So I had to get an ultrasound today and saw proof right on the screen that I really do have, you know, ovaries. As if the moobs weren't testament to that fact (but a guy can hope). So I'm feeling a bit bummed. I think once I get home I'm going to zone out playing video games. That's my favorite way to deal. I dealt with it for awhile by going to the gym, which I know is healthier, and even though my membership's expired, I could still get out and walk, but it doesn't really make me feel better. If I had some extra cash, I'd go buy a new item of clothing that's really masculine.
So I was wondering how you all deal with it when it's really bad.
bottle of Southern Comfort just for the comfort part. Sometimes I call my sister lately. Then curl up in a ball and steep in my misery. Life usually looks better when I get sober again. Doesn't mean its the best or even a good way to do it.
Quote from: LordKAT on April 26, 2010, 12:46:03 PM
bottle of Southern Comfort just for the comfort part. Sometimes I call my sister lately. Then curl up in a ball and steep in my misery. Life usually looks better when I get sober again. Doesn't mean its the best or even a good way to do it.
hahahaha I'm sorry but I had to laugh at that one. : )
I pet my facial hair....strange...but makes me feel better sometimes. When it doesn't I can talk to my girlfriend.
[I know I am in the wrong area but the question just got my attention]
If it gets really bad I start a tear fest that lasts for a few hours to a few days. In the worst case scenario curl up in a ball and just sob until my body is wracked with pain and grief. (thankfully since I started HRT this has only happened once)
Then I come on line to the trans suport sites I frequent and share.
That is if I was able to avoid ussing Lordkats methood but I prefer harder drugs.
punch a wall, look at my razor blades, open a bottle of jack daniels, scream and shout at everyone who cares about me, go to the gym and lately, dig the garden
Thank God my dysphoria hasn't seen a need to act up lately.. let's hope it stays that way!
When it has been bad though, I'd hit stuff.. constantly (I'd reccomend getting a punching bag if you're into using this method), let my hateful sarcasm off it's leash, or alot of times would just stop talking completely, curl into a ball, stare off into space, and wait 'til it went away..
It's true what they say, you know; after the high comes the low. I had a great weekend, got to show off my hairy legs in shorts on Saturday, went buying proper interview clothes today, including a nice tie and shirt... and on trying on my trousers, my hips seem wider than ever >:( That and an impending psych. appointment isn't helping matters, despite my best efforts.
My personal release has got to be the video games. They stopped me from addressing this issue in the first place, but now I know what's going on and the way to fix it, playing a male version of my self-sim is a good outlet. At least until I quit being so lazy and go get some decent food back in stock, so I have good fuel for weight-training. Might even help trim my hips a little - which would help the dysphoria too.
I smoke weed. A whole lot of weed.
I used to self harm, but I don't feel the need to anymore. But now weed has come along and taken its place.
Our coping methods are quite awful. Someone needs to up with something constructive.
I have something constructive. Its going to the doctor, saying i want my body changing to match my mind, can i have surgery tomorrow and them saying YES, of course, Alex. Unfortunately i know that ain't ever gonna happen so i'll stick with punching the wall
Quote from: Ryan on April 26, 2010, 03:48:48 PM
I smoke weed. A whole lot of weed.
I used to self harm, but I don't feel the need to anymore. But now weed has come along and taken its place.
I self-injure occasionally, but only when I'm feeling suicidal (which thankfully has been less frequently lately). It's the only thing at times like that that takes the edge off.
Quote from: Ryan on April 26, 2010, 03:48:48 PM
Our coping methods are quite awful. Someone needs to up with something constructive.
lol, too right.
Everyone says exercise is supposed to help with depression, and it does, but it's not immediate enough (although when I had my gym membership, working the weight machines was always a picker-upper). Sleeping helps sometimes. Talking to a therapist would help, if I had a competent therapist. :/ Online comics. Umm...*strains brain* Talking to a friend. Except none of my RL friends would understand about my trans issues. Shopping, when I have the money. Video games definitely rank #1 for me.
Post Merge: April 26, 2010, 04:19:17 PM
Quote from: Nemo on April 26, 2010, 02:30:16 PM
That and an impending psych. appointment isn't helping matters, despite my best efforts.
Good luck with the psych appointment.
Long distance running, working out, costuming, watching DVDs, fanfiction, gaming...but at the moment the best cure is my wonderful partner who has never, ever seen me as anything but who I am.
Unfortunately for me alcohol does just make it all worse and I wouldn't go near drugs! So I really do have to make the best of it...or just use my overactive imagination!
