How do you deal when the dysphoria's really bad?

[Silver]

More accurately, I would say that gender dysphoria causes depression.

[GothTranzboi]

It will, but as the saying goes some things will get worse before they get better family being the most complex of these. At least for me it was. but as I grew more certain about who I was I pushed through it. There have been tears and fights, but I'm not giving up. This is who I am and I won't go back to a lie now that I'm free.

[no_id]

Do you guys find that depression and dysphoria seem to have same basic outward appearances? As in either will cause me to bury myself in my room and not leave it. The difference is in the reason I stay there. One is cause I just don't have the will power, the other is, too embarrassed of a body that has betrayed me way to often. The idea of anyone seeing the thing I have to wear instead of me is sometimes just too much and I hide.

I'm not sure that makes sense but anyway. Words and writing just don't work for me very well.

Hmm, I think I understand what you're saying here. There's a difference between depression and depression due to dysphoria. They reflect likewise externally, but work different pakours internally. If I had to pin it down I'd say it's a difference between 'self pity' and 'self hate', 'hate the world' and 'hate myself', '(act like) don't want help' and 'if only I could be helped'. I suppose it's a juggling act between helpless and hopeless...

I'll echo you're 'I'm not sure if that makes sense' on this one..

[jmaxley]

Agh, thank you! I've been depressed for more than half of my life because of this stuff! It doesn't help my mum seems to be in denial.

My mom is too.  I just came out to her and she thinks this is just a phase, like a hobby or something and if she ignores it, it'll just go away.  In the meantime this last three days, I've gotten m'am a few times.  Arghhhh.  It's grating on my nerves more and more.  These last few days have not been too uplifting. *edits*  The doctor has me on Provera for a few days which isn't helping either...and I think the moobs look bigger since I started taking it.   *grumble grumble argh*

I'm prone to depression; the gender dysphoria makes it worse.  Last year after gallbladder surgery, it was all I could do to keep from killing myself, it was so bad (I didn't realize going in they were going to pretty much take off the hospital gown for the surgery.  I woke up to find the gown unbuttoned and the little sticky pads from a heart monitor under the left moob--I can't express the horror I felt then).

[GothTranzboi]

I'm prone to depression; the gender dysphoria makes it worse.  Last year after gallbladder surgery, it was all I could do to keep from killing myself, it was so bad (I didn't realize going in they were going to pretty much take off the hospital gown for the surgery.  I woke up to find the gown unbuttoned and the little sticky pads from a heart monitor under the left moob--I can't express the horror I felt then).

I would have felt so violated! I haven't been to the "down stairs" doc in 3 years. I really need to go, but just thinking about it makes me very down and anxious. Even thinking about makes me panic.

[jmaxley]

I would have felt so violated!

Thank God someone understands!  I tried to talk to my family, my therapist, and my shrink (who does my meds) about how I felt violated and they told me I was over-reacting, making something out of nothing, it was no big deal, etc.  Thank God someone understands.

I haven't been to the "down stairs" doc in 3 years. I really need to go, but just thinking about it makes me very down and anxious. Even thinking about makes me panic.

I hear you.  I've never had one of those exams done.  I went to an ob/gyn back in January because of some issues but just couldn't make myself go through with the exam.  Then when I told her I was trans, she was very hostile. So my family doc ordered a regular ultra sound (the obgyn wanted to do a transvaginal one) which was still pretty bad but it showed what the problem is...

[GothTranzboi]

Thank God someone understands!  I tried to talk to my family, my therapist, and my shrink (who does my meds) about how I felt violated and they told me I was over-reacting, making something out of nothing, it was no big deal, etc.  Thank God someone understands.

I hear you.  I've never had one of those exams done.  I went to an ob/gyn back in January because of some issues but just couldn't make myself go through with the exam.  Then when I told her I was trans, she was very hostile. So my family doc ordered a regular ultra sound (the obgyn wanted to do a transvaginal one) which was still pretty bad but it showed what the problem is...

