I've been transgendered (MtF) for about three years but I hid it for almost all my life, living in a Christian house-hold...Being what I am, doesn't go down well with my family, but my family is small and we don't really talk, the people I live with are: My sister Corie (FtM), my mom Michelle (Anti) and my dead Grandma's husband...Berry (Indifferent).
When I told my mom about being transgendered, she didn't believe me and thought, "It would just be a phase", fast-forward to a year later! And my mom lets me wear make-up, have long hair and wear skinny jeans...At High School, I get teased, made fun of...The typical! I don't give a rat's ->-bleeped-<- though...My mom says that me and my sister Corie are bad for the family and that were going to be beaten up.
Today, August 14, 2009: 12:15 P.M., I am in tears, my make-up is everywhere and I look like I am dead, I am depressed and my sister is also...And we've even thought about suicide! But you may ask what in the world could cause this?
Today I was going to wear a green ball-gown dress to school today but right before we were about to leave. My mom yelled at me and said, that I can't go to school like that, that people would stare at her and I could get beat up. I didn't care but she did, she slammed doors, yelled at me and my Sister Corie, she then told me i'm not going to school today as she told me, "If someone beats you up and kill you, I am not going to your funeral!"
As she slams the house door and goes to work, leaving me and my sister Corie crying in tears, while she goes off to work. Fast-forward again two hours and my mom's boy-friend Kevin knocks on the door, I am in my room sleeping and when Corie opens the door he comes in and yells at her, I wake up from his screaming and come out...He then yells at me, as I sit at the kitchen table, he says I made our mom cry, that I should wait to be a adult before I do what I do, that I will always be a man, no man would ever accept or love me, that girls have boobs and a pussy...And then he even threatened to hit me and said "Your pissing me off so much, I'm about to hit you!"
By now, I'm screaming, Corie is quiet and then I tell him...That she made me cry by hurting my feelings, not accepting me and by saying really hateful things. I then tell him that why should I hide who I am, I should be who I am at all times, this is America and I have my freedom to be me! Then I told him about surgrey, I also told him about my celibacy, finally I tell him that, "Just because I don't have boobs the size of Texas doesn't make me or anyone else who is flat-chested even more or less of a girl."
After almost hitting me and yelling at both of us, he slams the door and leaves, after crying for about ten more minutes, I call my mom and told her about how he threatened to hit me and everything and all she said was, "Whatever...", as she hangs up the phone.
Fast-forward for the last time and I am searching for comfort and to make this pain go away and I find Susan's. As that leads me to what I am telling you now.
Pics of me in the dress:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fc1.ac-images.myspacecdn.com%2Fimages02%2F100%2Fl_70db3db28c1f4e0ca368b97c445ef7b0.jpg&hash=21e2abd74893968f75bc5c29e5d0ae7b64daa17c)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fc2.ac-images.myspacecdn.com%2Fimages02%2F83%2Fl_d42794769b1f4627a8b2398d31c8646d.jpg&hash=34045e9700e091af0c477ade372e97c2c487c8b2)
Random photo of me:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fc1.ac-images.myspacecdn.com%2Fimages02%2F68%2Fl_12f7e4a37bc846a98c4405a6ef49cf20.jpg&hash=c8d8dde95b2b592555f03071ba849b6e096d2630)
After the event:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fc2.ac-images.myspacecdn.com%2Fimages02%2F100%2Fl_2e7168ce5cdb4e51a1daeca6aa01c2ed.jpg&hash=f1fc559bb6d9e1d3a554ad6304493b0219e2aa3f)
It's funny how you can be happy in the morning and a few hours pass by and everything is wrong...
Your mother's fears are valid. While I don't think they are entirely based in concern for you, the things she is saying aren't completely out of line. Could you and she perhaps reach a compromise of some sorts? I know it isn't fair to you to have to compromise but meh, it sounds like your'e stuck with her for a while.
Quote from: Becca on August 14, 2009, 03:10:49 PM
Your mother's fears are valid. While I don't think they are entirely based in concern for you, the things she is saying aren't completely out of line. Could you and she perhaps reach a compromise of some sorts? I know it isn't fair to you to have to compromise but meh, it sounds like your'e stuck with her for a while.
Two more years! =[
Quote from: Inphyy on August 14, 2009, 02:50:12 PM. . . that I should wait to be a adult before I do what I do . . .
It's funny how you can be happy in the morning and a few hours pass by and everything is wrong...
Everything is not *wrong*, I agree you look great, but as a parent myself boy-friend is right in that if your still living at home and yer "authorities" disapprove then you need to *just chill* for awhile, at least until yer 18 when they can legally *throw you out*! ;)
Not intended as legal advise but I've
have been thru the mill myself lately (see "wife" other thread) so take it for what it's worth!
Cheers & Good Luck, Kiera
The fear of you being picked on, yelled at, beat up, seriously injured, or even raped and killed is legitimate on her part, but it doesn't justify her being hateful towards you and your decisions. I see it more as her lashing out at you because of her own fear and not knowing what else to do. Regardless as to whether or not parents agree with their children's decisions, they still love us and want to protect us.
My advice: (yes, I know advice is a dangerous thing to give, but here goes) try to find some compromise. Sit down and try to talk to her about how you feel, and what you understand about the dangers associated with being yourself. Make sure she knows you're not just being willful and foolish. If she won't listen, write a letter. If she won't listen or read, then just hang on for awhile, and wait until you're on your own. It'll be worth it.
On a totally unrelated note; you're an absolutely gorgeous woman. In the dress, at that random time, and yes; even while you're crying. You're beautiful. :)
So compromise. Maybe you'll agree to lay off the flowing dresses and stick with Capris. In return she keeps feeding you and your 'sister' and keeps her boyfriend from beating you. It's less than ideal I know but there has to be a way.
When you sit her down to talk, use a lot of "I" statements, go easy on the "yous". Try to keep your composure. I know it hurts but disentegrating into a ball of tears and shrieks won't help. Tell her you love her if you truthfully can. Own it, and approach her like you are asking for help from someone you love and trust.
It's time to look into some counseling, is that a reasonable possibility?
Quote from: Becca on August 14, 2009, 03:47:52 PM
So compromise. Maybe you'll agree to lay off the flowing dresses and stick with Capris. In return she keeps feeding you and your 'sister' and keeps her boyfriend from beating you. It's less than ideal I know but there has to be a way.
When you sit her down to talk, use a lot of "I" statements, go easy on the "yous". Try to keep your composure. I know it hurts but disentegrating into a ball of tears and shrieks won't help. Tell her you love her if you truthfully can. Own it, and approach her like you are asking for help from someone you love and trust.
It's time to look into some counseling, is that a reasonable possibility?
There's no fact about it! I really want counseling, also I want to take hormones but I havn't had the chance or know a place in California that gives out hormones and the cost of them.
I told my mom millions of times, that I know the risks and dangers of being who I am and that I am already immune to it, cause i've been jadeingly picked on and abused by others already.
I try talking to her about it, but she ignores me...She never even asks me why the reason I am--who I am. She accepts me in a way but at the same time she doesn't accept me, It's weird and I hate that she sicked her boyfriend on me.
I meant family counseling, not necessarily trans related therapy. It seems there is a lot of drama here, and to be fair to your mother having not one but two transexual children is a big cross to bear. Trans related therapy and hormones aren't that hard to come by, you'll figure that part out when you are ready but it sounds like this family thing is reaching a critical mass and I'd get some outside help sweety.
Try the county mental health department or something similar. Usually on the same day you make the appointment you'll see an intake counselor, who will make sure you are safe, and not a threat to yourself or anyone else. They will talk to you and find out what's going on and pick a therapist from their harem who suits you. Most of those places have a sliding fee scale so it shouldn't cost you much. They probably don't have a gender therapist on staff, but I'm sure they have someone who can help you stabilise your family situation.
