Quote from: Adio on October 30, 2012, 03:51:04 PM
Ha, that seems a bit like me.  I can talk with both men and women but prefer socializing with women and am sexually attracted to men.  I was very uncomfortable being around all women when I was being seen and related to as one.  Now that I am seen for whom I really am, a man, I find I enjoy talking with women more.  It's still awkward with other men, but I'm slowly getting over it, especially in the professional setting.

Wow, are we the same person? :{P

You don't have to come out or anything, just don't go if you don't want to deal with the awkward feelings. Even my best friends wouldn't be weirded out if I said "I don't think I can make it to *insert event here*, but thanks for inviting me!"

People have lives, you know? Work and school, or illnesses that get in the way are just a few things that could prevent you from going to your friend's hen party. Just be apologetic and chill about it all, and the response will typically be a positive one.

And if you're worried about being asked to be a bridesmaid, it's okay to say no. I know plenty of girls who have said no. It's not their thing, you know? If someone gets offended over something so trivial, they're probably not worth talking to in the first place. Good luck, mate.

Quote from: Bane on October 31, 2012, 03:08:46 AM
Wow, are we the same person? :{P

Haha, perhaps I'm your (friendly) doppleganger.   

Quote from: FTMDiaries on October 30, 2012, 10:17:44 AM
I'm with Sparrowhawke on this: people - including cis people - are entitled to have gender-specific events if they wish. I find them annoying and unnecessary myself but people do have a right to specify who they want to hang out with.

I would go nuts without my gay men's group. In fact, I am going nuts. I've been too busy to go for the past month, and I miss the meetings VERY much. Maybe my feelings are this intense because I spent so many years on the outside of the community, just dying to get in and be seen as a regular gay man.

But I never went to all-girl gatherings even when I was living as a woman. Like bridal showers and baby showers and the like. I was invited a few times by coworkers, and the answer was always no. That sort of thing just wasn't for me.

I'm not sure how the OP has gone but for my 10 cents worth go. But go as a guy.

Why not? They are your friends and you like and love them.

Don't get all hung up on gender problems start to think about friends. Go as a guy.

If you Dad asks you to be a bridesmaid then say yes but you will choose you outfit. A male outfit.

I'm a bit strange about what the problem is.

Look at it from friends points of view. If your female friend wants you at her Hen night then it is a compliment. Go as you.

If that is too difficult then you are going to have a truck load of problems later on.  Things don't magically change, we always have to compromise.

JMO

Cindy

Quote from: Cindy James on November 01, 2012, 04:01:32 AM
I'm not sure how the OP has gone but for my 10 cents worth go. But go as a guy.

Why not? They are your friends and you like and love them.

Don't get all hung up on gender problems start to think about friends. Go as a guy.

If you Dad asks you to be a bridesmaid then say yes but you will choose you outfit. A male outfit.

I'm a bit strange about what the problem is.

Look at it from friends points of view. If your female friend wants you at her Hen night then it is a compliment. Go as you.

If that is too difficult then you are going to have a truck load of problems later on.  Things don't magically change, we always have to compromise.

JMO

Cindy

This.

Not really sure how, but you said what all the other people wanted to say in a way that I can understand it. If you don't want to come out you might need to do some compromises.

Quote from: Cindy James on November 01, 2012, 04:01:32 AM
I'm not sure how the OP has gone but for my 10 cents worth go. But go as a guy.

Why not? They are your friends and you like and love them.

Don't get all hung up on gender problems start to think about friends. Go as a guy.

If you Dad asks you to be a bridesmaid then say yes but you will choose you outfit. A male outfit.

I'm a bit strange about what the problem is.

Look at it from friends points of view. If your female friend wants you at her Hen night then it is a compliment. Go as you.

If that is too difficult then you are going to have a truck load of problems later on.  Things don't magically change, we always have to compromise.

JMO

Cindy

Cindy, so succinct, so true.

OP: if it makes you feel better at all, I work with a cis guy who has been to at least two baby showers by invitation and at my last job I worked with a lady who had her male best friend as her "maid of honor" so to speak, both obviously situations of typically female-only situations or positions, and both pertinent to your situation.

I agree totally with Cindy: go as yourself, go as a guy. As for the bridesmaid thing, either see if you can do the same, or decline.

OP-whatever happened? Did you decide to go and if so, how was it?

Well I wouldn't go if it was a very gendered event. I don't know, it depends on the women. Some women can get together without it being so. Depends on the people, I guess. I feel very comfortable with my friends at work who are all female. I would have to be whoever I am though.


Though hasn't everybody gone by now though.

--Jay J

Whoops, sorry I hadn't updated.

I decided to be honest and let the Bride to be know about my predicament. I didn't tell her absolutely everything but enough so she could see why it would maybe be awkward for me. She said she understood and not to worry as she's be doing other things before the wedding back at home so I could go to them.

After hearing that and really thinking about how awkward it might for me and all the girls involved I decided to politely decline the invitation. Just after that I received a text from another girl going, saying that she thinks I made the right decision and that she could tell I would be too awkward with all the 'girlyness' of the weekend.

I feel a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders as trying to weigh up the pros and cons was really stressing me. Still feel a bit stupid for passing up on 3 days in sunny spain but there are other times I can go I guess.

thanks guys and girls for the opinions 

Still don't know about my Dad's wedding thing but it won't be for a while (I hope  )