OK, so I was scanning through a thread about whether or not to let ones wife/SO read ones posts on Susan's and in it Nooney Noonesson wrote a really interesting post about how wives might be suspicious that their TS partners might be using forums like this and meetings with other TS's as cover for sexual activities.

And Nooney said, 'I know not everyone who transitions or is trans or who crossdresses is wanting sex with strangers but due to the nature of testosterone and biology a whole lotta peeps are.'

Now here's the thing ... I'm sure that's correct.

But I don't get it.

To me, one of the defining aspects of my experience as a TS is that I don't have, and have never had a conventional masculine sexuality (gay or straight). I've never had that guy thing of being driven by your prick; that physical need to f***. I've never been turned on by visual pornography (words are another matter altogether) ... I've found girls and women attractive, I've fallen in love with them, I've had sex with them - tho it's often been VERY problematic: sometimes great, tho, too ... But I've always been driven more by a longing for intimacy and emotional closeness, which is what would normally be classified as a female approach (tho' girls can get plenty horny, too, when they're in the mood).

My point is, I can't imagine having that regular, male dick-centered sex-drive, and being TS. I'm not saying it's wrong, or doesn't exist, or makes anyone less of a TS. I just don't personally get it.

So can anyone please explain how a person can be driven to f*** like a man, but not feel like a man, or want to be a man?

How is it that there are girls on here wondering how they can maintain their erections?

Again, I'm not mocking, criticising or being judgemental in any way. I just want to know how that works, or feels ...

That's really just their choice, isn't it, hon?

I can only explain how it is for me.

Yes, I desire to be with women and at some level that gets mixed up with that's what I want to be like. 

I always knew that it was counterproductive not to try and be more masculine but it is what it is.

IMPO men desire intimacy far more than women, except when they're conforming to a false stereotype.

Alrighty... there A LOT of horny cis-FAAB out there ---- BUT, they were trained from early on (most!) NOT to show it. Since they don't really get and experience a boner, NOTHING other than getting wet would be an indication. So those of you that do get (wet) best not to sit down then 

The socialization with males is different, they are OK to show some of this sex-drive of theirs (without, there be no babies I guess )

So, it is the socialization, and of course far more noticeable with the younger folks, THAT in many a case makes the difference.

Axélle

Quote from: sandrauk on September 19, 2012, 06:59:59 AM
I can only explain how it is for me.

Yes, I desire to be with women and at some level that gets mixed up with that's what I want to be like. 

I always knew that it was counterproductive not to try and be more masculine but it is what it is.

IMPO men desire intimacy far more than women, except when they're conforming to a false stereotype.

Well, taking each of those propositions ...

I totally relate to that 'mix up' ... As my shrink once said to me: 'Your problem with women is that you can't decide whether to f*** them or be them.'

I also understand that you gotta work with what you've got. As long as we have male bodies, if we feel desire it will be expressed in a male way.

I absolutely agree that men routinely understate their desire for intimacy and women routinely understate their desire for a straightforward shag because they want to conform to gender stereotypes.

I guess the only thing I don't understand is the duality (quite common, I think, may  be wrong) of wanting on one level to transition and on another to preserve the strength of male sexuality and the male phallus.

Kind of a 'having your cake and eating it' thing ...

I dunno but it's my case where I am a straight trans who likes to be drilled non-stop by straight men. My friends say I'm a sick nympho. My sex drive is so powerful that it overwhelms the anti-androgens blockers while I hear others say their sex drive is dead, mine is well alive. Perhaps as I use Spiro and not Androcur. The strangest thing is I can't get erect enough to penetrate anyone but I am always super horny to be f.... to death.

Oh dear, if you don't think there are horny and slutty FAAB you must not be part of the younger generation .

Quote from: Ave on September 19, 2012, 08:21:37 AM
Oh dear, if you don't think there are horny and slutty FAAB you must not be part of the younger generation .

OF COURSE natural-born females can be horny and slutty ... there wouldn't be a word for 'slutty' otherwise! 

And if a girl wants to be drilled by guys, well, that just strikes me as perfectly natural. You keep right on at it, Silent Killer!