Quote from: Kiera on August 14, 2009, 04:17:20 PM
*Curiosity is getting the better of me* Do you really know "the reason(s)" yourself? Also - given your appearance and fact that you certainly seem to be responding as a girl - if you really feel harmed or threatened by boyfriend then call the police next time it happens because . . . *devils advocate speaking here*
I'd really be curious as to how they regard you and what they'll do!
lol Please, hopefully you don't need to test it! Read, read, read and stop crying for pete's sake, there's many easy solutions to your dilemma and ya just need to LOOK :D
It's because my mind is more fem then the typical "male" brain and my body didn't catch on and by the 50-50 flip coin chance, I ended up "male" when I was suppose to be female. Also I know because I respond exactly like a typical women would in most problems, like I hate fighting, If someone is harming me my typical Flight or Fight response is to run and when I see clothes, fashions, clothes and the human body I see it as a women. When I see a naked body I think of the human body as a art; Rather then most men who think sexual.
That's what I am going to do! I had my Laptop on the counter, If only I had hit record for the webcam, I could have some proof for the police...They regard me as gay, both my mom and her boyfriend see transexual people and gay people as equal and the same! My mom says that she is thinking about sending me away to get me away from her!
Post Merge: August 14, 2009, 04:29:38 PM
Quote from: Becca on August 14, 2009, 04:21:22 PM
I meant family counseling, not necessarily trans related therapy. It seems there is a lot of drama here, and to be fair to your mother having not one but two transexual children is a big cross to bear. Trans related therapy and hormones aren't that hard to come by, you'll figure that part out when you are ready but it sounds like this family thing is reaching a critical mass and I'd get some outside help sweety.
Try the county mental health department or something similar. Usually on the same day you make the appointment you'll see an intake counselor, who will make sure you are safe, and not a threat to yourself or anyone else. They will talk to you and find out what's going on and pick a therapist from their harem who suits you. Most of those places have a sliding fee scale so it shouldn't cost you much. They probably don't have a gender therapist on staff, but I'm sure they have someone who can help you stabilise your family situation.
My mom wants me to be conseled but she doesn't think she needs to, she says that I should who I should typically be and that I am not normal and need help!
Hun, I don't care what the reason is If my daughters told me that their moms boyfriend threatened to hit them I'd be on his ass like a hobo on a ham sandwich! There is never a reason to hit a child. Can you talk to your school counselor?
Inphyy, I'm so sorry that you are having such a tough time of things. Being a teenager is hard enough with everything that teens go through, but to add being openly transsexual... I can't imagine. I'm afraid I have no wisdom to share as I've never had such experiences and I've only just come out to myself a few weeks ago.
I will say that suicide is definitely NOT the best option. Much of the advice above seems to be quite wise, though it sounds like you somehow need to find the way to get your mom to listen and understand how difficult it is for you and Corie to feel the way you do. I think there is too much talk in the 'normal' world about gays, lesbians and transgenders being a "choice" and that someone influenced you to feel this way. I know it could not be any further from the truth in most cases (there may be a small percentage that do choose). I know that for me I struggled with this for 47 years before understanding that I am really a woman that just happens to have gotten the wrong body. I kind of envy you knowing and fighting for yourself at such a young age, but at the same time you are very young and are likely going to be subject to a lot more pain and suffering than if you were older. (you are quite beautiful though. I love your hair and your eyes are stunning - don't even get me started on the dress).
You are among some truly wonderfully amazing friends here who will stand (virtually) beside you through anything. I would definitely push for therapy and very soon, perhaps that may be a way to educate your mom and her BF. Perhaps a clinical diagnosis will make her realize that you aren't just being a couple of rebellious teens. I may be just talking out of my (pick an anatomical part of choice).
The best I can offer is a big (again virtual) hug to both you and Corie. :icon_hug: :icon_hug: Take care of yourself beautiful.
Deanna
Thats horrible. You actually are a pretty girl. You look happy. Never let anyone bring you down
Quote from: Inphyy on August 14, 2009, 04:26:38 PM
It's because my mind is more fem then the typical "male" brain and my body didn't catch on and by the 50-50 flip coin chance, I ended up "male" when I was suppose to be female.
lol, ok, we "get it" and I suppose it is very possible that it is indeed as simple as all of that but it appears your still not doing the very last thing I told you to do but hopefully that will come with time (what's that!) . . .
Welcome to Susans by-the-way, what you've written so far looks like the beginning of a very good introduction! If ya gonna persist in arguing with mum then be prepared for consequences but why do it anyway?
Ya Now Have Here! (for info / not arguing hopefully!) Gotta go . . .
(oops! wrong button!)
My mom says that she is trying to get me sent to foster care and that she doesn't want to take care of me anymore, she says not to call her mom anymore and that she wants me to get out of the house.
Seriously hun, talk to your school counselor. Something is not quite right in whosville .
Quote from: Inphyy on August 14, 2009, 04:40:12 PM
My mom says that she is trying to get me sent to foster care and that she doesn't want to take care of me anymore, she says not to call her mom anymore and that she wants me to get out of the house.
Oh chill, she'll get over it! Where in California? Want me to come and I'll talk to her (but make sure *boyfriend* is not around )?
ps: make sure you logoff, clear history on computer and move those pics to "the gallery" in "profile" asap! Sheeze! Were not "aiding & abetting" are we? God Forbid!
Quote from: Kiera on August 14, 2009, 04:43:58 PM
Oh chill, she'll get over it! Where in California? Want me to come and I'll talk to her (but make sure *boyfriend* is not around )?
ps: make sure you logoff, clear history on computer and move those pics to "the gallery" in "profile" asap! Sheeze! Were not "aiding & abetting" are we? God Forbid!
She won't just chill...She seriously is thinking about leaving me; I live in Ontario, California (Near Chino)
If the boyfriend does not live there, call the police. Mom is already upset, but this might push her over the edge. If you can find elsewhere to go, leave.
Check with the local GLBT group for housing. Sometimes they can find you something.
Janet
Quote from: Janet Lynn on August 14, 2009, 05:17:04 PM
If the boyfriend does not live there, call the police. Mom is already upset, but this might push her over the edge. If you can find elsewhere to go, leave.
Check with the local GLBT group for housing. Sometimes they can find you something.
Janet
Thanks, I would call the police...But I don't know what to say to them. Or even if they will take her side since i'm transgendered...It's sad that she is trying to get me into foster care and she is even trying to get me into jev for being a bad child---The only thing that is stopping that is the recession, them not having any room in the foster care and the fact that she doesn't have the money for the weekly charges of homes and getting me into such.
Right now I am on the tip of the ice-berg and if it melts anymore I am going to be falling into the freezing eternal sea. I ran out of life-lines and being only 16 and still a minor the tools that most adult transsexuals could use, I can't use for myself.
Quote from: Kiera on August 14, 2009, 05:36:07 PM
If ya not 18 you or mum are not going anywhere, not without consequences. Is that yer hair? If so tie it back, dress more *achm* inconspicuously and DO try to go along with the program! Have a 18 B party to attend with my *married w/kids spiritual advisers* "J" & "K",
will CI later . .
If she can get me into Jev, a ward or foster care then she wouldn't have to worry about me anymore! :\
Quote from: Inphyy on August 14, 2009, 05:07:59 PMShe won't just chill...She seriously is thinking about leaving me; I live in Ontario, California (Near Chino)
If ya not 18 you or mum are not going anywhere, not without consequences. Is that yer hair? If so tie it back, dress more
*achm* inconspicuously and DO try to go along with the program! Have a 18 B party to attend with my *married w/kids spiritual advisers* "J" & "K",
will CI later . .
QuoteIf she can get me into Jev, a ward or foster care then she wouldn't have to worry about me anymore! :\
STOP with the drama!
We've got you now and it'll BE OK! In the meantime, some great music from Atlanta (http://www.929dave.fm/)! (click "listen live" and I'm late!)
