The man I've been dating online sent me a beautiful letter telling me his thoughts about a relationship with me. I truly never in my wildest dreams thought someone like him would be interested in getting to know me. I put my self on the dating site as an experiment to see what would happen and now I just want to cry so hard. I just feel so sad, I'm so sorry what I did. I'm waiting for his reply , but I'm pretty sure what it's going to be
Good luck! Sometimes it works out better than you can imagine.... Recently had a fling with a guy, when I told him, it was a complete non-issue; had a hard time comprehending it, then a hard time believing it, then once he understood said that it didnt matter, he honestly couldnt see me as anything other than a woman anyway. Decided not to pursue things with him as Im really more into girls than guys...
thanks
Is the glass half empty or half full.
How you have to look at new relationships.
They are unknown till you ask the question.
Hugs
thanks
I wouldn't sell him or anyone short. You never know what a person's response is going to be. The guy I'm in a relationship with now took it surprisingly well. He was wide opened to it. I can tell he is still processing everything due to the fact that when he hit certain subjects that intersect with it that cause him to pause for a bit and in some cases ask more questions. The other thing that is important is to be patient and give the needed space if necessary to help sort through this at his or anyone's own speed. As much I want to help him and speed him through things I know I can't and half to let things take their natural course as much as that is hard for me. Hugs
Mariah
Didn't you list yourself as a trans woman anyway? I really hope he accepts you, everyone deserves happiness.
Quote from: ImagineKate on January 12, 2015, 03:38:11 PM
Didn't you list yourself as a trans woman anyway?
Thats a rough one to just throw out there publically... At least for me personally...
Quote from: ImagineKate on January 12, 2015, 03:38:11 PM
Didn't you list yourself as a trans woman anyway? I really hope he accepts you, everyone deserves happiness.
there is a female site and a male site. I listed on the female side n, but not on the male side. He said something a couple of days ago that made me think he saw the profile in the female section , but I'm not really sure
So he saw you in the male section and wants to date you? He thinks you're a gay man? Hmm not sure how that is going to work.
Quote from: ashrock on January 12, 2015, 03:45:11 PM
Thats a rough one to just throw out there publically... At least for me personally...
It is but some dating sites have that option.
I personally wouldn't disclose until things got "serious" but that's just me. (and it's not like I'm even dating anyway)
Quote from: Mariah2014 on January 12, 2015, 03:28:01 PM
I wouldn't sell him or anyone short. You never know what a person's response is going to be. The guy I'm in a relationship with now took it surprisingly well. He was wide opened to it. I can tell he is still processing everything due to the fact that when he hit certain subjects that intersect with it that cause him to pause for a bit and in some cases ask more questions. The other thing that is important is to be patient and give the needed space if necessary to help sort through this at his or anyone's own speed. As much I want to help him and speed him through things I know I can't and half to let things take their natural course as much as that is hard for me. Hugs
Mariah
well, there is always hope.
Quote from: ImagineKate on January 12, 2015, 03:49:18 PM
It is but some dating sites have that option.
I personally wouldn't disclose until things got "serious" but that's just me. (and it's not like I'm even dating anyway)
he seemed to be really interested and I freaked out. Never ever expected someone like him to have an interest . I really only did it as an experiment, which blew up in my face
Hold on to your hope, It's almost always better to be optimistic anyway.
Mariah
Quote from: stephaniec on January 12, 2015, 03:49:56 PM
well, there is always hope.
You never know your luck. But if it doesn't work out, onwards and upwards! Hugs :)
Quote from: ImagineKate on January 12, 2015, 03:48:35 PM
So he saw you in the male section and wants to date you? He thinks you're a gay man? Hmm not sure how that is going to work.
