your beautiful, beautiful hair).  Activism isn't for everyone, but for those of us who can, we're doing our best to try to change the world we live in.

Quote from: lady amarant on March 02, 2008, 02:15:01 AM

Quote from: Nero on March 01, 2008, 12:49:06 PM
Creepy yet fascinating. Will never forget the time my gyno put her hand up there and touched my uterus. I was in awe that she could actually reach my insides. And somehow through her hand, I could feel my own uterus. It felt like a jellyfish (or rather what I imagine a jellyfish to feel like). It was wild and awesome and it took my breath away.

Thanks for the very graphically vivid yet strangely compelling description... I too would love to have a uterus. I don't think I'd actually tell people about it though...  :eusa_silenced:

Thats an interesting description. Its really rare someone would actually give anyone a clue on how it  *feels. Thats usually the kind of thing you can't exactly ask, but with a mind that doesn't shut up, it crosses it. Learning something new or interesting helps me sleep... Thanks.

And Annwyn looks pretty damned Irish.O_o

Quote from: Leslie on March 02, 2008, 02:49:20 AM
I abhor them.  If I could have GRS today, I would.  Unluckily I've got to wait one more year for the blasted bits to be history. 

I have the same feelings Leslie.  Four more months and these feelings of inadequacy will be over.

I don't hate 'em. I generally don't pay any attention to them. But I know they're there. When living as a male, that didn't really bother me (unless they were aroused, which was insanely humiliating, but I still didn't hate THEM for it).

But living as a woman, it's a constant, nagging embarrassment. Not hatred, just embarassing. And not that the genitals THEMSELVES are embarrassing, but the fact that I, as a woman, HAVE them is. I'm correcting an inappropriate situation, a cirumstance... not attacking a body part with a homocidal vengence.

~Kate~

Thx Kate, you summed it up pretty well.  Being transgender does not indicate a homocidal vengeance towards the genitals, just a dislike of them, IMHO.

But it's just an opinion of course.

Quote from: Audrey on February 29, 2008, 03:25:52 AM
Its actually kind of funny in a twisted sort of way to look in the mirror.  Almost like WHAT THE F$#@ IS THAT.  Most days I just kind of don't think about it too much and get on with my day.  It will probably be a year or two until I can get rid of it, but oh well not much I can do about it at the moment.

Audrey

So true. Why worry about something at the moment I have little control over. Maybe in the future will be different is the only thing that gives me comfort. :)

I'm relatively okay with having a vagina. I enjoy it for sexual purposes. However, I do hate the rest of the connected plumbing. It bothers me more that I don't have a penis than it does that I do have a vagina. I'd actually be very okay with both organs.

I can't say I honestly hated that thing, but I couldn'd relax with a guy, when it was finally gone I could finally be intimate with guys, my plumbing (meow) matching my gender, just being a complete woman.

Quote from: Milo on March 03, 2008, 06:17:23 PM
I'm relatively okay with having a vagina. I enjoy it for sexual purposes. However, I do hate the rest of the connected plumbing. It bothers me more that I don't have a penis than it does that I do have a vagina. I'd actually be very okay with both organs.

Yeah, honestly when I compare my genitals to a body that I have to try hard to make look female, I despair more over my body, my flat chest, and my lack of hips more than I could ever despair over those things down there.

In short:

The plumbing shouldn't even be a concern if the house ain't even built.

I used to care more about having a vagina, and then I went through puberty and I kinda got distracted by how much I hated my body as a whole instead.

I agree with the above statement. Haha.

Wow, the house reference a good analogy.  I choose to not hate because hate really is a strong word.  I strongly dislike my junk, but looking at it as donor material is a way to take the edge off.  However, once the house gets built (starting in September I hope), the plumbing will become an issue.

When you build a house, you make a foundation (HRT), install plumbing through the foundation, then build a house, and finish up the plumbing and do electricity, drywalling, etc. 

Ok, so I ruined that.  But the point is, I don't think that's necessarily true, or that it "should be" true for everyone.  My genitals (and the changing thereof) are more important to me than anything else, as far as transition goes. 

on another note, I'm getting really sick of tucking!

Quote from: Vivian on March 07, 2008, 01:07:49 AM
on another note, I'm getting really sick of tucking!

:eusa_wall: :icon_anger:

uh-huh!

how immature can you get?