I was just thinking the same thing, it's time for a cup of coffee and a deep breath :)
Quote from: Becca on August 14, 2009, 05:45:05 PM
I was just thinking the same thing, it's time for a cup of coffee and a deep breath :)
I wish I could just be easy and relaxed but if you were under-aged, still developing, your parent(s) told you to get out or that they're sending you away...You would be kind of tense also! ._.
I don't know what to do, I'm in a panic state and I don't know what to do if I do get kicked out or sent away...I would have no where to live.
i am really sorry for what happened to you, hopefully better days will come.
Quote from: Sir Kyle on August 14, 2009, 04:36:23 PM
You actually are a pretty girl. You look happy. Never let anyone bring you down
Inphyy, I have to second Kyle here, you are very beautiful, in all of those photos. Had I seen your photo out of the blue, I would've guessed that you were a gg (genetic girl)! Don't ever let anyone, even family, tell you otherwise or bring you down. If this is what you want for your own happiness and sanity, then fight for it.
I don't know what your financial situation is, but being a minor you probably have very few options. I understand you're scared, trust me. When I was your age I wasn't as brave as you are, I hid my true self until college, and then I blossomed (I'm 26 now). Your mother and her boyfriend are obviously having a hard time dealing with this situation, and while they could be handling it better (they sound pretty hot headed to me), they are just reacting because gender transition (or gender issues in general) are not understood by most people. So they react negatively towards anything that is perceived as different from the norm. Try not to take it personally.
If you have a friend, or other relative, who is ok with your gender issues (or at least not as hostile to them as your mother/her boyfriend), then see if you can go live with them (long-term, or until things cool down at home). You may only be a minor, but you do have rights as a human being, and living in a hostile environment isn't healthy, for you or anyone. Make sure you are safe, while there are kind people in this world, it is dangerous at times. Please, take care of yourself first.
And Welcome to Susan's, this is a safe place so if you need us, we are here. :icon_hug:
As you are online, check the website for WestCare in Fresno. Also the UCSF has a program for TS teens.
Foster care is not likely to take you just because your mom doesn't want you.
The state was overburdened before the financial issues, they don't need more kids.
They will however tell her to keep her boyfriend away from you. (I'm surprised no one has really dealt with this yet)
You may be able to file a restraining order on your own against him.
Talk to a school counselor, they can probably help you much more than we can. This should be your first place to go for help.
By the way, your moms fears, as mentioned are well founded.
To hell with your mom and that scumbag. That guy is never going to amount to anything, so just remember exactly HOW much of a loser he will ALWAYS be. Give up on caring about them until you have the LUXURY and time to bother with them; They will only drag you into their pit... And start carrying a taser. And screw Texas for good measure.... Really hard.
I know that its hard, and that was totally wrong and I can understand why you're so freaked out. Just try your best to get a scholarship to some college and get the hell out of there immediately.
foster care isn't necessarly a bad thing. It can get you out of a bad situation and get you a therapist as well as time for mom to cool off a bit.
Inphyy,
Welcome to Susan's!
You are an amazingly pretty girl. You know who you are. Don't let anyone tell you differently.
Your mom's boyfriend has no parental rights there and does not even have the right to be in the home being abusive to anyone. Do not assume the cops will be against you because you are trans. You are not breaking any laws.
As hard as it is to believe, the fact that your mom is open to letting you dress and wear makeup is amazingly better than in some houses. I know you don't feel good about your home right now, but hang on. You have no idea how rough it can be out on your own. There are some good resources in your area and before you know it you will be 18. Susan's is a great place for when you need to blow off steam. We have developed pretty thick hides. So keep us in the loop, and trust me, you WILL get through this.
Hugs,
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi
Quote from: Kristi on August 14, 2009, 11:50:24 PM
Inphyy,
Welcome to Susan's!
You are an amazingly pretty girl. You know who you are. Don't let anyone tell you differently.
Your mom's boyfriend has no parental rights there and does not even have the right to be in the home being abusive to anyone. Do not assume the cops will be against you because you are trans. You are not breaking any laws.
As hard as it is to believe, the fact that your mom is open to letting you dress and wear makeup is amazingly better than in some houses. I know you don't feel good about your home right now, but hang on. You have no idea how rough it can be out on your own. There are some good resources in your area and before you know it you will be 18. Susan's is a great place for when you need to blow off steam. We have developed pretty thick hides. So keep us in the loop, and trust me, you WILL get through this.
Hugs,
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi
Right now my mom is so mad that she has abandoned me and my sister Corie (FtM) at home alone...I guess it's a good thing but when there's nothing to eat and it's to quiet--Things can get a little weird---But I think she is coming home on Sunday.
Quote from: Inphyy on August 15, 2009, 03:26:56 AM
Right now my mom is so mad that she has abandoned me and my sister Corie (FtM) at home alone...I guess it's a good thing but when there's nothing to eat and it's to quiet--Things can get a little weird---But I think she is coming home on Sunday.
Home it is going to be better soon, maybe give it sometime to calm down. There must be a youth LGBT center or resources not far from where you live. Give them a quick call explaining what happened and asking for help/advise.
please keep us updated.
Quote from: yabby on August 15, 2009, 03:21:41 PM
Home it is going to be better soon, maybe give it sometime to calm down. There must be a youth LGBT center or resources not far from where you live. Give them a quick call explaining what happened and asking for help/advise.
please keep us updated.
I live near the L.A.. LGBTQI Center, which I looked up on-line for their number, in-case she really does kick me out, I might be able to find some shelter...I just don't get why people have to be so hostile to those, who only just want acceptance.
Quote from: Inphyy on August 15, 2009, 03:38:19 PM
I live near the L.A.. LGBTQI Center, which I looked up on-line for their number, in-case she really does kick me out, I might be able to find some shelter...I just don't get why people have to be so hostile to those, who only just want acceptance.
i would advise not to wait until you are kicked out to give them a call. It is always better to plan in advance than last minute.
Quote from: yabby on August 15, 2009, 04:08:29 PM
i would advise not to wait until you are kicked out to give them a call. It is always better to plan in advance than last minute.
Well people do say things they don't mean when they are mad and when she comes back home, she might say sorry and didn't mean it. If I call them and make arrangements and it ended up I really didn't...It would mess things up.
Quote from: Inphyy on August 15, 2009, 04:11:24 PM
Well people do say things they don't mean when they are mad and when she comes back home, she might say sorry and didn't mean it. If I call them and make arrangements and it ended up I really didn't...It would mess things up.
You have a valid point here. but i did not mean call them and prepare your luggage and then 5min later leave. If you feel you need to speak with someone it might help even if they don't know who you are and where you live.
Anyway true that people when angry say things they don't think it. i hope with time it gets better. Just keep us updated how it is going. OK?
I keep this ninja bunny with you in case the boyfriend come back (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sluniverse.com%2Fsnapshots%2F24116.jpg&hash=9a120b5dbd2deb0a111fbe476c28d38ecdc0ad25)
Oh, so many points here...
1. you are a very lovely girl. You are many steps ahead of many of us physically in that regard so count your blessings
2. Not to be critical but wearing THAT dress to school (unless it was some special dress up day) is begging for trouble, both at school and at home. Being who you are doesn't mean rubbing people's noses in it and being "loud" about it. If your mom has been as tolerant up to now as you describe, you have been BLESSED. it makes no sense to push for even more when so many of your sisters don't have so much as a sneaky pair of panties.
3. If she wants you to have counseling, even if she won't go herself, start with that - she may be open to it later. it sounds like a lot of her problem is listening to a bad influence (i.e. the boyfriend)
4. The school counselor advice is sound
5. See this page for a list of resources - I'm sure there are other pages out there:
http://www.transyouth.com/PAGE_11_Organizations_and_Shelters.html (http://www.transyouth.com/PAGE_11_Organizations_and_Shelters.html)
Scroll down to the list for California and particularly the sub-list for LA
6. Do not let the threatened assault go unreported. it needs to be on record somewhere just in case things do escalate.
7. What about your sister? Is mom threatening to abandon her as well?
8. On a personal level, it's a very tricky thing for children to be pitted against a boyfriend. MOST mothers would kick the bf to the curb in such a conflict but when they don't, that sets up a situation in which you have to walk a fine line between appealing to her motherly instincts and seeming to be plotting against the bf. there might not be a "win" in this situation. So it's up to you and sis to look into resources and advocates who can come to your aid.