What I'm intrigued by is trans-girls who want to do the drilling ... because that's what guys do ... so if an MTF wants to drill why does she want to be a girl??

And it's just curiosity. As I say, I'm not trying to criticise or judge .... I'm just fascinated by the endless permutations of gender and sexuality our funny little world comes up with.

Quote from: Carlita on September 19, 2012, 08:45:43 AM
OF COURSE natural-born females can be horny and slutty ... there wouldn't be a word for 'slutty' otherwise! 

And if a girl wants to be drilled by guys, well, that just strikes me as perfectly natural. You keep right on at it, Silent Killer!

What I'm intrigued by is trans-girls who want to do the drilling ... because that's what guys do ... so if an MTF wants to drill why does she want to be a girl??

And it's just curiosity. As I say, I'm not trying to criticise or judge .... I'm just fascinated by the endless permutations of gender and sexuality our funny little world comes up with.

She could enjoy the duality of being trans and  being a beautiful woman, but also using her piece lmao.

Nochokin on YouTube is a good example.

Quote from: Carlita on September 19, 2012, 08:45:43 AM
What I'm intrigued by is trans-girls who want to do the drilling ... because that's what guys do ... so if an MTF wants to drill why does she want to be a girl??

Easy to understand: It is not what guys do.  It is merely what some people do.  It is not really a gender trait, only a sexual one.  The are cis-females that think it would be great to drill too.

P.S. What I dont really get is why the word sex is commonly used in the place of gender...  It kinda feels like they are 2 different things, sexual interests hardly ever align with external behaviours (or maybe that is just me...)

Well, put it this way. If you horny you want to hump, no matter if guy or girl...

Girls hump their cushions in the absents of a partner due to their equipment situation 

Humping is little different from 'drilling' as you would call it, right?

Axélle

Quote from: Abracadabra on September 19, 2012, 09:22:25 AM
Well, put it this way. If you horny you want to hump, no matter if guy or girl...

Girls hump their cushions in the absents of a partner due to their equipment situation 

Humping is little different from 'drilling' as you would call it, right?

Axélle

Not to be crass, but there are certainly women that want to drill.  Most of them make you call them mistress, but they are usually cis-female.

Like my Papi used to said: "It is the Testosterone Stupid!" Yeah, he did not mean to insult anybody, it was just the way he used to talk about obvious issues.

So, it does not matter what you chromosomal complement is, the level of "horniness is directly proportional to the levels of free circulating testosterone. This does not apply to people who have mutations on the enzymes involved in the metabolism of testosterone, or to people who do not have or have malfunctioning receptors for testosterone and/or estrogen.

Dr. Peky

I keep seeing this same sort of question come up, this failure to grasp that gender is a spectrum just like sexual orientation is a spectrum. Neither is black and white. Another myth that I've seen myth-busted on this site is the notion that gender is all about genitals. If anything, the genitals are just a very small part of what gender is. We go through 99% of our lives without getting our genitals involved at all. It doesn't surprise me that some trans people would not consider that a very important part of their transition. Alternatively, some just wouldn't quite be comfortable enough with the surgical or prosthetic options out there to want to mess with it. Surgery is a pretty big deal. There are significant costs and there are some risks. I don't find it hard to grasp that some trans women just don't care for it for themselves, or at least not at this time. So maybe they want what's there to continue to function because it's what's there. Or maybe some even prefer it that way and don't have intentions of changing it and just want other things to change in order to be in alignment with their notion of self.

Thoughts from the peanut gallery, for what little they're worth.

Quote from: Carlita on September 19, 2012, 05:39:33 AM
So can anyone please explain how a person can be driven to f*** like a man, but not feel like a man, or want to be a man?

How is it that there are girls on here wondering how they can maintain their erections?

Can only speak for myself. I'd much rather have female hardware, but given that I'm stuck (for now) with male hardware, I'm going to make the best of it. I've learned to use it very effectively.

Also I'm fascinated about just about anything female, and that includes female sexuality. I've never been attracted to men, only women, so that's the sexual expression that I'm most comfortable with anyway.

I figure I can either enjoy my junk or hate it. I vote for enjoy.