Quote from: Renate on March 07, 2008, 10:54:48 AM
I would like to learn more advanced techniques involving steel strapping and come-alongs.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.lug-all.com%2Fimages%2Fweb_strap_ratchet_lever_lg.jpg&hash=e76294b5a81de27a5c6d120c8443dd98eea3f24a)

Woohoo! Sounds like fun.
:icon_evil_laugh: :icon_evil_laugh: :icon_evil_laugh:

Posted on: 07 March 2008, 12:26:45

---

Quote from: Berliegh on March 07, 2008, 11:05:46 AM
how immature can you get?

Well... we are mostly teen and pre-teen girls and boys around here anyway...

transition is a second puberty, after all!

;D

Lol, I look at some 12 year old girls and sometimes wonder how different I can really be, going through puberty and all that, LOL.

Quote from: Berliegh on March 07, 2008, 11:05:46 AM
how immature can you get?

Oh lighten up.  Whats the point of life if you can't be ridiculous once in a while.

I thought it was funny Renate.

Audrey

You see... Thats why typing is primitive. You can't understand tone of voice or body language LOL.

I didn't laugh at all..


Haha

Quote from: Nero on February 27, 2008, 05:45:10 PM
So, this is a discussion about birth genitals and what they mean or meant to you.
Like em or loathe em - do share.

Interesting older topic dug up from deep in the TS db

My answers,

Birth genitals were sometimes embarrassing, sometimes uncontrollable, sometimes gross, sometimes unbearable, sometimes producing children, sometimes not fitting my underwear, sometimes shrinking, sometimes shriveling, sometimes tucked, sometimes sliced, one day to be made beautiful....

C -

so poetic C!

In my case mine are pretty easily ignored. I suppose the advantage of the uh.. feminine undercarriage (so to speak) is they're not staring at you every time you pee or shower. They're kinda.. nice and hidden away so easier to just flat out disassociate from.

Now i'm gonna be honest, vaginas kinda scare me. And it's weird because I find women really attractive but vaginas just really squick me out. I dunno why, they're like.. mystereous dark caves with wibbly bits and flaps and god knows what.
lol.

I regard my own with a sort of medical detatchment. It's there, kinda like my nose or my ear canal or whatever.
I learned a LOT about female anatomy when i was going through fertility treatment and it was facinating but also super wierd. As a result I know rather more about my internals than I think most people do, but I feel no pride or ownership of it, it's just... a bit of my body. A freaky wierd bit of my body that does strange and terrifying things but still, just a bit of my body. A confusing messy bit of my body but eh.

Would I like to not have it? Well that's where i'm not sure. I mean I don't have to look at the shredded mess down there (oh it's not pretty, it's really not pretty. I had kids, 4th degree tear, it's a wreck) and it feels pretty nice during sex so you know, it's good for something.

I admit though, i'd love to not have to endure the random pain it gives me, i'd like at the very least the mess to be cleaned up but the nurse yesterday said it was likely to fall under "cosmetic" because it's not causing any medical issues aside from sporadic pain in the scarring (this might be tmi but basically the skin they sewed back together after that tear has separated again as it healed. the inside stitches held so the muscles and pelvic floor are fine but the external ones, which gave me endless trouble, didn't hold and so it's sort of.. reopened? AIEEE!)

Knowing that makes me pretty uncomfortable. I mean i've known there was a problem for a while but the male doctor refused to really look or acknowledge it becuase he's a wierdo. But *shudder* yuck yuck YUUUUCK.

Anyway, aside from the pain it causes me both internally and externally (yes, sex hurts a bit, but it usually stops hurting after a minute or so so I can live with that) I can pretty much ignore my undercarriage. It's useful for some things (okay ONE thing) but otherwise it's just sorta.. tucked away outta sight and outta mind.

If I could wave a wand and have a fully functional penis and balls, well that'd be awesome fun. I admit I have a lot of penis envy because dang they're fun (ahem). I have a strange sort of... fondness of penises, they make me laugh. Vaginas make me recoil, penises make me smile. (I mean come on, they're HILARIOUS! And sort of strangely cute <_< is that wierd? that's totally wierd to call them cute isn't it? hahaha)
And that is likely a reflection of my feelings toward my own genitalia.

But alas, I can't just wave a wand and the current technology just isn't really there. So i'll stick with what I have, and the apathy I feel toward it. I don't  hate it, I don't love it either, it just sorta... IS. And I can live with that. I think.

to be perfectly honest, right now, getting rid of the bits I can SEE (the breasts) and the bits causing the most problems (the ovaries) is the priority. I hate my ovaries with a burning passion, I call them rude names when they hurt me, I curse them, I threaten to sclup em out with a spoon. THEY are the thing I loathe most and ultimately for good reason, they do cause me no end of problems (stupid cystic diseased things) so they sort of.. take the brunt of my hate and there's none left for anything else.