Your Mom could lose you both if you are under 18, i think. Most states have law about what the age is that you can be left alone without a parent or guardian.
Janet
Quote from: Janet Lynn on August 15, 2009, 07:30:13 PM
Your Mom could lose you both if you are under 18, i think. Most states have law about what the age is that you can be left alone without a parent or guardian.
Janet
But if she legally sends me to a group home or sends me to foster care or even Jev...Then she wouldn't be in trouble.
Quote from: Inphyy on August 15, 2009, 08:53:07 PM
But if she legally sends me to a group home or sends me to foster care or even Jev...Then she wouldn't be in trouble.
Maybe foster care or a group home, but I don't see how she could send you to Juvenile. You haven't done anything illegal.
Quote from: Fae on August 15, 2009, 09:11:43 PM
Maybe foster care or a group home, but I don't see how she could send you to Juvenile. You haven't done anything illegal.
She says that I don't listen to her and that i'm a bad child...She says i'm not normal and that if I don't straighten up and fly right, she might send me to Jev for being bad.
Sounds like a pretty empty threat to me. She is the one being bad by leaving you alone with no food. I don't think parents can do that anyway, at least in my state it takes a court to put you there. Group homes cost money. I doubt she is willing to spend it if she will not even put out for food.
Oh, and normal is overrated. Don't even bother trying it. :)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi
Quote from: Kristi on August 15, 2009, 09:26:17 PM
Sounds like a pretty empty threat to me. She is the one being bad by leaving you alone with no food. I don't think parents can do that anyway, at least in my state it takes a court to put you there. Group homes cost money. I doubt she is willing to spend it if she will not even put out for food.
Oh, and normal is overrated. Don't even bother trying it. :)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi
Your funny thanks for the the little smile! :]
I don't know what is going to happen on Sunday though, Monday is back-to-school and I didn't go on Friday cause she wouldn't let me because I wanted to wear a dress. So I don't know if she is even going to take me to school anymore or if I am going to have to drop-out! :\
Ohhh Sweetheart!!
I cried and cried when I read your topic. I know that I am late in my reply, but hon, I am worried about you and your brother. Dearest, first off, you pass very well! I think that your future is going to be OK (I hope the same for Corrie!). Sweetie, please slow down and keep things simple. I know that being who you are is very important!! I do not know about your high school, but I hope that they are TG aware and sensitive, and will work with you and keep you and your brother safe. If they are not, then sweetheart take care!!! I urge you to wait until you can be safe to be yourself!!! This is no joke!!! Your family clearly does not support you. I am not sure if other people in your life support you at this time. This is perilous!!!
Be smart, Be safe, Be careful!!!
If it helps, your mother should read this...
http://wpath.org/Documents2/socv6.pdf (http://wpath.org/Documents2/socv6.pdf)
Love you hon
Brenda
It might be a good idea not to wear that dress. Why not just tone things down a bit, still be as femme as you can without making waves, and bide your time for a bit? Maybe that was what set her off?
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi
Quote from: bernii on August 15, 2009, 09:36:07 PM
Ohhh Sweetheart!!
I cried and cried when I read your topic. I know that I am late in my reply, but hon, I am worried about you and your brother. Dearest, first off, you pass very well! I think that your future is going to be OK (I hope the same for Corrie!). Sweetie, please slow down and keep things simple. I know that being who you are is very important!! I do not know about your high school, but I hope that they are TG aware and sensitive, and will work with you and keep you and your brother safe. If they are not, then sweetheart take care!!! I urge you to wait until you can be safe to be yourself!!! This is no joke!!! Your family clearly does not support you. I am not sure if other people in your life support you at this time. This is perilous!!!
Be smart, Be safe, Be careful!!!
If it helps, your mother should read this...
http://wpath.org/Documents2/socv6.pdf (http://wpath.org/Documents2/socv6.pdf)
Love you hon
Brenda
Thanks for the help! I'm sending her that file as a e-mail, but she might just delete it and it is pretty big so let's hope my lucky stars that she will read it!
Post Merge: August 15, 2009, 09:47:06 PM
Quote from: Kristi on August 15, 2009, 09:37:40 PM
It might be a good idea not to wear that dress. Why not just tone things down a bit, still be as femme as you can without making waves, and bide your time for a bit? Maybe that was what set her off?
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi
Well I just wanted to wear a dress...I just don't get how an
article of clothing could make someone go in a rage! Plus Scottish people
(both men and women wear skirts or kilts.)
Inphyy,
If being thrown out is a real concern for you, which it sounds like it is, I'd contact Children's Hospital Transyouth clinic and explain your situation. The thing about most lgbt-youth shelters is that they are funded by HIV prevention funding from the State. Budget cuts are coming down hard by the end of the year. You waiting until you get thrown out to gather information would probably be a bad idea since places that might be able to house you will probably be cutting numbers of intakes by the end of the year.
My suggestion would be to do what you have to survive at home for the time being. Trust me, it's a bad, bad time to be a homeless trans-youth. Ontario, Chino, Riverside, very bad. LA, not much better. You are needing to be who you are but having food, clothing and shelter when you are <18 trumps that. Living on the streets might seem like a better alternative than the mess you are in now. It isn't, it really isn't. There's some good advice from people in here, in this thread Inphyy. Be well, Meghan
Quote from: MeghanAndrews on August 15, 2009, 11:11:49 PM
Inphyy,
If being thrown out is a real concern for you, which it sounds like it is, I'd contact Children's Hospital Transyouth clinic and explain your situation. The thing about most lgbt-youth shelters is that they are funded by HIV prevention funding from the State. Budget cuts are coming down hard by the end of the year. You waiting until you get thrown out to gather information would probably be a bad idea since places that might be able to house you will probably be cutting numbers of intakes by the end of the year.
My suggestion would be to do what you have to survive at home for the time being. Trust me, it's a bad, bad time to be a homeless trans-youth. Ontario, Chino, Riverside, very bad. LA, not much better. You are needing to be who you are but having food, clothing and shelter when you are <18 trumps that. Living on the streets might seem like a better alternative than the mess you are in now. It isn't, it really isn't. There's some good advice from people in here, in this thread Inphyy. Be well, Meghan
Thanks for the help! The recession is hitting hard on everyone so it makes people truly in need not get the help they need...That's sad. =[
Do your best to get through what you have to. The rather bleak statistics are that people who hits the streets before they graduate HS and while they are still under 18 rarely find a way off of them.
Quote from: tekla on August 16, 2009, 12:35:56 AM
Do your best to get through what you have to. The rather bleak statistics are that people who hits the streets before they graduate HS and while they are still under 18 rarely find a way off of them.
That stat really scares me, but I don't want to just pass High School, I want to go to College... :angel:
Cause I know with the money issue, a College degree helps with a better job, which means better money.
If you do college right it means a better life, money not withstanding. Money helps, but other things in the end are more important, and a good education helps you figure that out.
Quote from: tekla on August 16, 2009, 12:57:51 AM
If you do college right it means a better life, money not withstanding. Money helps, but other things in the end are more important, and a good education helps you figure that out.
The only problem I have is that last year in my Sophomore year, I became really depressed and at the start of the year, I had really good grades but they sank at the end -- Dramasticly, so i'm hoping to do better now in my Junior year! =]
And...For College, I'm hoping I can find a trangendered friendly one! =_=
There are a lot of liberal arts schools that are pretty open, most colleges have gender neutral policies anymore, and most people in college don't care. But grades do matter a whole bunch in terms of what college you can get into, and how easy the money is when you get there.