QuoteGood luck with the psych appointment.
Thanks :) Yeah, sleep helps, except when it's easily disrupted. Nightwish also helps, though :icon_rockon:
Quote from: Ryan on April 26, 2010, 03:48:48 PM
I smoke weed. A whole lot of weed.
I used to self harm, but I don't feel the need to anymore. But now weed has come along and taken its place.
Our coping methods are quite awful. Someone needs to up with something constructive.
If you live in a medical marijuana region please get a card. Do not allow your need for a legitamate medication to send you to prison. Personaly I have a card and I have found
weedcanabis to be a very good choice to relieve anxiety and disasociate from dysphoria. But to risk incarceration so young and as trans is not a good idea.
Nah, I'm in the UK. I wouldn't see it as a legitimate medication though.
It's illegal here, but for personal use the laws are quite relaxed.
I take a nap usually...depends on what sort of feeling I have. Usually it's frustration or sadness so I just cry and take a nap. When I wake up I feel better. If I'm pissed off I'll walk my dog or lift weights.
Playing Robot Unicorn Attacks helps at times, other times it's counter productive. Stupid unicorn.
Yeah. I just turn on some Justin Bieber. His lyrical genius always soothes me into a state of pure happiness.
Not really.
I usually just feel sorry for myself, then realize that doesn't make anything better so I focus on the good things going on :) It's hard sometimes, but feeling like crap is such a waste of time. It's easier said than done to forget about it and all, but slug through it. You have the man-power.
I have found that if I allow myself some time to stew in it a while, it passes faster than if I just tried to work past it. Have any of you found the same to work?
Quote from: LordKAT on April 27, 2010, 12:39:50 AM
I have found that if I allow myself some time to stew in it a while, it passes faster than if I just tried to work past it. Have any of you found the same to work?
Nope, because it doesn't pass. That's probably because I'm pre-all though.
Pre everything is when I did that to get through. I don't need that measure anymore.
Dysphoria isn't that bad currently so it's easy to ignore... but beforehand I would focus on someone else instead of me.
Quote from: LordKAT on April 27, 2010, 02:08:40 AM
Pre everything is when I did that to get through. I don't need that measure anymore.
I must be doing it wrong then. Either that, or I'm just really easily disappointed/bad at dealing with problems.
Quote from: SilverFang on April 27, 2010, 02:12:55 AM
I must be doing it wrong then. Either that, or I'm just really easily disappointed/bad at dealing with problems.
Either that, or you are just not me so what works for me don't work for you. And that is A-OK.
I probably don't get the dysphoria kicks most guys 'round here get, but it's something I can relate to either way.
Whenever my dysphoria tries to gnaw off my toe there's the 'and it ain't ever gonna change' taking the lead role.
In the past I cut, I did liquor, and I punched my wall.
Nowadays I put on some clothes in which I know I look fine, put on some music, and bring out my kendama or poii's and start rocking it. Either that or I work out, but I usually feel more agressive that way and push my limits a bit too much.
Whatever the remedy I always lock myself up since I hate having people around when I'm down plus I don't want to burden them with something they likely won't understand.
Quote from: no_id on April 27, 2010, 04:11:58 AM
Whatever the remedy I always lock myself up since I hate having people around when I'm down plus I don't want to burden them with something they likely won't understand.
My reason for saying curl up in a ball and stew in it for a while. My room, my pain, I'm not willing to share.
Mmm pain stew, that sounds pretty delicious. Pity you're not willing to share... oh.
Lately the dysphoria has been kicking my ass. I've been writing a little each day, but then the depression kicks in and I lose my steam. I play WoW... lots of wow. I have a toon to play specifically when I'm feeling crap about myself. It's 79 now. Yeah. I don't drink, or use drugs, but I kinda wish I could smoke a little weed to take the edge off. It makes me even more on edge and screws me up in an unfun sort of way.
Last night apparently dancing with the stars was my reality escape. Didn't work all that well, but I wasn't in the mood for much else. I used to play with my poi when I was pissed off, then decided that I should probably save it for when I'm happy and can actually enjoy the experience.
I know it's silly, but if there's extra money available I go out and buy something manly clothing wise. Yesterday I got a brand new pair of vans for 5 bucks... marked down from 60. That cheered me up for a few hours, but then the bottom fell out when I saw a photo taken of me looking super terrible. Not only femme, but just a bad capture of my face between expressions.
I guess that's all for now.