I absolutely despised my boy parts. I hated to look at them and when I did I saw them as something that had destroyed my life and kept me from being happy. I often thought of just destroying them. They were just thoughts though and I would never have acted on them. Though I did enjoy totally smashing and flattening them when I tucked. Having my SRS surgery was one of the happiest experiences of my life!

I don't much care about them. I think I did when I was younger, but now I just disregard the whole thing. It's not important to me, or anyone else since it's not on show or anything, unlike breasts are. Sure, I'd prefer certain things if they could be materialized into existence but they can't be, and I don't spend much time or thought focused on my junk  in all honesty. If I did, I'd be pretty bothered but the reality is that I just don't so it's not worth the mental energy.

I like mine.  I know how to use it.  My wife likes it.  In a practical way, for me and my relationship with my wife, removing it would not make sense.  It's really nobody's business what I have or don't have.

I have mild genital dysphoria.
I would never top someone for example.
I used to tuck because seeing a bulge made me dysphoric.
But then HRT made my genitalia shrink significantly much to my liking.
I have a small penis now and small testicles. Everything shriveled up.
I don't have to tuck these days and I don't mind my genitalia as long as my partners don't touch them. I circumvent my genitalia and find other ways to make sex enjoyable.

My dysphoria about my genitalia is mild enough that I would never bother to go through an extensive surgery like GRS.

I would prefer an orchiectomy if it has to in a few years.
But I'm not sure about orchie either. Because after years of HRT my testicles are damaged enough that they would never produce cis male T ranges ever again.

I never had much of any genital dysphoria, until recently!

After I had my orchi, and I got this surge of extra feminine feelings, I start to dislike the remaining little bit a lot.  I have no problems wit putting on any tight female bottoms, because there is hardly anything left down there.  But each time I step out of the shower I see my image in the mirror, and the piece of skin that is absolutely out of place bothers me a lot!

I thought I could do without SRS, but now I have to work on arranging for it pretty hard.

@deitland I feel like that's how i'll feel about my breasts once I get on T. As my face shape changes and body hair sprouts up more they'll be even more out of place and even more disconcertingly "wrong".
And that worries me a bit because that knowledge that i'll likely see an increase in dysphoria makes me anxious, especially with the loooong wait for top surgery in this country.

But I feel like this is all part of the process. As we reshape ourselves we find more that needs to be done. Kinda like when you decide to remodel a house and end up finding out loads more needs doing than you expected lol.

I didnt have body dyshoria very much but the male junk dysphoria was often bad. It started at age 13 and I used various philosophical and mental tricks to not worry about it. In the end I knew self harm was a real risk so I saw a psychiatrist and psychologist and began HRT, - a very rapid cure resulted.

Now the male equipment is just there and it doesnt bother me.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

Quote from: Kirsteneklund7 on April 29, 2019, 06:00:34 AM


Now the male equipment is just there and it doesnt bother me.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

I was like this prior to my orchi.  It is just pretty handy for urination!  and than about 3 to 4 weeks after the orichi (I think after all T influences had gone), I got this surge of femininity, and along with it came the very dislike of the bit of junk I have left!
The funny thing is it does not bother me when putting female clothing on, I can wear as tight of bottoms as any female, but the knowledge that it is there and the looks of it I have getting out of the shower causes pretty bad dysphoria for me now.  It feels as if I am not really finished as a person.
It has nothing to do with my exterior appearance or my presentation, because I pass 100% all the time, it is this internalized dislike of this piece of skin that drives me nuts.

I can understand that F_P_M has similar feelings, because he cannot avoid seeing or feeling her breasts, and feels they do not belong to her body!
The bad thing about this is that both of us need some extensive surgical intervention to correct this!  And having strangers cutting and hacking around on your body is not really fun to think about!

lol gender confusion there deit.

he/him

but yeah, external stuff is a lot harder to ignore, it's like, right there when you look down all "hey remember me?"

Quote from: F_P_M on April 29, 2019, 08:31:57 AM
lol gender confusion there deit.

he/him

but yeah, external stuff is a lot harder to ignore, it's like, right there when you look down all "hey remember me?"