Quote from: tekla on August 16, 2009, 01:05:48 AM
There are a lot of liberal arts schools that are pretty open, most colleges have gender neutral policies anymore, and most people in college don't care. But grades do matter a whole bunch in terms of what college you can get into, and how easy the money is when you get there.
Thank you for that piece of information! It makes me feel wayyyy better! :)
Now the only question I have left (for myself), Is what College to go to! LOL! xD
Don't worry about that till your senior year, your grades will have a lot to do with it. For example, UC Berkeley is very open, very liberal, but if your not in the top 1% of your graduating class, your not getting near it - and even then... But CSU San Francisco is somewhat less selective. And you pick a college depending on your major. Berkeley is great in some fields, a useless waste of time in other ones. So it depends on what you want to study in the first place.
Quote from: tekla on August 16, 2009, 01:10:45 AM
Don't worry about that till your senior year, your grades will have a lot to do with it. For example, UC Berkeley is very open, very liberal, but if your not in the top 1% of your graduating class, your not getting near it - and even then... But CSU San Francisco is somewhat less selective. And you pick a college depending on your major. Berkeley is great in some fields, a useless waste of time in other ones. So it depends on what you want to study in the first place.
Photo Art and Photo-Journalism and maybe even just photography! =^_^=
Then you might as well go to the Academy of Art in SF, they have excellent programs in those areas.
http://www.academyart.edu/ (http://www.academyart.edu/)
Quote from: tekla on August 16, 2009, 01:15:21 AM
Then you might as well go to the Academy of Art in SF, they have excellent programs in those areas.
http://www.academyart.edu/ (http://www.academyart.edu/)
Once again thank you! ~_~
That's why I love this community so much, they open everyone in open arms, I'm glad that Susan's is so kind to people--And I am also glad that I have had advice from so many friendly people here! :D
Well I know people who have gone there and were pretty happy, and I took a class there a few years ago that helped me. And its in SF, and it does not get more open to TG than that, and its in Cali, so that's easier than my alma mater, which has a very good program in photo stuff, but its a private 4 year deal, in the Midwest, so its far away, and rather expensive.
Quote from: tekla on August 16, 2009, 01:22:26 AM
Well I know people who have gone there and were pretty happy, and I took a class there a few years ago that helped me. And its in SF, and it does not get more open to TG than that, and its in Cali, so that's easier than my alma mater, which has a very good program in photo stuff, but its a private 4 year deal, in the Midwest, so its far away, and rather expensive.
Ouch! I heard the further south and the further east you go in the world, the more gay and transphobic the people are! I even heard in certain places if your openly gay or transgendered, you will be killed by everyone in that country! >:|
Don't believe everything you hear, the Florida Keys, which are about as East and South as you can get are pretty open. NYC is wide open, if you can make it there. Urban tends to be better than rural, and part of the Bible Belt are not exactly accepting. But a lot of that depends on you. You'll meet people here from just about everywhere.
You're also not too far from one of the top two photography schools in the world (okay, I'm not exactly sure of the stats, but my opinion) Brooks Institute. I believe they are in Santa Cruz. (okay, so not too far in comparison to living in like Atlanta where I am its right next door).
I used to be a commercial photog and had at one point looked into Brooks (decades ago). Also The Art Institutes offer a very respectable photography program (I graduated from there with BFA in Graphic Design and have several friends with photog degrees). These won't be a cheap as many in state schools, but aid is often available and it is typically a lot easier to be accepted.
Keep the grades up though, not many things more important than that - well your health and safety stand far above grades.
Deanna
Quote from: Deanna_Renee on August 16, 2009, 01:29:24 AM
You're also not too far from one of the top two photography schools in the world (okay, I'm not exactly sure of the stats, but my opinion) Brooks Institute. I believe they are in Santa Cruz. (okay, so not too far in comparison to living in like Atlanta where I am its right next door).
I used to be a commercial photog and had at one point looked into Brooks (decades ago). Also The Art Institutes offer a very respectable photography program (I graduated from there with BFA in Graphic Design and have several friends with photog degrees). These won't be a cheap as many in state schools, but aid is often available and it is typically a lot easier to be accepted.
Keep the grades up though, not many things more important than that - well your health and safety stand far above grades.
Deanna
Thanks I will look into that! :]
And I hope by the time that I gradute High School and become 18 that enough time would pass for my mom to be fully-accepting then maybe I can also get some support from her! ^_^
I hope for the fully-accepting, but take what steps you can and remember that she will never really comprehend what you feel everyday and thank her for each step she gets closer to understanding. A little compromise - especially with mothers - goes a long way.
Deanna
Quote from: Deanna_Renee on August 16, 2009, 01:38:21 AM
I hope for the fully-accepting, but take what steps you can and remember that she will never really comprehend what you feel everyday and thank her for each step she gets closer to understanding. A little compromise - especially with mothers - goes a long way.
Deanna
I guess I should work on my mom for acceptance first then, since she'll always be a big part of my life! I have no dad so I won't have to worry about that...I guess just her and a few other family members; But the tough cookie is going to be my mom's dad, Larry. He is getting really old so when I say this,
don't take it in a mean way, but likely the only way he'll accept me is when he is gone. He is a typical red-neck and hates anyone who doesn't fit under any of the norm. So likely even though it's sad to say, his death is likely the only way of acceptance.
Quote from: Inphyy on August 15, 2009, 09:22:20 PM
She says that I don't listen to her and that i'm a bad child...She says i'm not normal and that if I don't straighten up and fly right, she might send me to Jev for being bad.
if she call the police and say: i want to drop my girl at a jev because she did not listen to me. i think the police might have a very very good laugh at her.
i hope that by straighten up she does not mean living as a man. but at your age i'll be more worried about getting hormones or t-blocker than being allowed to go to school wearing a green dress or not. you have an interest to get on hormone as soon as possible before T start destroying you and you start growing facial hair..........
Post Merge: August 16, 2009, 02:48:48 AM
Quote from: Inphyy on August 15, 2009, 09:43:48 PM
Well I just wanted to wear a dress...I just don't get how an article of clothing could make someone go in a rage! Plus Scottish people (both men and women wear skirts or kilts.)
the thing is even genetic girls might not wear this to go to school as it look more like an evening dress. girls tend to wear different cloth depending on the time of the day if it is day or the evening. your priority should be to get hormones instead of worrying about the dress it is only 2 years and then you can do what ever you want.
Quote from: yabby on August 16, 2009, 03:39:21 AM
the thing is even genetic girls might not wear this to go to school as it look more like an evening dress. girls don't tend to wear different cloth depending on the time of the day if it is day or the evening. your priority should be to get hormones instead of worrying about the dress it is only 2 years and then you can do what ever you want.
Yeah, that is what I was trying to say. A dress is fine, just maybe not
that dress. Or why not a skirt, or girly jeans with a nice top, or capris or walking shorts or whatever else is fine with your school's dress code? Do you have access to different clothes? Honey, how can we help?
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi
Chino is a really tough area for expressing gender, isn't it Inphyy? The whole IE is I think, not 100% sure. I lived in Riverside for a few months last year and it was definitely a lot less "free" than LA. Just be careful with expressing yourself, as hard as it is to do that, and be careful, for the sake of you ;) Meghan
Quote from: Kristi on August 16, 2009, 08:01:35 AM
Yeah, that is what I was trying to say. A dress is fine, just maybe not that dress. Or why not a skirt, or girly jeans with a nice top, or capris or walking shorts or whatever else is fine with your school's dress code? Do you have access to different clothes? Honey, how can we help?
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi
I do have different clothes and I was wearing different kinds of skinny-jeans and such throughout the week but since Friday was the last day of the week...I wanted to do something fun, like-able to me and creative. But my mom didn't take it that way and snapped (But I think she also has something else going on in her life), that she doesn't want to talk about...A simple dress wouldn't blow someone into complete rage.