I deal by running across this field by my house until my legs start to feel like noodles and if I still feel bad after that I watch Red Dwarf because no matter how miserable I am for whatever reason it always makes me laugh and forget what's bothering me. If it's extremely bad I usually just stay out of the house and as some other people said let my pain stew the reason is I know if I stay inside I'll either take some sort of medication to get high or cut myself I've done neither in a while because of this method, but it still crosses my mind. I've been having a lot of problems with dysphoria recently because I keep having to pretend to be a girl when I go out with my grandma because if I dress like myself she spends the whole time putting me down and telling me I'm not a man and that I never will be. If it wasn't for the fact I respect my elders and am a gentlemen I probably just wouldn't go out with her at all because either way I'm miserable, but she's crippled so I feel bad if she has to go out shopping on her own.
On the upside of my recent misery due to spending pretty much all my time outside I've gained quite a nice tan.
Quote from: Lachlann on April 27, 2010, 02:12:40 AM
Dysphoria isn't that bad currently so it's easy to ignore... but beforehand I would focus on someone else instead of me.
This. 100% this is what I have found to be the quickest path out of the tailspin caused by severe dysphoria. Thinking of and subsequently serving someone else in need gets me out of my own head and helps me feel useful, confident, and important again - all aspects that the dysphoria attempts to take away from me. It isn't easy to do, because all I want to do is curl up and die, but it is totally worth it when I can force myself to do it.
Ohhh yeah. I punch walls alot. My knuckles are still out of place and I'm not sure when/if they'll go back in place. But when I punch walls, i get drugs when I go to the ER. It's sort of a destructive cycle, the only destructive cycle being the punching of the wall. I do other drugs too. And I used to cut. Now I'm trying to move onto more healthy methods..I still do some drugs and dont' see a problem with it unless I'm harming anyone or myself, even if I am, it's no one's business.
I normally just write and try to hang out with friends to stay busy or preoccupy myself in something other than dwelling. Like school, reading, or something else.
Quote from: LordKAT on April 27, 2010, 12:39:50 AM
I have found that if I allow myself some time to stew in it a while, it passes faster than if I just tried to work past it. Have any of you found the same to work?
Yeah, every once in awhile, when the dysphoria isn't too bad. Sometimes I can get myself into the mindset to analyze the situation more than feel the situation.. if that makes sense lol.
It does. If you are like me, it gives a chance to figure out what set it off this time so that I can try to avoid whatever it was or find an answer for it next time.
I seem to be stuck in a cycle at the minute. I pack cos it makes me feel good. Then it stops being good cos it reminds me that its just a piece of plastic that can't do anything naturally. So i stop wearing it and then i'm going mental cos i've nothing there. And then i can't talk to people without wanting to kill them i hate myself and anyone associated with me.
mmporgs are great,...until you have no life outside of that. I did that. My kids were very worried. One year later, name change and move on.
I didn't leave the house, I played for 30 hours straight, nap for maybe 5 then play again. Not good.
I suppose it's good then that WoW makes me a bit twitchy so I can only play for a couple of hours at a time. I can't even imagine sitting for 30 hours straight, much less wowing. Wow... literally. Now that's some stamina.
Funny...It wasnt to many months after I quit my WoW acount that I had my meltdown.
(yes I played mostly female toons)
Quote from: LordKAT on April 27, 2010, 12:39:50 AMI have found that if I allow myself some time to stew in it a while, it passes faster than if I just tried to work past it. Have any of you found the same to work?
That's me.
I drink, daydream (of the real me), sleep, do research and come here...or sometimes I just sit and worry about it.
I deal WAY better than I used to. 5 or 6 years ago (when I identified as a lesbian and owned push up bras and skirts :o ) I was cutting, putting out cigarettes in my arms, taking tequila shots and/or vicoden before class, and alternating between caffeine pills and sleeping pills to survive school and work. My worst point was when I took a handful of whatever pills were around my room (likely a mix of cold medicine, vicodine and sleeping pills) with a vodka and orange juice that was probably 75% vodka. I think my last conscious thought was "I wonder If I'll wake up tomorrow?" I don't think I was trying to kill myself, but more so testing the limits. I was in therapy but with the wrong diagnonsense. Treatment for a Borderline personality disorder doesn't work on GID.
I ended up transferring schools a couple months later, starting hanging at a GLBT youth center where I met a couple trans guys, and things gradually got better. I found some new friends I didn't have to pretend around (although I didn't realize at the time how hard I was trying to be a girl). I now find it kinda funny that I was ->-bleeped-<-ing a guy (who claimed to be straight at the time) with a strap-on (before I realized I'm trans) the first time ANYTHING felt right. (He's since come out at bi, and cross dresses. He stole all my "girl clothes".)