Quote from: Carlita on September 19, 2012, 08:08:05 AM

I guess the only thing I don't understand is the duality (quite common, I think, may  be wrong) of wanting on one level to transition and on another to preserve the strength of male sexuality and the male phallus.

Kind of a 'having your cake and eating it' thing ...

Well, I find men repulsive. I want nothing to do with them and the thought of transitioning and then going out and seeking a man is a real no go for me. Even Johnny Depp (I never quite got the Brad Pit thing) who I can just see as a good looking man holds no appeal.
By extension (in my screwed up mind) I don't want to be one either. Note that I'm talking about the exterior and the stereotype.

At the same time a lesbian relationship doesn't really work, although would be preferable to a man.

Not sure I understand what the "strength of the male sexuality", is but 90% of my pleasure derives from giving pleasure, and penetration is part of that. In that sense it's the natural order of things and frankly I enjoy it, why would I give that up to please anyone else?

I see the penis as sexuality and nothing else, certainly not as gender. This is in the same way as my hands are useful for feeling

I did wonder at one time if my desires were testosterone based but with a long time on E, nothing changed at least re the MTF thing.

My trickcyclist told me I was just a TV . Maybe so, but it doesn't mean that's what I want to be.
A TV is after all a man and you know how I feel about them.
The first question he asked me was "what's wrong with you" I answered ,honestly, That there was nothing at all wrong with me I just couldn't understand why everyone else was different.

Now, did someone mention cake?

Having experienced both "male" and "female" aspects of sexuality, I can understand why some people want both.

It's not what I want, though. The idea of penetrating is just...wrong...for me. But, I have memories of "being a guy" and thoroughly enjoying it. If one could keep *that* aspect of the mind's sexuality, of course one would want to keep it.

I just enjoy cuddling, caressing, etc a lot more...and yes, it leads to horniness and the need to "hump" something. 

To each their own...actually I think it'd be kinda cool to have an MTF with their "lower" equipment intact and functioning do me, once I have a vag...tribbing, but with a surprise...LOL

Quote from: ashrock on September 19, 2012, 09:36:31 AM
Not to be crass, but there are certainly women that want to drill.  Most of them make you call them mistress, but they are usually cis-female.

Well, of course - it's why there are strap-on dildos, yes?
Nothing crass about that, I think. Just a wakeup call for some to take note that 'drilling' is WORK, cardiac work! Needs plenty motivation. 

Axélle

Gay girls like strap-ons too, you know . It's all down to what works for you and what doesn't.

Quote from: Carlita on September 19, 2012, 05:39:33 AM
My point is, I can't imagine having that regular, male dick-centered sex-drive, and being TS. I'm not saying it's wrong, or doesn't exist, or makes anyone less of a TS. I just don't personally get it.

Hi Carlita,

It appears to me as though there's a big assumption being made in this conversation that sex is about copulation, period.  I can only speak from my own point of view on the topic (and it is a little complicated).  I am a woman with a trans background who is deeply in love with and married to another woman (who happens to not have a trans background.)  I've been on estrogen for a very long time, and have been free of the influence of testicles for a very long time too.  And.... I'm still as horny as a caffeinated bunny rabbit!

First off, I love my spouse, and infidelity is not in my ken.  Fortunately for me, even though my spouse does not share my intense sex drive, she is perfectly happy to make the effort to drive me to screaming multiple orgasms regularly (2 to 3 times a week, typically.)  As she puts it, "I gotta keep my doll happy."  When she wants it to be reciprocal, she lets me know... and I'm always happy and enthusiastic to comply.

That said, I do obsess.... OBSESS... about going down on men.  I think about it everyday... many times a day.  There are 2 really good reasons that I just don't see myself acting on my obsession.  The first is my love and devotion to my partner; I wouldn't do such a thing without her full knowledge and consent, and that ain't happenin'.  The second reason is disease.  That one is self evident and requires no elaboration.

I can see how someone in my position, someone with my sex drive and with less self restraint than I have, could make, as you suggest, a habit of trolling the internet (or wherever) for sexual experiences that have nothing to do with "drilling".... what can I say?  Oral is thrilling... who needs drilling?  (Though I like it all.)

Anyway, that's my take on your question.  I hope that I cast a little light on the subject for you.

Hugs,
Miharu