It was probably the straw the broke the camel's back... I'm pre-T (FtM) and not even exactly totally "out" with my mother but she's been suspecting that I want a sex change, so when she asked what haircut I was looking for and I showed her a picture (and I'd say it's more androgynous) she went into a rage.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fv617%2Fhilby%2F2009haircuts4.jpg&hash=5078bbc65fc62540464f144b0662d167cdfbd16a) It's not that manly, right? It's scary how she reacted though. But it was mostly because she was worried about me, and it was pretty complicated... it's got to be hard (and really brave) of you to come out this early in your life, I wish I had instead of trying to conform. But yeah, the best thing you can worry about now is getting the hormones and therapy... also, you're a really pretty girl.
Quote from: Inphyy on August 16, 2009, 12:01:37 PM
I do have different clothes and I was wearing different kinds of skinny-jeans and such throughout the week but since Friday was the last day of the week...I wanted to do something fun, like-able to me and creative. But my mom didn't take it that way and snapped (But I think she also has something else going on in her life), that she doesn't want to talk about...A simple dress wouldn't blow someone into complete rage.
i would say take it easy and one step at the time, if you have those different cloth you are kind of lucky. most of TG people have cloth they hide under the bed and will dress in secret.
Quote from: yabby on August 16, 2009, 12:17:22 PM
i would say take it easy and one step at the time, if you have those different cloth you are kind of lucky. most of TG people have cloth they hide under the bed and will dress in secret.
The thing with my mom is, Is with me wearing make-up, girly clothes, etc. -- She takes it as a phase or that I like the rocker style with the dark make-up but when it comes to point-blank total girly looks; She gets mad...
Quote from: Inphyy on August 16, 2009, 12:32:00 PM
The thing with my mom is, Is with me wearing make-up, girly clothes, etc. -- She takes it as a phase or that I like the rocker style with the dark make-up but when it comes to point-blank total girly looks; She gets mad...
Then take the 'rocker style' and run with it. If you can express yourself without going overboard and making her flip out, then do that. It's certainly a lot more than some people have. :) My mother used to flip her ->-bleeped-<- on me sometimes when I'd wear baggy men's pants instead of form-fitting feminine ones.
Quote from: CodyJess on August 16, 2009, 03:30:25 PM
Then take the 'rocker style' and run with it. If you can express yourself without going overboard and making her flip out, then do that. It's certainly a lot more than some people have. :) My mother used to flip her ->-bleeped-<- on me sometimes when I'd wear baggy men's pants instead of form-fitting feminine ones.
Sometimes I wear boy clothes, just to be a tom-boy! Aha...The irony of being transgendered MtF but also being sort-of a tom-boy! But for me I am Transgendered but most of my looks would fit into Rocker/Androgyne, I like unique styles and clothing that both men and women wouldn't typically wear.
Quote from: Inphyy on August 16, 2009, 01:12:57 AM
Photo Art and Photo-Journalism and maybe even just photography! =^_^=
Art school/ Big art departments in a school are a good sign for you. I'm not saying art school kids are necessarily not totally sometimes shallow whores, but they tend to be wackier, and less hostile. But you really NEED to make sure you keep your grades up, and keep making art of any kind you can. Its always a start and your portfolio isn't just something that gets accumulated in a year. They all have different philosophies on what matters more with admissions... Very often ridiculous and backwards but sometimes it makes more sense with that.
But you must remember... You need a fallback school. Actually make a list of possible schools too... I remember I was accepted into most of them, but didn't get the scholarship and one flat out rejected me. You never know what an admissions dept will be like... Old, judgmental, close minded and not even artists themselves! Or people less fascist about a talent in observational/life drawing and stuff. They all have different preferences, and you need to also know that admissions depts. Don't always reflect the true nature of the school. You need to talk to students to get that in your mind... And teachers and ask them about their approach. For photography it may be different, but some schools demand variety, some potential and a sense of design, some want you to draw the Freaking fruit like a fruit. Some like a mix of different mediums. It depends.
I'm not saying WORRY about it right now, but you should definitely gain momentum to smash through into college. If you lose the momentum you have with your dreams right now, its very hard to spin it back again. Not impossible, but hard.
My goodness I'm tired.
Quote from: yabby on August 16, 2009, 12:17:22 PM
i would say take it easy and one step at the time, if you have those different cloth you are kind of lucky. most of TG people have cloth they hide under the bed and will dress in secret.
And this is true in some ways. You're also gutsy to dress that way around your mom or a big scary testicles man like that. I'm still freaking terrified of dressing femininely near her... Or my brother... Or acting like it at all (Let alone being near a terrifying violent vibe-giver like that...) My persona just kind of... Retreats generally.
I think I used to cover up my chest every time I was in this house... Not doing that anymore, but you definitely have more guts than most (and me) and you look passable.
Also try to check out how many of their graduates are doing something in art vs. working at Starbucks. Not all schools are equal in their placement, or their products.
I'm head-strong and I have courage! Just sad now though, she's trying to get me in trouble and like I said, she's taking the internet and the Socal Security people are coming out soon to check out the house, she's calling all her friends and making lies about me, to get them on her side.
Quote from: tekla on August 17, 2009, 12:12:19 PM
Also try to check out how many of their graduates are doing something in art vs. working at Starbucks. Not all schools are equal in their placement, or their products.
True. A places reputation does a lot... Even if their teachers were velociraptors and John Malcovich was their graduate D:
Also if their credits can be transferred, cause some places don't even recognize each other. Its nutty. You'll soon realize what a shark pit college applications are, and that thinking about it all early was a better idea. Not worrying but planning. Plan but never expect one plan to work out. Think of it as writing for television shows... Only less degrading over time :P
I often refer to Richmond Virginia as "The Land That Time Forgot " . While we do enjoy holding onto our traditions here , we still have somehow allowed NEW things to appear. Also Richmond enjoys a very lagge abiet " Closeted " transgendered population . I know who ya are as I deliver to Wal - Mart and I shop Good Will too much. Granted , we're a stop on Interstate -95 on the way to New YAK or LANDO . Still we have Virginia Commonwealth University and Medical College of Virginia or a part of V C U Medical. We have within the acidemic campus a business school fully acredited , an engineering school and a very prestigious arts and design school as well. Meanwhile if you wish to study medicine , go over to V C U Medical ! You're liable to see me at the hospital even .
Meanwhile , you're two hours from the beach, two hours from Washington D C and mabye an hour and a half from the mountians and the Red Necks . Well we got them here too but in so far as some , they're pretty tame .
I once studied printmaking and Photography years ago at V C U , their professors are well of the moderate Gay and Trans population here , try us out ! Ellen Shaver
The school toke my mom's said, they say if I wear a dress tomorrow I can get in trouble for breaking school violations...Wearing a dress isn't breaking school violations, If so half the girls would be in trouble then! Does anyone know any Transgendered Rights people I can call about this?
Quote from: Inphyy on August 17, 2009, 02:28:39 PM
The school toke my mom's said, they say if I wear a dress tomorrow I can get in trouble for breaking school violations...
did the school say this to you face 2 face on the phone or is it what your mother told you they said?
if you can go there wearing make up and girly jeans then do it.
Quote from: yabby on August 17, 2009, 02:42:37 PM
did the school say this to you face 2 face on the phone or is it what your mother told you they said?
if you can go there wearing make up and girly jeans then do it.
On the phone with my mom, I just find this:
Porblem 6: Often students are required to wear clothing that is inconsistent with their gender identity. For instance, Pat Doe, a male to female transgender student was told that she could not wear girl's clothes. Every single day, first thing in the morning, she had to go to the principal's office, where the principal would look at her and decide if she was dressed enough like a boy. This student brought a suit against the school, a suit which she won.
School District can enforce reasonable student dress codes for the purposes of maintaining a safe and orderly school environment, and ensuring that the school can fulfill its educational mission. However, All School District employees must respect the right of a student to dress in accordance with the student's gender identity. Further, students should not have to chose between male and female clothing. Some students are most comfortable in and most themselves in clothing that is not clearly male or female or a combination of the two.