Now I cope by getting lost on my bike with my camera, avoiding mirrors at all costs, playing with the hair on my legs and stomach, and playing video games so I can laugh at my self, because I'm horrible at every video game ever made. I smoke a little weed and drink (beer only), but just when I'm hanging out with friends.
I went a little off track... sorry.
Quote from: kyle_lawrence on April 27, 2010, 10:52:59 PMplaying with the hair on my legs and stomach
LOL I do that too
I masturbate. lol. I deal with my pain too often that way. I think I was a legitimate addict as a teen.
Music is good too.
Or dressing up as a guy and photographing myself (did that today).
alcohol and pot, of course. but not recommended. heh
Already answered but I would add...If the dysphoria is mild run of the mill I touch my new breasts and feel very comforted.
Quote from: cynthialee on April 28, 2010, 07:59:09 AM
Already answered but I would add...If the dysphoria is mild run of the mill I touch my new breasts and feel very comforted.
how beautiful.
i like your signature.
My my well thank you Jimmy. :-*
Quote from: cynthialee on April 28, 2010, 10:52:58 AM
My my well thank you Jimmy. :-*
haha. no problem. i totally dig trans-women. it take a lot of ->-bleeped-<-ing guts. so kudos to you. ;D
I go out for long walks. Zone out on the computer or on videogames, or I work out and hit stuff, untill I'm so worn out that I fall into a deep sleep.
Quote from: GothTranzboi on May 04, 2010, 12:15:32 AM
I go out for long walks. Zone out on the computer or on videogames, or I work out and hit stuff, untill I'm so worn out that I fall into a deep sleep.
Yah I lift weights myself when I'm pissed about it. I was just doing that tonight. lol
At lest thats constructive. :) I also like coming here...because its nice to just know everyone here 'gets it'. I'm so depressed right now I can't really sleep. I haven't even changed out of my clothes...I don't want to see what's underneath right now.
Quote from: GothTranzboi on May 04, 2010, 12:26:26 AM
At lest thats constructive. :) I also like coming here...because its nice to just know everyone here 'gets it'. I'm so depressed right now I can't really sleep. I haven't even changed out of my clothes...I don't want to see what's underneath right now.
Yah, I'll browse on here as well for the same reason. I couldn't sleep last night because of depression (I actually ended up going to bed at 10am till 8pm :S) and was so bummed that this board was down somehow.
And yah, I'm lucky when I can be constructive. Usually I just get really overemotional, and cry or something, and then feel worse because I fall into the trap of "be a man! men don't cry!" lol ::) but its nice to be getting my muscles back instead. I can lift up to 50lbs and I only weigh 105. makes me feel mannnly. ;D
Quote from: jimmymot on May 04, 2010, 12:33:35 AM
And yah, I'm lucky when I can be constructive. Usually I just get really overemotional, and cry or something, and then feel worse because I fall into the trap of "be a man! men don't cry!" lol ::) but its nice to be getting my muscles back instead. I can lift up to 50lbs and I only weigh 105. makes me feel mannnly. ;D
LOL I've done the don't cry thing too. I hate crying because I feel like once I'm done, it hasbn't sloved anything, and I look gross and have a headache. Oooo...muscle nice. Yeah prolly shouldn't be going down that one track mind train of thought either. :D
Quote from: jimmymot on April 28, 2010, 05:22:31 AM
I masturbate. lol. I deal with my pain too often that way. I think I was a legitimate addict as a teen.
Music is good too.
alcohol and pot, of course. but not recommended. heh
that (i deleted a part) + constant moving ( my basic strategy) +lately , coming here + trying to um... control my mind !::) = not working sometimes , so what i do is keep moving and/or drinking till it passes
but getting depressed is not directly related to dysphoria with me i think, what gets me in dysphoria is feeling like i'm choking but only i can breath , if that makes any sense ???
Quote from: GothTranzboi on May 04, 2010, 12:39:37 AM
LOL I've done the don't cry thing too. I hate crying because I feel like once I'm done, it hasbn't sloved anything, and I look gross and have a headache. Oooo...muscle nice. Yeah prolly shouldn't be going down that one track mind train of thought either. :D
Yeah, I hate that about crying too. But sometimes letting it all out is good for you. I tend to stuff my emotions, especially anger, so i probably need to do more often.