I've only had one. It was the worst experience of my life to date. First it was and old dude. And I've NEVER had frontal penitration, and he repeatedly baggered me about having had sex already. Although I insisted I had not he didn't believe me until he took a look. It hurt so bad. I don't know if I can go back. I'm so scared to tell them I'm trans at the doctors. But I havent bled in over 3 months now. (I am not preggers). And I get shooting pains through my crotch. I honestly dunno what to do.
Post Merge: May 04, 2010, 07:19:26 PM
Oh and I forgot to add he brough an Intern in with him. -shudders-

[jmaxley]

That's horrible.  You might like to ask your family doc about getting a regular ultrasound.  I hadn't been getting a period either but was spotting all the time.  What they found was that my uterus was really thick, it wasn't shedding like it was supposed to.  The ultrasound also showed a really big cyst on one of the ovaries.  It didn't hurt getting it done, but is kind of embarrassing because they put gel on and run the scanner over the top part of the downstairs area (you get to keep your pants on though and not much is exposed).  The lighting in the room was dim, and it was a female doing the scan, which made it easier to get done.

[GothTranzboi]

What they found was that my uterus was really thick, it wasn't shedding like it was supposed to. 

I know that my uterus is thick because the last time I got checked the average is 8 and mine is 11.

[Roro]

Honestly I've been afraid to go back to any sort of downstairs doctor for about the last four years. I have learned over the years to enjoy front sex with my man. We've been together for over ten years now, and he's very understanding if I'm not in the mood for that sort of thing. As a precaution I had the obgyn put in a copper iud... which of course failed. If I thought having something crammed up my cervix was invasive and scary, one can only imagine the nightmare that my life was when I ended up getting an abortion. (I don't need a lecture, it was the right choice.) Not to mention all the internal ultrasounds and poking around that was done to me. The lady who took my blood pressure at the time seemed all amazed that it was extremely high. Well no ->-bleeped-<-.

Lets just say it took a good long time to get over that one. No amount of WoW playing helped me cope. However playing it helped me figure out that something was wrong in the first place. Normally I don't get motion sickness from running across the barrens. lol

[GothTranzboi]

However playing it helped me figure out that something was wrong in the first place. Normally I don't get motion sickness from running across the barrens. lol

lol Preggers test ala WOW

[cynthialee]

If this turns into barens chat I am so out. No I will not tell you how to complete your quest!
LOL

[GothTranzboi]

If this turns into barens chat I am so out. No I will not tell you how to complete your quest!
LOL

For the Horde!!!!
Post Merge: May 04, 2010, 09:46:23 PM
I have actually never played wow....but lots of my friends do....ah PS3 saves me from dysphoric self harm.

[Roro]

If this turns into barens chat I am so out. No I will not tell you how to complete your quest!
LOL

Could you give me directions to the nearest toilet to be sick into though? Or do I need quest helper for that? No I don't have a coordinates addon running. Just tell me where in normal people directions. Wowhead doesn't seem to have the barf bucket listed anywhere.

[cynthialee]

Look newb...if you do not have your add ons my guild will not let you go on the raid with us.

[Roro]

Bah! No love. *withholds the mana strudle*

[Between Names]

What do I do to deal with dysphoria?  Hmmm...

I listen to this song, over and over and over again. 



(I also lipsynch and dance, but I won't go into that.)

[Roro]

LucienOctopus: Well ->-bleeped-<-, that made my day.

[M.Grimm]

The idea of anyone seeing the thing I have to wear instead of me is sometimes just too much and I hide.

This is exactly what happens to me. It's a pretty detrimental attitude to have when trying to hold down a job, that's for sure. In some ways, I went to college so I'd have to force myself out of the house but I've skipped some class days due to this. Sometimes I can deal with it just by keeping my head down and trying to prevent people from noticing me, but when that fails and someone talks to me I end up inarticulate because of mild panic. And normally when I'm feeling okay-ish, I'm very articulate, so this just adds to my unhappiness about myself.

I'm actually feeling this way at the moment, because I have not gotten enough sleep lately and that wears down my ability to cope. I'm just going to force myself to go and get through today, even though I'd rather curl up and hide under the blankets.

[Jeatyn]

All the wow players in this place should totally be on the same server

Raiding is an awesome way to ignore the dysphoria, far too busy kicking ass and trying not to die to worry about silly things like moobs