Link: http://www.transgenderlaw.org/resources/tlcschools.htm (http://www.transgenderlaw.org/resources/tlcschools.htm)
Quote from: Inphyy on August 17, 2009, 02:48:02 PM
On the phone with my mom
they might also told her that a green and yellow monster with bunny teeth tiger ears and elephants feet will eat you if you went to school wearing a dress.
I'll suggest you find out by yourself and see if school make you any remark about this. now i repeat again and again worry more about t-blocker or hormone even if you need to make the compromise of not wearing the dress. Once the poison called testosterone make you more masculine or grow a beard i am not you'll feel like wearing a dress.
Quote from: Inphyy on August 17, 2009, 02:28:39 PM
The school toke my mom's said, they say if I wear a dress tomorrow I can get in trouble for breaking school violations...Wearing a dress isn't breaking school violations, If so half the girls would be in trouble then! Does anyone know any Transgendered Rights people I can call about this?
Bastards... *hug* .
Unrelated but I thought I'd say:
Just remember you're going to be more successful and bigger than them when you overcome them. See them? Use them as an example to completely stray away from and be nothing like. Painful, yes, but at least you know what NOT to be, ever. You need to remember that, hopefully one day, you'll take pride in the fact that you thought about 100 years ahead of those people... And that a lot of people who later think further ahead will be almost poseurs.
Quote from: Kara-Xen on August 17, 2009, 02:57:03 PM
Bastards... *hug* .
Unrelated but I thought I'd say:
Just remember you're going to be more successful and bigger than them when you overcome them. See them? Use them as an example to completely stray away from and be nothing like. Painful, yes, but at least you know what NOT to be, ever. You need to remember that, hopefully one day, you'll take pride in the fact that you thought about 100 years ahead of those people... And that a lot of people who later think further ahead will be almost poseurs.
I called the Transgendered Law Center and talked to one of them and left a message. Like I said above...There is laws against people who force students to wear certain clothes.
You might want to check this out
http://books.google.com/books?id=FKmVUwbUlGgC&pg=PA166&lpg=PA166&dq=lgbt+high+school+los+angeles&source=bl&ots=a1R3spbcxL&sig=Xp-APCJ5lmLEqlK_G6gaxkS9ewo&hl=en&ei=xraJSseVFoGqswPx_szjAg&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=8#v=onepage&q=&f=false (http://books.google.com/books?id=FKmVUwbUlGgC&pg=PA166&lpg=PA166&dq=lgbt+high+school+los+angeles&source=bl&ots=a1R3spbcxL&sig=Xp-APCJ5lmLEqlK_G6gaxkS9ewo&hl=en&ei=xraJSseVFoGqswPx_szjAg&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=8#v=onepage&q=&f=false)
LA operates a LGBT academy out of Centeral HS, perhaps you could go there.
Quote from: Inphyy on August 17, 2009, 02:58:28 PM
I called the Transgendered Law Center and talked to one of them and left a message. Like I said above...There is laws against people who force students to wear certain clothes.
To be honest I'm amazed those even exist. REALLY? Wow. I'm not being sarcastic, I just took laws to be far stupider than that. Be careful and be wise. There are always amendments and loopholes specifically designed to screw you. Booby traps...
California has some pretty liberal laws, getting them enforced locally however is a different deal sometimes.
Quote from: tekla on August 17, 2009, 03:06:08 PM
California has some pretty liberal laws, getting them enforced locally however is a different deal sometimes.
What with local and federal government both contradicting and claiming to have jurisdiction and authority... Suck a BAD set up. Like the DEA coming in going, "LOL NO WEED FOR YOU!! WE'RE HERE TO BE JERKS!!!" And the Depository going, "WTF mang?!"
Quote from: Kara-Xen on August 17, 2009, 03:08:16 PM
What with local and federal government both contradicting and claiming to have jurisdiction and authority... Suck a BAD set up. Like the DEA coming in going, "LOL NO WEED FOR YOU!! WE'RE HERE TO BE JERKS!!!" And the Depository going, "WTF mang?!"
By the current laws, Gay and Lesbian people have less rights (Though it's sad!), Transgendered people have more rights and in California, they are wishy-washy but when you deny someone their rights, California get's mad.
Quote from: Inphyy on August 17, 2009, 03:12:44 PM
By the current laws, Gay and Lesbian people have less rights (Though it's sad!), Transgendered people have more rights and in California, they are wishy-washy but when you deny someone their rights, California get's mad.
California should just be two states... The gated, stupid cracker communities, and the more FUN ones.
Well... Maybe that would be bad... But sometimes I wish things, though unproductive. T____T
Though there are some areas of the Greater LA region that have some gated communities, they remain more of an East Coast deal, largely due to fire and police regulations.
It's sad that I have to get a law center onto my school, for saying someone will get in trouble for wearing a dress at school.
Quote from: tekla on August 17, 2009, 03:19:03 PM
Though there are some areas of the Greater LA region that have some gated communities, they remain more of an East Coast deal, largely due to fire and police regulations.
It would be a terrible tragedy if those plastic fences oozed and melted all over the ground... Wouldn't it? Or is there some law loophole that makes arson by electromagnetic beam not illegal D: ? Like getting a metallic meteor and just michael bay style crashing it all over the place?
Sorry... Imagination getting the best of me.
Well the rather unique ruling in Cali is that gated communities are not longer public, and public services, like police, fire and sewers can charge a premium for giving such services. That has slowed the development of such places, which was kind of a 90s deal to begin with.
I hope they return the message by tomorrow...Cause what am I going to do if they don't call back and I have to go to school?! ~_~
If I go to school in a dress I am "violating" a rule...Even though girls wear dresses; They might punish me. But I guess if they do--That's more proof when I sue their butt! Or at-least get a written law from a judge or someone in the law, that way they can't violate my right to wear what I want.
It's very, very, very, very hard - almost impossible - for a minor to sue a school district if their parents are not on board.
Quote from: tekla on August 17, 2009, 03:39:43 PM
It's very, very, very, very hard - almost impossible - for a minor to sue a school district if their parents are not on board.
What do you mean?
I mean, except in very rare circumstances, a minor by themselves can not sue in a court of law - their parent(s) have to sue in their name for them. Moreover, public officials, and school people are just that, are typically exempt (again, except in very rare circumstances) from being sued for doing their job.
Quote from: tekla on August 17, 2009, 03:45:00 PM
I mean, except in very rare circumstances, a minor by themselves can not sue in a court of law - their parent(s) have to sue in their name for them. Moreover, public officials, and school people are just that, are typically exempt (again, except in very rare circumstances) from being sued for doing their job.
But if they violate the laws and break someones basic rights...Then you have a problem? And in-case of this; Since my mom is trying to get help from them--The court, I hope will understand and let me fight on my own.
Quote from: Inphyy on August 17, 2009, 12:36:57 PM
the Social Security people are coming out soon to check out the house
Umm, ok, may I ask why this concerns you? Social Security can't do anything to hurt you.
As for your mom getting people on her "side," don't worry about that. Hold yourself above that, because her doing that, speaks more to the kind of person she is, than you are. I mean, seriously, your her child, her blood, there shouldn't even be ANY sides. I'm sorry she is doing that to you hun, but you can be stronger, so don't let it get to you.
If anyone says anything bad to you, just keep your head high, and stay calm. Reply to their hostility in a regular, respectful manner. Be a lady. When people act angrily towards us, they want us to respond in kind, so we look like monsters. But if you're kind and respectful in return to them, they end up looking like crazy wacko's, and the attention on you is thereby removed.
Quote from: Inphyy on August 17, 2009, 03:23:11 PM
It's sad that I have to get a law center onto my school, for saying someone will get in trouble for wearing a dress at school.