I posted on the male dating side as a female. He's straight and widowed. I posted as Stephanie my profile said straight female and I posted on the female side as transgender lesbian
Quote from: Ms Grace on January 12, 2015, 03:59:00 PM
You never know your luck. But if it doesn't work out, onwards and upwards! Hugs :)
thanks it's a bummer though
thanks everyone for the help I feel better
Quote from: stephaniec on January 12, 2015, 03:53:06 PM
he seemed to be really interested and I freaked out. Never ever expected someone like him to have an interest . I really only did it as an experiment, which blew up in my face
Wow.... uhhhh, yeah... kinda mirrors my experience... Got drunk, dude wanted to make out and I went along with it because, well, it was nice to be wanted (and I was curious if maybe I was straight... guess not...). Felt like I should tell him, and was tipsy enough to have the courage to do so.
well, He just emailed me , but I'm too afraid to look at it, so I'll update the situation soon or something
Oh wow, sending lots of positive vibes. The fact he responded at all could be a positive sign though! One way or another he cared enough to send an answer rather than just cutting off contact.
Fingers crossed!
yea, it was a big surprise , I woke up and saw his name on the email and it made me smile. I thought I'd never hear from him again. Even if it's a goodbye it shows he was as sweet as I thought
Its okay what you did you know, your just a human that wants to be wanted, appreciated, loved, cared about.... like everyone else.
I hope it turns out better than what you fear.
I'm happy and proud of you for telling him!!
Quote from: treeLB on January 13, 2015, 11:38:11 AM
Its okay what you did you know, your just a human that wants to be wanted, appreciated, loved, cared about.... like everyone else.
I hope it turns out better than what you fear.
thanks
what happened? ? ? ?
i hope he is lovely about it but even if not, the bigger thing is you busted through your fear, thats massive!! i bet there are lots of kind decent guys out there if this one doesnt play out. all the best!! xx
Quote from: alexbb on January 13, 2015, 12:07:09 PM
what happened? ? ? ?
i hope he is lovely about it but even if not, the bigger thing is you busted through your fear, thats massive!! i bet there are lots of kind decent guys out there if this one doesnt play out. all the best!! xx
he sent me an email and I'm afraid to look at it , but at least he was nice to reply when I told him I was transgender. I emailed him back I told him I was afraid to find out how he felt about trans women so at least he knows that sooner or later I'll get brave enough to see what he says so if a miracle happens and it doesn't bother him at least it gives me some time to build the courage to face it. I've had this problem all my life so it's not a new thing with me , it can be pretty paralyzing
fear is a prison we build for ourselves. something like that anyway!! i built a good one for 32 years. im taking great pleasure in kicking over those walls i can tell you.
anticipation is almost always more intense than the event being anticipated, either painful or pleasurable, too. hope ur ok!
xx
I'm all right , it's just a problem I've had a long time and it's a pain.
Either this guy is a bigotted idiot, in which case he can do one, or he's accepting and warm. I guess its a coin toss. But if he is horrible, its his problem not yours. onto the next one. Pulling is a numbers game! You have nothing to fear, you've already conquered something most people can barely imagine; coming to terms and coming out. Youve got more guts than pretty much anyone and your an inspiration to me, for what its worth.
I still have my fingers crossed :). Would it help if someone else looked at the email (I'm thinking a friend) first? Or sat next to you when you open it?
A big hug!
FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, STEPHANIE, READ THE MESSAGE ALREADY!!! YOU'RE DRIVING US CRAZY!!!
:icon_nervious:
well, I was suppose to have a therapy apt. today and I was going to talk about this whole business of what I did and the situation I got myself into. She's really the only person I know that could look at the message for me , but she called off sick ,so I'm stuck with my fears until I break down and force a peek. Or what I'm hoping that he doesn't care about me being trans and replys to my reply email which will force me to look because I'll feel a little safer. I'll be all right what ever happens , but I think my brain was engineered in reverse.
Let me be the bitch to say it but just open the message. It isn't like you even know him in real time yet. Like I mentioned before in another topic, don't jump so deep into it before it gotten something really serious (real time serious). I don't mean to be mean about it but you got the chance to hurt yourself if you feel so much for someone you have not even ever met. Someone you do not even know.