And yeah, haha, I know the muscle thing is stereotypical too. but i cant help it. I love to lift things for my lady friends and get compliments. heh
Quote from: something else on May 04, 2010, 12:42:27 AM
that (i deleted a part) + constant moving ( my basic strategy) +lately , coming here + trying to um... control my mind !::) = not working sometimes , so what i do is keep moving and/or drinking till it passes
but getting depressed is not directly related to dysphoria with me i think, what gets me in dysphoria is feeling like i'm choking but only i can breath , if that makes any sense ???
You can only try you know. I think there's nothing you can do but accept that there will always be low days. I tell myself a lot "this too shall pass" as a reminder that no matter how bad I feel, if I'm alive there is bound to be a better day.
I think I understand what you mean about the choking thing, anxiety-ish?
I'm more inclined to acknowledge my gender, feel sad about it, feel angry at myself for feeling sad, and then becoming cynical that I care so much at all. haha. So for me its more of a frustrated/overwhelmed feeling.
I dont deal with it very well. I usually admit myself to the Hospital and after a couple of weeks of anti-psychotic medication and HRT I feel better. I usually only get dysphoria when I go off my HRT and anti-psychotics. Once the doctors stabilise me on my medication they send me home and Im usually better. To be honest I get really psychotic when I get dysphoria. I really only need the HRT to be healthy. But the anti-psychotic medication Im on helps me sleep as it has a sedative effect. I will eventually come off the anti-psychotics. But HRT is for life.
I'm hoping HRT will help with the dysphoria. On a side note...I'm a sith for life! Xanatos is my fave followed by Darth maul!
Do you guys find that depression and dysphoria seem to have same basic outward appearances? As in either will cause me to bury myself in my room and not leave it. The difference is in the reason I stay there. One is cause I just don't have the will power, the other is, too embarrassed of a body that has betrayed me way to often. The idea of anyone seeing the thing I have to wear instead of me is sometimes just too much and I hide.
I'm not sure that makes sense but anyway. Words and writing just don't work for me very well.
Quote from: LordKAT on May 04, 2010, 01:13:45 AM
Do you guys find that depression and dysphoria seem to have same basic outward appearances?
I'm not sure that makes sense but anyway. Words and writing just don't work for me very well.
I see your point. And your words are fine. I think thats also what initaily frustrated me when coming out is that people would say I'm using transistion to slove my depression. I'm not dysphoric because I'm depressed, I'm depressed because I'm Dysphoric!
Quote from: LordKAT on May 04, 2010, 01:13:45 AM
Do you guys find that depression and dysphoria seem to have same basic outward appearances? As in either will cause me to bury myself in my room and not leave it. The difference is in the reason I stay there. One is cause I just don't have the will power, the other is, too embarrassed of a body that has betrayed me way to often. The idea of anyone seeing the thing I have to wear instead of me is sometimes just too much and I hide.
I'm not sure that makes sense but anyway. Words and writing just don't work for me very well.
i totally get the idea , although i always fight that urge to hide , plus there are whole bunch of reasons why i hide away from people and the world ,so i stopped looking for reasons i do that and just trying to find reasons not to
and btw , you are really really good with words and writing , to be honest i always wanted to ask you where do you come up with all this wisdom all the time
Quote from: GothTranzboi on May 04, 2010, 01:22:22 AM
I see your point. And your words are fine. I think thats also what initaily frustrated me when coming out is that people would say I'm using transistion to slove my depression. I'm not dysphoric because I'm depressed, I'm depressed because I'm Dysphoric!
Agh, thank you! I've been depressed for more than half of my life because of this stuff! It doesn't help my mum seems to be in denial. I've been searching for answers to this stuff for so long and when I finally have the realization of who I am, what I was hiding from myself, I went into a really bad depression... and when I finally pulled myself out everyone refused to believe me. I can't count the number of times music has saved my from myself, I've always hated myself and I've never really had an excuse for why. I knew of transsexuals, but I automatically disowned the idea, "That couldn't happen to me," mentality rendering my reasoning opaque. It's been rough, but I can hope it will get better!
Quote from: something else on May 04, 2010, 02:01:57 AM
i totally get the idea , although i always fight that urge to hide , plus there are whole bunch of reasons why i hide away from people and the world ,so i stopped looking for reasons i do that and just trying to find reasons not to
and btw , you are really really good with words and writing , to be honest i always wanted to ask you where do you come up with all this wisdom all the time
I hid once for just over a year with never leaving my house. Long story. It gave me time to think and figure out what I was hiding from. I had done it before a number of times but never for that long. I found that I had more than one reason. Once I knew that I could figure out how to not feel the need to hide so strongly.