I will say my opinion in a moment, but I will echo Yabby's advice first: Start HRT under the supervision of a medical professional, although this could be difficult, if not impossible, because the laws in your area may state that you need parental permission to start hormones (since you're a minor). I don't know if your mom would sign off on that, but either way, the sooner you start, the better. Hormones should be your first concern, rather than dressing in the right clothes (although I understand that part, trust me). Testosterone "poisoning" of your body is horrible, it make your body masculine, and the psychological effects of that are very damaging. Not sure if you're already feeling/noticing the effects of that (facial hair, libido, etc.), but the sooner you get on anti-androgens and estrogen, the better you'll feel.
Now, yes, it is sad that your school is acting that way. I feel, that as long as you're not parading around the halls naked, or otherwise acting in a disrupting behavior, it shouldn't be a problem at all. Unless they have provisions for students to wear uniforms, then wear whatever you want, as long as it's appropriate and tasteful. Clothing is not gendered male or female, it's just made differently. As long as you're not dressed provocatively, then the school can just STFU.
Quote from: Fae on August 17, 2009, 03:54:31 PM
Umm, ok, may I ask why this concerns you? Social Security can't do anything to hurt you.
As for your mom getting people on her "side," don't worry about that. Hold yourself above that, because her doing that, speaks more to the kind of person she is, than you are. I mean, seriously, your her child, her blood, there shouldn't even be ANY sides. I'm sorry she is doing that to you hun, but you can be stronger, so don't let it get to you.
If anyone says anything bad to you, just keep your head high, and stay calm. Reply to their hostility in a regular, respectful manner. Be a lady. When people act angrily towards us, they want us to respond in kind, so we look like monsters. But if you're kind and respectful in return to them, they end up looking like crazy wacko's, and the attention on you is thereby removed.
I will say my opinion in a moment, but I will echo Yabby's advice first: Start HRT under the supervision of a medical professional, although this could be difficult, if not impossible, because the laws in your area may state that you need parental permission to start hormones (since you're a minor). I don't know if your mom would sign off on that, but either way, the sooner you start, the better. Hormones should be your first concern, rather than dressing in the right clothes (although I understand that part, trust me). Testosterone "poisoning" of your body is horrible, it make your body masculine, and the psychological effects of that are very damaging. Not sure if you're already feeling/noticing the effects of that (facial hair, libido, etc.), but the sooner you get on anti-androgens and estrogen, the better you'll feel.
Now, yes, it is sad that your school is acting that way. I feel, that as long as you're not parading around the halls naked, or otherwise acting in a disrupting behavior, it shouldn't be a problem at all. Unless they have provisions for students to wear uniforms, then wear whatever you want, as long as it's appropriate and tasteful. Clothing is not gendered male or female, it's just made differently. As long as you're not dressed provocatively, then the school can just STFU.*
I have to wait till i am 18 to start hormones...My mom says, she'll never let me take them as long as I am still a kid. So I have to wait...
* - :)
If TLC returns your call in the next three hours, i'll send you $20. You're more likely to get a call back from NCLR on a holiday weekend than TLC within three weeks.
Quote from: Inphyy on August 17, 2009, 04:00:28 PM
I have to wait till i am 18 to start hormones...My mom says, she'll never let me take them as long as I am still a kid. So I have to wait...
* - :)
Then just do what you can to survive until you're able to get out of there hun, and blossom into a wonderful woman. We're here to support you. ;)
PM me anytime if you need to talk.
Quote from: Inphyy on August 17, 2009, 04:00:28 PM
I have to wait till i am 18 to start hormones...My mom says, she'll never let me take them as long as I am still a kid. So I have to wait...
* - :)
No you don't. Come to SF for three days and you'll be on, totally legit.
Quote from: Mister on August 17, 2009, 04:02:49 PM
If TLC returns your call in the next three hours, i'll send you $20. You're more likely to get a call back from NCLR on a holiday weekend than TLC within three weeks.
I'm not Hispanic! :(
Quote from: Inphyy on August 17, 2009, 04:04:38 PM
I'm not Hispanic! :(
Google it again, and this time look at more than just the first result.
Quote from: Fae on August 17, 2009, 04:03:45 PM
Then just do what you can to survive until you're able to get out of there hun, and blossom into a wonderful woman. We're here to support you. ;)
PM me anytime if you need to talk.
Okay! Thank you so much! =]
Post Merge: August 17, 2009, 04:08:31 PM
Quote from: Mister on August 17, 2009, 04:04:18 PM
No you don't. Come to SF for three days and you'll be on, totally legit.
???
Quote from: Inphyy on August 17, 2009, 04:08:10 PM
???
I think he means the National Center for Lesbian Rights
http://www.nclrights.org/site/PageServer?pagename=issue_transgender (http://www.nclrights.org/site/PageServer?pagename=issue_transgender)
Quote from: Mister on August 17, 2009, 04:07:00 PM
Google it again, and this time look at more than just the first result.
Thanks! I sent them a message. Hopefully...I'll get it by tomorrow...If not...I'll have to count my lucky stars, also the school has put me through conseling right now...*Sigh* I am soooo pissed...I need someone to talk to, I feel like crying sooo much! :'(
http://www.youthcrisisline.org/ (http://www.youthcrisisline.org/)
call them. they're fairly well versed in trans stuff.
Inphyy,
Why not totally dress feminine but not wear that dress? Then if you really feel you must wear it to school, you could fight with them ahead of time till they give in and let you wear it. It can be a lot easier to fight from within than from without.
What kind of counseling are they putting you in? Not all counseling is bad.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi
Quote from: Inphyy on August 17, 2009, 04:17:57 PM
*Sigh* I am soooo pissed...I need someone to talk to, I feel like crying sooo much! :'(
:icon_hug: :icon_hug: I'll be ok sweetie.
Like Kristi said, the counselor might be good, just to have someone to talk to. We're here too, and we're not gonna leave you.
Quote from: Fae on August 17, 2009, 04:32:21 PM
:icon_hug: :icon_hug: I'll be ok sweetie.
Like Kristi said, the counselor might be good, just to have someone to talk to. We're here too, and we're not gonna leave you.
But in a week my mom is un-plugging the internet, so that's why I made the other thread to keep in contact with people! :)
OK, here is where I get to be unpopular - well more unpopular than I already am.
Its going to be real hard for you to get any legal service to take your case if your parents are not supporting you. They are risking a counter suit for custodial interference if they do. Second taking on a school board, or school district, who are not permitting you to do something your parent objects to also is going to be almost impossible, as it's pretty much their legal duty to be in loco parentis - acting in the parents behalf.
Second, minors have no real civil, or legal rights, hence its might hard - short of physical abuse - to claim that they are violating yours.
Tekla's right.
If you truly want out of there, I can hook you up with somewhere that you will be safe, respected and all that jazz. They'll try to reunite you w/ your mom if it's possible and shelter you if not.
And please trust me regarding this... You need to block your T. At most costs... That is extremely important for you, and I agree... The clothes don't matter as much. Don't give into that 18 or older crap cause thats when your male puberty is already done with the havoc it wreaked... I basically was delayed for a year by my mom and I self medicated anyway, and I still feel like I did it late in the game. You have high potential... That is something I would raise hell about...
There are so many things I could have avoided if I knew to do that... SO much.
You just can't mess around with time...
Quote from: Kara-Xen on August 17, 2009, 08:11:37 PM
And please trust me regarding this... You need to block your T. At most costs... That is extremely important for you, and I agree... The clothes don't matter as much. Don't give into that 18 or older crap cause thats when your male puberty is already done with the havoc it wreaked... I basically was delayed for a year by my mom and I self medicated anyway, and I still feel like I did it late in the game. You have high potential... That is something I would raise hell about...
There are so many things I could have avoided if I knew to do that... SO much.
You just can't mess around with time...
I do want to block it but I am in a corner I don't like it but I have to wait till I am 18! My mom would never let me take hormones or hormone blockers.