Quote from: Kadri on October 01, 2012, 05:33:11 PM
There are some terrible videos of people verbally abusing trans women in public that I found online pre-transition. I guess I went looking for them wondering what to expect for myself, though nothing that bad has ever happened to me. It is probably something to do with the fact that I avoid going out at night much. It's a pity, people should be able to go anywhere without fear of being abused, and I am a bit scared to do it sometimes.

Yes. Kadri. Precaution is always better. At any insecure place, I seldom go out alone. While wearing 5-inch heels, I am so much noticeable, but I can not run fast to escape from any potential threat. In this case, I have friends and colleagues who gladly go out with me. Still a few guys sometimes try to make a pass at me, but I just enjoy or ignore it.

Barbie~~

Sometimes it can be seriously frustrating to get comments and weird looks from people.

The other day while out in boy mode at work there 3 women about my age maybe younger who started staring at me while in the cafeteria.

They were like is it a boy/girl? one was like he is a girl the other was like no he's gay!

I almost choked on my food but didn't give any reactions to them and just ignored them.

As for need to transition - transitioning is not just about other people and how they react to you but also about how they you see yourself.
which is why while out in boy mode I am just an awkward mess especially since I find it very suffocating to be in boy mode.

Shauna - you totally pass!!!

Where I live, appearances mean a lot, so most people will act polite and respectful to your face at least, but once out of sight, many of them resort to the jokes and crap that really bother me as they have no problem outing me to whoever. I've already decided that trying to make friends where I live is just not worth the bother because of it all. 

It's rare I get clocked any more. Walking with confidence is a big help. That said, it's also a good thing to invest in something else to walk with in case things go south. Also sometimes those looks we get may not be what we think they are, we are so accustomed to thinking people are always out to get us that that look may be one of attraction. You never know. However when it comes to people throwing out insults, it's best to just let it roll off your back. Words hurt, but not as much as being beaten and left for dead.

Quote from: Alexia6 on October 01, 2012, 11:09:25 PM
Sometimes it can be seriously frustrating to get comments and weird looks from people.

The other day while out in boy mode at work there 3 women about my age maybe younger who started staring at me while in the cafeteria.

I was immune to staring and laughing because of living in odd parts of China. People would laugh at me just because I was a huge tall man with a big nose and oddly coloured hair. This made me immune to the frustration of starers in the early stages of transition. Actually I found hardly anyone looked at me as a woman compared to some places I had lived when i was a man. 

I have to admit that now I would be upset about it now, after a year of being full time.  It might knock me out for a few days.

I totally and completely don't care what people say about me.

I don't react and I don't follow through because I don't care what they say.

How does that help?

Firstly I'm a very confident person and being so means that people 'pick up' on that. I refuse to be intimidated and people pick up on that. I really don't get insulted buy mindless jerks, and people pick up on that.

I practiced and practiced being confident. It works, keep testing your self, it gets easier.

Today I took a cab to another place I work at for a meeting. The driver was rude and sexist to  me, IMO, I told him to reverse to the cab rank immediately as I had left my purse behind and couldn't pay. He did. I got out and went to the next cab.

I told that cab driver that the previous one was a sexist jerk that I didn't feel safe with him. He immediately radioed my comment in to the base.

I'm a human being. I have rights. No one has the right to insult me. If some sexist jerk suggests that I can 'help him out' I'll rip his testicles off and feed them to it, if I feel kind.

You have rights. Be strong, but PRACTICE being strong.


JMO
Cindy

Lol yup, I got lots of gay guy comments when I was at around 5 months hrt, i think I was beginning to look quite feminine at that stage and it threw some people a little. No one said anything rude but, at parties I was asked a few times if my friend was my boyfriend, or was I gay, do you like boys or girls etc lol. Androgynous people can be quite confusing for some people

I think I recall seeing this observation elsewhere but the people who have given me grief have typically been from a low socio-economic status.  It's like they clock me and think "Ooooh!  There is someone I can get!"