As to wisdom, I'm not wise, just old. My words/thoughts are just that and no more.
Quote from: GothTranzboi on May 04, 2010, 01:22:22 AM
I'm not dysphoric because I'm depressed, I'm depressed because I'm Dysphoric!
This is a common theme from amongst the members here.
More accurately, I would say that gender dysphoria causes depression.
It will, but as the saying goes some things will get worse before they get better family being the most complex of these. At least for me it was. but as I grew more certain about who I was I pushed through it. There have been tears and fights, but I'm not giving up. This is who I am and I won't go back to a lie now that I'm free.
Quote from: LordKAT on May 04, 2010, 01:13:45 AM
Do you guys find that depression and dysphoria seem to have same basic outward appearances? As in either will cause me to bury myself in my room and not leave it. The difference is in the reason I stay there. One is cause I just don't have the will power, the other is, too embarrassed of a body that has betrayed me way to often. The idea of anyone seeing the thing I have to wear instead of me is sometimes just too much and I hide.
I'm not sure that makes sense but anyway. Words and writing just don't work for me very well.
Hmm, I think I understand what you're saying here. There's a difference between depression and depression due to dysphoria. They reflect likewise externally, but work different pakours internally. If I had to pin it down I'd say it's a difference between 'self pity' and 'self hate', 'hate the world' and 'hate myself', '(act like) don't want help' and 'if only I could be helped'. I suppose it's a juggling act between helpless and hopeless...
I'll echo you're 'I'm not sure if that makes sense' on this one.. ;)
Quote from: BoyDani on May 04, 2010, 02:06:45 AM
Agh, thank you! I've been depressed for more than half of my life because of this stuff! It doesn't help my mum seems to be in denial.
My mom is too. I just came out to her and she thinks this is just a phase, like a hobby or something and if she ignores it, it'll just go away. In the meantime this last three days, I've gotten m'am a few times. Arghhhh. It's grating on my nerves more and more. These last few days have not been too uplifting. *edits* The doctor has me on Provera for a few days which isn't helping either...and I think the moobs look bigger since I started taking it. *grumble grumble argh*
I'm prone to depression; the gender dysphoria makes it worse. Last year after gallbladder surgery, it was all I could do to keep from killing myself, it was so bad (I didn't realize going in they were going to pretty much take off the hospital gown for the surgery. I woke up to find the gown unbuttoned and the little sticky pads from a heart monitor under the left moob--I can't express the horror I felt then).
Quote from: jmaxley on May 04, 2010, 09:40:22 AM
I'm prone to depression; the gender dysphoria makes it worse. Last year after gallbladder surgery, it was all I could do to keep from killing myself, it was so bad (I didn't realize going in they were going to pretty much take off the hospital gown for the surgery. I woke up to find the gown unbuttoned and the little sticky pads from a heart monitor under the left moob--I can't express the horror I felt then).
I would have felt so violated! I haven't been to the "down stairs" doc in 3 years. I really need to go, but just thinking about it makes me very down and anxious. Even thinking about makes me panic.
Quote from: GothTranzboi on May 04, 2010, 10:35:57 AM
I would have felt so violated!
Thank God someone understands! I tried to talk to my family, my therapist, and my shrink (who does my meds) about how I felt violated and they told me I was over-reacting, making something out of nothing, it was no big deal, etc. Thank God someone understands.
Quote from: GothTranzboi on May 04, 2010, 10:35:57 AM
I haven't been to the "down stairs" doc in 3 years. I really need to go, but just thinking about it makes me very down and anxious. Even thinking about makes me panic.
I hear you. I've never had one of those exams done. I went to an ob/gyn back in January because of some issues but just couldn't make myself go through with the exam. Then when I told her I was trans, she was very hostile. So my family doc ordered a regular ultra sound (the obgyn wanted to do a transvaginal one) which was still pretty bad but it showed what the problem is...
Quote from: jmaxley on May 04, 2010, 08:01:40 PM
Thank God someone understands! I tried to talk to my family, my therapist, and my shrink (who does my meds) about how I felt violated and they told me I was over-reacting, making something out of nothing, it was no big deal, etc. Thank God someone understands.
I hear you. I've never had one of those exams done. I went to an ob/gyn back in January because of some issues but just couldn't make myself go through with the exam. Then when I told her I was trans, she was very hostile. So my family doc ordered a regular ultra sound (the obgyn wanted to do a transvaginal one) which was still pretty bad but it showed what the problem is...