Quote from: Kirey on January 13, 2015, 03:24:56 PM
Let me be the bitch to say it but just open the message. It isn't like you even know him in real time yet. Like I mentioned before in another topic, don't jump so deep into it before it gotten something really serious (real time serious). I don't mean to be mean about it but you got the chance to hurt yourself if you feel so much for someone you have not even ever met. Someone you do not even know.
Very much understand this, but if I where to hazard a guess; the particular guy matters little, but the concept of potentially being rejected is a difficult situation to face at times.
Recently was in a situation where a girl led me on then just turned cold right as Id gotten hope it would go somewhere. She told me she was really only interested in dating guys, that id been just a good bit of fun, and was sorry she led me on, I was devastated for like a day until I admitted honestly, I wasnt even attracted to her, really more the idea of being in a lesbian relationship; which would be a new thing for me (at least new since transition anyway)...
Quote from: ashrock on January 13, 2015, 03:34:21 PM
Very much understand this, but if I where to hazard a guess; the particular guy matters little, but the concept of potentially being rejected is a difficult situation to face at times.
Recently was in a situation where a girl led me on then just turned cold right as Id gotten hope it would go somewhere. She told me she was really only interested in dating guys, that id been just a good bit of fun, and was sorry she led me on, I was devastated for like a day until I admitted honestly, I wasnt even attracted to her, really more the idea of being in a lesbian relationship; which would be a new thing for me (at least new since transition anyway)...
I have quite a severe fear of rejection, he's just someone from a dating site that's probably done this a zillion times , but it's a burden I've carried for a very long time. I probably shouldn't of started talking about this, I'm sorry
Quote from: stephaniec on January 13, 2015, 03:43:37 PM
I have quite a severe fear of rejection, he's just someone from a dating site that's probably done this a zillion times , but it's a burden I've carried for a very long time. I probably shouldn't of started talking about this, I'm sorry
Stephanie, don't make assumptions. This might be the first time he's replied and he might be refreshing every two minutes looking for a reply.
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on January 13, 2015, 03:46:26 PM
Stephanie, don't make assumptions. This might be the first time he's replied and he might be refreshing every two minutes looking for a reply.
Hugs, Devlyn
That's what I was thinking....maybe he wants to see where this leads, and has asked you out to lunch...the longer he waits, the more "flakey" he'll see you.
Take a couple of deep breathes, tell yourself "it's only an email" and then click on it.
Close your eyes if you have to...but *hugs* just do it, woman! We're all here to cheer you or comfort you...
Good golly. It's like "Who shot J.R.?" (circa 1980) all over again.
If I was in your shoes, Stephanie, feeling they way you are, I would sit down, write a list of 5 things I love about myself (so that I'm feeling a teeny bit more secure), and then I'd open the email, and no matter what it says, I'd make a list of 5 more things I love about myself (for the reassurance value).
But that's just me.
You go girl!
Quote from: Miharu Barbie on January 13, 2015, 04:04:49 PM
Good golly. It's like "Who shot J.R.?" (circa 1980) all over again.
Kristin Shepard! (yet another victim of that pool of doom... My sister got married at southfork ranch... I actually witnessed the death pool and survived...)
Oh... wait... that was rhetorical.... my parents named me and my sister after characters on that ridiculous show.... but I digress.... Please open it? We will be here no matter what it says.
well, I'll try
Send it to me I will crack that puppy open
<suspenseful music>
I'll do it for Susan's
*sits on edge of seat*
:-X
Stephanie, I'm your sister in faith, and you have my love and support. If he accepts you hooray! If he doesn't, you have countless girls here that love you! Count me as one of them!
And me!!!
We've never really talked but I think you're amazing!!!! Good luck regardless of what the email says :)
thanks , the cliff is beckoning me and Susan's will be my parachute or hand glider or I'll even settle for some helium balloons as long as there's no tornados around and I end up in OZ.
I'm glad Susan's is open 24 hrs
So no good news? I'm sorry :(
Quote from: adrian on January 14, 2015, 12:30:40 AM
So no good news? I'm sorry :(
Well, this is what I get for being a dummy. I haven't been able to open the email he sent yesterday , now I've got two emails sitting there and the latest one shows the begining part of the sentence on the reply and say's ' it's not a mistake , but I need you to r......'.