I have to apologize for this.
It was still not fully clear, about the gender you want to be/are seen in your world.  You write that you like some feminine stuff, and mainly hate your ovaries and the boobs.

I now understand that you prefer the he/him when addressed.

Hate is a strong word. I hated my uterus. So I had it removed 10 years ago. I'm not very keen on having sex. My parts are missing. But maybe that will change once I get T.

I think it's been about 8 years since last time.

I hate my chest though. I need it to be removed.


Tony

This might get tmi but I'll try my best to keep it clean. It's not my forte.

I used to loathe my vagina throughout most of my life until I finally came to peace with her last year. Up until that point I couldn't stand looking at it, touch it or put anything inside. However, since I once liked penetration in my late teens, I kept trying to enjoy that again and again, but to no avail. It just made me hate it even more.  My dysphoria was always fluctuating between bad and horrible with no good days, it was... nauseating. I was planning on getting ftm srs (meta, hysto, v-ectomy) during 2017, when I had just had thouroughly enough of it, after having been on and off about srs for about 7 years since coming out as ftm and learned about the options.

But as luck and fate would have it (okay, it was the surgeon's unreasonably long waiting list) those surgeries never happened. Cause about a year later, how I felt about my genitals changed, after I had decided to give them one final, last chance. Over a 2 months long time period I exposed myself to my genital dysphoria daily (with lots of self care), and treated my bad case of vaginal atrophy with topical estrogen and dilation, which eventually paid off. And oh my goodness, it paid off so well!

By then I no longer wanted any kind of srs. I became very protective of my vagina and I began to love it. And ever since then I've loved it, although it of course still has its annoying quirks. Especially since I went of T in my detransition and the (not so) monthly red alert is back again. And it brought cramps as well! But over all I've never enjoyed my own genitals this much before in my entire life, it's truly liberating and they're easily my favourite part of my body now, instead of my most hated.

As for my gender... honestly my newfound love for my genitals became such a drastic turn of events that it was what made me eventually want to detransition, as I quite unexpectedly (and both literally and figuratively) found a very direct canal to my own deeply buried and atrophied womanhood. But also, despite being openly detransitioning, I've come to understand that I don't truly regret having transitioned. I just re-identified, changed my style, and want my tits back. So I regret top surgery but I don't regret T although I wish I had taken it with the knowledge of myself that I have now.

My body is quite a puzzle of "this and that" gender-wise now, but I like it. To me my deep voice, facial hair, extra body hair, etc blend in so well together with my vagina, curvy body shape and small frame. My additional male traits look and feel so real and natural, it's as if I always had them somehow. I most definitely became attached to them. They're very comforting to me, both the parts I was born with and what T gave me. And like I wouldn't be me, or this comfortable, without all of that at once. The only thing on my body that feels and looks out of place to me, is my flat chest. That's my only source of dysphoria now, that I couldn't heal away. Perhaps that grief dug too deep. I can look at it, and touch it when I have to for showering and such, and go swimming without my breast forms, but I don't like the flat surface and I still feel that mental trauma in my lack of breasts. I really wouldn't mind having hairy tits after my reconstruction, but I dunno if my extra body hair will stick around much longer now without the T. I actually hope it will though.

I wasn't ever a trans man, I was always a woman; I just hated being one. Now I love being a woman and I love most of my androgynous body. I seem to be caught somewhere between cis and trans. Not really trans cause of being an afab woman, but not really cis either cause I'm quite happily transitioned with my male traits. The closest label I can find for myself these days is "dysphoric woman" which I'm pretty sure I snatched from radfem terminology.

But as I no longer pass as female irl, no matter how I dress, the treasure in my panties hides alongside my true gender.

Quote from: SeptagonScars on May 04, 2019, 01:11:46 AM
This might get tmi but I'll try my best to keep it clean. It's not my forte.

I used to loathe my vagina throughout most of my life until I finally came to peace with her last year. Up until that point I couldn't stand looking at it, touch it or put anything inside. However, since I once liked penetration in my late teens, I kept trying to enjoy that again and again, but to no avail. It just made me hate it even more.  My dysphoria was always fluctuating between bad and horrible with no good days, it was... nauseating. I was planning on getting ftm srs (meta, hysto, v-ectomy) during 2017, when I had just had thouroughly enough of it, after having been on and off about srs for about 7 years since coming out as ftm and learned about the options.