I've only had one. It was the worst experience of my life to date. First it was and old dude. And I've NEVER had frontal penitration, and he repeatedly baggered me about having had sex already. Although I insisted I had not he didn't believe me until he took a look. It hurt so bad. I don't know if I can go back. I'm so scared to tell them I'm trans at the doctors. But I havent bled in over 3 months now. (I am not preggers). And I get shooting pains through my crotch. I honestly dunno what to do.
Post Merge: May 04, 2010, 07:19:26 PM
Oh and I forgot to add he brough an Intern in with him. -shudders-
That's horrible. You might like to ask your family doc about getting a regular ultrasound. I hadn't been getting a period either but was spotting all the time. What they found was that my uterus was really thick, it wasn't shedding like it was supposed to. The ultrasound also showed a really big cyst on one of the ovaries. It didn't hurt getting it done, but is kind of embarrassing because they put gel on and run the scanner over the top part of the downstairs area (you get to keep your pants on though and not much is exposed). The lighting in the room was dim, and it was a female doing the scan, which made it easier to get done.
Quote from: jmaxley on May 04, 2010, 08:31:00 PM
What they found was that my uterus was really thick, it wasn't shedding like it was supposed to.
I know that my uterus is thick because the last time I got checked the average is 8 and mine is 11.
Honestly I've been afraid to go back to any sort of downstairs doctor for about the last four years. I have learned over the years to enjoy front sex with my man. We've been together for over ten years now, and he's very understanding if I'm not in the mood for that sort of thing. As a precaution I had the obgyn put in a copper iud... which of course failed. If I thought having something crammed up my cervix was invasive and scary, one can only imagine the nightmare that my life was when I ended up getting an abortion. (I don't need a lecture, it was the right choice.) Not to mention all the internal ultrasounds and poking around that was done to me. The lady who took my blood pressure at the time seemed all amazed that it was extremely high. Well no ->-bleeped-<-.
Lets just say it took a good long time to get over that one. No amount of WoW playing helped me cope. However playing it helped me figure out that something was wrong in the first place. Normally I don't get motion sickness from running across the barrens. lol
Quote from: Roro on May 04, 2010, 09:15:05 PM
However playing it helped me figure out that something was wrong in the first place. Normally I don't get motion sickness from running across the barrens. lol
lol Preggers test ala WOW
If this turns into barens chat I am so out. No I will not tell you how to complete your quest!
LOL
Quote from: cynthialee on May 04, 2010, 09:40:54 PM
If this turns into barens chat I am so out. No I will not tell you how to complete your quest!
LOL
For the Horde!!!!
Post Merge: May 04, 2010, 09:46:23 PM
I have actually never played wow....but lots of my friends do....ah PS3 saves me from dysphoric self harm.
Quote from: cynthialee on May 04, 2010, 09:40:54 PM
If this turns into barens chat I am so out. No I will not tell you how to complete your quest!
LOL
Could you give me directions to the nearest toilet to be sick into though? Or do I need quest helper for that? No I don't have a coordinates addon running. Just tell me where in normal people directions. Wowhead doesn't seem to have the barf bucket listed anywhere.
Look newb...if you do not have your add ons my guild will not let you go on the raid with us.
Bah! No love. *withholds the mana strudle*
What do I do to deal with dysphoria? Hmmm...
I listen to this song, over and over and over again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ayyPzuHGNU# (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ayyPzuHGNU#)
(I also lipsynch and dance, but I won't go into that.)
LucienOctopus: Well ->-bleeped-<-, that made my day.
Quote from: LordKAT on May 04, 2010, 01:13:45 AM
The idea of anyone seeing the thing I have to wear instead of me is sometimes just too much and I hide.
This is
exactly what happens to me. It's a pretty detrimental attitude to have when trying to hold down a job, that's for sure. In some ways, I went to college so I'd have to force myself out of the house but I've skipped some class days due to this. Sometimes I can deal with it just by keeping my head down and trying to prevent people from noticing me, but when that fails and someone talks to me I end up inarticulate because of mild panic. And normally when I'm feeling okay-ish, I'm very articulate, so this just adds to my unhappiness about myself.
I'm actually feeling this way at the moment, because I have not gotten enough sleep lately and that wears down my ability to cope. I'm just going to force myself to go and get through today, even though I'd rather curl up and hide under the blankets.