I'm not making a blanket startement here.  Some have been kind enough to say, "Excuse miss, do you have some change?"  Course then there was that time when the guy clocked me soon after begging and started to make vey scary and dirty propositions to me.  I was like 1 block from my apartment at the time.  Definitely an argument for carrying pepper spray or something.

Golly I've been through a lot. It would be nice to blend in better.  All this clocking sucks. (-_-)

Anyone says anything to me they will get similar treatment to that which Cindy dished out or "6 million of my relatives left via the chimney so you can just F*** off!"

To be clear, I didn't have pepper spray for that guy.  I was able to walk away.  Still, feel I was lucky.

Well I don't pass, doubt that I ever will, but I dress better than they do so I can feel superior and turn and walk away, with my head held high

I would recommend using an mp3 player. I don't really get insults or ever cloaked but it's just advice. Turn the volume on it up so you hear your favorite music rather than insults. =)

I put insults into several groups to deal with them easier:

1: Teenagers, as has already been mentioned teenagers havn't developed social skills, they constantly feel the need to belittle others to raise their social standing amongst their peer group. I therefore believe that teenagers aren't worthy of my attention.

2: Drunk people, drunks are obnoxious to many people who don't deserve their scorn, I see abusive drunks as lower than pond scum so once again not worthy of my attention.
I socialise with some heavy drinkers & they are great, they are the kind of people that get happy when drunk & love the world & everything in it but woe betide anyone that gives me abuse when they're around.
My only concern is that in their efforts to ensure my safety & prevent abuse they may escalate an incident, i've voiced this concern to a few of them & they let me decide if abuse needs to be dealt with or ignored, whatever my choice they support it.

3: Strangers in the street, these are the ones that annoy me, they don't have the excuse of being drunk to cover their rudeness & they are mostly adults, if they stare then I stare back with raised eyebrows & it makes them uncomfortable (good).
Most comments get ignored, recently if I respond I will simply ask what gives them the right to judge me for having a medical condition treated, if there are other people around i'll raise my voice so others can hear, so far everyone asked that has shuffled away.
People don't like their intolerance being put on display for everyone around to see.

If people say you should give up transition because of the ignorant, rude comments they are wrong, wrong, wrong!
It's not a case of working harder on make-up, no matter how good my make-up is my big nose & slightly masculine jaw can't be hidden by any amount of make-up, most people recommend waiting until you've been on HRT for quite a while before undergoing FFS & this is with very good reasons.
I know i'll have to put up with this kind of ignorance for quite a while longer as i'm not on HRT yet & even when I start HRT it will take time to have any noticable change but I refuse to be chased into hiding due to small minded people, I also refuse to give up on transition because of these people, i'm doing this so I can be comfortable with myself, this is not for the benifit of others so whilst their comments can be hurtfull they will not have any long lasting effect on me.

Don't let them wear you down
Best wishes wrapped in a big hug

Jayne

never get that kind of comment,but if they dare mess with me i'll treat them the same as how exactly they treat me

i'll treat them the same as how exactly they treat me

So, you let other people control your behavior?

Quote from: tekla on October 02, 2012, 01:39:18 PM
i'll treat them the same as how exactly they treat me

So, you let other people control your behavior?

Hmmm I didn't see that at all. I would refrain from reading into things that may not be there, its a bad habit.

Quote from: tekla on October 02, 2012, 01:39:18 PM
i'll treat them the same as how exactly they treat me

So, you let other people control your behavior?

So, you let other people feel free to mess with you huh? that's the way i am,i don't insult people first,that means i won't act like a dick curse random people for fun,but i won't be quiet if anyone starts to mess with me,that's it

Saya19, there seems to be an enormous yellow block  every time you post. Any chance you could make it smaller?

Quote from: Isabelle on October 02, 2012, 03:06:52 PM
Saya19, there seems to be an enormous yellow block  every time you post. Any chance you could make it smaller?

i'll try to find a smaller one

Quote from: SaYa19 on October 02, 2012, 03:08:56 PM
i'll try to find a smaller one

here ya go

http://imageshack.us/a/img688/3959/mosh.jpg