But as luck and fate would have it (okay, it was the surgeon's unreasonably long waiting list) those surgeries never happened. Cause about a year later, how I felt about my genitals changed, after I had decided to give them one final, last chance. Over a 2 months long time period I exposed myself to my genital dysphoria daily (with lots of self care), and treated my bad case of vaginal atrophy with topical estrogen and dilation, which eventually paid off. And oh my goodness, it paid off so well!

By then I no longer wanted any kind of srs. I became very protective of my vagina and I began to love it. And ever since then I've loved it, although it of course still has its annoying quirks. Especially since I went of T in my detransition and the (not so) monthly red alert is back again. And it brought cramps as well! But over all I've never enjoyed my own genitals this much before in my entire life, it's truly liberating and they're easily my favourite part of my body now, instead of my most hated.

As for my gender... honestly my newfound love for my genitals became such a drastic turn of events that it was what made me eventually want to detransition, as I quite unexpectedly (and both literally and figuratively) found a very direct canal to my own deeply buried and atrophied womanhood. But also, despite being openly detransitioning, I've come to understand that I don't truly regret having transitioned. I just re-identified, changed my style, and want my tits back. So I regret top surgery but I don't regret T although I wish I had taken it with the knowledge of myself that I have now.

My body is quite a puzzle of "this and that" gender-wise now, but I like it. To me my deep voice, facial hair, extra body hair, etc blend in so well together with my vagina, curvy body shape and small frame. My additional male traits look and feel so real and natural, it's as if I always had them somehow. I most definitely became attached to them. They're very comforting to me, both the parts I was born with and what T gave me. And like I wouldn't be me, or this comfortable, without all of that at once. The only thing on my body that feels and looks out of place to me, is my flat chest. That's my only source of dysphoria now, that I couldn't heal away. Perhaps that grief dug too deep. I can look at it, and touch it when I have to for showering and such, and go swimming without my breast forms, but I don't like the flat surface and I still feel that mental trauma in my lack of breasts. I really wouldn't mind having hairy tits after my reconstruction, but I dunno if my extra body hair will stick around much longer now without the T. I actually hope it will though.

I wasn't ever a trans man, I was always a woman; I just hated being one. Now I love being a woman and I love most of my androgynous body. I seem to be caught somewhere between cis and trans. Not really trans cause of being an afab woman, but not really cis either cause I'm quite happily transitioned with my male traits. The closest label I can find for myself these days is "dysphoric woman" which I'm pretty sure I snatched from radfem terminology.

But as I no longer pass as female irl, no matter how I dress, the treasure in my panties hides alongside my true gender.

You manage to deal with these hardships in a very admireable way, SeptagonScars .
I hope you find some peace and happiness.
Do you really need a label for who you are? Maybe you are just SeptagonScars and maybe that doesn't need any further explanation.
If you really need a label, would one of the non-binary genders fit your feelings?

Luv,
Debby

My genitals are pretty much the main source of my dysphoria. Even before I knew I was trans, I always hated it and always wanted it gone. Nothing quite ruins my day more than starting off with morning wood. Instant mood killer for me.

I'm working my way right now toward HRT, with the sincere hope that it'll help tone down the erections to the point where I don't have something unpleasant "pop up" every morning on me.

And I dream of the way when I can get SRS, which I've found to be the absolute most difficult thing to explain to my cis male friends.

Quote from: cassiebythesea on May 09, 2019, 01:35:27 AM
My genitals are pretty much the main source of my dysphoria. Even before I knew I was trans, I always hated it and always wanted it gone. Nothing quite ruins my day more than starting off with morning wood. Instant mood killer for me.

I'm working my way right now toward HRT, with the sincere hope that it'll help tone down the erections to the point where I don't have something unpleasant "pop up" every morning on me.

And I dream of the way when I can get SRS, which I've found to be the absolute most difficult thing to explain to my cis male friends.

That should find a rather quick end, once you are on testosterone blockers (but any erection will be hard to get),  Once you have the testes removed, erections should be something of the past!

Quote from: DebbySoufflage on May 05, 2019, 07:04:24 PM
You manage to deal with these hardships in a very admireable way, SeptagonScars .
I hope you find some peace and happiness.
Do you really need a label for who you are? Maybe you are just SeptagonScars and maybe that doesn't need any further explanation.
If you really need a label, would one of the non-binary genders fit your feelings?

Luv,
Debby

Thank you, it's been an intense year, figuring those things out and dealing with them hands on.