Life would be so much simpler if my brain wasn't so bent out of shape. Sorry for imposing my insanity on everyone.
not reading them sounds horrible, it cant be better than just reading them.
He bothered to respond a second time! He wouldn't if he didn't care in some way.
Can you phone someone for support while you open them?
Quote from: alexbb on January 14, 2015, 09:39:26 AM
not reading them sounds horrible, it cant be better than just reading them.
yea, no matter what he's saying it's too much of an energy drain not to.
Go for it! We're all rooting for you!
Dee
(Yeah, so I'm a "cheerleader", get over it! ;) )
Quote from: Dee Walker on January 14, 2015, 09:50:03 AM
Go for it! We're all rooting for you!
Dee
(Yeah, so I'm a "cheerleader", get over it! ;) )
I'm giving my self a deadline . I'll be a Starbucks tonight with all the college kids hanging out and I'll do it.
Omg why do you want to do it around all the colloge kids? oh you really know how to keep us in suspense!
Quote from: treeLB on January 14, 2015, 10:18:20 AM
Omg why do you want to do it around all the colloge kids? oh you really know how to keep us in suspense!
in case something goes haywire they are such an inspiration to me so full of life
Stephanie, I can feel your angst through the monitor. Boy oh boy!!! do I know that feeling of having to tell someone and there is that little awkward moment of silence when you finally get it out in the open and the mindheart is racing, but yet you nervously remain calm and you can literally see their thoughts as they are trying to assimilate the 'landscaping' (cause I know that's what they are doing). In some strange and truly bizarre way it makes me feel a weird rush of power, weakness, fear, brave reality, confrontation, peace, love, anger, rejection and acceptance -- all at the same moment!
Your subject line is a good subject topic all to itself. Hang in there you bravesmartgirl and whichever way it goes -- it goes. Just remember you are not alone in this except only in the methodology used to tell him.
well, I just opened one and one to go. He say's he wants to know more about me. I'd really like to get to know him too. One more email to go , so maybe not as bad as I was fearing. Thanks for all the support. I really still can't believe this is happening. I hope he's real
Yay [emoji7]
Quote from: stephaniec on January 14, 2015, 12:20:14 PM
well, I just opened one and one to go. He say's he wants to know more about me. I'd really like to get to know him too. One more email to go , so maybe not as bad as I was fearing. Thanks for all the support. I really still can't believe this is happening. I hope he's real
YAY! :)
Take it one step at a time, girl...but don't plod along. :-*
I'm so happy you were able to do that. I hope and pray he is real for you. Hugs
Mariah
thanks, It's pretty cool to find someone to talk to who knows your trans and still wants to get to know you.
Very much so. I feel the same about the person I am with. It's amazing how the fear of the unknown always gets you though.
Mariah
Quote from: stephaniec on January 14, 2015, 02:26:24 PM
thanks, It's pretty cool to find someone to talk to who knows your trans and still wants to get to know you.
I guess we're cool, We've been sending each other emails today, so this has turned out so cool. thanks again for the confidence building
Girl,
This is so great.. Congrads.
Big Hugs,
Jennifer
Congrats :)
yea, there really is a cloud 9
HURRAY!!!
and just think, a lot of people are probably just as nonjudgemental.
Just dont get too hung up on one person early on, play it cool and leave him wanting more!! ;)
so happy for you!!
Very happy for you!
Quote from: stephaniec on January 14, 2015, 12:20:14 PM
well, I just opened one and one to go. He say's he wants to know more about me. I'd really like to get to know him too. One more email to go , so maybe not as bad as I was fearing. Thanks for all the support. I really still can't believe this is happening. I hope he's real
that is frakin awesome.....all that torture for nothing!!!!! let him have it!!!!!!!!