All the wow players in this place should totally be on the same server :P
Raiding is an awesome way to ignore the dysphoria, far too busy kicking ass and trying not to die to worry about silly things like moobs
If we pick a PvE server... I'm totally there.
LucienOctopus: Thats a freakin awesome song.
And I agree videogames solve all :P
Made a post in the "Just for us" Forum covering server details for anyone who wants to meet up. Going to work on starting a guild once I get a couple name suggestions, or think of something.
I let my WoW acount die last year.
Quote from: cynthialee on May 05, 2010, 01:32:39 PM
I let my WoW acount die last year.
*cry* I understand, but it still sucks to lose a polite/awesome/whatever player. So few of those around nowadays.
I must check out this wow thing. ;D
Quote from: jmaxley on May 05, 2010, 06:39:11 PM
I must check out this wow thing. ;D
I warn you, it can be VERY addictive. Seriously. People lose their lives over this game.
You also have to pay for a subscription to play online.
omg all the WoW players!
If you folks are interested and politically liberal-leaning, I'm a founding member/raid leader of a guild that came out of http://www.dailykos.com/ (http://www.dailykos.com/); we're fairly large and diverse, with a very big GLB component, one out trans woman, and me as a partially out trans guy. Here's our most recent recruitment thread:
http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2010/4/29/124259/634 (http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2010/4/29/124259/634)
and our Wowstead site:
http://wrecklist.wowstead.com/forums (http://wrecklist.wowstead.com/forums)
(because I'm only partially out due to still working things out with my husband, I don't talk about my status in gchat, but basically everyone knows and is supportive and some are beginning to get the pronouns right. If you introduced yourself as male from the beginning you'd get consistent respect for that, and there's zero tolerance for transphobia/homophobia. I'll personally gkick bigots.)
The other place I can suggest is Proudmoore. Taint and its many child-guilds are the gayborhood of WoW.
Quote from: jmaxley on May 05, 2010, 06:39:11 PM
I must check out this wow thing. ;D
This is not a joke I am serious...If you have an adictive personality DO NOT BUY THIS GAME!
You will be playing 30 hour grinds to prepare for a 20 man raid. When the raid happens fully 1/5 of the group will be AFK at any given moment. You will spend hundreds in hard farmed gold to repair second rate equipment just so you can beg to god that this raid will be the one when you get your item you are questing for. And if it does drop you need to worry about the lootmaster screwing you over and asigning your stuff to his hunter friend.
just sayin'
/giggles
Quote from: cynthialee on May 05, 2010, 06:54:46 PM
This is not a joke I am serious...If you have an adictive personality DO NOT BUY THIS GAME!
You will be playing 30 hour grinds to prepare for a 20 man raid. When the raid happens fully 1/5 of the group will be AFK at any given moment. You will spend hundreds in hard farmed gold to repair second rate equipment just so you can beg to god that this raid will be the one when you get your item you are questing for. And if it does drop you need to worry about the lootmaster screwing you over and asigning your stuff to his hunter friend.
just sayin'
/giggles
This is why you join my guild, where I am (often) the raid leader and (almost always) the loot master, and that stuff doesn't fly :) Also, we have guild-funded repairs.
Crap now I wanna play....But I'd be a major noob.
To me, it's just not worth it to keep paying for a video game... Don't get me wrong, I LOVE video games, but I'm just not cool with paying for a subscription or a membership. So the only MMORPG I ever play is... (go ahead and laugh, but I love this game) Runescape. ;D
Yup Runescape all the way for me.
I figure it's this way, in our household at least. We won't pay for cable. We can't agree on what movies to see. We can't agree on any other activity to do together. My man is exhausted when he comes home from work. Paying 30 dollars a month for two accounts is our entertainment budget. It provides us something to do as a couple.
I agree. If you have even the slightest hint of an addictive personality, it's not the best game choice. You'll get sucked in. Next thing you know you'll be grinding rep for a title and you won't even know where the week went.
Goth: Everyone starts somewhere, and I'm betting even the most full of themselves players were great big noobs when they started. I really wish there was some sort of "new player" tag you could access through a dropdown or something. A self applied sort of thing like one of those name tags when you first start at min wage name tag type jobs.
Yep, such a runescape addict. It's the lame version of WoW but it serves it's purpose. I am a man. I flirt with girls as a guy. And I am productive, unlike when my disphoria's bad in real life, because I actually have the body and identity I want. It's for us cheap-os
A newbie nametag would have come in handy my first deadmines run.
I'll have to check out Runescape then...I'm a miser.