Well, I really wish I could "just be me" without any labels, but I just keep stumbling on my words and being totally misunderstood by 99,9% of people irl. Cause I don't have the language to explain what I am, and I don't feel good about that I'm by default being perceived as something I am not, which requires explanation to clear up. And I think maybe a label would help me communicate my situation better. Like imagine you didn't have the word "internet" in your vocabulary and could only ever rely on explaining what internet is (without using the word internet) every time you needed to talk about it. Then you too might have wanted a simple term for what you're trying to describe to others. Cause all that explaining might get exhausting after a while. Especially when they always ask you if the things you describe are actually accurate or if it's in fact telephones or libraries that you're talking about. And maybe you're not even entirely sure exactly how internet works, which makes it even harder to explain.

People don't ever even ask me if I'm a man or a woman. I don't think they dare to? Cause only one person has asked that since my detransing and it was a drunk old man at a bus stop. Everyone else just straight up assumes something I'm not and I only notice by the hints they give me and how most avoid using any pronouns for me at all. Like I'm going to an lgbt cafe in my area where everyone is nice and it's both lgbt people and allies going there. I've gone there since September last year but still haven't managed to tell them anything about my gender situation. Because I don't know how to but really want to.

As a result of my incapability to communicate, my very visible gender situation has become something like a mysterious secret that every new person I meet is walking on eggshells around. Like no one is talking about it but everyone knows, and like it's "hush-hush don't offend her/him." That's not a nice situation to be the centre of attention of and it's kinda suffocating me, but I don't know how to sort it out. Cause I know that usually just talking to people will lighten such tensions... but not if what I can say will only cause more confusion. So yeah, it kinda does need further explanation than just my name, cause that "mysterious secret hidden in plain sight" that is my constantly misinterpreted (and probably "shocking") gender situation is stifling my social life, and my confidence. Cause I don't like being treated like I'm made of glass and like a single "wrong" word would shatter me.

I dunno, it's possible I'm nonbinary if I just look at my dysphoria and how I want my body to be, and that I see my mind/personality as highly androgynous, but genderwise I choose to go by my bio sex regardless of what my gender actually is. Seems most nonbinary labels are very focused on the gender and the abstract, while I'm more focused on the physical/bodily and the tangible. But I'm looking into it. Like I could be nb but just not focused on my gender, just my expression, transition, dysphoria and euphoria.

Sorry for the long rant of a reply! Just wanted to explain why I feel I need a label, and... ironically that was a little difficult! ;)

Quote from: Bea1968 on April 28, 2019, 11:29:34 AM
I like mine.  I know how to use it.  My wife likes it.  In a practical way . . . removing it would not make sense. 

Love it! Used to look forward to Nero's OFF-THE-WALL questions!

       I'm with you @Bea1968! If it's a woman what can a lesbian do that I cannot? I mean I certainly wouldn't seek one out in the first place but if it's "a man"? Chances are he'd be "gay" so genital dysphoria is the least of my problems!

       While not a big fan of WPATH or "the medical establishment" I'd be a firm supporter of longer waiting periods for those requesting permanent surgeries such as GRS there's soo many other advances, medicinal and otherwise, that would be just as confirming to us as women in the meantime.

       While controversial (for seemingly obvious reasons?) there's an old article by Scientific American entitled "The Third Gender (https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-third-gender-2012-10-23/)" that, among other things, attempts to explain the multi-faceted sociological diversities inherent within transgender attitudes worldwide. On a very basic, visceral level I really don't view us as being a "unified community" at all as Susan's Place so aptly demonstrates every day.

Former "Annwyn" if your still "lurking" here plz send me a PM!

It's very hard to pin down my feelings. "It" is something I don't even like to acknowledge. I don't like having "it", I just like to not think about it. However, what triggers my genital dysphoria is pretty random. Probably the worst is if I end up seeing myself in the mirror, that's when I'm most like "That doesn't belong there". When wearing clothes, I also wish it were gone. When going to the bathroom, I really wish it were gone (I stopped standing a very long time ago, but even when sitting it still gets in the way, doesn't work like I want it to, and still has to be touched sometimes UGH).

BUT not to self harm levels. I've never been anywhere near mutilating myself, but I wouldn't be sad at all if something happened and it were gone. As I said earlier, it's complicated for me. I'm not sure how deep my genital dysphoria really is. I am dysphoric, but it seems to come and go in intensity. I'm still trying to sort out my feelings on this matter. One thing's for certain, though - if I could just snap a finger and have the right genitalia, I would do that without even a second thought.