I just wrote him a email about my thoughts on a relationship and me being trans . We'll see what he says
Fingers crossed. I hope things continue to go well. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: stephaniec on January 14, 2015, 07:11:42 PM
I just wrote him a email about my thoughts on a relationship and me being trans . We'll see what he says
I hope so too, but I'm having a hard time believing a good looking straight cis guy is interested
That is what I thought when I started my relationship and it isn't always true. I hope your case turns into one of those cases too where he is and stays interested. I wouldn't sell yourself or him short. People can surprise you when you least expect it. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: stephaniec on January 14, 2015, 07:54:45 PM
I hope so too, but I'm having a hard time believing a good looking straight cis guy is interested
Stephanie, this is wonderful news.
Never think that you do not deserve the happiness in this world. We love you and keep that chin high - you beautiful woman.
Hugs and Kisses,
April
thanks I really appreciate the love around here
I'm really glad that things are working out like that. I also fear that getting a relationship will be difficult, when I'm really being myself. I also hope my fears to be unjustified.
Quote from: Elsa Delyth on January 15, 2015, 03:15:57 AM
I'm really glad that things are working out like that. I also fear that getting a relationship will be difficult, when I'm really being myself. I also hope my fears to be unjustified.
"There's a lid for every pot."Seriously, better to be yourself and alone, than a fake with another fake. (No sincere person would willingly date (more than once) someone who is false).
Be yourself. Let your proper partner meet you...which means you have to put yourself out there, and yes everyone will reject you UNTIL you meet The One.
Accept and EMBRACE the rejections! Each one who rejects you, means you're one person closer to the one who will love you AS YOU ARE!!
/preaching is over
Can I have an AMEN!
:angel:
I was reading through the thread and the suspense nearly killed me! Glad you finally found the courage to open and read the email and glad that it turned out better than what you expected! =)
Quote from: Beth Andrea on January 15, 2015, 03:35:33 AM
"There's a lid for every pot."
Seriously, better to be yourself and alone, than a fake with another fake. (No sincere person would willingly date (more than once) someone who is false).
Be yourself. Let your proper partner meet you...which means you have to put yourself out there, and yes everyone will reject you UNTIL you meet The One.
Accept and EMBRACE the rejections! Each one who rejects you, means you're one person closer to the one who will love you AS YOU ARE!!
/preaching is over
Can I have an AMEN!
:angel:
Amen sister!!
xx
Amen
well, I sent him a long email today about a possible relationship after revealing my trans status. He wrote me this really beautiful Email before he knew I was trans and I wrote a long reply based on what he wrote so if he's really still interested I should definitely find out if he's going to stick around for awhile pretty soon. If not I guess you keep moving along I think the hormones have made me a little too excited about being called pretty by someone on the internet though.
well it was fun while it lasted, at least I know now that there are guys that like my looks. but I don't think they're too thrilled about the transgender part , but I could be wrong it's probably part of the online dating thing. live and learn
I'm sorry he chickened out. Hopefully, someone else will come along. You handled everything very bravely and considerate though. I hope you emerge from this with a bit of extra pride and confidence in yourself. A big hug!
Big *HUGS* to you Stephanie! There will be others!
thanks, I think I have to be more aware of the power of hormones. I did it to see the reaction to my picture and I kind of got surprised by this persons reaction. I don't know if it was real before he knew I was trans or not . My first experience , it was interesting though
I'm so sorry Stephanie but as they say, "plenty of fish"
yea, as long as I don't hook any barracudas I'll be all right
C'est la vie mon ami,
demain sera kinder
Happens to the best of us Steph. Remember I was supposed to date a guy by the end of this month. I just realized that he didn't put his dating profile down and continues to scope some girls.
I confronted him and got really defensive and upset with me. Ugh! Men I tell you are just (warning: man hater vitriol) %^#*^$
Let go and Let GOD as I say.
Big hugs to you my friend :) We love you xo
well, I guess honestly It was my first time ever on a dating site and I left myself unguarded plus I didn't put trans down so I told him in the email I wrote that I totally understood if he couldn't accept it. just saw this handsome guy saying these beautiful things and I got a little crazy. Then he wrote me this crazy beautiful email and I went double crazy and kind of lost it.