I deal WAY better than I used to. 5 or 6 years ago (when I identified as a lesbian and owned push up bras and skirts

) I was cutting, putting out cigarettes in my arms, taking tequila shots and/or vicoden before class, and alternating between caffeine pills and sleeping pills to survive school and work. My worst point was when I took a handful of whatever pills were around my room (likely a mix of cold medicine, vicodine and sleeping pills) with a vodka and orange juice that was probably 75% vodka. I think my last conscious thought was "I wonder If I'll wake up tomorrow?" I don't think I was trying to kill myself, but more so testing the limits. I was in therapy but with the wrong diagnonsense. Treatment for a Borderline personality disorder doesn't work on GID.
I ended up transferring schools a couple months later, starting hanging at a GLBT youth center where I met a couple trans guys, and things gradually got better. I found some new friends I didn't have to pretend around (although I didn't realize at the time how hard I was trying to be a girl). I now find it kinda funny that I was ->-bleeped-<-ing a guy (who claimed to be straight at the time) with a strap-on (before I realized I'm trans) the first time ANYTHING felt right. (He's since come out at bi, and cross dresses. He stole all my "girl clothes".)
Now I cope by getting lost on my bike with my camera, avoiding mirrors at all costs, playing with the hair on my legs and stomach, and playing video games so I can laugh at my self, because I'm horrible at every video game ever made. I smoke a little weed and drink (beer only), but just when I'm hanging out with friends.
I went a little off track... sorry.