What's the best part about having Alzheimer's? You make new friends every day!

Where do the NY Mets play? City Field? Please, more like s***** field!

What's the motto of the NY Mets, even before the season starts? "There's always next year."

Quote from: DianaP on October 08, 2012, 10:52:59 AM
What's the best part about having Alzheimer's? You make new friends every day!

Where do the NY Mets play? City Field? Please, more like s***** field!

What's the motto of the NY Mets, even before the season starts? "There's always next year."

As a mets fan, I'm entirely too familiar with these.

What does METS stand for?


My Entire Team Sucks.

The Yankees only win so much because they are mostly made of players taken from the Caribbean.   

I'm not even a baseball fan, so I don't really care. 

Quote from: DianaP on October 08, 2012, 11:03:36 AM
The Yankees only win so much because they are mostly made of players taken from the Caribbean.   

I'm not even a baseball fan, so I don't really care. 

EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It irritates me when Queens boro people are all "yankee fans" only cause they win more. pfft.

I don't know how well this joke will work for people outside the UK due to brand names being different in other countries but here goes

BREAKING NEWS..........

There's been a fight in the biscuit tin, a lad called Rocky hit a Penguin over the head with a Club, tied him to a Wagon Wheel with a Blue Ribbon and make his Breakaway in a Taxi. Police say Rocky was last seen just After Eight in Maryland with a Ginger Nut known to police as Rich T. They didn't leave a crumb of evidence so the Jammy Dodger got away with it!!!!

You've been on the bourbon again, I see .

What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny.

What's a cat's favorite color? Purrrrple.

Where do sick boats go? The dock.

Why do poor dogs chase their tales? To make ends meet.

What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie. "Well, doggone!"

What happened when the dog went to the flea circus? It stole the show.

Small cannibal: I hate my teacher
Mother cannibal: If you don't finish whats on your plate you cant have any pudding

Q: Why aren't cannibals popular at weddings?
A: They take toasting the bride & groom too literaly

Q: Why did the cannibal become a policeman?
A: He heard he would get to grill suspects

Q: Did you hear about the cannibal who ate his mother in law?
A: She still didn't agree with him

Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his mother in the woods?

Look out everyone because i've just found my joke book 

Q: did you hear about the butcher who backed into the bacon slicer?
A: He got a little behind in his orders

Last week I replaced every window in my house, I then discoveredI had a crack inmy glasses

A man goes into hospital for an operation & asks the doctor "will I be able to play the piano after the op?"
The doctor says "certainly you will"
"That's good" says the man "I couldn't before & haven't the time to learn"

Q:Did you hear about the new divorced Barbie doll?
A: She comes with all of Kens stuff

Q: What do a fire, a hurricane & a divorce have in common?
A: They're all ways to lose your house

Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't get time

Scientists have invented a Viagra eyedrop, it does nothing for your sex life but makes you look really hard

An employee walks into work late one day, his boss shouts "you should have been here at 9" the man replies "why what happened?"

The man at the garage told me he couldn't fix my brakes so I asked him to make the horn louder

I was getting into my car when a man asked me if I could give him a lift "sure thing" I replied "you look great, the worlds you oyster & there's nothing you can't accomplish, go for it"
I'm such a good samaritan

Last lot for tonight, this bunch have a common theme, men

Men are like blenders, you need one but you're never sure why

Men are like bank accounts, without alot of money they don't generate much interest

Men are like mascara, they run at the first sign of emotion

Men are like miniskirts, if you're not carefull they'll creep up your legs

Men are like public toilet cubicles, the good ones are taken & the only ones left are full of crap

Men are like tights, they either cling or run

Quote from: Jayne on October 09, 2012, 07:42:04 PM

Q: What do a fire, a hurricane & a divorce have in common?
A: They're all ways to lose your house

Q: What does a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?
A: Either way, somebody's losing a trailer!

There are two types of people in the world: Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data

There are 10 types of people in the world: those that understand binary, and those that don't.